Paradis' Strongest Soldier
Neither the natural nor the man-crafted world ceased its activities despite the growing tensions inside and outside the pastureland of Esereso. News of more arrests from factions spouting their own propaganda echoed on the noisy radio and were amplified in bold text in the printed newspapers. And Levi was alright with staying inside, and not just for the heightened danger toward Eldians.
His pain had amplified, and had he not spent most of his days sitting in solace, he would have likely passed out again. But he wasn't about to let others take great pity on him. To take his mind off of it, he tried to focus on the news about how negotiations on the island had finally begun. All reports made sure to include the fact that one ambassador had been taken ill and would not be participating. Though a few rumors had propped up among the Eseresoan-Eldian community that something else had happened to one of their own, something far more sinister than anyone was letting on.
Conspiracies of a type of warfare co-developed by Hizuru and Paradis, created from Iceburst Stone, proliferated like water through sand. Weapons stronger than thunderspears that could fly like them, much more deadly upon impact and with the potential to spread deadly chemicals. Did these actually exist, or was somebody just trying to find a reason to find something new to fear now that Titans were dead?
Fortunately, the Eldians visiting Levi that afternoon had no interest in idle chatter and personal speculation fueled by commentators. They were too concerned with their own son and Levi's own isolation. Just petty skirmishes by comparison to ideas about chemical warfare.
"Are you sure you don't want any medication?" Cecilia Grice asked. "If not, we can ask an apothecary in our neighborhood to make an herbal remedy. He's a local but very vocal against his own people persecuting us." Falco's mother was too kind. She had taken the time to do all his cleaning for him that he was too messed up to do earlier in the day.
"No. I'm not going to have you risk it."
"Alright. Dear, are you about finished with the dishes?"
"Almost," Ramon Grice replied over the clanking of the stacking of plates. Levi trusted he wouldn't drop any of his tea cups- it was one of his first possessions of his own he had received when he moved here It had been considerate of them to bring over dinner since he couldn't be assed to do much on his own. He felt like a bloody leech. But knowing the scorn he would get from Onyankopon and Karina, he had no choice but to accept the courtesy.
It was better than being left alone to sit in misery. Yet the clock toward curfew ticked closer to arrival. Nobody was allowed out afterwards, no questions asked.
"Need anything, dear?"
"No, Mom."
It had been Falco's first day of finally seeing that psychiatrist. He was seated quietly nearby with some yarn in his hands, fumbling with it, tying little knots in it. It had turned out that this was rather soothing to the brat. The psychiatrist had commended Falco's parents for the method of helping handle his anxiety and anger. Of course, they were too modest to take credit and brought it up to Levi at the start of the visit, but he had to, in turn, attribute that to Karina. He never did learn why a flimsy little thread became so important to him after being socked in the eye.
He hoped she was doing alright with everything at the house. There had been no word from them or Onyankopon since that night. Maybe that was damn good. She sorted out the two younger brats as they tried to outdo each other in who was the worst of them, so she could probably get a handle on Reiner.
But he wasn't a brat. He stopped being one years ago. He had no say in his own future but war and a shitty curse that would take him unless another unwilling participant stepped up. At least with a curse, he knew what would take him when the time came. Now, he had to make a path made out of broken blocks and one fucked up mind. And a hurting family who was just starting to understand themselves in the real world.
Painful as it was to hear the despair of a man who was weighed down by guilt, this wasn't Levi's call to make a decision for him. This wasn't that day in Shiganshina. This was a different burden of a different type of humanity on a different man.
Not all love and pride had been lost between those two- it had existed, just in a twisted, shitty way. Sons didn't go crying to mothers who hated their guts for being born. Mothers who despised their sons didn't console them for pains they couldn't feel. Ymir's children loved their mother to the point of worship, but what about their father of shitty lies? Evidently they loved him too.
Her children were never without love for over 2,000 years. It was damn impossible. Tch, they were born of a fucked up union, but not all of their choices were without love, were they? For their spouses. Their children. Villages. Cities. Whole ass nations. Commanders. Comrades. Complete strangers they had never met. People kept apart by walls and oceans between them.
Levi wished he and Karina could see each other again. They didn't need to do anything soppy- they couldn't let themselves get too situated with Reiner in the picture. But just sitting with each other would be damn nice. And the topic of the book would not be as uncomfortable to discuss. Not that the Grice's were as fearful toward Paradis or topics of Eldian history, but Levi wanted to mince his words around Falco. He hadn't said anything, but one slip up and his anger could spill.
