Paradis' Strongest Soldier

What was this power flowing through him? Not since that day of awakening had he felt some great strength beyond himself to ignite such a feeling. And he wasn't very good at this either. He was as awkward as greenhorns at the cusp of adulthood- even worse than them, navigating powerful feelings physically. Since when had he ever accepted something like this so openly? Where was the shame of the embrace? Was this….?

Shit, that was intense. Nothing traumatic that had broken his spirit but rather something that relit the long extinguished candle in him. Just a wickering flame Levi knew better than to hope for to last through the dark closet and the boarded windows around them, but things seemed brighter for the time being.

This lasted a good few seconds that felt longer than that. Yet that sensation remained after it stopped. Why did it have to stop? Was he not good enough?

"Levi?"

That voice cut through the intimate moment, but it only amplified this little paradise. He wanted to hear more of it, his name spoken as such by her.

"Are you alright?"

Karina sat opposite of him, her amber eyes aglow with equal wickering. She was flushed lightly with red, a little shaken herself. How damn stupid to forget how vulnerable they both were at the moment. He quickly came to realize that his hand was high on her thigh, and it wasn't even his good hand. She had naturally reacted to him touching her and had her free hand on his. Damn it. Way to ruin this rare moment of happiness, the only one they may have ever shared. He felt like a slimy lizard with his imperfect limb on her, a devious underworldly beast.

"Karina, I-" he drew his hand away. He felt himself go hot.

"No, no," she pulled it back, guiding it to her leg. "It's fine. I've just never had such a thing happen since… him. Didn't have any experience after that." She looked at her feet. "I hope it's not too disappointing after twenty five years."

"Not at all. No. I wouldn't damn know otherwise. I've never done that… with anyone. They've never needed just what… we did."

What else could he have expected from her, or himself? This wasn't the story of how the good spirits of the world were so perfect to the Creator that they were ready to spawn the gift of intimacy on a whim for all earthly matter below to partake in. Yet these good spirits were too young, and things got imbalanced on their first attempt. And thus resulted the bad spirits spurring chaos, leaving earthly spirits imperfect, distracted, slaves to petty things. It was a mix of these things, perhaps, that made them perfect as such.

Perfect. No need to remember great shame upon viewing strange men whose faces blended into each other day after day, night after night, reaching for the first woman to show him any affection to him as they moaned and threw their raggy clothes to the side of the rickety bed, which he would see fall from his hiding space under it. It was left to his imagination to figure out what fucking meant, what goddamn love meant. He thought he had a pretty good idea when he was once too slow to take cover and he witnessed his mother grimacing from the lumbering force over her. From that, he only knew that love meant caring for the lowlifes in the gutter and not using the other for pleasure.

But had they not too sought out his mother's affection out of common loneliness? In the Underground, nobody ever knew when their next meal would come or if a scrawny pickpocket would steal your only wage for the week. Or worse, if a rival would stab you and slit your throat like a pig's. You had to live while you could and fulfill your need for connection with another human- even if that meant that love was only staying a night or so, sometimes a fortnight if they really enjoyed using her- before walking away for good.

Was this really okay to do? How would he compare to them? And that man from her past?

"Oh. Thank you. I do need you here, after all."

Oh, it was okay. Just for two weeks. Maybe more if the Creator was in their favor. After all, love also used to mean letting your dear brothers and sisters in arms to go to their deaths for the sake of humanity. Love for the sake of keeping another alive felt too distant..

Little Viola was entranced by her feet as she laid on her back and tried to put it in her mouth, grunting with all the strength an almost eight month old could garner. And surprisingly, Theo the mutt was not enamored with the wooden crutch left tilting on the armchair but rather with some shoes left on the rug next to the door.

And to think he was once so observant of his environment that he would have surmised that there were other occupants in the home who were capable of understanding what had just happened and that he should have inquired about their whereabouts upon arrival.

Yet he felt simply too happy for once to care. It wasn't as if Gabi and Falco- based on the type of shoes strewn about- had been in the room as this happened. Hadn't Gabi jokingly chided her aunt about inviting him over for tea as a date? As long as they didn't see them kissing and him touching her aunt that way, wouldn't she be happy? They'd been equally worried about him that day that they brought that damn book over. They'd be so thrilled that their family friend had left his apartment after much concern and encouragement despite her apparent confusion over her family's latest shrouded secret that had been brought to the light.

"Alright. If this is between us, we can't make it too obvious."

"Oh? Right. Of course. Giuseppe would be the one to faint in hysteria. He'd tell the children to… to…." Karina trailed off with a look of realization. "Gabi's the only one in the bedroom right now."

