Chapter 5 „Convinced of the Good"

After the meeting in the library, I needed some time alone. I was sitting on one of the roof beams in the training hall, about eight meters above the ground and stared at the roof beam closest to me. It wasn't very comfortable up here but at least there was nobody who could bother me. When I looked down to the blue training pads, I automatically had to think about tomorrow and my next training lesson. There was no way to imagine that I would have to train together with them every day from now on. Until what? Until they finally realized I actually wasn't that bad? I doubted that this moment would ever happen, especially with Jace.

„Hey!", called a voice from down below. I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I winced. In a mixture of surprise and resentment, I lowered my head to see the person who had disturbed me. At first, the only thing I saw was someone completely dressed in black, then I recognized his brown hair. Adam.

Puzzled, I stared down at him. "What do you want?"

Adam started to grin and ran his fingers through his hair. "To be honest, I don't know. I saw you earlier when you rushed out of the library. And I heard what you said to your mother." He paused and shrugged. "About the others and that you had a rather rough day."

Adam stood in the doorframe and was leaning against the wall. He looked at me with widened eyes, he had stopped grinning during his speech. "Okay", I said, unsure what to say at all. "But this doesn't really explain what you're doing here right now, does it?" I crossed my arms and leaned backwards to balance my weight on the beam.

"You have to understand that Jace's past is a topic he never discusses", he said and moved closer. "He knows what happened with his family and when someone wants to speak about it, he is quick in making you understand that the topic is a taboo issue. Your attendance in the Institute forces him to face his past. Every time he sees you, he'll be reminded of your father and what he did, it's understandable of course. And Isabelle and Alec will always follow Jace, they're his siblings. Only adopted of course."

I nodded. "You're probably right. I barely know him, any of them. I don't want him to suffer because of me but there was no other option for us. We had to come here. And I understand his pain, I really do but the thought that I'll have to see them every day … They'll make me feel horrible every day." With a smooth jump, I broke away from the roof beam and a second later, my feet touched the training pad. I didn't know why I told him about my feelings. It was weak and he was a stranger. Maybe because he was a stranger … It made it easier somehow.

"Maybe the wound you caused will heal some time. I can't tell, nobody can", Adam answered. He came to a halt next to the pads and examined me. "I'm here because I have no bound to Jace. We're friends somehow but I don't feel the horror he feels. I'm able to see you, Clary. A girl who fled her father for a reason. This might sound weird, but I want to give you a chance because I believe that everyone deserves one."

His words made me look up in astonishment. Now, he left me speechless. "Thank you, Adam. This honors me, really, but it wouldn't benefit your relationship to Jace." I couldn't imagine being friends with Adam. He seemed friendly sure but … I couldn't tell what bothered me. His whole appearance … The way he followed me … The way he talked behind Jace's back.

"Don't let it trouble you", he said and smiled. "Our relationship was difficult anyway. I'm not saying that I don't like him, but the Lightwoods keep to themselves mostly."

"The Lightwoods? But Jace isn't a Lightwood." Questioning, I raised my eyebrow.

"Yeah, I know that but he's part of their family", Adam explained and shrugged. "His grandmother is the Inquisitor, but after the death of Stephen Herondale, her son, she was too happy to have the Lightwoods raise Jace. She sees him often enough, but her hatred for Valentine ate her up."

I looked at him and didn't know what to say. It seemed to be a rather harsh opinion about Jace's grandmother. "Thank you, Adam. For your … offer. To be honest, I don't believe it would be a good idea to be friends with me. I'm a Morgenstern after all."

Adam laughed and nodded slowly. "I know who you are and I can image that it's hard to open yourself to others. As your mother told me earlier, you've never met other Shadowhunters. You've never experienced a friendship and the responsibilities which come along with it-"

"You don't know anything", I hissed in irritation. "Don't act like you know me or my family."

Adam raised his hands in a calming manner. "Yes, you're right of course. I didn't mean to enrage you, I'm sorry. What I mean is- Give me a chance, Clary. Give me a chance to be your friend and if you don't like it, then I'll stop immediately. Just give me one chance."

My eyes cut away from him and wandered through the room. I didn't want to look at this nice guy with the pretty face. The anger was gone but he was right: I didn't know anything about friendship. I didn't know anything about social interaction at all. With a sigh, I met his eyes again. "One chance", I responded and instantly knew that this would be enough to convince me of Adam. He already looked like a very friendly and dedicated man, probably very influencing too. My father had always warned us not to trust the decidedly friendly ones.