Had he kept his promise to keep silent about what he witnessed and what they had discussed about Ymir Fritz? If he hadn't, he and his parents were doing a fantastic job keeping up an act in avoiding a relationship quite unexpected. They were far less nosy than the Braun's. But being lost in his thoughts must have caused some concern and a need for a change of topic.
"How's your let- uh, book coming along?" Falco asked without looking up. His black eye had almost faded back to its normal color. "The Ackerman clan one we found?"
Shit. Why that?
"Fine. Parts of it are too damn difficult to understand, but I'm not about to hand it over to anybody else to read. Details are too intimate to share."
Intimate. Falco raised an eyebrow and let a slight smirk form. Did he find this game amusing? Levi had never regretted a word choice more than ever before.
"Oh?" Cecilia piped up.
"Mom, he doesn't want to share it." Tch, good save, brat. He was on Falco's good side today.
"Dear, I wasn't going to take it from him without asking. I'm just excited that something about our people survived even if it's not our branch of Eldians. He has every right to keep it safe unless he chooses to share." She turned to Levi. "I only wish something pertaining to keeping peace between all the people here could be recovered."
"And a proper translation for the 'Eldian people', regardless of branch," her husband chimed in as he closed the cabinet. "Or maybe a new one where we aren't called pigs or demons. We need to teach some of these refugees that we are people." Ramon joined them in the living room. "Or we can just go off and believe that some parts of people make them less of people than other people."
"Or more than other people, Dad. Kind of like how some Eldians once believed Ymir was a goddess that made us better than everybody. Not all."
"Exactly, boy." He patted his son on the head, to which Falco cringed.
"Hey, don't mess up my strings. Please." He started another loop on the yarn.
"Alright. Try to finish your next one before we leave." Ramon looked back at Levi and sat on the sofa. "I do wish that more documents survived the earthshaking about Eldian history too. The texts nobody bothered to interpret or forgot about for fear's sake. I managed to see a few of those growing up along with my older brother. It was hard not to when our father helped officials to review and censor materials that could incite rebellion. He trained us up in hopes that we would take after him."
"My father did too, and one evening at the library, I was along with him studying for a history exam. I loved reading, but I always hated that topic, and that night, you happened to be there with your father and brother." Cecilia's eyes twinkled with happiness and a tear at the memory. "They let us peek at one of the pictographs of… was it the Three 'Maidens' they called it?"
"For poliety's sake, yes."
"Dad," Falco rolled his eyes. "I'm not a little kid. They were called harlots. Marley made them sound like lowlife prostitutes. Ymir's first three daughters to 'spread seeds in the winds'."
Ramon sighed. "Alright, yes. Regardless, the officer present was insistent that he be the one to take the documents into his hand instead of his partner. I forgot his name, but he always bothered me. His stare creeped me out. As if he could see something we couldn't past the corner."
Shit, was he talking about who Levi thought he was talking about? At that moment, a bird landed on the windowsill from the outside, which Falco didn't see, but Cecilia immediately spooked it off and drew the curtains. No telling what birds could be doing these days, spying for a dead devil or seeking shelter.
"That was Eren Kruger, wasn't it?"
"Ah, of course. How could I forget? Rather coincidental this is for us all. But yes. He was frequently at the library about as much as Cecilia and I got to be. My father let me off the hook from apprenticeship for the sake of helping a sweet young lady, sometimes late into the night as late as my brother would work."
"Who knew reading books could get you to fall in love with somebody?" Falco's rhetoric was lost on his parents.
"And maybe that's what kept me from being chosen by Kruger and his proxies to join the Restorationists. He never got to see any more documents at work about Eldians, but he liked more mythical stories, which is why his head was prone to being stuck on pavement that covered a golden path." Ramon sighed. "He only wanted to give us a future when we found out we were with expecting Colt-"
Falco cleared his throat, not wanting to delve into this sensitive topic..
"Dear, I can see some night patrols taking posts. We best leave." Cecilia peered through a crack in the curtains. "Come on, Falco. You must be tired."
"Mmph," was all the boy mustered out. He gently placed his bump-ladened piece of string in his bag, which his mother carried for him.
