Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. ©2023

I'm sending a shout out to my awesome team, Mel Cee and SassyNoles. These two wonderful ladies are a tremendous help, and this story wouldn't be what it is without them!

Chapter 17 Part 1: Perfectly Hated

Edward

I sat on my leather camel-colored couch, with my legs stretched out and rested on a taped-up box. My worn-out eyes scanned the naked walls in the living room. It didn't even look like my apartment, my home, anymore.

It wasn't Park Tower on Michigan Avenue, but it was mine. The placed I had come to for the past few years, where I felt free and was able to shut the world out.

It wasn't big but it wasn't small either. It was a one bedroom with hardwood floors, granite countertops and stainless-steel appliances, and I kept it clean. There was a place for everything and everything in its place. My family always teased me about how clean and meticulous I was.

Only a handful of people knew where I lived. Jimmy thought it was a little strange that I'd been so private about my address, but hell, I didn't think just anyone should be allowed in your personal space.

Some of the girls I'd hooked up with hinted about coming back to my spot from time to time, but I'd always suggested going to their house or offered to pay for a hotel instead.

Bella was the only female, outside of my family, that had been to my place. If I had my way, we would have been roommates a while ago. There wasn't anything I wouldn't give to go to sleep and wake up with her in my arms.

I hadn't mentioned it to anyone, not even Bella. I had been working up to asking her if she could finish school in Chicago, so we could move in together. I had grown tired of the downstate road trips. I wanted to see her every day.

I knew before I could even approach her about that, I had to stop all of my bullshit. I did good for a little while. I was proud of myself, but then it felt like someone came and snatched the rug from under me. It seemed like I hadn't caught a break the whole damn summer. It was as if I was destined to fuck up, and somehow it seemed like it stayed on repeat.

I was dog-tired. I'd been up since one-fifty-three in the damn morning because of the same dream I'd had for the past few weeks. I couldn't figure out what the hell it meant.

In this recurring nightmare, it was a cloudless day. It would've made the perfect backdrop for a selfie. But the mysterious thing was I was falling… and I kept falling but not because someone had pushed me or because I tripped over something. This dream literally started with me in the air without any type of parachute or harness. And when I tried to holler for help, if anyone could've heard me, nothing came out of my mouth, as if someone had stolen my voice.

As usual, I woke up screaming, grasping onto my comforter for dear life, in a cold sweat every time. And some nights when I lay there until I'd finally fall back to sleep, it would start all over again.

Even when I got high, the treacherous terror still invaded my slumber.

One night in full-blown irritation, I snatched my laptop off of my nightstand, desperate for some type of understanding. I wished I'd continued to remain ignorant, after what I'd read.

One site said my dream indicated something about fear, terror, and anxiety, that came out of losing a grip over significant things. I wasn't satisfied with that shit, so I clicked on another site, and it stated that I may have been holding onto a situation in life that was not serving my best interest.

The third psychology page commented on reflected feelings of helplessness or rejection and loss of control over an important situation.

I threw my laptop on the other side of the bed and tried to figure out what one I was frustrated with the most- the psychobabble or with myself for even looking the bullshit up.

The sun had finally made its appearance, so I knew it had to be close to seven o'clock. There was no way I'd get through my day without my liquid energy, so I got up and made myself a pot of coffee. I waited for what seemed like forever and finally filled my mug and welcomed the dark warmth. I closed my eyes, allowing it to be a momentary distraction since it seemed like my mind hadn't shut off in weeks.

After enjoying my brief restitution, my eyes landed on a sore spot that I'd been avoiding for months. I immediately cursed myself for looking in that direction. It taunted me from the dark corner on the other side of the room. I was too much of a coward to touch it or anything in it. Although everything in it belonged to me. It smelled just like Bella-a fresh, light scent with a hint of peonies. And since it was the last thing of mine, she touched, I revered it like my own personal shrine.

I wasn't sure which mocked me worse: Tanya or the box from Bella. The constant reminder that we weren't together.

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When I stopped to fill up my tank at the gas station, I grabbed an energy drink since I had begun to crash from my coffee high.

About seventeen minutes later, I pulled up to my job. As I looked through the window, I could see it was a full house. Every tat artist was at their stations with customers, and some were seated in the waiting area.

My day wasn't as busy as theirs because I'd been swamped earlier in the week. I had only one new client, Silas, which I tried to bump up to the day before, but he couldn't get off work any sooner.

I had seemed to work on autopilot because before I knew it, three hours had passed, and he was headed out the door.

I flopped down into my recliner, as I felt fatigue begin to set in.

Just as I'd closed my eyes, deciding to take a short nap before I drove home, I heard a light knock on my door.

I pushed myself out of the chair, wondering who the hell it was. I knew it wasn't an appointment and I didn't do walk-ins. I cautiously opened the door, stood behind it, and only peeked my head out, just enough to see.

"Edward, sweetheart." Mom smiled. She dressed comfortably in jeans, gym shoes, and a Beatles t-shirt.

"Mom." I pulled the door completely open. "What are you doing here?"

Since my dad had informed me of my new living arrangement things had been pretty quiet with them.

