The morning was cold, and the sun was blocked out by clouds of dust. It had been a passage of an unclear amount of time since the Titans were stopped- a blur to everybody. Karina didn't know where Reiner was, though he was probably being detained for questioning with the other fighters. It would have been too difficult to search for him in the crowds exiting the train cars at the makeshift internment camp set up outside the closest standing Marleyan city of Saxum.
Her Reiner had just been in her arms again, for the first time in unconditional love, and now he was gone again with the others in that little paramilitary from the devil's paradise. He was going to be interrogated so harshly for his involvement with them. He had escaped with his life more than once after his mission years ago from that place, and he was now in tandem with these devils- no, other people. They were people, right?
She could only hope that Gabi would be pardoned for being held captive by them and forced into battle.
The crowd marched on monotonously, leaving deep imprints of their shoes in the moist ground. Nobody had kept track of the weather while fleeing for their lives, yet the hints of crimson indicated that there had not only been a rainstorm during the chaos. Who knew if they were treading upon animal or human flesh? Those mindless Titans didn't care, and neither did the gray, soulless survivors droning on.
Some older Eldians struggled to walk on in exhaustion and grief, and some sickness. Young children in the crowd screamed and cried. They were as tired and hungry as everybody else. There was no saying if and when they would get proper food anytime soon. They had yet to get an official headcount of survivors, but if they had a meal, it would be entirely rationed.
Had Muller not had tight control in the chaos, several soldiers on the perimeter would have probably shot at them just based off of their broken and angry facial expressions, scowling and eying the Eldian survivors for not wearing armbands.
"Pigs in the pig cars, hoof it!" One barked at them. "Anybody found to be in allegiance with Eren Jaeger will be shot on sight!"
"But he turned us all into Titans! We didn't want to be that way! And now you're putting us behind another fence!" A man behind Karina protested. "We promise! We don't want to be Titans! We don't want-" She heard a thunk as the man hit the ground. She flinched as the soldier kicked him. The line of survivors stopped in fear, a brave figure or two trying to jump in to save the man. But the soldier cocked his gun. The line scurried back in a circle formation.
"You said you didn't want to, but as a Titan, you would become bigger and stronger than the rest of us. Then you wouldn't be stuck behind a fence, would you? If Ymir couldn't tame the Devil, we will." The man was kicked in the chest. He grunted as he fell back. "And don't think that just because you didn't finish off Marley's forces back there doesn't mean you wouldn't try to later!"
An officer with a higher rank came barrelling toward the scene. The soldier's face twisted, and he stood to attention. The officer grabbed him by the shirt collar and began yelling all kinds of profanities. A few survivors helped the beaten man up as another soldier escorted them on.
"Our families, our children! They're all dead! You tricksters are still hiding something in your blood! We'll test it!" The soldier screamed back at the moving crowd.
As the survivors' feet were drenched by the ground soaked in rain and blood, all that filled Karina's mind was blankness. The darkness had gone away from when she was a Titan, but not her feeling of being left lost, desolate, without purpose. Who knew if her Reiner or young Gabi would even make it out of interrogation alive? It wasn't as if she could storm her way through the fragmented temporary military base to get to them. And were Mateo and his family okay? They evacuated in a separate train car and got lost in the crowd back at the Fort. They'd probably be somewhere in the back if they lived.
"How many of us are there, anyways? Not all the military is standing, surely." A woman whispered to her husband in front. "And whose side do you think the man brave enough to capture and control the train is on? He seemed to be trusted by Secretary Muller."
"Dear, have you gone deaf? If you'd like to join the dead, turn around and walk back."
A few around Karina nodded in agreement as they entered the wired gateway into a field full of identical tents, equally spaced out from each other. Some more soldiers started shouting directions for men to stand in one line, women in the other.
"Then when will we be free of this? When?" The woman asked. She slipped on a bloody muddy patch of dirt, staining her only clothes on her. She pulled herself up, tears flowing down her face. "When?"