Levi stood up painstakingly slow with the aid of his crutch and hobbled to the door. The Grice family put their coats on and said their goodbyes.
"Mom, Dad, can we check on the Braun's tomorrow? Gabi isn't back in school yet. I really miss her."
"Let's not disturb them just yet, boy," said Ramon. "Gabi needs some time with her family. And some time to control her temper."
"I want to see Reiner too."
"You will soon. We just don't want you to act out at him."
"I won't." Falco rolled his eyes. "I get him even if I'm mad at him. We're children of Ymir, after all."
Ramon and Cecilia looked at each other. Levi winced, and not out of pain.
"Uh, well, we both got Titans that once belonged to Ymir, so uh… we understand that part about ourselves. Okay, bye, Mr. Levi. Maybe we'll see you again before your surgery" Falco slid out the door.
"Well, we haven't heard that phrase in a long time. Did he come up with that himself? Or did Miss Gabi put that in him?" Cecilia asked.
"With her parents around? They're sure to have imagined it. Remember the ceremony for when Falco's class received the yellow armbands? They had the whole Epic of Lagos recited by heart! Even when we went to their home afterwards to celebrate, Karina never took off that red armband. It was practically sewn onto her. They always lived as if they were the ones who had a traitorous sibling detained by the state."
Levi nodded. "And they almost did. The winds were just right one night."
Ramon took a moment to understand the propaganda driven innuendo."Oh right. Well, if you ask me, that much obsession over a bloodline being pure was sickening. Marley may as well have imprisoned the blind for being born without sight. And to think that the government received so many pleas to fund research into finding a treatment for the Titan potential in us." He sighed. "But that never came to fruition."
Cecilia nudged him. "Alright, we best go before Falco decides to drive off without us. We couldn't be on the battlefield with him or Colt, but this time we can."
Hiding their sadness, they waved and departed from the apartment with an impatient Falco who had likely heard most of what they said. Maybe this evening hadn't gone without some chatter entailing the daily and uncommon practices of life in Liberio, but in this case, Levi couldn't get annoyed at the Grice's. It wasn't any damn classified information that the Braun's lusted after Marley for approval. It wasn't shameful to sink to the levels of a whore because of a belief that some fucker really loved you and wanted the best for you. Happened to the best of anyone. All you needed was a desire to please and not be abandoned in the dark and cold or a dark box.
He remembered his first night alone as a brat with nothing but the clothes on his back and a bloodied knife. He had hoped that Kenny just had to run off and settle a score and that he'd return as soon as a corpse was left with bashed brains as a warning to anyone who tried to fuck with the Ripper. But as time went on, it was time to stop huddling in a corner in anticipation for a return. Tch, as if that worked with his mother.
As far as he remembered in his foggy early memories, she never exhibited any sudden strength or strong loyalty to any person- too many came and went after they used her. She always cared for him above all. Maybe she would have survived if she had that power.
Levi shuffled back to his chair to think. Mikasa rarely spoke about her parents, but her father never had any surge of power that she spoke about. Why had she never had a moment like this? Had Ymir willed it that she didn't? Or had… Eren? Why some but not all? Had they all been less desirable pawns than other Ackermans?
He didn't want to ruin his and Karina's work with this onslaught of new questions that perhaps one book didn't contain all the answers to. It was a question he'd just have to let go. Ymir's children had all been used in the grand scheme of things, each by their own choices. Levi refused to believe otherwise.
If the Church here held weight, only the Creator would reveal such things when the good and evil spirits contested no more. But It was too far away to get a clear answer.
For the time being, he had to settle with being a son of Ymir Fritz, a special branch of her that sought to break her chains the bloody King locked her into. That was why he did what he did in Shiganshina that day seven years ago. To give way to the real moment of freedom for her and her children. To give meaning to all who had died without knowing the truth, whether they were her children or not.
And for those who were alive, they sought out meaning in her existence as they continued to have stones, rubbish, and words pelted at them without any means to stop it.
Levi took a sip of his last remaining tea in the cup. Evening was settling in. Another day lived. No war yet arrived on the mainland. No guns were raised at his former squad. People were readying for the night. Eseresoans were praying to their Creator. Eldians were plotting their next moves- ones on the island who wanted conquest and ones on the mainland who feared to be lumped in that shit pile. Either way, they were looking for a future in murkiness.