A smile spread on Adams face, and he moved a step closer. "You'll see", he said and beckoned me over. "Are you hungry?"

His question took me off guard. "Hungry?" Now that he had reminded me of food, I actually felt my empty stomach contract of hunger. "I'm starved."

"Me too, let's go to the kitchen. Come on." Adam was already standing in the doorframe and glanced at me. Slowly, my feet followed him into the hallway. I still didn't know what to think about this. We will find out soon, I guessed.

"So you've already met the others?", Adam asked as we walked through the corridor. "I heard you talking to your mother about it earlier in the library."

"Yeah", I stated and tried not to let him notice that his slow pace deeply annoyed me. "Jace seemed nice enough at first but was eager to know my name and when I finally told him … I couldn't lie, if I had he would've been even more furious. He hates me for the felonies my father has committed." The irony of my words was unmistakable.

For a moment, it seemed as if he was thinking about something but a second later, he turned his head in my direction and gave me a smile. "How about we get something to eat, and you tell me the whole story?"

"The whole story?" I hesitated and for the first time, I had to keep pace with him. "What story?"

"The story of your life, I guess", Adam answered carefully. "Shouldn't friends know something about each other? I'm not expecting a full-detailed story but some facts at least. I'm just curious about you. Get to know a Morgenstern is rare these days."

"We'll see", I said. "Depends on the questions you have."

Together we entered the golden elevator which took us to the first floor. Adam guided me through long corridors and sometimes drew my attention to special exhibits, like old weaponry which had belonged to great warriors once. When he showed me a painting, I came to a halt. It showed Alicante, the Demontowers were unmistakable and seemed to be glowing even in the painting. The picture mesmerized me so much that Adam had to raise his voice to bring me back to the present.

"What's the matter?", he asked and eyed me curiously.

"I like painting", I admitted and moved closer to the piece of art. "I never got the chance to pursue my passion because my father disapproved it. In his eyes, it had no adding value for my training. One cannot kill somebody with a brush, was his main argument." I tried to replicate my father's voice as good as possible.

"I'm sorry", he said after a while of silence. "We could surely provide you with the right tools here, you could start to draw if you like."

I gave him a surprised look. "Do you really think this would be possible? But even when I had the right tools, I could never paint as my mother. She is an artist, my father allowed her to paint."

Adam shrugged. "What does it matter? You never had the chance to take lessons, how could you be better than her? I don't think it matters whether you have a talent for it, as long as you enjoy doing it."

"If my father could hear you", I said, shook my head and smiled. "He would probably behead you. When my brother or I weren't able to manage a task as perfect as he demanded us to, we had to practice as long as it took us to master it. No excuses."

"So you're probably the best Shadowhunter in the world", he joked, and a smirk appeared on his face.

"Yes, I probably am", I said with pure severity in my voice. Why should I hide it from him? It was the truth.

My words made the smirk disappear, and he gave me a look from the side. "Is it true that he drilled you to be emotionless killers? It's a rumor that goes around."

"He trained us to be better than ordinary Nephilim could ever be. My brother and I passed through a special training which is much more detailed, time-consuming and exhausting than the training you receive from the Clave", I explained, and watched him turning paler with every word I said. "I think I have trained for every single day in my life."

"Wow", he mumbled after a while. "He must be very pissed that you're gone. Spending years to fit you for his plan, and now you just pack your bags and leave." Somehow his thoughts brought the smile back on his face.

I remained silent. Now, that he had put it in a nutshell like this, I suddenly realized that it was completely true. He had spent years to teach us all the things we had to know. All the time he invested had in me, all this time was worthless now.

I kept silent until we arrived at the kitchen. "Come on." Adam didn't hesitate, and directly disappeared through the leaf doors. For a moment, I indecisively stood in front of the door, and thought about today's morning. Even if any of them was behind this door, it wouldn't matter because Adam wanted me to be here. It didn't matter what Jace would think. When I perceived the sound of clattering dishes, my hunger piped up again. And the hunger was stronger than my fear of Jace Herondale, wasn't it? I slowly entered the kitchen and was relieved to find that neither Jace nor anyone else was there. Only Adam was here.

He stood next to the refrigerator, smiling at the sight of something. "Someone has to get new food", he said, and his head disappeared as he bended forward. Utensils were laying on the counter behind him, and he balanced two plates in his left hand. "But we'll find something eatable."

I watched him curiously and sat down on a bar chair which stood in front of the counter. Adam closed the refrigerator with different groceries in his hand. "Okay, since this is your first time in New York, I'm going to cook you one of our specialties. Just lean back, watch me and let yourself be surprised!"

