(A/N: Hmm, less hits than I was hoping for, but this is a fairly old anime that's not even about the main characters, so I guess it's to be expected that not many people would be looking for fics in this series. But that's ok, I'm writing for me and simply sharing in the process. I still intend to give it my all, regardless of how many hits it gets. At least it'll be out there in the ether for anyone who comes across it. So with that in mind, here we go with the second chapter.)
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter 2: The Ultimatum
Shiori tried to swallow, but her mouth had suddenly gone dry. She'd been hoping that Juri would acknowledge her, but she hadn't expected her to suddenly confront her out of the blue like this. There had been so many things she'd wanted to say, but now she couldn't think of a single one of them.
"You've been following me for a while now," Juri remarked when Shiori didn't say anything after a while. "Why?"
Shiori attempted to find her voice, but instead only found herself tongue-tied. "I, uh… Um… I…"
Words failed her. Juri raised an eyebrow, her expression still unreadable. She was acting as if they really were strangers, like Shiori was some transfer student trying to work up the courage to ask their upperclassman for directions. That hurt, but it was no less than she deserved.
Finally, she gave up. Anything she had been planning to say was lost to her, and instead she only managed to say the most basic of things. "I'm sorry."
Juri's brow rose higher. She waited in case she had more to say, but Shiori could only stand there silently with her eyes downcast in shame. She couldn't even bring herself to look the orange-haired girl in the eye.
"Is that all?" Juri finally asked when it became obvious that Shiori wasn't going to say anything else. "Well, you're forgiven." She pushed off the wall and began to walk away. "Let's just put all this behind us and move on."
Her words hit Shiori like a punch in the gut. They were so… dismissive. Anger she could have handled, sadness, resentment, she'd deserved all of those things. But this… indifference, that hurt so much more. Shiori didn't think she could take it.
"Wait!" she exclaimed, reaching out for her and grabbing the back of her shirt. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
Juri didn't turn around, but she had stopped walking. After several long moments of silence, she respond. "I heard you, Shiori, and I told you that you're forgiven."
Shiori's grip on her shirt tightened. "But I'm not. How could I be? How could you possibly forgive me?"
She wondered if Juri was simply saying she had forgiven her, but really hadn't. Shiori really didn't see how she could have forgiven her. She was well aware of just how hurtful she had been. Ruka's own cruel use and treatment of her had been a real eye-opener for just how cruel she too had been. A simple apology couldn't possibly make things right, but she didn't know what else she could do.
Several long seconds passed before Juri let out a deep sigh. "Because if I don't, then I'll never be able to move on. And I need to, Shiori. I've been in this coffin for too long."
Shiori hung her head. Some of the indifference had left Juri's voice when she answered. She now sounded tired and resigned. Shiori's bottom lip began to tremble as she tried to find the strength to say what she wanted to say. "I… I miss you, Juri."
At her sides, Juri's hands clenched into fists. She still didn't turn around, but when she spoke next, a sharpness had entered her voice. "What do you want from me, Shiori?"
She could practically feel Shiori flinch behind, and Juri felt her resolve crack the slightest bit. But she would not show weakness. She had decided to finally move past this, and she would. She couldn't allow herself to get emotional.
"I just…" Shiori began, seemingly working up her nerve. "I just want my best friend back."
Another crack in her armor, but with it came the flames of anger at the way Shiori had intentionally gone out of her way to hurt her. Had it been anyone else, anyone else who had done the things she had done, Juri honestly wouldn't have cared, but it had been her, and that had been what really hurt, possibly the most. It was why she had continued to act like she didn't care.
"Your friend," she said coldly, and slowly turned around to face her. "Tell me, Shiori, were we friends? Were we ever really?"
Her words seemed to genuinely surprise the violet-haired girl. "What? What are you talking about? Of course we were. We've been friends since we were little. You were my best friend."
Juri's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms. "Really? Because these past several months, you've been very hostile towards me, and you seemed to have been carrying a lot of resentment towards me for a long time too. That's not exactly best friend behavior."
The look of guilt and shame that crossed Shiori's face was unmistakable, and she averted her eyes. Juri remained resolved though, and continued to glare at her, determine to see this through. All the same, it nearly broke her heart when it appeared that Shiori was close to tears.
"You're right," she said, her voice cracking. "I have been a horrible friend these past months. I was stupid and selfish, and I really didn't treat you right." She closed her eyes. "And it's true, I have been resentful of you. I've always been envious of you, Juri. I was jealous of how great and special you are. How you were always so far out of my league and better at me in everything. You were always the golden child, while I was just your stupid best friend. Even Ruka loved you, despite my feelings for him." Her shoulders started shaking. "You should know how painful and angry it can make you to have the person you love be in love with someone else."
