Power Over Life

"Peeta." My voice sounds completely wrong, weak and raspy. These are the first words since my parents were executed. For a moment I'm angry with myself because he's still mine to care for and nobody could ever change that. I feel like I'm back in my role as escort. But as I look at him, I realize that the days of tribute and escort are long behind us. Today we are nothing more than prisoners and we will never be able to return to our old lives.

Peeta's lips curl up in a wan smile. It's just the ghost of his smile back then that could change the atmosphere of an entire room. "Hello Effie," he says in a crystal-clear voice, which seems so changed that I take a step back. Not a shred of emotion resonates in it, as if the Capitol had replaced Peeta with a machine wearing only the mask of his looks.

Peeta's smile hurts my eyes and for a second, I forget the image of my parents because the horror before me seems so unbelievable. I wonder what they did to the poor boy. He must probably fare worse than all of us put together, even if that hardly seems possible in my current situation.

Then Caesar suddenly starts speaking again: "We're sure this must come as a surprise to you, Miss Trinket, but that's exactly the reason for this extra program." As he speaks, he stretches his right hand in my direction out and waves me over. The gray of his suit drowns out the color of his skin underneath. "We want to show the people of Panem the truth. There is no one who can help us more than the two of you here."

Caesar's voice sounds cheerful and the shrillness in it scares me. Doesn't he know what's happening here and where I've been up until now? He must know. For the truth, they shouldn't have dressed me up like that, they should have dragged me straight out of prison for the whole country to see my pain. Every look at Peeta tells me he's no different.

I don't know how I get the strength to walk up to the cheerful moderator and shake his hand. All I know is that my starved hand almost completely disappears in his grasp. My stomach clenches at the sight and for a split second the dizziness returns. The view before my eyes goes black and yet I nod to Caesar and sit down on the soft sofa. Then my eyes clear again and I run my fingers over the expensive fabric of the couch in a calming gesture. I have a similar one in my apartment, only in a dark tone. I can't remember the last time I saw it.

I slowly raise my head and look past Caesar to Peeta. "How are you?" I know, of course, that it's incredibly rude to skip Caesar on his own show and ask the questions myself. The residents of the Capitol will hardly recognize my behavior, but I don't care.

Peeta nods slightly and then smiles. The smile again doesn't reach his eyes and yet it radiates a certain warmth. "I feel very well. Thanks for asking." The sound of his words is spirit- and lifeless.

I recognize the lie even as he speaks it. Of course he's not feeling well, what did I expect? That he would reveal his torment to the whole nation on live television, only to be subjected to even greater torture afterwards? Gone are the days of sacrificing for others, today it's all about bare survival.

I look Peeta in the eye, searching for a spark of emotion. But there is nothing but a deep emptiness that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I suddenly realize that we lost Peeta to the game. Not the Hunger Games in the arena. Katniss survived, she was rescued, but Peeta ... Peeta is dead and you can see it in his every move. They tortured him but spared his life. Not out of kindness, of course, but because they still need him here for this purpose. Because Katniss is alive. He is their only leverage against her. But after everything possible is done, the shell of Peeta's empty body will soon be dead as well. Just like I will.

I just don't understand why they brought me here. There was always just Katniss. It was always about Katniss and Peeta. And the Capitol is taking advantage of that through this interview. But what does that have to do with me? I was never fully affiliated with District 12 or the victors. I was always on the outside. Unlike Haymitch, I've always stood on the fringes of the group, a woman from the Capitol seen only a few weeks of the year and only on the important occasions.

Unlike Haymitch. Suddenly the scales fall from my eyes. Haymitch. He's alive. Of course he's alive. He left the Training Center soon enough to get away from them. Am I here because of him? For him? Like Peeta for Katniss and Annie for Finnick?

No. Haymitch's relationship with me is different. The only thing he feels for me is possibly a strange kind of friendship. But he doesn't feel anything more for me. Not the way Katniss feels about Peeta. I don't understand why the thought is so devastating, after all it's been so obvious all these years. He pushed me away every time. He's been playing this perfidious game with me since my first year. It's taken all my strength to pretend I'm okay once before. As if what was between us was nothing more than a triviality. Look him in the eye and act like nothing happened.

