A Middle-Aged Boy- A Few Minutes Prior
Go home. That's all he had asked. And if anybody dared suggested otherwise, hell, he had the power to override them for once in his life. They wouldn't try to drag him to an asylum and shut him in with people who actually had reason to be pitied. Most of them probably had an intention of jumping him when he least expected it anyways.
He had almost wished for Mikasa to accompany him back on the cargo plane if there had been enough room. She had her dignity and all in tact. Clearly she retained her status as a top ten from scouting days even without any special bloodline in her. But she had her own duties to attend to on the island. He felt fine casting that burden onto her. Wouldn't be the first time he had made others do the dirty work for him.
She could even bring him down if he were perceived as a threat. She had attempted several times before. Disappointingly, everyone's stances on each other were far more neutral than before, and he had immunity from any unjust punishment, and now she had no desire to cause any harm to innocent lives. In fact, she seemed nothing but concerned for him when they had arrived at the port where members of the Azumabito had prepped the newer working model of the plane for takeoff at a rapid pace. She tried to keep the topics positive to distract him and acted like nothing had happened.
"You going back to your family when you get to the mainland?"
Damn it. He hadn't even considered his family after he lost it. There was getting away from this place, but now there was another place he had to weigh the benefits and costs of. Sure, his failure this time around didn't mean that their lives were directly at stake. That considered, their opinions on the island sure wouldn't be pleasant. The local newspapers spouting rhetoric only amplified their perceptions, and the radios- which Eldians had not been allowed to own a few years prior- dramatized it.
He was most concerned about Gabi. She idolized him since she was little, and she was still so naive in some ways despite nearing adulthood. Sure, she'd understood him once before and why he was so hurt by the island, but again? She had been so optimistic before he left that he would succeed in bringing some semblance of peace by taming the flames of hatred from the hearts of the people. She boasted about it to Falco and some of her other friends. But would she understand why some people would be driven to great extremes in response to their mere existence? He only remembered flecks of the one asylum he was in when his grandmother lost her own sanity, and it wasn't beautiful.
And then there was his mother. He didn't even want to think about her. She had so much influence over the family and what they were supposed to believe about him and the island before. They were such passive pawns in the grand scheme of things. But Mikasa was anticipating a response as her gray eyes shimmered. He was too exhausted and empty to tell her how he felt about it. But it was what he requested.
"I am for the time being. Gabi probably wants me there."
Mikasa nodded. "She was just a scared little kid when I met her. I hope she's doing well. "
"She is. She's done a lot to wash out any propaganda and hatred instilled in her. Not sure about the rest of the family."
"I don't blame either of you for anything that's happened here," Mikasa suddenly stated. "The only person anything directly falls on these days… is dead." She rubbed her forehead. "When the truth is in front of you, you just want to create the perfect picture of what you want to see for yourself instead of what is." It was nice of her to show some sympathy. But it didn't remove the guilt he harbored.
"Thanks." That's all he could say.
They got out of the vehicle with blacked out windows. A few of the Azumabito greeted them with glances. Mikasa got mostly warm greetings. Kiyomi was there and waved to her. An Eldian guard was with her. He seemed to be wearing the uniform the rest of the Jaegerists wore. Reiner didn't want to know how much vetting had to be done on a short notice to oust any factions against them.
"Mikasa, our dearest daughter. I see you have brought Ambassador Braun safely. Our communications with Esereso indicate a clear path of flight ahead." She turned to Reiner. "And with our latest innovations with the iceburst stone, the flight is bound to be smoother than before, and not just for a lack of projectiles being hurled at the plane. Hizuru is proud to continue to serve its allies in the world we now live in."
Reiner couldn't tell if he or Mikasa had wished to have rolled their eyes further back. The kindest thing this woman could do was cut out the pep and vanity given the situation and her history in sucking up and selling out.
"Thank you. He's ready to depart."
Reiner took hold of his luggage, not wanting any help from Mikasa. He didn't want to be treated like a child because of his condition. Then, she touched him and spoke to him quietly.
"Hey. I've never met your parents or the rest of your family, but if you have at least one person who cares for you and wants you to return alive, that's all that matters."
A little unrealistic, in his opinion. But he acknowledged her advice.
