A Middle-Aged Boy- Two Years After The Rumbling

Captain Levi. Even worse, based on Zeke's observations and Tom Ksaver's memories of research, he had been an Ackerman. That made two of them on the island. The top of their class in cadets was one too, and if there would have been anything believable about Marley's propaganda, it would be the fighting skills the clan had obtained from the royal family's experimentation. They were worse than the regular island devils, so they were warned to be extra wary of their abilities to take down the other Eight Titans, excluding the Founder. Had Mikasa even known what her bloodline meant? He thought he had overheard her one night trying to explain her childhood story to the girls, something about bloodlines being persecuted. But she never boasted of her strength because of them or anything useful as to why the Ackermans were persecuted to live in the mountains..

That was new information that he'd brought back to Marley along with Zeke. Turns out the royal bloodline despised them now. Annie had struggled to find anything on the clan members when she went spying. To ask Mikasa about the whereabouts of any other relatives would have been direly useless and dangerous, plus utmost confusing. But the goddamn irony of her protecting that dangerous idiot with the royal family's Coordinate nearly to their deaths was almost too much. And Captain Levi wasn't too much better off, watching and directing that prized asset under Commander Erwin Smith. He was too fast to see before his attack, even swifter than when Mikasa sliced through his arm. Fortunately, Reiner had remembered from that attack that if someone went for his neck or head to transfer his conscience. Still, it gave him nightmares, almost wondering if Marley had been right about one thing on that island.

Yet no matter how scared he was of them and their abilities, they were just people at the end of the day, calculating their next moves and creating strategies in the world that was too much for them to understand in a war they had no idea they were fighting.

And of course, the former Captain Levi was in the same room as him now in his family's home in Esereso. Battered, yet his presence graced the room despite his clear exhaustion from another procedure. He was clearly in no condition to slice his neck even if he had a good reason to. He was quiet, only speaking when needing to, mostly consigning himself to tea drinking as much as an alcoholic would drink wine or patiently answering Gabi's and some of his other relatives' questions about Paradis that Reiner didn't know himself- more honest answers than what Marley indoctrinated them with.

Hell, despite nearly choking on that blade years back, it had been his gesture to give Captain Levi some place to be when he needed for the sake of the islanders with them. The rest of the Survey Corps survivors had enough trouble for being from Paradis and not knowing jack about the outside world while trying to show that they weren't devils.

A former Marleyan Warrior would have less trouble getting around by comparison. Well, his family would. He knew his family and their former unwavering support of Marley and the Warrior program, so the locals would be less suspicious of them and underlying motives by providing sudden welcome gestures to a scientific monstrosity with distant ties to the royal family. It's not like that would disappear overnight though. It took him, Annie, and Bertholdt several years to break those chains. It had helped that the island's captain kept Gabi and Falco safe when everybody else was fighting for their lives and the remnants of Liberio's civilians.

And he wasn't dishonorable. Captain Levi was considered among the crowds back on the island as their hero who would save humanity, to which many would be shocked that he was not very charming, rather brash, short, and disciplined. Not what Reiner ever had in mind from his younger days when he, that naive little idiot, would revere Helos and his bravery. He couldn't disregard Commander Erwin Smith either. That brilliant man. Damn it, he was just a man, but he had balls. Who knew if history would remember him? Well, at least Captain Levi would. He never spoke a word about him until Reiner prompted, and even then, his one-eyed gaze was sharp and out that the great heroes of the island had heroes and cult-like admiration as well, and layer after layer of deep selfish motives that lured them into a hellish spiral.

"It was his time to rest from hell. Or else he'd just see more of it if we chose him instead," Levi paused, closing his eyes. "Can't say how much of your comrade's pain he would have shared with him." He shifted, sharing Reiner's discomfort at the memory of the last time they had seen Bertholdt. He may have once been fearsome, but he was never bloodthirsty. Just brutally honest, doing what he judged best.