…
The window slammed against the sill. Her heart was pounding.
What a coincidence, a funny coincidence.
Karina held herself against the window for a moment, catching her breath. She had left the window wide open when cleaning earlier that day. That was it. That was just what animals did when they needed a space to live or food to eat. Mice and rats were caught almost weekly in their old Internment Zone apartment and sometimes more often in here. It was bound to happen.
Hard knocking echoed against the door.
"Sister, are you alright?" Giuseppe asked. "Is this your melancholia causing these… fits?"
A hot wave of anger passed through her body. "Of course it is," Karina grumbled to herself. "A daughter of Ymir and her mindless ardor are to be feared and distrusted, for she may lead you to your own kind's destruction." So went the Marleyan explanation of Eldian beliefs. The palms of her hand were chilled from the windowpane. She collected herself. "I am alright. I… needed to think for a moment. Please go wait. I already told you we would explain."
Giuseppe sighed exasperatedly and opened the door. "Are you trying to bury yourself in something to distract yourself?"
Karina turned to face her brother. "What else do I have to do since women don't read newspapers around here? Should I sit in my room and cry and listen to everybody else talk about me and pity me and my half-Marleyan child? If you would like to return to the nostalgic days during a political crisis, we may as well start with me since you like to place the blame on me for our family's condition." She frowned.
What was the old proverb among Eldians? Don't complain about how beautiful a stone was after you threw it in the muddy river.
He shut the door ."I was not blaming you for anything, and I can see you don't wish to dress in fancy garments and sing praises to Ymir. But I don't know why you insist on telling the children about it if it won't do us any good, especially right now, and in your sudden manic state."
Manic state?
"I've already spoken to your wife about this. Perhaps if you would listen to me, you can understand why we are doing this. And perhaps you should have seen your daughter and the Grice's poor boy last night for yourself. They are just as lost as we are. They need us as their parents and family. They won't have any reassurance if we can't be truthful with them."
Giuseppe snorted that same annoying snort when bemused. "We're all treading in the water, Karina. And the only rescue device we have is what expertise the world leaders and scientists and doctors have to say. They're probably the only ones who can help our children. They know better than us and our experiences."
"We're all treading in the water? Does that include those world leaders who believed that we should have been relocated to Liberio after reconstruction behind another wall? And those who said we should just stay in the camp? The Marleyan scientists who said we weren't even human? Did they know better than us?"
He sighed. "Because they were frightened of us. Not many witnessed us that day at the Fort. They only saw hundreds of Titans."
The boot to the face. The blood spattered. The soldier's own griefs poured out. The jostled crowd was rushed on to confinement. Some calling to fight back. The dismal ash and bloody environment. The screams and had not yet escaped hellfire and judgment. When would they?
"Fine. Yes. They were. And now? How is Mr. Finger doing? Is he wanting to return to that hospital again with that nurse who was trying to kill him? If the useless government manages an investigation before he drinks himself to death, we'll be fortunate if she's fired and not replaced by another non-Eldian! And we can only hope that Falco won't be subjected to one who confines him in an asylum where he wastes away into nothing out of shame and guilt!" Karina set herself against the window, embracing the chilled glass.
Her mother's frail gray body was laid out on a puny bed meant more for a child than an adult woman. Her empty eyes peered back at her and her toddler grandson.
"You brought… it here?" Her mother rasped. She squirmed weakly in her bed, extending a hand to signal them out of the room. Karina stopped Reiner short of him grabbing for his grandmother's hand. He pouted. It was no use in staying. No good memories between them. Not even her own mother could embrace the little boy she sacrificed herself to save. No. It wasn't even for him. It was for their own sake.
The nurse motioned them down the hallway to the exit as Karina's brothers and father were welcomed in the room to calm their dying mother and wife. Another nurse grumbled as Karina almost walked into her. Was she judging her for her inattentiveness? Suddenly, it felt as if every asylum worker and patient was glaring at her and Reiner. They were the reason there was another patient who took up a bed, crying and screaming in delirium without end.
