An Unlikely Adventure of Two Idiots

"Months on from the brutal slaughter of the entire village of Lesser Malling, forensics are still on the case, working on finding the remains of every habitant. While it's still unclear if police are any closer in finding who the murderer or murderers are that committed this heinous act, it seems that this story has taken the nation by storm…"

Ila Potter was lying down behind a bush, listening to the news through the open window her auntie and uncle left open in the living room. It was the middle of August and the weather seemed to get worse by the day. Ila felt like she was constantly wading through a river of hot water that never ended.

"I hope they find the men who did that," Ridhi auntie said to her husband in Hindi. "They deserve to rot in jail."

"Of course, the police haven't found them yet, the British police are shit at everything!"

"Aadit!" her auntie exclaimed and Ila heard the distinct sound of her slapping his arm. "They are doing their best."

"You can't use that bullshit when it comes to people dying."

"Oh…hang on, I think we have some breaking news…ok…alright…perhaps there is some hope in this situation after all! The police have found one survivor. A four-year-old girl was found in one of the houses and seems unharmed physically by the perpetrators."

"See?" Ridhi said in an 'I – told – you – so' voice.

"You know they wouldn't give two shits if this was a village back home. This happens all the time in India so why don't I see it on the news every day, huh?"

"Be quiet! You're lucky Ishani is upstairs and can't hear anything."

"Where's the other one then?" Aadit asked.

"She's probably in her room, she never leaves it anyway," Ridhi said. "Why?"

"That girl is always sad. We feed her, we give her clothes, we give a roof over her head and look at her. That ungrateful little-"

"I got a letter from her headmaster at her school."

"And you took it? Why? It's probably filled with bullshit-"

"Will you stop swearing!" Ridhi said hotly. "Something bad happened to her at school. That's probably why she's stuck in her room."

"Get over it then," her uncle replied angrily. "I don't get why I have to be so nice. She is just overreacting and she thinks she can get a reaction out of me. Well…I'm not going to give it to her."

"She reminds me of my sister when she came back from school one time," Ridhi muttered quietly.

Ila immediately sat up, not realising the window sill.

"OW!" Ila put one hand on her mouth and the other on her head and she pressed herself against the wall. Ridhi walked over to the window and checked out the street to see nothing there. Unfortunately for Ila, Ridhi looked down and found her niece sitting next to the window.

"What're you doing there?" Ridhi hissed. Ila considered staying still but that only worked with Professor Binns.

"I…I was cloud-watching," Ila said slowly as she faced her auntie. "Look, that one's a hand," Ila pointed to a random blob-shaped cloud and hoped that her auntie believed her. Ridhi narrowed her eyes.

"Get. Inside. Now!" she said through gritted teeth.

Ila's first reaction was going through the window –

"Through the door!" Ridhi said, pushing her foot out of the window.

Ila rolled her eyes before going to the door, pushing it open and headed into the living room where her auntie was standing in the middle of the TV, her arms akimbo. Her uncle was trying her best to wave his wife away as respectfully as possible while trying to see what the score of the match was.

"ISHANI!" Ridhi auntie screamed so hard, that Ila had to place her hands over her ears. Even Aadit tutted at his wife. Having enough, she took the remote and turned it off.

"Why did you do that? They were going to score - "

"CHUP!" she snapped.

Her cousin slowly stepped down the stairs, all the while looking at her magazine, the front cover having an array of colourful celebrity pictures. Most of them were of women, with the occasional attractive guy smouldering.

"What?" Ishani asked in Hindi, collapsing onto the couch next to her dad, her eyes never leaving the magazine.

"We have something to tell you," her auntie said, though it wasn't to her daughter. It was actually to Ila.

"To me? What is it?" Ila asked, seeing her auntie wave her uncle over or maybe motioning him to continue the conversation or maybe she was finally announcing their divorce. Her uncle groaned before tearing his eyes away from the blank screen.

"We're moving to Australia," he said bluntly.

Instant panic swept her.

She couldn't move to the other side of the world. How the fuck is she going to stop Voldemort?! She couldn't do that from the other side of the world. How was she going to go to school? How was she going to do magic?! How was she going to do anything?!

"I'm not going," she said, taking a seat for added effect. "I don't care. I'll find my own place but I'm not - "

"Who said you were?" he asked coolly.

"What?" her cousin's head snapped up from her magazine. "What do you mean she's not coming with us?"
"Because I…"

They wouldn't understand she thought. Maybe Ridhi auntie would be the only person to have the faintest idea as to why she couldn't leave.

"There'd be too much hassle," her uncle tutted, his inching towards the remote only for it to be snatched away by Ishani.