It was no use in lashing out at any surviving members of the Battle for the deaths of comrades on either side. They had since been pardoned for their crimes, having been children at the time of initial invasion, or tricked behind their backs by someone using himself as a scapegoat. Yet unconditional forgiveness would never be fully possible between them. They all missed their friends and comrades. Emotions were stronger than written declarations and immunity papers. At least Levi was better than them at sympathizing with child soldiers turned weapons for some reason, whether it was his veteran status, guarding Eren, or something from his otherwise quietly kept past.

"Can't believe the training program scored me with better wits than Bertholdt. He understood it all better than me- the world. He's what kept me sane enough for the time being." His heart raced. He excused himself, heading out of the house. Levi didn't say a word, only nodding.

Pretty soon, the Alliance would begin strategizing for the start of negotiations with Paradis as ambassadors for peace talks in the next year or so, perhaps sooner. Back to the island for the third time. The weekly meetings were insightful on the current climate there from what Onyonkopon gathered. No shock that the island was overrun with guns and death wishes even though New Eldia- as the Jaegerist government called it- was the biggest fish in the pond, it wanted to be bigger. How could he handle returning with all those memories of death and destruction?

"Reiner!" Gabi shouted from under the tree, snapping him from his thoughts. Falco waved. He forced a smile. Anything for that sweet kid and that little lovebird who was stealing her more each day. "Reiner, Are you staying home this weekend? I want your help writing a paper about our family. Everyone has to talk about their lives before the Rumbling. Do you know anything about our grandparents?"

A wizened old man's face which he had never seen move past a grimace, crying tears of joy flashed before his eyes, congratulating him and praising him for his selection as a Warrior. Then a faint image of a gray woman, delirious, pushing him away.

"Sorry, kid. I was just a kid when grandfather died and our grandmother died of some sickness when I was two or three. You'll have to ask your aunt about them. Don't you dare ask her about my father," he warned. She blinked, agreeing. Maybe his little cousin had come to accept an illegal two-blooded child in her family after years of propaganda, but not all Eldians were as forgiving of these abominations. His mother only learned what being a mother was at the eleventh hour.

His mother. What could they even talk about the past? She never knew what to say. She washed his clothes and bedsheets. She tried her best to save dinner for him and stay up for him when he was at work late. Not many middle aged men had the privilege to become young boys again. Maybe it was her way of compensating. His uncles and aunts were polite, but they felt like empty shells of themselves. Cousin Martino went along with them. It was too tough to comprehend, to embrace. Perhaps they would never let go of their pasts. And in turn, despite the tensions, Reiner went along with it too. And some days, he wasn't sure which place he looked less forward to being at as usual: the island or home.

At least home was where the two surviving cadets were, trying to live the best they could free of the burdens of being child weapons. They were growing up fast. And his aunt was once again with child who would be born in the coming months. Maybe there would be less risk of another kid cousin becoming a pawn for the government here. It was on him to make sure of that. If negotiations failed, only a landscape of barren land and bones and rubble would be seen when he would become a middle aged man again.

If he even lived that long.

…

Paradis' Strongest Soldier

The wood tops became shiny once more as the dust particles flew out the window to the open air. It would be the street cleaners' problem now. He couldn't bear to let that damn book get covered in it, or himself. Tch, he was getting frighteningly possessive of it. Even a strange bird could get to it. And to prevent one from fluttering in, he shut the window.

He looked around his apartment. The Braun's didn't have much possession wise, but their house was a palace compared to his bare bones apartment. There was a medium-sized box in the corner of the living room filled with some trinkets that belonged to the previous tenant who was more than likely dead that he couldn't stand to think about, but couldn't get rid of. Maybe he had a distant family that survived by some miracle. If so, they sure wouldn't have had a proper burial site to visit. Though he was more than likely the last of the line, or someone would have come clamoring like some youngsters had over the insignias of their dead comrades that were cut off before having to evacuate from a Titan infested land.

Yet now was not the time to meander off into thoughts of what could be. He needed some outside noise that wasn't the traffic or the flying boats- had there been more out lately, or did he take more notice of these things in his self-imposed solitude? He crutched to his radio and set it on low volume. Damn noisemaker.