On the contrary, he's acted like it didn't cost him an ounce of energy to drop me over the years. He struck me as a true perfectionist at it, and I wonder how many he's done the same thing to. He drank, made fun of me and provoked our fights. For years he acted as if nothing had happened. As if there had never been anything between us that was more than just friendship. But who would want to be friends with a Capitol escort? Haymitch of all people.

Eventually I gave up waiting for him to bring it up again one day. Even when he was on the verge of a breakdown because of his drinking, he never mentioned a word about it. It really couldn't have interested him. But all this just to smash down my walls a second time eleven years later. Just to see my facade fall one last time before he took off with the rebels. Only the Capitol is wrong about one thing. If they think the sight of me — broken, tortured, hurt — would bring Haymitch to his knees, they're wrong.

Still, I don't want to make it too easy for the Capitol. I don't want Haymitch to see me suffer, no matter what happened between us. He's still a good man at heart, even though he's rarely shown that side to me. He takes care of Katniss and Peeta. He's not a bad person. Life has marked him and taken everything he had a connection to. Katniss and Peeta were the first people to break through his wallsafter all these years. They have become his family.

We are a team. Katniss, Peeta, Haymitch and me. The Capitol knows. I just have to remind myself. They brought me here to harm the Districts. They use us for that. I can either side with the Capitol, which has been torturing me nearly to death for the past few weeks, or choose to rebel. It might seem absurd for a Hunger Games escort to think about it, but the Hunger Games have always been a great facade to distract from other things.

Caesar claps his hands and jolts me out of my thoughts. His big smile seems untouchable, and he points his long fingers at the screen in front of us, which flickers up and then shows the arena of the Quarter Quell. "Then let's bring you up to date. Peeta, we saved you from the arena after Katniss's actions," he says, looking at Peeta with penetrating eyes. Peeta nods silently. Saved. I purse my lips. "And as for you, Miss Trinket. You were found in the Training Center at late hour, so badly hurt that it took a lot of effort for our doctors to restore your health. But you look so good again," he continues, giving me a charming smile.

Before I can stop myself, my eyebrows shoot up and I give him a critical look. I know exactly what they're asking of me. I'm supposed to play along and cover up my truth. I don't know what's at stake if I don't and everything in me resists it.

My mother's eyes pop up inside me and I press my fingers into the fabric of the sofa. I fix my eyes on Caesar because anything else would put me back in the cell and remind me of everything that happened to me down there. I have to remind myself that I'm sitting here in the Capitol's television center, a long way from the jail where Johanna is sitting right now, possibly wondering what they're doing to me. She would hardly expect a television interview either.

"Thank you, Caesar," I say firmly, returning the smile he serves me in a perfect gesture. My fingers loosen their grip and I lift my chin up. I try to shut down the voice in my head screaming at me that I'm a coward. But there's nothing I can do better than play Effie Trinket. The exuberant, enthusiastic and happy Effie Trinket, who is otherwise known from television. It is so much easier to hide behind this wildly merry mask than to reveal my deepest pain to all of Panem. Most would be happy about my pain anyway because I was a part of the Hunger Games for years. So do I have a choice at all?

When Caesar realizes that I've decided to play along, his body seems to relax a bit. So he must know. I don't let my anger show. Caesar points to the screen and we are forced to watch the events in the arena together.

I know the scene where Katniss shoots an arrow into the forcefield, but the pictures that follow were taken with a shaky camera and poorer picture quality. There is a hole in the sky above the arena, debris falls to the ground and a flock of hovercrafts soar above the tropical trees, blowing their leaves in a strong wind. The sequence was shot from a hovercraft and looks down on the rocky ground near the large thunderstorm tree, which is illuminated and scanned by the hovercraft's bright lights. Individuals sprint through the thicket. A golden trident reflects the light. Peacekeepers rappel down.

"Dangerous insurgents destroyed the arena to kidnap Katniss Everdeen," Caesar explains as the video stops. He has his face turned to the camera and a pitiful smile is on his lips. "They kidnapped the poor girl against her will and are now trying to use her for their own purposes. Our brave Peacekeepers did what they could, but alas, the insurgents managed it, too, to kidnap Finnick Odair and Beetee Latier."

Caesar then turns to Peeta and taps him on the knee. "However, you were very fortunate to be rescued by our Peacekeepers, Peeta. As are Johanna Mason and Enobaria, who are in the safe custody of the Capitol. Unfortunately, their condition is currently not stable."

