Michael Afton: Outlived Purpose Chapter 45, a five nights at freddy´s fanfic

NOTES

I'm not even gonna try and explain what happened to this one.

It was supposed to be the third of three parts, each of which are like 20,000 words in length.

This chapter is 76,376 words long. That is like 500 words less than Harry Potter.

This chapter does start out as if it's just a third part though. For an incredibly quick refresher, everyone is at Arin's house for a get-together; they ate and talked and everything, and now Michael and Arin are headed down to the basement to talk about some serious things.

I was eventually forced to move to Word when making this chapter, and porting it over from a word document isn't without its gimmicks, so it's entirely possible there's a hitch here and there.

Plus this chapter is quite frankly insane in every sense of the word. I've been driven insane writing it.

There is no chance in all the almightly hells that I didn't forget to edit something or failed to notice a million mistakes, and especially the beginning of the chapter has this kinda weird artificial flow to it? I might be making it up, but it resolves itself very shortly. I hope.

Get ready for a lot. Because this chapter is a lot.

I'm sure I'll come back and do edits before long, and I'm sure I'll get messages in the very near future about some colossal mistake I made somewhere, but you know how it is.

blah blah reddit blah blah blah discord blah DM me if you need help finding something or just wanna talk blah blah whatever.

Chapter time.

- Rise and Fall -

(I gotta figure out some things if I even wanna dream of wrapping a couple things up by chapter 50)

.-.

...

The steps to the basement creak softly under our feet, despite their furbished and supported look. It must be law around these parts for basement steps to make noise when you step on them..

That 'furbished look' ends with the stairs, however. It's actually almost comical how drastic the difference is between them and the rest of the basement.

Concrete walls, worn and slightly dirty concrete floors, scarce wood scaffolding. The furthest thing from 'abnormal' when it comes to a normal downstairs. What is notable is how small it is.. It's only one rectangular room, almost a square. It's a good size square, don't get me wrong, but it makes me wonder if it was even worth the trouble of carving out a basement if this one room is all we get..

My shoes resound with much less noise as soon upon contact with the cold stone floor; or whatever concrete is made of.. As a side effect, the sound reminds me that I do, in fact, have shoes on, and now I'm wondering if I should've left my mudsteppers at the door instead of wandering all around Cooper's house with them on..

Arin mentioned something about Cooper working on stuff down here from time to time, and accordingly, there is a desk and very limited arrangement of dissimilar furniture down here. The desk is the only thing that really looks like it belongs; right next to it is a standard, while standing-lamp you'd expect to see in a bedroom or something.

There's also two chairs, one plastic rolling chair and one wooden dining chair behind it; though notably, it's different from the dining chairs upstairs, suggesting this is an extra chair Cooper had stored away down here. It's positioned behind the plastic chair a bit, in a way that makes me think someone sat in it to watch over Cooper's shoulder as he showed someone something.

Anyway..

...

"So~.." I begin before the two of us have even reached the middle of the room. "..I went to the Pizzaplex today, just to grab a couple things and bring them back home."

"Alright..?"

...

"I met Icarus."

...

"Ah.." Arin breathes.

"We weren't expecting to see each other, and we both thought the other was an intruder at first." I continue, leaning on the back of the wooden chair as Arin sits in the plastic one. "..I'll admit, it came a little too close for comfort.."

"She can be disinterested in those she isn't already familiar with, I apologize if she was cold at times.."

"I don't think 'disinterest' is the word I'd use in regards to her opinion of me." I pitifully chuckle under my breath. "We aren't the most fond of each other.."

"I see. That's alright.. I can rely on her to simply do what I asked of her and leave afterwards, you two shouldn't find many excuses to bump into one another."

"Mm.."

...

I silently watch Arin go about doing whatever he's doing on the desk for a few seconds. It looks like he's just organizing the mess, but I wouldn't be too surprised if he was ultimately attempting to do achieve something else.

...

..Sigh..

"..Are you doing alright?" I ask, failing to find a less direct way to put it.

"I will be fine, maybe just a few more days to rest.."

"You've looked better.."

"I'm aware."

...

"I understand you might not want to hear this, but, mm.. I'm sorry again. For Cooper, I mean.." I sheepishly mumble, unable to keep my eyes on him for a moment.

"It's f-.. It is fine, events could have gone worse if things didn't occur in the order that they did."

"Maybe.. What happened sure doesn't feel like the 'best case scenario', though. Sometimes I like to think that things could've went a little better, somehow.."

...

"I-.. Michael, you were the one who decided how everything 'went' in the first place; it- mn.." Arin starts, quickly interrupting his own breathy remark before it can all come out, and subtly holding his breath as if to calm down for a moment.

..Ah..

...

Taking the hint, I just sit calmly in silence, letting Arin decide how to carry on the conversation from here.

"..."

...

"I don't mean to-, ah.. Sorry, I just haven't had.. all the time I need to get over myself.." He continues, doing his best to keep up his formality.

"Not at all; it's hard to believe you can control your emotions towards me to the extent you're already at."

"..Mm.."

...

"Hey.. Out of curiosity, what did you end up doing with Cooper..?"

"Incinerated, and the bones were ground."

"Ground, huh..?"

"Bones decompose far quicker when ground fine enough.. They, ah.. make good fertilizer, too.."

Eugh..

..I don't know if that was just an attempt at small talk from him, but the thought of having the remains of someone so significant in our lives scattered into a flower pot or a backyard garden feels.. weird..

...

"Oh.. Hey, there's something else I meant to tell you about." I comment after a few moments of watching Arin pull something from the desk.

"Something else relevant..?"

"Not really, it's something else that happened at the Pizzaplex earlier today."

"Ah.." Arin half-sighs, sounding a bit exhausted of the troubles that place continues to birthe.

"Something happened to one of the endoskeletons. Roxanne watched a fair majority of it on the cameras, and I got there personally soon after, but we're not really sure what to make of it.."

"An endoskeleton had an issue..?"

"I'm well aware of how unusual that is.. Roxanne claims a small-ish group of endoskeletons were hanging around nearby one-another in a hall nearby the typical endoskeleton area. None of them appeared to be doing anything important, but one of them was, apparently, 'sleeping'.."

Curiosity piqued, Arin actually stops fiddling with whatever it is he's doing on the dest to spin is his chair and look at me.

...

"..Roxanne claims it was 'sleeping..'?"

"Yeah.."

...

"I can't recall ever seeing one do that before.. What does 'sleeping' mean in the context of such a thing? Eyes closed and inert?"

"Yeah; sat down and leaning against a wall." I begin, bringing my hand up to the back of my head as if that'd help me think better. "But it's more than that. Apparently, it 'woke up', and just.. started flailing.."

"..What do you mean?"

"About as literal as the word 'flailing' gets. Spasming, hitting everything around it with its wild appendages, swinging its arms up and down.. I wasn't there to see it, but I was there to see the aftermath. If you have any specific questions about how it was moving, you'll have to ask Roxanne."

...

Arin.. looks about as lost as Roxanne and I did..

"..It was 'flailing' as in.. panicked?"

"It seemed like it, but to be honest, we're really not sure.. Still have no clue why it happened at all."

"..I'm not certain how I'd even go about acknowledging this.." Arin half-mutters. "Is it alright..?"

"I'm not sure.. I was nearby when it started happening, but it was over by the time I had gotten there. No more than twenty to twenty-five seconds.." I continue, shifting to lean more of my weight against the chair. "After it happened, it went inert again. The other endoskeletons nearby were alerted, and were poking at the thing as if checking if it was alright. But after a few minutes, they lost interest."

"That's fairly understandable.. They act far more procedural than a vast majority of our other 'robots'; they've never acted quite like humans do.." Arin hums, sunk into his chair and lost in thought.

"Right.. Roxanne found it a little odd that there was a small group around the 'sleeping' one, but we didn't dwell on it much since you can't judge their actions like you judge a person's."

...

" 'Sleeping'.. I've never witnessed an endoskeleton doing something like that - perhaps it was just an extra that initialized without-.. mm.."

I tap my fingers on the chair, side-eyeing Arin for a moment.

...

"..You think the endoskeleton's an 'extra'?"

"I'm not sure - I'm uncertain why the active instances would move an inert endoskeleton out of standard storage. I'm unable to explain that."

"There are 'extra' endoskeletons?"

"Yes, there's-.. It's that room connected to the endoskeleton attraction corridors."

Mm.. I know which room he's talking about, but I guess it's been a loooong time since I last looked in there.. Perhaps when I first looked inside, I simply assumed that endoskeletons did sleep like the rest.

"What do we do with 'extras'?"

"Nothing. They aren't there in case an active endoskeleton breaks down - they simply aren't active."

"Why..? Do the endo's 'switch' every now and again?"

"No - they have never been activated. The initialization process requires an excerpt of programming not integrated into the inert instances yet."

"..Why?"

"I do not know the full story. Cooper told me that part of the instructions to creating the endoskeletons stated that, if an active skeleton is constructed, an inactive instance is also required for the active one to function properly."

"..So there are as many inactive endoskeletons as there are active ones..?"

"Ah - no, only a handful of inert endoskeletons were made, and that was enough for the initialized ones to work.."

...

"Well that's incredibly peculiar." I mutter, scratching the back of my head. The idea of unusual instructions for my fathers creations bodes poorly.. "..I'd.. really like to know why they work that way, if you have any theories.."

"I can repeat what Cooper stated.." Arin agrees, resting his arms on his lap. "He firmly believed it to simply be a bug.."

"That's one hell of a 'quirk' for it to be a bug.."

"I'm aware, but despite his enthusiasm, his logic was abnormally sound.. The endoskeletons are build and designed with a heavy emphasis on co-operation. Before a skeleton embarks on any task, it's programmed to see out an ally to accompany them. It's the same reason endoskeletons are typically found in 'packs', as they prefer to be nearby one another in case they stumble upon something that needs done.."

"Okay..?"

"In addition, the endoskeletons do seem significantly unfinished.. Cooper noted that William never once created an animatronic or other bot that deliberately left the endoskeleton exposed, therefor the jump to making an attraction that is just the endoskeleton seemed unlikely. Cooper interpreted this as a sign that these endoskeletons were still in the middle of being mechanically designed, which would explain why their creator hadn't even begun designing a colorful exterior for them."

"Cooper thought William wasn't done designing the practical elements of the endoskeleton, therefor never giving them a flashy suit to wear.." I repeat, reinforcing the ideas to myself.

"The idea that they weren't yet completed was further reinforce by a few abnormalities in their behavior, which we discovered after physically constructing an endoskeletons ourselves. A majority of them were made obvious during their initialization period, when they're first activated and orienting themselves to the world around them."

"Oh boy.."

"As the instructions had noted, the endoskeleton didn't appear to understand what was going on when it was on its own.. When Cooper had an inert endoskeleton made, the activated one functioned exactly as expected."

..I drum my fingers on the wooden chair for a few seconds, absent-mindedly putting a couple pieces together..

...

"..Okay, so-.. Was it confused because its first objective before performing a task is to find an ally, like you said earlier?"

"Yes. And because it was the only endoskeleton made at the time, it was unable to find another to begin working properly.."

"So it counted their inactive counterpart to be their ally..?"

"We believe so.. After which, the endoskeleton went about its task alone."

"That doesn't make any sense - why would it count the inactive endo to be an ally if it can't help them with the work they need to do?"

"We couldn't make sense of it either.. Therefor, Cooper came to the conclusion that it must be an error in their behavioral programming that was never patched since William never finished their design."

Mm..

...

..Actually, that does add up pretty well.. There are several things that don't make sense with how that endoskeleton chose to act..

The endoskeletons are programmed for co-operation, and therefor look for a companion before they begin working. But, even though there's an emphasis on co-operation, the endoskeletons are still capable of working on something by themselves if need be.

However, it seems there really is an error in their behavioral logic.. Turns out, the endoskeleton is mistakenly programmed to always seek out a companion, even if they intend to do their job entirely on their own.

The funniest part is that they don't even request their companion's help once they find them. As soon as the endoskeletons confirms the existence of someone who can help, they turn around and get to work, completely by themselves.

...

..There is something strange about that, though.

If what Arin's saying is true, then it doesn't matter whether the 'helper' endoskeleton is inactive or not. If that's true, then why make any inert endoskeletons at all? Wouldn't it be more worth-it if they made two working endoskeletons, as opposed to an active one and an inactive one?

...

"..Huh.. Well.." I mutter, reminiscing on my old memories of the endoskeletons in some new light.

"There are a select few other behavioral abnormalities outside of their initialization period, but none are anywhere as significant as this one."

"This has been enlightening.. How come Cooper made more than one inactive endoskeleton if he technically didn't need to make any at all?"

"Ah, because.. Well, because the instructions said so.." Arin sheepishly explains.

...

"Cooper made inert endoskeletons, despite not needing them, simply because the instructions told him to?"

"Yes, I'm afraid.."

"..But didn't Cooper figure out for himself that the endoskeletons didn't actually need an inert instance to work properly..?"

"Yes, he did, but.. I suppose his admiration for William's methods overshadowed his sense of reason every now and again.."

"Mm.." I hum, displeased with how much sense that makes.. "..I wonder why William even bothered with inert endoskeletons when active ones would've initialized each other just the same.."

"It took less time and effort to make an inert one."

...

..Well.. Despite how pitifully underwhelming that reasoning is, it adds up.. My guess is that William's instructions simply noted that an inactive skeleton could initialize an active one, but wasn't required..

"Fair enough.." I sigh, briefly pushing off the chair I'm leaning on to stretch. "..I'm glad we talked about this, but I can't say that does much to clear the mystery of what happened to the flailing endoskeleton today."

"It does not, no.. It's a concerning event, regardless if an active endoskeleton fell 'asleep' or if an inert endoskeleton 'woke up' for a moment.."

...

..And only God knows what the hell 'Friendo's' deal is..

...

"Oh- I took Friendo back to my house, by the way." I begin, uttering this information the moment it perks into my mind.

…

"Did he want to leave the Pizzaplex..?"

"A little. No particular reason, I don't think – he just looked a little bored when I bumped into him this morning."

"The endoskeletons have no metabolism, or any other replica of bio-energy like the main cast does. To my knowledge they're able to last a recognizable amount of time without a source of energy, but eventually Friendo will need to 'charge'."

…

I furrow my brow a bit, staring blankly in Arin's general direction.

"..I didn't know they needed, to.. Friendo needs to 'charge'?"

"Yes, I-..?"

"With what-? I never stumble into any endoskeletons charging during my shifts." I realize out loud, propping myself up a bit more. Arin stares blankly at me in return.

…

"..We have.. those special small containers around the places the endoskeletons like to reside the most.. It's not incredibly special – they might as well just be adaptors. It plugs into a standard outlet, and the box has extendable cords that connect to the endoskeletons."

…

"Okay – well Friendo didn't.. bring one.." I admit, tilting my head a bit in a way that asks a question I already know the answer to.

…

"You'll need to get one, Mich-"

"I'll get Friendo and drag him back to the Pizzaplex for a few minutes, so he can find one of them.. They must be incredibly insignificant-looking if I've missed them every time I walked around."

"I don't know, Mike – They handle themselves by themselves; I'm not the person to ask.."

"Well I hope he knows, because he's getting left there until he comes back with an inconspicuous box in his arms.."

…

..Arin and I sit in an oddly comfortable silence for a moment, gracefully pondering all the traded information regarding the endoskeletons.. The two of us kinda nerded out for a bit, but the resulting mystery leaves plenty food for thought.

...

"Ah.. If you'd do me a favor, Michael." Arin begins, turning in his chair back to the desk. "If you find any other reason to return to the Pizzaplex, it would help wittle things down if you could simply count the active endoskeletons."

"Count them?"

"There are a flat amount of active and inactive endoskeletons, and as far as I am aware, the number of each has not had any reason to change since the Pizzaplex was opened."

"I see. If there's one less active endoskeleton, then that means the one that freaked out today is an active one that shut down for some reason. Otherwise, if the numbers are the same, the flailing endoskeleton was an inert one that woke up for some reason."

"Yes.. I'll check the records here in a moment, and send you a text of how many of each there should be later."

"Sounds good. Maybe I can do it here in a moment, when I make Friendo go gather his life-box.. If not, I'm sure I'll have plenty of opportunities to drop by before we open back up again.. How long do you think that'll be?"

"I do not know, actually.."

"Not even an idea?"

"I've been trying not to think about it until we had this conversation.."

"I see." I hum, propping my head up with my hands again. "It's about time we get it over with, then."

...

I prop my head with my hand as I watch over Arin's shoulder. The thing he scrounged from the desk was a laptop, which probably shouldn't be too staggering of a surprise considering he and Cooper ran a business.

A decent amount of time has passed since we were talking about the endoskeletons, actually. We decided a couple boring business things, and among those was a certain day-range in which we believe we'd be able to start getting things back in working order again. Naturally, we have suppliers and other businesses we cooperate with that would like to know this information, so behold, I get to witness the wonderful magic of the "Pizzaplex spreadsheet".

..Well – I get to witness the latter-half of all the duties included in putting things in a spreadsheet.. Which takes a while, because I've already left to get Friendo, and bring him back to the Pizzaplex.

As for how that's going, I kinda decided in the spur of the moment to just leave him there.. And I'll admit, I did that because the thought of not being here if something goes wrong with Roxanne's cuts or something started to eat at me.

I didn't abandon him, mind you.. Once we got there, I basically told him to go find a 'battery' he can take home, and told him I'll be picking him back up when Roxanne and I head back home from this little gathering. I also like this plan because it means I didn't have to go back 'n forth to my house two more times, and instead just went from 'Pizzaplex' to 'Arin's house', which is no distance at all.

Haven't told Roxanne about Friendo joining us for the ride back. Boy will that be a pleasant surprise.

…

I should force Roxanne to give Friendo the front seat, just to see what would happen.

…

Someone would die, that's what would happen. Someone'd be dead. It could be any one of us, for any number of reasons, but someone would be dead by the end of it.

…

..Speaking of Roxanne, I was a little worried about leaving to go do something. I wasn't sure if she'd want to come with, or simply want me not to go, but I promised I'd be back before any meaningful amount of time would pass, and she left me alone pretty easy. Hanging out with all her friends most certainly helped keep her distracted, and content.

…

...

"You're gonna want to let all the employees know the dates, too."

"I can tell everyone through the group text on my phone."

...

"This seems fun." I semi-drone.

"It is how you run a business.."

...

"..Hey, I have a mildly serious question to ask about Icarus."

"Alright.." Arin readily replies, though through a hint of reluctance.

"Maybe not specifically regarding her, but the reason I ask is because she's wandering the Pizzaplex." I begin, lifting my head and letting my arm fall lazily on the back of the chair. "..I understand, to some degree, why you decided to stop relying on crime and everything. You cornered Cooper with a gun, a passerby with a concealed-carry shot you and ran off, and Cooper took you in for some ridiculous reason. I'm sure there's a lot that happened between then and now that resulted in who you are, but I see where the potential for change was."

"It took quite a bit more than that, but yes, I figured it out eventually.. It isn't necessarily 'crime' I expurgated; a significant portion of how we're handling Cooper's death is illegal. But I suppose I grew something of a ethic conscious.. "

"Sure, I guess that's what I meant.. You were 'bad', now you aren't, and I can understand how that happened. What I don't understand is how that resulted in your whole little 'group' deciding to follow a similar 'route'."

"Mm.."

"..I mean - this kind of thing isn't my forte, so it doesn't click with me, but maybe there's some feeling I'm glancing over."

"..."

...

Arin's contemplative silence leaves a lot to the imagination.. I'm finding it particularly difficult to pin down what he's feeling in response to the things I say.

..After a few seconds, I turn my head in some arbitrary direction and try my best to think of things from a different angle..

...

"What do I know, though.. I guess we're all human.. I've heard plenty of times that a majority of criminals like that those are just misunderstood, but it-"

"They aren't." Arin suddenly interjects.. His tone is enough to break my train of thought and cause me to look back down at the back of his head.

...

"..No..?"

...

"I'm.. a little tired of hearing that.." He sighs, continuing to type something in. "..I don't mean to say that some criminals don't lead tough lives, a majority of them do. But no, people like you think too highly of people like us.. We weren't misunderstood. I wasn't misunderstood. We deserved no sympathy, but far too often did fools who were lost in a bright and colorful fantasy try to offer us some. There were moments that we were vulnerable, weak, and afraid; sometimes as a result of a failed robbery, sometimes because of our own stupidity. Bruised and bloodied, we watched as some delusional middle-aged sap came up and expressed vulnerability to us in some attempt at appeal-to-emotion. That is not how a criminal mind works. That is not how you should treat criminals who are in a desperate state. That is how you die. That is how they died. You cannot treat us like we're human, because the moment you give us the opportunity, we will prove that we aren't."

"Ah.. well.."

…

"Everyday criminals are not the result of a hardened heart, but an unfathomably primitive one.. They do not share the sense of humanity that others do, not because they ignore the emotion, but because often times they are incapable of comprehending a feeling like empathy. Half of us evolved to shun such a feeling so well that we could only feel it when deliberately trying too, and the other half simply did not have the brainpower to support hypotheticals; an ability empathy is entirely dependent on. We're not like you. We couldn't think 'how would I feel if this happened to me?', not just because we chose not to, but sometimes, because we couldn't. We were animals - I was an animal; a barbaric-"

"Okay, alright, that's enough.." I interject, briefly leaning over my chair to poke Arin's arm and ground him back to reality.

...

"I prefer not to think about it very much.." Arin mutters, discontentedly laying his hands upon the keyboard again

...

..Jesus..

That was new; I couldn't have told you Arin was even capable of getting that riled up..

...

"..I guess I don't grasp the full picture, then.." I hum, gradually shifting back to leaning on my chair.

"It is a picture the media desperately likes to claim they understand, but they do not."

"At least you managed to turn out alright in the end, right?"

"Yes, but for every 'criminal' like me 'redeemed', a score of good righteous law-abiding civilans are lost in the process. It is not worth it."

...

..This-..

...

..This may take more time..

...

"You, uhm.. maybe want to talk about things like this some other time?"

"I can't say for certain that time will make this conversation any easier, Michael.."

"Right, but.. I was thinking it might be a better idea to save sensitive and emotional topics for when you're not, ah.."

...

"For when I'm not so weak of mind.." Arin finishes for me.

"That's a little harsh, you have every right to be sensitive at a time like this. Cooper was important, and dealing with him was difficult, I understand."

...

"I'm volatile.." He mutters, moreso to himself than to me. He takes a break from typing to look at his hands on the keyboard.

"..You don't have to demonize yourself over it, Arin; it's alright. What better time than this to be a little touchy?"

...

"..Perhaps I'm not as recovered as I thought.."

...

"You want to go get food and play a game with everyone?"

"..I don't have many games.."

"I saw a deck of cards up there. Poker."

...

Arin carefully stands from his chair, taking a deep breath as he does so.

"..You claimed the reason you asked about Icarus was because of her presence in the Pizzaplex.."

...

"..Well, yeah.. Why?"

"You didn't explain why that had pushed you to ask if she had truly changed or not."

"..Mm.."

...

…

Arin turns his head a bit, as if starting to look back at me before aborting the process a short time in.

"..Is it because you're afraid?"

...

…

"Yeah."

...

Exhaling, Arin then crouches onto one knee from where he stands, reaching under the desks leg-space.

..Understandably curious, I stop leaning on the back of my wooden chair and take a step to the side, fruitlessly trying to get an angle on what he's doing.

...

"Sorry, maybe admitting that I'm intimidated by something isn't the best look for a security guard.." I comment after a second or two.

"That isn't true." Arin huffs under the desk, accompanied by some subtle metallic clicks. "Fear is good. It is what keeps people alive, and it is what pushes people to protect. It isn't the presence of fear that distinguishes one's character, but where that fear is directed, and how it is responded to."

"..?"

"You're afraid, less of what might happen to you should you need to confront her, but more of what might happen to the Pizzaplex and the home of your friends if you leave her un-attended."

"..That's quite the conclusion to jump to; all I told you was that I was intimidated."

"I had already told you that there is no reason for you to interact with her again until her work is finished. If you're still afraid enough to bring up concerns like the one you just had, it must be a fear for something else."

- clunk -

A heavy metallic pressure is released, and I can just barely identify a small door swinging open beneath the desk.

A small metal safe.

"..."

"..Regardless, Michael, we have no choice but to handle this with one-another." Arin explains, fighting off an undertone of displeasure he still feels towards me killing Cooper.

...

..Standing up from under the desk, Arin turns around and outstretches his arm towards me; asking me to take something.

...

A worn, slightly rusted, and seemingly loaded firearm.

A gun.

...

"I do not know what will happen these next couple days, but right now, it does not take much for everything to end" Arin continues. "..But I will not lose Cooper's legacy mere days after it became my responsibility to preserve it. I believe Icarus is true to her word, but regardless of who I trust, I cannot know for sure how things will go. I cannot be everywhere at once.. I need you to be able to deal with a problem, whatever it may be, before it burns everything we have left."

"..."

…

"..And.. I am volatile.." Arin shamefully admits through a quiet sigh in response to my initial inaction. "..This interaction we've been having is proof enough that I may not have the judgement it takes when under pressure.."

…

"I do not care what it takes, I do not care what it costs. We are not done with the Pizzaplex. Protect it, until we are."

...

Dust falls from the aged wooden grip as my fingers wrap its base.

..Whew..

...

I step back into the living room, hands in pockets. It's no quieter in here than it was when Arin and I first went downstairs, but the bustle is so optimistic that I don't think I really mind.

...

Man.. 'Awkward' doesn't quite fit the bill for how that whole interaction down there went, but it was certainly something along the lines of discomforting.. Deliberately going somewhere secluded with him and facing what happened, in addition to his past, without distraction was a rough time.. The air gets heavy, and the words don't come to you naturally..

..Nothing important is ever easy, I guess..

...

Roxanne hasn't moved much; still planted in that couch cushion of hers. Even her soda can is still nearby.. Though I suppose everyone else is about where I left them, too.

Naturally, I begin to move closer, in hopes of annoying the wolf out of the good time she's having.

...

Now that I think about it, Roxanne's voice has made up a curiously small proportion of the conversation going on in here..

It doesn't look like she's having a bad time, though. Still a lazy grin plastered on that punch-able face of hers.. I guess Roxy isn't really much of a group-conversationalist, provided she isn't the center of attention. She likes listening in and partaking in the chit-chat, but will often prefer the latter over the former.

..Roxanne has sub-consciously itched her arms a couple times since I've been looking at her.. Her undisturbed positive expression is gonna allow me to believe it isn't something I need to worry about for the time being, though. If something was wrong, she'd show it.

...

..Or maybe I'm just an antsy psychopath looking way too far into her body language..

"Wwwwolf." I drone, reaching a few feet away from the couch before Roxanne tilts her head away from the active gossip circle going on nearby.

"Lllllavender-man."

"Finished, for now. There's still a little bit of instability in the air, so we only pushed the talk so far tonight, but we made the decisions that you and I came here to make."

"Wwwwhat'd you two decide?"

"Nothing horribly specific, to be honest. Arin and I will probably tell everyone when we get a game going here in a little bit."

"Wwwwwhat game?" Roxanne hums, leaning back and spreading her arms out across the back of the couch, as if amused by the sheer idea of us all doing one thing at the same time.

"Just poker - something practically designed to be done 'in the background' while we all just socialize for a bit."

"Dddddunno how to play; doesn't that include 'chips'?"

"There are chips here, I saw them by the same place I saw the deck of cards. Don't worry, by the way - Poker's a little difficult to explain but it's actually about as simple as card games get."

"Hhhhhave fun teach-"

"Stop doing that."

"Have fun teaching the gator-bird gang; they probly' dunno how to play any game that doesn't include running and diving everywhere."

"I'm sure they'll learn quick. They're performers for children - that job would be hell for them if patience wasn't at least some portion of their character."

"Whatever you say. Trudge'll probably be teaching Chica anyway, so that's not your problem. I bet between Freddy and Arin your help won't be necessary." Roxanne guesses, exhaling an amused huff out her snout shortly after and lazily pointing a finger up at me. "You'll be too busy teaching me, anyway~."

"Uh-huh. Nothing quite as intimate as teaching someone how to play a card game; that sure isn't a perfectly normal thing that people do all the time."

"I can make it interesting if I want. But, anyway, when are we starting? Now?"

"Soon, probably whenever Arin gets back from what he's doing."

"Arin?"

"Yeah. He might still be downstairs - he had to finish putting in the details of what we decided into the 'system', or whatever database we have for the Pizzaplex."

"Arin's right behind you, idio-"

"I'm right here, sorry.." Arin's voice emanates from a solid 3 feet behind me. If it wasn't for Roxanne's early warning, I might've jumped out of my skin.

"Oh - kay, sorry; whoops.." I uncontrollably respond, quickly turning over my shoulder to find the businessman himself standing politely behind me, hands folded behind his back.

"I can get things ready, if you believe now's a good time to play.."

"Yeah, well.. No reason to wait, I supp-…. Sheesh - I thought you were still putting stuff in the laptop down there..?"

"No, I.. I was right behind you as we walked up the stairs..?"

...

..The effect of my quizzatic stare is drowned out by the sound of Roxanne's giggling.

"..You're awfully sneaky for someone wearing dress shoes.."

"I wasn't trying to-.." Arin begins to respond, before evidentially trailing off in his confusion as I turn to talk to the rest of the gang.

"Hey - we're gonna get a game of poker started in the dining room, as well as tell everyone what the plan is for these next few days. Don't leave a mess in the living room. Please.."

After some chuckles and miscellaneous noises of acknowledgement, a majority of our small crowd here begins to shift upward amidst their uninterrupted small talk with one another. I subtly gesture to the wolf's empty canned soda before making my way toward the dining room doorway.

I know Arin said he'll get things ready, but I like to think I'm just barely able to be considered coherent enough to handle 'setting up' a deck of cards and series of plastic chips. Plus, he made a mesmerizing arrangement of food for everyone, so I think I'll make myself useful today. Arin might protest this, but my argument is that 'I'm closer to the deck of cards and will get there before you do', and unless he gets very emotional about who sets up tonight's game, I doubt he'll be passionate enough to 'argue' with that logic.

...

I peek over my shoulder just as I pass the doorway. Roxanne's in the middle of standing up off the couch, debating whether or not to leave the soda can in the living room purely out of spite.

..And Arin's curiously looking at his dress shoes, presumably because I said he's sneaky in them..

...

This is a weird bunch.

...

"Mm-mm.." I hum negatively, plopping my cards on the table in resignation.

..I don't think I play all that cautiously, but there just hasn't been much potential on the table. So, fold it is, I suppose.

Shortly after, Arin calmly sits his cards down with far less flare. Freddy and Monty are casually conversing, pretending not to be watching each other's 'poker face', which is hilarious considering Monty barely knows how to play.

I lean back in my chair a bit and quietly spectate the light commotion going on around the table, waiting for the next round to start.

...

"Mike.." Roxanne half-whispers, leaning over a considerable amount to show me her cards.

"Mm?" I acknowledge, leaning towards her a bit as well.

"These just have to be the same number?"

"Yeah. It'd make a pair with the one on the table - you're doing it right."

"Does it mean anything that they're the same color?"

"I don't believe so."

" 'Kay.." Roxanne replies, retreating and laying her hands on the table but keeping the cards in her grip to indicate she's staying in for the round. She's sitting up straight in her chair and watching people around the table with curiosity, which is kinda interesting. I'm assuming the reason she's so alert and interested in the game at the moment is 'cause it's her first time playing it. New experience and whatnot.

...

..She had all the fuggin' eights..

...

"Is this the whole game?" Roxy quietly asks, waiting for the turn to end.

"Pretty much. I told you it wasn't very hard."

"You made it sound kinda hard when you explained it."

"It's something you learn better by doing - verbally explaining the rules sounds complicated no matter how you go about it."

"You get two cards, they put three cards on the table, you see if any combination of those five cards makes a good hand, you bet money if you think yours is gonna be the best hand, and whoever has the best hand at the end of the round wins the money we all bet."

"People won't know what a 'good hand' means."

"There's a list of like ten card combinations you can pull up on your phone or whatever. They're hands. The combinations that are harder to get win over the ones that are easier to get."

"Very cool, wolf.."

"It is easy to explain; I just did it."

"Mhm. Now all you need is to find someone to explain it to."

"Can I see your cards?"

"What-? No." I deny, batting away Roxanne's hand that was gravitating towards my cards on the table.

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?"

"You folded already."

"You can still figure things out from my cards."

"You literally folded already- you can't win no matter what."

"Yes, but they'll tell you what cards the others don't have."

"Whythefuck would I care about what cards the others don't have-? I need to know what they have."

"It narrows down what cards the others might h-, Stop touching me."

"..."

...

"..Stop reaching for th- Why do you want to see my cards so bad?"

"It's a matter of principle now."

"The round's over - go look at the new card."

"Fine." Roxanne chimes, pleasantly satisfied with her fuckery. Once again, I can't help but notice Roxanne briefly itch her arms every now and then.. Judging by Roxanne's behavior, I'm not sure she even realizes she's doing it.

...

..Alright, whelp..

Guess now's as good a time as any..

...

I turn my head to the other side of me, where Arin curiously meets my gaze upon seeing me look his way.

"..You wanna explain everything or should I?"

"I can't imagine it matters.." Arin mutters, obviously a little tired of his feelings for the day.

"How about I explain things, and you cover anything I forgot to mention?"

"If you say so.."

I hum as I turn back to the rest of the table, slowly taking a couple deep breaths to make sure I explain things clearly without tripping over my own words.

..There isn't all that much to say, I suppose.. I sure hope there's nothing I forget to mention, considering the grand total of things we decided can be counted on one hand.

...

The deck of cards is handed over to me, and I decide there's no better time to grab everyone's attention for a moment than when I'm also the one shuffling and handing out the cards this round.

...

"Alright.. So, before I forget: Arin and I decided on how we're going to handle these next few days." I nonchalantly announce, dancing the cards in my hands as I talk. "There are still a few more things that are being worked on around the Pizzaplex that we want to finish before re-opening, but there's a timetable in pl-"

"Mikeyyy~..!" Chica briefly interrupts with excitedly girly chime.

…

"..We-, um... Yes..?"

"Look at you go!"

She plays some sort of crude charades with her hands on the table, performing what I assume to be some gesture I'm not familiar with..

...

I subtly glance up at Roxanne in a desperate cry for interpretation, who chuckles under her breath as she lazily points at me.

"She means she likes the way you shuffle, purp-twerp."

"What..?"

..Oh.. Chica's mimicking my shuffling with an invisible deck of cards - that's what the mystery gesture she's performing.

"Oh – okay, sorry.." I stutter out after a moment, evaluating the conversation and looking at my hands as if trying to see what they do for myself.

"No- I like it! I thought it was flashy!" Chica defends.

"W.. Wait I wasn't looking - whuhhappen..?" Monty mumbles from the other side of the table.

"Right, yeah - I meant 'sorry for taking so long to figure out what you meant'." I quickly explain, sheepishly chuckling under my breath. "..Uhm.. Cards was something I did often during certain portions of my life. It was just enough to keep my hands busy while letting my mind think about other things."

"Do it again - Monty didn't see." The bird commands.

..Mmkay..

...

"..Anyway.. In regards to what's immediately important to you guys: We think we'll have you all back in the Pizzaplex in about a week, give or take a few days in either direction.. Oh- but even after you guys get there, it might still be a day or two until we re-open. I'm not super sure how long-"

"That'scool." Monty slurs his words together, his head nearly lying on the table as a result of him trying to get the best angle to watch my shuffling with.

"T-.. Thanks, I'm-"

"How'dothat?"

"Talk like a person."

"How Do You Do That?"

...

"..They're just a bunch of little tricks I picked up; I doubt they're any more effective than shuffling a 'boring' way.."

"How'do y'do the thing where the cards all arc 'n fall down?"

"Oh that's just.. That's just a bridge shuffle, or something - It's pretty common, as far as I'm aware; but, uhm, here.."

..Fancy little party trick, ahoy..

...

"Michael." Monty enunciates as soon as I finish my pointless little trick, as if I've been hiding something from him and he's just now seeing it. Out of the corner of my eye I see Chica enthusiastically bounce a bit and try to point out what I'm doing to Trudge, who's already been watching the whole interaction and is chuckling in response to my little gimmick.

I've discovered my life's worth, apparently..

"..I have never seen that one before.." Arin quietly comments next to me among the childlike noises coming from the rest of the table.

"I think I made this one up.. You play a lot of cards?" I ask, questioning his word choice.

"Infrequently, though mostly out of obligation.. I was, however, often nearby an ongoing card game back before Cooper became such a prominent aspect of my life.. I recall watching a lot of shuffling techniques, and while I've seen one relatively similar to that, it's still noticeably different."

"It's just a revision of a regular shuffling trick - it probably should strike you as familiar.. The original's called the, um.. Something..Fan.. smear-fan, maybe – I can't remember.." I gradually piece together a coherent sentence, astounded at how my social skills have completely ceased to exist the moment Chica put me in the center of attention. "..Whatever – It was one Henry taught me, and it stuck, but I recall disliking how ineffective it was at actually shuffling the deck, so I guess I messed with it until I figured this out on my own.."

"Refined in both flare and practicality. It's not common to flat-out improve on just about anything.. Is Henry your friend?" Arin nonchalantly asks, tapping the table with his fingers.

"..Ah.. He was a friend of the family at one point, yeah. That's as far as his relevance goes, though; he doesn't need to mean much more to us than 'the guy who taught Mike a card trick' anymore."

"Mm.. Well, the trick is far quicker than what I remember the fan shuffle to be."

" 's like a peacock that completely opens and closes its feather display three times a second." Roxanne butts in with an amused hum. She's propping her head up with her free hand and side-eyeing me with a punch-able sly smile.

"I do it to attract mates like a peacock too." I mutter sarcastically, filing the cards in my hands and getting ready to actually play with them.

"How's it feel to be in the spotlight for thirty seconds?"

"I'm a little surprised that the group who entertains children and plays games for a living is so alien to the concept of shuffling card-tricks.."

"Don't think the age-group we're responsible for entertaining has much interest in, y'know, gambling."

"I like these kinds of card games but I can't even remember the last time I played for money. I'm led to believe that taking the material gain out of the equation turns it from 'gambling' to 'game'."

"Very cool, give me my cards."

Mm, right..

...

The cards slide out to everyone, and the deck is sat in place. As I draw the top three cards and lay them out in the table, I glance up at everyone else again.

"..If you think a pointless little shuffling gimmick is neat, you should see what Trudge can do with a pencil and napkin.."

"Don't. Don't pawn off the attention of me – I don't want it." Trudge lazily wails in response to the few mildly-interested glances shot in his direction.

"Whoops."

"What have I done for you to cross me so?"

"Nothing, I just prefer the stagelights shining upon someone else.." I explain, leaning back in my chair with a soft huff.

"..What- can Trudge draw?" Roxanne half-whispers over to me again.. I, in turn, stare up at her for a few seconds with a blank expression.

...

"..Yes Trudge can dr-.. You've seen his drawings before. Several times."

"What?"

"I've shown you his sketches before."

...

"..Oh yeah.." Roxanne mutters dismissively, looking back down at the cards in her hands like that conversation never happened.

Despite the overwhelming compulsion to make fun of her, I decide to let this one go and zone back in on whatever's going on around the table.

"..-ere was a drawing board in that part of the Pizzaplex at all.." Freddy comments back at Trudge, sheepishly scratching the back of his head.. I only zoned in in time to hear the latter half of his sentence, and I'm not really able to piece together what he was saying with just that..

"It's not a super big room, there's just a few kids that like to mess with all the drawing stuff in there. And a poster board. And pins."

"Well.. I would like to see this room when we return to the Pizzaplex.."

"Yurp. Most of them are done by kids though, but y'know, they'd probably wanna show you what they draw if you happen to wander in from time to time." Trudge responds, looking back down at his piece of.. paper..

...

I subtly look back and forth, then turn over my shoulder a bit to scan the rest of the room..

...

..I'll add 'paper' to the list of things Trudge is able to manifest out of thin air..

...

"Y'know, you didn't tell us a whole lot." Roxanne comments, folding with a lazy lob of the cards.

"Mm?"

"You made it sound like you had a lot more 'upcoming plans' to brief us on."

"Mm.." I hum, looking up from my hand. "..I guess the conversation got a little off-track."

"Whatcha gonna do 'bout that?"

...

"..Not much, I suppose.. As far as 'information everyone needs' goes, all the gang needed was the estimated time we'd be taking them back.. I might just tell Freddy a few other specifics that Arin and I talked about and let him debrief the gang whenever he feels it to be necessary." I explain, coming up with the idea as it leaves my mouth and pondering on it for a moment. "..Yeah, that might be for the best.. I'll find a time before we leave to tell Freddy."

"Haha, yeah, and you're gonna tell 'me' as well. *Right*?" Roxanne forcefully demands through her sarcasm.

"Yes, you too.."

"Good."

...

"Bleh.." I mutter, tossing my cards on the table as well.

"Whadja have?"

"Nary a damn."

"Sucks."

I chuckle under my breath and side-eye the wolf as the two of us push our cards towards the middle of the table so that they can be re-shuffled.

"What's your deal all the sudden?"

"..'Hell do you mean 'what's my deal'?"

"You got awfully volatile in the last twenty minutes."

"No I didn't." Roxanne responds, lazily propping her head up with her hand.

…

"..You can't 'no I didn't' an accusation."

"Quiet, you're insane."

...

Under the arm propping her head up, I spot Roxy's other hand wrapping around her waist to itch the skin just above her hip, before naturally returning to whatever it was doing before.

"What's up with that, by the way?" I badger, briefly pointing at the portion of her body she just scratched at.

"..What's up with what?"

"The scratching - did you cover your entire body in bug-bites in the time it took you to walk from my car to Arin's front door?"

"Ugh - I don't know, it's pissing me off too." Roxanne huffs rather emotionally at the mention of it, consciously taking her hand from the table to itch a part of her waist with a bit more ferocity than when she does it reflexively. "I'm just itchy for some reason; it's been building up throughout the day."

"Really? ..Huh.." I wonder out loud, looking down at her arms and getting lost in thought for a moment.

"It's not bad or anything, it's just annoying."

...

"Mm.. Maybe it's just 'cause this is the longest your cuts have been exposed to the air, and it makes them a little scratchy.."

"They keep getting itchier, though; what the hell are they trying to accomplish by being itchy?" Roxanne huffs again, lifting her arms a bit and looking down at herself as if she'd be able to physically see what's causing the itchiness through her clothes and fur.

"They might be getting itchier because you keep scratching them.. You're making them irritated."

...

..?

..I subtly glance up at Roxanne's face after the peculiar silence on her end, nonchalantly taking the cards the dealer slid in my direction as I do so..

She still has her arms up, but Rox's gaze has gone distant for some reason, as if thinking..

...

..It, frankly, looks like something we said reminded her of something else relevant to the topic..

...

"..Whatever, it's fine." Roxanne abruptly decides, lowering her arms and sinking back down in her chair.

...

"Did you think of something..?"

"Not really. It doesn't itch enough for me to keep being pissy about it." Roxy comments boredly. She casually takes her cards and fidgets with them in her hands, but there's something unnatural about the motion..

...

She's hiding something from me..

..I cock a brow, a little intrigued with her decision to keep me out of the loop this time.. It isn't the 'secret' part that's concerning, but the topic that she's choosing to keep a secret about..

There's a bit of restlessness in her movements as she deliberately chooses to act nonchalant.. I believe Roxanne's more than likely able to handle whatever it is she's deciding not to tell me about, but at a place like this, not even small chances are ones I'm all that comfortable with taking..

...

"You need anything..?" I ask, letting a little bit of the suspicion into my voice as if forewarning that I'm onto her.

"No, why?" Roxy replies, completely oblivious.

...

"Just making sure.."

"I'm fine, Mike."

"Alright.."

...

..Over the course of the next minute or two, the round plays out as normal. The conversation going on around us preventing either of us from feeling any obligation to say anything more.

...

As soon as the cards are handed in, however..

"M'kay." Roxanne exhales, casually pushing her chair back away from the table. "I'm done. You all keep playing if you want, I'm gonna go find something else to do."

I side-eye her as she rises from her chair. Soon after, I hear Arin hum decidedly about something, and I turn my neck to face him.

"It has been a while.. We can wrap this up, if everyone else is feeling satisfied." Arin politely declares, scooting his chair back as well.

Monty starts saying something in response immediately after, but I let the conversation fall into the background as I turn to look up at Roxanne again. However, all I see is a glimpse of her tail through the doorway as she waltzes out of the kitchen. Notably, not in the direction of the living room..