It had been about three days since he got home. Only Onyonkopon had stopped by to visit daily with any groceries he needed- and thankfully- damn thankfully- brought the good kind of tea. Neither of the kids had plans to visit for the time being with Falco's own trauma and Gabi's uncovered family history that was best left to her own kin to explain, to find their ways out of forests with twisted paths.

And speaking of kin, as blunt as he had been to keep it short, Levi had no clue what to exactly write to Mikasa when he would feel better regarding… themselves, whatever they were or had been. It couldn't have been something in his blood, could it? Just a descendent of a byproduct of a scared girl's sole wish to resist an evil king yet damned to serve him in sandy hell? And it made him act the way he did all his life? It was Zeke who had supposedly told this all to Eren, as Armin recounted and claimed couldn't have been true since he had pushed them out of the way to try to protect them.

Protect them. It had been a gamble. As if Eren had bothered to speak to him directly and instead left him a great shitshow to deal with just because he wanted his way- which he got. Tch, it wasn't the time to reflect on this. Too many paradoxes that would leave him going in circles.

He had paged through that book once or twice since then but found nothing new and useful. Just some more notes about other experiments done on the captured clan members. Not that he could understand much of it other than them being injected with strange fluids.

He bowed his head and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate on the symphony, the same one that played earlier that week. Repetition. Routine. Hell, the conveniences that came along with modernities were never part of his daily life before. They were forced on him by greater powers or begging brats or friends- or perhaps a mix of all. But maybe it helped color the place's bare walls, filling in the spaces on empty shelves and obscure mouse holes.

Things. Just things. They were more than that. They kept him afloat, away from drowning in the pity of others. Just small things to give him a push to avoid thinking of rocks and syringes, to actually do what useful things he could do. Out of that dark closet of torture and mindlessness.

Even in the event his leg were to be chopped off like a hog's at the butcher's. A test subject. Further ripped apart. Broken down bit by bit until nothing remained. He shook his healed head. No, why was he letting this get to him? He was a grown man, on Marley's blood. Great, he was starting to curse like the other Eldians he'd been spending a lot more time with lately. Especially one in particular.

"Things" were nice, but throughout his life which lacked possessions, people were even better for keeping him out of those places, people he could confide in when he needed to stop shutting himself away.

Feet shuffled outside his apartment. He hobbled to the door.

The newspaper had been late that morning. By chance, yesterday's edition contained a small segment on Eldian neighborhoods being scoured by radicalized youth from the Church, yet too small for a casual reader to care for because the eyes were still on the heroes of the Rumbling- the "good ones"- and what they were to do in the coming historic negotiations with the island. Wild speculations and rumors, economic predictions, even some gossip over the Alliance's personal lives. Maybe there would be another column about more Eldian sympathizers to the Jaegerists coming out of the woodwork and nothing on what Klaus Leonhart was doing with local Eldians.

Levi had barely turned the doorknob when a startled gasp escaped someone from behind the door. His fist clenched on his crutch. If somebody had been eavesdropping from behind the door, he would-

"Levi?"

"Karina?"

"Oh! I'm so sorry if I scared you, I didn't know if you were here. I-I was just needing to walk around away from our neighborhood. Things are still rather stressful there." She looked rather conflicted, almost nervous to see him. She was empty handed, so she was probably telling the truth and not trying to get anything out of him.

"Unless you'd like to stare at the door, you can step in, " he offered without a second thought. "Not a good idea to freak the neighbors out about an Eldian evil spirit standing in the hallways." Or a crippled war veteran who can no longer stand on his own.

She gladly accepted the offer. She fixed her headscarf tighter as she entered. How far had she walked? His apartment was several kilometers from their residential area. He shut the radio off as she sat on the kids' sofa. Other than Onyonkopon, he couldn't remember the last time any other adults came to visit. Maybe Armin or Jean? Reiner had once to make sure he got back safely after he was cleared to go home. She'd never been inside. He could at least be welcoming. On instinct, he turned the kettle on to prepare some tea.

"I'm glad you took a liking to the kind of tea we buy."