Juri's resolve almost completely shattered at those words, because she was absolutely right. It was incredibly painful to have the person you love be in love with someone else, and it could cause a person to lash out at others in anger. Juri herself had been angry at the world in general for that very reason. The thought of Shiori never returning her feelings had been painful. Seeing her fall for someone else had hurt even more. Hurt had turned to anger and bitterness, and Juri's resentment had been cast upon the world, making her determine to disprove the existence of miracles, which had become her driving force in the Rose Bride Tournament, and caused her to look down on anyone who believed in them.
Shiori's case had been different. She saw that now, and she was seeing her in a new light too. She could understand Shiori being jealous of her. Many people were. And then for her to have the man she loved fall for the one she was jealous of, it was almost expected for that jealousy to evolve into resentment. For all intents and purposes, Juri had become the source of Shiori's pain. Was it any wonder she had lashed out at her when she thought that she could get the upper-hand and escape her shadow?
Truthfully, Juri had never considered any of this. Just how long had Shiori been suffering because of her? Perhaps she hadn't been the best of friends either, being too concerned with her own pain of unrequited love and trying to keep it a secret to notice that Shiori was hurting, which could have possibly made Shiori even more resentful.
Some best friends they had been. So caught up in their own problems that they didn't recognize each other's. Well, at least they were finally being honest with each other about everything now. Was that also thanks to Ruka's meddling? Had him pretending to love Shiori only to cruelly break her heart and make her feel worthless broken Shiori herself as well, and now she was trying to pick up the pieces?
"Yes," Juri found herself saying, the coldness disappearing from her voice, "I know that pain well."
Shiori looked back at her, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "But despite all that, no matter how angry and jealous of you I was, I still thought of you as my best friend. I… I never wanted to hurt you, Juri. Not really." She hesitated. "Well, ok, maybe I did. But it wasn't because I hated you. I don't think I could ever actually hate you."
She rubbed her eyes. "But I did want to be acknowledged. I thought… I don't know, I guess I thought that if I could rise myself up to your level, or lower you down to mine… I suppose I figured that if we were on more even playing fields, then I would be worthy to stand beside you… and then I wouldn't ever have to lose you."
"Lose me?" Juri repeated, genuinely surprised. "Why would you lose me?"
A humorless laugh escaped Shiori. "Come on, Juri. What was I compared to you? You were, are, on a path to greatness. What did I have to offer? I'm just a normal girl whose only special quality is that she comes from a rich family, no different from all the others that go to this school. All I could do was hold you back."
She shook her head, now looking disgusted with herself. "Stupid Shiori, Juri's stupid best friend, always tagging along and holding you back. Just how long until you ditched me completely? And then what would I have? No one ever looked at me with you around. The first boy I ever dated was actually in love with you. Ruka only ever saw you even when I was around. Hell, the whole reason he was with me was really all for you. And once he was done with me, I was discarded, just as I knew I would be."
Juri uncrossed her arms, clenching her fists in resolution. "I would never have ditched you, Shiori. You were my best friend. How could I ever leave you behind?"
"But you did," Shiori insisted, which suddenly gave Juri pause. "You began to distance yourself from me. And that hurt, Juri. It hurt."
Juri was taken aback, but she realized that she was right. She had started to distance herself from Shiori. Both to keep her love hidden and because it had been painful to be around her and not be able to openly love her. Once again, she had been so concerned about her own feelings that she hadn't noticed Shiori's. But she had thought that she would be ok with her other friends, not realizing how painful it would be for her to be ignored by her best friend. Perhaps the violet-haired girl before her wasn't the only one who was innocently cruel.
A sigh escaped her, and she crossed her arms once more. "I see. It seems both of us are guilty of hurting the other, even unintentionally."
Shiori sadly hung her head. "When I saw my picture in in your locket and came to understand your feelings, I somehow got the idea in my head that I could use it as a way to… control you, I guess. If I had this power over you, then you couldn't ever leave me, and I wouldn't feel so unworthy of being with you since I was the one with the power, so I couldn't be beneath you in that sense. But now I see where that got me. All it did was cause both of us a lot of pain."
Closing her eyes in resignation, Juri nodded. "Yes, it did."
"But now," Shiori continued, pausing to once again work up her courage, "now I just want things to go back to the way they were before. Now, all I want is my best friend back." She gave Juri a pleading look. "Please, Juri. I'm sorry for everything, but can we please go back to normal, to before any of this happened?"