"What?" Then there was no need for Karina to elaborate her concern further. Their small shared space didn't feel so warm and welcoming anymore with a sudden intruder lurking in the background. And he was certainly not as oblivious of them as they had been of him.

"Uh, okay. I'll see you soon. Bye!" Something slammed onto the wall followed by a bell sound. Damn it, how loud had they been? Instinctively, Levi knew to pull his hand away from her to censor himself from the brat's view. Out from the kitchen strided a roughened up Falco with wrinkled school uniform and an eye surrounded with a shade of dark blue.

"Oh, uh, hi, Mr. Levi! Nice to see you here! I'm just going home now!" He made a grab for a few textbooks and shoved them into his backpack like a pickpocket grabbed money and snuck off.

Hell. Shit. How long had he been standing there listening in? Had he snuck a peek at them? On second thought, maybe they wouldn't have found this so endearing, not with how long they'd known him and trusted him and with their anxieties and anger toward the world. They'd had so many damn questions. Though thank fuck it wasn't Gabi standing there.

"Oh, Falco! Here, let me help you. You'll get a headache stressing yourself out." Karina got up to help him. As if that was going to calm the humiliated brat with whatever else was inflicting his turmoil upon him.

"No! No! You're too upset about what happened earlier. I can pick up my things!" A large textbook slipped out of the unbalanced pile in his arms. The mutt was enthused and tackled it.

Levi sighed. It wasn't time to act like a lovesick old dog anymore, and there was no use lying to a boy who couldn't act worth a damn at the moment. "Falco, you don't have to pretend you didn't hear us." Did he even want to ask what happened to his eye?

"Huh? What were you talking about? I didn't hear anything. Wasn't thinking of anything! Probably not good for my own little melancholia either! Don't need to be tied in more knots than we already are!"

"Falco. You can be embarrassed, you're still a kid. Calm down."

The poor boy was resigned and slumped over in the unoccupied armchair, although Karina did not look too much better herself. As per the usual routine, she went to the kitchen to coax the kettle to make some fresh tea as an antidote- no request necessary knowing how Levi liked it. Falco's face flushed light red. Forget this little escapade. He had to step in and focus. How were his parents going to react to their son returning home after it looked like he was in a fight?

"I'm sorry I listened in on you," Falco mumbled. "I was going to have my parents take me home, but I was just… curious. Gabi was telling me about her family stuff before we Eldians were locked away like animals a few days ago...again. I was too mad to care, and now she's mad at me for insulting Reiner. I wanted to make up for it." He rubbed his darkened eye socket. "Mrs. Braun? Can I have my wet rag back with more cool water? Please?" He looked like a battered fawn that had escaped the hunt.

"Of course, dear," she replied.

His demeanor was much meeker than last time he was over. When too many people around him were snapping like twigs and overpowering him, he had fallen back to resign to a farce. He was simply too tired to be raging at the moment, so he appeared to act more normally. Maybe the black eye had something to do with it. The shadows from the lamps aged him greatly. His parents had stated before that he was looking more like his beloved brother each day.

"What did you say that upset her?"

Falco sighed knowing that there was no escape from this questioning. "Before I say this, Mrs. Braun heard this too. Don't get mad, okay? I called him a weak runt, a lap dog, a suck up, a liar, and the fact he fell apart and almost got us killed with everyone else."

Quite an impressive list of charges, and not too dissimilar to the ones brought up by a tribunal before they were pardoned for their crimes. Karina returned without a word, acknowledging her child's sins with a slight nod. Yet something in her was keen on those insults thrown at her son like rugged stones as if she wanted to step in his place. She placed Levi's tea on the side table and handed Falco a wet rag. He gingerly patted his eye, then paused and pulled it away. A long loose thread had broken free from the knitted pattern. He gave it a tug and plucked it and wrapped it around his fingers.

"She shouldn't have punched you, Falco," Karina said. She stood in the doorway between the kitchen and living room. "She's not going unpunished for hurting you." She walked to get her own tea. She hesitated when she returned. Thankfully, she made sure to sit by Levi. No need to pretend in front of the troubled brat that nothing happened.

"No, it's okay. My parents thought it would be okay to console her. Turns out it's not a good idea when I'm angry at everybody, even both of you." He fiddled with the thread between his fingers. "But I'm sorry I listened in on you when I shouldn't have. I promise I won't tell anybody- not even Gabi."

