Hello everyone and welcome back to chapter three.
I hope you will enjoy this chapter! Please keep in mind, that I'm not a native-speaker. Grammar and spell mistakes might have been overseen. I try my best to get better. At the moment, I'm trying to improve my comma placement in English language. Please feel free to say, if I have improved or what I can do better to make my story more enjoyable!
Now, have fun!
Skyllen
Chapter 3 „Our Deceased Past"
I couldn't sleep although it was in the middle of the night. The blanket was pulled up under my chin and I lay in the bed of my new room which Maryse had escorted me to hours before. Tomorrow, I would get to know the other Shadowhunters with whom I would train together. This will completely backfire, I thought. Still, this wasn't the reason for my missing sleep.
I wasn't able to stop thinking. My brain didn't want to shut down. I thought about my father, the things my mother had accused him of. And I thought about Jonathan. I feared that they would eventually find us here. After all, my father had his spies, who had pledged allegiance to him, everywhere.
Just last night, they had attacked the Institute in Paris, probably because they thought that we had directly gone to the closest Institute to Idris. I swallowed and my stomach felt heavy although I hadn't eaten anything for dinner. Five Shadowhunters had died at the attack. Five glowing lives and I was involved in their deaths even if only in a passive way. I had never killed anyone. Never. Animals yes but not humans. And now there were five bodies at once and it was all my fault.
I didn't know any of them in person of course, but it still discomforted me. With tears in my eyes, I stared into the darkness of my room and remembered the dream that I had last night. It must've had a meaning, none of my past dreams had felt as realistic as this one. The question was, how Jonathan was involved in it. I'd thought about the meaning of the dream all evening but hadn't understood it. Maybe I worried too much, and it had just been a regular dream. Maybe the dream had felt more realistic than usual because I had been exhausted from our trip or from all the events that had happened beforehand.
Only when I woke up the next morning, I realized that I'd eventually fallen asleep at all. The sun was up already, and its bright light fell through the window. The walls of my new room were colored in a light beige, the bed had been covered with a grey sheet extemporary. The mahogany furniture looked archaic but taken care of. Still, the room felt impersonal and cold. As soon as my mother was a hundred percent sure that we'd stay here, I would redesign it. It looked bare and haunted.
Someone must have been in my room while I'd been asleep because a clean Shadowhunter gown laid on the chair. I took it and went to the bathroom to change.
When I entered the corridor some minutes later, it was as empty as yesterday. Although, not completely empty. A grey cat was sitting next to my door as if it was waiting for something … or someone. Its yellow eyes rested on me, and it jumped on its feed when I closed the door behind me. The cat had probably been waiting for me.
„Oh hello", I said and examined the cat as it ran up to me. I've never had a pet, so I kneeled and carefully ruffled the cat's fur. It purred in contentment. "Do you have a message for me?", I asked whereupon the cat stared at me from its murky eyes as if it understood what I had said. And it probably had.
With a smooth movement, the cat sat up and strutted through the corridor. I followed it and together we entered the elevator. Beyond us, the mural paintings appeared again, but I forced myself to walk past them. Just now, I realized how quiet it was. There probably weren't many Nephilim living in the Institute. When we exited the elevator on the first level – well the cat exited smoothly while I stumbled behind it – my stomach contracted, and I felt the fear spreading through my body.
Just now, I realized that in some minutes I would meet the other Shadowhunters. This mysterious cat was probably guiding me directly to them. They will hate me, I thought and my legs started to tremble. My father had taught me everything about battle, weapons and survival but he never taught me how to solve interpersonal conflicts. I'd never spoken to other Nephilim except for Maryse but my mother had done most part of that conversation. How should I show them that I wasn't the person they expected me to be? How should I prove that my intentions weren't evil?
Occasionally, we met other Shadowhunters but all of them too old to train with me. Still, they eyed me as if I just fell from the moon. They probably didn't get newcomers very often here. Or was my ancestry so obvious that they'd directly recognized me? I sighed demotivated.
Panic grew inside my chest. I wasn't ready for this. They would hate me. Only for the reason that Valentine was my father. But maybe I shouldn't judge prematurely, I've never had any contact to other Shadowhunters after all. Maybe they weren't even eager to do me harm.
I swallowed as the cat came to a halt. In front of us, there was a wooden door. I guess this is it, I thought. With my trembling hand I reached for the doorknob. "Must've been a pleasure to meet Church. Don't fall for his charm, he's just a grumpy tomcat. You must be new one." Startled, I turned around.
