AN: Hi! Anyone remember me? This idea has been kicking around my brain since I wrote Anything Can Happen a few years ago. In honor of Elle's birthday, which is today, I thought I'd post the first chapter and see what people thought. You probably should read Anything Can Happen before you read this. This is obviously an AU and diverts from the ACH plot during chapter 24. Everything else leading up to this point is the same. Also, I've always pictured Elle as Gugu Mbatha-Raw in like 2013, specifically in the film Beyond the Lights. I have the first three chapters written and a decent outline done. I also want to write that Jett/Elle prequel I alluded to a few times while publishing the main fic. Maybe I'll post both and see which one does better. Well, without further ado, welcome back to Elle's world.

Happy Birthday, Elle!

"In case you've been living under a rock for the last week, the story dominating both pop culture and mainstream headlines comes from The Count Me In Tour. In a shocking turn of events, it's been revealed that party girl Elle Harper and Big Time Rush frontman Kendall Knight were having an affair. The way this came to light was more shocking than the affair. Kendall posted private pictures of Elle Harper on his Twitter calling the relationship a joke and in a video from backstage he was seen shoving her and telling her to end her life. Elle then fled the record-breaking tour which was in New York City. The singer, who is known for her wild ways and sex tape with ex-boyfriend Jett Stetson, was rushed to the hospital for an unknown reason but is now holed up in her LA penthouse. Both singers, who collaborated on the chart-topping duet Night Like This, have released statements asking for privacy. And while Elle has gone underground after posting pictures of her and Kendall, he has been vocal on social media. There's no word if Elle will return to the tour or if she and Kendall will reconcile their differences but I know we'll all be watching. With Backstage Access, I'm Madison Michele."

My body felt heavy as I pointed the remote at the TV, wiping the picture from the screen. Just like the report said, I had been hiding out in my apartment for the better part of a week since he had shared my nudes with the world. The media coverage had only increased and there were zero signs of it slowing down. From where I hid in my luxury tower, I couldn't hear the paparazzi but even at 22 stories high, I could see the crowd and camera flashes from the pack camped outside just in case I emerged. I peered down and could see the group had swelled. The distance to the ground made my stomach churn and I shut my eyes and pressed my forehead to the cool glass.

"Fuck."

I was lucky to be alive and I knew that. Not many people survived an overdose once let alone twice but I hated that I found myself so publicly exposed once again. After the Jett Incident, I had vowed to never let anything like this happen again. But here I was. I had fallen in love with someone who had made a bet with the man who assaulted me. And the whole world knew and had seen me naked in pictures that had been meant just for Kendall.

Kendall.

Just the thought of his name was enough to put a lump in my throat. We hadn't spoken since I left New York or when I texted him goodbye depending on the way you looked at it. Well, at least I hadn't reached out to him. He seemed to be tweeting at least once an hour, they were apologies, confessions of love, and him saying he couldn't live without me. Over text, he was much more outspoken. He kept saying he was sorry and that he missed me. Every hour or so he'd send long texts saying he wished he could take everything back. But of course, he couldn't. All of the texts and calls made me sick to my stomach. Both literally and figuratively.

"Shit, not again."

I managed to make it to the toilet just in time to empty my stomach. This had happened a few times since I had been home, I wondered how much damage I had done to myself to still be getting sick. Part of me wanted to curl up on this floor and die. I had no tears left to cry but I was still devastated. Of course, there were no pills or other 'dangerous' objects in my apartment. But maybe I'd dehydrate if I kept getting sick. I was leaning against the cold marble side of the tub when Liz's voice made me jump.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't have hidden alcohol if that's what you're asking."

My manager shook her head. "No, you've just been sick a lot."

I climbed to my feet and rolled my eyes. "That's what happens when you try to poison yourself."

"You need to eat and we need to figure out what our plan is."

I waved off the idea of food as I finished rinsing my mouth. "I'm not hungry."

Liz frowned at this and was apprehensive. She had been my manager and my friend/makeshift guardian for almost five years so I knew her expressions like the back of my hand. Her features were pinched and her words were sharp.

"You guys were safe right?"

Her comment confused me and for a minute I stared blankly. Then I realized what she was saying.

"Of course we were safe." I scoffed and folded my arms. "I mean I'm on the pill."

"What about condoms? I found your birth control left out all tour. You may have missed a few."

For the first time in days, I managed a laugh. "You're not suggesting that I was dumb enough to get pregnant are you?"

"I'm not suggesting anything that isn't possible." She was cautious. "Did you miss your period?"

My anger boiled over and I couldn't stop myself from snapping. "I don't fucking know. There's been a lot going on if you haven't noticed." I let out a breath and started over. "I'm sorry, Liz. I'm really sorry. I don't know, I hadn't been keeping the best track because up until recently there was no reason to."