Not even a creak had come from the bedroom down the hallway since Levi arrived. No saying whether the fiery brunette was spying under the crack in the door as equally bewildered as Falco or asleep from unleashing her rage and fear upon the boy. He was about to ask Karina if she should check on her niece when she spoke up.

"You've kept a lot of secrets hidden before. Are you sure you want to do that?"

"It's fine. What's one more? Can't be that serious next to whole books of information about Eldians and Titan experiments to be shared with the Alliance. Not like you're planning on… uh… anything after two weeks, are you?"

"We.. oh, Falco. No." Karina stumbled for words and eyed Levi for affirmation. "We'd like to, but we don't know what things will be like with Reiner coming home and Mr. Ackerman going in for surgery..."

Maybe they'll cut your leg off to make you better. Damn it. Not that place again. He wanted to go back to their fleetful moment of privacy free of anxiety. Nope. He had to compose himself. He was one of two adults here. He wasn't going to hold him accountable for his anxiety.

"You're good at picking out the details, Grice. This may not last long regardless of that. But please. Don't go out talking about Titans or Ymir in public with Gabi either."

Falco clenched the chair's arms. The thread fell and got stuck to the fabric."You think I already do? You realize that saying that name gets you stared at on a good day and beaten to a pulp on a bad day? Or worse?" He snarled. "Do you want to know what happened at school today? We could get dissected in a science course and compared to another human, and we'd still be called devils."

"Dear, settle down. Mr. Ackerman wasn't accusing you of anything." Karina motioned him to sit back. He crossed his arms.

"I know. You know, I kind of hope that this whole history idea you've got is true. More reasons to show just how fucked up the whole world is because a stupid king enslaved a girl who was too stupid to realize he was treating her like one when he bred her and fed her to her children."

Karina almost dropped her tea. "Falco! Don't you speak of the girl that way!" She grimaced. That comment was personal to far too many Eldians. Levi touched her arm to not startle her. His touch relaxed her, but the pain of such an obtuse remark lingered on her face.

How could a frightened child love her captor? Tch, how could anybody be devoted to a government that required extreme compliance and the need for Eldian blood to sacrifice that could only be born by reducing their humanity to bare bones?

"The rule still applies, doesn't it? They were super powerful! Couldn't the royal family see how gross it was in their memories? They knew how she was treated in her life and in the Path. Couldn't they break that king's will or make it so that we didn't turn into monsters? It didn't have to be Eren. Anybody could have told her to just drop it and die." He rubbed his temples. "Or were all of us simply not good enough for her?"

Levi eyed his briefcase filled with a trove of the documents he and Karina had worked on. Could this satiate his mood? It was risky, but maybe this was the only thing the Eldian people could look to for any sense of truth. "Falco. It wasn't Eren who freed her. Do you remember? There were two of us Eldians who couldn't turn into Titans on that day."

"Oh? Oh yeah. You and Mikasa." He had to be careful to not bring up that feathery monster he once carried in his body.

"Correct. Our clan ancestors had been tortured and created to fight for the Founder, but by some purpose, there was a defect in our blood. We could rebel against our masters."

"Yeah, you're right. You were special and stronger than most Eldians. You could do something about it," Falco huffed. "I just screamed and cried when I had to take you to kill Eren."

"Dear. All of us were crying."

"Because we all thought we were going to die, Mrs. Braun."

It was as if Falco had a spinning wheel behind him that he pulled, and with every rotation, a boot would kick him in the ass. And if he tried dismantling the torture device, someone would just reassemble it as he got it under control. He didn't take pleasure in it, but he wanted others to share in his turmoil. He'd long cracked like glass under a hammer, and it would be a matter of time before the bits and pieces pierced the ones he once held so closely to his heart. It had already hurt the girl he crushed on.

This wasn't the first time anybody had done such a thing to the one he loved dearly to seek revenge against the world by bringing it down with him. The brat was going to hate him for saying what he said next, but this was only to be kind. And damn it, he would have to pretend to not be baffled by any of Onyonkopon's religious allegories from now on. After all, how the hell could the Eldians look to a mere human victim for strength?

"Grice. You are a descendent of Ymir Fritz. A victim just like you and us. It's damn okay to not like that. She was trapped in hell like all of us. Yet you need to make a choice. Lots of people care for you. We both do, and your parents do. Gabi does even if she's mad at you. You can join hands with other protestors demanding rightful treatment. You can show other people that we're not descendents of devils by some puff piece works. But you can't turn that anger into another Rumbling. Understand?"

The kid was going to pounce on him. He felt it. Yet stillness in the room remained.

"Mmph. Okay."