Where else would Roxanne want to go? Obviously not the kitchen to get some food; she just walked straight through it..

...

"Arin." I call out, turning around just in time to see Arin standing from his chair.

"Michael..?"

"Out of curiosity, where does Cooper take all the stuff related to the old Freddy's, like the old animatronic suits? Does he bring them here?"

"Cooper has a work-room downstairs. I would assume that's where it all ends up, but I can't say for certain."

..Downstairs?

…

"There's more than the one room downstairs?" I ask, perhaps idiotically.

"Yes."

"Really-? I don't particularly remember seeing one when you and I were down there."

"It's easy to miss. It was hollowed out after the house had already been built, and they did little more than cut a door out of the wall, so it wouldn't stick out."

"Where is it?"

"To the side of the stairs as you're walking down. The same rough area that all the miscellaneous boxes are scattered down there."

…

..I subconsciously tap my chair a few times, feeling the information trigger various errors in my brain as it tries to apply it to reality..

"..And you don't actually 'know' for sure whether that's where Cooper kept all of his Freddy's stuff..?"

Arin looks up at me for a second or two, before breaking eye contact and gazing off to the side somewhat.

"..No, I.. I haven't really wanted to go in there lately.."

…

..That sentence tickled a couple wary red flags in my brain, specifically about what that might say about Arin's approach to coping, but that's gonna have to be for later..

"Mm.. You haven't seen him taking anything in there?"

"I didn't come here every day, I still have a place of my own. And the days I did visit, Cooper's usually here before I am; so anything he's needed to unload, he's usually already unloaded it before I arrive."

"And you never felt the need to poke your head in, for curiosity sake?"

"Well, I.. I understand this isn't a particularly justifiable answer, but if I am responding honest, I simply never had much interest in any of the old Freddy's nonsense; that was only Cooper's hobby.."

"..I suppose that's fair, if a little ironic.. What do you think's down there?"

"I'm not entirely clueless – I've been in there a few times, just.. not recently, I suppose.. Last I saw, there were mostly papers and a few trinkets. Plans, prints, miscellaneous business artifacts; nothing particularly eye-catching, but.." Arin trails off for a minute, going blank for a second to confirm something in his mind before saying anything to me. "..With all the random nonsense from the older Freddy's location manifesting before us, it might not be too unreasonable to assume it's where he's keeping the old suits, or other more significant memorabilia's."

Wonderful.. How exciting..

…

"..Wheelp.. Thanks - that's good to know. I was only asking to make sure there's no risk of Roxanne stumbling into a bunch of old stuff by accident or something." I breathe, pushing off the chair and gazing in the direction the canine was last seen heading.

"It's not impossible that Cooper isn't storing anything down there at all – I'm only hypothesizing.. Next time I'm monitoring payments I'll look out for any money being dedicated to off-site storage like a warehouse or some such; maybe he keeps everything in its own area."

"That'd be nice to know as a general thing, sure. It's not remotely urgent, so don't move that up too high in your priority list – I really was just asking to make sure nothing gets stumbled into."

"Sure.."

...

I'm not sneaking by any means, but I do make a small effort to keep my footsteps inaudible as I walk across the carpeted floor, down the hallway I believe Roxanne went down.

..And sure enough, as I approach an open doorway, I happen to hear plastic and drawers being ruffled ever so slightly.. I don't know what room this doorway will lead into, but to be honest, I don't think it'll matter all that much either.

...

My feet reach the rim of the doorway, and I pause against the wall right outside for an extra second, just to be sure I'm stalking up to the right person.

It doesn't take long to figure out what I'm sure I already knew. All the commotion in the house is a couple rooms and a carpeted-hallway away, so this half of the house is silent enough for me to hear just about any noise that gets made. That includes Roxanne's breathing.

...

..It probably won't help if I just sit here and stalk instead of facing the situation like I should..

With a silent but filling breath, I nonchalantly take a step or two to be visible from the doorway, gently knocking on the wall to announce my presence without startling the wolf too bad. Still, I get a pleasantly sizeable jump out of her anyway..

Roxanne's in Arin's bathroom. Long before she can react, I find her standing in front of the sink with the medicine cabinet behind the mirror wide open, both her arms up and rummaging with what's inside like she's looting the place. I can't see her face immediately, since the medicine cabinet's door is at shoulder-height and is obscuring our heads from one another, but the moment Roxanne hears my knocking, she reacts with a flinch and by reflexively arc-ing her back to see who's at the door. About as 'guilty' as a reaction can get.

Medicine cabinet.. I don't know what Roxanne's hoping to find in there, but someone else's medicine isn't something you just casually rummage through. I'd be lying if I said this didn't raise the bar for how important this might be in my mind..

"fffucking Christ.." Roxanne whisper-yelps after my debut.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, the hell's wrong wi-?"

"Roxanne. What are you doing?" I repeat, not immediately harsh, but monotone.

...

..Don't think she liked my decision to not match her energy, but I suppose that's the point in a way..

...

"..Nothing, Mike. I'm not-.. What's wrong with you-? Why are you already so serious about this?"

"I'm making sure something bad doesn't arise from taking stupid risks.."

...

..Roxanne only stares at me like she's uncomfortable with me being here; her snout lowered just an inch.. I haven't given her the time or state of mind to come up with excuses, and she's looking at me like that's unfair..

Sorry, wolf. I can't afford to take pity on you at a time like this.. All it takes is one mistake for someone to get suspicious of us, and the moment that happens, it'll all be a downwards spiral..

...

"..I'm not doing anything.."

"Come on, wolf.."

"Mike- nothing's wrong. You don't need to make a big deal out of this."

"You're sneakily rooting through someone else's medicine cabinet. That's more than enough reason for me to want justification."

"Look - I can handle myself. I'm trying to show you that I can handle myself; just get out of here this time." Roxanne points through the doorway, telling me to leave.

...

"Rox - I believe you can handle yourself; I just think we'd feel a lot better if we both knew what the other is doing."

"Oh go fuck yourself- you do *not* get to lecture me about hiding things."

"I know, but I'm trying not to hide things from you anymore, like you wanted.."

"And I'm trying to prove that I can handle myself, okay..? Just let me do my thing, and we'll all be okay. You won't see me as a problem anymore." Roxanne whines, tone gradually softening.

"I don't think of you as a problem, wolf - of course I don't. We've been handling this whole thing together."

"That's not what I mean, just-.." She exhales, half flustered and half exhausted. "..Mike, can you please just trust me to be okay on my own this time..? I can't prove anything if you keep worrying about the shit I'm doing.."

...

Nn..

"..You can't prove whatever you're trying to prove some other time? When we're not at risk of the others being suspicious..?"

"The risk is what makes it meaningful, Mike. No."

"If things don't go as planned here, there's a lot we risk giving away. And there is no going back after that.." I warn through a weary whisper, slipping my hands in my pockets as if that'll somehow alleviate me of this responsibility.

"I can handle it. I'll show you, I promise, just let me."

"I believe you, I just also think that working together to reduce risks-"

"That's not the point, Mike - come on.."

"Rox - this isn't a game, challenging ourselves at a time like this is a terrible idea."

"How else can I show you I can handle myself? How else if not this?"

"There'll be more opportunities, let's just-"

"Please..?"

...

..I think Roxanne's starting to learn that she can sway me easier by being vulnerable, instead of being aggressive..

...

nn..

...

"..Look, just-.." I begin with a defeated sigh. "..I'll let you do your thing, but you have to tell me if something doesn't go the way it should, alright..? No one's perfect - I won't think any less of you if you need help.."

"I can handle it on my own, even if it's hard. The whole point is that you stop worrying about me, so I won't hold you back.."

...

..I don't know what that means.. I don't know what she means by 'hold me back', but I don't like it..

...

Ugh, there's something inherently wrong with trusting someone to work things out, whilst simultaneously knowing that letting them do as they please means letting them root through pill bottles..

...

"..Fine.. I'm gonna go talk with Freddy.."

"Okay."

...

"So I'll probably be where everyone else is.. The living room, or something.."

"Okay, Mike, sounds good. I'll be there soon, alright?"

"Mm.."

...

..With nothing else for either of us to say, I force myself to tear my vision away, and start to make my way back with everyone else with a sheepish wave.. However, I'm only able to make it a few steps down the hall before Roxanne leans out of the doorway and calls after me.

" *Alright?* " Roxanne repeats, insistently.

"..What?" I reply, turning just enough to look back at her again.

"I said I'll be there soon, alright?"

"Alright, alright; I heard you."

...

..For some reason, this doesn't appear to be enough. Roxanne only stands there, staring at me like she has more to say.. Her ears are drooped a bit, which I only see in the incredibly rare occasions that she's feeling guilty or regretful about something; which is why it's kind of strange to see it in the context we're in.. If she is feeling that way, I honestly couldn't tell you what for..

...

"..Mike, I still trust you, I'm-.. I promise I'm not hiding things from you, okay?"

"I know, I believe you."

...

"Look - I'm sorry, alright..? I'm not trying to be mean.."

"..I never said you were being mean- what are you talking about?"

"I'm just saying - I'm doing this so that you'll trust me more; but that won't work if all I end up doing is making you mad at me.."

"I'm not mad at you; did it seem that way..?"

"No, but.."

...

"..Okay, well, regardless, I'm not."

...

..Somehow, Roxanne doesn't look very satisfied with that answer..

...

"..Just-.. I'll be out in a minute, okay?"

"Don't rush anything for my sake - I can handle keeping myself entertained for a while."

"I won't even be gone that long, I'll come find you when I'm done."

"I know, I get it.."

"Okay.. I'll be there soon.." Roxanne finishes, stepping back into the bathroom.

I heard you the first four times..

...

..That was weird.. Was that another one of her abrupt mood changes..?

...

Either way, whuff.. All that confidence of hers changed to insecurity at the drop of a hat..

...

I'd better not waste this time. At the very least, it'd be a good idea to keep track of everyone while Roxanne goes about whatever she's doing.

..I know that kinda defeats the point of 'not worrying about her', but she's subtly helped me out with my bullshit before. No harm in doing just a tad bit to return the favor.

…

Obviously unable to help being lost in my mind, I come scarily close to tripping over something.

Despite all the thoughts telling me to dismiss it and continue doing what I need to do, I take a moment to glance back at what's been left on the hallway floor for some reason..

A dog bowl.

…

..I.. I'd almost forgotten Cooper had a dog.. I only know at all because Arin told me in the lobby while I was trying to leave for good..

..Ha.. If I remember right, it disappeared.. Though based on what Arin told me Cooper's state was at the time, I don't have high hopes for whatever happened to the poor thing..

…

This world has a funny way of feeding me thoughts I don't really want to think about..

..Who knows, maybe that's intentional..

…

The living room's grown a hair dimmer than it was before. Think that means the good ol' sun is starting to set.

Chica and Freddy are over by the edge of the couch, seemingly having made a discussion topic about the TV remote in Freddy's hand.

I can hear Trudge and Monty in the dining room, their conversation nearly as loud as the one being held in the room I'm actively in.. Though I suppose the rooms are attached by a simple archway, and the true distance between groups can't be any more than four or five meters.

I try listening for signs of Arin in the kitchen.. but to no avail. He must be somewhere else.

Not gonna worry about it too much, though. There's always the potential that he's in the same area of the house as Roxanne, but I'm gonna swallow the impulse to go check and assume the wolf will be able to handle things either way..

...

"..Ah - if they would like to turn on the TV, they're welcome to. I can't remember what channel it was last set to, but they can surf until they find something they enjoy.."

Alternatively, Arin could be, y'know, right behind me. Jesus.

"You might wanna tell them that.. Where did you come from?"

"I was in the basement, and noticed you walking past as I was taking the stairs back up. Sorry.."

"You were in the basement again?"

Arin starts to respond, but our attention is briefly snagged by the television flaring to life; the volume up decently high, but ultimately drowned out by the surrounding conversation. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Chica pumping her fists in the air triumphantly.

"..Yes, just for a moment. Only seeing if we had more beverages down there." Arin replies after a brief pause, continuing to stare at Freddy and his tag-along.

"You keep drinks down there..?" I ask, doing my best not to sound like an idiot.. There were a few storage containers and boxes in the basement, but nothing immediately stuck out as consumables.

"We keep 'things' down there - whatever we have too much of.. We ordered beverages for the break rooms in bulk, so they come in boxes, but we usually have a container or two to spare. Your conversation with Roxanne reminded me.."

"Neat.. Were there any?"

"Well, I.. Sorry for leading you on, but I could not check completely; moving everything off of each other would've been a tedious one-man job."

I dismissively nod, returning my sights ahead as conversation fades into the background for a moment.

…

..I won't lie, I'm..

…

I'm, uh. Thirsty.

I want a drink. Enough so to make stupid decisions like taking on a 'tedious one-man job'.

…

..Who the hell would care if they saw me moving boxes around down there anyway - they all know that wouldn't be the stupidest thing I've done for relatively pointless payoff.

Hell, that's a significant portion of my life now anyways..

…

Hnff..

…

..Y'know..

The very last thing Arin said to me was that moving and checking all the boxes down here would be a pain to do alone..

…

..If I had really looked between the lines of his words.. maybe I would have been able to foresee that this is a pain to do alone..

…

"Helllo?" A fatherly figure bellows partway down the stairs.

"Right here." I reply, letting them know where I am as I stand up straight. "..Freddy?"

"Hello." He repeats, continuing on while he descends the last couple steps. "Don't let me get in your way – I was only curious."

"Curious of what I'm doing?"

"Curious of the basement.. Though I wouldn't be opposed to learning what you are up to, either." Freddy politely explains, folding his arms and wandering over in my direction.

"Nothing interesting - scrounging for drinks. You haven't seen the basement?" I wonder out loud, bending down to keep moving the boxes at my feet.

"I try not to enter any rooms Arin has not guided me into at least once."

"Mm.. Arin doesn't want you coming into the basement?"

"He just hasn't granted me express permission to; I wasn't certain if this was a private area or not. But, if you're permitted to wander in and out of here whenever you like, perhaps I'll let myself get a little presumptuous and assume I may enter as well." He hums, with about as much 'mischief' as this bear is capable of demonstrating. Which isn't much.

"I can't imagine you'll hurt the concrete walls any." I huff, re-stacking a couple containers.

...

"..Out of.. sheer curiosity.. How does what you're doing correspond with 'scrounging for drinks'?"

"There might be a crate of sodas somewhere around here."

"..Is there a reason for you to believe as such, or are you just that desperate for a sugary beverage?"

I chortle, briefly opening a small box and checking its contents before closing it again.

"Maybe a little bit of both. Roxanne thinks I drink too much coffee, so she makes quite a scene whenever I try to make some for myself at home. Wouldn't mind a little caffeine boost today - it's been a while since I've done so much socializing."

"I was unaware you thought fondly of coffee. We have coffee machines at the Pizzaplex; you are obviously welcome to use them."

"I didn't really start drinking it again until after the Pizzaplex closed. I'm not usually drowsy at night since I work the night shift, but when I have to temporarily shift my schedule to the day-time, coffee helps."

Theoretically, anyway.. Still not 100% on if it truly does anything for me.

But, even if it doesn't, a placebo effect is good enough for me.

"I see." Freddy pleasantly concurs, stepping over in my direction. "..Well perhaps I can help you search, if you wouldn't despise a big brown fool getting in your way."

"Thanks, if you'd just lift a couple for a second so I can see what's underneath them this'd go a lot faster."

"Mhm."

Sure enough, bearboy figures out what I mean without a hitch, and reaches for a couple small boxes laying atop another.

...

"..Mmm-mm.. All the boxes shaped like this probably have the same thing in 'em, actually.. Move over here a sec'.."

"With the boxes?"

"What?"

"Do I put these boxes down or do I carry them with?" Freddy asks, poking his head out to the side to look at me.

"Oh- yeah, you can stack them back on top."

"The same place?"

"Yes."

"Must I set them down?"

"You are free to separate from the boxes."

"I have grown rather fond of them."

"You may continue to wield the boxes for the remainder of eternity, if you believe it to be your calling."

"Ah.." Freddy hums, kneeling to set the boxes down. "..Not quite that fond of them.."

"Maybe you'll like the next set of boxes more."

"It will never be the same."

"Pick up the boxes."

"Very well."

…

..Apparently all this time here trapped with Monty has gotten Freddy to finally sprout a sense of humor..

...

..Who am I do complain, I suppose. The lightheartedness is contagious, and a little soothing in its own way.

…

I guess there's no better time than now to say a couple things.. It's better I do so while he's in a good mood, even if it costs him this good mood.

...

"Hey, Fred?" I call from my crouched position, checking out the lower boxes for any distinguishing labels while Freddy holds a few up and out of my way.

"Michael."

...

"..Mm.. I just say thanks for being so welcoming today, I suppose.."

"..Am I unwelcoming on regular days?"

"No, but today in particular I was sort of expecting it."

"From me..?"

"A little bit, yep.." I sheepishly chuckle under my breath. "The last time we talked was when you met me in the corridor after the fire alarm went off.. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I remember the implications, and I can only imagine the confusion they left behind."

...

"..Ah.. well.."

"I just wanted to say that I understand how undesirable the position you've been in must be. Your name is plastered on the front of the Pizzaplex, and you're given the role of 'role-model' for your friends to look up to. To then be deliberately kept in the dark about what's going on with your friends and home must've been displeasing, at least."

"Aw - Michael, it wasn't-.."

Freddy fails to conjure a complete sentence, simply standing there in silence for a second. I'm sure he wasn't expecting a talk like this, but even so, he's usually pretty good with words in the spur of the moment.. Not good enough for my unique flavor of spontaneous bullshittery, however.

...

Like an idiot, words churn in my throat again, inevitably warning I'm about to unnecessarily ramble on about things further.

"I've been kind of dreading today, and a large portion of that was because I was unsure what you'd think of me when I arrived. You had every right to look upon me with scorn for casting you aside as hard as I did, but you didn't, and I don't wanna make that seem like nothing is all. I don't really have much else to express this other than 'thanks'. But, y'know.. Thanks for the warm welcome. It meant something." I finish, bonking the top of a box to show Freddy where he can set down the rest.

...

"Michael – I've long since chosen to trust you, long before that day had ever happened. As I demonstrated when Roxanne told me what happened with the old animatronics."

"..I suppose I see that, yeah.. There's not much for me to say for myself. I'm sorry that I took advantage of your trust, then still kept secrets fr-"

"That's not what I mean." Freddy politely interjects, setting the boxes down where I asked him to. "Trust isn't a colorful word for saying you like somebody. When I decided to trust you, I chose to believe that you have good reason behinds the secrets you keep, even if you keep them from me."

"Well.."

"I understand a lot has happened since then. Lately, times have been especially uncertain.. Frustrating, even."

"…"

"But I have not stopped believing that."

…

"..Why not?" I feel myself ask without my permission.

"..Well I believe you've proven yourself to be worthy of that belief.. I know that may sound dramatic, but that is the simplest manner of answer I can provide..."

"How have I proven anything?"

"You told me you could not share your secrets with me the day the fire alarm went off. So, I let you continue, trusting that you would find a way to make everything alright again, even without telling me everything."

"..I'm not sure I understand."

"Today, Michael. Today, we've spent our day eating, playing, and laughing with one another. The Pizzaplex is scheduled to re-open soon, and things will soon go back to normal." Freddy continues, somewhat monotone as if speaking in information alone. "..The condition to my trust was that, whatever comes of your secrets, you find a way to make everything okay again."

"..."

"And you did."

…

...

"..That day, Roxanne told you to stop me from leaving at all costs. Is that not a red flag for you..?"

"It was. Despite this monologue of 'trust' I'm droning on about, I was very worried what had happened between you two that could have resulted in such a passionate cry from someone. Especially someone like her.."

"Did that desperate plea from someone, effectively family, not cause even a little bit of doubt to creep in?"

"It might have." Freddy admits, standing up straight and looking down at my absent gaze. "But then you brought her back here today. Back to me, with a smile on her face."

".."

…

"You have done right by my trust at every turn. So naturally, I trust you. More than I ever have before."

...

..Such high praise.. From someone so respectable, too.. I feel like God's most recently appointed angel..

…

..And the most irreputable barrel of filth on the planet..

...

…

..I suppose I have managed to hold things together, like you asked, but..

..If only you knew how bad things really are..

...

"..Are you doubting yourself, Michael?" Freddy asks, blunt but gentle.

...

"That's a word for it.."

"I did not know you suffered from these kinds of thoughts."

"I've earned them.." I lightheartedly explain under my breath, rising to a stand as well. "But no, I don't suffer a mental disorder or anything; don't worry about that."

...

Freddy watches me in stoic silence for a moment, letting his thoughts swim. Only when I gaze back at him do his eyes seem to grow a bit less compromising.

"..I do not know why you doubt your worthiness of my trust, Michael.. But if I may be so bold, I've decided that it does not matter." Freddy explains, unwaveringly.

"..Mm.."

"We can play with words all day, but it is a person's actions that represent their worth, not their thoughts. I told you that I will trust you until you fail to make everything alright in the end. Regardless of what you believe yourself worthy of, I will continue to think this way, until you fail to deliver."

I quietly chuckle under my breath, gazing around at the boxes again.

"..I dunno.. I feel like thoughts are private enough for someone's character to be a little represented.."

"A cheater can think themselves devoted. A gossiper can think themselves trustworthy. A romantic with many past lovers can think themselves attracted to personality. A fool can think themselves unfathomably intelligent.. No, I do not believe what anyone thinks has anything to do with what is real. Words are easy. Actions are not."

"What do you know of the actions I've taken?"

"Not very much. But I do know that, whatever they may have been, they have resulted in my family back together with smiles on their faces. That is enough."

…

"..Man.. And I've spent all this time worried that you'd be furious with me.." I chuckle, scratching at the back of my head while I look down at the assortment of boxes by my feet.

"Well I certainly wouldn't be opposed to knowing what's going on, buuuut I won't coerce you just yet."

"Thanks.. Here, if we don't find anything to drink in the next few piles we'll call this a lost cause. Don't feel like spending the best years of my life combing some guy's basement for soda."

"There's water upstairs."

"I know; probably gonna settle with that here soon."

...

- tunk tunk tunk tunk -

"Mmmmmik-o."

The jolly green giant has finally figured out the stairs.

"Montgomery."

"Yer' finding sodies?"

"I'm trying, for what it's worth."

"Wrangle up two cans fer' me."

"Tw-"

"Please."

Good on you for remembering your manners..

"Two cans of what?"

"Sodies."

"What kind of sodies?"

"The ones in da' can."

"You know what I mean."

"Whatever looks like a cola. If there ain't any then just gimmie whatever ya' find."

"M'kay.. You need two of them?"

"Ye – one of them's for me."

"Who's the other one for?"

"Also me."

"I'm-.. I'm bringing you one can, you can grab another if you're still thirsty after that."

"Well that ain' nice."

"You do not need two consecutive cans of sugar."

"You sound like Freddy."

"I can get Freddy to say it too." I note, looking up from where I'm kneeling to talk to the bear beside me. "Tell him, Fred."

...

..Freddy, however, is too pre-occupied with staring at what I can only assume to be the gator's location in profound confusion.

...

"..Monty- what are you eating?" Freddy asks after a moment, pointing up at Monty as if he's accusing him.

"What'dya mean?"

"What is that in your mouth?"

...

- tunktunktunktunk- -

I poke my head up and crane my neck to look past Freddy towards where the gator should be.

"..Did he run back up the stairs?"

"Why must I treat you like a dog?.." Freddy grumbles, setting his boxes down and quickly rounding the staircase himself.

...

..Should've stopped looking five minutes ago.. Now I'm stuck in a loop of 'but if I stop now, all my searching will have been for nothing.'

I almost can't believe it's taken me this long - there really aren't all that many boxes back here..

...

"I betcha this wall tastes like cement."

..I stop what I'm doing and look down at the boxes with an empty-eyed stare while I run the statement through my head seven times over..

...

"..The cement wall?" I turn and ask the gator dramatically dragging his hands across the wall like it's some ancient artifact.

"This one right 'ere, ye."

"Don't lick the basement walls, you-.. I-, What the hell do you mean 'I betcha this wall tastes like cement'-?!"

"Arin has informed me that you have dramatically exceeded the healthy quantity of sugar for an afternoon, Montgomery." Freddy interrupts, walking back down the stairs and coming to a stop at the bottom. "..What does the wall taste like?"

"Monty has decided it's taking me too long to find drinks and has resorted to licking salt deposits off the walls like a goat."

"I ain' a goat." Monty rebukes, turning to look at the both of us. "Gators 're cooler than goats."

"That's not the part of my accusation I'd choose to rebuke if I was you."

"You're still searching for the sodas..?" Freddy asks, somehow deciding that my behavior is more questionable that Monty's.

"Yeah, well.." I grumble, pushing myself to a stand and putting my hands on my hips. "I think your intervention is the last push I needed to give up this cause."

"Is there a general store nearby that you might be able to supply at?"

"Mm.. Probably, but I don't feel like leaving and coming back."

"Ya got a car." Monty helpfully adds.

"I know - I meant leaving in my car."

"I can drive 'n gettem if yer' too stickly 'bout it."

"You are not driving anywhere, ever."

- "Michael..?" -

A new voice emanates from atop the stairs, and Arin pokes his head in after a few seconds.

"I'm here." I announce with a lazy wave.

"Ah.."

"Something wrong?"

"No - I was just.. wondering where you all were.." Arin explains, fully stepping into the basement and off a few steps to the side. "..What is everyone doing down here..?"

Mm..

I, crestfallen as can be, point in the direction of the scattered boxes around the corner of the basement; indicative of my search efforts.

"Freddy was just exploring and happened upon me down here, and Monty was attracted by the promise of soda."

"Mm.." Arin hums in acknowledgement, curiously sliding his hands in his pockets, which is a little more 'casual' of a behavior than I've grown to expect from him.

"Are you alright with us down here? It definitely isn't built to be a social area." I idiotically chuckle, acknowledging that a vast majority of this room is worn concrete surfaces.

"I don't mind. There isn't much of value to destroy down here - no more than what you can find in any other room.."

"Gotcha." I respond, briefly looking over at the shenanigans going on between the bear and the gator before letting my gaze wander over to the walls themselves. "..Y'know, I understand this isn't a place you relax often, but it wouldn't hurt to fix the walls 'n maybe get a carpet to cover the decaying concrete with.."

Arin hums again, looking around the room with me.

"This isn't my area, therefor I've primarily left this room entirely up to Cooper's discretion.."

"Well you're here often as well, aren't you?"

"Commonly, yes; but I didn't live here.. I've very rarely had much reason to come down into the basement in particular, though."

"Isn't this where you work on the Pizzaplex business things you were showing me earlier?"

"Ah- I am able to do that wherever the laptop is. It being down here was simply a preparation I made with our inevitable 'talk' in mind.."

"Mmm.." I hum, looking at what little furniture there is down here. "..Then what's up with the desk and two chairs?"

"Cooper did like to be down here on the computer every now and again. I couldn't tell you what exactly he spent all his time occupying himself down here with, but occasionally he would call me down to show me something he found online."

"Huh.. Do you have any intention on keeping this place now?"

"I do - Cooper owned this house for quite some time.."

"Then I guess it's up to you whether you want to turn this room into something more cozy.." I comment, walking up to the wall and feeling just how rough and uneven it is from either natural decay or shoddy craftsmanship.

"I suppose.. I intend to leave thoughts like those on the back-burner for the time being, however.."

"Sure."

...

..I'm not entirely sure what Monty and Freddy have found to amuse themselves with over there, but the two of them are by the desk, standing in the way of me seeing what they're doing. Arin's gravitated towards the side of the stairs and seems to be watching the two animatronics do their thing, half out of curiosity, and half out of wariness that they might break something.

I, the fool that I am, failed to consider that there may be consequences for leaving boxes strewn about, and have taken it upon myself to stack everything back where it was. Though I have made sporadic conversation with everyone down here now and again, it's kinda nice getting something done on my own and listening in on the shenanigans going on in the background. Part of me thinks Arin's still down here because he feels the same.

...

- "Mike?" –

You, friggin'-..

…

..I am the most popular chucklefuck to ever wander down a set of stairs..

"Over here, toiling away."

I poke my head up just in time to see Roxanne waltz down here with the rest of us, grimacing upon getting a good look at the room.

"..Eugh.."

"Welcome to the basement party." I comment dryly, setting the last of the boxes in place.

"This is where everyone decided they wanted to chill..?"

"It's got the endearing atmosphere of an abandoned nuclear plant. It's a style thing, you wouldn't get it."

Roxanne scratches her arm and releases a silent exhale at my attempt of getting a rise out of her, before turning to look at me and what I'm doing.

"Cool boxes."

"Thanks, I grew them myself."

"What the hell is everyone doing down here?"

"I told Michael there may have been an unused supply of sodas stored down here, but I wasn't confident." Arin inserts, walking up to the side of Roxanne to establish our little gossip circle.

"Was there?"

"..I, uhm.. no longer believe so.."

"Did you find whatever you were looking for, wolf?" I ask, subtly referring to finding her in Arin's medicine cabinet.

"What? No - but it's fine, it doesn't really matter. I'll be fine." Roxanne insists through a displeased groan, though I see her reflexively try itching her arms a bit as she folds them.

"..Mm.." I hum, having more to say but deciding against delving into any more detail with Arin around. "..Well hey - a little off topic, but I did wanna say that it was nice seeing you and Monty get along so well today."

Arin watches us with mildly piqued curiosity, while Roxanne just huffs and shakes her head a bit.

"Way to make it sound like a way bigger deal than it is."

"Mm. Sorry, I'm just glad everything clicked so well today."

…

"..Is there something going on between you and Monty..?" Arin half-whispers up to the wolf.

"No. Mike's just stupid."

"Their personalities just conflict a bit - nothing more than something like a brother-sister relationship. I was worried that everyone would be a little sensitive about everything today, and didn't want an issue to arise because of it." I explain, to which Arin just acknowledges with a stare and folds his hands behind his back to watch the rest of the conversation play out.

…

"Why are those two down here?" Roxanne impatiently asks, head turned in the other two animatronic's direction.

..I can't help but feel like Roxanne's just a touch pickier than usual..

It could very well be that she's just annoyed that she couldn't find whatever she was looking for in that medicine cabinet, but what do I know..

..Maybe I can coerce her into taking a nap later; see if turning her off and on again will fix it.

"Freddy was curious about the basement, Monty wanted to tell me something, and the both of them just never left afterwards. Except for when Freddy had to wrangle Monty."

"They're weird."

"You're weird."

"What are they doing now?" Roxanne wonders out loud, craning her neck to see what the pair is occupying themselves with on the desk.

"No idea."

"Are they breaking something?"

"Why do you care what they're doing so much?"

"Because Freddy and Monty working on something together with no banter is damn-near impossible, and seeing it happen right now is scary. Hold on.." Roxanne declares, stepping out of our gossip circle to go badger the other two animatronics.

...

"..Perhaps I will make a choice about the walls in here.." Arin mutters as I await answers from Roxanne. I turn to look at him, then at the wall closest to us.

"I think it'd do this place some good. It'd increase the house's value, too."

"I don't intend to sell this place very soon, but perhaps it would reflect well on me to improve on it in some areas.."

While Arin hypothesizes, I take a couple steps to rub my hand against the oddly-textured wall, leaning over some boxes in the process.

..I know what I'm doing is ridiculous, but these walls really are in need of some defined shapage.. It feels just as oddly interesting as it looks.

...

"What do you need me to do..?" Freddy suddenly materializes and asks from a few steps away. I keep my hand on the wall, but look back over my shoulder at the bear.

"..What?"

"You need to ask me something?"

"I do?"

...

"Roxanne told me you had a request..?"

Ah.

I lean back an inch to see Roxanne standing by the desk where Freddy was standing a minute ago.

"..I'm afraid you may have been duped for your spot at the desk."

...

Freddy stares at me blankly for a few seconds, before looking over his shoulder to confirm what I've just told him.

"Ah.."

"It's a cold world out there."

"How mischievous."

"Well now that I've got your attention, what color do you think would make good walls down here?" I ask, turning back to where I'm brushing.

"What is it between you and Monty about that darn wall..?"

I chuckle a little, beginning to lower my hand.

"They're fascinating inventions. Once there's-"

-Oh, hey..

...

I peer down at my fingers, which appear to have snagged a divot in the wall.

…

..The facts take way too long to click, but once they do, I take a half step back and look up from where my hand was. The divot extends perfectly upwards, before taking a right angle a foot or so above my head.

Jesus Christ– of course I didn't notice this door before.. Arin said they cut it out of the wall, sure, but he failed to mention that it's practically indistinguishable from the wall unless you're actively looking for it..

The aged wear of the wall, as well as the fact that it's practically the texture of a popcorn ceiling, make it far more difficult to notice such a comically thin line. It should be easy to notice a divot in the wall where a door should be, but it's made a touch more complicated when the wall is comprised almost wholly of divots..

...

I hear Freddy lean over a bit to see what caused me to stop mid-sentence.

"Holy cow, Arin.." I call out with a breathy chuckle, peering down to find a handle. "I would have never found this if I hadn't been working right next to it for a significant portion of an hour.."

Arin seems to zone back in, mindlessly pacing forward a single step as he gets his bearings.

"..Oh – yes, it's.. it doesn't stand out much.. Equal amounts of effort went into making it; it's entirely form-equals-function."

…

"ohh.." Freddy softly hums, having just identified what we're talking about for himself. He reaches over my shoulder to press a hand on it, as if touching a secret sacred artifact.

"Yeah – hard to point out, isn't it?"

"Door."

"It is a door, Fred - yes." I reply with a sarcastic chortle, messing with what I believe to be the handle a bit.

..But, before I tug on it, I hesitate..

..Mm..

…

"Is this somewhere you're fine with me going, Arin..?" I call out from behind me, reminding myself of the reason why Arin himself hasn't ventured inside recently.

By the time I look over my shoulder at him, he's already staring back at me with a half-empty gaze; as if he was expecting this question to come sooner or later.

…

"..I suppose it-.. it's my responsibility to look inside sooner or later.." He mutters as a reply, though half talking to himself.

Not the most confident answer I've gotten from him.. And I suppose I understand why..

…

..Y'know.. If there's some specific things in there, like the old spare Freddy's suits he took home, it might not be the greatest idea to show them to all three of the animatronics down here..

…

..I feel my gaze drift below the handle I'm holding, lost in thought..

The more I think about it, the more reasons to wait for a less social time to open the door manifest..

..Though.. I'll admit, I'm.. I'm curious..

Not just an innocent curiosity, either.. Who knows what could be in there.. If anyone sees the contents first, I think I'd prefer it be me..

Chances are, there's nothing worth stressing about in there. But, on the off chance that there is, who knows what could happen..

…

..But just before I'm able to come to a decision, Monty's voice pierces my thoughts.

"Secret tunnelll~?" Monty chimes from the far end of the room, causing Roxanne, who's standing right next to him, to look over her shoulder at what's going on.

"..Is that a door?" She asks, apparently out of disgust.

"..Oh- yeah. It's pretty easy to miss, isn't it." I reply, shaking my hand free of the small quantity of dust that had managed to accumulate on the handle.

"Did you carve out a little man-cave for yourself, big guy?" Roxanne coyly asks Freddy, who looks over his shoulder to meet the wolfs condescending gaze.

"I'm afraid what little claws I have are not horribly efficient when it comes to burrowing."

"They're good at bearin' people." Monty confidently claims.

"..They are good at what?"

"When ya' 'bear' them."

"That is not a verb- what actions does 'bear'ing someone include?" Freddy huffs, falling clean into Monty's innocent banter trap.

..'Bear' is absolutely a verb, even if it doesn't have the meaning Monty's using it like it does.. I'm not gonna be the one to remind them of that, though.

"Bearin' actions are the ones wit' claws." Monty continues, sapping the wolf of sanity bit by bit.

"Monty, I'm-… I'm going to 'wolf' you with my claws if you don't shut up for a second." Roxanne chides, reflexively taking a couple steps forward to separate from the green chatterbox.

"Wolfin' is already a verb, that ain't as fun."

..So is bear..

"What are you two on about..?" Freddy asks, exasperated.

Monty responds with something, but perhaps as a defense mechanism, my brain seems to have automatically tuned me out for a moment.

…

..Though, in this brief moment of clarity, I subconsciously note that everyone is dedicating just a little too much brainpower to comprehending the interaction going on..

Brainpower that isn't being directed towards me, or the door for that matter.

I should take advantage of that.. I don't need much, only a peek inside to judge whether I should let everyone come see the contents of the room along with me..

…

Without realizing it, I find myself softly chuckling at the ongoing banter. At the same time, I silently turn my head around and gently tug on the door until it cracks open, just enough for me to have room to peek.

Understandably a touch cautious of just about everything at this point, I take my first look inside.. It's taking a moment to truly identify anything, but the first thing I acknowledge is a gentle warm light illuminating the room from somewhere inside. I bet that's been a nice boost to the electricity bill.

The orange lamplight forces me to take an extra second to adjust my expectations for what anything in there will look like.. But, eventually, I start making notes here and there.. Slowly, thanks in no short part to the strong shading and dim light..

..Lets see..

…

"..-Monty's had wayyy to much fuggin' sugar tonight - how did that even happen? Was there dessert up there?" Roxanne chides, batting away the all-too energetic gator.

"Arin lemme find all the uneaten candy he bought fer' the Pizzaplex. Old candy never hurt nobody."

"Shit like peanut butter doesn't expire quickly?"

"Not if I don' think about it when I'm eatin'."

"You're going to get yourself killed - what did you eat?"

"Stuff dat' tasted like peanut butter."

"Monty."

"Yeaurp."

…

"..You're lucky candy is ninety-eight percent preservative, otherwise you'd be stuck on the couch or the toilet for the rest of the day."

"I got gator-guts. Strongest guts on the market. I would know, I just ate a shelf of old peanut butter."

"You and Chica were just talking about healthy habits – what happened to that?"

"Nahh we were talkin' bout exercise n' stuff. That kind of healthy habit."

"Do not exercise after eating exclusively peanut butter; go drink some damn water, at least."

"I drink water."

"I mean go drink water now that you've-"

.-._.

- *SLAM* -

._.-.

Explosively resounding off the bare concrete walls, the deafening door slam causes everyone to twitch violently. They snap their necks toward me; even Monty gets startled enough to drop his fun-having expression to stare.

…

If someone's talking to me, I can't hear them through the sound of my heart in my ears.

Eyes wide and blanker than paper, I stare down at the floor while my mind roars with erratic thoughts; none of them distinguishable from one another.

I must be pale as a ghost, if my body even allows that to happen anymore. My breaths are slow, silent, but heavy; my hand loses some color from how hard it presses against the door, but I don't notice. For a moment, my body is only a shell, and the real me exists exclusively in my hurricane of a mind.

Before any more than three or four seconds can pass, the initial shock wears off enough for my thoughts to take shape. As if savagely starved, my conscious wraps its claws around every fragment of coherent thought as they appear, and slots it into place to develop an immediate emergency-plan of what to do next.

...

"..Michael? Wh-?"

I whip over my shoulder to look at Arin, with a motion meaningful to interrupt Roxanne just by moving.

Arin is already staring back at me with a regular confusion, though I know for someone as unwaveringly professional as him, a 'mildly confused' look must be akin to bewilderment.

The moment our eyes connect, he can tell whatever I'm about to say is going to be catastrophic.

He's right.

.-._ " Dog. " _.-.

The soul leaves his eyes.

For a moment, in our gaze no one else exists in this world except Arin and I. Everyone else is nothing more than a conscious lost in the obscurity of the gravity of the situation while the universe closes in around us.

Minimal telepathic communication begins between our eyes, and yet the influx is almost too intense to keep up with.

However, the two of us already know damn well what the first step has to be.

...

..Two or three sheepish footsteps inform us of a warily approaching gator..

...

"..What're-?.. What jus' happen? Wh-?"

"Away."
"Leave."

Arin and I break our trance at the same time, turning and blustering a command to the rest of the company in the room. Understandably, it awards us even more anxious stares.

...

…

"Y-.. I will-.. T-There is something private we need to handle down here, it-.." Arin does his best to explain calmly, but the words struggle to materialize amidst the chaos.

"..It's not a big deal, but.. Yes- It 'is' incredibly private.." I continue insisting for him. Glad he thought of using the word 'private', that might be the only way we get this resolved without suspicion.

"I-.. Are you two alright? What in-?" Freddy asks.

"We'll be fine, Freddy – I promise, just.. It's nothing we didn't already know about - it just took me by surprise.."

...

"Why?"

The voice almost makes me grimace.. I've been trying to avoid Roxanne's stare, but I can feel it burn into me..

It's no surprise that she has a greater sense of scale for these kinds of things.. Any attempts at keeping her 'out of the loop' after all that's happened are naturally gonna result in her getting defensive about it..

"..I will-.." Arin begins, taking a greater breath before speaking with his usual elegance. "..I will let all of you know later, after Michael and I have already handled it; I, ah.. Please make yourself comfortable upstairs; I'll be up shortly.."

….

..Small and subtle conversation happens between Freddy and Arin, but for the most part, the others seem to be alright with this 'deal'..

I, however, have been returning Roxanne's uncomfortably powerful stare.. She doesn't appear to be as accepting of Arin's proposal of the others, and I suppose it's no mystery why that is..

…

..Her glare is almost cold.. She's still just about the entire room's length away, but I can tell what she's thinking..

Roxanne knows damn well that whatever Arin's 'explanation' is going to be won't reflect the whole truth. So, in her stare alone, I can see her demands clear as day.. Though 'demands' might not be the word for it.. There's no ultimatum, she wants the truth..

No more hiding, no more secrets. Roxanne wants the full story from me, and she's making it clear that she will accept nothing else.

...

"..We'll talk later, Roxanne.."

...

..It seems almost comical how little it took to win over a glare as uncompromising as that one, but.. Roxanne's not an idiot – the reasons for why I can't tell her now are obvious and very real. After a couple seconds, her snout lowers an inch, reluctantly agreeing to save this for when the others aren't here.

But, even as I turn around just in time to see Monty and Freddy hiking up the stairs, I can still feel her gaze burning holes into the back of my head.

...

Fuuuuckk...

I internally groan a frustrated sigh as I pull the door open, Arin following close behind.

…

..Y'know.. I've seen it with Freddy and Roxanne various of times before, but a Monty completely drained of any emotion but apprehension and worry still isn't a sight I'm numb to yet..

...

Ugh..

I knew today was going too well.. I was damn-well right to be dreading this day..

...

We step in.. There's a lot to talk about, but it'll all have to sit on the backburner. None of it matters as much as the rotting dog carcass lying in the middle of the room..

...

..Well, actually.. It isn't a pretty sight, of course, but.. It really hasn't actually rot that much..

It's been long enough that a majority of the blood it seemed to be pooled in has disappeared, and what remains are blackish stains of where it used to be.

It hasn't been through as much decay as something like this normally would. There isn't a single fly or maggot around the body, so while some natural decomposing occured, the thing's managed to retain most of its shape.. Unsetteling as that is, I suppose that'll make it a little easier to dispose of..

...

..I turn my head just enough to see Arin in my peripheral.

He takes his time looking around the room with a discontent expression, before sighing under his breath and looking at the canine of the hour..

Mirroring his actions, I take a moment to look away from him and the dog to inspect the room around us in a little extra detail.

...

To start, the dimensions are almost opposite that of the previous room. This one stretches on a bit longer horizontally; meaning the back of the room isn't far away, but it'd take a good few steps to reach either the left or right side.

Funnily enough, it's considerably more furnished than the room we were in before. A desk, very similar to one in the previous room, sits by the wall opposite of the door. There's a rather large rug in the middle of the room, which is a considerable improvement from the raw concrete we were standing on previously. A lamp with a bright, warm glow sits on the desk; still on. There, apparently, aren't many foundational lights in here, so the lamp does quite a favor illuminating the place.

If it weren't for everything else in this accursed room, I'd almost say it feels cozy.

Impossible to miss are some unpleasant, though inconsequential, sights. Sloppy piles of semi-organized animatronic suit parts; one for each of the original cast, excluding Freddy. Cooper took a spare of each suit home with him back when he had people crack open the back-room of the old Fazbear's Pizzeria; I suppose this is where they ended up after all.

The suits haven't been put together or assembled onto an endoskeleton by any means, so they lie in pieces for the most part. They're all off to the left side of the room by themselves; either given the extra space as if pieces of art or have simply been disregarded over there, out of the way.

..In addition..

