Chapter 245 – Dee's Frustration

After Dee had left, Joe and Doug finished their coffee and then looked around. It had been the first time that Doug had been in the cafe, but he saw that it was a nice cozy kitchen, even if it was a bit tight, but from what he had gathered, it was a temporary thing as Frank was working on an expansion.

"Jack and Elizabeth are fine at the house alone." Doug said. "I was wondering if you wanted some help with the expansion?"

"I would love that." Frank said. "As a Mountie, I know you probably know what you are doing."

"I also worked on my uncle's ranch." Doug said. "I know my way around a hammer and nail."

"Then I would love the help." Frank said. "Maybe we can visit a bit more and I can get to know you since it sounds like you will be around. Jack and Elizabeth are important to this town, so if you are important to them, then you are important to us."

"That sounds great." Doug said. "I haven't got to spend a lot of time with other people, but that is okay."

"I should check in with Bill." Joe said. "But if he is okay, then I might change out my serge and come back and help as well."

"Perfect." Frank said. "Then maybe we can get a couple walls up. I have the foundation and floor set. I was going to start with the wall sections today if I was able."

"Joe." Wynn said. "You help Frank and Doug. I need to go have a conversation with and I need to figure out where Jacobs is."

"I think he was spending the day with the cadets." Joe said. "He also said something about checking out the mill and the men working."

"Good." Wynn said. "As much as we should be working in the office, we also need a break."

"Then take a break." Abigail said. "We worked this morning and we all have gotten a lot done this week. You are entitled to enjoy your weekend."

"I totally agree." Elizabeth Rose said.

Wynn shook his head because he knew that his wife thought he worked too hard and spent too much time in the office so she was going to encourage him to relax every chance she got. As Elizabeth Rose was helping in the kitchen a thought struck her and it literally stopped her in her tracks. Ann and Patty noticed and exchanged a look. Patty went over to her friend and bumped her hip with her own.

"What are you thinking about?" Patty asked.

"Something that Wynn and I talked about years ago." Elizabeth Rose said. "I was just wondering if it was too late or if it might actually be the perfect time."

"What are you talking about?" Patty asked.

"I will talk to you about it later." Elizabeth Rose said. "There are too many people here right now.

Frank, Doug and Joe picked up their dishes and then headed outside. Joe headed to change out of his serge and grab the tool box that Jack had in the jailhouse.

Jack and Elizabeth spent the afternoon catching up on things. Elizabeth got all the grading done that she had. She had even started some more on her stories. Jack had spent some time on his guitar and then he was working on something in his sketchbook. He then set those aside and was working on something in a leather bound journal similar to what Elizabeth used.

They had soup for supper and then Jack did a steam treatment and laid down for a bit, because he was feeling all the activity that he had done. He had wanted nothing more than to invite Elizabeth to take a nap with him, but he knew that it would lead to other things and he had already pushed it and should really rest. Elizabeth was thinking the same thing, which is why she told Jack that she wanted to work on her stories.

Elizabeth wasn't surprised when her aunt and Patty knocked on the door and came in mid afternoon. They had a large basket with them.

"We are cooking a large family meal here tonight." Patty said.

"Who is all coming?" Elizabeth asked. "We don't have enough chairs."

"We got it sorted already." Elizabeth Rose said. "When Wynn and a couple of the other guys get here, they are going to bring the table over from Lee and we are going to use it as well. The guys will return it after we eat."

"Who is all coming?" Elizabeth asked.

"You four." Elizabeth Rose said. "You two. David, Andrew, Doug, Joe and Jacobs. Frank said he would stay and supervise the cadets at the cafe. David and Andrew are taking the stagecoach out of town tomorrow after services to get to Buxton so they can maybe get on a trail on Monday evening. They also have things that they need to take care of in Buxton on Monday and then again when they get to Union City before they can head back. As much as they would like to spend more time with everyone, there are things that they need to take care of as you know."

"I know." Elizabeth said. "I have a feeling that they will be back this fall."

"I think so as well." Elizabeth Rose. "Maybe if we all do it right, Sophie and Melissa can travel with them."

"I would love that." Elizabeth said.

"I know that you would." Aunt Elizabeth said. "Wynn hasn't announced it, but the annual Mountie Ball will be the sixteenth of December in Union City, so you and Jack are going to need to figure things out and come. It is a week before your first anniversary and it would be nice to get away since you never had a honeymoon. I would suggest that you get a suite at the Grand Hotel for a few days and you can have a mini get away before the Ball."

"I will put it on the calendar." Elizabeth said. "I will still be on leave after the baby, so it might be nice to get away for a few days. We will just have to see what happens."

"We are planning on coming out obviously." Elizabeth Rose said. "Maybe if things work out, we can be in Hope Valley for Christmas again. Maybe I can convince Sophie and Andrew to join us. I know that she would opt out of the Ball, but maybe with the house, she would be willing to come out here."

"I would love a huge family Christmas for this little one's first Christmas." Elizabeth said, putting her hands across her growing mid-section.

"That was what I was thinking." Elizabeth Rose said. "I just thought I would give you a heads up so you can plan."

"Thank you." Elizabeth said. "There is so much that needs to happen between now and then. How do you think that Viola and Mother are going to react when I tell them that I can't come for the wedding. So far I haven't said anything. I was going to wait until later this spring. I mean the truth of it is that she never really asked, but just informed me what I was going to be doing."

"I think your mother will be disappointed, but understanding if you explain that you have been told you can't travel due to your pregnancy." Aunt Elizabeth said. "Viola, well she will be her typical self and blame you for ruining everything. If everything is ruined because you are not there, that is her fault."