"She's your niece – you can't just leave your niece by herself – what kind of uncle would you be?"

Ridhi, Aadit and Ila were all shocked at Ishani's outburst. It was safe to say, that not one of them would have thought that out of all people, Ishani would be the one to stand up for her cousin. It was a well-known fact that the two cousins hated each other as much as Voldemort hated Ila and vice versa. The two were constantly bickering at each other or completely ignoring each other. Ila was sure that they had never even had a decent conversation between the two. The last time that probably happened was when they were six. And even then, that ended with the two trying to pull the other's hair out. So as Ishani stood over her father, her arms akimbo, for the first time, Ila had finally felt something other than indifference or fear.

It was the same feeling she got whenever she was with the Weasleys.

"Look at what you've done to our daughter," Aadit scolded Ila. "Maybe it's a good thing that we're leaving."

"It's not her fault for my behaviour," Ishnai exclaimed. "It's me that's telling you what kind of family is this. How can you leave her by herself?"

"If it's any consolation, I don't mind if you guys are - "

"Chup!" her cousin said before turning back to her parents. "You never mentioned this. It's already one thing to tell me that I have to leave my entire life here to move to the other side of the planet. I won't have my friends; we don't have any family over there. Now you're telling me that my own cousin won't even come!"

It was safe to say that everyone was surprised. Eyes wide open, mouth even more open. Even her parents were shocked enough to not say anything. Taking this opportunity, Ishani grabbed Ila by the arm, dragging her out to the hallway.

"You guys better think about what you're doing to me by the time I come back," she yelled out as she forced Ila to put on her shoes. "I'm going to spend some family time" – Ishani poked her head into the living room – "without you!"

Without leaving time for her parents to respond, Ishani opened the door and pulled Ila out of the house before walking far too quickly for Ila's liking, considering she hadn't left the house in a month.

Ila glanced back to see that both her uncle and auntie were still sitting where they were, while a few of the other neighbours poked their heads out to see what had gone on.

"Oh go fuck off back to your cheating husband! Nothing to see here!" Ishani yelled to their neighbour, who pulled a face before stepping back inside.

Once they had reached the main road, Ila yelled – "Ish-Ishani what the fuck are you doing?"

The two cousins finally stopped walking. Ila managed to get her arm back while Ishani was staring at her.

"What do you mean what the fuck am I doing? What the fuck are you doing? Why aren't more…I don't know annoyed. Angry? This isn't like you."

"Yeah because I'm not like that."

Ishani raised a brow, reminding Ila of a certain blonde-haired boy. "You blew up our auntie because of what she said about your mum and then ran away. This was literally two years ago."

"Yeah well…I guess I'm not like that anymore," Ila hesitated.

Ishani scoffed before starting to walk away.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ila said, quickly following her.

"That's bull and you know it," Ishani replied. "Every year you always do something to fuck everything up. You know the amount times I've heard my dad threaten to kick you out."

"I don't fuck everything up," Ila said, a bit too harshly that Ishani stopped and looked at her. Ila couldn't decipher what she was thinking. This was probably the longest the two had looked at each other without it breaking into an argument. "What?"

Ishani narrowed her eyes before saying -

"If you had a friend that liked your boyfriend and wanted you to break up with him or else she'd out you to your parents what would you do?"

Ila was taken aback by the sudden change in conversation but thankful, nonetheless. She began walking, heading towards the park.

"I'm being serious," Ishani asked, following her. "What would you do?"

"Since when did you want my advice?"

"Since I realised…oh just answer the question will you?" she grumbled.

"None of that applies to me you know," Ila said calmly. She wanted the old Ishani to come back.

"It's called a hypothetical," Ishani said, slightly irritated. "Why else do you think I said 'if'? Obviously, I know you don't have friends or a boyfriend-"

"Or a friend who likes my boyfriend and is going to out me if I don't break up with him," Ila replied dryly.

Behind Ila, her cousin imagined strangling her before walking beside her and asking "Just imagine it and tell me what you would do."

"Fine," Ila sighed. "Do you want to break up with your boyfriend?"

Ishani tutted as they walked past the bridge. "Obviously I don't want to break up with my boyfriend."

"So then get rid of your friend," she said as if it was the obvious thing. Mainly because it was.

"Why? She's my friend."

Ila gave her cousin a pointed look and it really seemed that Ishani didn't see the problem. "What kind of friend is she if she wants you to break up with your boyfriend? And if you don't then out it to your parents. A true friend would want you to be happy. They'd do anything to keep you happy. You've got a leach, not a friend."

Ishani scoffed and walked ahead of Ila, muttering, "Thanks for nothing then."

There she is, Ila thought.