He grunted in response, feeling a wave of pain pass through his bad leg. "Almost as if I didn't come back here. A lot noisier here than before too. Helps keep me awake." The kettle hissed. "Brats doing okay?"

"Falco is as well as he can be. He'll be spending many sessions in the afternoons with other youth his age. He keeps insisting on coming to make sure Gabi is okay, but it's best to keep them separate for a while. He shouldn't have to worry about protecting us. Maybe if– when they're well, they'll get into more shenanigans."

Tch, they'll probably find the Tybur family's offshore bank next, Levi mused. "And Gabi?"

"Oh… she's probably the most understanding of everybody about our family history. Martino hasn't said much. I haven't said anything since you left home– the house. Their parents are watching and listening like hawks. But she's not frightened of her poor lunatic aunt and her ideas. She's much braver than any of us." She shifted. "Hopefully school will begin again for the children next week."

Levi hummed, pouring the tea. "They need to keep busy. We all do." His bad hand cramped up. He shook it. "Since you're already here and I'm not busy, thought any more about what you want to write?"

Karina shook her head. "I haven't. I haven't been able to think very well. Not hearing anything else from the Alliance hasn't helped, not even a telegram. You would think I'd be able to do it for Reiner's sake, but even now…." She bit her lip and exhaled sharply. "I can't. And I promised. I'm so sorry." Her voice embodied disappointment as her head hung low.

Levi paced himself, not wanting to spill the tea. He handed her the cup. "Why's that?"

"I didn't tell you when you came back from the hospital. Giuseppe thinks… I'm just the same as I was years ago." She turned slightly red. "Just wanting attention. Making it about me and my Reiner and…. Oh damn it. How do I say this?"

Tch, was that the first time Karina ever swore?

"Someone outside the home that the rest of the family would otherwise give no thought to if Reiner had not gotten involved. A little differently this time but still his fault and mine."

Levi felt a hot flash over his body. "What are you saying?"

Karina folded her hands and sighed. "Come on, Levi. You are impeccably observant. He… he thinks I am doing this to see you. And I think he's right."

Shit. He wordlessly started to hobble to get his own tea. It would have to do instead of wine. Too early for that. And he'd need to be sober, not that it was ever a problem for him. Just an occasional urge nowadays when topics that went far beyond his understanding came up, which was a lot of the time. He didn't get far before stopping to face her. Her words flowed, a flood of guilt.

"And of course I have to walk here to tell you all this because I'm just a daughter of Ymir causing trouble with some island devil…."

"Karina-"

"And I'm more comfortable speaking to you than my own family…"

"Karina-"

"Because you're the only one who actually wants to change things and doesn't give grief over what I couldn't handle because I was treated like a cow and acted like one for Marley!"

"Karina!" Levi lost grip on his crutch. The end crashed against the coffee table, the friction shifting her tea cup. "Fuck!" He almost lost his balance too, and not from his crutch slipping loose.

Tch, she actually did it. She wasn't the first person to express any admiration for him, and certainly not the first who actually knew about him personally. All the signs were there. He just didn't expect it to all come out like this and so fast. And she was so broken after just a few days because of her family. That new aura in her amber eyes he liked was gone. Heavy silence hung over the place, which suddenly felt warmer than usual. And she looked mortified. Shit, how loud had he shouted? He leaned over to grab his crutch, trying to compose himself.

"Karina…"

"Just look at me. I even wander off and sound so desperate just to have you listen to me and my foolishness. And look what I've done for you, walking and whining about the only other man in my life, such a petty thing in the times we live in. I've just caused you trouble and pain. I am such an idiot." She groaned and gripped her head.

"Oi, calm down. Your tea is getting cold. I didn't beg on my ass for Onyonkopon to buy it to let it go cold. Can't ignore the poor crippled man with the scars and the missing fingers when he's thirsty." Cautiously, he turned to get his own tea.

It felt like he had walked a whole thousand kilometers by the time he returned. Karina's tea remained untouched. Her hands were folded up, and her eyes were red. He eyed his favorite chair, but the space on the sofa next to Karina was where he was needed. She flinched.

"You don't have to sit by me."

"My apartment. I can choose."