Falco was unfazed. Had he even been listening? The loose thread was in his hands. As small and fragile as it was, he had tied a simple knot into it. The mutt stuck his face up and rapidly sniffed this mysterious object but was met with a swat by the cold wet rag. Tch, why did people become attached to such negligible items? Or those great intangible things like power and money or ancestry?

"Falco?"

"Yes." His voice dripped with annoyance. "I promise I won't turn into Eren Jaeger, the devil himself. Not that I could even if I wanted to."

"Very well. Do you know when your parents will get here?"

"Oh, they're not coming. I was just pretending to call them to get out when I heard you. I'll walk home." He stood up.

"Then I'll call them," said Karina. "It's getting late, and you are not walking out there, patrols or not. And when they get here, I am making Gabi explain herself and apologize for her actions." She turned to Levi and touched his shoulder. "Make sure he doesn't leave."

She swiftly turned into the kitchen before Falco could protest. Levi shifted his weight and sent a searing pain up his thigh. It was almost useless to have him sit as a guard dog to prevent an agile nearly sixteen year old boy from leaving the house in his condition, yet as much of an advantage the boy had over him, something kept the boy here. He had so many things in his eyes: shame, fear, anger, distress, confusion. Just one speck in the eye could drive a man to insanity. Having a cluster of hideous specks, it was a shock he hadn't tried plucking his eyes out.

Falco leaned backwards in the chair and shut his eyes. He clenched the skinny knotted thread like his life depended on it. Viola was doing the same but with a small stuffed toy that looked like either a cat or a rabbit, and then proceeding to put a leg in her mouth. He didn't have to act like an adult if he didn't want to. At least a decade of time had been lost to that. Yet it was a surprise that the brat had something to say to him once Karina dialed his parents' phone.

"Mr. Levi? I have a question. Remember I'm still mad at you, but I just want to know something. About Ymir and you."

"About Ymir and me? Is this about the Ackerman clan?"

"No, not really. It's just that you said that Ymir was a victim like me and you two and that we're trapped in hell. Are you… did something happen to you we don't know about?"

Humanity's strongest soldier, beaten, wounded, held down, sliced open. Gawked at. Broken into bits and pieces. More of a puzzle to solve, the perfect construction of a devil without a soul. More of a buttressed myth than a person. Now to be placed on a dissection table once more. How could he answer such a question?

"There are many things that have happened to me that I have not told you about."

"So yes?"

"Yes."

Falco folded his hands and breathed out. He looked relieved. He cracked a slight smile. "Good. I like that."

"You like that I'm suffering?"

"Wha- no! No! I'm just glad you're not lying to me. Gabi and I don't want you to get worse. I swear if anybody lays a hand on you to hurt you-"

Levi cleared his throat.

"-that we will not try to play the heroes."

"Good. Don't get your asses involved in adult matters. They are more than capable of getting me through this." Provided that nothing happened to them. They weren't in any riskier position than he was at the moment, but with nobody knowing what could damn well happen at any given time, he had to keep that to himself. Damn it. Then he'd be alone.

"Okay."

Viola screeched. She had pulled herself up in her pen and tossed her animal toy outside the barricade. Her face twisted into a pout. The mutt wasn't any help, so Falco got up to get it. She squawked as a form of thanks. No sooner did she throw the poor beast out again. She squealed in amusement at her new game.

Karina returned. "Looks like you're stuck here until my brothers are back from work or Onyonkopon comes to take Mr. Ackerman home, Falco. Your parents' car's front tire burst. Some nails were scattered on your street."

Falco groaned. "Great job, patrols."

"Oh, it wasn't that. One of the neighbors' children got into the family's toolbox and decided to make a game of it on the street. They thought they got everything cleaned up."

"Oh? Good thing it wasn't those people. Hey, where did you bury that bird I killed? I need to see it. It's private."

Karina looked confused. "If it helps you, it's buried under the tree. But don't leave."

"I won't, Mrs. Braun. Here, watch this thread." He handed her the little thread with the knot. He slipped out the front door. The afternoon sun briefly illuminated the room before they were entrapped unlike the birds in search of food, but not companionship. Still not a peep sounded from the room where another lost little bird was caged. Levi would not have been shocked if she had broken the boarded window and climbed outside by now.

What immature brats they truly were. They couldn't save themselves from the uncertain future steadily lurking from behind. They needed them here.

"Levi, how are you feeling?"

"Tch, I think you'd know. You're not the only one who's attached yourself to Ymir."

She sat next to him, gently touching his bad hand but reluctant to draw too close in fear of another person bursting in on the scene. "Of course not. Never thought I'd dare speak her name for good. But do you think that bringing up Eren to Falco was a good idea?"