Her words struck a chord in Juri, and she had to almost physically hold herself back. There was a part of her that desperately wanted that too, to go back to being best friends with her, silently loving her from a distance. Friends had fights and falling outs from time to time, but what made those friendships special was the willingness to forgive and come together again. Because friendships were worth it.
But Juri knew how painful that path was. She'd traveled that road for years, and she didn't want to go down it again. And as much as she despised Ruka for it, he had given his life to free Juri from that road. Going back now would only lead to more pain. To forgive and forget no longer seemed like an option.
Another sigh escaped her. "I'm sorry, Shiori, but I don't think we can. After everything that happened, with everything we now know about each other, I don't think it's possible to become what we once were."
The look that crossed Shiori's face was one of complete heartbreak. But at the same time, it was a look of understanding and resignation, almost as if she had expected this outcome. "Then… Then could we, perhaps, start over? Forget the past and have a clean slate?"
Juri studied her, considering her proposal. It was interesting to think about, starting over. And if they had only been best friends, then maybe they could. But that wasn't the case. Juri had been in love with Shiori. She was still deeply in love with her, even now, despite everything. And being in love with her was painful. But she hadn't been able to let her go before. Now she felt that she finally could. She felt that she could at last walk away. But even so, a person couldn't just turn off their feelings, or else she would have done that long ago.
She could walk away from her, but she couldn't stop loving her, not even if they started over. And loving her but being unable to have her just hurt too much. Starting over would just amount to the same thing. They would end up right back to where they were before and nothing would change. She couldn't take that, not anymore. She had finally managed to crawl out of her coffin, and now she had to keep walking.
She contemplated all this for a long while before shaking her head. "No, Shiori. I'm afraid that's impossible. This is something that can't be restarted. I think we both know that."
Something akin to desperation flashed across Shiori's face and she suddenly grabbed Juri's hand in both of hers. "Please, Juri! I need you! I've lost everything else, I can't lose you too!"
Juri glanced down at her hand in both of Shiori's and felt that longing pull in her heart, but she stomped it down and narrowed her eyes in determination. "And what about me?" At Shiori's confused look, she elaborated. "Forgiving you is one thing, but how am I supposed to start over with you? Loving you like this… I was able to keep it to myself before, but now that you know, how am I, are we, supposed to…?"
She trailed off and shook her head. "No, Shiori, starting over isn't an option, not this time, and I don't see how we can just pretend everything that happened didn't happen and go back to the way things were." She pulled her hand free. "I'm sorry, but we just can't. It's better if we just go our separate ways."
She turned to leave, but Shiori suddenly reached out and grasped her arm with both hands, pulling her back and clinging to her desperately. "Please, Juri. Just tell me what I have to do to make this right. What can I do to make it up to you?"
Juri really wished she would stop pleading with her like this. Her resolve was breaking more and more, but she was doing her best to remain strong. Truthfully, she did want to remain friends with Shiori, but she didn't think she could without loving her. And loving her was the whole problem. Even now, all she wanted to do was grab her and kiss her senseless.
"Shiori," she said with a sigh, "it's not a matter of you fixing anything or making it up to me. I just can't be around you anymore."
"Why not?"
Juri ripped her arm free, practically slapping her hands in the process. "Because it's too painful!" she finally snapped. Shiori took a startled step back, surprised by her outburst. But the dam had cracked, and now Juri found she couldn't stop as she slapped a hand over her chest. "Do you think I don't want to make up with you!? Do you think I don't wish we could remain friends!? I do, Shiori, but I can't! I just can't! It hurts too much! I can't be around you and not love you! But as we've both already seen, all that leads to is more pain, and I just can't do it anymore! The only way to put an end to this is to let you go completely, but I can't do that if I'm around you! I tolerate you in the Dueling Club, but other than that, I need to cut you out of my life, so this is the only option!"
She finished yelling and was left panting. Shiori stood there looking both shocked and hurt. Juri continued to breathe heavily as she glared at her, but when she saw tears start to fill Shiori's eyes, she turned her back on her. Not just because she couldn't bear to see Shiori cry, but because her own eyes were beginning to tear up. It felt like she was ripping her own heart out of her chest.
"Juri…" Shiori whispered as tears began running down her cheek, and she reached up to wipe them away. "I'm sorry, Juri. I really messed everything up."
Juri nearly winced at that, and took a few moments to compose herself so when she spoke next, her voice was calm and steady. "What you did was cruel, Shiori, yes, but no, it's my fault for loving you. Even if you never did the things you did, I would still love you, that wouldn't have changed."