Several metal bits and bobs lie around the place; all of which appear just a little too unconventional to be normal parts taken from some miscellaneous junk.

..Most notably, they bear striking resemblance to the sea of trinkets you can find down in my father's cellar.. A single small filing drawer seemingly ripped right out of a filing cabinet sits on the floor nearby the desk.

...

..Found Cooper's 'stuff'.. I suppose it's about time I discovered what all Cooper took from my father's basement..

...

nn, that comes later.. For now, deal with the time sensitive issue.

...

"I don't know what to think." Arin mutters, monotone.

...

"..."

"Cooper has always been unique, but he has never been 'this'.. At least, I didn't think so."

"..I don't think something like this is something he'd do normally either."

"And what am I supposed to think of that? ..If this is not just a characteristic of Cooper, what blinded him so much?"

"..Novelty, maybe.. That's the only guess I have, but I'm not blind to how dissatisfying it is.."

...

"It seems lackluster, yes.. Novelty hardly represents anything different than one's ability to get immersed in storytelling.."

"I'm starting to figure out that it has more power than you'd think at glance.." I half-mumble, taking a step towards the ruined dog. "Some people live to see good happen, and others are driven to see evil manifest.. but sometimes, even their wills can only pale in comparison to the passion of a man who wants nothing more than to see what happens next.."

...

"Such a disproportionate love for something so ridiculous.." Arin almost grumbles behind me, following me to the dog.

"Love means tunnel-vision, in a weird kinda way.. It follows the same logic of how, when someone is in love, they will lose interest and eyes for everybody else. It's just how the brain is wired." I continue, silently crouching by the body.

"…"

"..But I don't think 'people' are the only thing the brain can fall in love with.. Occasionally, a 'thing' can produce enough something to fill someone's desire for novelty.. And when it comes to interacting with it, the tunnel-vision blurs everything that doesn't immediately have to do with what they're obsessed with into one big gray area. They stop thinking about whether their actions are 'good' or 'bad'; it only matters whether or not it contributes to that fascination of theirs. "

...

"…"

…

"..Sorry, I.. Roxanne says I've started to ramble about nonsense every once in a while.."

…

"You have thought about this before." Arin confidently claims, though his voice is dry.

…

"..Yeah, well.. Thinking is all I've been good for recently, whether I like it or not.. Also I've thought about this kind of thing in the past before.. A lot.. So, I guess it gave me a head-start on how to start thinking about things this time around."

..I don't like admitting it, but I am being a little deceptive. I'm suggesting whatever happened to Cooper was just a natural extreme that wasn't influenced by some external factor, but that's not what I really think..

…

..I don't think that's what I really think..

...That sounds stupid – I mean, it's-..

…

..Ugh..

..I don't know what I think anymore..

…

...

I hear Arin walk up until he's right by my side, looking down at the canine with me.

...

"..I wonder what he was trying to do with it.."

"..I have no idea.." I half-mumble, tilting up a bit to speak to him. "What'd you guys call it?"

...

"I don't believe his name needs to be spoken now.."

…

"Why's that..?"

"What is dead should stay dead.." Arin melancholically replies, curiously calm for the situation we're in. "..If I give you a name, you'll create a character for him in your head. But there's no point to doing that anymore.. I will be in charge of seeing that his life is remembered, but for all else, let him cease to exist.."

"..."

...

For a moment, the silence is oddly comfortable. The only substantial noise are subtle rummages and muffled voices coming from upstairs.

...

..This setting should feel looming, but it doesn't.

It's weird how, in life, the threat of death is the most consistent source of dread in the whole world. The thought of you or a loved one being under the threat of death is an incredible driving force; people would throw everything they have away at even just the slightest chance at delaying someone's death a little longer. The threat of death begets fear, paranoia, anxiety, worry, dread, foreboding..

..And yet, when it finally wins over the life of your loved one.. There's some strange sense of peace.

Despite how much we dread it, when you look upon what death has caused, there is art. An eternal rest, an eternal tranquility.

An end.

...

..So maybe Arin's right about this poor little mutt.. At some point, you die, and at some point after that, you vanish from the world completely. Only when the last fragment of you fades away from someone's memory are you finally able to stop existing..

..I would not like being robbed of that.. So I will not rob it of that..

...

"Michael."

"Yep..?"

...

"I understand this isn't elegant, but.. We have black trash-bags. It would allow us to dispose of it without suspicion."

"They'll do just fine."

"..Would you be uncomfortable packaging it up..?"

"No, I can handle it."

I've certainly seen worse.

"..Alright, I-.. While you do so, I intend to go upstairs and attempt to explain things to everyone who was down here.. It won't be hard to convince them that what happened down here wasn't as significant as we may have made it seem."

"It'll be pretty significant to them."

"What I plan to tell them won't be."

Mm..

...

"Sounds like a plan.." I hum with sarcastic optimism, pushing off the floor to stand upright. "Where do I take it after I'm done?"

"All you need to do is pack it up; I will handle transporting it. I would be more comfortable that way."

"Understood.."

...

I hear Arin take a couple steps towards the exit behind me, but he doesn't make it more than a couple meters before he stops again.

...

"..All that has happened recently must be weighing on you as well, Michael.. I am not oblivious to that.."

"You're one to talk.."

"You've learned by now that I am a criminal, a murderer, and a wretch; and yet you simply acknowledge that and continue to assist me anyway. You saved a child's life, and you've been suffering condemning consequences for it."

"..."

"..Some day, perhaps when I have a better handle over myself, I will see that you are properly compensated for all the good you've done."

...

Arin walks out, and up the stairs.

...

..Rescue a child from a burning building, and you'll be praised like a hero..

..They'll be so entranced by the child in your hand that they won't even notice the torch in the other..

…

...

My eyes drift over to the desk..

I finished packing the dog up, so now all that's left is to wait for Arin to finish what he's doing upstairs.

...

..I know I should save this for when the current issue is resolved, but.. come on, think about what this place means.

This is Cooper's very own personal collection of things he found in William's cellar.

..Theoretically, that should include some rather important things.. Such as the blueprints for each of the glamrock animatronics..

I'd be lying if that isn't overwhelmingly temping..

...

I guess the first hurdle would be identifying the documents I'm looking for; there's a pretty overbearing selection of papers on the desk as it is, and that's not even considering whatever's in the filing drawer sitting nearby.

...

..I look at the restless black garbage bag sitting uncannily in the middle of the basement's sub-room for a little while, as if expecting something to happen..

...

Then, I nonchalantly waddle sideways and gently maneuver the lamp above the desk to point it towards whatever catches my eye.

…

..They sure are my father's papers.. No other sane person would format text the way he does..

I plant my hand on the corner of the solid wooden desk, peering around to see anything that sticks out as having some sort of visual element, like a blueprint.

...

..It isn't very fruitful.. All the pages up here appear to be strictly documents, as opposed to anything with instructions..

...

..Sigh.

I'm sure there is something interesting to be found among the text documents, but Arin could be down any minute, and I don't want to be mid-paragraph when I have to stop what I'm doing and help out.

I reach over and brush a few metal bits and bobs to the corners of the desk, hoping that something immediately interesting would be underneath one of them.

..Well.. It isn't what I was looking for, but I guess there is something that sticks out a bit.

...

Stretching my arm, I snag the edge of a stapled paper. When I tug it up, several others follow it.

As far as I can tell, these are the only papers that are tied together in any way, like staples.. But, what caught my eye was the writing in blue highlighter on the top corner of each paper in this tiny stack, obviously drawn on by someone other than my father; likely Cooper.

The blue writing isn't exactly extravagant, I'll admit. It's a medium-sized question mark, drawn on the top left corner of each page.. I suppose that's why Cooper stapled them together..

Guess that means Coopy wasn't able to make much sense of them.. Well have no fear, old man. Renowned scholar Michael Afton is here to demonstrate my outstanding ability to comprehend basic literature.

That being said, the only reason I expect to be able to read these is because they probably have something to do with Remnant; and God knows I've had more than enough exposure with that stuff.. The documents are formatted like generic notes, as opposed to something a little more professional.

...

I glance around the room one last time, before turning around and leaning on the desk with the papers in hand. I don't have time to read through them all, but maybe a little bit of skimming couldn't hurt.

...

..These aren't about Remnant..?

...

I lift a page, peering at the header of the next one as if to confirm something.

…

Then another..

...

..I am.. Completely unfamiliar with these terms..

They're semi-detailed notes about random whimsical phenomena, but Remnant, the one I'm familiar with, has very little presence in these.. As far as I'm aware, father had little interest in anything other than Remnant when he finally figured out how to produce it.. but I've never heard any of these names before..

...

I gently flick through the pages one by one, reading the headers in hopes of finding one that rings a bell.

'Soul Mass'..

'Humanity'..

'Alexandria's Genesis'..

'Vapor'..

'Smart Mesh'..

...

…

-._.- 'The Obsession Effect' -._.-

...

..The longer I graze, the more uncomfortable I become..

How much has Cooper had to work with all this time..? No wonder he started to go insane, it feels like I'm reading an ancient forbidden scroll..

...

I glance back down at the desk beside me, taking in the sheer amount of papers everywhere.

..Maybe I should take a closer look at all this sometime.. It isn't my ideal way to spend an afternoon, but if there's something in here that actually proves to be importan-

Hey..

...

Underneath where the stack of papers were before is, surprise, another page.. It doesn't have a blue question mark on it like the ones I'm holding, but the header is more than enough to catch my attention.

'Endoskeleton Vessel Dependency Roadmap.'

And there, on the top right corner, is an early concept drawing of what appears to be one of the Pizzaplex endoskeletons.

...

..Before I can even think about what I'm doing, I'm already sheepishly reaching out to un-shuffle the document out from the others around it. The cor-

"Michael." Arin calls out as he enters the room. Despite not doing anything wrong, I still reign my hand back as if to not get caught for some reason. "..It went well; thank you for being patient.."

"Ah.. I finished with my thing, too.." I reply, nodding towards the trash bag in the middle of the room.

...

"Well, I.. I always assumed this is where Cooper kept the things he found.." Arin half-mutters to himself after a moment, stepping in and acknowledging the room itself for the first time in what's obviously a while.

"Yeah; at least some of it.."

...

"..I feel foolish, letting this be revealed with company over.."

"I am a touch surprised how outstandingly little you seem to come in here.."

"I rarely came downstairs ever, and when I did it was usually because he called me down to show me something.. But he would always show it to me in the previous room, on that desk.."

"You said you're at this house commonly, didn't you?"

"Yes, but-.. Well - Cooper often did his best to stay upstairs with company around.."

"Mm.. I suppose that's fair, considering there's nothing down here that isn't work related.."

...

Finished with our light conversation, the both of us look at the bag between us.

...

"..It is time we get this dealt with.."

"The sooner we can get things back to normal, the better." I concur, reaching for the tied end.

As soon as I grab it, however, Arin grasps the bag right beneath where I did.

"I will handle it, Michael. I know where to dispose of it."

"Mm." I hum, retracting my grip. "..If you insist.. Anything else you need help doing or can you figure the rest out?"

"Simply making sure everyone else in the building does not wander too far from the dining room or living room area. I will take the other hall to the backdoor."

"Fair enough; it probably wouldn't be good if they saw you.."

"It is moreso just a precaution.." Arin exhales, hoisting the bag over his shoulder like it's any old bag of rubbish. "Even if someone does spot me, all they will see is a garbage bag."

I give him an acknowledging nod and step out of his way, before realizing I need to be the one to go upstairs first and taking a few steps forward.

...

"So what did you tell everyone who was down here with us earlier..?"

"Something akin to an excuse, perhaps.. But they all accepted the answer nonetheless."

"What should I say happened?"

"You should not need to say anything. Their suspicions have been subverted, and they are back to acting like normal.. Though, if one of them does bring it up for some reason, you can just tell them to talk to me about it."

"Your decision to weave around my question makes me nervous." I sarcastically note, chuckling under my breath.

"No, it-.. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it seem like I was hiding something; I just figured it would be less stressful for you if you didn't have to remember all my excuses.."

"Mm.." I hum, cocking a brow at the unexpectedly thoughtful answer. "..Well I appreciate it, then."

My feet hit the bottom of the stairs, and Arin stops behind me to give me a headstart so that I can make sure everyone is in the right general area.

...

"..Michael.."

Arin calls out to me as I near the top of the stairs, just as his face was about to drop out of my line of sight.

"Yep..?"

...

…

"Is there something the matter with Roxanne..?"

...

..Ha.. You're gonna have to be more specific..

"..What do you mean?"

...

Arin stares up at me for a second or two, before lightly shaking his head.

"..Sorry, I'm, ah.. I'm not as familiar with her mannerisms; it could be nothing.."

"Well what did you notice?"

…

"..Now that I'm expected to vocalize it, I'm struggling to put it into words.. Something about her seemed a bit different than what I've come to expect from her.."

...

"Mm.. I'll keep an eye on her; thanks for mentioning it." I conclude, deliberately ducking under his initial question.

...

..Ohhh Wolfie.. What have you been doing to make someone else to think there's something going on with you..?

Mm..

...

It doesn't take me long to spot the wolf in this tiny crowd; she's bent over fidgeting with something on the floor amidst a collection of things near the corner of the living room.

Everyone else is present, and seems rather content with the conversations they're having.. Notably, Chica's further educating Monty on proper weight loss.

...

According to the avian, while exercise is very healthy and you should absolutely do it, it isn't especially effective when it comes to weight loss. If you want to lose weight proper, it's a matter of eating a lot of foods that have very little calories.

Monty's taking it all to heart; you can tell just from the look on his face. Even though there's no weight for him to lose.. Chica may very well be developing anorexia in my poor little gator friend..

...

I waltz my way across the living room, poking Chica on the side of the head as I walk past her and ignoring her cries of being attacked.

By the time I make it over, Roxanne stands up straight with an annoyed huff and turns to glare at the rest of the room; holding her arms in her hands as if she's cold for some reason.

"You're looking chipper as ever." I comment, seeping with sarcasm.

"Mmmmmnnnn.." Roxanne grumpily whines, falling backwards onto the couch.

...

"You're starting to worry me, wolf."

"I told you I'll be fine.." She rebukes quickly, subtly scratching both of her arms as they're crossed. "..Sorry- nothing's wrong, I'm just annoyed.."

...

"What about?" I ask curiously, falling on the couch beside her and kicking one of my feet up.

"..I wish I knew more."

"You wish you 'knew more'..?"

"Not, like-, not just secrets and all that stuff, but stupid things too that are just bugging me for some reason.. Like - I can't find anything in this dang house, so I wish I 'knew' where stuff was."

"..You haven't found what you're looking for yet, and it's bugging you?" I summarize.

"That's part of it. Probly' fuggin' most of it right now.."

...

"I'm painfully aware of what your answer's gonna be, but I might as well ask:..-"

"No, I don't want help Mike."

"Aaalright.. As long as you're fine, do whatever you feel is necessary.."

I let my head fall back against the couch cushion, giving my neck a brain from having to hold up all these thoughts..

...

"..I appreciate the offer and everything though. Sorry.. I know you're trying to help, 'n whatever.." Roxanne half-mumbles, parroting my action and letting her head rest.

"No- I get it. I get what you're trying to do, it makes sense.. No need to apologize just because you're holding yourself up to your own standards."

...

"Are you still scratchy..?" I ask after a brief moment of peaceful silence.

"I'm fine."

"You can ask Arin if he has something that can help."

"I'm alright, Mike."

"M'kay.."

...

I tilt my head an inch and confirm for myself that she's let her head fall on the back of the couch as well.. However, subtle hints in her expression suggest that she isn't getting the same amount of relaxation out of it that I am.

..It almost looks like a very subtle wince, or flat physical displeasure..

...

"I can feel you staring at me." Roxanne drones.

"Mm."

"What's wrong with you?"

...

"..Look, just.."

"Mike."

"..Rox, you do not have to tell me if anything's wrong, but just in case something ever is.." I sigh, looking away and resting my eyes for a moment. "..Just say the word, and I'll take us home.."

"Ohhhmygod."

"I'm done talking about it now - I swear."

"I don't believe you."

You probably shouldn't.

...

"Oh- I'll run through what I found when we get home. It's already dealt with and wasn't really that big of a deal in the first place, but it wasn't a pleasant sight."

"Can we talk about something normal for a change?"

"There's not a lot of normal to go around these days."

...

"..How much longer until we go home..?"

"I'm don't really know.. Until we get tired of being here, I suppose."

"..."

...

"Not the most talkative mood, huh?" I playfully chide.

"Sorry.." Roxanne moans, reaching over to scratch her arm again. "I'm in a weird mood, and I can't carry conversations 'cause of it.."

"..."

...

As Roxy begins to recede her hand, I nab her arm and nonchalantly pull it in front of me.

"Ow..?"

"Need this for a second."

"Ow-stop touching it. Give me my arm."

"I'm making sure nothing's getting infected. If it's an infection making you itchy, then we need to handle it pretty quick."

"Mike- stop."

Despite Roxanne's polite request, I don't let her tug out of my grip just yet.

"Relax for a second.."

"Don't use that."

"..Don't use w-?"

"Other hand, Mike. Please. Jesus Christ.."

"Oh.."

...

Like magic, Roxanne's wriggling stops pretty quick when I start holding it with my left, not-metallic hand.

...

…

"..You're so damn difficult." Roxanne whines, de-stressing.

..Yeah- I'm the difficult one asking for unreasonable things in this scenario..

"Mm.."

...

She huffs beside me, looking away from her arm and letting me work on what I'm trying to do.

...

..Roxanne's 'thing' about my arm again.. I'd almost happily forgotten about that..

Nowadays, Roxanne only gets antsy about the metal hand when she's stressed - otherwise she usually doesn't care which arm I use for anything.. Mm..

…

I sure as hell hope you're as alright as you like to claim you are, 'cause the evidence is starting to stack against it..

...

..ugh..

..Surely she knows my metal arm doesn't have a mind of its own.. It's no more or less dangerous than my regular arm; it's not gonna leap at her..

When-.. I mean - I couldn't think straight when I-.. My eyes were..

...

"Mike- I can see you starting to fuggin' overthink again. Stop." Roxanne chides, keen as ever.

"What..? Oh - um.."

"Look- I don't mean to do that. Okay?" She abruptly gets defensive, seemingly about the metal arm thing. I guess we were both thinking about it.. "I don't control it - it just freaks me out before I realize what's going on."

"I know; it's fine."

...

"It doesn't feel fine.." Roxanne almost inaudibly grumbles, looking away from me.

...

"Well.. Your cuts look fine.." I mutter, brushing the fur on her arm apart in a few specific parts.

"..Are they getting better?"

"Sure, but it takes some time." I continue. "But that's normal. Even small cuts from things like branches and dishes last several days."

"Mmm.."

...

Finished with what I wanted to check, I simply release the arm. Roxanne, apparently unwilling to put in the effort to bring it back to her side, lets it fall onto my lap and leaves it at that.

"..It's kinda interesting how some of them scabbed over, while others are just lacerations.. I guess it'd depend on the orientation of the glass."

"Lacerations don't scab?"

"Mm- they do eventually, but.. I mean the ones closer to slits, I suppose.. Like, if you were to hold your arm up to eye-level, it's like you can see through part of your arm. Looks kinda like you're looking through a tiny canyon in your flesh."

"Gross." Roxanne comments, in the middle of doing exactly what I'm talking about.

"..Well- you've got fur, so I doubt you'd be able to do it.."

...

"Nnnope."

"Sorry." I semi-chuckle, looking around the room to make sure everyone else is busy with something before rolling up my left-hand sleeve. "Here - I think I can show you on my arm, though."

"The hell'd you get cuts on your arm?"

"From you, the day Cooper died. You got a couple cheeky slashes in with those claws while I was reeling from being blinded."

"Mm.." Roxanne hums, taking my arm and holding it up to eye-level.

...

"..It does look like someone just carved a canyon out of your skin.." She concurs after a few seconds.

"Peculiarly enticing, isn't it?"

"You're insane to have thought about this so much, but sure."

...

"Give me my arm."

"God- why can't we talk about normal things like everyone else?" Roxanne wonders out loud, lobbing my arm back at me.

"You've got a skewed compass on what is or isn't 'normal'.."

"I mean- they're talking about health and exercises." She continues, pointing at the bird and gator a good portion of the room away. "They're learning something, at least. While you're over here showing me how to look through gaps in your arm."

"Fine fine." I chortle, rolling my sleeve back down. "What do you want me to talk about? What's 'normal' to you?"

"That isn't something anybody should have to ask, ever."

"Well I am, so grace me with a response."

"Mmmm.." Roxanne sighs, scratching at something again. "..I still don't know a lot about you, you know.."

"..You might just know me better than anyone on the planet right now, Rox - who else knows what I am?"

"No, not like that. I mean, right now, your entire personality in my perspective is defined by how you respond to me. Like- I know your humor is dry and contextual, and I know that because of how you respond to me when I say something you can make a joke off of. But like - what the fuck do I know about what you enjoy when I'm not in the picture? What do you like?"

"This sounds an awful lot like girl-talk."

"Yeah - that's because I'm fuggin' girl, and I'm talking to you, if you can believe it This is what you're going to get from me, settle with it."

"Mm." I hum, letting my head fall back again.

...

"Riveting."

"I can't say there's a lot for me to tell you."

"Nor do you know how to have a casual conversation to save your fuckin' life."

"I need a reference."

"Ughh.." Roxanne groans, rolling her entire head and staring at the ceiling for a moment while she thinks. "..Like- for example, one 'normal' thing I do know about you is that you prefer 'natural' over 'artificial' with just about everything. Like natural beauty, natural landscapes, yadda yadda."

"Mm.. Ironic, huh?" I comment through an amused exhale. "Despite that, you and I are about as 'artificial' as something gets."

"Whatever - tell me something else."

"Something else I like?"

"Yes.. Under no circumstance should this have taken you so long to understand.."

"Hmm.."

...

"..I.. guess I've always been into medieval 'knight' aesthetics..? I don't know what it's really called.." I finally answer after a good amount of time.

"..What - like old seige type shit?"

"Not particularly their warfare.. I guess just the novelty of knights, and the style of architecture back then."

"Wow. Calling you 'purple knight' must've really gotten you off, then." Roxanne comments monotone, though obviously joking.

"I'd almost happily forgotten about that."

"Not gonna let you anymore.. You really don't seem like the type of obsessed-with-history nerd to be into this sort of thing."

"I'm not; I've never been great with history.." I explain through a breathy chuckle. "I just like knights as characters, I suppose.."

" 'Characters?' "

"I'm not great at putting it into words. This is what you get for trying to make me talk about something normal."

- poff -

Roxanne's natural reaction to my quip was, apparently, to drag her tail out from the depths of hell and - poff- my face with it.

Despite my efforts to bat the tail away like it's a wasp, Roxanne only shimmies it back into the space a few inches in front of my face.

...

..Eventually, I stop to see what the hell wolfie's even trying to do. The tail, however, does not do anything interesting as it hovers in front of me. Only lazily falling to my lap after a few seconds of inaction.

Evidently this was all an elaborate way of getting me to caress the demon's tail.

...

Very well then..

"You've got a unique way of communicating.." I mutter, sliding a hand underneath the tail and lifting it an inch.

"Can I use your phone?"

"What?"

"Can I u-"

"Why - what do you need?"

"Nothing; just wanna use it." Roxanne nonchalantly explains, as if this is a normal thing to ask.

"Use it for what?"

"Not, like-.. I just mean like use it for fun for a little while everyone else is talking."

"..You just want to mess with it?"

"Mike- You can say 'No' if you don't want me to; it's fine."

"I mean, sure; I was just.." I stutter, reflexively sliding my phone from my pocket. "..A little surprised, I guess.. Are you bored?"

"A little." Roxanne replies, gingerly taking the phone for herself.

"Sorry; don't mean to bore you. I'm sure the others wouldn't mind it if y-"

"No, no, that's not what I m-.. Ugh- You're not boring me, that's not what I meant to say.."

...

"I'm a little lost.." I chortle under my breath.

...

"..N.. No, I'm not bored.. I was just saying that 'cause it was easy. Sorry.."

"Don't be sorry - I don't care. Just trying to stay up-to-date on what we're talking about."

"I just wanted it as a distraction, 'cause I'm feeling weird.."

"Mm."

"Sorry for lying."

"Rox- I do not care. Really."

"Well- fuggin'.." Roxanne huffs, as if a little frustrated. "..I mean- I get on your ass all the time for it, so it doesn't exactly reflect well that I start lying about petty shit too."

"You are having this whole argument by yourself."

...

"Whatever.." She grumbles, sinking into the back cushion and raising the phone to mess with it.

"..."

...

I let Roxy have her moment, sitting and curiously watching what she's doing while I fidget with the tail in my lap.

...

"Ow.."

...

"..Ow?" I parrot.

...

"..nothing, sorry; just.." Roxanne starts mumbling, breaking her trance and registering my mimicry. She lowers the phone a bit and peers down at the tail in my lap, pointing at some general portion of the appendage. "There's just a cut, like, somewhere there.. It doesn't hurt, just, y'know."

"I'll put less pressure on it."

"M'kay.

...

..Roxanne's never asked me to be wary of a cut on her tail before.. Has she been sucking it up or have I somehow managed to never hurt it until now?

..Well whatever..

...

She's like a toddler utterly immersed in an Ipad..

...

"..Keep talking.."

"..?"

"You didn't, mm-.." Roxy begins, taking a moment to find words. "..We were talking about how you liked knights, but you didn't tell me why."

...

"..Are you okay, Roxanne?"

"Yes, I just want the background noise.."

"There's, like, three other people actively talking in this room."

"I want to hear your background noise, alright-? Look I know I'm using your phone but I still wanna talk. About normal stuff. It was nice."

...

..So strange.. I can't even begin to guess what her thought process on all of this is..

...

"..I don't really have a lot to say.. I've just been a fan of unique novelty aspect of that kind of stuff."

"You said that earlier-, what part of the 'novelty' are you talking about?"

"Mmm.. I've never had to stop and think about what it is I like about it before.." I hum, staring at the ceiling for a few peaceful moments. "..Mm, maybe it's just a trope I always associated with being respectable in stories.."

"Literally all I know them as is 'guys in armor with swords'; are they supposed to be respectable?"

"Honorable is a better word for it." I concur, sinking into the couch a bit further. "..Something about the stoicism of a lone and noble knight who's shiny armor has been dirtied and worn from the many challenges he's faced while travelling strikes me in all the right spots. Their drive rendering them immune to temptation, and their steps lined with weary but solemn acknowledgement of the limitless opposition they have yet to work through to uphold their duty; you get it.. It's just interesting. Makes me wanna see what their story is."

" 'Travelling' while encased in forty pounds of metal sounds like fun, uh-huh." Roxanne remarks, tilting the phone in my direction to briefly show me something before returning to normal. "..Mm, mmwell, I guess having a strong drive to work through it is probably just another bit you're fond of."

"That's a good way of putting it, sure. They have a firm belief and roaring passion, but it's all kept behind a silent, stoic figure."

"Into the 'strong silent type', huh?" She lightly mocks.

"I can't imagine there are many males who aren't interested in that kind of thing; don't let me fool you into thinking I've got unique interests."

"Fine by me - I just needed to know you have interests."

"Mm."

"Y'like castles too?" She asks me like a 5-year-old.

"Man - I'd give anything to explore a castle." I chuckle, ruffling the tail in my lap. "All our modern-day structures are just rectangles.. Maybe an asymmetrical rectangle if you're lucky."

"I was trying to make fun of you."

"I know."

Thankfully, Roxanne begins to snicker; finally awarding me some kind of clear indicator that she's capable of enjoying nice things.

..However, I speak too soon.. As right near the end, she suddenly interrupts her brief laughter with an - 'ow..' -, which brings an abrupt end to the snickering altogether.

...

"..I wasn't even touching you that time." I state plainly, looking down at the tail in my lap.

"Good lord, Mike."

"I don't think I was, anyway.."

"Mike I'm fine." Roxanne groans, rolling her eyes before glaring at me. "I don't know what else to tell you."

"Alright, alright.."

...

Roxanne only continues to stare at me for a few seconds, before sighing and pushing herself up to a stand; reflexively scratching at her arm again while she does so.

"I'll be back in a little. You, in the meantime, really need to socialize, like I said."

"I've socialized. I've talked with everyone a good amount today." I note, preparing to stand up as well. "Where are you going?"

"Bathroom; then looking one last time to see if I can find something. If not, oh well."

"M'kay.. I should probably check in with Arin real quick anyway."

…

..By the time I stand up, Roxanne's already halfway through the room. Leaving me standing here like an idiot.

...

..Whelp..

…

I'm fairly confident I heard the back door slide open at some point during my conversation with Roxanne. Seems like the best lead I have at the moment.

My hands find their way into my pockets, and I give the living room one last look-around before I go on my way. Funnily enough, most of the gang in here has moved. Chica, Monty, and Freddy have all gotten comfy on the far end of the couch; tugging around a comically large blanket that can fit no less than seven people..

It isn't until the lights abruptly dim with the flick of a switch do I turn to find Trudge by the TV, which just so happens to be near the primary living-room light switch. The television has been turned on, and from the looks of it, the lot have been circling through channels for a minute or two.

...

As Trudge lobs himself onto the couch along with the rest, I begin to take my leave; remembering the responsibilities I need to take care of before I let myself indulge with their shenanigans.

...

..The distant sound of the television fades as I slide the backdoor shut behind me.

Letting go of the handle, turn halfway to watch Arin stand for a bit. There's a curvy sidewalk path that cuts across part of his back-yard, which eventually leads to a mini-shed and what appears to be a personal dumpster. Arin's found in the middle of the path; seemingly having gotten lost in thought and started staring into part of the sky.

...

I take a glance in the direction he's looking at, staring off into the late-sunset dimmed sky for a few moments. There's nothing out there that's immediately out of place, but I guess there doesn't need to be.

...

My feet carry me forward, my gaze returning to the manager soon after.

...

- tnk, tnk tn- -

..The sound of my footsteps descending all three wooden stairs on this porch generates enough of an easily distinguishable sound for Arin to blink a few times, signaling the end of his trance.

He looks down at me; I'm no more than a couple meters away by the time our eyes meet.

"Ah.."

"Hey. Just making sure you didn't get lost."

"No, I-.. Just got stuck in my head for a moment; everything is taken care of."

I hum in acknowledgement as I stop at a comfortable talking distance.

"By 'taken care of' do you mean 'I threw the dog in the dumpster?' " I lightly joke, pointing at the object I'm referring to a little ways behind him.

"Yes, well.." He lowers to a mutter, averting eye-contact for a moment. "..I don't mean to downplay its sentimental importance, but as far as everyone else is concerned, it really is just a dog.."

"I see."

"Thank you for keeping our guests oblivious; this may have been a struggle otherwise.."

I lazily nod, then turn my head just enough to look slightly above the fence; enjoying the tranquility of the tiny remaining hint of orange fading into the night..

...

"..You were 'stuck in your head' a moment ago, huh..?" I parrot from earlier, acknowledging Arin with a side-eye. "That happen often?"

"..Conditionally, I suppose.. But no - not often enough to warrant any kind of concern.. It may only happen once or twice during particularly stressful times." He replies easily, staring off in the same direction I am. "I'd imagine it's a natural thing; something that can happen to anyone if they prove perturbed enough."

"Maybe it is. I think I get the feeling; or maybe my own unique version of it." I respond roughly through my shoddy, unrefined methods of expressing empathy. "..Sometimes it's a little worrying with how unseemly it sneaks up on you. Makes it hard to set yourself in a position where you're more likely to get snapped out of it.."

"..Perhaps.. I can understand why that may be inconvenient."

"Through some manner of luck, I've always managed to be jolted out of it one way or the other. At least before I sink in so deep that I can't re-surface.."

...

..Despite only saying things to make light conversation, I can tell Arin's pondering my words carefully while we stare out into the dying amber together.

...

"I'm not sure.. I suppose I've always seen it the other way around.." Arin murmurs, as if telling this to himself as well as me.

"..In what way?"

"It can be hurtful, but I think it may be better to stop letting the thoughts get interrupted, and let them run their course."

...

"Well.. I've never considered it before, I guess.." I sheepishly acknowledge, scratching the back of my head while I think for a second.

Like zoning out the way I normally do, but not having a Roxanne to snap me out of it..? Just letting it run?

"Letting your mind figure out how to react to each feeling helps you accept them quicker; though of course, the cost of such thing is a rather undesirable few minutes.. I can't deny that taking all the things you're trying not to think about and thinking about them all at once can be agonizing from time to time.. But, I've come to think that the peace that comes afterward is well worth the struggle."

"Like ripping a band-aid off, huh.."

"..Perhaps closer to ripping a parasite or leech off your skin. Removing it will be excruciating, but the sustained subtle pain and seeping blood may just be worth getting rid of all at once."

...

..I dunno.. I'm inclined to believe that getting lost in my head like I do is more akin to 'overthinking', where I start making things out as far more important than they are.. Not to mention just how much of it starts shifting into 'appeal to emotion', which might not be great for handling issues..

...

"..It's cold tonight." Arin comments.

"Yeah, I think the wind's slowly been picking up all day.. The cold season is a good chunk of the way over, but the nights around here can still get pretty bitey."

...

"..It's strangely appealing.."

"It is." I concur without having to think about it much.

...

..I'm still a little less susceptible to temperatures than a normal, y'know, 'alive' person would be; but I've recovered plenty, and can feel the cool wind just fine.

I like it. Far more than I've ever liked the heat, at least.. It's melancholic, moony, and revitalizing.

...

Feeling it wash over me is like a strangely compelling reminder that I'm still alive.

Despite everything, I'm still here.

..So, despite everything, I'm not quite done yet either.

...

"A couple stars are pokin' out already.. Sucks that the sky doesn't get quite as bright here in town, with the light pollution and whatnot.." I comment, putting my hands on my waist.

"You live that far out from town..?"

"A good ways - fifteen-twenty minutes of driving from my house to the very edge of town."

...

"..Sometimes looking out into the sky makes me long for how simple life should really be.." Arin half-mutters.

"..That's an interesting thing to say." I reply as casually as I can manage. "..What do you mean simple?"

"Every non-living thing works through a natural set of laws. Regardless of the stimuli, they always act the way they should, and nothing more. They do not have to 'think' about the correct way to respond like we do.. Even animals, despite feeling pain and emotions like we do, decide their next action on few factors; they do not toil over inconsequentially relative and widespread effects."

"Mm... Well.. I suppose they may not have to struggle with as many thoughts as us, but a lot of them are no less susceptible to the feelings we know. They aren't spared from our little pool of despair."

"But through their limited capacity for complex thought, there are less possible means for them to feel this way."

"..I guess that makes sense."

...

"I suppose that sounds a little egotistical.." Arin comments after a while, folding his hands behind his back and continuing to stare up. "..Forgive me - I know what I mean, but I'm not particularly skilled at getting these feelings across.."

"I'm following along, don't worry. Despite being 'good things', there's a consequence to having cognitive thought, as well as having a language or medium in which to communicate your thoughts."

"There is benefit to not being able to understand things, as it means there is no obligation for you to do so. Perhaps you could call it ignorant bliss, but sometimes I wonder if the consequence to ignorance really outweighs the bliss.."

"..If you were given the choice whether or not to understand something you know would be painful to comprehend, do you think you'd refuse?"

"..No. Probably not.." Arin sighs, his posture visibly deflating an inch.

"I didn't think so." I comment through an amused huff. "..It's a little too complex to describe with a few words, but despite how it feels, there is value in understanding things that don't feel good to understand. Somewhere in our brains, we decide it's worth it to toss comfort and tranquility aside for it."

"One may be proud and happy of what they represent, but knowingly refusing to understand something means acknowledging that there's a chance that the thing you represent isn't actually something you agree with, and that the information being offered to you may be what changes your mind.. Unfortunately, deciding not to learn something does not always mean an eternal separation between you and the information. It can nag at you from the inside, and poison your mind with doubts.."

"..So in the end, refusing to understand something for the sake of preventing unpleasant thoughts and feelings can very easily directly cause unpleasant thoughts and feelings.. I guess that's kinda ironic; no winning option."

...

"..Humans, alone, may be the only beings in the infinite universe who can struggle with such a thing.. It is something that goes beyond curiosity; an ache that pushes you to challenge all of your beliefs, even if you don't want to. And when you challenge your own beliefs, you think back and challenge an innumerable amount of thoughts and memories; re-evaluating every perspective of every action you've taken during important moments. That level of recollection, re-imagination, and verbiage is unparalleled by any other creature.." Arin concludes, bringing his head down a bit as if to manually break his trance from looking into the sky.

'Mm.."

"..I suppose that is what I mean by 'longing for how simple life should really be'.. Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to watch it all fade away one day; as our convoluted selves, awash in our ocean of thoughts, feel the responsibility lift from our shoulders as we join the rest of the universe as objects. Simply 'things', that knows how to react to every stimuli it receives. No more asking what you're supposed to do, no more confusion, no more doubting what happens in any regard.. Can you imagine how it would feel to exist without struggle?"

...

"..I guess, from a simple perspective, I can imagine a world without doubts, conflict, or pain.."

"It's pleasant to think about, isn't it."

"A little."

"..So, would you say that you wish for a world without struggle?"

...

"No.. Not really.." I answer through an exhale.

"I didn't think so." Arin knowingly replies, a little amused having done this little bit. ".. and neither do I."

…

..No one likes the pain before the pleasure.. No one likes the struggle before the reward.. But, when I imagine a world where there is no pain or struggle..

..What a truly weak and meaningless existence that would be..

…

"Well." I exaggerate, shaking the excess thoughts from my head. "Wasn't expecting this kind of conversation when I stepped outside to ask about a dead dog."

"Neither did I.."

"Well hey, I can't say it wasn't a little refreshing."

Arin turns his head just enough to look at me as I step to the side, offering him to take the lead back to the house.

"..More refreshing than any other regular conversation..?"

"Sure, I guess. I've never really gotten the chance to hear your personal thoughts about things until recently. I wish the circumstances of this opportunity were different and all, but.. I enjoy an existential talk every now and again."

"You have friends who would be more than willing to talk about this sort of thing with you." He continues, stepping to turn his whole body towards me.

"Sure, but it'd probably be out of kindness.. And yeah, I'm close enough with Roxanne to not have to worry about doing anything obligatory 'out of kindness' for her, but to be honest, she just hasn't been alive long enough to question these kinds of things yet. She'd be interested in what I have to say, but it'd a one-sided conversation."

"That wouldn't give you the same feeling you're looking for?"

"It's nice to have someone talk back every now and again." I admit, gesturing towards the house to offer him the lead again. "It helps me challenge existing thoughts, instead of always creating new ones."

"Ah.. I suppose- well.. I did not mean to argue with you.." He casually replies, taking up on the offer and starting down the path towards the house.

"You didn't, you just made me think. Kinda like you did in the basement when you were talking about criminals.. Plus, even if you were, there's nothing wrong with arguing from time to time."

"A strange thing to say."

"Yeah, well.." I exhale, watching him pass me. "Think I've come to realize that the only way to change someone's stance on something is to challenge it, or to let something bad come what they currently believe.. I certainly know what it feels like to learn that second way, and it most definitely hurts more than the bitterness of accepting that someone else is right.."

...

..Arin, despite everything that's happened, and despite his personality, responds to my words with a slight chuckle.

"I never knew you were capable of talking so much."

..I curiously watch him walk a few steps towards the backdoor.

...

"..Mm, yeah.. Roxanne says I'm hard to shut up when I get started about something."

"I don't mind.. Or rather - I 'can't say it wasn't a little refreshing', either."

...

..Marking this day down in history as the day Arin, of all people, was coy with me..

...

"Oh hey, before I forget again." I begin, starting after him. "A couple things I saw on the desk down there caught my eye; things that Cooper didn't seem to be able to make sense of. You get first dibs, of course, but I might ask if I can take a couple things back home with me so I can properly read through them."

"I wouldn't mind. If Cooper wasn't able to understand something, there's little reason for me to think I would.." Arin answers politely, stopping for a moment and allowing me to catch up. "..Though I, ah.. Assuming it's no different to you, I might glance over everything down there before you go, but that shouldn't take much time."

"It's your stuff, take all the time you need."

"Thank you. Don't worry - it's simply to make sure there's nothing of sentimental value I'd prefer keeping."

"Makes sense to me. Cooper seemed awfully fond of that room, to say the least; it's not too unlikely that he keeps something he likes down there."

...

"..I occasionally wonder how difficult it'll be to own and manage the Pizzaplex.." Arin mutters as I make my way by him.

"I've thought about that a couple times too. If it's too much, I'm sure there's something we can pull off."

"I suppose it'd be better to see for myself what the workload is like before I make any decisions."

"What are your current thoughts?"

...

"..I have a few bold ones, I suppose; but I've never taken the time to format the thoughts into words."

"Bold ideas are ideas; as long as we've got a couple of those, I'll live.. Hah.." I release a heavy lighthearted exhale, though I really am still pretty exhausted underneath the exaggerated display. "..But, yeah.. I do think I'm starting to get a little too comfortable with everyone using drastic measures for everything.."

"Chica.." I sigh, keeping a hand on one of the crockpot's handles to emphasize that I intend to move it the moment the bird gets out of the way.

"There's still lots of food in it! I can eat s'more when I get hungry - Arin said so!"

"That's fine, but you waited until Arin and I started putting things away to decide that you want more."

"I forgotaboutit..!"

"You can bag some up and take it home. I'm just making sure nothing gets left out to mold or something while you and everyone else is half-unconscious in the living room.."

"Okay but I promissee I just want a little more now..! Then you can put it away..!"

"Where are you going to eat it?"

"What?"

"Where do you think you're going to eat it? In the living room?" I ask, chiding like a parent.

"Gimmie!" Chica whines, trying to reach for the lid.

"Because you're not eating it in the living room, where all of Arin's nice clean furniture is."

"I'm not little..!"

"Adults can still make a mess without it being on purpose.."

"Arin'll say I can eat in the living room..!"

"He probably will, but because he's only being polite and catering to his guests.. Arin'll think he'll just clean up after you if you make a mess, but he shouldn't have to spend his time deep-cleaning his furniture after you spill pasta and meatballs all over his sofa."

"But he'll say yes!"

"I- Chica, yes, he'll say you can, but you shouldn't want to take advantage of that kindness."

"I'm *not* taking advantage of him..!" Chica emotionally rebukes, taking a small step back and looking up at me with something of an actually unhappy expression. "Don't say that..!"

"I.. I'm not trying to be mean, I promise; I'm just asking you to respect this place.. Arin put a lot of work into making the house look nice, and even more work making the food.."

"I do respect him, Mike..! I'm just confident that I won't make a mess..! I'll clean it if I spill..!"

"Arin isn't going to let you do that; he'll tell you not to worry about it so that he can clean it.. And I know you don't think you'll make a mess, I wouldn't think I'd make a mess either, but I'd still quickly scarf everything down in the dining room just in case. Who knows - it might not even be your fault that it spills, and that's fine, but regardless of who the blame belongs too, I don't want the result to be Arin's big cozy couch being rendered unusable for the rest of the night 'cause of a giant barbecue stain."

"I'll be extra careful to make sure no accidents happen at all..! Okay?"

"Chica, please.. Arin took all this time to make sure the place looks nice for us, let's show we're grateful by keeping this place nice for him. I kinda brought you here uninvited, so if you make a mess, I'll feel guilty too.."

"I-, 'Mikey'..!" Chica half-whisper-yells, clearly particularly upset with something I said, and demonstrating that by gradually continuing to lose the banter-like expression in place of real frustration on her face. "We weren't 'uninvited' - Arin likes us here..!"

"I know, I know - that's not what I meant, sorry.. You were unexpected, I guess.. I don't know- it just isn't proper manners for someone invited somewhere to invite other people unannounced, which is kinda what I did; so I'm just making sure no problems arise because of it, because it wouldn't be fair to Arin if there was an issue.."

"I can take my own responsibility for doing something wrong! I'm not gonna say it's your fault if I make a mess..! Why do you think I'd say that?!"

"Okay, alright, relax.."

"Mike- I'm just hungry..! I'm not mean..!"

"I know; just.. Either wait and take some home, or eat it now but stay in the kitchen or dining room. It's just a precaution.."

"I'm not gonna 'take advantage' of Arin's kindness, Mike..! I like him! I wouldn't do that..!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see an anomalous Trudge-shaped object waltz into the kitchen with us; peering over his phone to see what the two of us are on about.

"Chica- I wasn't calling you out to have bad character at all, I'm just trying to keep everything clean so Arin can rest after everyone goes home. He's tired.."