He couldn't help but scoff at Karina's disgusted undertone in speaking his name. He was born of the same Ymir as Falco was. He saw the world as she saw the world when outsiders crushed their villages and pushed the survivors to desperation. Too many people pushed them to their limits to "benefit" humanity- people they never even knew as beings with souls and hearts. And then they snapped. Yet they weren't devils. They were just humans.

"Yes. I recognize that look he gave. But this time I knew what it meant, unlike last time. Can't let the next one to take his place do anything."

"I see. You have a talent for that."

"Regretting again?"

"I am."

"Stop it then. You can stand for yourself. You know that." Theo knocked over Levi's abandoned crutch much to the baby's amusement. Tch, maybe that was easier said than done.

"Well, I think it's better to feel something than nothing at all these days than to close yourself off. You know that."

He felt himself go warm. Did she have to rub it in too? Change of topic. "Do you think Falco will really keep this rel– our ordeal, quiet?"

"I don't doubt it. He's spiteful of everyone, but I don't think he'd go as far as to report it to the papers. Oh, they were a hindrance to us. They've tried knocking on our doors to ask about Reiner. My brother had to flag a patrol to drag them away! Dolph told us he had some try to heckle him for information, but what would he know? He's been trying not to drink, but he's tempted to try again!" Karina sighed. "Falco wouldn't want himself tangled up in this given how close our families are."

As if on cue, the bedroom door creaked. "Aunt Karina?" asked an exhausted voice. "Can I come out? I'm thirsty."

Karina stood. "You can, but you are still in trouble, young lady." She went to the kitchen to quench the girl's thirst. Gabi cautiously stepped down the hallway as if a mine would go off. Yet it wasn't a planted mine she was concerned about exploding.

"Hey, where's Falco? And what are you doing here, Levi?" Her hair was a mess, her clothes were wrinkled, and her eyes were red. Her baby sister babbled, which probably meant she was happy to see her.

"He went outside to collect himself. I'm here because… I needed to talk to your aunt, another adult. Turns out locking myself in a room is a bad idea." Karina returned with the water. "Now talk with your aunt. I'm not here to resolve your issue with Falco."

Gabi took a sip. She blushed knowing her wrong was exposed to another person behind her back. "Aunt Karina. I'm sorry I punched Falco. He was making me mad. How could he talk about our own family like that? You wouldn't try to deceive us anymore about anything! Or trick us! And Reiner is like another brother to him." She sat down in the armchair of great lamentations.

"Dear, should being proud of your family mean that you should never be criticized for your faults?" Her face appeared as if she were looking in a mirror image of herself as she spoke. Yet she embraced that pain with grace and acceptance.

"No," Gabi whimpered.

"Then we can still love each other and know we were in the wrong before. Alright?"

"I'm sorry," her eyes welled with tears. "I just want F-Falco and R-Reiner to be o-okay again."

In an act of love, Karina did not hesitate to console her. She knelt by her niece and hugged her, stroking her long hair. Levi did not dare to speak up to ruin this. He knew she could do this. If she could help two kids- only one from her family- she could help her own son. But she would always need a push from somebody. He could only hope that somebody could take his place if what he feared most happened.

"We'll help them any way we can. There are people who can help them too."

"I kn-know," she sniffled. She squirmed her way out of the embrace for another sip of water. She was probably hoping it would shrink the lump in her throat. "I d-don't want us to beco-come d-devils. I want to be a g-good Eldian."

"You are already a good Eldian, Gabi. And we don't need to be perfect to do that. Now, how about I go get Falco inside so you two can talk and apologize to each other?

"Okay. But please help us if we fight again."

"I will. Can you hold onto this little thread he started playing with? It's very important to him."

Gabi examined it. "This thing? With the little knot?"

"Remember when we spoke at the table a few days ago?"

Gabi thought for a moment, then whatever she realized about it came to be. Levi wanted to ask too just what was so fascinating about a cloth thread and if they needed to get some yarn to play with too when some voices close to the door from the outside echoed. Two male voices.

"Falco, what are you-"

"Just wait one minute, please! Go! Stand back! Do it! Good! Now don't move!"

Before anybody could react, Falco slid through the door as if he were trying to shield the people inside and outside from seeing each other. Not that anybody was fooled by whose voice was baffled by whatever the brat was doing to prevent him from entering his own family's house. Karina and Gabi were aghast and nearly in a panic.

Falco panted. He slammed the door as loudly as he could. "Uh, it looks like Reiner's home."

…