And his words actually made me laugh. "Now, I'm truly curious about the outcome", I said, and watched him prepare the groceries. There was salad, funny-looking bread, thin slices of meat which looked odd to me, sauces in plastic containers and a colorful bag of frozen … potatoes which were also very funny-looking.

"You seem … experienced in cooking", I noticed as he went to the sink to wash the salad.

Adam nodded absently. Small water drops flew over his hands. "That's probably because I had to play babysitter for my younger siblings when I still lived in Toronto. My parents are very busy Shadowhunters and travel a lot." The story didn't seem to displease him. I couldn't imagine him being a big brother. Immediately, I had to think of Jonathan.

"How many siblings do you have?", I asked, and instantly felt bad for my curiosity.

Adam didn't seem to mind it and smiled when he returned to the counter. "Three", he said in a sigh. "The eldest is sixteen and the youngest seven."

"That sounds … very exhausting", I concluded.

He laughed and shook his head with a smile on his face while he cut the salad. "Mostly yes, but they're good kids. We have very much fun together. It felt good to be a person others look up to."

"Why did you leave then? I mean, you moved to New York, didn't you?"

"When a Shadowhunter attains full age, one gets the opportunity to move around the world for some years or settle down in another Institute. Mostly, it's intended for the teenagers living in Alicante because they rarely get in touch with the mundane world, but others who already live in an Institute can participate as well. That's the reason why I moved to New York. I actually wanted to move to the Institute in Shanghai, but my Mandarin was far from good-enough." A nervous laugh escaped his lips, and I had so smile as well.

While Adam continued to prepare the meal, he called specialty, I wandered around the kitchen. I could use this moment to get to know the kitchen. It would be useful for future breakfasts or diners when Adam wasn't around to cook something for me. There were mostly dishes in the kitchen shelves, others were filled with instant-meals and seasonings. My hand already grasped for the next shelf when Adam's voice tried to stop me. But it was too late. The moment my fingers closed around the grip, the shelf took off its hinges. The bolts that had been supposed to keep door and shelf together loosened themselves. The shelf's door fell on the ground with a loud bang.

"By the angel, what-" The quick occurrence had surprised me so much that I jumped backwards, startled, directly into Adam.

"This is the shelf nobody ever opens", he filled the silence with words and stepped aside.

Embarrassed, my eyes cut away and I flushed. My cheeks were glowing, and I had to turn my head away. "I'm sorry", I uttered, and lifted the loosen door from the ground.

"Somebody will have to repair this now", he noticed, smirked and turned to the counter again. "It won't be us, though. Just put it aside, somewhere where it's clearly visible but doesn't bother us."

Laughing, I put the door away and eyed the open shelf on the wall with certain amusement. "This can't be overlooked", I pointed out. "There is a huge open shelf, with no door!" Both of us laughed, and suddenly I realized that it actually felt very good. Spending time with Jonathan had been fun, but this right here was something new, and although I had felt rather unsure about this an hour ago, I knew that this friendship would do me good. This was what I needed.

"Keep calm, Morgenstern", Adam said without looking at me. His eyes were fixed on the meat slices which were roasting in a pan.

"How did you just call me?" With narrowed eyes, I threw him a look.

Stunner flashed over Adam's face, but he quickly recovered and finally raised his head. The meat was sizzling in the pan and its smell let my mouth water in hunger. "I didn't mean it as an insult. It's just the New York slang, you know. They often call each other by their surnames", he quickly explained and shrugged his shoulders.

With a sigh, I leaned against the counter. "I want to see the city", I said. "New York, it looks so beautiful and I've never seen anything like this. It somehow reminds me of Alicante." Longing resonated in my voice.

Adam's eyes widened. "You've been in Alicante?"

"No", I was fast to answer. "Never. My father didn't allow it. Sometimes we were allowed to take a look from afar. I'd never forget the sight of Alicante."

He nodded but remained silent. Some minutes later he served me a hot plate. "And here we have a classic hamburger with french-fries and ketchup!" He beamed at me in pride. The hamburger consisted of a toasted top and bottom of white bread with a slice of meat, lettuce and red sauce in between. Steaming potatoes in a long thin shape were prepared alongside. I had never eaten anything similar before. So far, I had always eaten fresh produce from our garden, as well as meat, milk and bread. Simple foods, nothing that looked as complicated as this burger. But the scent was overwhelming. It smelled hearty and sweet at the same time and yet completely different.

