Holley knocked on the room's door. She hadn't heard from Finn since he had gone to check on Leland hours ago.
"Everything alright in there, guys? Finn? Finn, are you in there? Finn, is he-" Finn opened the door suddenly, causing Holley to jump back.
"Oh! There you are, I was just wondering how it..." Finn looked somber. Holley's face shifted.
"Finn, what happened?" He let out a tired sigh.
"Well Holley, I don't think Leland is going to have to worry about testifying against Grem in-person." Her eyebrows raised.
"Why?" Finn motioned for Holley to enter, then shut the door behind her. Leland was sleeping, the plastic water bottle he had thrown at Finn and vice-versa filled up with water once more, sitting on the table.
"He can't remember anything long-term. He'll remember, then forget, then remember again, and so on." He lovingly pet Leland's cheek, now standing over the man.
"Did something happen, Finn? He had a meltdown, didn't he?" Finn sighed again.
"No Holley, it was me who lost my patience with him." He sat down, placing his hand on Leland's shoulder.
"I had asked him how the evaluation went, and he said he didn't know because he had forgotten the entire bloody thing. I asked him again because I wasn't expecting it -I guess I was in shock- and he snapped at me for it."
"Okay, Finn, he does that all the time." Finn shook his head.
"He accused me of treating him like an idiot, talking down to him. He said that we must all think he's barmy and that we all hate him. Then he threw an empty bottle at me."
"Okay, but as I said, this literally happens all the time-"
"Will you just let me finish here?!" Finn snapped. Seeing the look left on Holley's face, he quickly regretting losing his cool. Again.
"I -I'm sorry Holley, I... I don't know what's been getting into me." Finn settled back into the chair, having gotten to his feet to yell at Holley.
"I threw it back at him, and he got scared and started crying. And as I was comforting him, I realized he was right. I think of him as an idiot, now."
"Finn, you didn't do anything wrong."
"I put him down."
"You're not even wrong about that, though! He's obviously not as sharp as he used to be!"
"That's hard to come to terms with, my dear. One of the things I always loved about Leland was his wit."
"You still love him, though, right?" Finn nodded.
"With all my heart."
"So you'll move past this! Everything will be okay."
"It's so hard to lose him like this. He's... He's changed so much."
"People always change, Finn. You know that. And I know you wouldn't really want to be with someone who never changes. You'd hate that. I'd hate that." Finn nodded.
"You're absolutely right, Holley. I was never meant for someone always stuck in their old ways." Holley smirked.
"You don't think he's a little bit stuck with all the old music he listens to? New Order, The Smiths, Gang of Four?" She managed to elicit a smile from Finn.
"Besides that, he was always adventurous. And weird artsy kids of today still like those bands, too. I've seen them around Kings Cross." Holley studied Finn, taking in his sad face. His eyes and cheeks were sunken, with dark circles under his eyes. He looked almost as bad as Leland, if not worse. At least Leland didn't look tired, not like Finn did. Leland slept all the time, it was Finn who was kept awake at night, staying up to watch him.
"Finn, you know what I think you should do now?"
"What?"
"Go home." He raised his eyebrows.
"I'm not leaving him here, he needs me-"
"Finn, I've never seen you more run down. You've been fretting over him for almost three months. You can't keep this up forever! You even took a leave from MI6 -you! The workaholic! You need to go home at a certain point and just breathe. Otherwise you're just going to kill yourself doing this. Everyone can tell you're running on empty. Sidd told you to let yourself put yourself before him."
"And I did!"
"But that was when he first woke up! It's been two and a half weeks, Finn, and you didn't even follow Sidd's advice the first time around. You need to go home, and I promise you, I will sit here with him the entire time. He won't be lonely." Finn seemed to give in, perhaps having no fight left in him.
"You're right." He got up and started to trudge to the door.
"Another thing." He turned back around to look at her.
"I don't think you should drive. You look terrible."
"And what do my looks have to do with my driving?"
"I'm honestly afraid you'll pass out and crash." He looked at her with eyes dulled from fatigue.