One of Ymir's children was alone in a room that wasn't quite dark but would turn once the sun was set. For the first time, he wondered if the apartment was really as small and empty as it looked. It looked even worse than usual, more vast. He could only wonder if a woman who loved her progenitor had her on her mind. And himself.
Tch. How selfish of him.
He hoped that nobody had forgotten about him.
…
Heavy pounding on the door woke him up the next morning. Levi grunted. He contemplated not getting up and jumping into slow paced action. But there were too many possibilities he had to prepare for. He hoped that it was someone trusted and not a neighbor being an asshole or more pipes leaking, or any concerning news regarding Paradis.
Well, whoever it was, they'd have to be patient. He wasn't about to present himself in a nightshirt. He hadn't fallen that far. He sat up to take a moment for his body to uncramp. The finger stubs on his bad hand tingled. He wished the sensation would stop. He didn't want any fuss being raised over this too.
Whoever was standing at the door grew concerned at the lack of response and pounded again.
"Levi?" the voice half shouted.
"I'm awake, Onyankopon."
He was damn decent enough to open the door after all. He lumbered his way through the narrow hallway and unlocked the door.
"Good morning. I apologize for my absence. It's been completely hot within the administration. Are you doing alright?"
"Enough to sit up. Which I'd like to do if you get inside."
The clock struck and chimed 10. What a lazy ass he was.
"The Grice's came to take care of me anyways the other night. Not as if I was starving in a cold dark room without you or…" He paused. "The Grice brat seems to be doing a bit better. You don't look so charming today though."
Onyankopon opened the curtains to let the sun inside. He looked like he had lost sleep. "Some member of parliament had a slippery mouth and told a nosy reporter about a classified security plan for the Church's Council for the Election of Eldian Bishops. He's being censured by the state and considered for excommunication by the Church. And now the plan has to be modified, which will take up precious time. " He sat down on the sofa and rubbed his temples. "And yesterday, Mr. Finger had to be admitted to the hospital. Heard it was pneumonia and that he tried to drink it off."
"Alcohol poisoning?"
"Unfortunately. And he's absolutely paranoid. Some members of the Eldian Rights Committee have stepped in on my behalf to ensure he's given proper treatment. And now it's a nightmare to decide on communicating this to Ms. Finger or not." Onyankopon rubbed his temples. "If the Creator could hurry back from Its far away repose, I would rejoice."
"And if It could return Ymir Fritz to us, I'm sure she'd be willing to sort some things out for us Eldians. But all we can do is mope until we get what we want or not. Tea?"
"Yes. I hope her soul and her children's are embraced despite being so far from us. Even she was merely a human being."
Levi pulled himself up, hoping he wouldn't creak like a rusty old wheel. He started to boil some water in the kettle over a hot flame. It was preferable to beginning a religious discussion this early after waking up about idolatry. Onyankopon was open to other people's beliefs, but he stood firm on his faith and the worship of people.
"About Mr. Finger. Her old man needs to know if his daughter is alive, and she needs to know what's happening to him. It didn't do any good to have Reiner show up with no warning a few days back."
Onyankopon sighed. "I'm sorry, but that was not in my hands to decide. I wasn't informed any more than the Braun's."
As the kettle steamed, Levi contemplated which variety of tea to treat him to: the special kind Karina gave him, or the shit tasting kind Onyankopon gave him. Tch, giving him the latter would be an outright insult in return for all the man had done for them. This was one sacrifice he was willing to make.
"And speaking of the Braun's…."
"How is Reiner?"
"Ah, well, I was just over there this morning to check in which is why I'm here now. He's mostly kept to himself and hasn't spoken too much to anybody but Miss Gabi. Karina's insisting we give him more time. We can't exactly drag him out to get treated. Although now Gabi's parents want her to see a psychiatrist too. Another thing to do." He groaned. "Poor children."
"And how is Karina doing?"
"I wanted to talk to you about that."
The kettle screeched. There were too many reasons to be discussing this topic, and there were at least two that Levi hoped were not the reason for conversation. Onyankopon came into the kitchen and got out the tea cups for him. "Here, go sit."
Levi obeyed like a good soldier. Once they settled, Levi didn't even touch his tea. "What happened?"
Onyankopon snorted softly and smiled. "My, you look like a sheep in a hole. I am not passing judgment on anything you two are doing.."