"Okay but I'm just hungry and wanna snack with my friends in the living room..! I told you - I promised not to make a mess, and even if I do, I promised I'll clean it so Arin doesn't have too..!"

"I understand, but given the circumstances, I'd rather we prevent a problem from happening rather than swear to fix it once it does.."

"But you kept s-!"

"Nooonononononnnnyope." Trudge's abruptly interjects, causing both of our gazes to blank for a moment.

In less than a second, Chica moves to look over her shoulder, but she's interrupted by a pair of arms suddenly wrapping around her waist from behind and tugging upward; lifting her a good few inches into the air.

"W-Wh-?!" Chica stutters, still unaccustomed from the fighting atmosphere she was in a moment prior.

"You have had two and a half fuuuulllllll plates of food not even three hours ago; you are done eating till we go home, Chonka."

"W-..! Wait, Mike's-..! I-I-..!"

..Like a statue, I only stare ahead as Trudge turns around and literally carries Chica through the kitchen, dining room, and into the living room where I lose sight of them..

...

Sighh..

...

I expel a deep breath I've been holding, taking a second to properly gather myself and turn back to my efforts of stowing away the food in the crockpot.

..Guess I'd better go face that soon.. It's been a long time since I've seen Chica get so.. offended..

...

Mm.. Suppose I used poor wording.. Guess she took a few things I said the wrong way, and interpreted them as if I was saying that her decision to argue for eating in the living room was rooted by bad personality traits in her as a person, when that's not what I meant at all.. I guess claiming she was 'taking advantage of Arin's kindness' does sound like I was harshly criticizing her for being inconsiderate towards Arin, when all I actually meant was 'he was extra nice to us, so lets be extra nice to him.'

...

- k-tunk -

There.. Set aside, and a problem for later.

I stand up from where I'm crouched, brushing my hands off and peering behind me into the dining room.

...

..A disagreement that doesn't reach an agreed-upon conclusion from both sides is always the recipe for bitter feelings and grudges.. I mean - of course Chica isn't gonna start disliking me over something as incredibly stupid as this, we're both probably gonna forgot about it in less than a couple hours, but.. Chica is the most emotionally receptive one of the group, and consequently, one of the most emotionally charged.. Might as well swoop in and nab her back before the others start asking her why she seems distracted or fussy.

...

Moments before I take my first step, I glance down the other hallway connected to the kitchen; the same decently sized corridor that Roxanne and I were talking in a while ago, that connected to the living room.

Now that I'm left in relative quiet, I notice the barely audible clipping-hum of Arin's bathroom fan; which draws my attention to the sliver of warm light creeping into view from where I'm standing. If I had to guess, I have a sneaking suspicion the light and the fan are originating from the same little bathroom.

...

..Mmm.. Now that I mention it, I don't think I recall seeing Roxanne back in the living room since Arin and I went outside.. It's been a while.. Is she still looking for something over there?

...

Well..

I wipe my hands on the drying-towel nearby, setting my sights on a new objective.

Guess this is, technically, 'on the way' to the living room, so calling it a detour wouldn't be too inaccurate..

..Plus, who knows. Maybe it'd be a good idea to give Chica some time to calm down.

...

..?

Even after taking a couple steps into the restroom myself, there's no obvious sign of the wolf.

The medicine cabinet has been closed, and I'm going to assume Roxy had the decency to put everything relatively close to where it was before. I wonder if this means she found whatever she was looking for.

...

..I let out a long but stifled exhale, looking up at the bathroom fan on the ceiling making that buzzing noise.

...

..It is a little strange that the lights and fan are still on.. Though I guess they're both connected to the same switch, so if the lights are on, the fan comes on as well.

Regardless, if Roxanne went the extra mile to put everything in the medicine cabinet back where it was, it's strange that she would then fail to turn the lights off after she left.. The attempt at subtlety made with the medicine kinda falls apart with a mistake that broad.

...

..Mm..

Flicking the lightswitch down, I take a couple steps backwards out of the bathroom and put my hands on my hips while I think.

...

..Well.. I'm pretty damn sure I haven't seen her with everyone else, so..

Mmn, I hope she didn't go to the basement.. I told her I'd talk about what was down there later, but.. y'know.. she's Roxanne..

...

..With a subtle grimace, I turn my head in the direction of the basement; solidifying it as my next reluctant objective.

However, with the bathroom fan no longer making any noise, the faint sound of a ceiling fan catches my attention.

...

Near the corner of the hallway, a bedroom door is open; one I'm reasonably sure wasn't open before.

I can see periodic light distortions on the ceiling, reinforcing the idea of a ceiling fan being in there.

...

I don't head there straight away.. Despite the curiosity of a new room Roxanne might be in, the lights are off inside.. The only visibility is what light seeps in from the window, and it's currently the blue hour outside, so it's not exactly conventional to be lingering around in there. It's enough to see, but any reasonable person would've just turned the lights on if they needed to do something in there.. Plus, I don't hear anything besides the ceiling fan that might indicate she's in there, such as miscellaneous Roxanne noises, which is a little dissuading.

…

..Nonetheless, I reflexively keep my steps light across the carpeted floor; as if trying not to break any atmosphere as I approach the doorway.

...

..And sure enough, an unmistakable silhouette awaits me inside..

The bedroom isn't what I'd call spacious, but it's got enough room to walk a good few steps in any direction in. A large well-made bed sits to my immediate left as I walk in, and the shadow of Roxanne is sitting upright on the side of it. My vision hasn't adjusted completely, but the blue light creeping in through the windows illuminates the left half of Roxanne's body, along with a decent portion of the bed's covor-patterns.

Roxy's sitting on the side of the bed facing the doorway, and therefor facing my general direction as I'm walking in. Naturally, I can see Roxanne's head shift towards me a little bit as I enter.

..But then, nothing.

...

We acknowledge each other's existence through gazes alone, but no words are spoken. The subtle creaking of the ceiling fan remains the only noise to accompany us.

It's a little surreal, and I'm not entirely sure why.

...

"Did you find what you were looking for..?" I ask, quietly; wary of the moonlit atmosphere.

Roxanne doesn't verbally respond, but after a couple seconds, I see her snout turn down and away from me a few inches; as if expressing defeat.

"..I see.."

...

..Subconsciously, my hands slide into my pockets; a behavior I've started to associate with trying to keep an interaction casual.. Not sensing any dire time-constraint, I let my eyes hover away from Roxanne and gaze out the window for a few moments, admiring the potent melancholic hue shading the entire bedroom.

But before long, I re-focus and walk another couple steps inside.

...

In the darkness, it originally seemed like Roxanne had her arms crossed, but as I get a little closer I can see that's not quite what she's going for.

Her arms are 'crossed', but not just 'because'.. Rox is grabbing each of her upper arms with opposite hands, almost as if hugging herself.. Now that I can see it clearly, it strongly resembles a behavior she was doing quite a bit earlier.

"Are you still itchy..?" I ask, noting her posture.

...

Roxanne takes longer to acknowledge this one. Or, rather, the action she takes doesn't seem to be in response to my question at all. After around five or six seconds of silence, she tilts her head back up towards me a little bit, but not all the way.

..It's as if she's expressing that she doesn't want to talk to anybody right now.. Or almost like she's struggling to look at me straight.

A red flag, sure, but.. I don't know if asking her about it would do anything but upset her, like it did when I asked if she was alright seventeen times earlier over the course of the day..

...

"..Hey. I doubt Arin would really care, but this room might belong to-.." I trail off, implying the rest. "..If you're feeling tired or want to be alone, we can always pack it up for the night and head home."

...

As my eyes begin adjusting enough to see a bit better, I walk forward with the intent to stand by Roxanne's side.

Although she doesn't appear to be scratching anything, she hasn't stopped wrapping her arms around themselves. I'm not entirely sure what purpose that's intended to serve, but maybe it's to make her arms stop itching. Somehow..

...

I see Roxanne's left eye in the darkness, following me as I walk, while the other is hidden in shadow. I'm not sure what emotion her gaze is reflecting, but I can't shake the feeling like she's waiting in foreboding apprehension for me to notice something.

..Which doesn't bode particularly well..

…

Detecting sensitivity, I remind myself to keep my expression nonchalant and unconfrontational. I halt my approach when I'm no further than three feet away from the bedside; deciding to indulge her and get an even better look.

...

..But, even after closing the distance, I fail to see anything off that I didn't notice the first time.. Her posture and vow of silence is a little strange, but..

...

"You wouldn't prefer sitting on the couch with your friends, or something..? If something's bothering you, they'll be happy to serve as a distraction for a while." I offer as a suggestion.

Roxanne does acknowledge me this time, but in a peculiar way.. She looks straight up at me, as if to ask a hopeful 'do you think so..?'.

I suppose that by itself isn't too strange, but it's almost.. childlike.. Like there isn't a lot of thought going into her inquisitive expression; only blind hope in what I'm saying.

..But, just as quickly as it rose, Roxanne gradually lowers her head a bit again; as if painstakingly coming to terms with the fact that what I'm offering wouldn't work.

...

..I still don't wanna ask what's wrong, 'cause at this point it'd be like I'm degrading her..

...

..Her hands..

Despite this being the third time I look at them, I notice something that I'm pretty sure I didn't before.

...

..There's force in her grip.. More than just covering her arm with her hand - she's actually gripping both her arms hard enough that the skin on her arm around her hands looks warped, and her nails digging into her arm beyond that of what must be comfortable..

..It's like she isn't just holding her arms, but crushing them with all her might; nearly cutting off the blood-flow.

It isn't until I consider the pale skin around her hands as the result of gripping her arms so hard that I start figuring out what the point is. Roxanne's holding on so tight that the lack of blood-flow is making that part of her arm look numb.

Numb.. as in unfeeling, and unreceptive to pain.

..Pain..?

...

Finally, I see it.

A very slight and subtle detail that makes all the difference in the world. From a distance, it's unnoticeable; but now that I'm right here, I've caught on to the motion.

Roxanne's shaking.

Only a little, but 'how much' doesn't matter. Her whole body is vibrating the same way you'd expect out of someone who's either terrified or cold.

But it isn't either of those things this time around; the death-grip Roxanne has on herself implies a very realistic theory I'm not too keen on admitting.

Unfortunately, there's enough evidence. I've seen her like this before. back when Roxy was trying to stop me from leaving, but her adrenaline started to falter.

Something hurts.

Something really hurts.

Something hurts so bad that Roxanne can't talk.

Something hurts so bad that Roxanne can't hide it, so she snuck into someone's bedroom to avoid being seen.

Something really, really hurts.

-._.

I'm stuck without knowing how to react for a moment. The realization hit hard, and it takes a few seconds to truly comprehend the implications.

Roxanne, however, immediately seems to understand that I figured it out, and completely averts her gaze to stare at the floor; pools of dread forming in her eyes, alongside the pre-existing mist.

Speaking of which, those eyes reflect far more than I originally thought. I see all sorts of dark lines around them, reflecting a typhoon of different emotions. Embarrassment, exhaustion, desperation, fatigue, longing; even the occasional glimpse of homesickness..

But all those emotions are first run through a filter of physical pain before reaching her expression; resulting in quite the heartbreaking sight.

"Roxanne..?" I call out, quietly but seriously; as if my volume is hindered by the atmosphere.

...

"i... i-i.."

Roxanne can only meekly stutter in response, hardly audible whatsoever.

"Are you hurt-? What happened?"

I lightly grab Roxanne's arm and shoulder as I close the distance, half-interested in trying to find the cause of the pain myself.

...

"i.. mike, i w-.. i wanna go home.. i-i can't-.."

"Wolf- You need to tell me what happened first; We can't just leave with you like this."

Quickly giving up my search, I take my hand off her arm and lean back to look Roxanne in the eyes while she tries talking.

...

"..the c-.. the cuts aren't-.. th-.."

"What happened to the cuts?"

"t.. they still h-hurt.. i-it still h-hurts, i-it-.."

"They hurt..? Why? I thought they healed some..? They haven't bothered you all day today until now; why did they start hurting?"

"m... m-medicine, you h-.."

"..Medicine?"

"i-i was trying to find m-medicine.. t-the same a-.. a-at home.."

...

..Despite her efforts, I'm still unclear on what it is she's talking about that pertains to the situation we're having now.

Medicine at home..? What about medicine at home-? We didn't bring any medicine with us..

Roxanne was looking through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom quite a bit. Did she take medicine she found here that she mistook for something she takes at home..?

...

No.

When it clicks, it feels like the most obvious thing in the world, and I have to fight immediately badgering myself about it.

No, Roxanne didn't take anything here at Cooper's house that made her like this; Rox never found what it is she was looking for.. She made it obvious that whatever was wrong had something to do with all her scratching, and then she started getting harder to appease, and begun acting weirder than usual.. Roxanne was looking for medicine that she takes at my house, but couldn't find it here.

But since when does Roxanne need medicine? What does she take at my house?

Painkillers.

I got her a bottle of proper painkillers day one or two of being at my house to help numb the pain of the cuts all over her body, and I let her take the bottle to her room and handle dosages herself. I haven't seen the bottle in a while, so I guess I must've forgotten about it.

It didn't even occur to me that Rox might still be taking them.. Well now that it's reaching dusk, it makes perfect sense that whatever Roxanne took in the morning has worn off by now.

She's been subconsciously scratching the cuts for a while now – that must've irritated the hell out of them, and gotten the cuts on her arms in particular to flare back up now that the pain medication isn't numbing anything..

Ghh - so the scratching wasn't just this weird quirk that started happening due to her cuts being exposed to the air; it was the beginning of her pain medication wearing off.. Roxanne recognized this way before I did; she must've figured it out while we were all playing poker.

But then, Rox insisted to let her take the matter into her own hands.. Ugh - and now that I know the context, I don't even blame her; this was supposed to be a stupid easy issue for her to resolve..

All she had to do was find some mild-effect painkillers like ibuprofin; that shouldn'tve been a problem for anyone.. I wonder why she never found them in the medicine cabinet; maybe Arin keeps them someplace else..

...

..I can't believe the cuts hurt this much after all this time; I guess I hoped they'd heal enough to be mellow now.. The scratching has to have been the cause – with how intense it got later in the day, it's not impossible to imagine a cut or two opened back up..

Regardless, the gradual increase in pain/discomfort aligns perfectly with how Roxanne was getting more easily annoyed and harder to appease throughout the day.. Looks like this is the final stage..

"The pain medicine wore off..? Rox- you seriously couldn't find any in the medicine cabinet..?" I ask, unnecessarily, but to confirm nonetheless.

"mike i-i *tried*..! b-.. b-but there w-..! but i c-couldn't find-..." Roxanne whimpers back, taking a couple points of psychological damage thanks to my innate ability to word things in the worst possible way.

"That's okay - that's alright; we- nn.." I hesitate, forcing myself to come to terms with the fact that I need to cut a few losses here. "..We need to go home, Rox; as soon as possible.."

...

This is what she wants, obviously, but.. I suppose it's no surprise at this point to say that the mind just doesn't let us be happy with something that easy..

Roxanne stares up at me for a few seconds and concurs, but simultaneously, I see the ache in her eyes grow exponentially deeper as other thoughts creep in and consume her mind. The thoughts themselves are a mystery to me, but for the time being, it's clear we both agree that getting to the car is first priority.

"You still able to walk around?" I ask, taking a step back and fighting the anxiety growing within.

...

"..help, p-please.." Roxanne answers, letting go of one of her arms and reaching for me to take her hand and pull her up.

Without another word, I take the arm and tug. Roxan-

"o-oW! mike- ow-! s-stop..!"

Whelp.

By the time I've lowered my hand back to my side, Roxanne's already clasping at the part of the arm I was holding as if it was stung by bees and tempering her breathing.

..It makes sense that she's sensitive in hindsight, but even Roxanne herself didn't even realize it'd hurt that much when I grabbed it.

...

..I'm not able to do much but stand there and mask a grimace; unsure what the proper way to handle a situation like this is.. I don't even think Roxanne was this sensitive the day after she got the cuts..

No more than a minute later and the wolf lifts her eyes to meet mine, then lowers them as she falls deeper into shame; nothing short of tearing herself to shreds for being a burden after going on and on all day about how she could handle herself without holding me back.

I hate ignoring it, but I can't play the role of the comforter yet; not here. Priorities are made, and I need to work on the top of the list..

...

..The more I think about it, the worse the situation gets..

If anyone sees her like this, I.. What could we possibly hope to say..?

..We can't let that happen – we need to leave without being seen, but..

…

Then we need to leave *right now*.. I have sufficient enough reason to believe everyone is in the living room for the time being, but I can't say the same will be true in even just five minutes..

We do not have the time to find an alternative medicine to numb the pain, if something like that even exists in this house.. We don't have the time to make a plan – the time to leave is right now, but..

…

Nn.. If Roxanne can't push herself up, and I can't help her, then what?

Plus, with how bad it seems to be, I doubt she'd even be able to make it to the car if she could stand.

…

..No matter how I look at it, Roxanne needs a method of tanking the pain, or even just reducing it slightly.. But what the hell does that leave me with?

Pain medicine is off the table since Roxanne never found any, and there's no way I could ask Arin for some without acquiring his concern.. Looking for some on my own is going to take too long..

Is there some other way to reduce the pain? For even a moment?

...

..The corners of my mouth reflexively curl into a grimace as a thought occurs..

..Adrenaline..

The bodies natural painkiller.. Frankly, it'd work great right about now, but I can't exactly toggle it on with the press of a button..

What am I going to do – fight her to get the adrenaline going?

...

..There are ways to trigger adrenaline without physical turmoil, I guess; maybe something I can good-enough..

Hell, it might be good enough if I can just scare the adrenaline into pumping.. But that's not a small funny spook – whatever I shocked her with, it'd have to be bad enough to trigger a natural bodily reaction that's meant to keep her alive..

Mortifying the wolf is a little extra difficult, considering all the shit she's seen on my account.. Where would I even begin..

...

…

..I.. I do know of one irrational fear of hers..

…

I'm the lowest level of scum on the planet for even considering this, but..

nn..

...

..Alright..

I know what to do..

...

..but.. Roxanne..

..Roxanne is going to *hate* me for it..

...

..I shift my posture to stand mournfully stoic, as if psyching myself up to do what I desperately, desperately don't want to do.

Rox doesn't do much in response; I'm not sure she even noticed through all that she's feeling.

...

"Roxanne.." I call, forcing a hint on monotony.

Naturally, wolfie lifts her head to look at me when she no longer detects the reassurance in my voice. Like a student looking up at a teacher standing over their desk who caught them drawing on their homework instead of working.

..And, despite my best hopes, that's just the angle I need her head at..

...

"..w-what?"

...

..After five or so seconds of silently staring at one another, I shift the right side of my body a bit; gradually lifting and bringing attention to my right arm. The metal one I practically traumatized her with.

Roxanne notices before too long; fighting the pain to look upon my arm with curiosity.

...

It sits there, idle for a suspicious amount of time. The stress of the situation eating at her fortitude towards th-

.-._

-. My hand violently shoots for her throat.

.-._

...

..Ohhh Michael..

..There is no one lower than you..

...

…

..Of course, I never actually touch her throat.. All I needed was a scare..

My hand is stopped mere inches away from her neck, practically cupping it without ever physically coming into contact with it.

..Well hey.. I got exactly the reaction I needed..

...

Roxanne is paralyzed.

Frozen, like an object.. Even the shaking stopped.

Her entire upper body went pale from the shock of what I was doing alone. Roxanne's expression has abandoned every emotion but the unfathomable disbelief she was starting to feel when she froze. Her eyes have all but have effectively glazed over, though they remain motionlessly locked on mine.

Her mouth hangs open a bit, but I think that's just as far as she was able to open it before she petrified like stone.

...

..Rox's arms are frozen mid-air, positioned as if she was about to grab my arm and pull it away from her neck, but couldn't make it by the time I reached her throat and got her to freeze..

No movement, no shaking, no blinking. Roxanne's not even breathing.

It's like even her heart stopped beating.

...

Shell-shocked, Roxanne remains inanimate. Her eyes stay locked on mine, but I'm not sure if she can see through how bad the scare hazed over her eyes. Perhaps the only reason she's looking up at me at all is because my hand, still just below her chin, won't let her head tilt any lower.

And so, for a moment that possibly ends up spanning minutes, we imitate the lifeless of statues; painting an art piece that represents utter betrayal.

...

After far too long, Roxanne moves, though barely. She's only begun breathing again, in painfully slow yet shallow breaths.

..Not too long after, I gradually recede my hand; lowering it back to my side over the course of a minute. I continue looking down at her; refusing to let my expression completely portray whatever it is I'm feeling.

...

It's not until at least another minute has passed that Roxanne regains some sense of control; her eyes stay locked on mine but slowly lose the cloudiness. In addition, her arms begin to lower as well; though very, very slowly.

Though the shock begins to fade, the disbelief doesn't. I couldn't begin to describe the look in her eyes.. It's the look of a boy whose loving and hardworking father that they trust with their heart and soul just put a gun up to their head and pulled the trigger in one quick motion.

...

However, as Roxanne regains control again, the shaking doesn't return. That, ultimately, was my intention.

Not because the cuts don't inherently hurt anymore, but because Rox can't feel them, even if they do.

Not through the ocean of adrenaline pumping through her veins, anyway.

...

"..Can you stand up..?"

...

Roxanne doesn't respond right away, but I can tell that my question made something click with her.

...

..Though her muscles are weak, Roxanne eventually pushes herself up off the side of the bed without much trouble. In doing so, she quickly pieces together what my intention in all of this was.

But, despite understanding what I was going for, her expression doesn't change. Her mouth doesn't stop hanging ever so slightly open.

Those eyes don't look at me with any less disbelief, or betrayal.

...

..I.. I'm not an idiot..

I know Roxanne won't forget this, ever.. I took advantage of her colossal irrational fear of my metal arm, and any hope I had toward making Roxanne see that it's no more dangerous than my regular arm has been completely obliterated.

She will never get over this fear, not anymore.

I know how extreme of a measure this was. There were other ways of shocking her bad enough to cause her adrenaline to pump, but there's a reason I chose this earth-shattering one.

It's because this irrational fear I just worsened can be fixed for good, with a rather simple solution.. One I'm not particularly looking forward to, but one I've just made my responsibility to see through..

If I had chosen a less extreme method, I wouldn'tve done so much damage, but I wouldn't have had a way to repair what little damage I did either.

This.. This is something I can fix, but..

..Later..

..I'll have to work on the 'fixing' part when we get home.. That comes first..

...

"I'm sorry."

...

..Unsurprisingly, Roxanne doesn't respond to that either. She does, however, stop her mouth from being hung open anymore; closing it tightly as if it's a conscious effort.

...

"Alright. Lets go."

...

..And despite everything, the moment I turn around to take a step, Roxanne quickly follows behind me.

...

"..i-i don't feel good.."

"I know. We'll be home in less than a few minutes."

...

..Roxanne's whimpers are briefly overcome by a fussy, frustrated growl. Her mind is tearing itself to shreds from the inside out, and deep down I know that nothing I say will be able to stall it this time..

I do my best not to look over in the passenger seat, but I don't think it matters. I can imagine what she looks like without even looking, despite my efforts to turn my mind off until we get home..

"..Please, do whatever you can to calm down until we reach the house; we'll work through everything once we're there.. That's probably impossible, I know; I understand how you feel, but-"

"n-no you don't."

...

"mm.."

...

"..s...s-sorry.."

"No, you're.. You're probably right.."

...

"o-okay, but-.. i-i'm sorry for y-yelling.."

Ha.. If that was supposed to be 'yelling', then you might be worse than I thought..

..In other news, her stuttering is starting to come back..

...

..I can't believe I have you apologizing to a wretch like me.. After what I've just done, no less..

…

"It's okay, Rox.. I hear you working yourself up again; focus on keeping together."

"t-this *is* me keeping calm.."

"Ah.."

...

..This is gonna be a long night..

…

Huh..

...

I silently step backward and gently close the makeshift-bedroom door.

"..I forgot, I.. took Friendo back to the Pizzaplex.. I meant to get him when we went back home, but.. Y'know.."

...

Unsurprisingly, I get no response.

...

With a troubled sigh, I turn over my shoulder and peer at Roxanne over the island; laying across the living-room couch and waiting for the medicine to properly kick in, half of her face buried in a pillow she's hugging like she's trying to keep herself from curling up into a ball. Her eyes are pursed; it's clear it still hurts like hell..

..It's been a few minutes though, and the painkillers should have started having something of an effect by now..

...

..Well.. Ha.. I doubt painkillers do much against psychological damage, huh..

I turn the rest of myself around, quietly beginning to make my way into the living room.

...

My steps slow until I'm standing over the couch; beside the coffee table with the bottle of medicine and a glass of water on it. Roxanne either fails to notice my presence or chooses not to respond to it.

...

"Rox.."

...

..She cracks her eyes open, but only stares straight ahead instead of up at me. Her eyes are narrowed as if annoyed, but it's hard to look past the cloudy wetness.. Tears of frustration, I'm sure.. Frankly I can't believe there aren't already some running down her face..

...

"nnnnnn.." Roxanne moans, closing her eyes again and burying her face into the pillow.

...

"..I'm-.. I'm not sure what to say.." I admit, feeling fatigue begin to build under my eyes.

...

"mike i can't, fuckin-... i *can't*.."

"..."

...

"..i'm supposed to be *strong*, all the kids look up to me.."

"Rox- there are countless reasons why you might not have been able to find medicine. It c-"

"there are more reasons why y-you shouldnt've been able to fight off literal fuckin' vengeful spirits, but you did; and i c-.."

"That's not the same; come on.."

...

"..m-my *head*.." Roxanne both whines and groans, pushing her face further into the pillow.

"..Is there something wrong with your head?"

"i-i can't *think*.. i can't *stop* thinking, i-i just-.."

"Hey.. Relax; everything's okay.."

...

"..i-i'm so fucking pathetic, mike. i'm s-so pathetic. i-i can't even-"

"enough, no you're not..You're-"

"i-i'm fucking *useless*, mike.." Roxanne interrups, defying my expectations and holding the pillow away from her face.

...

"I-.. No- just because you couldn't find something this one time doesn't mean-"

"i-it's *not* just this time.. if i just couldn't find medicine this one time, then whatever, b-but i've failed to do *so much*.. it feels like i cant do 'a-anything'.."

"Roxanne.."

...

"how come you can get shit done..? w-what do 'you' have that *i* don't?"

"..I've got fifty years more experience than you, for starters.." I respond, finding a good point to retaliate against.

"m-mike.."

"That's not meant to be an insult - I mean comparing yourself to me isn't fair.. I know you didn't grow up the same as everyone else and were made to have critical thinking right out the gate, but there's no substitute for the intuition that comes from experience."

"'You' shouldn'tve gotten the chance to get 'experience' either- You spent your w-whole life chasing after your fucking-..!" Roxanne abruptly raises her voice, pushing her upper body up a bit as if threatening to sit up.

"Hey, hey.." I hurriedly try calming her down, raising my hands up defensively and instinctively kneeling down to around her level.

...

..Roxanne lowers her snout and stares at me for a while; her expression halfway between mildly annoyed and entirely heartbroken.. The dark spots under her eyes express a fatigue I couldn't even begin to put into words..

...

..But there's something else in those eyes, too. Something I'm not sure I've ever seen before..

…

Roxanne's been emotional and unstable before, but.. I don't know - it's hard to describe..

It's something irrational..

The result of all this mental turmoil, I'm sure. A slippery slope into madness..

And it's growing.. It's small now, but..

...

Roxanne's expression gradually morphs into a grimace, as if disgusted.

...

"..f-fucking.. 'here we are' again.."

"What..?"

"you're kneeling by me, w-working to make everything okay because *i'm* having some sort of episode and can't handle myself.. like f-fucking *always*.."

"Listen: these sorts of things just take time.. Don't compare yourself to me - I've had decades to learn how to respond to things; th-"

"mike- i don't *have* decades.." Roxanne pouts. "..y-you could disappear any day now, a-and i can't change to fit your bill in time.."

"I don't want you to change to fit my bill - my bill includes-"

"i-i'm not *doing* it for you.."

...

"..I, just.. I really don't know what to say.." I repeat, staring carefully into the wolf's broken gaze.

...

..A moment goes by, and Roxanne pushes herself sitting upright for no discernible reason; continuing to make eye contact with a less-than kind expression..

Not entirely sure why she sat up, or why I'm getting an annoyed glare; I only remain kneeling where I am and await the next thought that comes through Roxanne's mouth.

...

"..y-you're so *insulting*.."

...

"..I'm insulting..?"

"Yes.."

...

"I.. don't mean to be.."

...

..I catch a glimpse of the madness in her eyes again, and it's considerably more developed that before.. It wouldn't be surprising if that's at least partially to blame for the disdain continuing to manifest in her expression..

...

"..*fuck* you.." She half-bites, seemingly unprompted.

"Roxanne.." I sigh.

..This might not work out the way I'm hoping.. Roxanne isn't exactly in her best state of mind right now..

...

"i-i don't even care about being the 'best' anymore, i just want to be better than *you*.."

"Calm down, wolf - I'm losing track of what we're talking about.."

...

"..w-why do you *do* such horrible shit to me?"

"..What?

"what's wrong with you and that f-fucking arm? do you hate me?" Roxanne asks with just a little too much sincerity.

"No I don't hate y-.. Rox, help me understand what I'm supposed to be saying.."

"w-would it have even meant anything to you if you *did* grab my throat?"

"Of course it would; I wasn't trying to hurt you at all, that's not what I was going for.."

"so it's o-okay as long as it doesn't physically hurt me? a-am i like a farm animal to you? you don't care what happens to me as long as it doesn't hurt?"

"I do care, wolf.." I exhale, subtly shaking my head and coming to terms with the fact that reasoning with her might not be a possibility with the mental state she's in. "..Listen, I think you need to get a little rest to get your thoughts back in order.. I know it's been a long time since you had any private time today, so maybe it'd do you some good."

...

"..r-reaching for my fucking throat and-.. why did you even *do* that? w-why did that mean so little to you?"

It's like she can't even hear me..

...

"..It didn't mean little to me; I just have a plan on how to-"

"y-you always have some fucking *plan*, don't you? always an *excuse*.. always something up your sleeve to s-stay one step ahead of me, huh?"

"Listen to yourself, Roxanne.."

...

..I stare back into her eyes for a while.. It's hard to look past the building psychosis..

...

..Today has simply been too much.. Roxanne's guard was down since she was with all her friends, and her failure to take care of herself at Arin's was a colossal blow to her independency and sense of self.. so, naturally, it also dealt quite a blow to her mind as well..

Putting it bluntly: her mental state simply isn't holding its own right now.. It's emotional, irrational, and erratic.. Before long, it could devolve to actual insanity. I feel as if I might be watching that happen as we speak.

...

"..you're so *demeaning*.. everything you do is a blow to my pride, and there's nothing i can fucking do about it, because i'm equally dependent on you.."

"Alright, that's probably enough.." I quietly huff, pushing myself up to a stand. "..You need a bit of rest, at least until the medicine kicks in all the way. I'll be up in my room for a few minutes to give you some time alone.."

"and now you're just gonna leave me, huh? like you're always trying to do?"

"Mm.."

...

..I've never seen her so venomous.. and it's purely to get a reaction out of me.. Maybe I should brainstorm a couple ways to drag her back to reality manually upstairs.

...

With a somber exhale towards the direction the conversation went, I ignore Roxanne's rhetorical question and take a diagonal step behind me to find the stairs.

- nk -

...

..But, Roxanne isn't content.

Before I can take my second step, a clawed hand viciously wraps around my wrist. I hadn't even completely taken my eyes of Roxanne yet, and watched her lean forward to snag my arm.

...

The way she stares up at me certainly isn't any kinder than it was before. It's actually somewhat unnerving.. A heartache'd expression, but it's turned mostly stoic. All the emotion is stuffed only in the windows to her soul.

..It's not entirely stoic, though.. It might not be showing through her facial expressions, but there's hatred in those eyes..

...

I don't want to see this build up.. I need to let her have some time alone..

...

"..Roxanne, if you need help, then say so, but otherwise, I'm going."

...

"you wanna know what the worst part is?"

...

"..Do I?"

"listening to you say you're not shit." Roxanne states, her voice still somewhat weak, but monotone. "..how do you think that makes me feel, mike?"

"I don't know..?"

"*i* can't do fucking anything on my own, and you get shit done under pressure like it's nothing.. then you say you're not even good at it; that you're 'terrible' at fixing problems."

Sigh..

...

"..Look - I'm not exceptional, I promise. I've got some experience, but I'm not a great problem solver. If I-"

"and yet, i can't keep up." Roxanne mutters, her voice cold; loathing. It catches me by surprise, and ushers me into silence.

...

..I stand silent in the living room for a moment.. The telepathic conversation between Roxanne and I's eyes is entirely one-sided; nothing I think is getting through to her.

..It's starting to scare me a bit..

...

"..Rox, I'm.. I'm struggling to get through to you.." I admit, turning to face her a bit more.

"how do you think *i* feel after throwing my pride away to beg you to stay over and over again..?"

...

"Okay.. Listen, I understand how you feel, y-"

-"No!"- Roxanne nearly explodes, my choice of words triggering her to break the stoic act in an instant; all the emotions spilling out like a broken dam.. The grip on my arm gets exceedingly tighter; oblivious to the damage the claws might be doing. "No, Mike..! No you fucking don't!"

"Woah, woah; calm d-!"

"No!"

Roxanne tugs on my wrist, violently pulling herself off the couch to a stand less than a foot away. The calm and steady mask is broken, and I face the full brunt of how she feels.

"I-..! Mike, you have no fucking idea what it's like to watch you handle things the way you do!"

"I didn't mean-"

"I-I..! Shut up - listen to me!" Roxanne aggressively badgers, evidently holding back something on her part and choking to get any words out. "You-..!"

..But then she chokes again; her mind in such a flurry that the words she means to speak won't form, and she's left stuttering.

"..Roxanne, enough.. Here, have a drink of your water.."

"No, I-..! I'm not letting you just walk away f-from-..!"

...

Somewhat unsurprisingly, Roxanne bats my hand away as I try reaching for the glass of water lying atop the coffee table.

I expect this to be followed up with another barrage of words, but it isn't..

...

It's like she's sputtering.. All the emotions are caught up in her throat but the words to express them won't come.

"Y-.. You- Mike, I-I..! Fucking-..!"

"I-.. Roxanne, please calm down; you can tell me what you want to say, but keep a hold of yourself.." I insist, gently trying to push her away.

...

..She doesn't take that very well.. Maybe she even took it as an insult..

The insanity grows at an alarming pace. Each time Roxanne chokes, she gets even more frustrated, and that feeling has been stacking up for far too long..

"Y-..! M-Mike-..!"

...

"Okay.. Look- Wolf, I get it, but-"

-._ Then, a barrier breaks.

-._ The fury of being unable to form a sentence in such a critical moment builds so heavy over time that Roxanne simply snaps. So fed up by her inability to execute, Roxanne stops caring what comes out of her mouth, as long as it's something.

-._ And something, it most certainly is.

-._ "Y-You are EVERY BIT your *f-father's son*..! You're *JUST LIKE HIM!*" Roxanne cries, jabbing a finger at my chest. _.-

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but that wasn't it. It's enough to get me to stagger for a moment.

"What? No, I'm-.."

And the moment Roxanne sees that what she said caused me to recoil, even just a little, she doubles down on it with a full scale attack.

-._

"Y-You're just playing a fucking game with me and everyone else that trusts you - you're manipulating them-! And I get all your fucking cruelty the moment you realize I-I'm dependent on you and can't leave! T-That's exactly the kind of shit your father would do!" Roxanne insists, using expressive motions with her free hand while the sanity continues to seep from her eyes.

"I'm-.. No, I don't play games with them, I-.."

"Mike – y-you HAVE to know this fucking awful way I'm kept under your thumb..! The way you keep me down to this h-hellish low all of the time! I-It's on purpose!"

"No, I-..Rox, I'm trying to help, I don't mean to-.."

"Imagine how it fucking feels, Mike!" Roxanne barks, halfway between yelling and crying. "Y-You're always saying you're 'so fucking average', and that 'anyone' should be able to do the things you do..! You go on f-fucking fits about how much you suck and how pathetic you are, a-and y'know what?!"

"Roxanne, I-"

"Y-You *are*! You 'are' fucking pathetic! Y-You're a piece of nothing who's only special because of how bad your fuck-ups are! Everything you do only works to f-fix problems you started; a-and that's the bare minimum..! But do y-you know why that *sucks*..?!"

"Wh..?"

"Becau- kh..!" Roxanne chokes, her emotions getting the better of her entirely; but she forces herself to speak through the trouble. "B-Because, even though you're so *terrible*, I-I'm still NOTHING compared to you! I don't even hold a f-fucking candle to you!"

The moment has passed. Madness takes over, and the last bit of sanity drains from her eyes. It has the potential to grow worse and worse, but Roxanne hit me with a blow so hard at the beginning that I can't stop it.

So, I watch the psychotic desperation set in. Each word she speaks, every action she takes; it's not something either of us decide anymore.

There's no control left in her eyes. Only a subtle, sickly shade of purple.

"Y-You know what it's like to be so much worse than the w-worst?! I'm this far below the lowest!? i-it tears me APART, Mike! I-Its fucking torture! I-I can't handle it! I can't..! I *can't!* B-but I'm forced to, because I-I'm dependent on you! I-I..!"

"wh-.."

"i-it's hell! Y-You're just like him! You trapped in this f-fucking limbo, l-like he did to them! Manipulating how I f-feel to get what's convenient, w-while I'm in the back unable to do ANYTHING for myself! I-It's *humiliating*! A-And when I'm at my weakest, y-you abuse my fucking fears like they're *conveniences* for you to *use!*"

"I-.."

"I-I hate you! I HATE you! Mike!" Roxanne yells, shaking with rage, among other things.

The hand around my wrist is gripped so hard that I worry the muscles in her arm will tear. Roxanne's mad well past the point of dramatic hand motions, and there's nothing she can do with her free hand to properly express how blindingly angry she is, so it simply vibrates in the air besides her; looking for something to do.

"You're JUST LIKE him! D-Do you fucking hear me-? I-I hate you! You're a demon, just like your father was! FUCK you! F-Fuck-..!"

"I-I should kill you, Mike-! You keep me so fucking low - I can't do anything, and every time I inevitably fail YOU'RE always RIGHT THERE, r-rubbing it in! I HATE you! I-I HATE-!"

- nk-! -

Without warning, Roxanne's free hand opens up and shoots past the underside of my chin, nabbing my collar and pulling me far closer to her.

"You're JUST LIKE him! You're every BIT his son-! Y-You're just like him!"

I reflexively lift my hand to grab Roxanne's arm.

"Do you HEAR me?! A-Are you fucking listening to m-! I HATE you!"

"No-..! you are going to ANSWER me, motherfucker! No dodging around shit this time, Michael - None!"

"Do you hear me, Mike..!? You and your father go hand in fuckin' hand w-with your abusive bullsh-..! Say something for yourself!"

Roxanne yanks my face mere inches away from hers, my entire vision consumed by the fury of this wolf.

"Do you *hear me*!? Huh!?"

"W-Why!? Why do you go silent like this, always!? Tell me WHY won't you answer me..!"

"Nothing! N-Never anything from you-! Why won't you say anything?!"

"Mike! Why?! I'm not letting go until y-you..! Until you tell me why, you-..!"

"J-..! Just-! Tell me..! T-Tell me..!"

...

"Why won't you-..?!"

...

Over the course of almost a minute, Roxanne's tone shifts as she yells at me in less frequent bursts.. In the silence of my absent answer, Rox is unintentionally forcing herself to quell her anger while she awaits my response.. And the longer Roxanne calms down, the more her logical train of thoughts start to return to her.

Her face, still taking up my entire field of view from being tugged close, has hints of sobering confusion seeping into her expression amidst the blind rage.

...

"Why, y-.."

...

"Y-Your father, you-.."

...

Then, it's as if the world gradually begins to sink, along with Roxanne's heart.

...

"f-father, and-..?" She mutters, confusion all that remains amidst her upset expression.

...

..Roxanne's expression begins to change..

Our gazes sink into one another, but neither of us are truly seeing what's in front of our eyes.

...

..Finally, Roxanne loosens the grip on my collar, moving her head back a couple inches..

...

"I-.." Roxanne mutters after a minute, hardly more than an exhale.

...

She abruptly releases my collar and moves her head back a bit until she's standing just about upright, staring down at me like I'm an alien.

...

"M.. Mike, I didn't-.."

...

The specifics of her expression are hard to describe; it's almost comparable to 'denial'.. A disbelief she's struggling with, as if something was spoken that she can hardly comprehend coming out of her mouth.

..However, Roxanne isn't entirely granted the pleasure of denial either; I see the discomfort of understanding everything to be reality in her eyes as well. It's not a pretty sight..

...

"..I didn't-.."

...

"I-.. Mike - I didn't mean that.." Roxanne breathes, as if also reassuring herself.

...

"..I didn't-.. Mike, you 'know' I didn't mean that, I-.. I was just.."

..She struggles to continue her point, talking through the stutters like she's relaying common knowledge.

...

..Roxanne takes half a step back away from me as her brain continues trying to process everything..

...

"No, Mike, you-.. You 'know' I just say things when I get upset, it-.. it never means anything.. I-I was just mad - you know that.."

...

"..Mike- I'm saying I didn't mean it.. Hello..?" Roxanne calls for me, despite standing right in front of her.

...

..Fighting her instinct to stand and stare, Roxanne steps back towards me and reaches out to move my face a bit.

If Rox was afraid of me being angry, she would have never approached me so casually like that.. But no, it's not that she's worried about.

...

"..You can hear me, right? You heard what I said..? Mike, look at me.."

Roxanne gently nabs the bottom of my chin and tilts it to see how my eyes react.

I don't think she sees the result she was hoping for. I may be looking at her, but whether I actually see her or not is a different story.

...

"..Mike, I-.."

...

"I.. I was just mad, I didn't-.. You 'know' I just say shit when I get mad.. You know it never means anything... Do you see me? Look at me.."

...

"..Look at me..!"

…

But I'm too deep in my mind to hear her.

"M-Mike- I was just mad! I-I was just mad-! Look at me..! Mike, l-look at me!" Roxanne raises her voice; abruptly overcome with panic.

"Oh, I-.. Sorry, sorry, I'm-.." I eventually respond out of reflex, pretending that I've snapped out of it. "Sorry, I just.. I zoned out – I'm looking at you, uhm.."

...

Roxanne, utterly unconvinced that she got what she wants, tilts my head further to get a better look at my eyes..

My eyes follow her eyes regardless of how she moves my head..

...

..But my eyes, despite being responsive, aren't fully there..

Fogged over, as if I'm not truly seeing what my eyes are pointed at.

Faded, like how you'd imagine someone to look when they're zoned out.. Like I'm trapped in my mind; thinking about something.

That is what Roxanne is so afraid of.

Naturally, it doesn't take long for her to see how 'out of it' I am.

"Mike - Stop! S-Stop, I didn't mean it..!"

"No- I get it. You're fine.." I reply quickly, automatically; gesturing hopelessly to tell her to calm down. "I know you were just a little fed up, it's not the first time for either of us.."

"I-I can tell you're still making a big deal out of it..! Stop. F-Focus on me, Mike!" Roxanne insists, grabbing the side of my face with her other hand.

"Rox - I'm already looking at you.."

...

..Out of the static, I can finally start to make out the thoughts in my own head.. The same thoughts Roxanne's desperately trying to prevent.

...

-.-.-

Manipulative.

Keeping her in an obligatory limbo. Like she's trapped in a prison that belongs to someone else.

I play with her emotions through lies and misdirection to get what I want; to get favorable results. To keep her just broken enough to not fight me on anything, but functional enough to find practicality in.

I abuse fears; even irrational ones stemming from trauma.

Feigning friendship and security, when all I am is a mirror; reflecting the pretty colors she wants to see until I get what I need.

-.-.-

"S-Stop-! I-I'm *sorry!* I didn't mean to say anything bad! I-I was just mad..! N-Nothing else!"

"Calm down, calm down.."

"I can *see* you thinking about it, Mike! I-I'm telling you - there's nothing to think about..! I was j-just saying words; none of it meant anything!"

"I know, really.. You're fine, Rox, I promise.."

-.-.-

..My father was.. *very* manipulative..

My father kept people in prisons that didn't belong to them..

My father lied to Evan - fabricating a fear of his animatronics using that toy bear.. He made it crippling enough that Evan never questioned it, but always obeyed..

Father used that fear every opportunity he had. It was a tool..