A boy my age was leaning against the wall. His hair was the goldest blonde that I've ever seen and his eyes, that seemed to be made of liquid gold, dilated for a short moment and then he stared at me, a small smile on his lips. My heart missed a beat.
To my immense frustration, I remained totally silent. No word would escape my lips. Embarrassed, I gaped at him with widened eyes and felt like an idiot. What was going on with me? As soon as he knew my name, he'd stop joking with me.
When the boy saw the look in my eyes, his smile turned into a self-assured grin. He wore a Shadowhunter gear, and one could see parts of his runes at the top end of his shirt as he leaned in my direction. His eyes flashed mischievously. "I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to rattle you through my simple presence. But don't worry, most girls react even worse than you did. Oh, by the way, I'm Jace, Jace Herondale."
Again, I couldn't react. My muscles suddenly seemed as heavy as iron. But it wasn't due to his enormously arrogant words. His name felt like a punch in my stomach. I vaguely remembered my mother's words. I wasn't the only one Valentine fed with angelic blood. Stephen Herondale, Valentine's first officer, died in an attack against vampires. Céline … she was only a young girl, she couldn't bear it. She died shortly after giving birth to a healthy baby-boy. She named him Jonathan, after our Jonathan. Jonathan. Jace. Jace Herondale was Jonathan. This was bad. Really bad.
Again, panic rose in my body. I couldn't tell him my name. He surely knew what had happened. He surely knew whose indirect fault his parents' death was. Slowly, Jace Herondale's expression changed, and he gave me a confused look. "Are you shy? Don't be, I can be very nice when I want to. Although, you seem a little pale around your nose. I hope my perfect appearance isn't the reason! C'mon, tell me your name." He wanted to sound confident but there was a touch of wonder in his voice.
I took a deep breath and tried to slow down my heartbeat. I thought about the plan to stake everything on one card. I forced a smile on my face. "Hi, my name is Cla-"
"Hey, Jace", a voice suddenly called. Both of us turned around. A tall boy with black hair ran towards us and came to a standstill in front of Jace. For a second, he looked at me in curiosity. His neck was full of runes and his eyes of a deep blue. Then he turned to Jace, and I was spared for some more moments. Whatever he'd meant to say would remain a secret, because he directly changed the topic. "Who is she?", he asked Jace, and I narrowed my eyes. It seemed unpolite to me, to talk about someone in third person who stood right beside him. His voice was lower than Jace's.
"Ask her herself", Jace shot back and both of them turned to me. My eyes wandered through the corridor, and I realized that Church was nowhere to be seen. The stupid cat had left me alone. My spirit was gone.
"I'm the new girl", I muttered. "And who are you?" I darted a penetrable look at the boy with the black hair.
He cleared his throat and his face lit up in kindness. "I'm Alec Lightwood. You must've already met my mother yesterday. She just told me, some minutes earlier, that you've arrived yesterday evening." He slightly smiled.
Shyly and unsecure, I returned the smile. "That's right, Maryse showed us around a bit. But I don't know how to find my way around without Church. This place is so different from Idris." I uncertainly viewed him and observed Jace's dissatisfied face-expression. He was probably offended because I was easily talking to Alec and hadn't brought out a single word when he'd talked to me.
"Where's Isabelle?", he asked instead and put on a cool countenance. His eyes wandered over my head into the corridor, as if there was someone standing behind me.
"She's in the kitchen already", Alec mumbled, disinterested. Alec might've been good looking, but he seemed invisible next to Jace. I barely saw Alec. Even when I straightly looked at him, I only saw Jace. I wondered at myself. I probably still feared his reaction when he'd find out my name.
As if he was able to read my thoughts, his eyes met mine with apparent disinterest. "I still want to know your name, or should I call you new girl for the rest of your life?" His question rather sounded like a threat.
I didn't know why, but his arrogant and sudden disinteresting appearance made me furious. I slightly twisted the corner of my mouth, which didn't slip his attention, while the grin on his returned all at once. "My name?" He nodded and Alec watched us in silence. "My name is Clarissa – Clary – Morgenstern." I bit my lip and studied Jace, while the connotation of my name reached his mind.
Alec took a sharp breath and threw a worried gaze at Jace. He must know the truth about Jace's past. Actually, he mustn't know, I thought sadly. Everyone knew my father. The name Morgenstern represented devastation and bloodlust.
Despite all of my presentiments, I wasn't prepared for Jace's reaction. First, he flinched, stepped back, and stared at me with a wild expression. The gold in his eyes had frozen and a moment later, faster than I could blink, he pushed me against the wall, a dagger at my throat. "You dare to show up in a public institution of the Clave?", he hissed, the friendly and funny boy had disappeared.