"Are you sure it's Falco-"
A fast shadow swooped by the window. Was that another bird trying to pervade their home? Karina grunted and almost ripped the curtains as she drew them. Couldn't it just fly freely elsewhere?
"Who can we even trust to do the right thing for us when we can't even decide what is best for us? Not us, not the non-Eldians. Nobody!"
That was far louder than she intended. Her words reverberated in the room which felt much colder even with the window shut. The rest of the family probably heard her shout. Wonderful. They were probably considering that Aunt Karina needed a place in an asylum now just for asking the same arduous questions nobody else could find an answer to, for wanting to just be seen as a person, not a burden.
"And now what? Are you going to try to send me away to shut me in a room as a failure of an Eldian daughter and mother for trying to find some answers and security for myself and our family?"
Surprisingly, Giuseppe's face softened. He gripped his chest. He sat down on a bed, rubbing his temples.
"How can I… anybody answer these questions? And why would I want to send you away?"
"Brother." Karina joined him on the bed. "We can't. At least we know that. And Gabi knows too."
A soft knock on the door startled them. "Dad, Aunt Karina, are you okay?" Gabi cautiously asked behind the door. "We heard you shouting things."
"Go tell your mother and the others we're just… talking." Her footsteps pattered away. When she was out of range, Karina continued.
"Maybe that was not the way to begin. But Giuseppe, I want to leave the old ways behind. I am tired of having to hide everything from everybody, even more so in my state. We've lost too much because of them. It would all have been gone too if it weren't for…"
For what, exactly? The Alliance? Mikasa? The "Creator"? The "Devil" Eren Jaeger? It all seemed to connect, but how? Not that Giuseppe and his rational outlook would care for the latter two.
"... for something we just can't understand. We would have been gone. Tell me, does that make me manic for wanting to do something for Reiner's sake?"
He didn't reply for a minute. The tiles outside the door made clicking noises made by Theo's claws.
"For Reiner's sake."
"Is this going to be about mother?" She restrained her tone the best she could.
"No!" He snapped, startled. He exhaled. "It's about you. Are you sure… you aren't jumping into this too quickly?"
Not this again.
"Giuseppe, I am most assuredly not. Levi and I spent the last two days discussing this while you have been out. He has been most helpful and reassuring. When he is well again, we plan to share our discoveries with the Alliance. It is that important to us."
"Things have changed, haven't they? You aren't the same young woman eagerly getting the privilege to work outside the Zone for the first time, are you?"
That stung like the belt for lashing. "Hey now."
"Oh," he looked down, embarrassed. "Back when we were children, I was jealous of you as the younger brother. You were so eager to please, to be the most obedient Eldian. The fact you got into a lottery to leave for a while made me wonder what I had not done well enough. I was wanting what everybody else truly wanted inside. Just to step out and see what the world was like."
Oh, those ridiculously dangerous games the other children played. How close they could run to the fence before an adult nearby would warn them that the Marleyan guards were watching. Karina had the good sense to yell at a group of boys once. She remembered their grumbling, realizing she was correct as usual even if she killed their fun.
"You just think you would know that Marley was in the wrong for keeping us captive. But a while after the last of the Eldian Restorationists were ousted, the anti-Eldian propaganda increased dramatically. Remember, there were almost nightly military demonstrations in the main square."
She did recall. She heard them all the way in her apartment bedroom. What stress it caused her when she was pregnant with an illegal child.
"When you arrived back from the barracks, pregnant with Reiner… I couldn't believe my sister, the most loyal to our family and the rules, could have done such a thing. I couldn't reason how an Eldian who knew their place committed a heinous crime. I then began to wonder if Marley was really in the right. They were so strong. The idea that Ymir willed us to spread her devilish seed to conquer the world. That our ancestors had been so blinded to the idea of other people's existence that we, in fact, were not humans. And those seminars hosted by Marleyan scholars for the Eldians did not aid my young self. They seemed so straightforward, so reasonable…."