Through that doll, father feigned companionship and comfort until Evan built a bond.. With it, he obtained trust.. Dependency..

-.-.-

"P-Please, just-..! Tell me what you're thinking about! Out loud..!"

"Rox - nothing is wrong, I'm right here.." I insist, my efforts proving fruitless to stop the steadily growing instability within Roxanne. "..Look, regardless, before we do anything else, I need you to calm down first.."

"No..! Y-You're still thinking about it..! Look at me, Mike..!"

...

-.-.-

Roxanne is right. I 'am' just like him.

-.-.-

"Mike..!"

"..."

...

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

But so what?

I already knew that.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

.-.-.-

-.-

...

..And the thoughts all fade back to nothing..

...

...

"..M...Mike..?"

Roxanne's voice softens as she watches my focus settle on her, for real this time.

...

..With a heavy sigh, I lift my good arm, gently grabbing one of Roxanne's wrists and lowering it from my face.

"..I'm right here, wolf.." I reply, voice low and somber.

...

"wh.. what just happened?" Roxanne meekly asks, too confused to resist as I take her hand down.

"I was just organizing my thoughts, that's all.."

...

"I-.. I thought you got stuck in your head again..?"

"Maybe for a bit, yeah.."

...

"..So you were thinking..? I-I thought you needed my help to get out of that..?"

...

"..I 'was' thinking, but, uhm.." I continue, dropping Roxanne's hand as I find the words to answer with. "..I just.. finished, I guess.."

...

"..S-.. So you're okay..?"

"Yeah, I'm okay.."

...

..We stare..

Gazing endlessly into the eyes of the other, standing quietly in the living room..

Once again, we're accompanied by nothing but the punishing silence left behind by the all the words that were spoken, and perhaps the quiet drone of the ceiling fan.. It isn't necessarily the atmosphere keeping us still, but something of an acknowledgement to all that's happened; events who's meaning we could never hope to express with words.

...

"..Mike, I-.. I don't even-.." Roxanne tries to begin.

"..I still think I should give you a couple minutes to yourself; let you figure out your thoughts without any pressure.."

...

"Wait, I-.. I don't even know why I said any of that, I-I didn't mean-"

"It's okay, don't get worked up about it.."

"No, I-.. I'm sorry, I-I don't know what came over me, that-.. I-I'm not like that, Mike, I wouldn't say something like-.."

"Wolf.."

...

"..No- that wasn't o-okay.. that wasn't okay, Mike; I d-don't know where that came from, I-.." She subtly shakes her head, at a loss of just about everything.

"..."

"Y-You're not like your dad, okay..? I-I'm so sorry, I c-can't believe I-"

"Alright, alright; enough, Roxanne. Save it for a little later.." I insist, fighting the urge to lift arm and take Roxanne's other hand off my face. "Just a couple minutes to get all our thoughts in order, then we can talk the way we want to."

...

"I don't-.. You shouldn't 'go' anywhere though, you-.. Not, like, back to your room.."

"Yeah, I'm not going far. I really just mean I'll be dropping by the bathroom over there; giving us two or three minutes to think while I wash up is all." I reply gently, gesturing to the small hallway with the bathroom in it.

...

Roxanne looks past the kitchen and at the hallway I'm referring too for a few moments..

..Though after ten to fifteen seconds, Roxanne looks back at me, then continues to stare up in silence.

...

"..O-.. Okay.. Yeah, that's okay.."

Roxanne's free hand stops hovering by my face and gradually falls to my shoulder, staying there for another moment before she takes a step back and lets her hand slide down my arm until it falls from me entirely.. It's like she's in a trance; I can only imagine what her mind is like right now..

...

..Failing to find any more words to end this immediate interaction on, I simply take a few backwards steps, before turning and making my way to the restroom.

...

There.. huff..

...

..It's been a bit longer than three minutes, but I doubt it matters. It took me a bit to figure out the bandages..

I push myself upright, standing in front of the mirror for a few more seconds.

...

..I am consciously preventing myself from thinking about how absurd that whole thing was.. I am going to continue to prevent myself from thinking about how absurd that whole thing was until I get some real alone time where I'm not responsible for something going well..

…

Arright..

...

As my hand rests on the doorknob, I catch sight of my wrist.. Now that I think about it, Roxanne's claw ended up digging deep enough for it to draw a little blood; maybe that area is also something I should concern myself with..

...

..Eventually letting go of the knob, I execute a very simple examination procedure; i.e. bringing it up to my face and looking at my wrist with my eyes like a caveman.

...

..Nah..

Getting a closer look, it's hardly anything.. Only one claw dug deep enough to puncture the skin, and the resulting scab is comparable to accidentally poking yourself with a stick; even a band-aid would be overkill.. I guess there's not much protective tissue around a skinny wrist, so it isn't hard to believe that it bleeds easy.

...

- clunk -

I twist the knob and push out into the hallway before I can find a reason to stall..

It's only five or six steps until I'm out of the hall and inside the kitchen; glancing over the island and into the living room. Then, doubling back to the kitchen once I recognize the canine figure standing by the counter and doing something with my cutlery.

...

..I stop about ten feet away, watching Roxanne do whatever the hell she thinks she's doing for a bit.. She's turned the other way, so I can't actually see what it is she's doing with her hands, but the sounds of common kitchen tools in use are unmistakable.

...

..?

..The hell kinda thought process caused her to go from 'I just had an unexplainable psychological lapse and am crushed from the guilt of losing control of myself to such a degree' to 'mm, time for dinner.'?

...

"Are you hungry?" I ask, announcing my presence and pretending like I haven't been standing here for fifteen seconds.

Roxanne, understandably easy to startle in her current condition, quickly turns her head over her shoulder in my general direction, but soon after returns her gaze to her work.

...

"N-.. Not really, but I-.. I'm making something for both of us.. or- I'm trying to anyway, but don't expect much; god knows I can't fuckin' do anything on my own anym-.." Roxanne trails off, voice fading quieter and quieter until the sound stops entirely.

..Not a single part of that sentence sounded correct.. All of it was artificial, weird..

..But despite the obvious red flags, I decide not to comment..

...

"..You're making us something to eat? ..Really?" I wonder out loud, curious but not incriminating. "..I mean- I'm thrilled, but it's admittedly a strange time to want to do that kind of thing.. What made you feel like it?"

...

"I just.. I needed something to keep my hands busy, while I 'got my thoughts in order'.."

"Mm.." I hum, placing something on the island and approaching Roxanne from behind to peek over her shoulder. "Uhm.. What are you making, then..?"

"..Let me figure it out.." Roxanne half-mumbles, setting aside what looks like a spatula and arming herself with some other tool before continuing her work.

"Alright.."

...

..The sounds of food preparation fill the air for a little while, until eventually, they don't..

Roxanne arbitrarily slows her pace until she's simply standing still at the counter, looking down at what's in front of her..

...

"I.. I did some thinking, like you said.. I think I got my thoughts figured out, um.."

...

"..That's good. That'll make a big difference when we talk; I promise.."

..It's almost physically painful to talk to her.. Every single thing about this situation just doesn't feel quite right, and I don't really understand..

...

"Mike, I-.."

...

"..?"

...

"..I-I have a lot to s-say.." Roxanne forces out; voice breaking, and abruptly on the verge of tears.

...

"..That's alright.."

...

"I-.."

"..."

...

"mike, i.. i-i think there's something 'w-wrong' with me.." Roxy continues, keeping herself from turning around..

...

"..."

"..n-normal people don't *act* like t-this, mike.. s-something's wrong.."

...

"..What kind of 'something'..?"

"..I think I have a p-problem.. l-like, a condition or something.."

"It's okay.."

...

"..I-I've known about it forever, mike, i-... i-i should never have let it g-get this bad, but i-i didn't-.."

This isn't going smoothly – I need to force this to happen any other time but now..

"Hey - listen.." I interrupt, offering up a new timetable. "..Look I, um.. I think it's still just a little too soon.. You can tell me whatever you'd like in just a little bit, but right now I'd like you to just focus on keeping together.. Focus on the food. One thing at a time."

...

With a wet and mighty - sniff -, Roxanne sacks up and stops herself from shaking; forcing herself to stay focused on the task at hand.

"..O-Okay.."

...

"..I'm not trying to get in the way of letting you do this on your own, but is there something I can help with..?" I ask, watching Roxanne rub her eyes by wiping her arm across her face.

"H.. Hold on.."

...

"O-Okay.. Okay, y-.. Yes, you can get plates, I think.. That'd be cool.." Roxanne answers after a brief pause.

Ugh..

..It's agony hearing Roxanne like this - I can't get over it.. The strong and proud Roxanne, reduced to a mess who's just trying to keep her thoughts together..

It's gone on for far too long today, and it's starting to get to me.. It makes me scared that, one day, she won't be able to return to her normal loud abrasive self, and be stuck like this forever..

...

"I'm probably able to scrounge us up some plates." I reply, half-joking. "..On a good day, I may not break one in the process.."

"Maybe silverware, too.."

"Ambitious."

...

"Oh, U-Um.." Roxanne hums, glancing halfway over her shoulder. "Get cups too, if you're thirsty.. Um - you can pour us something to drink too, I didn't make anything special to drink.."

"I think water would do us some good."

"Water's fine for me.."

...

"Ice?"

"W-Where..?"

"..Do you want ice, I mean..?"

"Oh - for the water.." Roxanne mutters to herself, turning further to watch me open the cupboard with all the plates and whatnot.

"Yeah."

"Yes please."

"M'kay. uhm.." I trail off for a moment, making a choice. "..Is whatever we're eating something casual enough for paper plates, or do I bust out the ceramic stuff? There's m-"

- Thunk -

-.- "Mike?" -.-

Roxanne drops whatever she's holding on the counter, making a soft thunking sound as it falls all four or five inches from her hand to the tabletop.

I grimace while the chill goes down spine, immediately knowing damn well what Roxanne's so flabbergasted by.. I meant to bring it up when I walked out of the bathroom, but I couldn't find an opportunity to bring it up casually, so I guess this is the way things are gonna go..

...

"..Yeah.." I reply with a quiet, knowing mutter.

...

-.- "Mike- where is your arm?" -.-

...

"I.." I begin, lifting what remains of my right arm. "..I, ah.. Took it off.."

The stump is thoroughly and properly bandaged, but you can't even see that part with the sleeve loosely hanging and covering it up.

"You took the metal one *off?* Why..?! Where did you-..?" Turning the rest of her body toward me.

"It was intentional, I promise; I've been meaning to do it since we left Arin's.." I sheepishly chortle, trying to go on with grabbing plates like it's casual conversation. "..You didn't like it, so.. I figured I could resolve that by just, getting rid of it.."

...

I feel Roxanne's stare boring into the side of my head, despite my best efforts.

...

"..Mike- that's your arm..!"

"I know.."

"You can't just 'not have an arm' anymore, Michael. Can you put it back on..?" Roxanne badgers like an exasperated mother, speedwalking the four steps it takes to reach my side and taking hold of my stumpy right arm.

"Um.. Not conventionally.. But it's, uh.. right there.." I point back to a part of the counter I was at earlier. Atop that part of the island is my metal arm; detached and dysfunctional.

Roxanne turns her head to look at it, staring at it on the counter for a few moments before turning back to look me in my face.

" 'Michael'..! " She whisper-yells, reflexively gripping onto my arm tighter while she tries to express her disapproval.

"It's alright; it really isn't that bad.."

"How much worse does it get from 'losing a limb'..?!"

"I didn't lose it, I just 'took it off'. I can get a new one. One you're not mortified of.."

"Mike- you need your fucking arm to do your j-..!" Roxanne abruptly cuts herself off.

...

..For no obvious reason, Roxanne shuts herself up mid-sentence.. The air she had reserved for those words come out as a soft exhale while she stares at me with an emotion I can't quite pin down..

...

..Not expecting the arbitrary forfeit to our banter, I simply stare and wait for her to decide how to get her point across a different way, but she never does..

..The rapidly heating banter must've reminded her of the big angry 'fight' we had only a dozen or so minutes ago.. Roxanne's expression somewhat freezes when she stops talking, but over the course of about fourty seconds, it begins to morph into.. what I can only honestly describe as 'sadness'..

It's discontent, a longing for a different outcome.. Or maybe an appeal-to-emotion, where she's pleading to me through her expression to try reconsidering my choice one last time.. Though if it were the latter, I feel as if the expression I'd be receiving would be closer to 'pouting', as opposed to outright sadness..

...

Despite Roxanne interrupting her argument, neither of us have moved away from the close facial proximity associated with our usual banter sessions.. The unusually small distance between our faces allows me to see every single part of her pained, longing expression in excruciating detail; unintentionally making the interaction far more intimate as a result. It's as if the proximity allows me to literally feel the emotion radiating from her..

...

"I.. It won't be as bad as it sounds, Rox; really.. I might even be able to get Freddy to make me a new arm. Throw that on top of the stack of projects I've pushed onto him.."

...

Roxanne gently pushes off my shoulders, displacing herself a few inches backward.

"..Mike, I.. I don't like it this way.." She half-mumbles, though very much intends for me to hear her.

"..?"

...

"I do hate that thing, and it-.. it really means a lot to me that you're willing to get rid of it for me, but I d-.. I don't know, Mike.. I just don't like it this way.. I'd rather you have your arm.." Roxanne explains, a pout finally starting to form.

...

"I can get another one before all that long; it's really no trouble.."

"No- It will be trouble; even if it's just inconvenient.."

...

"Wolf.."

"Mike, I jus-.. I don't want to be responsible for you losing that arm again, okay..?" Roxanne whines.

"You wouldn't be; I'm removing it because of my actions, not yours."

"Okay - but you still wouldn't be getting rid of it if it wasn't for me being in the picture.."

"That's one hell of a stretch you're making just to hold yourself accountable.."

"I can't help it - it's how I feel.."

...

..Failing to figure out what else to say, I only stare back into Roxanne's eyes; hoping a solution will materialize out of thin air..

"..."

...

..Eventually, Roxanne seems to scoff at herself and tilt her head; a subtle depression creeping into her expression for only a moment.

"..I'm being difficult, aren't I.."

"No- you're fine, wolf. It's better that you're being honest.."

...

"..I should jus-.." Roxanne mutters under her breath, below the point where I can hear.

"..?"

...

"..Okay, Mike.." She suddenly concurs, taking a step backward; in the direction of the food she was preparing a moment ago. "..I'll stop - I'll let you do your thing.."

...

"..What..?" Is all I respond with, tempted to step forwards with her.

"You say you're fine, s-.. So I'm gonna let you be fine.."

...

..Um..

...

"..This seems like an artificial way to end this conversation; are you okay..?" I comment, referring to Roxanne's arbitrary decision to let me do whatever I want.

...

"I'm letting you prove me wrong; y-you're good at that.." Roxanne replies, turning back to the counter.

...

"..Look - I know what I said about staying calm and stable, but you're allowed to fight with me on things. You don't have to just do whatever I say.."

"I know; that's not what I mean.."

...

..Without so much as another word, Roxanne's working on the food again; and I'm left wondering what that interaction just there even means..

...

..man..

…

There we go..

...

Huff..

I bend down and reach behind my desk, feeling around for a pen I remember dropping back there no less than a week ago..

...

..Well.. I don't feel a pen anywhere back here, so now I'm starting to wonder where the hell it could have de-materialized to after rolling off..

...

- crreakk -

...

I stop moving when my bedroom door creaks, waiting for another noise to follow up and give me some info..

..But one never comes..

...

Extra careful not to bonk my head on the bottom of the desk as I look back up, I bonk my head on the bottom of the desk, and look back up.

It should come as no surprise to see who awaits me there..

...

"Hey, wolf.." I acknowledge, my attempt at sounding casual coming off as dry. "..I told you I'd be back down in less than a minute; I'm just dropping off my keys and whatnot up here."

...

"I know, I just-.." Roxanne struggles to reply, taking two steps through my doorway and into my room. "..There wasn't anything else for me to do down there, so I just.. thought I'd follow along.."

"..If you say so.." I exhale, pushing myself up to a stand. "You cleaned the stuff you used in the kitchen already?"

...

Roxanne looks away, as if slightly uncomfortable.

...

"Well, no, but-.. Um - sorry.. I was gonna do that later; I don't really feel like it right now.."

"That's fine.. Y'know - I wouldn't mind doing them if you wanted to get rest for the remainder of the evening."

...

"..You don't have t-.. I can, um-.." Roxanne tries, but fails, to reassure me that she can handle them.

...

..I'm not quite sure how to describe the air in here.. The cadence of our conversation seems awkward, but that just doesn't seem like the right word to describe how we feel..

...

"Oh - Thank you for the food, if I haven't said that already." I state earnestly, trying to shift the topic somewhere else while I lean on the back of my desk chair. "I'm not sure I've ever had someone make something for me here, so it was a nice."

...

"..I mean- It wasn't hard to make, it was just-"

"I know it was simple, but I wasn't expecting anything, simple or not. So, any effort you put in was a nice surprise.."

...

Roxanne folds her hands in front of her, (an incredibly uncommon and uncharacteristically courteous thing for her to do), gazing down at the floor at my feet as if thinking about what I said..

..But she thinks about it for longer than it should reasonably take.. So now I'm beginning to think she's cross referencing it with something else..

...

I extend my arm, pushing myself partway off the back of my chair and preparing to slide it under my desk's leg space where it belongs.

"I don't know how late you intend on staying up, but don't stress about struggling to fall asleep at a good time tonight. Nothing on the agenda tomorrow, you can sleep in however long you like." I reassure, doing my best to fill the silence.

...

..My words seem to bounce right off of her.. Guess she's a little too deep in thought to accept more input..

...

..ugh..

I know I've already mentioned it before, but I just can't get over how disheartening to see Roxanne like this.. The sassy, feisty, sarcastic wolf is nowhere to be found; all that's left is this stuttering mess of insecurity..

...

..But then, as Roxanne finishes up her train of thought, her expression begins to dampen again; as if she's forcing herself to recall an unpleasant memory..

She looks back up at me, hiding a grimace. Once again, something's starting to eat at her..

..Despite my instincts, I don't try to snap her out of it.. Instead, I simply sit still and wait to hear what it is she's thinking about..

...

"..You're just h-hiding it, aren't you.." Roxanne quietly accuses; her voice once again reflecting a sense of growing instability.

...

"..Hiding what?"

"You're being all gentle, playing the role of 'comforter' as if *you're* completely okay.. Acting like nothing I said to you when I got mad actually means anything to you, but it does - I know it does.. You're just pretending.."

...

"..Ah.." I hum, admittedly taken aback by how thought out this callout is..

"I can tell.. I 'know' you, Mike; at least a little bit.. I-I know what your mind does to you when shit like this happens.." Roxanne quietly huffs, walking a bit further into my bedroom until she reaches a more reasonable conversation distance. "..I-.. I said a lot, Mike - I know something I said still oscillating in that brain of yours, and is doing damage.. Y-You're just good at hiding it.."

...

"I'm doing alright, wolf. I mean that.."

"But I'm not 'wrong', am I?"

"There's noth-"

"No - M-Mike, if I'm wrong, then tell me. If there really is *nothing* bothering you about what I said, then tell me that. Right now.. Say 'I'm not still thinking about something you said'.."

"Rox.."

"Just do it.." Roxanne huffs, utterly failing to appear annoyed through her soft and remorseful tone. "..If this is the truth, then tell me I didn't hurt you with something I said.."

...

I reflexively look to the side, unable to maintain eye contact while my silence speaks volumes I don't wish for her to hear..

"..."

...

"..I told you.." Roxanne whisper-bites, but the venom isn't targeted towards me.. "..Y-You *are* just pretending.."

"..."

...

"I-I-.."

"Wolf, I really am alright; I'm just-.." I try to defend, falling short of words.

...

"Mike - I-I'm 'sorry'.." Roxanne huffs, a little whiny and frustrated. "I really didn't mean anything I said, I-I was just so fucking mad at myself for not being able to do the one thing I promised you I could handle on my own, and all that-"

"That's not all you were upset about.." I interrupt, slightly monotone.

...

"N.. No, Mike - listen. I-.."

"..."

...

"Don't, Mike - come on.." Roxanne weakly whines, as if trying to convince me not to do something.

"I haven't even said anything yet.." I somberly joke.

"You're going to say that I *did* mean something I said, but I-.. I'm telling you - I didn't.. I didn't think about anything I was saying, I was just saying words.."

...

"Well.." I hum, unsure how to go about this.

"Mike?"

...

"..Yeah.. I do think you meant most of what you said.." I sheepishly chuckle, scratching the back of my head..

"No, Mike - I didn't..! I-I didn't..!" Roxanne quickly resorts to desperately defending herself from my claim, speedwalking the remaining distance across bedroom to reach me; the two of us now only separated by this chair I'm half leaning on.

"I mean - it's more complicated than that, I know, but-"

"Mike, I *didn't..!*"

"Wait, wait, alright, calm down.." I reflexively raise my hands in defense (despite only having one of them..), doing a poor job at soothing the animal threatening to start having a mental breakdown again.

"I..! Mike..!" Roxanne reluctantly keeps a semblance of control over herself, though doesn't refrain herself from reaching over the chair and lightly grabbing the midsection of my shirt to keep me from wandering back any further. "I-I don't know what else I can possibly tell you..! I swear, Michael..! I d-didn't, I promise..!"

"I know, I know; just hold on a moment.."

...

Surprisingly, that works.. Roxanne doesn't let go, but she simply stares up at me from where she's bent over the chair and regulates her breathing in the background.

..I'm sure Roxanne doesn't like being told to simmer down, no one does. I know it always feels kinda degrading to hear.. So, I appreciate the effort..

...

"..Alright, maybe we should probably talk this through properly.." I admit, lowering my hands.

Roxanne doesn't do anything other than continue to look at me, but I can tell she concurs by the look in here eye.

"..."

...

"Here - do you want to sit on the bed..?" I offer, gesturing to the bed a few feet from the chair we're around.

..The cogs in Roxanne's head spin, but I see a speck of resolve in her eyes while she comes up with some terms.

...

"I..If I'm sitting on the bed, then you're sitting there too.."

"..Well- I was going to sit in this chair so we could kinda face each other while we talked, but I don't mind sitting on the b-"

"Mike, I-I'm not letting go of you until I know you're going to stay.." Roxanne interjects, making her position on the matter clear..

I'm a little taken aback by what she said. Not quite insulted, but..

…

"..Rox, I.. I'm not going anywhere – I wouldn't just leave you here alone at a time like this, you know that.."

"I don't care what y-you think I have to worry about.."

...

"Alright. Sure.."

The moment she gets confirmation, Roxanne leans back and uses her body weight to semi-gently tug me along with her to the foot of my bed.

..M'kay..

...

..Get your deep breaths in now while you still can, Michael..

...

I lean my back against the headboard of my bed, giving up my efforts of trying to figure out how Roxanne wants me positioned and letting her manually move my limbs like a doll.

Roxanne's on her knees in the middle of the bed, leaning and hovering over me so she can properly position me to accomplish whatever it is she's trying to get.

...

"..When I said 'sitting on the bed', I meant actually sitting and using it like a couch." I comment, watching Rox hover my arm mid-air and gesture for me to leave it there.

"It's fine.. You are sitting.." She replies dismissively, crawling a nudge closer to get better control.

"I meant it wasn't supposed to be this ceremonious, just sitting on the bed.. And this isn't what I'd recognize as sitting upright.."

"You don't need to sit upright.."

"Do I need to sit at a 120 degree angle?"

"You'll be comfier this way anyway, shut up.. Lay your legs out straight.."

...

"I could fall asleep like this." I comment, attempting to make a lighthearted bit of dialogue amidst Roxanne's serious attitude..

"Don't."

"M'kay then.."

...

..Well that was a bust..

...

"Don't lay your arm across your body like that - it'll get in the way.."

"Rox - I could probably help out here if you told me what you're trying to accomplish."

"It's fine - I'm finished anyway, I just-.." Roxanne fails to finish, scooting back an inch and sitting upright on her knees atop the bed; staring down at me with a fatigued melancholic glare.

"..?"

...

"..I just-.. need to feel okay for a couple minutes; that's all I need.. Just until my head stops hurting.."

...

"Is how I'm sitting going to help resolve that in some way..?"

"come on, Mike- it's just the same shit we usually do.." Roxanne huffs, abruptly falling forward on her hands and crawling a small ways over me.

"What..? Oh - like what we do on your couch at the Pizzapl-?"

- Thunk -

Some hidden remnant of her ego still intact, Roxanne takes the inelegant path and headbutts my chest to shut me up, before letting the rest of her body gently fall on top of mine; burying her face in my abdomen.

..Despite having done this numerous times at the Pizzaplex, it takes me a bit off guard, consequentially meaning it takes me a few seconds to accommodate.

...

..Alright..

Just as I begin to accept my role, I feel Roxanne's hands quickly slither between my back and the bed's headboard. It's not unusual - she does this just about every time we rest, so intuition tells me to hold my own arm up to make it easier for the arms to wrap around my back and begin applying pr-

...

I.. sorry, I wasn't expecting that to..

…

...

..Um- as expected, Roxanne did her normal thing and wrapped her arms behind my back to start informally 'hugging', for lack of a better word.. There was nothing special about it - the only thing I can say is different is that Roxanne's holding on a bit tighter than usual; like how someone would hug a pillow or plushie to their face..

..But right when she begins squeezing, something strange happened. It was like circuit wires connecting with a powerful click..

..It's only occurring to me now that we haven't done this in.. a while.. not since the morning of Cooper's death..

I kind of forgot what it felt like..

A serene sensation smothering the air, like a chiropractor cracking a weary spine back into place.. The reaction unknowingly causes my muscles to let go of their tension, and enter rest; like how your body feels in bed as you teeter on the edge of sleep.. The abrupt feeling of my body entering a 'recovery mode' is enough to stun me for a moment; staring soundlessly into my empty bedroom as the sensation smothers my entire body in an odd form of peaceful bliss..

...

..Sheesh..

...

..I'm positive Roxanne felt it, too.. In fact, judging by what I can see of her reaction, I think the relief that washed over her was much stronger than the one I just experienced.. It's like the sensation took her by so much surprise that it caused her to freeze..

...

We've positioned ourselves like this countless times by now, and I'll admit it's always made me feel some degree of peaceful and relaxed, but I don't think we've felt anything quite like this.. It's like that usual feeling was multiplied by.. I don't even know - dozens.. Why was it so strong? What did we do differently..?

...

I guess a lot's happened since we last had a rest together.. So much to test the strength of our minds in such a short span of time.. Tests we didn't always pass..

..Comfort has been in high demand, and short supply..

...

Mm..

Forcing myself to get a grip on reality again, I finally glance down at the wolf on top of me.

...

..I can't see her expression since her face is still buried in my midsection, but I don't think I need to..

Roxanne still hasn't overcome the shock of the blissful sensation that washed over us.. Whatever I'm feeling, she must be feeling threefold..

...

..With what I can only describe as a moan, Roxy squeezes her arms around me tighter still, further smothering her face into my chest like she's trying to be absorbed up into it..

Despite feeling the urge to comment, I remain silent, and let her lavish in the serenity for a while longer.

...

"..o..o-oohhhhh my goddd.." Roxanne muffles into my shirt, squeezing tighter.

..Don't laugh..

…

"..You okay..?"

...

"..ohhh.. my f-fucking godddddddd.." Roxanne moans again, her voice suddenly shaky and threatening to break at any given syllable.

"Rox- are you about to cry again..?"

"shut up, mike - you don't know how this f-feels.."

...

..Over the course of a minute, Roxanne stabilizes herself, and rests among the peace..

"oh my 'god'.."

...

Shortly after, however, I feel her hands ball to fists behind my back, and an air of resolve seems to manifest.. Like something about this feeling has pushed her to make a choice, or reinforce a value..

...

"I-.. 'Mike'." Roxanne interrupts my thoughts entirely to call my name in a semi-threatening manner.

"..?"

...

"I am, *never*, letting you go."

"Wolf.."

"We will stay here like this until the end of time if we have to, I don't care." Roxanne explains coldly, without single shred of sarcasm or gentleness in her voice. No doubt expressing that I don't have a choice in the matter..

"..."

...

" *This*.. is why I will *never* let you leave.. I will *never* let you take this away, no matter how hard you fight.."

"..."

...

"'You.. are *mine*.."

"..."

"..and mine, *alone*.."

...

..I let my head fall back and rest on the headboard, nothing to say..

...

..Every situation we find ourselves in is somehow always more insane than the last.. Not even an hour ago she was quite possibly the angriest she's ever been at me.. Hell, it was something else entirely..

Words keep spilling outta her even now, and at this point, I'm not sure what to do with them..

...

As I stare up at my ceiling, my thoughts begin to swirl into peaceful currents..

...

..There's.. a discord between Roxanne and me..

It's why Roxy chose to sleep in her own guest bedroom here, instead of resting with me like we always did at the Pizzaplex.. A small but existent rift..

...

That day Cooper died, there was just so much.. Roxanne watched me tear myself apart, she skewered my eyes, I held her up by the throat; she learned everything I've been hiding from her..

..So, despite Roxanne's efforts to keep me around, we-...

...

..Our relationship was damaged that day..

It wasn't enough to break us, but it was hurt.. It still hurts.. Damage that was done there exists today.. Roxanne struggled to be comfortable around me for a while after everything, and I was constantly second guessing keeping her around with me..

...

..But maybe this right here is proof..

...

People are weak until they are hurt.. Muscles don't grow stronger until they're damaged.. An immune systems only get smarter after being attacked..

..And the fortitude of a bond will only grow unbreakable after something tries to break it..

...

Struggle begets strength.. Only after being challenged do living things know how to resist challenge..

..So, if Roxanne and I can just figure out how to recover from all this.. maybe there exists a silver lining to everything after all..

..Something that'll let me keep this feeling..

..Whatever the hell it is..

...

"..Roxanne.."

...

"..Mnn.." Roxanne defiantly mumbles into my chest. My tone must've given away what I want to talk about.

...

"..I don't even know where to start.."

"Then don't.. I told you I didn't mean anything - that's all that matters."

"Come on, wolf." I somberly chortle. "You know there's more to it.."

...

"..You're still so cold.." Roxanne mutters, unknowingly nestling into my ribs some.

"I know, sorry.. I'm a little surprised you even enjoy being like this without the warmth."

"No, I like it."

...

"..Really?" I ask, not hiding the skepticism in my voice.

"It's an acquired taste."

"My temperature?"

"Yes.. I dunno - I don't remember caring for it at first, but it grew on me.."

...

Roxanne stirs, shifting her head and setting it back down on my chest in an orientation that lets her stare up into my eyes. The snout protruding from her face fits almost comically well into my sternum; the divot between my ribs going up my chest.

...

"What's there to like about it..?"

"Maybe it's something about being the only one who gets to experience it.. I know it's stupid, but everyone else who does this feels heat, while I get the only person who feels cold. Makes me feel special."

"You're special alright.. You know, a pessimist might see that as 'unfair' instead of unique." I half-sarcastically comment.

"I don't care what a pessimist thinks. I like it. It's got novelty points.."

"I guess that's better than the alternative.. 'Novelty points'?"

"It's just poetic.. In stories it's always something like 'basking in his warmth', but not with you.. Instead, it's like I'm 'basking in your cold' or something.."

"..Mm.."

"I 'unno. It doesn't have the same ring to it, but you know what I mean." Roxanne concludes, gently lifting her head an inch or so off my chest to communicate that she's enjoying our talk.

...

"..Well.. I'll just have to take your word on that, 'cause you're still plenty warm.." I state plainly, resting my head back against the headboard and fighting the urge to close my eyes.

"ew.. Yeah - you're welcome; try not to think about it too much.."

"Sorry.."

Despite everything, Roxanne quietly chuckles at my response.. An ominous, but surefire sign that she's recovered a generous portion of her stability and personality in the time we've been like this.

"I'm just fucking with you. I'm glad you like it." Roxy assures, resting her snout back on my sternum.

"Mm.. I'm not even all that receptive to temperature in specific with my nerves as fried as they are, so you must be pretty damn warm."

"Might you say 'Hot'?"

"Not as hot as the sun you're flying awfully close to."

"Ha, fine." Roxanne contently hums, letting her eyes rest once again. "..But yeah - I have fur, and it does it's job. I can spare some its functionality every once in a while."

"How generous."

"Don't complain, it's symbiotic. I recharge you with my warmth, and you revitalize me with your chill."

"..You're weird."

"You're worse, purple man."

With a subtle snicker to myself, I relax and let my mind wander a bit in the comfortable silence.

...

..Once again, a sense of responsibility surfaces in the back of my skull.. It's a bit of a buzzkill, but it's necessary nonetheless..

...

..Words resurface from my memory, as if reminding me why we're here..

-._.-. ' -Even though you're so terrible, I'm still nothing to you! I don't even hold a fucking candle to you! ' .-._.-

-._.-. ' You know what it's like to be so much worse than the worst?! To be so far below the lowest?! It tears me apart, Mike! It's fucking torture! I can't handle it, but I'm forced to, because I'm dependent on you! ' .-._.-

-._.-. ' Do you see this fucking awful way I'm kept under your thumb..?! The way you keep me down to this hellish low all the time?! ' .-._.-

...

..Sigh..

...

"..Roxanne.."

"Hm?"

...

"..I don't really know what to say.. 'I'm sorry', I guess.. I wish I had more to defend myself, but y'know.." I poorly apologize, knowing perfectly well how pointless it is in a situation like this.

...

Roxanne opens her eyes and stares blankly into my chest for a moment, before tilting her head up to meet my gaze.

...

"What are you talking about..?"

"I mean how I always made you feel belittled by saying things like I-"

"No, Mike - I didn't mean that."

...

I look down at her, crestfallen.

"..Wolf.."

"I didn't - I was just-.." Roxanne insists, pushing herself up a bit.

...

"..Rox, I can't convince myself that you made something like that up on the fly.."

"What do you mean..?"

...

"I mean- You talk about it as if you chose words at random, and that's just how they happened to fall out; but every thought you had was just a little too developed.. I can't tell myself nothing you said meant anything without it feeling like an excuse.."

"..No- but you saw how mad I was. I would never have been able to think clear enough to decide things like that."

"Right, but.. You didn't necessarily have to make those decisions right then.."

...

Roxanne pushes up off of me until she's practically hovering over me on her hands and knees, eyes locked on mine..

...

"..Mike- What are you saying..?"

...

Mm.. I might be digging myself an icy grave..

...

..But, despite the noose around my neck, the only right path here is to answer truthfully..

...

"..Well, I.. I think it makes more sense that you didn't reach all those conclusions while you were upset at me, and have instead been thinking about them for a while now.."

Roxanne stares at me for a moment, comprehending what my words mean..

...

"Wh-?! Michael!" Roxanne snaps, jolting the rest of the way upright. Incredibly offended by what I just said.

"Listen, I just think-"

"Mike- I do not just sit around and think about how shitty you are behind your back..! If I have a problem, I'd talk to you about it - you know that..!"

"Woah woah - alright, I get it; stay calm for me.."

...

..Roxanne regains her composure, but the accusation still has her shaking her head a little.

"No, I would never-.. I really didn't mean anything I said. I don't secretly think about how much I 'hate you' or anything.. Why do you think I'd-..?"

"Look- I don't think 'secret' is a good word for it. Maybe it was just a subconscious thing; finally putting words alongside how you feel in the moment.. I don't know, but I'm almost positive those words came from somewhere, and I don't want to ignore that.."

"Why-..? Why do you listen so intently to what I said in a blind fit of anger, but then won't listen to what I'm telling you right now..?" Roxanne frustratingly asks through an exasperated exhale.

"It's complicated; I know I'm being difficult, but.."

"I didn't mean it.. I don't know what else I'm supposed to say - that's the truth.."

"I think it 'came from somewhere', not necessarily that you meant it.."

"Stop it.."

...

"..Look, I'm sorry, but even thinking about it from a logical perspective, it just makes sense that you'd feel that way after a while.. I don't know why it never occurred to me - I think it j-"

"Stop."

- nf..? -

...

Roxanne, briefly overcome with some kind of exasperation, takes advantage of the fact that I only have one arm to work with, and holds it still while her other hand simply covers my mouth.

..Naturally, I stop my attempts at communicating, and simply stare at her.

...

"I.. I'm tired of hearing what you 'think' today, Mike, it-.." Roxanne stutters, not overreacting but simply failing to find the words fast enough. "..You think I've been thinking awful things about you, you think I hid some deeper meaning in everything I said, you think you deserve so much worse even though I'm the one who should be sorry for freaking the fuck out on you - It's all just.. Every time you say 'I think', it's followed up by something horrible.. No more.. Stop thinking.."

...

..Of course, not even a half minute later and Roxanne starts to see how unreasonable she's being, and the force behind her hands dramatically decreases without fully lowering from my mouth or arm. Her eyes grow heavier, and she tilts her head a bit..

...

"..-sigh-.. I'm sorry, Mike; I know I'm doing something stupid, but.."

...

"I'm just scared of your thoughts, Mike - scared of what you 'think' about anything.. It's always something I have to fight, and I'm just so damn tired.." Roxanne laments, letting her hand fall limply from my mouth.

...

I don't try to say anything immediately after being granted the freedom to; instead taking a moment to change perspectives.

...

..Maybe she's right..

...

"..Alright.. Well, what do 'you' think..?" I ask, following a brief silence.

..Roxanne continues to stare down at me like an alien..

...

"..What?"

"..Maybe you're right - I judge things a little too often just on what I think.. What do you think?"

...

"I already told you what I think - I've been telling you that I didn't mean anything I said when I was mad.."

..I stare up into her eyes, looking for more..

...

"..Rox, what do you really think?"

...

Despite how seemingly pointless my sentence was, Roxy was slightly taken aback by it.

...

"..What do you mean 'what do I really think'?"

"You told me in the kitchen that you took some time and got all your thoughts in order."

Roxanne's eyes subtly fade in and out of focus as she recalls the conversation, and the thing she said immediately after..

...

"..I just-.."

...

"You said you had a lot you wanted to tell me.."

"..."

"..And you haven't said a lot yet, so.."

Roxanne turns her head a few degrees, breaking eye contact as ache in her expression starts to develop.

"..."

"..I'm wondering if you have yet to tell me what you really think.."

...

..Another thought crosses my mind while I wait for Roxanne to decide if she can tell me what she thinks..

...

"..If you're holding something back because you're afraid it might upset me, don't.. I don't care if it sounds mean, Rox. Hurt my feelings if you have to. That might be the only way you'll get something to change."

"I don't 'want' to hurt your feelings..!" Roxanne briefly outbursts, looking down at me for only a moment before she looks back to the side. "..Everything going on has been a toll on you too, Mike - I know it has. I-I don't want to make that worse.. 'Cause if you end up like me, we're both fucked.."

...

"..I understand, but I'd rather do what's right than keep doing what makes me happy.. So now that I know I'm doing something wrong, it's going to eat at me until you tell me.."

"Mike- don't people do what's right because that means people'll be happier in the end?" Roxanne argues, frustrated with my insisting.

"Um.. I like to think that's always the result of doing the right thing, but.. No, that's not the exact reason.." I struggle to explain, scratching my brain for an answer. "..It's a little more complicated set of feelings other than just 'happy'.."

"..That doesn't help very m-"

"Just be mean, wolf. Let it out."

...

"I-I don't *want* to be mean, there are betters ways of handling issues like-"

"Look, I care about you.. You're one of the values I hold close to my heart, and you know that.." I state flatly, making Roxanne look down at me like I'm insane as I re-orient myself to sit up straighter.

"..What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't say that while we're trying to-"

"So, if you really care about me, Roxanne.. You will tell me what you think is best for me, regardless of if it's mean or not.."

"I-..!"

...

..That got her..

...

"..Tell me what you really think, wolf.."

...

"F.. Fine, just-.." Roxy fails to finish, dramatically looking away from me as she finally lets the words in her head find form.

...

..Roxanne crosses her arms while I sit more upright against the headboard, maybe as a subtle way of hugging herself as her fortitude begins to crumble to the dreaded sorrow in her eyes..

...

"Mike, I-.."

"..."

...

..Roxanne looks back down at me..

When she turns her head, she shows me her eyes.. They're misty again, staring down at me with a hurtful pout.. Roxanne isn't losing her mind this time, this sadness coloring her face is every bit the real her.. The words will have carefully thought out meaning behind them, not just rage..

...

"We've been through so much together now, right..? You *see* how hard I've been trying; you know how much this all means to me.. Y-.. You know how much 'you' mean to me.. I 'know' you do.. You've seen how hard I fight for you; nothing I say can hide that.."

"..?"

...

"..b-but no matter how hard i try, you never think i-i'm 'worth it'.."

...

..I..

…

..That..

..That kind of hurt.. That kind of hurt to hear..

…

..That hurt..

...

"..N.. No, Roxanne, I-.."

"I'm just-.. I'm just not 'good enough'.." Roxanne painstakingly murmurs, looking down and to the side to avoid eye contact. "..I can't do anything - I always fail, and you're always there to watch.. Every time I fall, I make you catch me. A-And when I do, I'm proving to both of us that I'm just not g-good enough.."

"..I-.. Wolf.."

"I used to think it was your fault.. I-I though that it was always your whimsical nonsense that made it so I couldn't handle myself.. Your past, your 'condition', the robots, the deaths - It always got in the way. It always forced me into some absurd scenario - some stupid challenge that I couldn't overcome by myself.."

".."

"..But nothing's *g-getting* in the way anymore.." Roxanne whimpers, talking to herself.. "..s-so why do i keep failing..? w-why am i still not 'good enough'..?"

...

..She sinks deeper into herself, forsaken..

...

"i-i don't even want to be enough for 'e-everybody' anymore.. t-that's too hard.."

"..."

"i just want to be e-enough for 'you'.."

...

..How-..

..What am I-..? How do I even begin to respond to hat..?

...

..The longer I fail to find an excuse or justification, the more the ache in my heart spreads, filling my entire chest with an icy dejection..

I let my gaze fall from Roxanne, lowering until I'm staring mindlessly at the edge of the bed-frame, searching my mind for anything I can use..

...

..Roxanne's weight shifts, along with the soft rustle of the bed covers.. I don't see it happen, but I know she's turned her head back down to look at me..

...

"..that 'did' hurt you to hear, didn't it..?" Roxy asks half-rhetorically.. In the silence, she's had the time to get a hold over herself and fight away the emotional reactions.. Roxanne's no longer stuttering, and her voice has calmed to express a smooth melancholic sympathy..

...

"..yeah.." I quietly reply, painfully forcing myself to recognize a few patterns.

...

"..aww.. mike.." She bends towards me, trying to get my attention by reaching for the side of my face. "..It's 'okay'.. I'm sorry. I didn't want that to happen, but.."

"No – don't be sorry, it.. .It was necessary. I.. Yeah, I probably.. needed to hear this.. You did nothing wrong.."

"No, Mike; I don't care.. You're hurting because of what I said, so I'm sorry.."

...

"..I.. I probably should've been able to tell, but.. I wasn't aware of how bad it was.." I note out loud, staring off into space.

"It's okay, it's perfectly okay.." Roxanne insists, honestly and earnestly trying to reassure me.

"This isn't-.. How is this okay..?"

"Because I'm 'telling' you that it is, Mike.. I'm the one you're feeling sorry for, so listen to me.. If I say it's okay, it's 'okay'.."

...

..Skepticism refusing to let this make sense, I plead for Roxanne to tell me the truth with my gaze.. But no matter how hard I challenge her words, each and every response I glean from her facial expression is that she's serious..

It hurts, and she's vulnerable, but she looks.. better..

..But that doesn't make sense..

...

"..Roxanne, I-.. Nothing was resolved - I didn't promise I could make those feelings go away or anything. Nothing changed to be 'okay'.."

"You didn't need to.. 'I' needed to change something, and I did.."

"What..? No - what could you have possibly changed in the last three minutes to make it all better?"

"I needed to tell you the truth, Mike.. A-And I did.."

...

"I-.. Wolf, you-.." I fail to speak out, wanting to ask her millions of questions about.. nothing..

Lost in the impact of her lament, thousands of words gather in my throat, but they simply won't align together to make sense..

...

"..How stupid was I.." Roxanne rhetorically asks, moving her hands to make sure they're completely our of the way of our sustained eye contact. "..I always told you that we keep falling apart because you kept secrets from me, and then I went and started hiding things from 'you'.. Hiding some hard feelings that surfaced 'because' of you, no less.. So of course it all fell apart again.."

".."

...

"But I eventually figured it out, you see..? I told you the truth, and look at us now.." She somberly chimes, flashing a painful reassuring smile(..?) "..I 'fixed' it.. Just like you always do.."