I didn't dare to move, and just stared at him in shock. His hand pushed my arm behind my back, and I felt the dagger, featherlight and razor-sharp, at my throat. It hurt. But what hurt much more was that he reminded me of Jonathan. This pain was worse than the dagger, which would probably slit my throat. Angrily, I narrowed my eyes.
"Does it hurt?" He squeezed the dagger closer to my skin, but I barely felt anything.
"Jace, stop it", Alec said to my surprise. His voice sounded calm and controlled. "My mother wouldn't let her and her mother stay, if they had bad intentions."
But Jace's rage only seemed to increase. "What does Maryse know?! She could be wrong."
"Let me go", I said and tried to look him in the eyes. "You won't gain anything from killing me, my father's still alive and out there. And if you feel the desire to kill me, you will have the opportunity to do so later." Then I kicked him. As heavy as I could, and at the same spot that my father had taught me. It was strange to use his techniques under these circumstances. Jace stumbled backwards and I used my chance to free my arm. Then, I pushed him away from me with all my power. I turned to the side and stepped backwards.
His eyes rested on me, enraged, but he didn't attack me again. There probably weren't many Nephilim more powerful than him. Fortunately, Alec decided to step in at this moment. "Come with me, Clary. We'll show you, where to get something to eat. I'm sorry he attacked you, but your father-"
I raised my hand and interrupted him. "I know what my father has done", I muttered and gave Jace a regretful look. He took another step back, as if it wasn't safe being too close to me. He flashed at me, I couldn't blame him for it but it still hurt. I'd known that the Shadowhunters would meet me with disgust and anger, but still, I hadn't been prepared for such hostility. I sighed and followed Alec with fast steps but felt Jace's gaze in my back. It was uncomfortable to walk in front of him. Alec stood next to the wooden door, which was open now. He held it open and portended us to enter the room. I nodded in his direction and went through the door, to finally escape Jace's gaze.
The room which I entered was smaller than expected. It consisted of a kitchen and a long table with chairs on both sides of it. And in the middle of the kitchen stood a true beauty. She was very tall for a girl, slim but mesomorphic. One could spot the muscles in her arms, which were covered with black runes. She had a perfect face with long black eyes and wonderful black hair, that curled on her shoulders. She had to be Isabelle, Alec's sister. One could directly tell because they looked very similar. She raised her head, while hearing someone enter the room, but the smile on her lips froze the moment her eyes met my appearance.
"Who is she?" Scorn and annoyance resonated in her voice. Isabelle looked past me, at Alec, who had entered the room after Jace.
Before I had the opportunity to open my mouth, Jace had already preempted me. "She's Clarissa Morgenstern." He literally spat the words in disgust. I tried to ignore him, but when Isabelle screwed up her face, I finally realized that nobody would welcome me here. The way she'd eyed me, when I'd entered the room, just underlined that matter of fact. When it came to her, it probably even had nothing to do with my name or origin. She looked like the kind of girl that didn't want other girls to enter her territory.
"Well … hi Clarissa, my name's Isabelle", she said without acknowledging me at all. She stepped next to Jace, who had sat down on one of the chairs, and patted his back apologetically. "I already had breakfast and left something for you. But I wasn't prepared for a newcomer, so there isn't enough for everybody, sorry." There was no spark of regret in her voice.
I only shrugged my shoulders. "No problem, I'm not hungry anyway", I said calmly. I felt out of place, standing in this kitchen made me completely uncomfortable. Isabelle threw a snappish look in my direction and sat down next to Jace and Alec. She didn't seem to like my answer.
With a sudden creak, the wooden doors opened again and an older man strutted in. He had grey hair and wore a grey suit. "Good morning, my friends", he said with a calming voice and smiled. The others gave him a short nod, then he saw me and walked towards me. "Clary, I'm so happy to finally meet you in person." Surprised, I looked at him as well as the others who watched us stunned. Jace pressed his teeth together and a disgusted sound escaped his lips. "Everything must be so confusing for you, I'm aware of that. My name is Hodge, I'm the tutor of this Institute and will train you from now on." He gave me a beaming smile and put out his hand in a friendly gesture.
I regarded him and then shook his hand, while giving him a haunted smile. After today's chaos, I was totally sure that I would never get used to this. Not after all the hostility of the past half hour. They didn't want me here and I'd accepted that. The name Morgenstern weighed heavily on my shoulders, but I couldn't run away from my destiny.
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