Song inspiration for this chapter: Not That Simple – Mike Posner

Not That Simple

As the elevator door opens, Haymitch roughly grabs my arm and drags me down the halls. I don't even bother to tear myself away. He must be angry, God knows why. Haymitch has always had his phases, but I think now that he's semi-sober I must have really upset him. He leads me past our bedrooms, up the stairs to the roof. It's funny that I've only been up here once in all these years. I hardly remember it. The city hasn't changed much. Lights are glowing everywhere, so bright you can't see the stars at night. Looking up at the sky makes me sad. It's covered with clouds.

Then Haymitch lets go of me and I stagger forward a few steps before coming to a halt at the railing. This view of the Capitol alone is worth coming up here for. Cars zip back and forth on the streets below, buses and throngs of colorful pedestrians walk around. Some of them carry shopping bags in their hands, others drag their children past the Training Center because they want to catch a look at the victors.

It just strikes me as odd how they drill their children into watching the Games. They are way too young. Suddenly, out of the blue, I remember little Rue. Katniss's words during Victory Tour. She was too young. Aurelia and I got to see the Games for the first time when we were ten ...

Haymitch, who probably has no real sensitivity, snaps me out of my thoughts. "What was that about?" His tone is not unfriendly, but upset.

I shrug and lean sideways towards him to look into his eyes. "I don't know," I reply, annoyed. "It just slipped out of me."

That only seems to piss him off even more. "Just slipped out? Effie ...", he sighs and searches for the right words. When was the last time he pronounced my name like that? I don't want to remember. "It's dangerous to think like that."

I feel the urge to hit him. He must have seen the look on my face because he's looking at me like I'm being silly. "You …- I didn't mean itlike that," I hiss angrily.

His eyes sparkle with relief. My scam works. Hasn't it always worked? "Good ... because to think like that would be very dangerous. And we both don't want any trouble with the Capitol, do we?"

I smile, nod, and pretend I have no idea what he is talking about. But I do and he should know that. Because it was Haymitch who opened my eyes to the Capitol ten years ago. And now I know that he, too, has something to do with this thing brewing on the horizon. Maybe he's just angry at the Capitol, but there must be something behind it. It's not his way to pay attention to my every word or to interpret meaning into my sentences. Haymitch Abernathy never actswithout ulterior motives.

oOo

We return to the penthouse and sit down on the sofa landscape. "You went to college?" Haymitch asks after a while.

I nod absently and think of my mother and how angry she was when I told her my wish. She had a glorious modeling career planned for Aurelia and me. It worked for Aurelia . "Architecture."

"Why didn't you become a model?" I don't know what this question is about.

"I was a model, but my sister was better than me," I say, unable to hide the dissatisfied expression on my face, because not only Haymitch has reduced me to my appearance alone over the years. He never bothered to find out who I really am. I feel the anger inside me, an anger that seems completely foreign to me. But it has nothing to do with him. "I'm not like my sister. She might look incredible even in rags." My voice sounds too testy, a little jealous.

Aurelia has incredible talent, I can't deny that. She has always been my mother's favorite child and rightly so today. She did everything just to make her happy and still does. Although she had to bury her own being with it. I don't want to talk to Haymitch about my sister. The perfect daughter who always did everything right.

"What do you do when you're not drunk?" I try to force a smile and make the question sound lighthearted, but from the way he's looking at me, he doesn't seem to buy it.

It takes a full five minutes for Haymitch to answer me. I start to think he's ignoring me when he finally clears his throat. "Nothing," he admits. Judging by his voice, he's not sure if he should tell me the truth. Something seems to be holding him back. "After the announcement of the Jubilee, the two of them turned off the liquor for me. Threatened anyone who sold it to me. We trained like Careers. Every day." He doesn't sound regretful. Not particularly happy either.

I stay still, just stare at him. I can't think of anything to reply.

"It was terrible. No liquor for three months. First time I've been sober for more than a few days." A thin smile graces Haymitch's face as he says it, but I can see the strength and effort it must have taken him to get through this. Before I can say anything, he raises his hand. He doesn't want my pity. What victor would want to be pitied by an escort from the Capitol?