"I wanted to spend some time with you… and…talk." Her smiled faltered a bit.

I briefly paused, searching her eyes. "Okay." I dragged the word out, as I moved aside so she could walk in.

She scanned the room quickly. "It's always so nice in here."

It was my second home; of course I would keep everything in order. Jimmy and I were the only two in the studio that had our own private rooms. I paid more than the other guys did for their booths, but I also brought in just as much clientele as Jimmy did.

"Thanks." I gestured for her to sit down.

"No." She shook her head. "I brought us a light lunch. If it's okay with you, I wanted us to go back to your place, if you weren't busy."

She meant, a talk, talk.

"Oh." I furrowed my eyebrows. "All right then. Let me get my bag and we can go."

"Perfect." She winked. "I'll meet you at your place," she said as she walked out and down the hallway.

I was dead on my feet and had every intention on crawling into my bed for the rest of the day as soon as I got home. But this was my mom, and I wouldn't turn her away again. I just hoped it would be a quick conversation.

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"I know things have been kind of strained since the decision was made for you to come back home—"

I chuckled, cutting her off. "You and Dad made that decision."

She huffed. "I knew you weren't going to like it when we made the decision but what else did you expect us to do, Edward? Wait for something even more harmful to happen to you?"

I was a fucking adult, and they were still treating me like a child.

"It wasn't that big of a deal, Mom." I scrape my hands through my hair.

"Not a big deal?" She arched an eyebrow. "You were diagnosed with an STD because you were being irresponsible. Then to make it worse, your business was put on social media. Which speaks to the type of company you've kept."

"Mo—" I stopped short and exhaled, trying to rein in my frustration. "Is this what you wanted to talk about?"

"No." she shook her head.

"Great," I smiled half-heartly. "I'm really tired and would like to go to bed. So, can we please get to what you wanted to talk about."

"Sure." Mom pushed her platted cheeseburger and fries away.

I watched her from the other side of the table, as she seemed to be weighing her words.

"I ran into Bella," she exclaimed.

Damnit to fuck! I rushed her to get to the point and now look.

"And her boyfriend, Grayson." She looked at me pointedly.

My shoulders went rigid.

Had the asshole paraded her all around Chicago? First it was Jimmy that saw them, now it was my mother.

"When was this and where did you see them?" I exhaled.

"You're worried about the wrong thing, Edward." She folded her arms across her chest. "I want to know why you have lied to us all summer."

I pressed my fingers against my forehead. "I had it all handled until that Grayson mother—" I cleared my throat. "Until Grayson messed it all up."

"Listen, you're an adult and the relationship between you and Bella is your business. But the part that concerns me the most is why you kept it from your family. I understand things happen. Sometimes relationships don't work out. That's the purpose of dating but for you to hide it…" She tsked. "That is what has troubled me the most."

I stared down at my plate, not wanting to meet her gaze. "I wouldn't necessarily say I hid anything. We had a few problems and I had given her the space she asked for. But she decided she didn't want to be with me anymore." I shrugged my shoulders.

"What kind of problems, Edward? And she said this happened at the beginning of the summer. Why didn't you tell us when I invited her over for dinner that night?"

"We had a misunderstanding shortly after she got home from school and that's when—"

Mom raised her palm in the air and shook her head. "Stop trying to talk around my question and answer it. What. Happened." Her tone was sharp.

She'd never liked that beating around the bush bullshit. When she asked you a question, she expected you to answer it.

"I cheated," I admitted.

Her eyes bulged briefly, followed by rapid blinking. After what seemed like forever of her peering at me, she finally spoke. "I don't blame her. I would've done the same thing. Who did you learn that from? It certainly wasn't from your father or either one of your brothers. I feel real stupid. Here I was ready to defend you in that restaurant." She waved her hand dismissively. "I thought I'd caught her cheating on you. No wonder she was so aloof with me."

That didn't sound like the Bella I knew.

"What do you mean, Mom? Will you please tell me what exactly happened?"

"It's not much to tell." She rolled her eyes. "I asked her what was going on as politely as I could, but she shut me down, quickly. She said you all had been broken up and if I wanted to know anything else, I needed to talk to you."

I wasn't surprised Bella didn't tell her what happened. She had too much integrity to do that. As much as she loved my mother, I was a little shocked to hear she was distant toward her.

This was partly my fault. I let this get way out of hand. Since Grayson had come into the picture, Bella had changed and I didn't like it. The moment I found out he and I attended the same school, I should've started checking him out then.

I had found out the females that usually worked in the registrar's office didn't work in there anymore. There were a couple of dudes that worked in there now, but they refused to help me. So, that put my fish hunt on hold for a while.

"I know you're upset…" Mom began. "But you brought this on yourself. You made a choice and she made hers. Bella does not have to forgive you. That's her decision, Edward. You need to respect it and count it as a love lost." She smirked. "That's if you loved her."

That was exactly who Alice got her sassy ass mouth from. Mom was just more refined with hers. But I wasn't a fool. I was not going to respond to her the way I would my sister.

"You're right, Mom." I sighed, wanting to hurry up and end the conversation.