"You could only trust them, Giuseppe. We all did, or made ourselves believe them."
"We would trust a meteorologist about the coming weather on a particular day, so why not trust a physiognomist about an Eldian? And then, we had a child of two bloodlines in our home, who was born of a daughter of Ymir who stole from Marley's seed. Based on the research and conclusions of Dr. Jerome Fiedler, I was stunned. Part of me wanted to turn us in out of shame and guilt. And I would have had father not reminded me that I would be punished for this too."
"It was no surprise that you wanted nothing to do with us."
"How could I? We had a half-breed creature in the apartment. And all this work that was put into keeping up a lie. Mateo almost considered telling Sigrid that you were a poor street prostitute the family took in instead of our sister when they began to court."
Even a noble story of charitability of rescuing some street urchin was preferred to a coverup about an Eldian woman, their own sister, getting raped. Though either way, it was still completely her fault. If she only had the gall back then….
"And when you enrolled Reiner, it was a gamble. By whatever luck, when he won a slot as a Warrior, father fell on his knees crying. It would never bring mother back, but he had found catharsis in it. Reiner was living proof that we could become worthy in the eyes of Ymir." He chuckled. "I don't know if there's a god or not, but to me, he found favor in the eyes of Marley as a citizen, a person. As for me, I trusted in Marley's power and judgment. And, I trusted in you again. You made things right again, and better for us. And I trusted you when you encouraged us to enroll Gabi."
"I know. I know. Please tell me. What does this have to do with Reiner?"
"Your son, my nephew. I thought that him meeting the island dev- the Eldians, drove him to nearly kill himself. It only made sense. But it wasn't that. Marley was wrong. There weren't monsters there. There were people. And now, the greatest of empires have fallen to shambles." He rubbed his head. "Yet we still lie powerless. We can rely on the non-Eldians, or we can rely on the Eldians to do something about our situation. And who has the power?"
"The non-Eldians, of course. Unless we are counting Paradis, which has made its own progress."
"But we are not them, either group. We're in between. Esereso will be swallowed by Paradis if peace negotiations do not work, as will Quao, Straum, the refugee camps. And who are the governments willing to sacrifice first on the frontlines should Paradis strike? The Eldians. And-"
All this again?
"Please. What does this have to do with Reiner?"
He sighed. "Alright. This is going to upset you," he warned. "No matter how unreasonable this is for me to say… I find myself on the worst days wishing for things to return to our life before. We had power and security with Reiner, a position over others in our zone. And then, our crumb of power was crushed. And those small trinkets our children carry can get you favors but no stance. I… it felt much simpler knowing your family member was unique among us for what he had done when you were shunned into wanting nothing to do with him at first. It was easy to mold him into our pawn with no need to regard him after thirteen years."
Karina nodded. Nothing could be too horrifying in this house to discuss anymore.
"Nothing good was in our blood according to the Marleyan school of reasoning, and a mixed child was an abomination to both sides- because we were led to believe so. But we all love the stories of the miserable stray becoming the household pet, all groomed and trained on a leash to show off. A nice item. Then to be told that the pet can understand every word you've ever said, that it's met more people and knows more than you ever have since it's been on the streets and outside barricades."
When Reiner took a step off that ship, Karina could not contain her excitement. Her little Warrior had grown up and came back alive. The family was safe. Their honor was maintained. He looked rather tired and his eyes were red, but those devils had probably tortured him to a breaking point, and only Captain Zeke Jaeger and Pieck Finger were able to rescue him. Early reports said that young Bertholdt had been killed and Annie Leonhardt was a POW at best. Though she quickly forgot about their families because her Reiner was alive and safe. Reiner slipped a small smile at his mother. He survived the devils.
"Is this why you are afraid of me speaking to Reiner? He still isn't good enough for you?"