"I'll try." He proceeded toward the grunting plane, but then, Mikasa rushed at him. He tensed up, worrying about the Jaegerist guard standing nearby turning on him. But she looked at him, almost pleadingly.
"Please, one more thing. It's about…my own family. Well, I don't know if you can really call us that given our clan's wide roots, but before it's too late…" Mikasa pulled a folded up piece of paper out of her shirt pocket. "Please give this to Captain Levi or pass this along to him. I was going to give this to Armin after negotiations finish, but… I'm having some regrets. I'm aware of what he's been through over the past three years, and…" She bowed her head. "I feel guilty for not being there."
Reiner carelessly stuffed it into his own shirt pocket. Not the first time he had to deliver a letter with terrible news. But this was a simple enough task to do.
"I will." He nodded and entered the plane. Mikasa waved. An Azumabito would be piloting, and for that he was thankful because over the noise of the engine, the Jaegerist guard made a very snide remark.
"Too bad this Eldian is Marleyan blood tainted. I'm sure he'd be a fine Eldian if he-"
He was cut off by Mikasa's deathly glare.
Reiner couldn't tell what anybody hated him more for being: an Eldian or a Marleyan. No, he had the best of both worlds with this. Marley's former lapdog.
He was just thankful that the driver of the vehicle didn't have the gall to talk to him. Esereso's people had enough problems hating both empires for their histories ransacking their holy land. Or maybe it was that he didn't know about one half of his lineage. His aunts were the gossiping types after his mother had shared the truth sometime back in the camp following the end of the battle and months of questioning, but surely the locals would have wanted nothing to do with Eldians alone.
Regardless, it wasn't as difficult dealing with two bloodlines in him as it was two people. He thought he'd shut them out long ago. Nope. They had to come back in the worst way by means of something completely out of his control.
Not that fate had been any kinder to him here when he was briefed on some of what had happened over the past week on the mainland. Obviously nothing had happened to his family. On Marley, if anything had happened to his younger cousins, he would have fallen to depths of despair reached only by death. But with his older relatives' self-flagellation, maybe they were cheering it on.
He didn't even need to be admitted to an asylum to see all the fucked up people there. All he had to do was see Gabi's parents and his mother. They weren't so different from him. After all, the lack of open windows from the street's view was a nice detail. No way he could escape. But they'd be trapped with him, a much better alternative than him being trapped with them.
There had been no communication with his family ahead of time for his return to prevent any word leaking on the mainland. The last thing he needed was to be hounded by the press about the state of the island or the bandage on his hand from a little incident with the dinner knife. If he hadn't been stopped, there would have been no second chance available. He would have gone where he would have been sent two years ago had Titan powers still existed. Or would he? Where else was there to go?
Oh, he knew the answer to that one. He just didn't want to face Eren quite yet, wherever he was rotting. Thank fuck they ended up not visiting the grave site after all.
For now, the only place he was going was to the house the vehicle had stopped at. If nobody was at home, he'd have to find the spare house key his Uncle Mateo was always losing. Though evidently, this wasn't the case since there was an adolescent standing by the tree on the lawn, but not the one related to him. He looked taken aback, and something was wrong with his eye.
Reiner drew out his wallet and took the biggest bill he could find.
"Here, thanks for the trouble. May want to save it since the price of grain's about to rise." A sizable portion of land on the continent that was being used as a farmstead was struck by a massive drought. No need to trouble the citizens here with something that had been part of his failure. The driver raised an eye at him but didn't question it. Not like the Braun family wasn't already treated well with two little medallions that could get them anything they needed.
He slipped out of the vehicle with his suitcase in tow. The vehicle drove off. Falco stood still. He sure wasn't the young boy from the Training Program anymore. He was catching up to where his older brother had been height wise, but he was looking rather sickly, and his eye was turning black and blue. He seemed not surprised but almost frightened to see him. Poor kid. He was left without a brother in his life over three years ago, and the closest thing he had to one alive almost made another selfish decision… if that really was him making the decision. Falco walked over as if to ensure he was the real Reiner and not a trick of his eyes.
"Reiner? You're… home?"
"Yeah. Sorry for the surprise, but it took a lot of effort to get me back here and the government thought it best to keep it under wraps."