"Would you show me your drawings?" he suddenly asks, taking me completely by surprise.

My head snaps up and I stare at him with wide eyes. Never. They're my business alone. He gambled away this privilege years ago. "No," I say, glancing at the clock. I suddenly think of Katniss and Peeta. I forgot about them. I stand up as if struck by lightning. "No," I repeat. "We're way too late! Katniss and Peeta are about to be released!"

Haymitch takes his time getting up. Knowing him, he only does it to annoy me. When we take the elevator to the ground floor, the two are already waiting for us. However, they don't look upset. In fact, Katniss looks extremely pleased, so I'm guessing for the best.

"How was it?" My voice makes Peeta look up, who hasn't noticed us until now. He nods contentedly and they tell us a little bit about their day. Then I send them showering and changing until I call them for dinner later.

oOo

Amazingly, Haymitch is the first to appear. He looks tense. As soon as Katniss enters the dining room, he lunges at her. "At least half of the victors instructed their mentors to list you as their preferred ally. Can't imagine it's because of your sunny nature," he says, grinning jolly.

I'm surprised and look at Katniss. They withheld that from us earlier. How did she do it? Peeta provides the answer as he sits down across from me. "They saw her shoot. And it was the first time I saw her shoot properly, too. I'm considering making a formal application as well." He smiles mischievously but seems serious. She must have been really good. Half the tributes.

Katniss doesn't look the least bit embarrassed. She tries to face the matter neutrally. She slowly sinks into the chair next to Peeta and looks over at Haymitch, who is seated next to me.

"Are you really that good?" Haymitch seems genuinely surprised. "So good that Brutus wants you?" Brutus. A career tribute. I'm almost out of breath. She must be outstanding!

Katniss, master of the situation, remains perfectly calm and just shrugs. However, she doesn't seem interested in Brutus. "But I don't want Brutus. I want Mags and those two from District Three."

The appetizer is served. Haymitch sighs and orders a bottle of wine. "Of course. I'll tell everyone you're still thinking." Katniss glares at him, showing that she won't be easy to talk to in this area.

I think she should decide for herself who to ally with. Beetee is a smart guy and has won his Games using a well thought out trick. Wiress too. Although one of the other victors, Finnick or Johanna, certainly wouldn't hurt. But I don't say it out loud. Training is Haymitch's specialty and I don't want to interfere with his work. He'd only have some unkind comment for me anyway.

Lost in thought, I pick at my salad. I probably mash it up more than I eat it. Who cares? I almost drop my head in my hand, but think better of it.

Dinner is over quickly. We exchange a comment here and there, but none of us really talk much. Peeta and Katniss are tired. I am too. After they retire to their chambers, I also get up and bid Haymitch goodnight.

oOo

It's pitch dark in my room. I didn't drape the curtains over the windows, so the city lights bathe the room in a soothing glow. I glance at my alarm on the bedside table by the bed. Already after midnight. Actually, I should have been asleep by now. But I can't, like so often in the last few days.

After turning off the light and crawling into bed, my body has already decided not to delve into the realm of dreams again. It's dangerous there.

I feel my throat tighten, but I don't move an inch. My stomach rebels. I will not fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes, Iseethem again. All the tributes that Haymitch and I have overseen over the years. All the tributes we failed. Fear rises in me. It was particularly bad last night. I walked through a forest. They came from all sides, yelling at me that I should have done something. Should have done more. Their faces were distorted, scarred and some body parts were missing. But they weren't the worst. It got really bad when Katniss and Peeta suddenly stood in front of me. They didn't scream, just stared at me. With dark, bloodshot eyes. Reproachfully.

oOo

This time it's my own scream that wakes me up. Before my brain catches up, I'm on my knees in front of the toilet bowl. But the shaking doesn't stop. Out, it has to get out. Everything! My hearing must have stopped for a few minutes because it's only when I'm back on my bed, knees pressed to my chest, that I hear myself sob.I want to stop, I don't want them to hear me. They mustn't hear me. What will they think of me otherwise? Overwhelmed, I press my hand over my mouth.