She waved off my apology and I was grateful. "I just know that you've been sick a lot and even before you came back home."

We were both quiet because I knew she was right. I chewed on my thumbnail and thought about how we hadn't used a condom a handful of times. We hadn't in South Carolina, or on the counter of the bus in DC, or in Philly after I debuted my song Body Say. The thought made me sway and I held onto the sink.

"Fuck. I mean, I missed a few doses." I was growing anxious now. "B-But everyone misses a few. I get sick when I'm s-stressed you know that. I've been stressed with the album and everything."

Liz was clearheaded and put her hands on my shoulders. "You need to breathe. I'll pick up a test and you look for your pills. Maybe you didn't miss as many as you thought you did. Can I leave you alone?"

"Yes, just g-go." I ran a hand through my hair. "It can't be like last time, it absolutely cannot be like last time."

"It won't, we'll make sure it's not like last time. There won't be a story, it won't be as traumatic."

Once Liz was gone I let myself fully panic. The fact that we hadn't been completely safe had been the furthest thing from my mind. So many other things had been going on that it didn't occur to me once. But Liz had made a fair point, I had been sick a lot. And even though the doctor had said I could be ill for a few days due to the detox medication, I had been sick before my overdose. I was laser-focused as I tore through my suitcase and bags from the tour. I pictured finding my pills and finding them exactly how they should be with zero missed doses and no chance for error. At last, I unzipped my makeup bag and found the blue sleeve that contained the pack of pills.

"Please be right," I begged under my breath as I pulled the packet out. "I can't deal with this right now.

Five doses.

That's how many I had missed and how many times I had been stupid enough to put myself at risk. I threw the pack across the room, feeling anxiety creep up the back of my neck. I tried to take a deep breath. Kendall and I had been fairly responsible and used a condom most of the time. The odds of us not using one and me missing my daily dose the same day were probably slim. Right?

I paced back and forth and willed myself not to spiral. It was probably just a run-of-the-mill stomach bug, touring meant spending time in cramped spaces, and when one person got sick it would spread. And it's not like an overdose and detox medication helped matters. I was not pregnant, I wouldn't let myself be in this situation again

It would be just my luck to be fucked as a bet, have my nudes leaked, and get pregnant. The past few days had been an awful sequel to the Jett Incident and this was no exception. From the betrayal, the leaked pictures and video, the suicide attempt, and now this. He had gotten me pregnant the night that stupid video was filmed but nature had taken its course before I could do anything. The odds of being in a similar situation were astronomical and just downright unfair. I was probably worked up over nothing.

But when Liz returned a while later, my brave face and rationalization disappeared. I could try to come up with as many logical explanations as I wanted but this would be impossible to deny.

"Did anyone see you?" I thought of the crowd of press waiting outside.

"I took the service entrance and went a few blocks away. Besides, no one cares about the manager, just the star." She tried to crack a joke but it fell flat. "I'll be outside. No matter what, it's going to be okay."

I shut myself in the bathroom and took one test, then the other, and another, lining them up on the edge of the sink. It felt like my brain was working at half speed trying to process everything that had happened in the last week. Since the moment Kendall walked through the door of the venue with Jo, who he had sworn he had broken up with, nothing had made sense. Not the bet, not him sharing my pictures, not him telling me he was in love with me, and not me sitting in my bathroom thousands of miles from tour waiting to see if I was pregnant. I should be on tour making my comeback and dating Kendall. Not on the brink of a panic attack and dealing with the aftermath of everything he did.

The trilling of my phone's alarm made me jump and I scrambled to turn it off. Three minutes had passed and I wasn't sure if I could will myself to turn around and look at them. But the sooner I did, the sooner I could put this behind me. It would be fine, it had to be. I inhaled and turned letting my eyes fall to the sink.

Positive

Positive

Positive

All three displayed the same word on their tiny screens and I choked on the breath I had sucked in. I blinked a few times and my heart fell into my stomach with a low swoop. I picked up the first test and shook it as if that would change the result. I did this for the next two but they stayed the same. They confirmed my worst fear three times over.

Kendall had gotten me pregnant.

I was pregnant.

Time stood still and I was frozen in place staring at the test I still held. I wasn't sure how long I stood there but the sound of the door opening made my eyes flash up to the mirror. Behind me, Liz poked her head through the door and I caught a glimpse of my reflection. My brown skin was ashen and my eyes were glassy.

"Elle? What do they say?"

The tone of her voice made it clear she already knew the answer. A loud sob bubbled from my chest as I held the stick out to her, she didn't take it but pulled me in tight.

"All of them?"

I managed a nod and felt the panic taking over and the heat rushing to my face. "I'm pregnant. Fuck Liz, this can't h-happening. Not like this and not again."