"I know I am. But you still haven't explained to me why you hid it." She leaned in and placed her hand under her chin. "I'm curious. I want to know when did the communication break down between us? Has something happened that your father and I are unaware of that you didn't feel comfortable coming to either of us?"

Was she serious?

What was I supposed to do? Invite her over so we could curl each other's hair an polish our toenails and then just say: "Mom, I cheated on Bella. I didn't mean to, but it kept happening."

"There is no communication breakdown, Mom." I rolled my eyes. "Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?"

"No. I don't. You're missing the point. If you lied about something that small, what else have you lied about? How can your father and I trust you, son?"

I pinched my lips together and allowed myself a moment to temper my response. "So, you're saying you and Dad don't trust me because I didn't tell you all about what happened between Bella and me?"

"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't care what happened between you and Bella. You're the one that keeps bringing that up. I said what I said about that. What I want to know is when did it become a commonplace for you to lie to your father and me?"

I couldn't answer her. If she knew all the times, I'd told half-truths or flat out lied, it'd be a totally different discussion.

I stared into her green eyes, as she stared back into mine, waiting for an answer from me. Honestly, I didn't have the energy to come up with a response, much less a lie.

Being sleep-deprived for weeks had taken its toll on me. I just wanted to sleep for the next twenty-four hours. But Esme Cullen sat in front of me determined to get to the bottom of my lying ways.

"I don't know, Mom." I sighed dejectedly.

That pissed her off.

She squinted her eyes. "You know, come to think of it, our communication has changed a lot. We were always busy with work and you with school and your extracurricular activities. However, we still made time to talk to each other." She paused and studied me briefly. "And now this Facebook thing. You had sex with all these different girls, and caught an STD. What is this, Edward?" She raised her palms in the air. "We didn't raise you to be like this. It's as if we don't know you anymore." She pointed her index finger at me. "It's been one thing after another with you. Your father and I have given you chance after chance. But no more, Edward. You have to prove to us that you're mature enough to be in your own place."

I had changed. I wasn't that naïve little Edward anymore. But wasn't I supposed to grow up? I was an adult in college. Did my parents expect me to stay that way for-fucking- ever? I guess I wasn't supposed to figure out my own way, even if it was different from theirs.

Did my siblings talk to my parents about every damn thing that happened in their lives or was I just the focal point now? Were they questioning everything I did because of the shit Piper and Bria did?

I chuckled inwardly, knowing I'd hear from Piper either sometime today or in the near future. Unlike my investigation into Grayson, my plan for Piper had not been delayed.

"Edward?" Mom pulled me out of my thoughts. "What are you smiling about?"

"Oh, sorry." I lightly laughed. "I was thinking about the many water fights we used to have," I lied.

"Oh." Her smile was faint.

I knew Mom wasn't going to be very happy with me, but my body had started to shut down. I would've probably started talking gibberish if I hadn't ended Mom's afternoon chat.

"I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm in serious need of sleep." I looked down at my watch. "I've been up since one something in the morning, packing. Can we finish talking about this another time?"

She drew a breath in and released it before she spoke. "Okay. That's fine." Her tone was curt. She slid her chair back and picked up our plates of unfinished food, before she walked into the kitchen.

I sipped on my water as I listened to her dump the food in the garbage disposal and slam the plates down in the dishwasher.

I knew my mother well. She more than likely felt like I wasn't taking her concerns seriously and I'd evaded her questions. Which I did. And that was why I knew I had to give her some time to cool off.

Moments later, she picked her purse up off the couch, kissed me on the cheek, and walked out the door without saying another word.

Just like I knew her, she knew me. She understood I had successfully won the battle, but my body shivered because I realized she always won the war.

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"What the hell?" I was jerked out of a deep sleep by my phone. I was too out of it to recognize the ringtone. I hadn't looked at the caller ID before answering it either.

"What?" I barked into the phone.

"You dirty, low-down motherfucker," Piper bellowed into the phone.

Sleep be damned. A slow, wide grin spread across my face. "I see you finally found out, huh?"

"Yeah, I found out. But more than just me saw it, you dumb ass." Her breathing was noisy. "How could you do this to me?"

That was a dumb question.

"Piper, you and Bria started this. Did you forget you put my shit on blast, on social media?"

"That was all Bria's idea. I just went along with it."

Divide and conquer, bitch. I wasn't surprised Piper threw Bria under the bus. She had always been about benefiting herself, only.

"But you went along with it. That was your choice. So, now you have to pay the piper, Piper." I smirked at my own bad joke.

She actually growled into the phone. "I hate you, Edward Cullen! I hate you so fucking much! I wish I—"

I never heard the rest of what she was going to say because I'd ended the call. I felt damn pleased with myself. I snuggled up with my pillow, with a smile on my face, as sleep quickly took me under.

A/N: Thank you to all of the readers, reviewers, favorites and followers. I appreciate your encouraging words and support.

You got a chance to get into Edward's head a little more… what are your thoughts? How about Esme?

Part two is being worked on now and will be out soon!

Rec: The Way I wanted, by iambeagle. I love this one!