Shiori hung her head. "Maybe. But if I never found out, then we could have at least stayed the way we were before." She wiped her eyes one last time and sniffled. "What can I do then? Is there really nothing?"
No, there wasn't, Juri found herself thinking, not unless she could somehow bring herself to love her back. Because even now, after everything, if she was somehow granted the miracle of having Shiori return her love, then there's no doubt that she would have accepted it. She would take Shiori in her arms and never let her go.
Such a foolish notion that was. While Juri's faith in miracles had been restored, at least to an extent, she was still a realist. If Shiori were capable of loving her the way she wished she would, then shouldn't that have happened by now?
This thought suddenly gave Juri pause. No, it shouldn't have. Why would she? Until a few months ago, Shiori had never known how Juri had really felt about her, and when she found out, that's when her vindictive motives had come out. Prior to that, she had been smitten with Ruka, even polishing his sword every day ever since he left the school for his health.
The two of them had never even had a chance to try to be together. But if they'd tried, could something have become of them? Was Shiori even interested in girls? Was she only interested in boys, or had she simply never considered another girl as a love interest? Juri had never dared to hope before.
A thought was now forming in Juri's head. A wild, crazy, desperate, pathetic thought that she couldn't believe was actually occurring to her. Yet at the same time, it was sending her heart racing with hope and possibility. The logical part of her told her that she was being stupid, that she should stop this line of thinking right now before she ended up hurting herself and making things between her and Shiori even worse. She had finally, after all this time, been able to let her go and walk away. Was she actually thinking about backtracking now, after everything?
She shouldn't do it; she should remain resolute and keep moving forward. What she was thinking could potentially end in tragedy. But at the same time, it also offered a sliver of hope, a hope that she had never had before. And the part of her that loved the cruel, lonely, shy girl she had once called her best friend was clinging to that hope. It was then that she realized that as long as that hope remained, she would never be able to truly move on, because she would always wonder 'what if', and could end up regretting never taking a chance for the rest of her life.
Fists clenching, she turned back to Shiori, preparing herself for the last remnants of her heart to shatter. If she was going to do this, she would need to be careful, otherwise the two of them might end up even worse off than they already were. And perhaps what she was about to do might even be considered manipulative and cruel, but Juri had played nice for so long, and it hadn't gotten her anywhere. Maybe it was time she became more assertive when it came to Shiori.
She took a step towards the violet-haired girl. Shiori lifted her head and looked at her with wet eyes, a look of profound sadness and desperation written on her face. The look almost broke Juri's resolve, but she refused to back down, she couldn't.
"Perhaps…" she said, choosing her words carefully, "perhaps there is something."
She watched Shiori's eyes go wide, and she reached out, grasping Juri's arms. "What? What do you want me to do, Juri? I'll do anything to make it up to you."
Heart pounding, Juri slowly reached out and cupped her cheek. She watched Shiori's eyes dart to the side where she was touching her before moving back to her questioningly. "Do you really mean that?" she asked seriously.
Shiori nodded. "Yes, I'll do anything to fix our friendship."
Anything? That yet remained to be seen, and Juri thought carefully on how to say this. "We can't go back to the way we were before, and we can't just start over. The only way is to move forward. The question is, which road do we take? You know how I feel about you, Shiori. I can't just be friends with you. I just can't, not anymore. So, here's the deal." She moved her hand down to gently but firmly grip her chin as she moved closer. "If we're going to be involved in each other's lives outside of club, then we're going to have to at least try to be more than friends."
Shiori blinked, clearly not understanding. Juri gave her some time to let her words sink in, not breaking eye contact except to blink, and she watched as Shiori's pretty dark purple orbs widened as the confusion in them gave way to understanding.
"Wait," Shiori whispered hesitantly, "you're saying that you want us to…?"
She didn't finish, but Juri could tell that she had gotten her point across. "Yes, Shiori. I want you to go out with me. If we can't just be friends, but you still want us to be part of each other's lives, then we're going to have to at least try to be something more. Become my girlfriend and we'll see how this goes for a while. I won't be able to stand having you in my life otherwise."
Shiori just continued to stare at her in disbelief, but then suddenly seemed to snap out of her stupor. She pulled her face out of Juri's grasp and back away until she hit the wall, flattening herself against it. To Juri, she almost looked like a small animal backing away from a predator.
"Y-You're saying that you want the two of us to be… to be a… a…"
"Couple," Juri finished for her. She walked over and shot out her hand, slapping it against the way beside Shiori's head, making her jump and let out a gasp. She moved in, bringing her face close. "Yes, Shiori, that's exactly what I'm saying. If you need me in your life, then I need this chance. I can't help loving you, Shiori, and until I know for sure that it won't work out between us romantically, until we give us a real chance, then I can't be at peace and still be around you. I can't move on without real closure. If we give things a try and it doesn't work out, then perhaps I'll be able to move past my feelings and still be friends with you. But until I know, until we try, I can't bear to be around you; it just hurts too much."