What would my mother do in this situation? I'm trying hard to picture it, but I can't remember a moment when she ever cried. She has always been Capitol through and through. That's how she raised us after all. What is going through her head behind closed doors?

As I rock back and forth, the shaking in my body slowly subsides. I can't stay here. There's no use trying to go back to sleep. I look at my watch. It's four in the morning. I sigh and get ready. Although I don't know how I'm going to spend the next few hours, I sneak out of my room shortly afterwards and close the door as quietly as possible.

The sun hasn't risen yet. There are no lights on in the corridors. Not a single sound can be heard. In the dark, I pad down the hallway in my high heels towards the living room. My legs are shaking. The fear is back and I have no idea why. I force myself to keep going. If I make just one noise now, I might have woken up the whole floor and then have to explain why I'm haunting the hallways so early in the morning. Or so late at night.

After what feels like an eternity, I finally reach the living room and sit down at the table. I deliberately leave the lights off. Again, I try to suppress the shaking of my body, but I don't succeed. I wrap my arms around my torso in desperation. I've got a watch with me, but I don't know what time the Avoxes get up to prepare our breakfast.

Now that I think about it, it seems infinitely silly to have sat down at the dining table where everyone will see me when they get up. You only have to look at my face to know that I hardly closed my eyes last night. Even my makeup can't hide that. I turned myself in completely defenseless. I should have stayed in bed and just lay awake for the next few hours. But now I can't get up, that would certainly make too much noise. And I don't want back to bad.

The sun is slowly rising. Today it takes its time. I gratefully turn to it and, just like yesterday, try to distract myself. Shortly thereafter, the first Avox appears, not one of the two redheads, and brings me a cup of tea. I accept it gratefully. As soon as my hands have wrapped around the cup, a pleasant warmth spreads in them. I sip on it with my eyes closed. Soon I'm completely warm and the further the sun rises, the more the queasy feeling disappears from my veins. For the first time I understand why Haymitch never sleeps at night. Fear is much easier to process during the day.

It occurs to me that I could actually have called him. But in the next moment, the thought of asking Haymitch for comfort seems terribly foolish. He would just laugh in my face and ask me if I had a dream about not finding a suitable dress in the closet. He would never understand me, partly because he doesn't want to understand me. Just because I'm from the Capitol and never experienced the pain he went through, I have no right to feel sorrow about topics that concern the Hunger Games. Because he thinks we Capitols are not capable of compassion. We are only human just like he is only human. And the Capitol is full of humans.

Though the fear has passed, it has left an uncomfortable veil. The images will continue to float around in my head and won't be easily dislodged. The tea is empty and the last traces of the warmth that protected me a few hours ago are long gone. The sun is already high on the horizon and I realize that they will soon be arriving for breakfast. The thought of it makes me sick. I'm not sure I can look the children in the eyes today.

Tiredness is getting the better of me, so I get up. My appetite already passed last night. Would anyone notice if I didn't show up for breakfast ? Probably yes, simply because I'm always there. Lost in thought, I turn around and want to leave the dining room when he suddenly stands in front of me. Haymitch leans in the doorway and looks at me. Stares at me like I have something on my face. It's the circles under the eyes. It must be the under-eye circles.

The blood pulsates wildly through my veins and shoots into my cheeks. Before he can even open his mouth, I have stormed past him. This time I'm not worried about my volume. I'm in my room much quicker than expected and almost jump in front of the mirror. The sight of me is frightening and takes my breath away. I must have been crying because my makeup is smudged around my eyes. Black mascara covers the dark circles. Now I'm ashamed to have even left my room.

And Haymitch of all people ... What will he do now? Throwing nasty remarks at me like he always does, probably. I dropped my facade and he saw it. He didn't look drunk, which is why he'll remember. I served him a part of my personality on a silver platter. My mother would be incredibly disappointed. But I'm at least as disappointed by myself. I let my fear guide me and this is the reward for it.

Dejectedly, I remove my make-up, only to redo my face with new make-up afterwards. The woman in the mirror doesn't look like me. She looks like one of the models on the covers of my favorite magazines. Like Aurelia. It takes me full fifteen minutes to get back to the dining room. Katniss and Peeta will be there now, so hopefully Haymitch won't question me about my appearance earlier. It robs me enough of my strength to even enter the room.