"Gabi told me about it. I'm… sorry that happened to you." Falco eyed his injured hand. "Are you okay?"
"Do I look alright, Falco?" He was too exhausted to care for his good intent in his naive questions. "And what happened to you? Did somebody attack you?"
"Oh! Uh, that was uh… my fault. I was just… hit by a ball in gymnasium! Funny, really! I'm getting rusty! Used to dodge bullets and mines but all it takes is one ball for a lovely bruise!" His voice crescendoed with that same fake merry tone that Kiyomi used. "Nothing to worry about."
"Are you sure? It looks like someone punched you."
"It was thrown by a really strong kid. The teacher ought to separate us by strength next time." Falco was getting antsy. He peered at the shut door behind them.
Reiner sighed. "Okay, you can tell me the truth later. Is Gabi with you here? And my mom?"
"Uh… I think so." Reiner raised an eyebrow. What was his problem? Was Falco scared of him? Well, he had every right to; he couldn't fault him for that. Finally, he answered honestly. "Yeah, they are. Sorry, just thinking. I can't seem to find my medallion and last saw it out here. Can you help me look for it?"
"Falco. I feel like hell and don't want anybody to see me out here."
"Oh please! I don't want to go downtown to get a replacement in times like these!"
"Then borrow mine. I'll dig it out for you when we go inside." He snarled the last words. He made his advance toward the door. Good god, was this a preview of how everyone else in the house would treat him?
"Wait! You're not thinking straight! Aren't you worried that your mom is going to freak out? It's a good idea to prepare her and Gabi. They'll bother you so much when you just want to rest! I'll let them know! Wait out here for one minute! Please!" Falco strode ahead of him and blocked the door.
"Falco, what are you-"
"Just wait one minute, please! Go! Stand back! Do it! Good! Now don't move!" Falco slid through the door just wide enough for him to fit through and slammed it, locking it tight. It was no use to waste resources on this battle. Hell, Falco was right. It wasn't the smartest move to arrive unannounced. Nothing he could do to change that now.
He decided to take cover under the tree on the lawn while he waited for Falco to settle the impending doom brought by his arrival. It wasn't sunny enough to create any shadows, but it was wide enough that a casual passerby wouldn't notice him.
A patch of ground under his foot was uneven. Did the dog bury something here? It looked too smooth for an animal to have buried part of a lost item or skeletal remains for future consumption. All kinds of things had washed up on the shores of the mainland and ended up in the gutters, so a treasure trove of bone fragments wasn't uncommon.
This tree had been lucky that it had not been trampled underfoot or turned into firewood. Who knew how long it had been here? Longer than he had been alive for certain, and it would probably last longer than him unless there was another winter from hell's frozen twin ahead.
It was nice to get some peace and quiet outside of Falco freaking out. Well, until some bird in one of the branches raised a fuss over him being too close for comfort. Chip, chip, chip. How annoying. It was pissing him off. If it kept this up, the whole family would be fed wild bird stew tonight. They'd had plenty of that when they were in the refugee camp a few years back. Unlike the first time Reiner had been in a refugee camp on that island.
The man's eyes bulged out, vacant of life. His skin had turned a shade of blue. It looked so unnatural, but he couldn't take his eyes off of him. A few of the adults had meticulously worked to cut him down gently from the tree, but that wasn't easy. Suddenly, the weight of dead meat was too much to handle for the angle they were at, and the cadaver hit the ground and splattered.
It was a gruesome sight with his organs and pooled blood spreading over the equally dead infertile ground. Nobody wanted to touch him more than they had to, so they just buried him under the tree. No songs, no prayers, no comfort to the man who had lost everything for his own self-preservation. No items to pass along to his already deceased children.
But there was something eerily fascinating about all the blood and guts spilled in front of Reiner. It was different from being in the body of a fifteen meter Titan where every crushed body looked no different than an ant turned to pulp. This was a man whose body had encased all that kept him alive. Immaterial stuff that had given three children a cover story about their origins from an off-the-map settlement. He had sadness, anger, resentment, and guilt.
He had once had a life, and they had stolen it from him.
No, it wasn't Annie and Bertholdt's fault.
It was his own.