...

..I can't think of a way to respond..

My head starts to droop lower, falling deeper into my thoughts.

...

"..I'm not sure what to say.."

"That's okay. I'm just happy you listened.."

...

"..I.. I'm sorry for making you feel so helpless."

"It's okay."

"I never would've thought that I'd be hurting your sense of independency by saying stuff about myself; I hardly even put any thought into those words, they were just casual conversation for me.."

"Enough." Roxanne decides, gently placing her hand below my chin. "It's okay, I promise.. Look at me.."

..Despite not feeling any desire to look up at her, I put no effort into resisting Roxanne's efforts to lift my chin until I'm meeting her eyes.

...

"..where did this side of you come from..?" I mutter, as lighthearted as I can be at a time like this.. "..When did you develop such a maternal way of reassuring someone..?"

"I'm just doing what feels right, Mike."

"Ha.. and you told me you'd be a bad mother.."

"..."

...

Roxanne looks right past my attempts at comedic relief, staring straight into my soul with those vulnerable eyes until the facade of humor chips away from my face..

...

..I wonder if.. this is the result of another one of her mood swings..

...

"S..Sometimes it feels like there's no end to what I put you through.. I don't understand why you still tolerate it all for my sake.." I admit, as clear as I can.

"Because you're 'worth it' to me."

"How can I be worth-.."

"Don't bother, Mike. You are worth it. Nothing you can say to me will ever change that - you are worth it to me. You will always be worth it to me."

..I'm just not prepared to hear those words; not in a scenario like this..

They're so kind; so gentle..

...

It just makes it hurt worse..

...

...

...

..From the depths of my memory, I hear Roxanne's voice call out to me once again from her fit of rage from earlier..

...

-._.-. " I hate you..! I HATE you! Mike! " .-._.-

-._.-. "Do you hear me?! I hate you! " .-._.-

-._.-. "Are you fucking listening to me!? I HATE you! .-._.-

...

…

..My eyes stay locked on hers, but I feel my stare losing its focus..

A question I'm afraid of asking begins to churn in my vocal chords..

...

"..Do you hate me, Roxanne..?"

...

..Roxanne's slightly taken aback for a moment, but she doesn't respond..

...

As time passes, Roxanne's expression begins to wash over with pain as the voices going through my head inevitably go back through hers. My question cycles through her mind, conjuring up all the negative emotions she's felt in recent times.

An agonizing hurt fills her eyes as they begin to water again.. She tilts her head a bit, but nothing more..

...

"..No, Mike.."

"..."

...

"..N..Not a-anymore.."

...

- flumf -

..She's wrapped around me, before she can break down entirely..

Not like we were doing before - not some effortless means of generating comfort or stability for ourselves.

Simply a hug. Something common; familiar to everybody.

...

..A hug.. symbolizes acceptance..

A primitive method of communication that relies on the moment to reflect intimacy, security, and affection..

A hug indicates support. Comfort.. Consolation..

...

..Particularly when words are insufficient..

...

..I only have the one arm, but perhaps it's the principle that matters..

I wrap it around, hugging her back.

The moment I do, something breaks. Roxanne releases a breath she's been holding in for god-knows how long, and with it, the barriers keeping the waterworks at bay also begin to crumble.

..And even they do, we remain in place..

...

...

...

..What even is this..?

What are we communicating?

...

Is this forgiveness? Acceptance? ..Are we simply showing each other affection..? Comfort..?

Is this a promise to change..? An apology..? A yearning for a happier time we once shared..?

Are we happy..? Are we sad..? ..Is this the good ending..?

..Is it just a connection..?

...

..I don't know..

...

..But whatever it is we're sharing here, it's familiar.. I've felt it hundreds of times, maybe even thousands..

..It's something beaten, and worn..

And it has every right to be.. The weight of the world has been crushing down on it since it was formed.. It's been desecrated, scorned, and so very abused - sapped of all its strength and stomped into the dirt. Always just on the cusp of irreparably shattering into a million tiny bloodstained pieces..

...

..But it won't..

..No matter how bad the damage gets, it just won't..

...

It's been almost unrecognizably beaten, bloodied, and warped..

..But it isn't broken.

It still isn't broken..

...

So neither are we.

...

...

"My back's starting to kill me, wolf - please.."

Roxanne defiantly - "mrph" -'s, burying herself further into my ribcage.

...

..Eventually, and I mean eventually, we went back to how we were laying around before..

Roxanne's in a much better mood now, and so am I. Not everything is resolved, but.. it doesn't all need to be. Not right now.

...

..While I do mean that Roxanne's in a better mood, I'm starting to think that, now that we've talked about the way I was making her feel, her frustration towards how I've unintentionally been treating her are coming out in the form of particularly harsh banter, or physical tomfoolery.

...

"You're making an awful lot of use out of the fact that I only have one arm.." I drone.

"You took it off for me. I get to reap the rewards."

"Let me sit a bit lower, at least.."

With a violently discontent exhale, Roxanne lifts her head from my chest and burns holes into my eyes for a few seconds.

...

"Do it fast." Roxanne demands, lifting most of her weight off me for only a moment.

Very well..

...

"..Oo, yeah. All good. That's better.." I comment via a satisfied sigh.

"Jesus Christ, Mike - it was not that bad." Roxanne insists, harshly pressing herself back on top of me and burying herself away in my ribs.

"It was that bad - you won't let me get up, and it's been.. Hell if I know anymore- hours?"

"I've been here too, and I'm fine."

"You haven't played the part of 'pillow' all this time.."

" 'Cause I can't keep you here if we're switched around."

"I wouldn't-"

"It's been a pretty bad fuckin' day for me, Mike. I get what I want for the rest of the day, and that's all the reason you need."

Mnn..

...

..She's also pulled 'that' card no less than fifteen times already, but it's hard to defend from my position.

"Mm.."

...

"Bet you're sick of me saying that, huh?" Roxanne coyly chimes, changing the orientation of her head on my chest to look up at me.

"Not the worst thing you've abused today.." I reply, eyeing the empty sleeve on the right side of my body.

"Mm~." She happily hums, lowering her head to rest her snout in my sternum again; staring up into my eyes in a world of her own.

...

"You're somehow warmer than you were before.." I comment, getting ignored entirely.

...

"You're easier to handle without an arm." Roxanne helpfully notes.

"I'm gonna need you to tone it back a notch, wolf."

"Talk about something, then."

"..Talk about what?"

"Whatever. Just carry a conversation with me, like we've been doing."

...

"I'm better at starting conversations based on what's relative; not just picking a topic at random.."

"Think of something. It'll make the time go faster for you anyway, 'cause I'm still pretty damn far from wanting to get up."

"You're a pain."

Roxanne chortles, doubling down on resting her weary head on my chest and letting the tension release from her muscles.

...

"Hey.." Roxy politely asks for my attention, which is a worryingly tame behavior for her.

"..Yes?"

...

"You made a joke a while back about flying close to the sun or something, and it got me thinkin'."

"..?"

"Can you tell me the story behind Icarus?"

...

I stare back into her eyes for a while, not entirely sure what to make of such a request.

...

"..Uhm- well, if you're talking about the old woman Icarus that I met at the Pizzaplex, then I'm afraid I don't know a whole lot.. She knows Arin from something he was in a while ago, but that's as much as I can tell you; Arin's history isn't really my story to tell."

"Mm. Well good to know, Mike, but." Roxanne starts, lifting one of her hands to boop my nose like I just did something stupid or cute. "I mean the real Icarus."

...

..Technically, that woman's more real than the original Icarus ever was, but I'm gonna get called a douchebag if I say that..

"..Mm.. You've never heard the story of Icarus..? You seem to know a lot more cultural stories than I ever would have guessed with how sheltered you've been at the Pizzaplex; I'm surprised this isn't one of them."

"I know references to him, and how he flew too close to the sun, but that's all."

"Huh.."

...

"Frankly, Mike, I just wanna hear your voice, so start saying something." Roxanne huffs.

"..You are never just 'flattering' are you - you've always gotta sandwich it in an insult or demand.."

"Come on."

"Fine." I exhale, letting my head fall back and rest on the headboard. "..I'm not the most educated when it comes to old stories like these, so don't take it all to heart.."

"Mhm." Roxanne mindlessly agrees, resting her eyes.

...

"Daedalus is Icarus's father. Daedalus did something bad, he got charged with murder for it, and he had to take refuge on an island named Crete, which is where a lot of those old mythical stories like this one take place.. There Daedalus had a child named Icarus, and worked for an important king named Minos, who eventually ordered him to build a giant maze to contain a beast called the Minotaur."

"Mhm.."

..She's not listening to a word I say - she really does just want the noise..

...

Whatever.

"..Um- then Minos trapped Daedalus and his son in the labyrinth with the Minotaur because he wanted to keep the beast a secret, and that's where Icarus's familiar story actually starts. Daedalus wanted to make a way for him and his son to escape the labyrinth, and that's the reason why he made wings."

"Mmhm.."

...

..Sigh..

Well.. If Roxanne doesn't care what I'm saying, I might as well try enjoying the story myself..

...

"..Daedalus collected feathers from birds who landed nearby, and bound them together with wax to create two sets of wings; one for him and his son."

"Mmmhm.."

"When the day arrived, Daedalus departed two warnings to Icarus. First, he told him not to fly too close to the ocean, as the splashing water could dampen his wings and make them too heavy for flight.. Then, he told him 'Beware. Do not fly too close to the sun. The blaze will surely melt those wings'."

"Mm..?"

...

"Alas, Icarus was overcome by the ecstasy of flight, soaring ever higher into the sky, despite Daedalus's warnings. Soon, the wax started to melt, and the wings upon Icarus's back began to burn."

"..."

"And so he fell. His cries swallowed by the sea."

"..."

...

"It's a story meant to warn people against the dangers of instant gratification. Decades ago I feel like I remember leaning in class that it was made to highlight a greek concept or term which stressed that 'the maintenance of a healthy mind implies a level of self-control, guided by knowledge and balance.' " I explain matter-of-factly.

...

..Roxanne cracks her eyes open, staring ahead for a moment before looking up at me expectantly..

...

"..I'm still listening, Mike - I promise."

...

"..What?"

"I'm not ignoring you."

..?

...

Oh.

"That's the end of the story, Rox."

...

"..What-? No it isn't." Roxanne confidently denies, propping her head up a bit.

"..What do you mean 'No it isn't'..?"

"The story literally didn't even resolve - you just stopped talking."

"The story follows Daedalus a bit after that, but.."

"Mike- what happened to Icarus?"

"The hell do you mean 'what happened to Icarus'?"

"I *mean* 'what happened to Icarus..?!' "

"I just told you his wings burned up and he fell into the ocean."

"And then?"

"And then he drowned."

...

..Don't you look at me like I'm an idiot - you're the one who's-, mmnn..

"..What the fuck do you mean he drowned?"

"What do you think I mean by-?"

"He just dies?"

"No. He promptly un-drowns and combines forces with the Minotaur to fight the evil mastermind behind it all: the fucking Sun."

..Roxanne, thankfully, understands that I'm being sarcastic, and half-rolls her eyes while she conjures up the next words to say.

...

"That's stupid - There's no way he just 'dies'." Roxanne quips, pushing herself until she's sitting upright.

"How can you be so adamant about this - you just told me you didn't know the story."

"Mike - isn't Icarus a good guy?"

"No?"

"Hell do you mean 'No'?"

"I mean - he isn't a 'bad guy' either. No good or bad intentions, he just chased what brought him pleasure until it burned him up."

...

..Y'know, Roxanne does almost exclusively live in a place meant for children..

I suppose at that age, most stories involve the 'good guy' triumphing through any trial. At worst, they just learn their lesson and try again..

What a strange side-effect.

...

"I always thought Icarus was supposed to be a protagonist or something.."

"Daedalus is the protagonist of the original story.. I guess you can say he's the protagonist of the classic tale of Icarus, but 'protagonist' and 'good guy' aren't always the same regardless."

"Well that fuckin' sucks." Roxanne huffs, crossing her legs.

"..Why?"

"Cuz' even I've alluded to Icarus a bunch when I'm talking to people. I always thought he turned out fine - it feels crummy using his mistake as an example when he died for it. What a shitty way to be remembered.."

...

"..Icarus isn't, uh-"

"Yes- I know he wasn't real, fuck off; I just meant I never knew the weight there was to it."

I cock a brow, trying not to chuckle and sound condescending.

"It's an important lesson to learn, but I don't know many people who consider the tale of Icarus to be 'weighty'.. More often than not, someone who makes a mistake in folklore to prove a point usually dies."

"How old was he?"

"What?"

"Icarus."

"I don't know - I think someone else in the larger story referred to him as a 'young boy'.. Why?"

"I just wanna know when he died - do you have your phone?" Roxanne scoots herself further onto my legs, reaching down where my pockets would be to pat around for my phone.

"Yes - it's on my desk, over there."

Despite damn well hearing me, Roxanne pats around one of my pockets some more.

"..The hell's in your pocket, then?"

"Oh, watch."

"Watch what? You don't have an arm on this side - I'll get it for you."

"No- I mean it's my watch. From the Pizzaplex."

"Oh."

..Roxanne does not pause or falter despite acknowledging what it is, casually taking the watch from my pocket and dangling it.

"..This thing is heavier than ours.."

"You couldn't tell when you were watching the cameras on it earlier today..?"

"I didn't let it dangle like this - I just got to work using it." She mindlessly replies, holding it by center mass this time. "Here- I'm putting it on your nightstand."

"Sure."

"Unless you want to put it on or something. I don't care - It just seemed like an uncomfortable thing to have in your pocket."

"Not really. I'm not keeping it on my arm for right now anyway - it'd be hard to get on and off. And use, for that matter."

"Mm." Roxanne hums, looking at the tiny monitor as it lights up.

...

..Roxanne cocks a brow and purses her lips after a while, evidently finding something of interest on my watch screen.

"..?"

...

"..Think there's a message for you, Mike.."

"A message for me?"

"An awfully emotional message, methinks.. Here - it's directed towards you, so I'm not gonna read it until you tell me it's okay.."

"Oh boy.." I mutter, carefully the watch Roxanne's holding out to me.

...

Ah..

I've received a series of messages from our little bird companion over the last few hours.. I guess I forgot to check any notifications I might've gotten with how stressful times became..

...

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

INS_MSG (Michael_Afton, Glamrock_Chica)

._._.

Chica: Can we talk..?

...

Chica: Where did you go?

Chica: Did you and Roxy leave already..?

...

Chica: Why did you leave? Did you have something to do..?

...

Chica: ..Mikey..?

...

Chica: ..Is it because I got mad at you..?

...

Chica: I'm sorry.

...

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Ruh roh.." I quip, sitting up further against the backboard.

"Yeah?" Roxanne replies, lying her hands in her lap.

I mess around with the watch a bit, sheepishly chuckling under my breath..

"Chica and I got in a disagreement and she thinks you and I left Arin's house early because of it, so now she's beating herself up."

"Probably a safer thing to let her believe than to tell her the truth."

"Yeah, well.. This time's a bit too sensitive for that, I think.. I was trying to put the crockpots in Arin's kitchen away, and Chica got hungry again after watching me do that, so she tried getting me to keep everything plugged in and kept out for a little more so she could get some food."

"..You didn't let her?"

"Mm.. I might've been a little more stubborn than I should've been, 'cause I thought it was ridiculous that she waited until the moment I started putting everything away to decide she wanted more food.. I gave her a little bit of a hard time, but that's not what she got upset about."

"Uh oh."

"Chica wanted to eat in the living room, and I didn't want to risk her making a mess all over Arin's nice furniture with the food he prepared for us."

...

"..That's why she get mad? That's it?" Roxanne cocks a skeptical brow, leaning toward me an inch.

"I mean - it was just kinda banter at first." I sheepishly defend, humming at the small device in my hands. "..But I think I used some poor wording, and Chica mistook it for something more serious."

"You're pretty good at escalating a simmering interaction into a blazing hellfire. What the hell did you say?"

"I said we shouldn't take advantage of Arin's kindness, and she understandably didn't like being accused of taking advantage of someone. It sounds a lot less serious when you're the one saying it to them.."

"You managed to get two girls crying over you tonight, you little heartbreaker." Roxanne chuckles to herself crossing her arms. "..So, what? We had to leave before you could get that resolved with her?"

"Yeah, and all that happened right before I went and looked for you, so she was the last person I talked to over there."

"Aww, so she thinks she made you uncomfortable."

"Probably.."

...

"You're not great at stopping issues from rising, are you?"

"Nope.." I sigh, well aware of that much.. "I'm only good at fixing them once they exist.."

"Ha. Put that on your resume as a night guard.. 'I suck at stopping people from getting in, but I can sure get them out.' "

"Gets the job done.. Poorly, sloppily, and inefficiently, but done nonetheless.."

"Is that any better than nothing?"

"A little, at least.. Creating a haven is just as much about keeping the evil out as it is letting the good in, and one way or the other, I manage to coerce the evil out of our walls.. Maybe even pushed some of it into a fire, if I'm lucky."

"How inclusive."

"It's your job to be inclusive. It's my job to be quite literally the opposite."

"Ha, aww.. I kinda like that dynamic." Roxanne coyly hums, tilting her head a bit. "I keep the good in, you keep the evil out."

"It takes two, I guess."

"Mm~. I like that."

...

..Sigh.. Whelp..

I let my gaze fall back down to the tiny device in my hand, acknowledging that I'd better take care of this sooner or later..

...

"Call her already." Roxanne lightheartedly chides.

"Right.. Do you want to give m-?"

"I'm not leaving, no."

...

"..Do you want to be in the call too..?"

"Not really. You fucked up, so I'm gonna sit here and make sure you don't say anything that makes things worse."

"I fucked up..?"

Roxanne huffs out her nose in amusement, leaning down towards me again.

"You and I had to dance around gray areas a bit, but not this time. This time, you fucked up. Not a big fuck-up, it doesn't really matter, but you need to un-fuck-it-up. And I'm gonna watch and make sure you do that. That's called tough love."

"Quite the therapist.."

"I'm not here to make it feel better, I'm here to make it right. Even if that means I have to be a little bitchy with you."

...

"You're weird."

"You're purple."

- click -

- br-r-r-r-r-t -

...

- br-r-r-r-r-t -

..I could've swore the watch made a ringing sound before, instead of just vibrating a little.. Maybe I'm starting to break this thing.

...

- click -

"h-.. Mike?"

Unmistakably Chica alright. Slightly winded, for whatever reason.

"Hey Chica. Sorry about calling so late - I only just saw your messages."

"Oh - Mike..!" She abruptly whines the moment she hears my voice.

"..Hey?"

"I thought you were avoiding me - I don't even know what to say..!"

"No I wasn't avoiding you - Are you outside right now..?" I ask, not deliberately trying to change the topic..

I hear the chirps of night-time insects in the background, along with the drone of trees blowing in the wind.. Maybe she's just next to an open window?

"Yes, sorry - um.. I, uhm, went out into the back yard when I saw you were calling.. The house is quiet, and I didn't wanna make a big deal about it with Trudge, 'cause I didn't wanna say anything behind your back, n'.. y'know.."

"Ah.."

It's no big surprise she's back at Trudge's house, it's gotten pretty late.. Still, it's hard to imagine a house so peaceful that Chica went outside to answer a call when the inhabitants of said house are those two..

...

"Mike- I'm sorry; I can't believe myself. I don't know what came over me, It was absolutely unacceptable." Chica firmly dictates, exaggerating the emphasis on some words.

Ah..

I've experienced Chica when she's adamant or fussy, but never really just.. 'mad'.. A hint of venom in her cadence, most certainly directed towards herself.

"..No- it's fine. That's not, um-"

"It was not fine..!" She argues pretty quickly. "We all needed today; it had been so long since we were able to laugh with everyone again, and the familiarity of being all together again was something we all needed.. But then I got all mad at you, just because you were trying to be nice to Arin, and I coerced you into leaving because of it. Even though everyone else was really happy that you were there..! All because I wanted to eat in the stupid living r-!"

"Wait, Chica- enough.. Let me clear one or two things up before you keep going.."

"Ughhhh, Mike - I hate it.."

Mm.. Don't think I've ever heard her say she 'hates' anything before - at least not seriously.

Despite her groans, Chica does fall silent afterward, awarding me a chance where I know she'll listen to the next few words I say.

"..Um.. Well- thank you, first of all. It reflects well on you to hear you say that.." I begin, looking for the correct order of words. "But no - We had to rush home because of something to do with Roxanne, not you. I fully intended to come talk to you at Arin's, but that got in the way - you didn't make me uncomfortable or anything."

...

"..What- Mike, really?"

Oo.. Uh oh..

...

I exaggerate a tired sigh under my breath. Roxanne's snickering in response to Chica's tone, which is a little hard to describe. Relieved, obviously, but also populated with a certain other emotion I've dealt with far too much of today..

"..Yes?"

"Awwwww-ugh! Mike!" Chica semi-lightheartedly groans.

...

"..You sound a touch annoyed.." I sheepishly point out the obvious, not experienced enough to know what to do in this situation.

"I am annoyed-! I spent the whole rest of my day thinking I did something really bad!"

"Whoops.."

"I messaged you like six times!"

"Sorry, I got busy.. Six times.."

"Stupid!"

Perhaps influenced by Roxanne's contagious snickering, I can't help but stifle a small chuckle at Chica's child-like name-calling.

"I thought this'd make you feel better."

"I do feel better - I just also know who I'm actually supposed to be mad at now!"

"It was kind of serious - I wasn't ignoring you for fun."

"Fine, then are you okay?"

"Well. Yeah - we are now, but-"

"Then I get to call you stupid-! I was worried sick for nothing!"

"Alright, alright - sorry for-"

"Nonono - you don't get to just say that..! I'm gonna-!"

- pshh -

I hear the sound of a sliding door opening on the other end of the phone, followed very shortly by Trudge's voice from across the backyard.

- "There's a curfew in effect, Chonka." -

Chica's quick to respond by poorly covering the receiver with her hand and yelling back.

"Birds don't listen to curfew!"

- "Birds also aren't known for squawking this late at night." -

"Well someone needs squawked at right now!"

- "I'm about to start squawking if you don't get in here and eat before the food gets cold." -

"What food?"

- "The food I cooked." -

"What did you cook?"

- "The last bird who was out here squawking past curfew." -

"No you *didn't*."

- "Get over here already." -

"So, what- you made 'chicken'?" Chica continues to banter. Grassy footsteps tell me that Chica, despite her sassy attitude at the moment, has decided to make her way back to the house.

- "No - it wasn't a chicken. Chickens don't wander into yards out here." -

"What bird was it?"

- "I made corn bread." -

"That's not a bir-"

- "Iknowthat'snotabird- Hurry, it's cold..!" -

"I'm coming-uh."

...

Over the course of the next twenty five seconds, there's only sounds of miscellaneous cooking banter audible in the background, until an audible - thunk - seems to imply that Chica absent-mindedly put her watch down somewhere.

...

"Oh hi Mike." Trudge's voice erupts from the other end, almost causing me to recoil a bit.

"Ah- Hey Trudge.."

"Whassup."

"Getting a squawking from Chica, apparently.. Oh - Chica thought something she did caused Roxanne and I to leave, but it was something between Roxanne and I that kinda demanded our immediate attention. Told Chica it wasn't actually her fault, and she was a little exasperated that I didn't tell her that earlier."

"Mmmmm-kay. I thought she was a little weird, but if you handled it than I'll stop caring. She got her energy back, at least."

"She most certainly did.."

...

"There is absolutely no curfew, by the way - I dunno how I got away with that."

"I was wondering.."

"Not that it'd matter anyway with how close we are to the edge of town."

"Witty as ever."

"Thank youuu~."

"I'm hanging up now."

"No – dibs-"

- click -

...

Most normal conversation I've ever had with that man and it still left me blanking.

...

I let the hand holding the watch fall limp onto the bed covers, gazing up at Roxanne, who still has her arms crossed on top of me.

...

"I'm surprised you didn't try to contribute to that conversation." I comment flatly.

"I didn't need to - you handled it."

"That hasn't stopped you before."

Roxanne simply hums happily, letting her mind wander as she looks down at me.

...

"..They're good together.." Roxy half-mutters, seemingly talking to herself.

"Trudge and Chica?"

"Yeah."

"I think so too."

...

"They make it seem so simple.." She laments, un-folding her arms and using them to support herself.

...

"I bet we only see the simple parts. There isn't a real relationship in the whole world that can be described as 'simple'."

"I mean it's like there isn't a single thing getting in the way of them."

"Mm.. It doesn't really look like it, no, but.. I dunno - simply taking into account what the two of them are makes it seem like there are some troubles they had to push through."

"Well they don't show it."

"I think they're just devoted enough to know how to not let things get in the way."

"Aren't 'I' devoted?" Roxanne huffs, leaning over me in some ineffectual way to seem confrontational. "If being covered from head to toe in lacerations isn't proof of my devotion, then what the hell is?"

"What are you even talking about?"

"I'm saying that if devotion is what it takes, why does it still feel like there are still miles between us, even though I'm laying right on top of you?"

...

"..What do you mean?"

"I mean how do you feel so distant and so close at the same time? Am I not devoted enough? How much more devoted can I get without literally dying for you?"

"Hey, d-"

"Agh-..." Roxanne gently interrupts, abruptly sitting upright and bringing a hand up to the side of her face.

She turns her head away while she sits up, as if deliberately breaking eye contact. I reflexively push myself sitting upright too, concerned but utterly oblivious to what's going on.

...

"Wolf?"

"Sorry, just-.."

"Are you okay-? What just happened?"

"Nothing."

...

"..?"

...

"I was making myself sad again. That's all.." Roxanne quietly huffs, as if subtly frustrated. "..But I'm sick of being sad today, so I'm stopping myself from.. um.."

Ah..

...

"..Did it work?"

...

Roxanne exhales a mighty sigh, succumbing to the feelings.

"No.. Maybe a little bit - I dunno.."

...

"..Y'know - on this list of 'things that psychologically stable people do', physically recoiling to prevent your thoughts from upsetting you ranks pretty low.." I quip, cocking a brow up at her.

"Fucking Mike- do I 'look' like I'm mentally well..?!" Roxanne bites, taking her hand down and making eye contact for a moment to exaggerate the emphasis of her statement, before slowly reverting to the pose she was at before with another weighty sigh.

"Mm.."

...

"Sorry.. I dunno why I yelled at you - just give me a second.."

"No- It's okay. I think it's about time for bed, we both could use a little down-time."

"Ugh.. No, not yet."

...

"Ugh?"

...

Roxanne subtly rubs her eyes with the hand already by her face before letting it fall and looking at me.

...

"I just-.. I don't want tomorrow to start.."

"..Tomorrow's gonna be fine, wolf - there's nothing on the agenda tomorrow."

"I know I'm supposed to look forward to it. But I was supposed to look forward to today, too."

"..Mm.."

...

Rox puts her hands in her lap and exhales quietly.

"..Well.. I've already upset myself, so.. Why do you always feel so far away..?"

...

"I'm not sure how to answer that.." I admit, looking off to the side to search for a way to approach this topic.

"I know your secrets, don't I? I mean - what could be worse than everything I already know? I dug really hard for those, and I got what I wanted."

"Mm.."

"I think I did, anyway." Roxanne starts, slowly trailing off into a grumble until I can't hear her anymore. "..Not that that means very much, since apparently I can't do fuggin' anything.."

...

The answer to her question seems to obvious, but the thoughts wrap around my brain like a vine.

..Bit by bit, I start to think the reason I'm avoiding eye contact isn't because I'm lost in thought anymore..

...

"..I don't know, Rox.."

...

"..What- there is something you're still hiding from me?"

"No, it's-.." I try to defuse, failing to come up with the wording "..It's not like I'm deliberately hiding anything - I've just gotten so many things to keep to myself over the course of my existence that it's like there's an inexhaustible supply.. Like I could keep talking about as many whimsical and sensitive things for hours and hours, and I'd still be nowhere close to finished."

"What does that even mean?"

"It's why I'm so reluctant to stay, Roxanne." I admit, lifting my arm an inch to resemble a shrug. "..I can mitigate the distance between us by sharing a few secrets, maybe, but I don't think it'll ever be completely gone.. I've got this invisible wall separating us that I don't know how to take down, and I feel like a ticking time-bomb on top of that. It's like the more I thin the wall between us, the closer you'll be to the explosion when everything goes to hell.. Nothing feels like the right answer.."

...

Roxanne doesn't like what I'm saying, but also can't really find a way to express it.

...

"..Look- I don't get it, Mike, okay? I just don't.."

"I, uhm..?"

"How is there still shit you're not telling me?" Roxanne huffs, reflexively starting to loom over me again. "..What can be worse than what I've already seen?"

"Well- it's usually because I don't even understand some of my quirks all the way.. Or at all, for that matter.. So I can never think of a way to talk about them.."

"Can I try, then?"

"Try what..?"

"Try understanding?"

I meet Roxanne's gaze for a minute, staring in silence as I figure out where to go from here.

...

"..Look - you're smart, Roxanne. At the very least, you're observant, but.." I begin, formulating the least offensive way to get this message across.

"..."

"..But I'm skeptical you'd know what to make of any of it either, I guess.. It's all related in some weird way - everything builds off each other, but even knowing everything I know, I'm still clueless about some of these things.."

"..Sheesh.." Roxanne mutters, tilting her head a bit and subduing a grimace at my words. "..Kick a girl while she's down, why don't you.."

"Sorry. I couldn't think of a way to say it in a non-condescending way, but you know I'm not calling you an idiot.."

"It's not even worth spending the energy to give me a chance?"

"That's not it, wolf - come on.."

...

Roxanne huffs at herself, pretending like she's not avoiding my gaze.

"..I probably wouldn't be any help anyway, I know, but God, just-.."

"Rox, you're not helpless."

"Look, if anything, just do it to give me some closure or something."

"Do what?"

"Something you haven't told me that you don't understand."

...

..I sigh and subtly shake my head, searching for something ridiculous to put it into perspective..

...

"..Every time I get trapped in my head, and every time something catastrophic happens due to my history with my father, it feels as if I literally lose control of myself.. I mean, in the most literal sense possible, it's like the old me who was obsessed with finding my father takes the reigns - sometimes I don't even remember what happens when I get lost in those trances.."

"What?"

"Yeah - I told you it would sound ridiculous.."

...

Sure enough, Roxanne stares at me like I just spoke an alien language.

...

"..The hell do you mean 'old you'?"

"I mean the person I was when I had a strict tunnelvision on burning everything that my father touched into ash."

"Then where's the 'new you'?"

"Right in front of you, I guess..? I don't know - it sounds like nonsense, but.."

...

"..Why would this be the 'new' you..?" Roxanne tilts her head, puzzling us both with that question.

...

"Well.. I think it's because I wanted to separate myself from my past so desperately that I tried fabricating a whole new persona, and I kinda did..? The 'problem' is that I never threw out the old one, which still surfaces from time to time.."

..Roxanne only furrows her brow, like something's wrong.

...

"No- that is ridiculous, Mike.."

"I know.."

"You think you just manifested a new version of you? Like you're a new model of a damn phone?"

"Uhm.."

"You can't just decide to re-work yourself, that's-.."

...

"I mean - what else can you conclude from the way that I am now?" I sheepishly shrug. "..I was cold and obsessed - I did virtually nothing outside of what I thought would boost my chances with the predicament I was in, excluding a few things Henry tried with me."

"Right, but.."

"And now I'm not. I talk to everyone relatively normally, and have something debatably referrable to a personality. I changed from who I was, into who I am now.."

"And what - it just came out of thin air? It had to come from somewhere, didn't it?"

"I don't know what to tell you - I have no idea why things happened this way, but they did.."

...

Roxanne isn't content with that answer, peering down into my soul like she's searching for something she lost in there.

...

"You had a personality at some point though, right..?"

...

"..What do you mean?"

"I mean - think about it."

"I have zero idea what you're talking about."

"Fuckin'- Isn't this what you were like?"

...

"Roxanne, color me stupid for a second, because I need you to explain it to me like an infant." I huff lightheartedly.

...

"You're sarcastic, y'know..?"

"I guess..?"

"That's just how you are, right..? You like to mess with people, you've always got some witty remark to say, you let loose an occasional quip at someone's expense to be funny, you don't mind playing rough, ect ect.."

"..?"

...

"I mean- Isn't that how the real 'old you' was..? Before your brother died and everything?" Roxanne explains, as if asking confirmation from me.

"..Huh?"

"Because you were a little bit of a delinquent, right? Sarcastic, witty, punch-able.. Until all the bad stuff happened, and you had to cut the act to fix it all, but.. All the bad stuff is over now, right? So you don't need to cut the act anymore, so.. Wouldn't it make way more sense to believe that you're just reverting back to who you were before that incident with your brother, instead of magically morphing into somebody new?"

"..I, uhm.."

...

For some reason, I start to blank; as if incapable of comprehending this information.

...

"..Plus that'd make more sense why you kinda fall back into who you were while you were after your father, right? Like - this is the natural you, and who you were back then was kind of like a conditional you 'cause of all the shit you went through."

".."

...

"..I 'unno - that just makes wayy more sense to me than the magical bullshittery you were on about before."

...

..That-..

No - That's not true. That-..

..That can't be true, that's not-..

That can't-..

...

..I'm who I was before? Before I made my father go mad..?

I-.. I'm the kid who was sarcastic, and-..?

That's who I am? I'm back to being-..?

...

The kid wh-?

The kid who liked to rough-house, and-..?

...

The kid who made him suffer?

The one who killed his br-..?

...

"Mike?"

...

My body feels like it's made of brittle obsidian. I fight the petrification and raise my hand out in front of me; staring down at it with empty eyes.

I open my palm, and it's totally clean, short of maybe a hair or two of Roxanne's fur.

Yet, so very clearly do I feel the heated blood dripping off my fingernails and seeping down onto my arm.

...

I-..?

I'm him again?

Just by experiencing a little peace, I've reverted back to who I was before everything happened?

I'm the same as I was when I started it all..? When I killed-..?

When I-..?

...

I'm the same as I was before?

...

I'm the same as I was before..?

...

I'm the same as I was before..

I'm the same as I was before.

...

I'm the same as I was before.

...

...

My gaze lifts to meet Roxanne's eyes, unable to make sense of the feeling in my chest.

...

"Woah, Mike, what's-..?" Roxanne responds to my stare, leaning an inch closer and focusing in on my eyes to fish for an emotion she saw within.

...

Unlike how I tend to react to impactful information, such as either succumbing to something and losing control, or maintaining stoicism and taking the matter seriously, I instead react in a way unlike I've ever done before.

Instability, like a panic; hidden but present in my body language as the fear and dread threads around my heart, making it beat leagues faster with each passing moment.

It's unnatural. Like the spikes of emotion are swelling far larger than they have any reason to, and something is pushing them to those extremes irregularly.

..But, regardless.. An unnatural panic is still a panic..

...

"Hey - calm down. What the hell's gotten into you?" Roxanne demands in response to my subtly shaking irises.

...

"..I-..I'm who I was.. b-before?"

"Woah - what the fuck?" She locks in, now using her arms to prop herself over me after hearing the chaos in my voice. "What's wrong?"

...

I pry my eyes off hers, looking down into my open palm again.

...

"S-Something's wrong - I don't feel-"

"Are you 'stuttering'..?!"

"I'm 'scared!' " I defensively huff back among the subtle shaking. "I'm-.. I-I dunno - I don't know what's going on, I-.."

"Holy shit!" Roxanne, for some reason, decides to *chortle* under a shocked expression. "I've never see you like this before..!"

"Don't l-laugh, Roxanne, I'm not-..

"Since when do you say shit like 'I'm scared'?" Roxanne dictates over me almost condescendingly, as if trying to say I'm overreacting.

"Wolf - all I-I have 'ever' wanted to believe was that I'm different than the person I was when I killed my brother! You're saying I'm turning back i-into him..?!"

"Yes, so what? You know better now, you're not gonna start being a bastard again. It's not that big of a deal, Mike - who cares?"

*I* care, you d-damn-!

Gh-..! It's like I can't breathe..! T-This isn't normal- what's happening to me..?!

...

"I'm reverting..?! I'm the same a-asshole who made his brother a living hell every day-? That's who I am..?!"

"pff." Roxanne scoffs, refusing to take this seriously. "Enough already. Ha- you make my life a living hell pretty often too, so there's your proof. But seriously - Calm down, Mike."

...

It's like something spiked so hard that all my emotions triggered a chain reaction of explosions in my brain - leaving me petrified and overstimulated..

Roxanne stutters when she's freaking out in an 'upset' way - usually an indicator that she's not far from tears. That's not the same of what's happening to me, though.

I'm purely exasperated - my voice is breathy like I'm wide awake and unable to make sense of anything.

...

..Regardless, this isn't.. This isn't normal, I..

The more I try to think about what's going on, the harder the manic thoughts about my past mistakes tear through my mind; obscuring any sense of connecting ideas.

"..I-.. I can't believe - all this work and I'm just the same murderer that-..!"

"'Murderer' is just something you're going to have to live with, Mike; if not from your brother, than from Cooper. It's fine, y-"

"R-Rox, can you please stop for a minute..?!" I huff, slightly fed up with whatever the hell she's trying to prove.

"Can 'you' stop freaking the fuck out about this?"

Roxanne badgers me again to get ahold of myself, but I can barely hear her over the sound of my heart beating in my ears.

...

..I-I'm trying to stop freaking out, I-.. Ugh- what is going 'on..?!'

T-This isn't how I react to things..! I've never t-thrown a emotional-mental fit about something like this before..!

The thoughts spin faster, and my brain has so little chance to turn the thoughts into words.

...

"I-I can't-, there's no way I've just 'turned back into'-.. I-I have to have changed - I never would've been able to take action if I didn't.." I quietly babble, like a mad scientist rambling under their breath.

...

..Roxanne just looms over me, her arms crossed condescendingly..

...

Gh- It's like my breaths won't supply me any air..! I don't even need the air, why am I so succumbed to panic..?!

...

..Panicking..

..W-Wait, I..

Through the incomprehensible static and vibrations, I latch onto a small piece of conscious thought and drive it forward.

...

..I.. I 'have; felt like this before.. I-I have..

C-Can't breathe, heart freaking out, babbling.. I remember - from so long ago..

...

I.. I first felt this in front of Fredbear that day, a-and once in the hospital room when he flatlined, and-..

..For a very small period of my life, I-I used to have little panic attacks - specifically caused by the stress of self-consciousness, which was a huge issue after I had learned what my father was doing to people after I killed Evan..

I never had panic attacks prior to that point, and I only truly had a few between when Evan died and I died at Baby's.. It was infrequent, and relevant for so little time that I had almost completely forgotten about it..

..But still, that was so long ago.. Decades, even.. W-..Would such an ancient habit really surface after all this time, under wildly different circumstances..?

...

..W..Well..

The circumstances of what caused them then and what's causing it now may be different.. But maybe they result in something similar..

...

..I.. I know how to snap out of those.. I remember learning the tricks.. I-It's fine, we're fine, just-..

...

Despite the shaking, I quickly go about the process of identifying a few things in the room and trying to ground myself. I'm sure it has some effect, but I'm too focused on doing what comes next to judge it.

I close my eyes and subconsciously touch my chest with my hand, turning whatever control I have over toward trying to regulate my breathing.

...

"Are you okay yet?" Roxanne's voice impatiently pierces my mind like a piece of shrapnel.

"H-Hold on, give me-.."

...

"Mike- what are you doing?"

"Wolf, shut up for a m-minute, please."

"Are you trying to avoid looking at me, you child?" Roxanne chides, most certainly looking down at as if she has any idea what the hell's-..

"..."

..Why is she so cold about this..? I mean - it's in her personality to be apathetic towards things she doesn't need to care about, but she was taking our moments so seriously just a little while earlier.. Why did she stop..?

...

..Is it just another personality swing..?

…

...

"I'm not w-"

"Roxanne - I'm not engaging in conversation with you until I can at least breathe again, e-enough."

"No - I know you can breathe, Mike, come on. It's not that bad. What the fuck's gotten into you?"

"..."

..Probably best if I tune her out for a moment..

...

..Alright, so, panic attack..

I don't suffer from them anymore. I've never had a mental condition that causes them to my knowledge, and the reason I had them for that short period of time between when I killed Evan and when I went to Baby's is because finding out that my father was out there, driven to madness and killing children, because of me, applied an indescribable amount of pressure onto my self-conscious.

This scenario I'm in now is obviously way different from something like that.

Roxanne just explained to me that, instead of my current personality being the 'new' me like I originally thought, it's actually the 'old' me (the kid I was before I killed Evan) gradually re-surfacing as the 'trauma' of my past with William grows more distant and detached.

I hate it. I utterly despise it with all my heart.

But she's right.. That makes way more sense than 'creating new me and separating it from the old me in my same head' or whatever whimsical bullshit I was thinking before..

I had a natural personality, until it got utterly obscured by how I needed to act during the search for my father, and as that history sinks further and further into the past, my natural personality is starting to poke through again..

...

Regardless, a revelation like that is still far cry from the original cause of my old panic-attacks, and I've experienced much worse in between then and now.. Hell, in that time, I died, killed just about everyone I knew (or at least released their spirits), went down in a burning building, found the Pizzaplex, had my biggest secrets revealed to someone, and killed my friend and boss Cooper - and none of that caused a panic-attack.. So it's strange how this of all things managed to cause one, right..?

But no, I don't think it's just sheer trauma that triggers them. There's a similarity between why they happened then and why it happened now.

..Both events resulted in a catastrophic blow to my self-conscious..

They first happened because my fathers actions warped my perception of myself into 'the sole reason why several children have just lost their lives and aren't even awarded the peace of death.'

When Roxanne told me I'm reverting back to who I was back then, it was like hearing that I'm back to being that same exact thing..

..mm..

...

..On the bright side, that should mean this really is a super rare and unlikely event, since the conditions required for me to panic like that are so specific and severe.. Which is good, because I really don't need a new habit of having panic-attacks at random..

...

After a few dozen seconds of silence, my body falls further under my control. The feeling of my heart shaking in my chest grows less prominent, and the breaths I take are deeper.

Roxanne simply eyes me curiously, as if wondering..

...

"..Okay- seriously, what the hell's going on with you?"

"..."

...

The silence in the room sobering her thoughts, Roxanne finally starts to acknowledge the possibility that I reacted way worse than she thinks.

...

"..Mike - are you actually being real right now?" Roxanne asks, earnestly.

Furrowing my brow, it takes effort not to open my eyes and say something I'll regret later.

...

"Yes, I'm being real, hold on.."

...

"Why are you doing that?" Roxanne asks, failing to add any helpful information onto that statement.

"Doing what?"

"Fuckin- *this*. Sitting there for like two minutes with your eyes closed; what are you trying to accomplish?"

"I'm catching my breath, wolf, I told you that - hold on.."

...

"Why?"

"Because I couldn't, fuckin-.." I grumble, despite my best efforts.

"No - don't say you 'couldn't breathe' again, I'm not buying that.. That's an exaggeration, I know that, come on.."

"..."

...

"..Mike- actually?"

"Wolf.."

"Like, actually, for real, you couldn't breathe?" Roxy asks, inspecting me as if trying to tell if I'm lying.

"Yes, I'm almost fine again, just-.."

...

Roxanne leans down towards me, instinctively using one of her hands to gingerly overlap the one I have over my heart as if to prevent if from moving, despite zero effort going into her grip.

...

"..That wasn't actually a full-blown episode you just had, right? Over something so stupid and small? ..Mike – I just screamed at you some of the worst things I could have ever said; I called you the same as your father, repeatedly, and you hardly reacted for more than twenty seconds."

Did you think I was lying each time I said I was serious in the last three minutes?

...

"It was an old habit, one I'd forgotten about.. I just wasn't expecting a revelation like that - this is just a special situational reaction, not the norm, so don't worry about, um.." I struggle to respond, my urge to reassure her fighting with my urge to ignore her.

"What habit?"

"Uhm.. For a very short time in my life, there was a period where I was susceptible to panic attacks.. I've long since overcome it, but hearing that I'm devolving back into who I was at the beginning of my life was a uniquely shocking experience in that it catapulted my self-conscious into orbit for a few seconds.."

"Mike- you don't have panic attacks - I've never seen you have one."

"I know, but that's 'cause you weren't there for-... -sigh- ..mm, nevermind.. That wasn't 'stupid and small' though, Rox - that's about as sensitive of a topic as something gets for me.."

...

"Mike, are you really being serious..? It was that bad..?" Roxanne asks, for the fifteenth damn time.