"I know, I know. Everything is going to be okay, I'm so sorry." She rubbed circles into my back and spoke in a soft voice. "Just breathe, it's not going to be like last time and it's all going to be okay. We'll figure this out."

Her words were kind but did nothing to stop the nausea from rising in my throat. I pushed her away and turned to empty my stomach just in time. I felt her gather my hair from my face as I held onto the bowl. She handed me water as I sat back, still crying as I rinsed my mouth. I cried into my hands and it felt like I would never stop. Liz, much to her credit, got down next to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. Each time I thought I was done, I thought about Kendall and the missed birth control pills, and the tests and started crying all over again. But eventually, another wave of nausea forced me to take a deep breath and put my head between my knees.

"Elle. Do you want to go sit down?"

I was on autopilot as I pushed myself to my feet and made my way to the couch. I could hear Liz puttering around the kitchen and a few minutes later she came with a steaming mug of tea. I took a sip, letting the warmth soothe my raw throat.

"We'll have to confirm with your doctor." She started in a gentle but firm voice. She was thinking like my manager now. "And then we can go from there and figure out your next steps."

The idea of leaving my apartment and facing the crowd filled me with dread. "I can't leave, I can't go out there."

"We'll get Dr. Campbell to come here and take a blood sample and then to the lab. We need to know how far you are so we can make decisions."

It was immature but I rolled my eyes. "I don't want to decide anything, Liz. I don't want to decide if I'm going back on tour, releasing an album or having Kendick's baby. None of this should be happening. I should be making my comeback."

Her smile was sympathetic. "I know. And it really fucking sucks and isn't fair but you can't do nothing."

She was right of course, she always was. But right now as I sipped my tea with honey and a splash of cold water, all I could think about were all the times Kendall had made this for me after I taught him. He had thought it was weird at first but didn't question me and would bring me cups between recording songs and after shows. And now I was across the country with a piece of him still with me. I shook my head and put the mug on the table.

"It's too much. I can't do this." I stood up and held out my hand. "I know Dr. Campbell said no but can I have a sleeping pill?"

"Elle, I don't think-"

"I'm not going to kill myself with one pill, Liz. I just want to go to sleep and not think about this until at least tomorrow afternoon." I wiggled the fingers of my outstretched hand. "Please, I'm begging. I just want to go to sleep and try not to think about the bet or my fucking pictures being online or the fact that there's a small piece of Kendall stowing away inside of me."

She let out a long sigh, got up, and went over to the closet where I kept the small safe she and the record label insisted on installing. She must have changed the password from the release date of my first album to something else because I had tried to open it earlier and couldn't get it to work. She came back with a single pill and dropped it in my palm.

"Thank you." I took it with a mouthful of tea and handed her the mug. "Now fingers crossed this is all a dream and the next time I see you is tomorrow morning on the tour bus."

I headed towards the hallway, fully ready to slip into sleep when Liz stopped me.

"Elle?"

When I turned, she was biting her lip, and her own brown eyes were wet with tears. She wasn't one to get emotional but she pulled me into a tight hug and didn't let go.

"Everything is going to be okay. I promise. I will do whatever you need me to do." She pulled back and sniffed. "I'll be right here if you need me."

Seeing her this emotional was jarring. She had been through a lot as my manager and my friend and I put on a smile. "Of course it will be. I have the best manager/babysitter in town."

I held this false confidence until I locked my door behind me. I wiped the tears that had started falling again. I didn't have the energy to go on a real crying spree right now but my throat was still tight. I stripped off the sweatshirt I wore and tugged a less claustrophobic tee shirt from my last tour's merch collection. The mirror next to my closet made me stop and I pulled the shirt up just a bit. My stomach was still smooth, if not flatter than normal from my lack of appetite.

I turned to the side rubbing my hand over it. I tried to picture it as anything other than this. A brief image of my round heavily pregnant belly and Kendall with his hands on it flashed into my mind as quickly as it left. I climbed under the heavy comforter and turned out the light.

The combination of the shock, panic attack, and sleeping pill made my eyes heavy already and I was grateful for it. My hand rested on my stomach, just below my belly button. Nothing had really physically changed in the last hour but a part of me swore that I could feel it now. A new tiny piece of me. A tiny piece of Kendall. A tiny piece of us, was just under my hand, taking up space and growing by the second.

I knew I would have to figure this out. All of it. The tour and if I was going back, the album I had been working on, my feelings for Kendall. And of course, the fact that I was pregnant and everything that came with it.

But for right now, all of that could wait until the morning.

I let my eyes fall shut, my hand still resting on my stomach.

AN: There you have it. My first attempt at an AU of my own work. Let me know what you think and please be kind lol