The chirping snapped him out of it. His bandaged hand hurt, and Reiner only realized that he was pressing his hand against the rough bark tightly. Maybe the bird would be spared another night for waking him from his trance. He looked up. Nobody could climb the branches, but a rope could easily be swung around the branch and-
No. No. He couldn't have those thoughts. He made his way to the doorway. Was Falco about done announcing his untriumphant return? He thought he could pick up some muffled voices in there along with a fussy baby Viola.
"Let him in! Let him in!" As much as Gabi lacked self-control, Reiner agreed with her.
"Come on… sees you?"
"Falco, I am not hiding in a closet!"
"Then… uh…watch the baby!"
Wait, he knew that voice that protested being shut away. He rarely ventured out of that apartment unless he was forced to for his ill health or was invited over for a dinner where he mostly kept quiet unless prompted otherwise, but he wasn't a stranger to them or one to nose about and chatter. Why did they want to hide him suddenly?
The next person to speak was too quiet to understand, but Gabi pleaded with her. "See him… need him."
"Give them space…." Levi replied. Hell, Levi was probably the most sane of anybody to be sitting in the house right now. But Reiner's patience was running out. Maybe it was a good idea to look for the spare key after all. This act was pissing him off.
Chip chip chip. Wings fluttered behind him. These birds were getting so aggressive. Good god, were they going to have to formalize a treaty with the wildlife too, apologizing for trampling on their space and provoking them? Yet that wasn't the case here. A mother bird had followed her chick out of the nest. The chick was ugly and missing feathers and didn't know how to fly. It cocked its head at Reiner, not sensing the danger he posed. Poor thing. The mother bird chirped at her offspring. It stood still. He had to knock some sense into it, and couldn't be too gentle. That was once Marcel's own downfall.
"Go!" He aimed a pebble at it that skirted past it. The chick did a funny half jump and half flutter across the lawn and tripped over. Mother bird wasn't too happy as she chased after. At least it learned its lesson. Either it learned now or only understood once a stray animal crushed its fragile bones in its mouth. Well, he accomplished something.
"Uh, Reiner? What are you doing?" Falco asked softly. The door had clicked open behind him a crack. If that had been anybody else, he would have been escorted to the nearest asylum for speaking to animals.
"Just scaring off a bird. Family doesn't like them messing up the lawn."
"Yeah, they're everywhere lately and I hate them." His voice dripped with rage. Reiner took a step back. And he thought he was in a terrible mood. Something had made this kid into a vicious beast and he didn't want to cross a line. Yet Falco seemed embarrassed by his spontaneous action as much as Reiner was of his own.
"S-sorry, uh, nothing. They're just… annoying." Falco pushed the door open wider. Okay, come on, come inside! I'll take you to your room!" Without warning, Falco had grabbed onto his sleeve and half-dragged him through the entryway. "Oh, shit! Your suitcase! I'll get that later, come on!"
Reiner did not want to question what was going through another's head right now given his own state, but it was rather difficult when Levi was clearly sitting on the sofa with the baby next to him. His typically sour expression was especially tangy as he was clearly attempting to not acknowledge his presence, likely by order of the kids.
It wasn't far to travel to the bedroom he shared with his uncle, aunt, and cousin. Yet there was no chance for peace and quiet as someone rammed into him into an embrace as Falco slammed the door shut behind him.
"You're back! You're back!" She started sobbing into him despite how dirty his clothes were and how gross he felt. No surprise given the ways he'd returned home from wars before and how he'd be given undeserved hugs and lavish praises and sworn statements that she would be as good as he was one day. Oh, those days, when she knew he had the strength of a Titan in him and almost nothing could kill him.
"Gabi…." he was too tired for words.
"Gabi, what are you doing here? I told you he wants to rest. He's tired," said Falco. He placed a hand on Gabi's shoulder. She flinched like a horse with a fly on its back. She wasn't going to let go easily, yet Falco needed something to do to occupy his anxiety.
"Here, it's okay. Let's sit on my bed. You go get my things." Falco slipped out without a word. Reiner pried Gabi from her constrictive embrace and made her sit down. Her eyes were a painful shade of pink. He couldn't get mad at her for contributing snot and tears to his shirt. "It's okay. I'm here."