Her eyes bore into Shiori's, conveying just how serious she was about what she was saying. The violet-haired girl just stared at her, almost looking afraid. "You want us… to be girlfriends…?" she asked in astonishment. "I don't… know if I can."
Keeping her one hand beside Shiori's head, Juri brought up her other hand and gently stroked her cheek. "I'm not saying we have to get married or anything, just that we have to try. If it doesn't work out, then fine, but I need us to try, Shiori, if I'm going to let you back into my life." Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Besides, you kind of owe me after everything you put me through."
Yes, she was definitely being manipulative now, she knew that, using Shiori's guilt against her like this. She felt bad about that, but she also found that she couldn't stop. She'd opened this bag of worms, and now she had to deal with what was inside. The only way out now was to keep moving forward. If Shiori wanted her in her life, then this was her demand; she was the one risking further heartache after all. Shiori could turn her down if she wanted to, but Juri was going to go after what she wanted now, no more holding back.
"But…" Shiori said, speaking in a whisper, "what would people think of us?"
Juri stroked cheek, letting her thumb graze over Shiori's slightly parted lips. God, she wanted to kiss her. "I don't care anymore. They can think whatever they want. If that bothers you, then you can walk away, but I want you, Shiori. So the deal is that we either give this a try or we sever all ties. I'll still interact with you in club, but that's it. But if we're going to be involved with each other's personal lives, then this is what I need from you, a real chance."
She pulled back, bringing both her arms down. "If you don't feel comfortable announcing us being in a relationship, I understand. There's no need to tell anyone until you're ready, or at all if it doesn't work out between us, I'm fine with that. But I need this chance if you want us to remain friends. That's my condition." She cocked her head to the side. "So, what will it be? The choice is yours."
Shiori stared at her, looking at a loss for words. Juri stared back, her heart racing as she tried to keep her face neutral. She didn't think she ever felt more nervous in her life as she waited for Shiori's answer. She also couldn't believe she was actually being bold enough to do this. Perhaps she was desperately grasping at straws, but she just couldn't help herself. If she was going to continue to risk setting herself up for more pain, then she was going to get something out of it.
She turned her back on her, unable to stand the silence anymore. "Think about it. Find me when you make a decision."
With that, she began walking away. She needed to put some distance between them; she felt like she was suffocating in her presence. Why was she even indulging in this? Was she really so pathetic to give Shiori this ultimatum? Date her or get out of her life? How desperate and lowly did she have to be to resort to such measures? Maybe it would have been better if she just–
"Juri!" Shiori suddenly called out.
The orange-haired girl froze. Heart pounding, she slowly glanced at her over her shoulder, doing her best to appear composed. "Yes?"
Shiori was blushing, her cheeks red with heat, her expression nervous and embarrassed. "We just… We just have to try dating, right? You just want a chance? And if it doesn't work, we can still remain friends?"
Juri's heart began beating even faster. "I would be willing to give being friends with you a chance again, yes, if you're also willing to give us a chance, a real chance, to be something more."
She saw Shiori's fists clench as her face became more flushed. A few seconds later, the violet-haired girl took a deep breath as she seemed to come to a decision. "Ok. Let's do it. Let's go out. I'll be your…" she blushed some more, "your girlfriend."
Juri could have sworn her heart skipped a beat at those words, and it suddenly felt as if the whole world had opened up around her. This moment, it didn't feel real. It felt like some kind of dream. How long had she longed to hear those words from her? She didn't know. But now that she did, she didn't know how to react.
Surprising herself, she somehow managed to keep her face neutral as she said the only words that came to her. "Ok then."
Not knowing what else to do or what else to say, she kept walking, foolishly leaving her heart behind in the hands of the very person who had crushed it so many times before.
(A/N: Talk about a dramatic turn of events. Juri has given Shiori an ultimatum, and a pretty big one at that. Don't think too lowly of her for doing this though, she knows that what she's asking for isn't exactly right, but Shiori is asking a lot of her, and all she's asking in return is a chance. Shiori could have said no if she wanted to, it's not like Juri is forcing her into anything. Either way, Juri would be setting herself up for further heartbreak, but at least with this ultimatum she finally has a chance. And Shiori agreed. Things are going to start to take an interesting turn, and there's sure to be a lot of drama to follow, so stay tuned for the next chapter.)