"Twenty more seconds, Roxanne - just give me twenty more seconds and I'll be right as rain. Just please stop talking for a few more seconds.."

...

Roxanne looks blank, eyes glazed as she stares down at me.

...

"..Mike - did I just really fuck up..?"

Fuckin-..

...

Suppressing a sigh, I crack an eye open and stare forward at nothing in particular, furrowing a brow and doing my best to keep the sarcasm at bay.

"..It wasn't your best work, I'll admit.." I grumble under my breath, finally having regained total control of myself.

"Okay, alright, I'm sorry. I thought you were just overreacting - it seemed ridiculous.." Roxanne defensively huffs.

Despite the overwhelming urge to 'respond', I close my eyes for a second and breathe for a moment longer.

..On one hand, I can understand at least a little bit where she's coming from, but it was so weird how adamant she suddenly became about it..

..I'm inclined to think it was just another one of her mood-swings, or whatever the hell she's been having the last month or so.. But man, what timing..

...

"It's fine.." I exhale, propping my self up a bit more.

...

"Mike- how the fuck was I supposed to know you were panicking? You never have panic-attacks-, why would I have assumed-?"

"It's 'okay', it's whatever - you're right.."

...

..I'm at the point where I'm just feeding her what she wants to hear, but I'm sure my tone or expression is giving away that I'm still irritated..

...

"Okay.. But you would've thought the same thing from my perspective, Mike.."

"I get it, Rox; I understand.."

...

..Nothing I say is making Roxanne feel better - she's just being defensive, which is fine, but regardless of my lackluster attempts at telling her she's right, the desire to defend herself doesn't seem to fade from her eyes..

"..."

...

"Can you get off me?" I ask as nonchalantly as I'm able, opening my eyes fully and blinking a couple times.

"What?"

"I'm getting up."

"No- why?" Roxanne quickly defies, planting me in place with her hands.

...

"I've got a couple more things to do before bed tonight - I'm just getting them done."

"What things?"

"I still have to go get Friendo."

...

"Are you just mad at me still? Is that why you're trying to get up?" Roxanne discontentedly asks, almost rhetorical, as if she's already decided that this is the case before I'm even able to give her a response.

...

"..Okay, look, yes, I'm a little irritated.. But I'll be fine in a few minutes while after I go handle the last couple things we need done for the night; that'll give me enough time to see things from your perspective.."

...

"..Why are you still mad?"

..-Sigh-..

...

"..Look.. Berating and mocking someone who's having a panic attack isn't exactly the ideal way to handle it, but at the same time, I understand why it didn't occur to you that something like that was happening."

...

"Okay - I'm sorry, but I wouldn'tve done that if you didn't go ape-shit over something stupid to begin with.." Roxanne mumbles, evidently unwilling to compromise.

"It wasn't-.. Listen, I understand it wasn't significant to you, but I've spent my whole life trying to distance myself from who I was when I killed my brother, so finding out that I'm basically reverting back into him was a little bit jarring." I defend, despite my attempts at trying not to get swept up.

"Well freaking the fuck out about it wasn't gonna help any..!"

Roxanne, you- nn..

...

Bite your tongue, purple man - it's been a long day for her..

..We've come so far.. I can't let this develop into something serious tonight, not after how hard we've both worked to make peace today..

...

"..Fine, I'm sorry for panicking. I still need to get u-"

"No - I don't want you to be sorry, I want you to stop being upset with me.." Roxanne whines.

"I'll be fine in a minute."

...

"You should be fine now.. You shouldn't even be upset.."

"Wolf, it's okay, it was just a little irrita-"

"Mike - it wasn't even my fault..!" Roxanne interrupts, subtly raising her voice like she's trying to defend herself by playing the offensive role. "I know I was inconsiderate, but of course I didn't 'consider' that you were having an episode over something that barely matters anymore, because you don't even have 'episodes' about actually important stuff most of the time..! I was right to act the way I did with what I knew - why would you be upset with me about that..?!"

...

..Roxanne hovers over me, switched to breathing with her mouth after that passionate series of justification run-on sentences..

...

..Just.. Enough, already..

What is this curse..? Why is there always something..?

...

"..Fine, alright, whatever.. You're the real victim, just get off, please."

...

"..I'm not the 'victim', I'm just-.. You shouldn'tve fuggin'-.." Roxy reluctantly huffs, pushing herself off my lower half.

...

Once I can feel my legs again, I carefully push myself to the edge of the bed.

"Alright.. I do need to get Friendo, but that shouldn't take long. You can stay here."

...

"..Yes, okay - go for it.."

"Mm."

...

"..Just quit being so pissy when you get back.."

Just can't help opening that maw, can you?

...

..Whatever..

...

..Un-believable..

I internally grumble, taking the last plate left of the dirty dishes and rinsing it under the sink.

...

..So much for taking the brunt of all her emotional outbursts today.. How presumptuous of me to assume the mighty Roxanne would be a little understanding of an episode of mine for a change.. 'Sorry for not enjoying the experience of being scorned while having a mental episode, I should've taken into consideration how having a panic-attack would've made 'you' feel.'

...

..Ugh- what am I, fucking twelve?

Listen to me - down here grumbling about some stupid miscommunication like I'm gossiping with the cutlery..

Just let her have this one - she needs it.. Think about something else..

...

Setting the plate on the dish-dryer, I take the rag in front of the stove and dry my hand with it the best I can while I peer around the kitchen for my car keys.

..Maybe I'll whine about how quickly she fills up the damn dishwasher instead..

...

mnn, maybe she's right.. I know that dishwasher thing was a joke, but I wonder if I am a little excessively petty right now..

...

..-Sigh-..

Identifying my keys on the kitchen island, I turn back to the counter and start to hang the drying rag back up..

...

..Unfortunately.. before I can finish and evacuate, I hear carpeted footsteps descending the stairs..

I don't turn around when I hear them reach the bottom; instead taking my sweet time hanging this rag..

...

"..Look - I'm sorry, okay?" Roxanne huffs, with a lot less energy than when we were upstairs. "I'm just a little fed up with your shit today, and I'm impatient."

"Th-"

"Wait- no, I meant I'm fed up with 'the world's' shit today, not yours. That came out wrong - you know what I mean.."

Riveting start.

"It's fine." I answer, a bit more dry than I intended it to sound.

My hand still resting atop the bar the rag is hanging on, I turn around and meet the canine's eyes for a second or two.

...

"..What an artificial-ass answer, Mike, come on.." Roxy moans, audibly taking a couple steps further into the kitchen as I begin to move. "At least respond to me seriously."

...

"..Sorry, I'm waiting to clear my mind a little - I don't want to say anything I don't mean." I reply, circling around her to swipe the keys off the island.

"You understand why I thought you were just overreacting, right? You get that?"

"Sure."

"I'm not just treating you like a bitch for fun, you know that right?"

Ha..

...

"You need a little practice making peace with somebody."

Roxanne quickly rolls her entire head, before pacing after me.

"It's hard to make peace with someone who refuses to take me seriously..!"

"Let me get Friendo, and I'll be in a better state of mind to talk to you 'seriously'.."

"Why can't you take me seriously now?"

"I told you - I just need a little time to remind myself of what's important."

..Roxanne scoffs after me as I enter the hallway, approaching the front door.

"Mike - Can *I* be 'important' for once? You really need to practice self-care before you even bother with me, and I'm not supposed to find that demeaning?"

"Rox, if you weren't important, I wouldn't bother taking this time before I spoke with you. I'm doing this because you're important enough that I don't want to mess things up with you."

"Always an excuse up your sleeve.. They should made 'avoid talking to Roxanne face-to-face' an olympic category; you've got it down to an art." Roxanne hides her venom behind some thinly-veiled banter as I turn the door-handle.

"I just think it's better for both of us if we get time to ourselves."

"Whatever, dude."

"Sorry."

"No, you're not. Fuck you. Just go."

"..Mm.."

...

As instructed, I pace outside and listen to the door shut passive-aggressively behind me.

- click -

...

..The crickets, owls, and whatever other chirpers out there are noisy tonight.. But, it's the closest thing to peace and quiet I've gotten since I left the Pizzaplex..

...

I turn, facing off the porch into my front yard; feeling the chill breeze against my already cold skin.

...

..-Sigh-..

...

..I'm exhausted of this game we play with the fault-lines.. I never know if it's your fault or mine anymore.

...

..Alright..

I carry myself onward towards my car, despite how much I'd like to lie down in the grass and end the night here..

...

- click -

Mnn..

Just as I reach the side of the car, I hear the doorknob yet again twist with a click.

Awaiting damnation, I carefully release a controlled breath as the door creaks open behind me..

…

"Love you.." Roxanne reluctantly calls out, leaning out into the porch. Despite the denotative meaning of those words, her tone makes it clear that she's still upset with me.

...

Understandably aware of the elephant in that message, I tilt my head a bit to look back up at her from a distance.

"..?"

...

"..In a 'family' kind of way, dipshit - I just mean 'don't die on the road'.."

..ah..

...

"Love you too."

...

- click -

With a rebellious huff, Roxanne slams the front door shut, and I'm left alone again.

...

..I look down at my hand, wrapped around the handle of the car-door..

...

Look at her, making something of peace before I leave.. I guess she thought this would've made a really bad 'final memories together' if I somehow did manage to crash and die.

...

Ugh..

..What a terrible cycle we're trapped in.. One we've been through countless times, and one we'll experience forevermore..

Unity, and then rivalry, then unity again.. Love, then spite, then forgiveness, then hatred, then trust, then heartbreak, then up, then down, fixed, broken, shattered, repaired, wounded, healed..

...

..I'm not sure what the best case scenario is.. The chances of a future where we're still sticking around each other seems slim, but even if we somehow manage that, then this may just be something that'll keep happening forever..

...

..But.. Yeah, it's worth it..

..I'll navigating the endless rise and fall..

...

..If I don't look at him.. he literally cannot bother me..

...

..Don't look at him..

...

..Don't look at him..

...

Don't fucking look at him - he's-

I look at him.

Friendo has, against all odds, managed to position himself sideways in the passenger seat on his belly, with his legs slowly kicking in the air behind him, and propping his head up with his hands to look up at me cutely while I drive.

I should've just taken a regular endoskeleton home instead. Roxanne wouldn'tve cared.

...

Alright so there's a reason behind the bullshittery this time..

I've no doubt seemed distracted throughout this car trip with Roxanne on the mind, Friendo noticed, and I dismissively told him 'it's nothing', thereby proving to him that there is, in fact, something.

...

Since then, Friendo has committed to doing every gesture under the sun that even remotely aligns with 'spill the tea', like I'm supposed to gossip with the mute kid.

This is not how I wanted to spend the last hours of my day.

...

"..Friendo.." I dryly acknowledge.

He responds by excitedly drumming the tips of his fingers on his face. His big dumb stupid idiot face.

...

If it didn't take conscious effort not to break into a stupid smirk at everything he does, I'd be a lot more reluctant to throw him a bone.

I thoughtfully tilt my head toward my window, deciding on what to say, while also reflexively trying to hide a reluctantly amused exhale,

...

The car is gently illuminated by the dim streetlights each time we pass one, making a rather unique conversation atmosphere; if 'conversation' is the correct word for what we're about to have.

...

"..It's just been a long, exhausting day; and it isn't even quite over yet.. Everything's fine of course, it's just.. y'know.." I trail off, searching for a way to highlight the problems a bit better.

Friendo remains thoughtfully attentive, fidgeting his fingers a bit.

...

"Unexpected problems, from unexpected sources."

...

"..Like 'women'." I lightly joke, chortling under my breath.

Thankfully, Friendo finds it funny. He knows damn well I'm referring to Roxanne - the only 'woman' I actively try having anything to do with.

Hey, good for us.. Nothing says bonding like a little "boys rool' girls drool" fun between two six-year-olds like us.

...

Despite enjoying the joke, Friendo still sets his hands down and keeps his head lifted manually, as if to tell me to keep elaborating.

I side-eye him a bit, before staring off blankly into the left side of my windshield.

...

"..I guess, right this very instant, the only 'active and relevant' problem of mine is, uhm.. Roxanne.."

...

I don't look, but I hear Friendo's metal fingers tapping thoughtfully.

...

"..puh.. I wish I could say it's something significant, but not really. Just another little fight; far from uncommon."

...

"But that's the thing, I guess.. I'm left wondering how 'worth it' it is to make peace with each other so often, if we always end up being frustrated with one another about something else inevitably."

...

"I mean- of course she's really important to me, and I her; it's not that our functional bond is fake or anything, but, y'know.. I always thought it was just in Roxanne's personality to fight about things, but as time goes on, I get more and more confident that it's us two in particular results in so many issues.."

...

Friendo has since sat upright, sitting cross-legged in the passenger seat with his entire body, lower body included, facing me.

...

"I dunno. I guess what it boils down to is this: ..A lot - a 'lot' has happened between us since we've known each other, including some really punishing things.. That's not inherently bad, but the 'quirk' with her and I is that things don't ever seem to stop 'happening', no matter how much goes down."

...

"..Against all the odds, Roxanne's managed to withstand everything that's happened so far.. I guess I'm afraid that, one day, she won't.."

...

"And it seems almost inevitable, since things never seem to stop happening.. I mean, we're tough. I feel like we can award ourselves that much after what we've been through. So on one hand, no matter how many bad things happen, the chances of them being so horrendously awful enough that Roxanne can't handle it are extremely low."

...

"..But.. No matter how rare it is for something to be that awful.. It only needs to happen 'once'.."

...

Friendo drums the passenger seat cushion, seemingly thinking about what I said.

I glance over in his direction again, before huffing out my nose a bit.

"..Sorry - probably isn't too fair that you don't have a way to respond to any of this."

...

After a short few seconds, Friendo just barely tilts his head at me a bit. It isn't an attempt to communicate with me like usual; simply an instinctive behavior while his mind runs its course.

...

"You're so vibrant and alive compared to your counterparts.. Mm, I'd do anything to hear your thoughts on things. Criminal how you don't have a voice-box like the rest."

After finishing his thoughts, Friendo simply shrugs his shoulders.

"Mm.. Even if I could find a voice-box, your design just does not have place for one.. Nowhere to connect, and I doubt there's the proper programming in you that allows you to use it even if I could plug one in somewhere.. And, the only man who'd have any idea how to give you those things is looong gone.." I ramble on, basically saying my thought process out loud as I run through it.

...

"..Is it ever upsetting for you?"

Friendo blinks, before semi-confidently shaking his head 'No'.

"Really?"

He lifts his arms and tilts his head, shrugging, but in a way that also communicates that he doesn't really care.

"Huh.. Not even if it meant getting to tell me who you are, or how you're so different?"

Friendo shrugs higher, shaking his head to communicate multiple messages; almost as if to say something to the degree of 'I don't have anything to say about those'.

"..Still don't really mind..? Do you have any answers for those questions to even tell me?"

A firm, confident shake of his head 'No'.

"Huh.. Surely you didn't spont-"

Friendo starts gesturing again, interrupting me. First holding his hands up and in front of him like 'Stop', before spinning one of his hands and outstretched finger in a counter-clockwise circle, with the other pointed over his shoulder behind him.

...

I think he's telling me we're getting off track.. Hilarious that I've somehow started rambling enough that even the mute robot has to remind me what the conversation is supposed to be about.

...

"..What, about Roxanne..?"

With a robotic chirr, Friendo sets his hands on his legs with a lazy thumbs-up on one of them.

...

"Sorry; I'm not really sure I have anything else to say about that.. Got my thoughts out, is all."

...

Friendo pretends to furrow his brow, thrusting an accusatory finger at me repeatedly with his other hand on his hip and his back bent slightly. The charade resembles an old person nagging me.. Or, is maybe simply meant to symbolize an argument..

...

"..Roxanne and I's little fight..?"

With a positive chime, he nods and holds his arms out from his sides expectantly, as if he's saying 'What 'abooouuuttt' it?'

"You wanna know what it was about.."

That's the spice.

I hum under my breath, focusing on the road for a second while I decide if telling him anything specific is a good idea.

...

"Well.."

...

"I'm not sure I can say without being bias.." I somberly chortle under my breath.

Friendo doesn't seem to care.

...

"Mm.. I guess the main part is that I was a little annoyed with something Roxanne did; I was reacting to something very poorly, and she thought I was just overreacting and nagged the whole time until she realized, after it had all already passed, that I really was having a low point."

The internal lights of the car's dash are all that illuminate us in the dark after I turn off the highway, away from the streetlights.

...

"..But because how I was reacting was so unusual and rare, it also wasn't too horribly unreasonable for Roxanne to think I was just being weird.. Nonetheless, I was still a little huffy that she kept chastising me at a bad time even after I told her I things were serious, and Roxanne said sorry, but also said that I shouldn't be annoyed with her due to the circumstances."

...

"..I wasn't able to stop being irritated, so I said I'd give myself a little time to calm down like she wanted, but.. I don't know - Roxanne got mad that I was still mad, then kinda doubled down on the overreacting bit, blah blah blah.. It sounds juvenile, I know.."

...

Friendo fidgets with the glove-box container, and I curiously follow him with my peripheral. He makes a gesture that he's still listening.

...

"It's just been a long day though, y'know.." I sigh, exaggerating fatigue by letting my head fall to the side somewhat. "And this particular instance wasn't the first time Roxanne's been emotional today.. I understand I probably deserved everything, but I put a lot of effort into keeping a sense of stoicism and taking Roxanne's outbursts seriously. Then I have a slip-up of my own, and the only thing I get is mocked.."

...

"..Ugh.. It 'is' childish; listen to yourself.." I half-grumble again, letting my thoughts filter straight into my vocal chords. "..It's like I'm trying to find problems; anything to prevent a period of peace when we need it most."

...

"We still care for each other, a lot.. I still mean that in a platonic way, for reasons far beyond what I think I'll ever be able to explain, but it's still kinda gross saying it out loud, ha.. It's in both our personalities to hide our heavier feelings toward people, but now we both don't even beat around the bush when we feel the need to express it during an important moment.."

...

"..Y'know, funnily enough, when I was still new to the Pizzaplex, every interaction we had was lined with both of us having some intent to prevent something like this from developing." I begin matter-of-factly, with a much lighter tone. "Roxanne had some weird ideology about how 'I need to keep perceptions of me limited to public-image and self-image.' and that a deeper relationship would complicate that by adding another 'image', increasing how many roles she needs to play in front of people, and consequentially making it harder to preserve those previous two things. Obviously she's kinda made an exception for me, but I like to think that her developing relationship with the rest of the animatronics means she's finally taking down that barrier for good."

..Friendo blanks out the front windshield as if he just heard the most alien and incomprehensible sentence of all time..

...

"Sorry. Roxanne says I've started developing a habit of randomly rambling about things." I sheepishly apologize, recognizing the turn we're on as a landmark that we're almost home. "..Anyway, yeah, originally all either of us wanted was to prevent ourselves from making a bond. I did for my own incomprehensible list of reasons.."

...

"..And yet, here we are. Both of us fighting the very same consequences we told ourselves we wouldn't be able to fight."

I let that ring out with a positive undertone.. But if I were a little more compelled to go into the details of how that fight's going, I'd probably have to respond with "We're losing"..

..But, we've been 'losing' for a year now.. I'll admit, I thought it would take far less time for us to finally 'lose', and yet we haven't..

...

"So much has happened since then; it's unreal." I nonchalantly comment, mostly to myself.

Then, the familiar trees passing us by one by one reminds me of the destination we're approaching, and it sobers me up some..

...

"So much keeps happening.."

...

"..So much is going to keep happening.." I mutter, below what the bot in the other seat can hear.

...

Mmmm..

...

"There - I think that means it's on.." I hum with zero confidence.

Friendo skuttles over from the other end of the kitchen, holding his arms out like a handsy child to take the kennel-sized device.

Lifting it off the counter by the ever convenient handle, allowing the metal mess to wrap his arms around the sides and hold it against his skeletal chest.

"If it doesn't work, let me know.. Arin said it had to be plugged in or something, but.. I mean – it's glowing already, maybe it has charge or something.. I dunno.."

I let go of the battery, and Friendo does an awkward 180 before standing perfectly still for a couple more seconds.

...

..He turns a bit more as if he's about to do a full spin, but stops half-way, and gives me the most nonsensically potent comical, and loaded-with-emotion side-eye ever performed; like he's asking something of me.

...

"..You can take it in your room - I don't care.. Why would I c-..?"

Friendo energetically hobbles across the remainder of the kitchen, past the glass backdoor, and joyously boots open his 'bedroom' door with a mighty kick. After which, he hobbles out of sight as the door closes behind him from the remaining momentum of the kick.

...

That door opens outward.

...

Or, um.. it did..

...

My gaze eventually shifts.

Roxanne's down here; came waltzing down the stairs shorty after we got home, and has been leaning against the wall by the staircase ever since with her head pointed down; waiting for Friendo and I to be done.

I'd imagine this conversation is going to happen very shortly..

...

After staring in the direction of Friendo's doorway and listening for noises for a few seconds, Roxanne, sure enough, wastes no time hopping off the wall and speedwalking toward me with a loud whisper.

"Okay, okay- just wait, please.." Roxanne exhales, making her way over while gesturing for me to stop, or maybe prevent me from saying anything.

"It's okay, listen-,"

"No - wait, just let me say something first; it's different.."

...

"..It's 'different'..?" I parrot as Roxanne reaches an uncomfortably close conversation distance to keep the noise down.

"Look- I was thinking while you were gone; about why I'm so mad about everything today.." Roxanne quietly whines, as if admitting things instead of just saying them.

"Um-?"

"-And 'yes', I'm just madder at everything that I usually am, okay? I'm sorry - I shouldn'tve yelled at you, but that-.."

"Wait wait wait, wolf- too fast - I had things to say about that too.." I raise my hands defensively, gesturing her to slow down.

Before I'm even done speaking, Roxanne combines a pout with a silent emotional huff and an impatient bounce.

"Mike- I 'know', but-.."

"..I, uhm... Well- fine, sorry; you want to finish your thought..?"

"I'm trying to make it fast - I was just thinking, like.." Roxanne continues, stumbling over her words and looking around mindlessly to form them again.

"..."

...

"It's just-.. Everything 'sucks', alright? Everything today feels 'bad'."

"Like, you feel awful..?"

"No, I.. a better way of saying it is 'Nothing feels 'good''.." Roxanne huffs through her whisper. "I mean 'everything', not just how I'm feeling or whatever; it's.."

...

"..?" I tilt my head a nudge, looking over Roxy's expression to get a better understanding of what she means.

Roxanne herself can't stop breaking eye contact to look around to find the words; subtly frustrating herself in the process.

"..Ugh- it's so clear in my head; it makes perfect sense, but the moment I need to tell you about it it's like I don't have the logic in word form to-"

"It's okay, take your time.."

...

"Everything, everything there is that I can think about that's relevant to today in some way, it feels bad thinking about it.. Even the things I like feel 'bad' to think about now; it's like I can't escape.." Roxanne huffs weakly.

"..How do you mean..?"

"Look, for example, I had fun today, Mike - I was feeling the best I've felt in so long when we were at Arin's with everyone, alright?"

"Right?"

"But when I remember it, it's bad. When I let my mind run, and think back to the fulfillment and joy I was feeling, it feels bad, because all those thoughts lead to when all the cuts started to hurt when I was there, and how that's why that memory ended."

"Okay.." I hum lowly to myself. "..I think get that, but not the bigger picture.."

"The 'bigger picture' is that, that feeling? It's how I feel about everything..! 'Everything' I think about today feels negative..!" Roxanne emphasizes without bringing her voice above a loud whisper.

"Look - I know I'm stupid for asking this, but what do you mean 'everything'..?"

"I like you, Mike - of course you know that, but now every time I think about you, all I can think about are the arguments we had today.. I like this house, but right now all I can think about is how much I hate being alone in it. I liked riding in your car early today, but when I think about that fond memory, the positive feelings are smothered by how I was balled up in the passenger seat in agony and adrenaline in that same car later that evening..!"

"Oh.. Uhm-"

"I like my family, and I liked being with them today, but when I think about them, all I remember is how I ghosted them after the cuts started to-..!"

"Alright, alright.." I interrupt, gesturing that's enough.

...

"..It's all bad; nothing's good.. Not even my happiest memories make me anything but sad - it's like I lost my 'happy place', and I'm stuck out in the elements.." Roxanne whines, unsure of where she's supposed to go from here.

"I think I understand, sorry.. I'm not really sure what to do about that.."

...

"..That's why I was so mad.. Everything 'sucks' today, and I got super defensive when I fucked up because I didn't want to think 'I' was just as bad as everything else; that's what I'm trying to say.."

"I know today's been rough, but not everything is terrible. If we can keep-"

"But 'nothing' feels good either, Mike. It feels like some sick fuckin' reality check - some stupid-ass trope where I've lived pampered all my life and I'm finally face to face with how the world really is.." Roxanne interjects; frustrated, but not at me.

"This isn't how the world always is.. I know you've lived your whole life inside the Pizzaplex walls; you haven't exactly had a fair chance to judge the outside world with what you've seen."

"I've 'seen' more than anyone should ever see.. I should've known I was so 'protected'.. Fed fuckin' nonstop lies by all the smiling children; their grins told me that I'm awesome, and that life's awesome, and that life's awesome because I'm awesome; but no.."

"Wolf.."

I lift my arms a bit as Roxanne backpeddles a step and continues to grumble, as if the meaningful part of this conversation has ended.

"You and I have already handled everything today; all the threats have been taken care of, but everything still feels terrible.. This is how it feels to have shit handled? Perpetually hating happy memories and dreading when sun comes up?"

"Listen to yourself.."

"Everything sucks, Mike; everything sucks by default. Everything 'good' only ever feels melancholy at best, and it keeps turning into 'bad' memories.. Cus' 'bad' is the natural state of the fuckin' universe, apparently." Roxanne rambles on, partially turned around as if pacing.

Wow.. Think she's right about the 'extra mad at everything today' quirk..

"Listen, Roxanne." I begin, taking a couple steps after her and thus moving the conversation closer to the glass sliding door. "Things aren't as bad as it seems right now - it's been a long day, and you need sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."

...

..Roxanne takes a second to sigh, before turning around to look at me again.

"Look- sorry; I know I'm being annoying.. I know there are good things; I'm just out of reach of them tonight, and all the bad is taking its toll.."

"You're not annoying.. I don't think things are that simple - there's a lot that goes into feelings, and not all of them are rational."

"Well they're certainly able to distinguish 'good' and 'bad', 'cause I can tell you pretty damn certainly that things feel bad right now."

" 'Good' and 'Bad' seems like an unhealthy lens to judge every single thing there is to find on this Earth with.." I half-joke, putting my hand on the wall beside me.

Roxanne crosses her arms and leans her shoulder on the glass of the back door, exaggerating a long exhale out her nose. Thankfully, that appears to be a sign of transitioning to something a little more lighthearted.

"Pretty sure Good and Bad are two easy categories that fit everything one way or the other. Love is 'Good', Hate is 'Bad'; those are easy. EVERYONE'S in agreement with those, right? Everything fits, it just gets a little more complicated telling what belongs where from there. Like - what am I? What do you think? Am 'I' Good or Bad?"

"..mm.."

...

"Takin' an awfully long time to respond, cr-"

"Actually, no, I.. I don't think I'm 'in agreement'.." I state plainly, looking off to the side a bit.

...

"..What?"

"About that thing you said everyone agrees on, um.. Well- even before that, I don't think 'Good' and 'Bad' applies to the natural world like you were saying first, but.."

...

Roxanne stops leaning on the wall.

"..I think we're getting off track, Mike.."

"Mm.."

"Look, sorry for dumping all this on you as soon as you walked in the door. I just want to make s-"

- T-THUNK -

…

..That sounded expensive..

…

..Or, sounded potentially like a necessary device I just received from the complex..

Roxanne and I stare at one another for a moment, waiting for another noise to follow up whatever just happened in Friendo's room.

..Though, in addition to the curiosity, this was something of a necessary break in our immersion..

Friendo's "room" is only a few steps away from the backdoor. Y'know, the one Roxanne is leaning on right now.

…

..I like Friendo and everything.. but, I think we're both in agreement that this is a conversation that we'd rather keep to ourselves..

…

No need to communicate these judgements, Roxanne wordlessly gestures me over and cracks open the glass sliding door with a satisfying – fshh –

…

I cock a brow, and charade putting a jacket on.

Roxanne simply points outside again.

…

..I mean to tell her that it's exceptionally windy outside tonight, despite being located in a clearing more or less encapsulated in trees. Which is why I insist on grabbing something to keep her warm.

However, despite my infinite wisdom, I fail to think of with a gesture to represent 'wind', and instead stare at her like a fool for eight seconds before she comes over and inelegantly grabs me by the wrist.

nff..

…

..Yknow- I don't mind being out here. Wouldn't mind coming out to wander with you under just about any other circumstance, but as it turns out, it isn't horribly easy traversing a forest with only one damn arm..

…

..whatarewe even d-?

"Rox, what are we trying to find out here?" I huff, shaking bits of bark and mold off my hand from grabbing a tree branch a moment ago.

"What?" Roxanne asks genuinely, looking over her shoulder at me further down the path.

"Where are we going?"

…

"We're not really going anywhere, just-.. We're just going somewhere to talk, right?"

"I followed you into the woods because I thought we were trying to get out of the wind, and then you just kept going."

"I dunno- Nowhere we've been has felt like a good place to talk yet." Roxanne answers, turning the rest of her body toward me.

"We just needed to be out of Friendo's earshot."

"Well yeah- I know, but.."

..Roxanne plants her hands on her hips and looks around, sighing with a mix of satisfaction and thoughtfulness.

"…"

"I mean – it kinda feels like we're in the middle of something here, right?"

…

I let go of a submissive exhale this time, willing to grant her reasoning some breathing room.. As much as I'd like to call her words ludicrous, I get what she means.

Branches and shrubbery poking out at us from every direction, leaves and disheveled dirt beneath our feet, plant-leaves brushing our ankles, nowhere to sit or even just laze around; we really are in the thick of it at the moment. Right where we're standing doesn't really feel like a "stopping point"..

…

"..Alright, sure; I'll follow you.." I concede, slowly starting to walk again to signal her to do the same. "..But we can talk about some stuff while we move."

"That's fine. Are you okay?" Roxanne asks, already having turned around to keep going.

"Yeah; nothing. Fussy about not having my other arm to help move around with, but the only part that really makes any difference is having to fight my muscle memory."

Roxanne hums, though seemingly too busy thinking about something to properly intake the latter part of my sentence.

"Mm.. We won't go very far; I don't really have a place in mind."

"Sure."

"Here- come up here."

Without even really meaning to, I comply. Roxanne stopped in her tracks for a moment and I nonchalantly continued walking up until I was side-by-side with her.

"Why – is there something..?" I wonder out loud, looking into the trees ahead for something she might be making this judgement about.

"No; just getting you up here so we can walk together."

I reflexively look to my side again, finding the wolf there; staring ahead and matching my pace.

"Mm.."

..I guess the path does widen up a bit. And it's a little easier to have a conversation this way..

…

Naturally, my gaze shifts forward again; taking in the surroundings a bit more carefully now that we're both equally responsible for where our feet will take us.

..The woods eliminated all the wind, which is a good thing, but it also consequently rid us of a lot of natural light.. Our eyes have long adjusted by now, so it's not a big deal, and it's a bright night out tonight, but only the treetops are getting the brunt of that light; leaving us with a scenic view, and only scraps of light to use to avoid stumbling over everything.

…

..It's cold.. But otherwise, it's pretty nice being out here..

A cool body temperature, naturally, doesn't affect me as much as it normally would someone normal; and Roxanne's got a coat of fur going for her, so that helps stave the chill out from her bones.

..Y'know, I could have sworn she used to hate the cold.. But those eyes seem to lack any sign of it bothering her.

..Half-lidded eyes, too; easily distinguishable from the moonlight reflecting off only half the orb.. Judging by Rox's attitude towards wandering out here, it doesn't seem to be the result of boredom or indifference. It really is late, even by 'late' standards; it wouldn't surprise me too much if she's just sleepy.

…

"Most people buy tickets to stare at me this long."

Riveting.

"You look tired." I comment.

"I am tired."

"Sorry."

"No- Not because of you; shut up." Roxanne chuckles, playfully bumping my shoulder while we walk.

Wasn't trying to be funny there. Not telling her that, either.

..That was almost jarringly warm and lighthearted, though.. Something must've put her in a better mood.

…

..In a comfortable silence, I look ahead again and glean some pleasure from the walk..

…

"Heyy Mike?"

"Yep..?"

"Help me understand what you meant earlier, about my love and hate thing." Roxanne's voice nonchalantly pierces the surrounding darkness with a lighter tone, making an unusual ambiance. Like having a conversation in a pitch black room.

"What about it?"

"You said love isn't good, and hate isn't bad. Or something to that effect."

"I didn't mean they couldn't be good or couldn't be bad; all I really meant is that feelings are just feelings." I reply, defensive of how edgy she made me sound.. "The context you feel them in might make them good or bad depending on the situation, I think."

"Hate always feels bad. That's fundamental of, y'know, the feeling." Roxanne retorts, lazily lifting a finger and looking up at me to tell me where she wants to go.

"Right- I don't mean how it feels to feel hate, or love. Uhm.. I mean whether it's smart to act on those feelings, I guess.."

"How good is it to act on a bad feeling?"

"Bad feelings exist almost exclusively to get you to act. Hunger, loneliness, pain; hate is just another one of those."

"No it isn't - those are all clear cut things, and hate isn't."

"..What do you mean..?"

"Hunger tells you that you need to eat. Loneliness tells you that you need company. Pain means you need to stop whatever's hurting you, or focus your efforts on healing. Hate doesn't have an 'answer', though; at least not a universal one. It's different."

"I think hate has an identifiable solution, At least a common one."

"You can hate a lot of things that have nothing to do with each other, Mike. It'd take something really special to unite them all under some obscure ultimate endgoal."

"There are feelings that refer to the longing for something you don't have, or otherwise doesn't exist. Such as envy, longing, or lust. I think Hatred refers to the opposite."

"Explain."

"Hate tells you that you need something to stop existing."

A small breeze slips through the trees, briefly filling our bodies with a deep, but subtle chill.

…

"..Mm.." Roxanne hums, undeterred from her path, but perhaps a little off-put.

"Most commonly, the reason you hate something will be because it's trying to take away something that you love, but what you said earlier is also right; there's a lot of different ways you can hate something.."

"Well now you're making it sound sinister, which isn't what I originally said.."

"Mm.. I guess it's pretty common for it to be sinister, yeah.. From what I can tell, it's very, very easy to get consumed by hate instead of simply using it as the driving force it's meant to be, so it's not exactly 'rare' to see an objectively bad instance of hatred out in the world."

"So it is a bad thing, like I said?"

"No. It's necessary." I respond, unintentionally defaulting to being a little flat talking about something so dangerous yet needed. "Evil exists, in far more ways than what's expressed in fairytales. There are things in the world that needs to stop existing. There are people who truly do deserve to die. Hate, if controlled properly, is the most effective way to get that to happen."

"Well aren't you a ball of sunshine."

"Sorry. I'm something of a source material.." I half-joke, itching the back of my neck.

..Roxanne takes a second to ponder that statement, before I see her subtly nodding to herself in my peripheral.

"..oh I get it.."

Mneh.. I shouldn'tve brought this up if I didn't want to talk about it, but I reap what I sow..

"Yeah.. For a little while, before I died, it was a mixture of a million different conflicting feelings and fears that pushed forward.. I wish I could say something more heroic or valorous, but after I died, the only thing I remember feeling anymore was a perfect Hatred.." I admit, despite this already being something we both likely knew from the start. "..I stopped caring so much about things like who to save, how to save them, how to stop my father, how to keep other innocents from dying, ect.. I just wanted it all to burn, until there was nothing left."

"You included, huh.."

"Me and my father especially."

…

..Roxanne releases a tired sigh from beside me, discontent by something.

"..I still don't like talking about this kind of thing; you know that.."

…

"I suppose I do, yeah.. Sorry, I got caught up again."

"It's not your fault – it's just that all of that is way more fucked than anything should ever be, in more ways than I can wrap my head around. I know it's all bad enough that it's upsetting to think about, but on top of that, it's also so unbelievably confusing and ridiculous that it just hurts too much to wrap my head around. So every time I think about it, I end up sad and hurt. That ain't great."

"I know.."

"No, you don't know."

…

"..I, um.. I don't mean to sound dense or unsympathetic, but.. I do think I know this time.." I repeat, well familiarized with the impossibilities of my fathers work having such dramatic effects on my life.

…

"..You're probably right, sorry.." Roxanne sighs, discontent.

"No problem – it's been a long day. We'll change topics through – I've got nothing more to say about that one for the time being."

"Hold on - help me up first.."

"Help you-..?"

...

..Oh, we are.. not where I thought we were..

Upon snapping out of my thoughts, I finally recognize that Roxanne and I have strayed off from any natural trail during our conversation. I shouldn'tve zoned out and let her take charge.

...

I stare at her for a few seconds. Thankfully she, at the very least, acts like she's been paying attention to where we're headed.. Though I guess it doesn't really matter in the end. I'd still like to be capable of heading straight home once we're done out here, instead of wandering until we reach the edge of the forest and figuring it out from there, which could take.. I 'unno, hours..

...

"You're staring at me an awful lot tonight, freak."

"I haven't been paying attention to where we're going." I comment, ignoring Roxanne's shameless attempt at getting a reaction out of me.

"Up there, unless you wanna walk around."

Ah..

...

Out of all the paths Roxanne could choose to take from here, up the nearly-vertical fifteen-foot rooty dirt ledge we're standing next to is apparently the option that called out to her the most..

I guess we've been walking next to something of a small creek for a while; we must be in the small ravine it's eroded out over God knows how long. Cool.

"What's up there?" I ask, subconsciously already crouching into position next to the ledge.

"Forest, believe it or not."

"Riveting."

"It's the same direction we've been going. I wanna keep going this way - it keeps things linear." Roxanne answers through a grunt of effort, finding her balance on my hand.

...

- hff.. -

...

It may have cost me the muscle integrity of my remaining arm, but with the boost to her jump, she's already pushed her upper body up over the ledge and clambers onward without much trouble.

..I might've had to dip into hysterical strength a bit to get that to happen.. I was already in position to boost her by the time I realized I only had one arm to throw her with, and the social obligation prevented me from bringing it up..

A little bit of joint damage never killed anybody.

It builds character. Makes you stronger, and teaches you discipline.

And also it probably kills people.

…

"..We had to go scale walls the day I'm down an arm?"

"Well I'm already up here, so either we're moving on or I'm moving on." Roxanne dictates, dangling one of her legs down the ledge.

..Sigh..

...

I reach up, tightly grabbing her ankle. When I do, Roxanne does her best to push herself up the remainder of the cliff; allowing me to effectively rappel a few feet up before I can reach the top of the ledge on my own.

"Look at you, using your powers for good." I grunt, awkwardly pulling myself up with the assistance of a root judding out the side of the wall.

"I'm using them for you, and I'm not calling you good."

"I'm touched."

"You're filthy, is what you are."

"This dirt we scrambled up is, in fact, made of dirt."

"I didn't get it all over my top."

"This Mike you scrambled up is, in fact, made of one arm." I exhale through a relieved breath, brushing myself off.

"One arm too many, I'm starting to fuggin' feel."

"Thought I'd earn a little bit of appreciation for lifting you up a dirt wall with only one hand."

"I'm not heavy." Roxanne 'reminds', already wandering off onward.

"Uh-huh.."

"Fuck you- what? Something you wanna say about me?"

"I didn't say anything."

"Damn right."

...

"You are horrifically obese. Fat, to the extent of challenging our previous conceptions of the term."

"Mike."

"The great and mighty whale. A continental landmass of flesh and fur. A hamplanet, with an infamous orbit that dooms any object that draws too near to be lost in your carb rolls forever."

"What the fuck are 'carb rolls'?"

"Nothin'.. How much further do you think we can go without making it unrealistically far from home?"

…

..In a wonderful demonstration of improved self-control, Roxanne sighs under her breath before dropping the topic from before.

"I don't know. Nowhere feels like a good place to stop."

"I understand that, but by now we've got to be running out of time."

"Until what?"

"Until we're up so late that our chances of a meaningful sleep start to drop."

"It's fine – you said we've got nothing on the schedule tomorrow.." Roxanne carelessly dismisses, slowing to a stop and looking through the foliage. "..But I don't know where a good place to stop might be, I get that.."

I reach her side and stop as well, watching her turn her head like a sentry in the night..

Which is to say, this is a fruitless endeavor.. Sight isn't gonna be something we can reasonably rely on in this darkness.

…

"..Hey.." I quietly call out, turning my head a certain direction.

"I'm still here."

"You can hear particularly well, can't you? Because of those ears?"

…

I don't need to look at her to tell she's giving me a horribly suspicious and distrusting side-eye for saying such an odd series of topics.

…

"..Yes?"

"Do you hear the trees blowing over there?"

"It's hard not to."

"I mean specifically in that direction, and more so than the other trees around us."

Roxanne looks at me like I'm starting to deteriorate, before staring in the direction I am. Her ears quite literally perk to the top of her head and point forwards, like an attentive cat.

…

"I do.. What does that mean for us?"

"The leaves aren't being blown around as much around us because of how all the other trees are blocking the wind."

"I know that. Why-? Does that mean there's something over there? Is an animal over there..?" Roxanne asks lightly but seriously, staring in the direction with concern just in case there really is a dangerous animal over there.

"As far as I'm aware, there aren't any animals around these parts that are known to get the wind to blow harder on a certain set of trees.."

"Fuck you, Mike – Just tell me."

"If it's quiet around here because the trees are blocking the wind from each other, I'm wondering if it being louder over there means that it's the edge of the forest or maybe just a clearing, where the wind can pick up for a moment and hit the trees with more force."

"Oh.."

…

"I mean- I don't know that; I'm just guessing since it's louder over there."

"Little scientist man.." Roxanne quietly quips, walking ahead of me before we confirm that's where we're going.

"..I'm not sure 'scientist' is the word for someone who thinks logically for one seventy-eighth of the day." I reply, trailing after her.

"Little stupid man.."

"That is.. probably a marginal step closer.."

With absolutely zero guiding path or pre-existing route, Roxanne and I have to push quite a few shrubs and vines out of our path to the clearing, now visible through the trees.

It makes progress slow, and we have to awkwardly stretch or hop over a few inconveniently placed mounds of fallen sticks and rotten roots, but eventually, the obstacles see only our backs as we peacefully wander out from the last few of the trees.

…

"Pffhuff.. It's seriously bright as day compared to how it was under all the damn trees.." I exaggerate a puff, though unironically feel the need to rub my eyes to adjust for the light difference.

"Hah, this is cool.." Roxanne chuckles to herself, holding her hands down low to brush the tips of the tall-ish grass that exists only in this clearing, apparently. "..This must be what it feels like for a blind man to see for the first time."

That is.. an incredibly ambitious assumption..

…

- fshhHHhh –

Just as Roxanne and I walk out from under the trees completely, the reality of just how windy it is hits us, quite literally. I reflexively hold my arm over my face while Roxanne nearly stumbles entirely; though I guess, at the moment, she had her arms out in a position that's almost asking to catch as much wind as physically possible.

"Yeah- alright, Jesus.. Perfect talking conditions.."

"Fuck me- it's cold..!" Roxanne exaggerates, immediately taking a half step behind me to break some of the wind, before deciding that she needs to be leading the charge of literally everything we do and forging on ahead.

"Where are you hoping to go?"

"We did all that work to make it to the clearing, I'm going into the damn clearing."

…

I trudge after her..

..'trudge'.. I should have expected that to happen to me at some point..

…

Thankfully, it does appear we just happened to stumble out the same time a powerful gust picked up; gradually granting us much mercy from the wind, though it remains very prevalent still..

"Hehe.."

That's a terrible fuckin' sign.

Roxanne hops forward a couple big steps, like a dog prancing after a butterfly in a field.

I don't exactly run after her, seeing as it awards her ten total feet of distance between us.

"..Having fun?"

"Yes – it feels good out here; the grass tickles."

"It's gonna itch once we get back home."

"You are such an unbelievably pessimistic pussy - come on."

"Alright." I drone, unable to help but smirk a bit at the sight. "..It is a little extra beautiful out here tonight, fine."

I mean that, too. The moonlight beams, more than simply outlining everything down here, but fully illuminating it to some extent. The pale light reflects erratically off the swaying grass and dancing trees, the latter of which moves in perfect harmony the melody their leaves continue to sing for them in the wind.