With Ishani leading the way now, the two ended up on the swings. This was the most that Ila had ventured from the house and with the lack of appetite, she was grateful for a break from walking. Pushing herself gently, Ila tried her best to generate some wind under the scorching sun. She was surprised Ishani hadn't wanted to go back home.

Then again, the Varma's pride gave them stamina that Ila could only dream of.

A few metres ahead of her, she watched a mother and her daughter play together. The two were sat under the roof of the slide. The two were pretending to be on a ship, the playset being it. The daughter peered down, and the mother grabbed her quickly yelling –

"Don't get too close to the sharks!"

The daughter squealed in delight, grabbing onto her mother as quickly as possible. The mother gasped, pointing towards the climbing frame. "Look! Pirates are coming. We need to get out."

The daughter pointed to the slide. The mother moved over and braced herself as she and her daughter slid down the hot metal slide, the mother taking the brunt of it, to escape the pirates.

Ila's own mother came to her every night. In her dreams, she would picture her mother. But it was never actually her mother. It would always be the apparition that appeared from…from His wand. She could still remember her voice, the desperation in her voice, the pride.

The dream would always start with her mother. Her father would appear soon after. The three were under a tree, having a picnic. Her parents would ask her how she felt and…Ila would always tell them that she was afraid. But the moment she said those words, He would appear. A sudden pain would shoot up her spine, rendering her paralysed. As she laid on the ground, she watched Him torture her parents, over and over and over again, until the morning came, and she woke up to her pillow wet.

The main reason why she didn't leave the house was because the one time she did to get milk, she thought He was in Little Whinging. She could remember his breath on her face, his nails dragging across her face. She could remember the Sisters' chants. She was always worried that even by thinking of those chants she would summon something. So, all the time she would play music. And at night, when the Varma's had enough, she would whisper to herself. She mainly counted the number of patterns she could see on her ceiling. The one thing she hadn't figured out to stop was…every time she closed her eyes, she could see His red eyes glaring at her. If only there was a way to stop sleeping…

"Have you ever dealt with a leech?" Ishnai asked. Ila tore her eyes away from the bottom of the slide, the mother and daughter having left ages ago.

"I don't think so."

"What's it like?" she asked.

"What's it?"

"Mag – the school. Your school."

"It's" – filled with a bunch of students that have no idea what's going on in the real world, an entire house filled with students bullying Ila, a bunch of professors that probably have no idea what's going on half the time and a headmaster that couldn't give a fuck about his 'favourite' student – "ok."

"It's like talking to fucking brick walk. Tell me something fun. Like who're your friends – that gorra – is he your boyfriend? I promise I won't tell."

Ila glanced at Ishani. "No, he's not my boyfriend. He's a friend."

"Well…is there anyone?" Ishani smiled.

"No."

The smile dropped. "Seriously Ila? We're supposed to be bonding. There has to be someone."

"No." Ila stopped herself and began to walk away. She had passed the slide.

"Oh c'mon stop being a kutta! Tell me!" Ila walked further away as Ishani tried to catch up. She headed out of the park and was about to walk towards the shops when –

CRACK!

The sun that had baked everyone alive for the past few weeks vanished. Ila glanced up to see a terrifyingly dark sky. It was one massive cloud. A loud rumble of thunder soon passed by before –

"Fuck's sake my hair! C'MON!" Ishani grabbed Ila's wrist and pulled her towards the closest shelter the two had against the sudden torrential rain. Ila's hair whipped around her, getting in her eyes and mouth, while Ishani's hand tried its best to protect her face. It was getting hard to see but luckily, a tunnel appeared in front of them. With a sudden burst of energy, the two sprinted towards it.

While catching their breath Ila asked, "That's never happened before."

"It's…it's the UK…what do you expect?" Ishani said between breaths.

Ignoring the shakiness in her legs, Ila stood straight and checked out the sky above from the shelter of the tunnel. While the UK was known for horrible weather…this had to be something other than them being on an island.

That was when something caught Ila's eye.

The rows of lights above her began to flicker. She glanced down at her arms – all the hairs had stood up. She could feel the presence of her wand around her waistband. Just as she pulled out her wand, the lights of the tunnel turned off.

"Let's go – if we go straight we'll be home quicker," Ishani said, walking straight.

"Are you seriously walking into a dark tunnel?" Ila said, following her. "Have you never watched – ARGH!"

A sharp pain shot up her nose. Her hands quickly went to cover it as she felt her blood pour into them. "What the fuck was that Ishani?"

"Sorry…I thought…I thought you were something else…" she said, her voice slightly dazed. "I thought you were that."

"That's makes no sense!"