"I am afraid to tell them." Elizabeth said. "But I know that I have to. I just know that it is going to lead to another fight the next time we get together."

"I will be there for you." Aunt Elizabeth said. "Viola will be difficult, but you know how to shut her down. You probably won't have to see her or your mother until you come to Hamilton in October, so don't worry about it. You will already have the baby and that baby might be just what softens your parents' attitude."

"I didn't think about that." Elizabeth said. "To be honest, I hadn't even thought about introducing my new baby to my parents. There is a part of me that thinks that they don't deserve it after the way they have treated me."

Aunt Elizabeth knew what her niece was talking about, but hoped that she would take the time and effort to introduce her children to her parents. She thought it might be the only thing that would soften her brother's heart. Then a second thought occurred to her – what if it made her brother more controlling. She knew that she was going to have to talk to both her husband and her brother.

"For now." Aunt Elizabeth said. "Let's just have a nice supper. David and Andrew are leaving tomorrow and it sounds like some of the other Mounties might be leaving this week as well. We will just have to see. Charlotte took off this morning, but we are going to be here until we get the all clear about the escaped prisoner, so we will still come help you in the afternoons. Maybe if you stay all day, we can focus a little more on helping the children that need more help."

"I like that idea." Elizabeth said. "Maybe once you get supper going, we can sit down and go over lesson plans. I am finally caught up on grading."

"Good." Patty said. "I will be here as long as your aunt is. However, I am really enjoying this small town and wouldn't mind coming back."

Elizabeth filed that information away. She had wanted to ask Patty if she wanted to work for them, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to say. She knew that with her last name and a recommendation from Wynn she could get a contract with the National Protection agency and pick her long term security.

Dee got to the cabin and was happy to see that it had a pump there. He quickly got Thor settled and took his stuff inside. He then got some water and brought some more wood in before he started the small fire in the fireplace. He then spread his bedroll out in front of the fire and sat down leaning against the chair that was there. He took a few moments to close his eyes and just take in the quiet. As he sat there taking in the quiet, he thought about everything over the past year and he felt the panic start to grow in him again, so he pushed those thoughts away and tired to focus on only the good things. He also realized that he had more feelings that he needed to work through then he had originally thought, but at the moment, he only wanted to try and focus on his physical feelings.

When he opened his eyes, Dee took a deep breath and pulled out his sketchbook. He wanted to see what focusing on Annie did to him, so he decided to draw a picture of her. As he relaxed and thought about the drawing and nothing else other than Annie, he felt the first twinge of the familiar stirring in his body. He shed his button up and loosened his pants and continued to try and focus on the drawing and Annie, but nothing happened more than just the faintest of a stirring within him and he was disappointed. Dee set his sketchbook aside, drew his knees up and dropped his head to them. He started out just screaming in frustration, but that turned into crying. He hadn't cried in a very long time and maybe that was what he needed.

Dee didn't know how long he had sat there crying, but he was spent when he looked up and saw the fire dying. He added more wood to the fire and he stirred the coals. He then sat back and had some of his water from his canteen. He then leaned back and started to pray because it felt so wrong to do what he wanted to do. He was torn and the more he prayed the answer became more clear.

Slowly, Dee got more comfortable with the idea and decided it was the only way that he would know. He tried to think of Annie and her kissing him. Dee went as far as striping down to nothing and laying in front of the fire and caressing his body trying to imagine Annie running her hands over him. He spent over an hour trying and there was only the faintest of excitement. Dee had thought of everything that he could to excite himself. He since he had gone that far already, he even tried to think about what it would be like to undress Annie and still nothing worked. He only had the faintest of twinges in him.

Dee was disappointed because he was sure that it would have worked and he would have a clear answer. As he sat there, he not only felt worse about everything, but he started crying again because he was sure that Annie wouldn't love him anymore when he told her. He wasn't even sure how he would be able to be with her if they got married which made him only cry out in frustration even more. He felt so alone at that moment and the anger in him at the criminals and everything that they took from him grew. He hated them and he had never said that about anyone in the past. He hadn't even said that about the man who had hurt his sister. Dee cried for everything that he would never have and all that he had lost. He screamed at God at how unfair it was and how he just wanted to feel whole again.

Finally spent, physically and emotionally, Dee got redressed and cleaned up the cabin. When he headed back to town, the sun had gone down and it was getting dark. The last thing that he wanted was to head back to Jack and Beth's and deal with everyone, but he knew that he had to face them at some point. He slowly made his way to town and then skirted around and went to the livery to deal with Thor. When he was done, he again went the long way and skirted town as he headed back to Jack and Beth's. He didn't even stop at the jail and drop off the rifle that he had taken with him. He knew that he could take it back when he had gone in the next morning for services. As he thought about it, he honestly didn't want to go and was going to suggest that he stay with Jack while Doug and Elizabeth headed in with everyone else.

Jacobs, Wynn, David and Andrew all arrived together and made quick work of rearranging the furniture so they could bring over the extra table from Lee's.

"If Lee is home, invite him over." Jack said.

"He is working late in town." Jacobs said. "Then he was going to pay cards at the saloon for a bit. He and Bill have plans for a game with the new newspaper guy. They invited Andy and the new mine superintendent as well."

"Oh." Jack said.

"Don't feel bad." Wynn said. "It won't be long and you will be out with other people again. With all of us in town and you having been injured, people are giving you all your space."

"I guess." Jack said. "It is just hard to feel so disconnected. I mean I know what is going on, but I miss seeing people and talking."

"I know what you mean." Jacobs said. "Let's give it a couple more days to make sure we have really turned the corner with the breathing."

Jack nodded. The guys made quick work of moving the table and chairs.