Before I even walk in, I don my trademark gleeful smile and wish them all a good morning, being careful not to meet Haymitch's gaze. And that turns out to be extremely difficult because he keeps watching me. At every slightest movement, he looks up just to meet my eyes. I try to ignore him as best I can without seeming rude. So I grab my last alternative and babble away. "Today and tomorrow, there are further training sessions on the program before you start your individual lessons the day after tomorrow." As if they didn't all know that already.

Haymitch gives me a sullen look. Peeta nods and Katniss is just Katniss. "You'll have another chance to get to know the other tributes better and look for possible allies," I add.

"I don't want to ally," Katniss replies sharply. "I already have no idea how to kill them."

I flinch from her harsh words, even though they're just the truth. Pity wells up in me. She's right, it might be a lot more difficult this year. Heartbreaking. "At least try, love," I say, giving her an encouraging smile. "It'd be much safer in a group."

"Effie's right," Haymitch interjects. I must've heard wrong! "Without an alliance, you won't stand a chance in there. The other victors have known each other for years. You are the outsiders."

I'm so amazed that I forget to avoid his eyes and just stare at him blankly for a moment. When did Haymitch ever say I was right? He meets my gaze and his lips curl into a thin smile. I can't make sense of him. For the last few days he's been making me do things I would otherwise never do in his presence. Or haven't done in a long time.

"Just train with them, take turns and try to start conversations. The rest will take care of itself," Haymitch murmurs, then glances at Katniss as if he's only now noticing her. "Okay, maybe you shouldn't take turns after all."

He immediately gets another angry look from Katniss, which he returns with a smirk. "We'll manage," Peeta assures carefree. "Today will definitely be easier than yesterday." His blond hair hangs over his forehead while his blue eyes meet Katniss's gray ones.

I watch them have breakfast in silence. I haven't grabbed any food because I'm not sure if my stomach will hold it yet. After a while, I stare out the window behind Haymitch's head. The sun is now so high that I can only see his contours. The rest is swallowed up by the sun, casting long shadows across the table. I don't mind that the sun reflects off the many windows of the skyscrapers and blinds me. It is pleasant to feel the warmth on the skin. It reminds me a little of midsummer when I walk through the park and the sun shines on me from everywhere.

I don't notice Katniss and Peeta leaving the dining room to get ready for training. It's only when Haymitch's voice pulls me out of my thoughts that I even notice him again. "Are you alright?" He sounds like he doesn't really know what to ask. I still can't see his eyes, so I can only guess how he's looking at me.

"Of course I'm fine, Haymitch. Thanks for asking." After ten years, you finally managed to ask me that question. I don't say it out loud, but my voice betrays my thoughts. He knows immediately what I'm implying, but doesn't let on.

"I don't believe you," he whispers, leaning across the table so I can see his eyes. I blink. "Listen to yourself, sweetheart."

If Haymitch thinks I'd talk to him about how I feel after everything he's done, there's a lot he's missing. After all the pain I've been through because of him ... Moreover, a well-behaved lady doesn't share her feelings with anyone. She smiles, compliments and shows her manners. "I have no idea what you mean," I reply in a professional tone that doesn't really leave room for discussion. Technically.

His laugh sounds frustrated. "I saw you, Effie." Using my name makes me look up. He doesn't often call me by my name, only when he's serious. He's been doing it more than usual lately. I clench my mouth to avoid uttering a wrong word. "You can't tell me you're fine. You can see how little sleep you got last night."

I wince at his words. And I really thought I had done my makeup well. I sigh and give up my attacking stance, deciding it doesn't get me anywhere with Haymitch. "I don't want to talk about it," I reply instead, finally getting up from the table to get away from him. Him and this conversation, which I think went completely wrong. My answer leaves him no room for a counter-argument.

It's only when I push the chair that I see the glitter of the gold bracelet I gave him. We are a team. We can trust each other. Give me a chance to prove it. It literally screams.

I know, it's a rather short chapter. I'm sorry, but I hoped you liked the insight to Effie's character. What do you think? I would be so happy about some comments! See you.

Skyllen