"Taste it", Adam suggested while dipping the French-fries in the red sauce. Slowly, I copied him. And he was right, it tasted absolutely fantastic. Now, that I had a taste of it, I couldn't get enough. The plate was empty soon enough, and my stomach felt full and heavy.

"It's awesome but we don't eat such stuff every day. The mundanes call it fast food", he explained while taking the last bite of his burger. "Not the healthiest of all meals, but it was important that you tried it. You can try something else then, when I show you New York."

At his words, I raised my head. "You want to show me New York?"

Adam nodded and carried our plates to the sink. "Of course, someone has to show it to you. Who knows how much time you have until the Clave orders you to Alicante."

Again, he took me off guard. "What do you think, how long do I have until they'll ask us to come?"

He heard the fear in my voice and gave me a warm smile. "I don't know what your father told you about the Clave, but you don't have to worry. There are laws which they'll have to stick to. You arrived yesterday which means that they were probably told about you today. I'm not sure, but a couple of days, maybe three until you'll receive an invitation."

I knew that they had to stick to their laws, but we weren't just anybody, we weren't ordinary criminals. We were Valentine Morgenstern's family. I tried to imagine myself in their position. What would I do? If I was the Consul or Inquisitor, I wouldn't kill me or my mother, especially not my mother because she was one of them once, she could be argued with. I would question us with the Soul-Sword, and after I had all the important information … I didn't know what I would do then. A sigh escaped my lips.

"Now, that we're done eating, I'll show you another place here in the Institute. I'm sure you'll like it. Come on." Adam's words interrupted my thoughts and brought me back to the present. This wasn't the time to think about the future. I could only wait.

With quick steps, I followed Adam into the hallway. "Tell me where we're going", I demanded with a soft voice while I tried to keep pace with him. He'd finally learned to move faster. We entered the elevator, and I glanced at his face. He seemed determined to remain silent about it. A mystical smile played around his lips and his green eyes flashed amused. "And why should I tell you?"

"Because", I began, and emphasized the word's pronunciation. "I barely know you. You could be an enemy taking advantage of my trust." A light smile appeared on my lips, I couldn't hide it.

Adam snorted. In this moment, the elevator's door slid open, and a dark corridor appeared behind it. I studied Adam who entered the hallway and ran his fingers through his hair. His back was turned on me. With a quick glance into the blackness, I followed him as he stepped further into the dark until I could barely see his figure.

"Adam?" My voice echoed through the corridor, but I lost sight of him. "It was only a joke, right?" If my words had hurt him, he was a very silly guy. I never joked, I felt that it didn't suit me, but I'd tried it anyway. And now he seemed to be offended by it. "This isn't funny", I repeated when I got no answer. "Don't act like a child, Adam." Noiseless, I grabbed the dagger at my belt and balanced it between my fingers. Better safe than sorry. One of my father's advices.

I heard a hoarse laugh from afar, and then I was suddenly blinded by light. When my eyes got used to the brightness, I recognized Adam five meters further with a stele in his hand. He had activated the witchlights. A sigh escaped my lips. Only now I noticed the fresh smell. "Wow", I whispered in astonishment. "This place is beautiful." We were standing in a huge garden that reminded me of a greenhouse. There were plants everywhere. The scent alone was breathtaking.

"See, I was right", Adam said and beckoned me to follow him. Together we walked between different types of flowers and grasses towards a tree that must have been ten meters high. Its leaves flourished in a dark-green tone. Someone had built a staircase which convolved around the tree to another level.

I took a deep breath, trying to inhale the scent forever. This was like a small part of Idris just in the middle of New York. A wave of nostalgia wanted me to return to Idris, but I knew that even if I returned, it would never be how it had been once. Especially now, I had to remain strong. I turned to Adam and smiled.

To my surprise, he seemed to be overcome with his own memories. I could see it in his eyes. The way he fixed a point in the distance, although there was nothing to see there. The way he clutched his fingers to a fist. Gently, I touched his forearm. "This place is very lovely. I didn't even know something like this existed at all." I tried to sound calm and casual, but I could feel my fingers trembling.

Adam seemed to wake up from his trance and looked down at me. His green eyes flashed in confusion, but his face expression recovered quickly. "New York is one of the few places outside Idris. And you're right, this is a lovely place."

Thoughts? What do you think about Adam? Please let me know what you think about this chapter, I would be happy about a review. Merry Christmas guys, happy new year. We see us for a new chapter in 2020!

Skyllen :)