"No it's not. I don't want you to lie to me. Why… why did you… hurt yourself? " Her brown eyes pleaded. Her anger was mixed with fear and confusion.
What a question. How to come up with an answer when he was drained of life, he'd have to think about this carefully. Then, without thinking, it slipped.
"Gabi. I'm really fucked up in the head. I wasn't thinking clearly. That's why. It's nothing you or anybody did." He hoped that would soften the blow. It wasn't a complete lie.
She blinked and sniffled. "I believe you. Falco's the same way. He's pretending right now that he's fine." She sighed and leaned up to him to request a hug. "It's been so hard without you here." Her voice cracked. "I just want you both to be okay. Please, don't do anything idiotic again."
So, something was wrong with Falco? He wasn't just anxious about his surprise return? Shit. Well, that wasn't his problem to deal with.
"Thanks. I'm sorry, Gabi. I really am." He stroked her messy hair. She needed to take better care of her hair. Hair ties became unfashionable once she was no longer a little girl but now a middle aged adolescent. It wouldn't get any easier when she was his age.
Falco swung the door open. He set down the suitcase. "Don't worry, I got it. Come on, Gabi-"
"No!" She barked. "Go away! Don't come near him!"
"Falco, it's okay. Just give her a minute. Hey, you said my mom was here. Is she okay?"
"Oh, uh… I thought she was here." Falco scratched his head. "I must have been thinking about… I was just confused about where we were. Since we're usually at Mr. Levi's apartment and-"
"Falco. I could hear four people talking through the door. Unless the baby or the dog learned to talk while I was gone, I think you're trying to keep us from seeing each other." It looked like his lying skills- along with his dodging skills, supposedly- were getting rusty as well.
Falco sighed. "Okay, fine. She's in her room. She's kinda feeling terrible for you and wanted to give you some time to collect yourself."
"Oh? I see. And why is Levi here? I don't think he's here to watch the baby."
"Him? Well, he was just here because Onyankopon brought him. He was getting bored being locked up with all these dumb protests going on, and since my parents don't want us walking to the apartment after school either." He clapped his hands together. "Okay, it's been a minute. Are you done clinging to Reiner yet, Gabi?" He tried to pull her off of him.
"Falco!" Gabi nearly lunged at him.
"Okay, stop!" Reiner pushed them apart. Even with the light on, the bedroom was rather dull, and it was getting very stuffy. Conditions would be perfect for falling asleep if it weren't for these two. "Here, we're taking this outside. You two are acting like devils."
Both of them stared at him. Were they so aghast at being called devils, a title they knew since they were born?
"Come on, go!"
Falco was the first out the door. Gabi stuck close to Reiner's side. Even so, he pushed her despite her silent refusal to leave his side. Down the hall, Theo the dog shook with excitement inside his crate. Theo. The kids did have rosier memories of the fallen commander than he did. If it was his animal, he would have just left it nameless. Only a few animals in Marley were worthy of proper names and titles.
"Open the door." Falco slipped out. Gabi looked up. "Out. I'm coming." She would wipe his shoes if he asked her to. Before either of them could say another word, Reiner quickly shut the door and locked it. A few muffled exclamations sounded through the door. He just needed them away until they calmed down and he got some clarity.
"Reiner. Welcome back." His spoken name cut through the peace and quiet. Levi hadn't moved from position on the sofa. Little Viola squawked. She probably didn't recognize him. She returned to chewing on a stuffed toy. Levi, however, was studying him over with that obscure one-eyed stare.. He was calculating what to say next carefully.
"Hey. Sorry for all this. Were they trying to hide you from me for some reason?"
"Falco was. He's had too many realizations about the world recently, and it's been a pain in the ass for everyone to deal with. Can't do much about it. Just have to play along with it."
One of the kids pounded on the door. Would they ever shut up. The least Reiner could do was lean up against the door. Penance by beating felt wonderful.
"I see. Gabi told me something was off about him."
"He was worried you would get upset if you saw me because of the past incidents we've all had."
"Oh? I don't blame him." A blade through the neck and chest would have felt good right about now. Swift and merciful. Far less cruel death than what others were dealt. "But thanks."