"If you hate me-"

"Why would I? I just push myself too much for others' sake. And then I underestimate them." He stroked his facial scars with his bad hand. "Bad habit."

Karina cracked a smile and sniffled. "Oh, you. You're too forgiving."

"Tch, and I don't know why so many like me so much. Even before, I was some Underground freak who'd never seen the sunlight past some cracks in the main gate. Being strong was good enough, I guess. Very few really knew me that well." Of course, these few were all dead. And so was that Timothy bastard. "You've probably learned more about me than my own squad or Onyonkopon ever have in the last week than they have in years. Almost nobody knows me that fast." He took a sip. "And I know you well enough to know that you are capable of holding your own opinions while needing a shove. So, why are you letting your brother get to you?"

"He… wants things to go back to what they were, or at least he wishes to live that way. And for wanting to treat my son as my child, my sins are unredeemed now that I want to talk to him. But he was right that we don't know what tomorrow will be like if we try to change things."

A bird landed on the windowsill. It pecked at the glass. Both of them jumped in their seats, startled.

"They're just hungry and homeless. I read about it in the paper. Lots of animals making their way to the city outskirts. Most of them are just finishing birthing for the spring. Can't exactly control their lives when they're just living like always," Levi said. "They don't care if there's walls or windows; they just want to survive like they always have."

Karina sighed, exasperated. "Really?"

"Hey, I'm not trying to be metaphorical. I'm just saying what I read. Well, we're not animals.

We Eldians are people, no matter what anybody else may say. Unlike birds, we can make choices, ones that matter in the long run for the world. It's not all instinct with us. Just difficult when we're capable of tricking each other with words and ideology, trying to make you think you're something you're not."

An Eldian. He was an Eldian. He was a part of this, Ackerman byproduct or not. That didn't matter, not at all. Those six years he served him, and then four more. And whatever the hell he got himself into now. It was his choice. It was his promise to give meaning now. Tch, he didn't care he was prattling like a blabbering intellectualist idiot. It was the truth.

"And things will change. Your brother is right that we don't have absolutes and we don't know shit about if we'll be alive by next month. We just have to try and not wallow on the decisions others made for us once before. Or yours. It's too big for us to get at the end of it all. But we're not as ignorant as before. We know our actions had bigger consequences than we realized. Tch, maybe that's how we're meant to live and be free. Just pass the command to the next batch but with new intel." He brought his left hand to his breast pocket with his old insignia.

Karina relaxed. "Thank you. I… I couldn't bear it any longer. I swear that I did just invite you for tea so you wouldn't be alone. It just turned into this by… whatever is out there." She chuckled. "Just wanting company and being heard is enough, I suppose."

Levi took another sip of tea. The warm sunlight filled the room.

Their hands touched. And Levi felt a calmness in him that no noise, talk, or object could have brought him since he came back to his apartment.

…

Meanwhile on Paradis

Breathe. Breathe.

"He was fine just a minute ago but then he… he just grabbed it and flipped!"

"Connie, back down! You're making him worse!"

"How was I supposed to know?"

"Because he started acting like this years ago when we first attacked the island!"

Would Connie and Annie… shut up? A wave of dead bodies flashed before his eyes. Not even the ones he killed. The ones the Jaegerists killed that week. It was all his fault. People he couldn't protect. It didn't matter he wasn't there yet when they planted the bombs. It still was by just coming here again.

"Could Mikasa hurry up and get here with the guard? There was something going on, I knew it." Jean's voice faintly sounded in the corner. He covered his ears.

"Everyone calm down. Connie, Jean, back off. Let Annie and Pieck talk to him. It's not our area of understanding."

Armin wouldn't understand. None of them. Not even Annie. And she was there. Why didn't this eat her mind? She hadn't taken the role of leadership, she never pretended, so of course she wouldn't.

"Reiner," Pieck spoke softly, hiding her distress, "you're breaking down." She kicked the dropped knife away. "It's the island, isn't it? You've just acted awfully even as we set out."

Those words meant nothing. Empty sound. Couldn't he just sleep?

"Can we just… go home?"