Peeta nods again. His gaze is still fixed on the screen and all color has drained from his face. Seeing Katniss, even if it's only on one screen, torments him. I find my mask slipping away for a few moments as I look at him. Peeta turns his head and then his eyes meet mine. My pain mirrors his. He's wondering exactly the same thing as me, I can see it on his face. When will this all be over? When will someone finally come to free us from this hell?

Caesar catches our silent exchange, and I can see from the director behind the cameras that he doesn't agree with it at all. The picture on the big monitor changes and now we see District 12. Bombs are raining down on the gray houses and you can see the people running through the streets trying to save themselves being buried under the rubble. My eyes widen and I put my hand over my mouth. I jerk my head over to Peeta, whose eyes are glued to the TV with such intensity that tears well up in my eyes.

"By the time the Capitol arrived, it was already too late," Caesar almost whispers, his merciful voice filling the room and wrapping itself around my throat like a deadly noose. I watch in silence as he pats Peeta on the shoulder. "According to our information, no one survived this betrayal by District Thirteen. Our forces were completely unprepared for such an attack."

I swallow my words while the footage on the monitor changes. They will later use my every word against me. Or even worse: Against Johanna.

A camera recorded the view over an unfamiliar city. Squadrons of planes fly in the sky, firing rockets at brick buildings. In the far distance, several tall towers collapse, creating a cloud of dust. Someone picks up the camera and takes it to the edge of a roof. From there you get a view of a wide street. There are armored vehicles on both sides and people are shooting at each other. White Peacekeepers on one side and a motley group of people on the other. Some of them wear gray uniforms. They're all armed and trying to take down the other side with a hail of bullets.

I was told that Panem was at war. I had imagined it differently, not so real. Not with people who turn off a life without mercy. This isn't right. And yet I can't help feeling the spark of hope in my stomach when a Peacekeeper is hit by a bullet and falls to the ground. For a second, I cringe at my own feelings. Then I realize that with every Peacekeeper dead out there, there's a better chance the rebels will win and get us out of here. If the Capitol wins, they'll kill us all.

After this scene, they turn off the screen and Caesar turns to Peeta expectantly. "Now you've seen what's happening out there. What do you think about it?"

I see Peeta struggling with his answer. His eyes dart from Caesar to the dark monitor and back to him. "Apparently they're using Katniss to goad the rebels. I doubt she even knows what's going on in the war. What's at stake," he finally says with the same callousness that just amazed me. I can hardly believe his words and can't help but stare openly at him. He of all people should know ...

When Caesar asks his question, I realize that this is all staged. They've been rehearsing this with Peeta for a long time. He has no choice, they force him to say those things. "Is there anything you want to tell her?"

"Yes," says Peeta, now directing his gaze directly at the camera. He's trying to get some warmth back in his eyes. "Don't be stupid Katniss! Use your wits! They want to use you as a weapon to destroy humanity. If you really have influence, use it to stop this thing! Stop the war before it's too late! Ask yourself if you can really trust the people you work for! Do you even know what's going on? If not … try to find out."

He calls for a ceasefire. The Capitol wants him to speak out against the war. The rebels must actually harm them if they go so far as to drag him in front of the camera. Then the normal studio lights come on and the happy mask falls off Caesar's face like a snake's dry skin. He nods to his director and stands up. Before I can come to my senses and bolt in Peeta's direction, the Peacekeepers grab me from behind and drag me away.

I call Peeta's name and he finally looks over at me. He jumps up and runs towards me, fear written all over his face now. Miraculously he manages to reach me. His fingers curl around my hand and his eyes bore into mine. "Effie," he falters in confusion. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what's going on."

"It's alright," I lie, but he sees through me immediately. At the other stage opening, more Peacekeepers appear and march in Peeta's direction.

"Katniss ... At least they were able to get her to safety," he says, his voice firmer now, and squeezes my fingers. Then the Peacekeepers have reached him and are tearing him away from me. A startled sound escapes him and his blond hair falls over his forehead. His eyes are wide from all the horrors we just had to watch.

"I'm so sorry, Effie." I'm dragged off the stage and Peeta disappears. This boy is good through and through, even now he's apologizing to me. He can't do anything for my situation or for his own. I doubt Haymitch let the kids in on any of his plans.

"No", I murmur although Peeta's already gone. "I am sorry."

Peeta is alive! Did you like this chapter? Let me know! Thank you for all the positive feedback! :)

Skyllen