Ila glanced up. Ishani was pointing to the lone figure standing at the end of the tunnel. Though it was dark, Ila could tell it was facing them. She gripped her wand. This isn't…it can't be…it can't fucking be…

"Maybe it's just a flasher," Ishani said. "If we walk together, he can't get both of us."

Ila stood there. She couldn't move or speak. She knew it wasn't a flasher or a murderer. It wasn't human.

It was a creature of dread.

Every painful thought that Ila had emerged through the surface until a cacophony of panic, fear, embarrassment and shame filled her head.

It was getting to Ishani too, who hadn't realised her cousin didn't follow her. Ila watched as her cousin fell to her knees before collapsing to the floor. It was coming for her.

Ila tried her best to break away from her thoughts, grabbing onto her wand and pointing it to the Dementor.

"Expecto Patronum!" A silvery wisp of vapour shot from the tip of the wand. "You bitch!"

Like a magnet, the pull of the Dementor was getting stronger as it glided closer until she collapsed under the weight of it. Ila heard her mother screaming, begging Voldemort to have mercy.

"Ex-expecto…"

She saw Ron and Hermione lying on the floor with knives sticking out of their backs. She saw the faces of the Weasleys devastated before they began shouting at her, asking how she could do that. She didn't know what to say. Ila was struggling to breathe.

"Ex…"

Ila saw Dumbledore disappointed in her. Sirius appeared beside him, along with her parents, all just as frustrated as each other. Ila found herself back in the graveyard on the night of the Third Task. An excruciating pain shot through her body, as though strings had been attached to her spine and it was pulled up. She wanted to cry out in pain, but everything felt too heavy. With every blink, it was getting harder to open them. This was it, wasn't it? At least her wish would come true now. Death would take her away now.

She could even feel a cold wind surrounding her. She was ready.

Except –

Instead of a warm blinding light, it was like someone had poured ice-cold water. She shook herself awake. She could see her wand. She grabbed it and felt its warmth. In the back of her head, she could hear –

"Not yet."

She wasn't sure if it was her or something else.

Whatever it was, she listened to it and yelled -

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

A white light blinded Ila as a slivery doe emerged from the tip of her wand. The doe charged forward and pierced the Dementor before throwing it backwards, onto the wall. It galloped to the side of the tunnel where other Dementors appeared and again threw it in the air. The two Dementors soared away as the doe dissipated, its owner no longer in danger.

Until Ila gets Ishani home.

Turning to her stomach, Ila crawled her way to her cousin, getting dizzy with every push.

"Unbelievable," Ila muttered at her unconscious cousin, wiping the dried-up blood from her nose.

She nearly had her soul sucked out of her and seemed pretty fine but her cousin can't handle two seconds? She should be thanking her now.

A more pressing thought came to mind. How was she going to get her home? Ila wasn't the strongest and considering she nearly received the Kiss of Death, it was safe to say, she couldn't even carry her body weight let alone another person. Ila groaned, letting her head hit the concrete floor. The weather hadn't changed when the Dementors had left, Ila putting it up to coincidence that it changed the moment they arrived. The soft patter of rain was the only thing that kept her away from silence. She watched her cousin's chest slowly rise. At least she was still alive.

Ila couldn't believe it. How on earth did Dementors get here of all places…and why?

Was it Him?

It can't have been. Unlike like last year, it was no longer a speculation if Voldemort was back. She had seen him just before the end of her fourth year. She thought the nightmares would have left by now, but no; two months later, her body still twitches at the thought of the night. She hasn't told anyone about this. How could she? Ron and Hermione hadn't sent any letters to her.

Only birthday cards which looked like they were quickly scribbled, "We'll meet each other soon, I promise. Happy Birthday!"

That was the only form of communication with the Wizarding World she had. Dumbledore hasn't sent anything. Nothing from Sirius or even any of the Weasleys. Ila doubted that she'd see her friends again before the start of school. She knew it was a stupid thing to worry about.

It wasn't like she was going to be alone.

But after everything that happened, Ila would have assumed the Wizarding World would be in a more frenzied state. Voldemort, the Dark Lord that killed millions of innocent witches and wizards because they either got in the way of their plans or were his plan; killing anyone who didn't uphold pureblood supremacy beliefs.

And now he had the help of one of the most powerful cults, able to fool everyone that a member of the Ministry and a reporter from the Daily Prophet had disappeared and ran away. Not to mention the last thing Ila remembered hearing before she used the Cup, was that the ritual was complete.

The ritual for the Four Horseman to destroy the Earth.

Someone must have noticed.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up girl," a voice above Ila shrieked, startling her. "There could be more around…Oh, I'm going to kill Mundungus Fletcher!"

AN: You'll be getting loads more chapters soon!

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