Levi nodded slightly. "I'm just doing as I'm told." Viola inched to the edge of the sofa, but Levi stuck out an arm. "He's angry at everyone and numbering their own sins against him. And those by blood relation too. I'm sorry to say it was enough to drive Gabi to sock him in the eye."
Reiner had started to develop a horrible headache from exhaustion over the last few days, and it pulsated with each unworthy heartbeat of his. He groaned. He could only guess what Falco could be holding against him. He felt too weary to provide an answer. But now Gabi was caught up in this too? Just what had happened in his absence that he didn't know about?
"Do her parents know?" He hoped that they weren't pummeling each other outside as they spoke.
"We were just about to have Gabi apologize, but then you arrived."
"Thanks. I'll have to deal with her when I don't feel like I got my ass beat."
"Kar- your mother and I will handle it."
Oh yeah. That was one person he'd forgotten about he would have rather forgotten about for the time being."Good. Yeah, Falco said she was in her room. Was he telling the truth?"
"Yes. She's been in a lot of grief over you. She needs some time before she sees you."
"Fair enough. I hope the rest of my family hasn't troubled you."
"No. They haven't." Levi tried shifting his weight on the sofa. His face twisted into a grimace and he muttered some expletives under his breath. "We're all tied up in this shit like knots anyways." His whole body twitched.
"Are you alright?"
He sat up and clenched the arm of the sofa. "No. Leg's been determined to be needing another treatment. Tch, it's going to turn me into a real devil otherwise."
And Reiner was likely going to need that same thing on him, only for his head. Whether there were going to be needles and knives involved or simply talking, he didn't know yet. Well, regardless, he was already enough of a real devil for being alive.
"They'll take good care of you."
He sighed. "I hope so." He bit his lip, then looked Reiner straight in the eye. "Your family will help you do the same. It's been hard on them, but they are learning to not shoulder every wrongdoing of our ancestors and blame it on themselves. They're just scared of making the wrong choice. Because of knots tying things together. It's a lot to explain, but you should go get some rest."
All this had happened when he was gone for a few weeks? And they were just talking about it casually as if he'd been gone less than a day? Well, Reiner had been right. Levi was the sanest one here. His look could kill, but there was something calming about it this time. Viola rolled toward him and babbled. Even the baby liked him.
The door jittered and clicked open. Reiner jumped out of the way. Had the kids found the spare key? He was ready to lecture Gabi for her outburst against Falco. Yet by the appearance of them with his uncles and cousin Martino crowded in the doorway, Reiner quickly determined the answer was 'no'. Gabi and Falco marched their way to the kitchen without a word.
"You're back, nephew. We're glad you're home." Uncle Giuseppe was the first to acknowledge his presence. He didn't sound overly joyful or emotional saying it. There was some awkward shuffling about the room and tight lips and eying each other as if to encourage the next person to say something. Martino slipped off quickly to their shared bedroom to grab something, probably his cigars he'd taken up smoking since he began his construction job.
"Thanks." He didn't need the pity he knew he would receive.
"I wish that our government would have been more transparent with us, but who are we to complain? Just a bunch of Eldians." He hung up his coat. He raised an eyebrow toward the occupants on the sofa. "And hello, Mr. Ackerman. I apologize for the way my daughter has been acting. She will have a lot of explaining to do once her mother gets here. And my sister as well if-"
"Your sister had everything under control. I was just here by happenstance." Levi interjected. Something seemed uncharacteristically fierce about him in his response. Likely because of the pain he was in.
Uncle Giuseppe sighed. "Well, thank you for your help anyways. If you would like to stay for dinner, you are more than welcome."
"No. Onyankopon should be coming for me soon. Too damn exhausted from too much activity today." He rubbed his temples with his good hand while occupying the baby with the other. "You have some matters to handle with your children."
"Right. I'll have to see what my sister has in mind because of this being a matter of… her involvement with this, as I've been told." He looked at Reiner. At that moment, Reiner wished that the house would collapse on top of him. And something was upsetting Levi about this too. He was clenching his teeth. He didn't have to get angry on his behalf, damn it. So much for letting everyone else deal with their own problems.