"Of course he is!" Giuseppe became pale. "And don't you dare suggest the same about Gabi! I think the problem is… there are no absolutes. No guarantees we will wake up tomorrow, no food in the foodlines, no safety from vandals. It will all fade away eventually. We still have Reiner- your son, my nephew- with us. And what if we don't tomorrow? Or if he learns about our family's past, will he judge us and walk away? He had no reason to return to us, especially you, after it all ended. Is this really for his sake, or yours, Karina?"
The voice of silence filled the room.
"Giuseppe. You are difficult to reason with. For the third time, I have discussed this over with Levi- somebody who is from outside our home. It is rather pleasant to have more than two opinions in a discussion, and from somebody in between to listen without accusing me of being a fickle woman."
"I see. I must say, it surprises me to see you so open to interact with a man from outside our home after all these years. One who pays attention to what you are saying, and-"
Oh, that did it. Karina grabbed his shirt collar, irate strength flowing in her. Giuseppe pushed her off.
"Are you saying I am some kind of seductress daughter of Ymir for talking to a man? What indecency do you think I have to do something like that? Or him? What would he be wanting to get out of me? And after he's helped Gabi and Falco for so long, and us? On Marley's blood, you're worse than your daughter!"
It was just tea she invited him over for only to give him some company, only to turn into this. They had all been worried about him lately. Was he supposed to lie down in his apartment until the children finished school every day? There weren't many other adults his age he knew that they knew about. He was either here or with the Grice's during the last three years when he needed time to recover. And in that time, they learned about another side of the ocean with the children enthusiastically confirming that the island Eldians were indeed people.
Of course, her brother had to suggest the worst case scenario. But… wasn't he right about Levi paying attention to her? It made her feel good too, not a burden.
"Karina, calm yourself!" he barked. "I'm sorry, it was just the irony of the situation."
She frowned. "You can see I'm amused, brother."
Giuseppe fixed his shirt collar. "Listen, if you believe this is for the best, we need to have somebody from 'in between' speak along. I think I can say a lot of us are not as willing to cross this line. How about we wait for Levi to come back to discuss this? I think we all trust him enough; he lets his thoughts show well and… colorfully. And Karina? I apologize for my composure. I want Gabi and Reiner and Martino to have the best they can."
And me? I can't have anything nice without a man's approval.
"Alright. If you think that is most reasonable, we will wait." Karina stood up, straightening her skirt. Just waiting as usual. Sitting until the moment arrived, all penned up despite so much out there before them. If only the delusions of the woman who ruined her family once before were not so wild and untamed.
And with her luck, the only one who wanted to listen to her would probably be hospitalized for a prolonged period. Or maybe that hussy of a nurse would be assigned to him, deciding that one less Eldian was needed here. Karina shook her head, telling herself not to get thoughts like that.
Just as they were moving forward, another step backwards.
Crash. Theo barked loudly in the living room repeatedly. How unusual. He only did it when he was excited by the arrival of a new person or something outside. The muffled voices of the rest of the Braun family were saying something. One of them opened the door. The voices got louder. And new voices joined in, shouting.
Suddenly, the two siblings remembered the curfew. Quickly forgetting their conflict, they rushed out front. On the floor were small pieces of broken glass fallen from the window with a spidering crack in it and a medium sized rock in the middle of the pile. Tina stood in a corner, holding Viola close to her. Giuseppe reached for his wife. The baby babbled carefreely, contrasting her mother's shocked expression.
"Tina, are you alright? What's happening?"
"Dad, Aunt Karina!" Gabi shouted through the open door over the sound of yelling and the dog going nuts. Outside the door, a uniformed patrol officer and Mateo were kneeling over a squirming body of a local adolescent boy resisting handcuffs, grunting and mumbling something.
But it was not the broken window that upset them the most. On the doorframe, there was a small bright red imprint of a sacrificial ritual. And next to the door was the tiny carcass of the bird that flew into the bedroom.