"You have a point." She gave him a sympathetic smile.
"I'll drive you home."
"But what about-"
"He'll be alright, I'll come right back afterwards." He sighed and nodded.
"One last thing, Holley..." Finn made his way back over to Leland and tucked him into bed, then kissed him on the forehead.
"See you soon, dear." He exited the room with Holley, taking one last look at Leland before shutting the door.
Finn and Holley walked through the parking garage, their footsteps resonating through the cold concrete building.
"So how are things with that boyfriend of yours? The American?"
"Oh, we broke up months ago." Finn raised his eyebrows.
"I can't say I'm terribly surprised about that." She nodded.
"Yeah, he was nice enough, but he was a little bit too much of a redneck for my tastes."
"He wasn't much of a looker, either." She chuckled and shook her head.
"You're right, Finn." She unlocked the door to her car -not the technology-equipped Jaguar she used for work, but rather a Volkswagen New Beetle she used for "civilian duty". Finn found it interested -he and Leland had both always used just one car throughout their careers for everything. Finn got in the front passenger seat, then looked at himself in the side-view mirror.
He looked terrible, just like Holley had said. It was if all the life had been drained out of him.
"Holley?"
"Yes?"
"I think I may retire from the service to care for him." Holley raised her eyebrows as she pulled out of the parking space, the car suddenly stopping as she did so.
"Finn..." She resumed driving out of the parking garage.
"Finn, I can't picture you being happy doing that. You love your job. You're a valuable asset to MI6. A man of your skill... your experience... they'll have a hard time replacing you." He was silent for a moment, staring out the window.
"I won't perform as well now. I'm always worried about him, and that won't go away after he's discharged. It's not just the amputations, the trauma, the brain damage. It's everything that goes along with those. He's not going to take care of himself, or he won't be able to take care of himself. Who will watch him? Fritz?"
"Probably a nurse from the NHS-"
"He doesn't want to be watched by some random bird from the NHS! And he won't want Fritz taking time out of his own life to care for him. And what if Fritz can't? He remarried after Pamela passed away. I don't know if Lori wants her husband preoccupied with him instead of his step-daughter."
"Finn, then he wouldn't want you to give up MI6-"
"I don't have a family. No, actually, he's my family. We can finally settle down. Get married. Move to Liverpool. Live out the rest of our lives together. I'm getting too old for this stuff anyways." Holley was silent, and Finn didn't say anything else. She drove in quiet for a bit, with only the sounds of the car and the rain outside. Finally, she broke the silence.
"I'll miss you."
"What?"
"If you leave MI6, I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too, Holley." The silence resumed, and Holley focused again on the road. She glanced over at Finn and realized he had fallen asleep. She really would miss him. But maybe he was right. Leland was doing his head in. What if he wasn't paying attention on the job and got shot? What if he died? Would Leland get worse then? Would he die too?
What if Finn got left with permanent injuries like Leland? What if he was worse? What if some thug shot him in the head with a .44 Magnum and he somehow survived? She bit her lip as she delved into this nightmare vision. She pictured herself wheeling Leland down the hallway of a nursing home to a private room. She opened the door and they entered, with Finn lying in bed. He'd turn his head to look at them but his eyes would be glassy. Nobody home. The doctors had told her that he was conscious but severely-
She shook herself free of this gross fantasy. Was it a fantasy if it was awful and she didn't want it? Was that still a fantasy, or a waking nightmare? Whatever it was, she pushed it to the back of her mind. Maybe it would leave her like things left Leland. Maybe it was better Finn retired so things like that couldn't happen. She parked in front of the apartment building where Finn lived and shook him awake.
"Huh?"
"We're home, Finn."
"Oh." He got out of the car without saying anything, then turned to look at her.
"Thank you."
"It's no problem, Finn." He started to walk away.
"Finn!" He turned back around to look at her.
"Make sure to get some rest!" He nodded and walked away. Holley watched him enter the building, then drove off, back to the hospital to take over what Finn did -keeping Leland constant company.