"Uncle, everyone's too upset right now. Get dinner started and get some rest. I'm going to get some sleep myself. I'll talk to Gabi tomorrow." With that, he left the entryway and made his way to the bedroom. Gabi and Falco peered from the kitchen nervously. He had quenched the flames of hell for now.
Back in the living room, Levi was managing on his own. "And I'm done watching the brat. She's taking a shit as we speak." Good for him. He wasn't going to let his status as a good-enough-island-devil get to him in this household.
Martino exited the bedroom. He dodged Reiner and dashed past him without a word as if he were afraid to unleash something evil in him. They had their own ways of escaping stress. One was by means of sickly fumes coating their lungs, and the other was by sleeping and perhaps being cursed with a dream of blood.
Before that, Reiner gazed at the shut door down the hallway where his mother was hiding from this. Was she listening through the door? The walls weren't that thin. Or maybe she was like him and hadn't escaped that craved status of being an honorary Marleyan and found solitude in those bizarre fantasies of being a happy family with that gross man and was off dreaming of that world that didn't exist. Hell, maybe that's where he got some of his other traits from.
He shut his own bedroom door and threw off his sweat and snot stained shirt and put on a new one. His arms hurt from being in that cramped cargo plane. The armrests had particularly pained him over the few scars he had obtained as a test subject after the Titan powers dissipated. Not even being a wielder of the Shield brought him those marks. But those stories were all dumb fantasies too.
His shirt pocket crinkled. He had forgotten about Mikasa's own letter. No matter. He'd take care of it when he could. It was time to rest.
…
Creak.
He didn't know how long he'd been sleeping for with the windows being shuttered, so it could have been an hour or even a whole night, but he didn't want to bother to respond to whoever opened the door and disturbed him from the best sleep he had in a while..
No dream yet. Not even hues of crimson red. It had been all a blank place of nothingness and peace. No sadness, anger, resentment, or guilt.
He made sure not to move. If that was Gabi sneaking in to check on him, he'd never fall back asleep as she asked millions of questions and tried to rationalize why he was the way he was. It could have been one of the others bringing him food or water. Not that he wanted any in his state. He laid on his side facing the wall, the oldest trick in the book to fool another into thinking you were asleep when you weren't.
Or maybe they were only checking to make sure he was still person stood there for an eternity without another movement. They were breathing as lightly as possible with a touch of sniffles from tears being shed. Finally a soft sigh.
"Oh, Reiner." Her words were barely audible.
So, his mother had the courage to see him in his miserable condition. She took another step toward the bed. He had to not tense up too much or she'd suspect he was awake. He wasn't ready to talk to her even if she, against all odds, was.
She gently touched his messy hair and played with it. When was she going to speak, damn it? His body was aching from the suspenseful silence. He thought he heard a shuffle outside the bedroom door and something clicking against the floorboards.
He felt like a meek little kid again before those days he had to become a soldier and then a Warrior, and then a mix of the two. Those days when his mother knew best and comforted him and when she was honest about the world and why he had to step up and save their family and the world. She couldn't be the one to save the world because Marley wasn't letting mothers and fathers use the Titan powers. He had to do it. Her hopes and dreams had to be carried by the next best person for the role, the child whom nobody really wanted to exist within the family or across political lines.
His mother moved to gently stroking his face. He tremored.
"If only you'd been born a Marleyan."
Maybe if he were Marleyan, he would have at least been crushed to death quickly. And he would have been united in death with the rest of the family.
"You brought… it here?"
If only he hadn't been born at all, maybe his family- who wouldn't be his family at all- and millions around the world would have been spared so much suffering. And he would just be in a blank place. No road to follow to lead to an inevitable, meaningless ending outside of empty honor.
"Welcome home. You're safe now."
But he wasn't in that blank place. He was here. He couldn't escape from it no matter even if he were awake enough to do something about it.
She kissed him tenderly on the forehead. His body felt cold from the touch. What had he done to deserve this after returning an utter failure? A gross creature with mingled blood, a high transgression? Perhaps even a devil felt something for her kin as she readjusted a blanket over him. No wonder he was chilled. He'd tossed the blanket away in his blank state.
His throat closed and his eyes became wet. He was too weak to move from his comfortable position he was allowed, but there was no use in pretending he was sleeping. He choked out what he could manage.
"Hi, Mom."