As if a medium performing an artistic take on the divine light it reflects, the rapid glints and flashes from all directions somehow do nothing to irritate. In fact, they're almost soothing, as if my eyes are somehow healing via their exposure to the lights.

One by one, while I recognize the scenery for its artistic novelty, the chill the wind blows upon my skin begins to grow almost pleasant. As if it's cold water slipping down my throat and spreading throughout my whole body, revitalizing it, and filling me with an eager but steady energy.

..How nice..

…

- pomf -

There goes that moment.

Whoops..

I turned on autopilot and never stopped trekking forward, inevitably bumping into the one thing there is to bump in this tiny field. My materialistic trauma wolf.

I look ahead, reflexively raising my hand as an immediate 'whoops' and expecting to find myself facing the back of a stumbling canine. I do not. Roxanne's standing perfectly stable. She's already facing her whole body toward me with crossed arms, looking up at me with a coy smile like she was expecting this.

"Wow."

"Sorr-"

"I've been standing perfectly still for the last twenty seconds. You had all that time to see that the two square feet of earth in this whole clearing that had anything for you to bump into was directly in your path, but no – you hobbled forward in an unwavering straight line until you slowly stumbled into me."

"..Wolf."

"That's a memory I'm keeping forever. Dumbass."

"You didn't even try to move?

"I wanted to see if you really wouldn't notice me. That was like walking into the only light pole in an entire parking lot."

"Happy for yourself?"

"I am pretty happy with how that turned out, actually. You're stupid." Roxanne happily hums, spinning on her heel and pressing onward to reach what is presumably the center of the clearing.

..Wonderful..

…

Once again, I walk after her. It takes me no more than a couple seconds to be standing practically beside her, since she seems content to stroll and enjoy the experience rather than simply walk from point A to point B.

"..Your hair looks nice in the moonlight.. The natural grey compliments the light; it almost looks like it's glowing,instead of being illuminated by the moon." I comment, making an observation but doubling it as a conversation topic.

"Aww. Mike." Roxanne chortles happily, in much lighter mood than she's been all day.

"..?"

"That was sweet." Roxanne chimes, making light of the scenario, but still being sincere. "And 'sweet' isn't something you are to mevery often. Now you've made me regret making fun of you. Well played."

"I wasn't trying to be sweet. Nor play some sort of guilt-gamewith you.."

"Mmm - Not even an ulterior motive behind it. That just makes it sweeter."

"..You never say the word 'sweet'.. You're starting to worry me.." I dryly comment, awarding myself a giggle from this walking anomaly.

"Well maybe I just want to reinforce the positivity." Roxanne warmly replies. Seemingly out of the blue, the moonlight abruptly glints just a touch brighter for no obvious reason; only for a brief moment.. One of Roxanne's eyes reflexively twitch slightly in response to the unexpected subtle change, and I can see it catch her attention.

"Telling me you're trying to condition me is usually a bit counterintuitive towards that very goal."

"I'm being honest to you. Not g-.."

Arbitrarily, Roxanne ends her thought; interrupting whatever her point was with a short, soft, but notably off-time inhale. It sounded like the worlds least urgent gasp, or maybe even just a particularly-quick first half of a sigh.

..I continue letting my sights wander around the surrounding woodland before the silence draws my curiosity back to the noisebox standing a few meters ahead.

She's stopped walking, and her head is tilted back; staring over the treeline with no obvious motion outside of her breathing and swaying with the wind.

…

"..You okay?" I ask, casually; stopping behind her a couple meters back.

"Yes I'm okay." Roxanne huffs back like it's obvious, her voice a touch breathy for some reason.

"You were saying something?"

…

Still positioned diagonally behind her, I don't see much of the wolf's face, but I do see her head shake ever so slightly; as if gently chiding me in her mind for trying to continue the conversation in light of what's going on.

Unfortunately, what's'going on' is currently completely beyond me. I'm about to follow her gaze upward, until she continues and elaborates for me instead.

"Mike, what is *that*..?" Roxanne breathes, outstretching her arm diagonally into the sky for me to follow. Already halfway to looking up that direction anyway, I'm quick to do so.

It takes me a moment, since I was looking for anything in the sky that isn't supposed to be up there; half expecting a glowing fleet of alien starships to be floating there to kill us all.

Though after only a couple seconds, I see what it is that caught her attention, and for the briefest moment, I feel my breath bump arrhythmically in my lungs as well.

The night sky out here is, of course, a pretty stunning sight on its own. Thanks to how isolated my place is from any largely populated townships and whatnot, a blanket of innumerable piercing lights litter the sky; but this time, that's not all.

There's something else, just barely peeking out of the void. It resembles a fracture. It's like the Earth is a giant snowglobe, and what I'm looking at is a faded crack in the glass.

Given the incredible distance, it looks pretty small from where we stand. However, with all the stars in the sky putting things into scale, it could not be clearer how immeasurably massive this shape truly is.

"Heyy.." I chime like I'm impressed; putting my hands in my back pockets as I stare into the sky. "..That's a treat.. Usually don't get to see that kind of thing out here – not unless there's a power outage nearby.."

"What *is* it?" Roxanne impatiently repeats, her eyes hopelessly locked to the lights.

"It's a small bite of our galaxy. The Milky Way." I contentedly reply, pointing up at it despite knowing she isn't looking back at me. "See how white it is?"

…

"Holy shit, Mike."

"What?"

…

"It's beautiful."

I can't help but glance back down at her, a little amused at how sincere she said that. I can't even remember the last time Roxanne spoke 'extremely positively' about something; much less to the degree that she doesn't even try to hide it within a casual statement, and instead flat out expresses how much she's enjoying something in a humorless use of simple vocabulary.

…

"..I suppose it does have some stopping power, especially if you're seeing it for the first time.." I nonchalantly concur as I look back up, moreso just saying that to respond instead of actually contributing to an informative conversation.

…

"Mike." Roxanne blinks a couple times, before managing to tear her eyes back down, then turn over her shoulder to look at me exasperatedly.

"What?"

"Fuckin'- just 'fail to ever mention anything about this', why don't you?" She lightly chides through a breathy voice, arms exaggerating a gesture towards the visible shard of the Milky Way.

"Mention what – the sky?"

"Yes the fuckin' sky – look at it."

"..I get this is probably your first time seeing the Milky Way, but you've seen the sky plenty of times.." I banter back, holding my arms out a bit from my sides defensively.

"This is not what 'the sky' looks like." Roxanne nonsensically claims, looking back up at it herself. "I have seen the sky, countless times – but this isn't what the sky looks like.. It's so, f-... Mike- there's *millions* ofstarsout here..!"

"Mm.." I hum, considering what the hell that's supposed to mean. It only takes me a moment, considering the answer is so impossibly juvenile that I should have understood this the moment Roxanne looked at the sky. "The Pizzaplex is practically in-town, I suppose.. There's probably enough light pollution around there to dim the sky, at least a bit."

…

"..Mike – it is so.." Roxanne fails to finish, just shaking her head softly as she stares up at the lights.

I respond only respond with an inaudible huff out my nose, continuously amused by this display of wonder.

…

..The silence lasts longer than the moment of humor did. I continue to wait for a follow-up, or for something else to happen, but Roxanne doesn't move. She remains standing there, staring up at the sky like a statue.

It subtly takes me by surprise how much this is actually captivating her. It's not quite like a trance – she's still there and responsive, but she's consciously choosing to remain still and look at the stars.

…

And, before I even realize it.

I'm lost in the sights, too.

I've been looking down at Roxanne, pondering her reaction to all this, but along the way something started to creep up on me.

…

..I tear my eyes from the back of her head, watching my surroundings for a moment.

Then, yet another cold breeze hits me head on, forcing the chill air into my lungs and throughout my body. The subtle bite I feel from the cold on my skin fills me with vitality, and it's then that something seems to click.

As if to add further sensory elements to the gust, the trees bend, and the leaves sing all at once when the chill spreads across my limbs.

It's a little hypnotizing, how they all move at the same time, in the same direction, but with infinite variation between each one. Animate, loud, alive.

The light from the night sky brushes the top of everything, not fully illuminating, but outlining every object, casting the remaining 75% of it into shadow. That same light hits the tree leaves as they shake erratically, resulting in a rapid glowy flicker that reminds me of a light show. As the leaves rustle, they sing with tranquil power, like a chorus. As if a partnership hand-picked by divinity itself, the trees hear the song, and dance. They bend in the wind alongside the rhythm of the wind.

The taller grass flows with just as much ferocity, spared no inch of the moon's half-sided glow. Feeling the bristles brush my lower legs fills my soul with something refreshing. Something that builds up my courage to continue pushing forward through the opposing force, but as the wind opposes me, I feel no need to advance on it; simply exist within it.

Here, in the middle of the clearing, I am surrounded on all sides by the most potent lush of green, turned a melancholic blue by the moonglow. The trees around me feel like walls; protective barriers that protect me from the total unrelenting force of the elements, while tenderly allowing enough of the air and wind to breeze through for me to get lost in the unstoppable will of the tranquil world around me.

Movement consumes every ounce of my vision. Trees bend, leaves flicker, grass sways – it's all utterly unstoppable, loud, and erratic; but somehow, it fills me with only peace.

It all feels right, like a sort of natural energy radiates from every surface – something that distinguishes them from the plastic and concrete walls of civilization. It's all alive.

In a weird way, it makes me feel alive too.

..In the top peripheral of my vision at all times is just a bite of the sky, sitting above the dancing moonlit treeline. An utterly motionless explosion of color and light, paired with the erratic motion of the leaves and grass. A stark contrast, but one that feels all the more pleasant to look at. Like a masterful painter developing a new piece, balancing the different colors and moods on the canvas just right.

…

But one thing is different.

One thing doesn't bend to the dance of the greenery, nor to the stoicism of the sky.

You.

…

Eventually, my eyes once again land upon her. But now that all the elements of the Earth around me have been exaggerated, the Roxanne I'm seeing is nothing like the one I swore I saw before.

The subject of the painting. The final piece of the puzzle, that turns a jarring, imperfect, incomplete expectation of how things should be, into a flawless admirable canvas.

The grass dances around her legs the way water flows around a rock, and the trees sing to her from all directions. Without really trying I find myself staring, admiring how every element of the world around us is working to her benefit in some way.

Roxanne's hair flows behind her, and her clothes flap in the wind, but she remains still; admiring the phenomenon of the sky with wide, attentive, but calm eyes.

And in the reflection of those very eyes, I can see the sky as well. An innumerable display of bright beacons dancing, animated by the movement of those orbs as she looks at different parts of the sky.

The moon's light does something so incredibly celestial for her.

It's as if Roxanne herself is gently glowing. The moon makes a blank canvas out of her plain gray hair as it dances calmly behind her, illuminating it with the most simple yet pleasing color to look at in the world.

..I don't really know what to feel. It's like I'm not 'feeling' anything, only observing, plain and simple.. But if I were just staring indifferently, surely I would have looked at something else by now..

…

..Man, that light..

It's as if she was chosen. As if, tonight, all the unknown forces of the night sky would dress her up as royalty. It feels almost like countless goddesses of the moon and stars chose to bestow a fraction of their divinity upon a mortal tonight, like a kid dressing up a doll.

Roxanne isn't just awash in the moonlight, she's wearing it. Not simply engulfed, but robed in the everglow.. Like a queen bearing the garments that establish her as royalty from a glance.

But this 'queen', a word pointing to an individual of higher standing and authority, royalty.. How does she react to getting crowned like this? What does she do with her superiority to any and all around her?

She stares.

Roxanne stares, up into the sky; immobilized by the things of this universe that are untouchable by our existence. Trapped with feelings that have words, but no expressible definitions.

Small.

Roxanne, robed in the moonlight's divinity, crowned in melancholy, and established as royalty above things unknown, is feeling small.

And how couldn't she, when forced to witness the true scale of the artifacts in space?

She feels insignificant. Pointless.

Hopeless to protect herself from the forces of the sky.

Powerless to influence the invisible hand of the universe.

Unworthy. Unimportant. Irrelevant. Imperfect.

and Alive.

…

..-nn.

Roxanne looks down from the sky, turning her head towards me in one quick motion. The abrupt eye-contact almost physically causes me to recoil, briefly filling my body with a burst of electricity.

I blink once or twice, unsure if I've broken out of a trance or not.

…

The wind gently picks up, thankfully not impacting us all at once like it's had a habit of doing tonight. It doesn't break either of our concentration, though I'm not entirely sure what's being concentrated on.

…

And, just as quickly as it had manifest, the wind dies down once again, quieting the trees' melody.

Roxanne's staring at me with something of a blank expression, though some of it carried over fractions of the wonder she was feeling as she watched the sky. I'm not sure what to say, or even if I should say anything, so I remain in place, waiting for Roxanne to choose where the interaction goes.

I'm unable to read that mind of hers, though by the looks of it I'm not so sure Roxanne herself completely understands whatever's going through her mind. Through sheer physical observation alone, I want to say it looks like she's trying to understand something, but what there is for her to have confused herself about in the last three minutes is beyond me.

…

A thought appears to ring true. I watch from a distance as her eyes subconsciously dilate some in response to her mind developing sense from something.

And as the realization settles in, Roxanne reacts accordingly, perking a bit.

...

..But, for one reason or another, the 'perk' doesn't seem to end right away..

Once again, the wind gradually begins to pick up; the moonlight dimly sparkling in the rustling trees behind us.

Anyway.. Instead of a simple a quick 'perk' in response to an occurring thought, Roxanne's physical reaction to whatever she just thought of is a longer, more meaningful combination of body language.

Over the course of about a second, she covers her heart with her hand; slow enough to express that she wasn't 'startled' per se, but something took her a little by surprise, as if someone just told her something unexpected or particularly touching. Roxanne's expression reflects the same thing; a combination of feeling arbitrarily moved or endeared.

But, of course, I haven't actually done or said *anything*in the last several minutes, so I have little to no idea what she's reacting to.. I suppose I should be glad that the 'me' in whatever fantasy world she's lost in right now filled the role of saying something meaningful, because I sure can't pull something like that off.

…

After gathering herself, I finally see a hint of exchange in her eyes, like her and I are finally communicating instead of having our own individual moments.

I telepathically acknowledge her conscious presence, but I still don't really have much to say. Obviously I'm a little interested in whatever Roxanne was just thinking about, but at a time like this, badgering her for her thoughts doesn't seem like the most atmospherically appropriate thing to do.

…

Roxanne perks a second, much less significant time; addressing me as she takes yet another peek at the sky.

"..Hey, uhm.. I think I get the hate thing we were talking about earlier." Roxanne thoughtfully comments, her voice threatening to get lost in the wind since she isn't speaking in my direction.

I find myself reflexively taking a few steps in her direction to hear her better, though no more than a few.

"..How so?"

"Right before we left the house to come out here, you said that Love isn't always good, and Hate isn't always bad.. I think being out here in the elements or whatever helped me figure out why that makes sense."

"This is a strange thing to bring up out of the blue." I nonchalantly comment.

"Shut up, listen." Roxanne replies, though forgets to add any amount of annoyance or force behind those words. She reflexively raises her arms up in front of her, as if she's going to try visualizing her upcoming point, but only ends up staring at her hands while she speaks. "Hate isn't bad or good, it just 'is'.. It e-"

"Ha."

"Shutup."

"That line sounds like something that'd come from a movie script that's trying to sound smart. Certainly doesn't sound like it'd come from the maw of 'Roxanne Wolf'."

"Mike, shut up."

"Fine."

"What I mean is that Hate just 'exists' sometimes, no different than everything else in the universe, like you, and me; and everything in the sky up there." Roxanne huffs, pushing on through the buzzkill of my bullshittery. "But I don't think it makes sense for anything to be 'good' or 'bad' just for existing. It's why it exists in any given situation that shit like 'morality' starts to apply."

It's hard to take her seriously, considering the words coming from her mouth, but I force myself to consider what she says without laughing.

I watch Roxy for a while, making sure that makes sense in my head before trying to contribute. She looks down to meet my eyes just as I begin to respond.

"..I think that makes sense, sure." I begin, putting my hands in my back pockets as we stand and talk. "..Well - thinking back, actually.. I think I can understand that there are some things that are so unrealistic to justify that you can assume they're bad whenever they exist without having to check the context first.. Maybe Hate is one of those things."

"You're losing me."

"Mm.. Take 'Killing' as an example of the opposite. Killing is generally thought of as a bad thing, but everyone knows there are a lot of situations where killing can be good, like in self-defense. Same kind of thing with robbery, if it's a Robin Hood situation or something."

"Okay?"

"But there's also things like.. trafficking, I suppose.." I explain as nonchalantly as I can manage. "..It's something that everyone can safely automatically assume is evil whenever it appears – no reason to listen to the reasons behind doing it.. It's technically possible for it to be justifiable, but those situations are so rare or so absurd that it's just rendered inexcusable as a fact of life wherever it exists."

"Alright.."

"So when something like that happens, people don't need to know the context to judge it as evil, because there's no realistic scenario where it isn't, is all I'm saying.." I sheepishly conclude, wishing I had chosen a different topic to make an example of. "..Anyway, Hate obviously isn't nearly as inherently evil of a thing, but what I mean is that the same logic could apply, where it's possible that Hate was a good thing, but a situation like that is so unlikely that it's safe for people to assume it's a bad thing wherever it exists."

…

"..No. I don't think so." Roxanne refuses, calmly and confidently. "..I get what you mean, but Hate can be more than just 'not bad', Mike – it can be necessary."

"I understand that, but.."

"The hell happened to us-? How did we swap our arguments? Didn't you say Hate was necessary?"

"Probably, but.. I dunno.. Ha, I think I'm just now taking the time to see things from your original point of view now that you're agreeing with me, and now I'm doubting whether I might be convincing you of something completely false.." I idiotically explain, shifting my position in the grass as I wait for words to arrive for my thoughts.

"You were saying earlier that Hate could be a good thing."

"I'm sure it can be a good thing, but at the same time.. Hate is what got me to kill my brother. Hate is what drove William to doing what he did. Hate is what drove the animatronics to killing anyone who had the slightest resemblance to him; and some didn't even need that.. Some of them hurt people just for the sake of it, and they were driven to that by Hatred..Hate is why all of those kids died, suffered, and-"

"Mike." Roxanne interrupts, evidently catching something and lightening her tone a smidge.

…

"Sorry. Started rambling again."

…

"Okay- look."

"I just meant that it was the mistake I made in hatred that started it all.."

"It was the sacrifices you made in hatred that saved them all, too."

…

..Well..

I scratch the back of my head, looking to the side a bit as I fail to find any points to argue against.

…

"..Mm.. Kinda wish I had a more heroic-sounding motivation behind any 'saving' I did.." I weakly joke.

"I also think Hate is the brain's natural reaction to wanting something to stop existing. So doing any amount of 'destroying evil' like your stereotypical do-gooder hero probably requires at least a little bit of Hate." Roxanne replies, folding her hands behind her and arbitrarily taking steps to close the distance between us.

"Someone became an aspiring philosopher in the last fifteen minutes."

"May-be."

"You've taken more time to think about it than I ever cared to." I comment, reflexively try to cross my arms, and realizing how unconventional that is to do when you're missing half of one.

"Well I'll be in charge of romanticizing emotions, and you can be the one who actually uses them to push you to action." Roxanne chimes, lightly mocking me by crossing her arms like I tried to do once she reaches me. "Feeling emotions is all I'm really good for these days, but I imagine I still got the better end of the deal."

"Maybe. You've got enough cuts and bruises on you that you'd look like the unfortunate canvas of an abstract artist, if it wasn't for your fur. I struggle to call your experience the 'easier one'."

"Mike – you are literally dead."

"I'm-"

"Any comment can possibly make about how beat up I am is immediately obsolete when comparing me with someone who actually died." Roxanne playfully chides.

"Alright, alright, fine." I contentedly recede. "You're allowed to feel a little proud about the amount of gun barrels you've looked down without having died yet, is what I mean. Keeping everything a secret as well as keeping your composure in front of everyone for as long as you have isn't a given – it takes some real constitution to keep your chin up this long."

..Though briefly, Roxanne's content smile wavers for a moment..

"..Mike- I appreciate it, but I've failed to keep my composure in front of you before. Several times today, even."

"That's alright." I begin, casually breaking eye contact and gazing off into the area of the woods we came from. "Far better than losing your composure in front of someone else.. There's still some pride to take in keeping everything in-bounds."

"I'm not about to feel pride about only freaking out on you."

"I know; sorry, that's not what I meant."

"What 'do' you mean?"

I shake my head a little, lowering my gaze to the grass a meter or two in front of me with a weak chuckle.

"..I don't know.."

…

Suddenly, Roxanne's happily contempt face juts in from the top of my view, taking up a significant portion of it.

Startled only enough to blink, I quietly stare back at her in response; wondering how I'd failed to notice the sound of her closing the distance between us.

…

"It's not usually wise to make such a punch-able face when you're this close to somebody." I drone.

Roxanne stifles a giggle with a warm hum, tilting her head up a bit more but staying bent at the waist to keep her head elevation the same. I'm only now noticing that her hands are folded politely behind her back, presumably to contribute to the 'coy' look.

"I think I'm ready to go back home, Mike."

..Go back-..?

…

"Home..?" I parrot like a confused child, blanking for a second. "..Wait – but we haven't talked about anything yet; that's the whole reason we came out here, isn't it?"

"I guess, but.." Roxanne begins, standing back upright, but failing to lose the easygoing smile that seems half-legitimate and half-intended-to-incite-a-reaction-from-me. "..I mean- is there anything we can talk about that you can't already predict how the entire interaction would go?"

...?

The face value of her claim is enough to puzzle me before I even consider what she's saying.

…

"I don't know.. Wasn't there something you were meaning to explain when we were talking by the backdoor?"

If I recall, the moment Friendo went into his room to do whatever the hell he does, Roxanne wasted no time trying to explain somethingabout why she got upset up in my room, I think.. To be honest, she bounced off the wall, and the information coming out of her mouth was like a shotgun blast of sensory input; I struggled to keep up with whatever the 'point' of what she said was.

Roxanne shifts her stance in the grass, as if to express her desire to soon start moving back through the woods in the direction we initially came.

"It was stupid – I was just gonna go on about how bad my day was and how sensitive it made me n' whatever, you know that."

"..Maybe..?"

"Well I'm pretty tired of doing that today, and you've gotta be pretty tired of hearing it."

..Roll with it..

"If you say so.." I half-sigh, shaking my head slightly and poising myself in a way that expresses that I'm ready to follow her.

…

Roxanne, instead, only stares at me a moment longer in response to my dismissive answer.

…

"..'Kay, Mike-.." Roxy huffs, pointing a lazy finger in my direction. "Listen - We 'can' stand out here and make meek apologies to one another for the next half an hour if you'd really like."

"Well no - that's not what I meant, I just-"

"You still like me?"

"The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Do you still like me, Mike?"

"There is no answer I can give you that you won't use against me later."

"Okay-" Roxanne impatiently begins, leaning toward me a set amount. "I'm going to skip this question, because I caught you staring at me a couple minutes ago, instead of staring at the beautiful sky and scenery like I was, and that qualifies as enough evidence for me to answer 'yes' for you."

I stare back with a blank-eyed furrowed brow, progressively losing a grip on reality the longer this conversation drags on.

"..What?"

"Are you still upset with me?"

"Upset with you?"

"Because I got up in your business when you were freaking out upstairs?"

"No I'm not still upset about that."

"Great, and I'm not upset with you about anything either."

"Alright..?"

"So 'I', personally, think it's fuckin' stupid to stay out here and make excuses to each other like when we're already chill."

Oh- Jesus..

..Alright – I get it, but what a complicated 'bit' that was to getting this point across..

…

"..Alright, fine; that seems fair.." I breathe through an exasperated head shake.

…

"Y'know – I'm a little tired of you looking at me like I'm insane." Roxanne lightheartedly chides, apathetically pacing forward.

"I'm a little tired of you being insane." I drone back, following along behind her.

"'Insane' is the only language you understand."

"Maybe, but I was perfectly happy being the only native speaker."

"I wasn't exactly eager to jump in your arms and get to know you when we first met."

"You say that like it's my fault we started tolerating each other." I huff, tilting my head an inch the longer I think about what she said. "..but I dunno'.. If I remember right, you had some 'eager to know me' moments here and there."

"Uh-huh – I was totally ecstatic to have you around. What gave it away? The slur I developed for you? Or was it the way I mixed up my pathing around the Pizzaplex, exclusively to avoid running into you?"

"I distinctly remember being goaded into your room for 'make-up' every night."

"Because I didn't want to be seen associating with a fucking corpse." Roxanne defensively snaps back, looking over her shoulder at me. "I did Chica's make-up too; that doesn't mean I did anything but tolerate her."

"Right, right, of course." I respond knowingly, keeping my eyes forward despite getting a pleasant 'look' from Roxanne.

"..You're a fuckin' chore.."

…

"Say - remember that time you finished doing my make-up, but then started 'pretending' to put more on by hovering the brush an inch away from my face and continuing to do the motions, just to keep me around a little bit longer?"

"I did *Not*." Roxanne immediately energetically refutes, without even tryingto think back.

"I was there."

"Mike, I-.." Roxy stops in her tracks, turning halfway to face me as the accusation settles in; brought to a near uncomfortable froth as the memory agonizingly plays through her brain. "..M-, fuckin. No- That happened 'way' after we had already started warming up to each other, which wasn't my fault."

First of all, that was not 'way after we had already starting warming up to each other'. Second of all..

"The only person who had more interest in avoiding any potential connections than you was me – there is no way I initiated anything with you first. That'd go against everything I've 'lived' for up to that point."

"Yeah- really? You never said anything to manifest some sort of relationship between us? Is that what you think?" Roxanne dismissively chides, continuing to move forward.

"Yes. I voted against having you 'reprogrammed', but that was hardly more than saying 'Nah, I don't want her to die, I just don't like her'." I claim matter-of-factly, feeling the need to get pretty 'punch-able' myself. "After that, you were just sooooo grateful to me for making that choice that you couldn't resist getting closer to your hero – any distinguished 'relationship' between us absolutely didn't come from me."

"Really? How 'bout thirty seconds after Arin left, when you told me that I was 'your favorite~' to make me feel better?"

..I cock a brow as the sound of leaves beneath our feet start to replace our grassy footsteps.

…

"Shit."

Roxanne breaks into a breathy laugh while she kicks through a few of the sticks we had to force our way through to get to the clearing.

"Jesus, Mike."

"Alright, fine – but 'my favorite' wasn't much of a competitive position, and I was still only counting you four main animatronics. I'm pretty sure I still liked Trudge a little more than you at the time.."

"You liked Trudge?"

"Despite my best efforts."

"You always looked like you were tolerating him at best."

"It's hard to appreciate the value of a Trudge until he walks away to do something else and you're left without one."

"Speak for yourself, moron – I've interacted with him plenty, and I never felt the ache to bring him back whenever he starts to leave."

"Mm." I hum, noticing Roxanne's managed to gradually gravitate a meter or so further away from me and consciously matching her increased pace. "I could've been an edge case. It was something of a guilty pleasure, but having him ramble about his day while I went about my night-guard duties helped me feel a little more 'normal', I guess."

"Aww."

"Whatever you're making that noise for, it isn't worth getting dropkicked into a creek by a corpse."

"Who knew you could get lonely."

"It wasn't 'loneliness', I was just- … …"

The banter only grows more passive aggressive the further we disappear into the darkness underneath the swinging trees.

As much as I wouldn't admit this to just about anyone, it's hard to stop the corners of my mouth from curving upward at any given time during our bull.

I can't help it; it's not something I'm used to combatting. Talking to Trudge back then helped me feel normal, sure, but this feels a bit different than that.

The situation we're in, the things happening to us, the changes to Roxanne's behavior, the secrets we keep – it never really stops feeling like we're trekking through the stretches and horrors of hell in snow boots. It's the furthest thing from normal, and there isn't a remedy in the world that can fix that.

But, I can't help but admit that the trek is just a little bit easier when we're bickering and laughing at each other amidst the hellish heat and aching joints.

It feels normal, in a comical sort of way. Like we're bantering over who's a better cook while we're lined up at the gallows with the ropes around our neck.

Maybe I just like the distraction, I don't know.

But, if we really are both doomed to reduce to dust before long, I'd rather the last thing I hear be laughter.

Mm.

"Here – good enough." Roxanne decides, declaring the rooty dirt wall 'rocky enough' at this particular segment for us to descend.

Who could have guessed the steep cliff we scrambled up would still be here by the time we decided to go home. Only a prophet could have foreseen this.

"'Good enough' doesn't particularly cause my heart dance with joy."

"It's fine, we'll be fine."

"We'll be alive if we mess this up, sure." I dryly comment, lazily peering down the edge. "..Though I tend to prefer keeping my standards a little bit higher than that.."

"After you, brave escort."

"I am missing an arm."

"Well it's not gonna miraculously regenerate if I go down first."

"Show me how it's done, wolf – maybe I'll figure something out by watching you."

…

We stare at each other with neutral expressions for a moment, standing along the cliff's edge.

…

"Maybe if I push you, the ankle-deep creek water will break your fall." Roxanne monotonously theorizes, crouching by the ledge in preparation of descending it.

"Maybe. I think we get it a bit easier clambering down than we did climbing up."

"Yeah, 'cause whether we land on our feet or land on our face, we're making it down this damn wall all the same."

"It won't feel 'all the same', I promise you that.."

"Listen, Mike – I don't think I can manifest enough concentration to climb down a wall and listen to you bile out monkey sounds at the same time; shut up for a second."

"I'm as quiet as a mouse."

"A mouse being shot from a cannon into a prime number of glass panes."

"You don't-"

-. -Shit..! -.

As if God himself came down and took a bite out of the terrain, a sizeable chunk of the ground breaks in the shape of a ragged parabola; the roots keeping this plot of dirt in shape snapping from the weight of the two of us on the cliffside together.

My words turn into a startled exhale while Roxanne erupts a short high-pitched gasp as the solid ground beneath our feet practically combusts into little more than fine dirt gravel.

I'm standing but shaken as I find myself a whole foot lower than I was a moment ago, and actively in motion despite not having moved a muscle. As wonderful as it is that I remained on my feet, I'm sinking rapidly enough for chunks of dirt to be airborne up to my ribs by the time I can even register that something happened, and the direction I'm sliding in will very rapidly find me without any earth to slide down.

Roxanne most certainly got the worse end of the deal, having been poised with her leg drooping down the cliff in search of a foothold when the ground gave way. The initial jolt of the ground caving in threw the rest of her lower body down the side of the cliff with her leg, only saved from falling by catching the ledge with her arms. The part of the ledge Roxanne caught herself on is rapidly crumbling, however; threatening to drop her down before she can even register what just happened.

The whole event takes place in less than a second, after which we're both nearly entombed by all the crumbling dirt as the ground we're on continues to descend at an alarming rate.

Not even provided the time to register what just happened, we lose what little balance we had left. I make a quiet grunt as the back of my shoulder collides with the earth I'm rapidly sliding down, and all I hear from Roxanne is a single panicked wavy breath as she disappears over the ledge, along with the ground she was propped up on.

The dirt and dust obscure my vision, and I feel gravity's pull grow ever more powerful with each passing moment until I can no longer feel the friction of the ground below my back at al-

t-ff-..!-

-._.-.

-._.-._.-.

-._.-._

…

A-Alright.. m'kayy…

Tiny bits of dirt continue periodically pelt back as I push my upper body a few inches off the ground, finally opening my mouth to breathe as if I was afraid I'd choke on falling debris if I did so any earlier.

Blinking a couple times to un-blur my vision, I can't help but notice the added weight complicating the 'getting up' process. I appear to have obtained a cozy blanket of whatever earth fell on top of me after I landed at the bottom of the cliff.

Yeah, alright.. That's about as bad as a descent gets..

…

Adrenaline permitting me to ignore most all sensory discomfort at the moment, I look to the side. I'd have to imagine Roxanne got nothing short of encased by all the dirt that fell on her.

…

It takes no longer than a couple of seconds to find her, huffily pushing a large chunk of ground off of her as she sits up.

It seems obvious in hindsight considering how she fell, but Roxanne must've landed on her back. Not that this really changes anything, I just thought I'd note it, considering I landed on my front.

…

"..I was starting to hope that finally rid me of you for good.." I pathetically joke with a raspy-ass voice, wonderfully informing me that I did inhale a little bit of debris on the way down.

"Shut up.." Roxanne responds with a tired chuckle, sliding herself out from underneath all the dirt than landed on her as opposed to trying to push it all off.

"You injured?"

"I'm not maimed if that's what you're asking me." She replies, pulling her legs together and staring up at the crumbling earth wall we were on naught twenty seconds ago. "..But that did *hurt*, yes."

I reckon it did.. A calm and controlled drop from that height would have hurt, let alone ragdolling off a landslide and letting our upper bodies tank the full force of that fall..

I let my head lower back onto the ground for a few seconds, wondering if today will ever actually end.

..The great and mighty Roxanne; showgirl at birth who's had every need fulfilled at a moments notice, described by some as a fashion freak with snarky royalty personality; just fell backwards down a cliff and got buried in dirt..

I understand this isn't exactly a pleasant experience for anybody, but.. I have a feeling this experience is about to become Roxanne's entire personality for the rest of the evening, or however long it takes for her to heal whatever blows she just sustained.. Which could be a while, especially added on top of all the cuts she's still recovering from..

…

..Ugh – listen to me whine.. I'm lucky I'm so resistant to just about anything, and I still feel the cricks and cracks sparsely littered through my body.. Even the most fit adventurer wouldn't be able to fall that height and walk away without a bruised leg, and Roxanne isn't what I'd describe as a seasoned adventurer.. She's usually a little extra dramatic about any physical booboo that wasn't created during a critical point in time, but I'm pretty sure anyone would be a little dramatic after something like this..

Perhaps it's time for a little less justifying and a little more planning for how I intend to tackle this upcoming situation.

…

..Alright, it's fine.. The ground is relatively soft here; actually not the worst place to rest a bit until Roxanne's feeling good enough to continue our trek. No rush, we got allll day to lay around tomorrow..

…

"..I saw you fall; you got it worse than I did.." I drone, debating the pros and cons of sleeping right here on the moist dirt floor. "Make sure you're not broken or anything. We can wait however long you need.. If your legs got hurt, I'll think of some other way of getting home."

"Yeah yeah – shut up already.. Come on."

…

I poke my head up, wondering if that particular wording meant she's asking me to go help her with something.

To my surprise, I catch her just as she pushes off her knees to standing; brushing herself off a couple times before seeing that it's pointless.

"..You're not hurt?" I wonder out loud, quickly pushing myself up and letting the loose dirt fall off me on its own.

"Of course I'm hurt – you see how far up we were?" Roxanne huffs almost like she's amused, gesturing up to the top of the cliff before starting off in the direction of my house again.

"You're good to keep going?"

"Well it doesn't really matter if I'm good or not - your house isn't getting any fukkin' closer, is it?"

"Right – I know, I just meant.."

…

Roxanne turns over her shoulder to look at me in response to my silence, exaggerating a 'What?' shrug after a few seconds.

…

Suddenly, she bursts into a quiet snicker.

"The dirt all over you actually makes your skin look more normal than the subtle shade of purple you usually are." Roxanne notes, rather pleased with this revelation.

I blink at her once, unable to find the words for whatever the hell I mean to say to her.

Despite her remark, Roxanne herself wasn't spared from the dirt redesign whatsoever. The fur does her no favors, and what was previously a canvas of pleasantly simple and gray hair has been turned into a work of abstract art, featuring several different shades of both gray and brown down its entire length. Her face is a bit dirty too, and she's had one eye closed since I saw her get up, but thankfully it doesn't appear to be because of the damage or pain; just to keep the dirt from getting into her eye.

"..Well, I.."

…

"Here– get over here and walk with me. You can tell me whatever you wanna say without mimicing a statue." Roxanne pats her left leg a couple times, as if beckoning me to catch up and walk by her side, before turning back and continuing onward at a standard pace. "And hurry, please. We have more cliffs to fall down."

…

..I..

..For a reason I'm not so sure I could explain, my heart beat stronger for a moment..

…

That was-.. I'm not really sure what word to use.. 'admirable', maybe.. But that word doesn't really feel strong enough for what I watched.

I'm just lucky; my body doesn't transmit pain signals very well in its current state, so there isn't much I can't just walk off. But her.. I was fully prepared to have to plan something out around the fall Roxanne took.. I had already begun trying to think of temporary remedies I could use – like naturally numbing plants, adrenaline, or even just flat out carrying her if I needed to..

…

..But she got right up and kept moving.. Not lacking the pain I thought she'd receive, but pushing through it; all while lighthearted enough to make small quips at me a moment ago.

I can't even tell you for certain that I wouldn't have whined about that fall a bunch if my nerves weren't as fried as they are..

…

..What a fool I was, whining about how big of a deal I was preparing for Roxanne to make out of this.. Hell, in the end, I'm pretty sure the only one who was stuck whining was me..

…

Mm..

..Eventually, my feet carry me forward; pacing somewhere between a speedwalk and a light jog to catch up.

…

..Y'know.. She wasn't always able to do what she just did.. Hell, there was a time where something as small as a cut was enough to ruin her whole day..

…

Roxanne..

..Earlier today, at Arin's house, you wanted to prove to me that you were tougher than I gave you credit for, and that you could handle tough trials and turmoils without my help; all just to demonstrate that you wouldn't hold me back.

From the get-go, I knew that's not how that all works. The situations I'm in are punishing in such a unique way that anything you did to prove that you were tough enough to handle things wouldn't have the effect you're looking for. I understood where you were coming from, but our circumstances are niche.. You wanted to impress your vitality upon me, but with everything I've come to see in my lifetime, I was simply unimpressionable..

…

..And yet.. I stand here, staring like a fool..

..Impressed..

…

The coffee mug clinks as I set it on the dish dryer; the scent of a fresh brew hasn't even had the chance to dissipate yet.

Though the dishes are finished, I find myself staring at the sink for a few more moments..

..It's quiet.. If it weren't for the gentle swinging of the ceiling fan in the living room, I'd think time had stopped..

…

Taking the mug right back out of the drying rack, I grab a dry rag and quietly move to the island separating the kitchen from the living room.. There's no reason to dry this thing myself, but.. I feel as if my hands.. or hand.. just needs something to do right now..

Pretending not to be creepy I gaze emptily at the canine laying across my living room couch, as unconscious and something gets.. We didn't get home particularly long ago, Roxanne simply plopped on the couch as soon as we got back with an exaggerated sigh, just to express how exhausted from the constant movement and clambering outside.

I believe she had every intention of getting back up shortly after, but.. Resting your eyes is a pretty unwinnable risk after a day like this one..

The only lights on down here is the one over the sink I was using a moment ago, and a relatively dim but warm lamp in the opposite corner of the living room from me.. Which is just to say it's pretty dim, but almost cozily so.

..Even while drying the cup, I subconsciously keep every movement I make utterly silent, as if not to break this atmosphere.. It feels like waking up at 4am with guests sleeping over, and being unable to fall back asleep yourself, so you just go about doing whatever it is you feel is appropriate to do in complete silence.

…

..My mind, just.. It just thinks.. Constantly. Calmly. Controllably.. But it won't just stop..

We were doing pretty good when we got home. I was in a pretty good mood, even.. But the moment Roxanne's responses to my banter fell silent, and I realized I was alone, I've just been thinking, about.. well..

..about things I've never thought of before.. I don't know if I like it, or dislike it, or.. I don't know – it's a potent melancholic feeling, but..

..I.. I just don't know..

…

The longer I stare emptily at Roxanne's sleeping face, the more something inside me stirs; like a fragment of my soul that's long been rendered obsolete..

..It's like.. Like misguided hope..For outcomes I know cannot exist.. And I don't know what it means..

All I know is that, in the very weakest corners of my brain, some things are slipping into my thoughts that just shouldn't.. Futures where I'm-..

…

..Sigh..

…

..All I've ever known is a future dictated by the actions I took in the past.. It's always been my obligation – my responsibility to dedicate every decision I ever make to this effort, that can never truly be vanquished completely..

Now, every once in a while, for a brief instant the moment I try to imagine my future, I catch the barest glimpse of the friends I have now being there with me.. A future where my debts, however unpayable they may be, can eventually be channeled off my shoulders with my friends, instead of handled without them.. And from there, something pokes out at me, like the smallest spark of a new sensation.. One I can only attempt to describe as 'fulfillment'..

Futures like these.. I've never even dared to try imagining them before, but..

Watching rebel strings of Roxanne's hair flow over her face in the minimal wind coming from the ceiling fan.. Watching her fingers subtly contract and relax in her sleep.. Watching her take any amount of comfort on the couch of someone who's damn near taken everything from her on several occasions..

..It makes me wonder.. It makes me dare to consider that.. maybe..

…

..Maybe my fate is.. silver-lined..

Maybe there is hope for a future other than closure in an inferno.. Liberation from this endless endeavor.. Peace, despite all the souls who I took that away from..

After all this time searching through a hurricane, I occasionally feel a fleeting glimpse of hope that I may one day finally reach its edge, and once again traverse the calm open ocean..

Hope.. For future with you, wolf.. For a future with you, and all of our friends..

…

..Ha.. After everything.. I think I'm starting to see it..

A silver line..

A silver line.. for Michael Afton..

…

I set the rag and mug off to the side, before gently planting my hand on the marble countertop of the island, as if to hold myself up in a moment of weakness.

…

..Ohh..

…

-._.- ..oh how I HATE the silver line.. _.-

…

..How it keeps lulling me in.. How it keeps fooling me into believing the fruits of my efforts have grown closer..

It gives me scraps, until it's just enough.. Just enough for me to have something to fight for.. Just enough to keep me from breaking off.. This truly malicious 'hope' guides my hand toward decisions that I'm not in any position to make..

It tells me I just have to work hard.. I just need to do it 'right' this time..

I've worked hard. I've done everything right.

It's no closer than before.

It never gets closer.

What does that make the sacrifices I've made for the sake of progress? What are they, if there is no progress?

Like a carrot on a stick; I see the rewards. I see it, and I'm willing to go the distance for it.

I cross deserts, plains, mountains, until my bones crack, and by legs fail.

..But it's right there.. I'm almost there..

All I have to do is go just a little bit further.

…

..But I can never earn my place in time..

..Your state of mind is never truly in phase with mine..

But I can't stop now.. Not when I'm this deep..

I need to fight. What I give up if I don't is something I cannot afford.

…

..Perhaps this is all deliberate.. Maybe retribution for those who's lives came to an end..

Maybe my punishment for their end is to never be permitted an end to call my own.

A war with no victory. A war with no defeat.

Only the fighting.

…

I blink at my hands a few times, noticing my re-establishment with reality.

…

..I didn't use to have moments like this..

…

..Roxanne didn't, either..

…

Mm..

Pushing myself off the counter, I let my mind flow for a while.. Funnily enough, it seems to have calmed down quite a bit on its own after I let the thoughts run their course..

…

..I think it's about time I finally went to bed..

I pace silently around the island, peering into the living room for a little bit before deciding there's no real reason to wake the wolf up if all I'd be doing is telling her to go to sleep somewhere else.

…

I find myself leaning on the wall, without really even thinking about it.

..Glad Roxanne had no trouble sleeping tonight; that's most certainly not a guarantee for either of us anymore.. Though, after a day like this one, I have a feeling sleep will come easy once I lay my fat head down..

…

..It was nice, going outside with her tonight.. It wasn't even supposed to be anything more than a precaution to prevent Friendo from overhearing us, but it turned into an adventure..

..And adventures are fun, I suppose..

…

My gaze slowly raises from the deceased canine, up to the window hovering just above the back of the living room couch.

..It was pretty tonight, too.. I can't believe Roxanne caught me acting all indifferent to it at first, when I'm the one who claims to prefer natural beauty over just about anything else..

And I'll tell you what – the Milky Way was a wonderfully timed treat. Just what we needed to kinda bump our perspectives together again.. Crazy what something so trivial as 'how beautiful the sky is' can effect..

I hunch my head a bit, trying to see over the treeline in vain hope that the Milky Way might still radiate overhead somewhere. One last glimpse of it in solitude might help; I've always had an easier time getting immersed on my own.

…

..That's not a Milky Way – what is that?

…

Curiosity driven, I take a couple silent steps toward the window; carefully teetering over any furniture I might otherwise accidentally jostle.

…

..There's something.. The trees are blocking it – but whatever it is, it's not quite as natural to find in the night sky as the other things we've stumbles across today.. It's a noticeably more vibrant color..

…

..Oh – it's orange, it-..

…

Hello Mr. Sun..