(Disclaimer: This story contains depictions of violence, mentions of hardship, and unfunny cringe attempts at toilet humor throughout.)
Written By Stelle, For R̶u̶a̶n̶ M̶e̶i̶
Once upon a time, there lived a toilet named Mr. Potty Mouth. He lived in a clean restroom on Herta Space Station, and like all other toilets, he desired for others to use him to relieve them of their waste. His life was pretty fulfilling overall, with many people sitting/crapping on him effectively. And, he himself was happy, and thought that no one could interrupt his peaceful existence…
That was until one day, when Mr. Potty Mouth's life was interrupted… by the placement of a porta-potty near his restroom after the toilet next to him, Mr. John Commode, went out of order, leading to the bathroom closing down for repairs! He became jealous and distraught that his previously loyal users were now forced to use an ugly poop box like the porta-potty. "It's not fair! How dare that inferior washroom steal MY users! I can't believe they will now drop their waste into its bowl instead of mine!", he said while being annoyed afterwards.
Desperate to reclaim his former glory, Mr. Potty Mouth decided to seek outside assistance for this matter. Using his flushing SOS technology, he sought out the famous Stelle the Galactic Baseballer's help. Heroic and cool as always, the Galactic Baseballer made an epic entrance and walked over to the depressed toilet. Mr. Potty Mouth explained his plight before offering: "Please Galactic Baseballer, use your batting skills to crap all over that porta-outhouse and flush it off this space station!" The Galactic Baseballer then saluted at him, feeling honored that she gets to serve such a magnificent commode, since it reminded her of her love for trash cans. "Understood!", she said, "Anything for you, sentient toilet."
The Galactic Baseballer proceeded to bolt out of Mr. Potty Mouth's domain and sprint towards the invasive porta-potty. When she spotted it, she whipped out her legendary bat and prepared to exterminate it. She then saw someone about to enter it, who was none other than the illustrious R̶u̶a̶n̶ M̶e̶i̶ (who was being influenced by the A̶n̶t̶i̶-̶T̶r̶u̶t̶h̶ S̶e̶r̶u̶m̶, like myself). She shoved her out of the way and made her bat become all… electrified (get it?)! She reeled in her awesome weapon and said, "It's flushin' time!", before swinging it into the plastic potty with a loud crack and bang!
It tipped over once it made contact, spilling all the sewer-filled crap/urine water onto the floor around it. Letting the stench empower her rage further, the Galactic Baseballer kept on hitting the porta-potty over and over again while screaming like a maniac. "Die, off brand toilet!", she yelled. The amazing genius, R̶u̶a̶n̶ M̶e̶i̶, saw this and said, "Interesting… This will make good research material.", before walking away out of boredom. After the one hundredth strike, the porta-potty was now reduced to some frail plastic shreds, with nothing else left except the disgusting brown liquid that the pieces were soaking in.
Her job being done, the Galactic Baseballer breathed a sigh of relief before washing herself off in a nearby laboratory to get rid of the commode traitor's awful scent. She left it to Herta to clean it up herself, since it WAS her space station!
When she returned to inform Mr. Potty Mouth of the good news, his lid flapped open and shut in excitement. "Well done, Galactic Baseballer, your reputation as an amazing savior of worlds precedes you!", his water compartment jiggled, "Your actions have saved toilet folk from this galaxy-wide pandemic of that mobile invasive species! As a token of my gratitude, I would like you to use me to flush away all your waste, since that's my ultimate duty in life!" The Galactic Baseballer nodded and gave a thumbs up while replying with: "It would be my honor. I can't wait to make new "trash" within you… heh heh… Trash is the ultimate gift from a special someone like me~!❤"
And so, she took a nice long crap in Mr. Potty Mouth. The experience caused him to gain a newfound sense of higher existence. Realizing that both he and she had similar tastes/senses of comedy as kindred spirits, he decided to rename himself to Mr. Toilet Humor! His bowl washed itself in relief as she finished doing her business while he said, "Ahh… Thank you so much for that… exquisite waste! I shall use it to better myself from here on! Farewell, and good luck liberating other planets, Galactic Baseballer…", with a sense of melancholic finality. She bowed in great respect/admiration before she walked out of his restroom. "You're welcome, and you have my thanks. Now, I better stop more Stellarons from hurting other worlds… See ya!", she said while waving goodbye.
In the end, she left the space station while Herta forced Arlan to perform janitorial duties on the portable toilet's murder scene (something he never recovered from). And Mr. Toilet Humor became the greatest toilet of all, ruling over his bathroom with great pride while consuming the finest urine wine and poop cakes around the space station. His neighbor, Mr. John Commode, was fixed as well, which led to the restroom being open to the citizens/scientists once more. Also, the great R̶u̶a̶n̶ M̶e̶i̶ finally learned to trust others and stop putting drugs into her desserts at last, as a nice bonus to this happy ending (yes)! With everyone feeling fulfilled, they all then lived happily ever after! …The End~! :)
P.S. - The Anti-Truth Serum is finally wearing off now. I hope Ruan Mei likes this beautiful work of literature I dedicated to her… Who knows? She'll likely get a kick out of why I did it, and hopefully this really can lead her to trust others soon!
-From Stelle, To Ruan Mei
[Writer's Commentary: I don't know what the hell I was thinking… This is literally the most stupid thing I have ever written before! Obviously, I got the idea for this by playing the Ruan Mei quest, while she gave the Trailblazer the Anti-Truth Serum and they said ridiculous comments about short stories involving toilets. And unlike my other stories, I didn't plan basically anything out before writing this, so I literally just made everything up as I went. I don't usually do this, so maybe that's why I hate it! I also put in the frame story that involved Stelle writing the narrative because I never tried it out before, and I wanted to ground this insanity (somewhat) by explaining that she's under the influence of the drugs and is trying to get Ruan Mei to trust her. It's stupid and fails at being wholesome, I know… Still, I wanted to provide a reason for this story and give some sort of deeper meaning. I apologize if it's not lore accurate, since this is just some crack fic drabble at this point, so it doesn't matter too much… That's all for this, goodbye!]