Damn it. Levi had never told him the specifics of what happened on the sofa, but he sure held his suspicions as firmly as his beliefs.
"Okay, what?"
Onyankopon sipped his tea, quickly retracting from it for its heat. "Well, Reiner had completely forgotten about this document he brought back- and I do not blame him for all he's been dealing with. He gave this to her for safekeeping" He fumbled in his briefcase and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "It happens to be a letter from Ms. Mikasa herself."
…
Onyankopon opened the window a small crack for some fresh air. The weather had changed to spring warmth instead of constant dreary rain. People bustled below from all walks of life. That didn't distract Levi from carefully unfolding the letter that Karina had kept safely tucked away.
"Any idea what it says?"
"No. Karina wanted you to read it first. Your side of the family."
The words were neatly printed, thankfully. Levi silently read it to himself.
Captain Levi,
I want you to know that I am grateful that you are still alive and doing well. It is a miracle that anybody survived the catastrophe, but knowing you, you are the reason any of us had the resolve to keep on fighting. I cannot forgive myself enough for abandoning everybody on that day, but even worse, leaving my own family behind. We never spoke enough about it, which is why I am writing this now in a plea for you to respond.
As I walked through the wastelands, I cried so much. I cried for Eren and what he had done and become. There were so many bits of crushed remains of cities and people, I didn't know if I could handle much more when I was nearly starving and hallucinating. And when the Azumabito's search efforts found me, I lost it. My strength was gone. I couldn't think straight. I was feverish for weeks. I felt I had nothing left. I didn't know if Armin and Jean and Connie were alive or anything about you. I only felt pure resentment and anger. Why did it have to be me to do it? Why did Ymir choose me? It was only when I finally came to my senses again that Kiyomi spoke to me and told me about the report Marley had sent regarding your statuses.
I still despise her for trying to use our homeland for her own gain, but she's come to her senses over what she did. We get along sparingly on a few issues, but she is the one who has made me remember that I carry on my mother's heritage on me and in me. About 90% of Hizuru has been wiped out or is uninhabitable. Recovery efforts could take over one-hundred years there. It may as well be an extinct nation- what nation is truly living?
I realized that if I gave up, it would all be gone. Just wiped away and trampled underfoot.
When we arrived back at the island, I had to be hidden away as the Azumabito begged Historia for immunity. I didn't even know that the Jaegerists had wanted her in control anymore. But the people would have had an insurrection had anybody laid hands on her. In fact, she had gained full reign over the military and all its factions. It was then she requested my audience in private.
And she wept bitterly in my arms. She told me what had happened between her and Eren. I wept with her. We had to assure each other that we were not slaves nor the ones solely responsible for what he had done. But we knew we had to do something. That day, we made a promise to each other that we would prove to ourselves we were not what he deemed us.
Historia is not going to let her daughter grow up in a world where these Jaegerists are going to decimate the outside world, no matter how proud they are of being a descendent of Ymir Fritz- not that too many people here really care about who she really was and not that they understand what she suffered either. I can only hope that when Armin and the others share their story, they can make the populace understand. I am not going to let our friends and innocent bystanders suffer. Our wishes may come across as selfish, but we cannot say we're going to lose if we at least try to fight.
Historia helped arrange Eren's burial. After that, I began to push myself to my limits. I thought I could get back to where I was before. I soon came to discover for myself that even after recovering, I was slower to react to situations. It turns out that our powers may have vanished along with the Titans. Frustration was never an obstacle for me to overcome before, so it was a tough several months of training. But I stand today, proud to devote my heart to those I love and care about.
This is why I continue to fight. I want to win this battle. I want to see you again. We have so many things to tell each other.
Mikasa Ackerman
Levi gingerly set the letter down on the table in front of him. He didn't say a word. Damn it. Mikasa, that girl once so reckless to throw herself head first into a situation sure hadn't changed. Her pride hadn't been damaged beyond repair either. Neither had her sense of humanity despite the very meaning of it changing before their eyes. They really were related.
It was only fair if he did reply. She was right in that they had many, many things to tell each other.
"Are you alright?" Onyankopon's voice shook him back to reality. "You don't have to share what she wrote if you don't want to."
Levi finally took a sip of his tea which started going cold. He needed to hurry up and finish it for another reason. "I need to get back to the Braun's."