Authors Note- Chapter was partially inspired by the song 'The Night We Met' By Lord Huron
Also I forgot to include a disclaimer. Not mine. Enjoy!
Chapter 3
The Night we Met
Remus Lupin's hands shook as he reached the door of number 12 Grimmald Place. He stood on the top step for a long moment. He wanted to open the door and find Sirius standing there. He wanted to see his eyes shine again. He wanted to hear the barking laughter fill the empty house.
Remus took a shaky breath and opened the door. As he stepped into the dark hall, he kept his eyes down. He did not want to look around the dark house. He knew how much Sirius had hated this house. His 'second prison' as he called it. Despite that this was the place they had spent this last year together. This is the place they had reconnected to each other.
Remus removed his tattered traveling cloak and draped it over his arm. Running a still shaking hand through his honey-colored hair he took the first steps up the stairs. He walked as quietly as he could, not wanting to set off the painting of Walburga. It was the last thing he needed today.
When Remus reached Sirius bedroom door he paused again. He knew the room was empty. He knew the whole house was empty. Dumbledore had said that he wasn't sure about returning to the house for Order meeting for a while. Still, he pulled his wand from his pocket and pushed the door open. As expected, the room was empty. Sirius' bed was in disarray. Clothing was piled up on a chair in the corner. A stack of books, parchment and other odds and ends sat on the small desk. The wardrobe stood slightly open. It was all just so Sirius. The walls still held the same things they had when Sirius was a teen. Lots of Gryffindor banners, pictures of half-dressed women leaning on motorcycles, and photos of the Marauders.
Remus walked to the desk that sat under a dirty window. The light was low in the room but enough to see by. He reached down and looked at the papers. There were notes Sirius had taken after Order meetings. His memory had been slowly improving over the last year, but it was a far-cry from what it had been before Azkaban. Sirius had obviously taken several books from the Black library. Remus could tell that the books had been from their Christmas study session with Harry and his friends. Books ranging from wandless magic to Animagus to wizarding law.
Remus turned away from the desk and walked over to the bed. He sat down on the edge and ran his hand over the soft sheets. Remus had given them to Sirius for Christmas. They were the same grey as his eyes. Sirius had been complaining about all the bedding smelling like the old house. Remus reached over and picked up one of the pillows on the bed and hugged it to his chest. He lowered his face into the pillow and breathed in deep. The smell of Sirius filled his nose. His sensitive werewolf nose had been able to smell Sirius' scent since he walked into the house. But the pillow was only his scent mixed with his own. A choked sob ripped from his lips as he clung onto the pillow tighter. Tears spilled down Remus' face as a million memories filled his mind.
Remus thought about the night he met Sirius.
-Memory-
Remus sat quietly on the Hogwarts express. He kept waiting for someone to say he wasn't allowed to be here. He thought perhaps his father would burst into the empty compartment and tell him that there had been a mistake, and he was going to have to go home. Back to hiding, back to being locked in the cellar every full moon, back to the loneliness. No one came. He continued to sit alone in the compartment as the train began to move. He took the first of many deep breaths that night. He was going to be at least allowed to get to Hogwarts.
There was a loud commotion in the hallway and the door to the compartment slammed open. Two boys tumbled in landing on the floor. Remus watched and the boys yelled at one another. Remus didn't want to get involved in a fight. Perhaps the boys were from different houses.
"Get off" The boy on the bottom said. His untidy black hair seemed to stand up in the back and Remus could see that he wore glasses.
"Nope. Not until you agree." The boy on top said. He had long wavy black hair. Remus couldn't see his face as he looked down at the boy he was now pinning to the floor.
"No." Grumbled the one on the bottom.
Remus watched carefully. Then The boy on top seemed to notice him. His bright grey eyes locked with his. His face split into a wide grin. Remus didn't know what to do but he seemed trapped in that look.
"Fine, looks like we have landed in an occupied compartment." The boy on top said looking back down.
He slowly climbed up and then extended his hand to the boy on the floor. When they were both standing, they turned to Remus and eyed him curiously.
"What do you think James, Hufflepuff?" The boy with the long hair said to the one with glasses.
"Na, look he's already reading on the way to school. Definitely a Ravenclaw." James said with an arrogant little smirk.
Remus didn't know what to say. So, he just sat there for a moment waiting to see what would happen next. He really wanted to make some friends, now that he was finally able to go to school. But he was so afraid that he would be rejected or that someone would find out his secret. Deciding to be brave he stood up and extended his hand.
"I'm Remus Lupin." He said with confidence.
The Boy with glasses stepped forward.
"Hello, I'm James Potter." James said with less attitude than he had made the last remark.
Remus took his hand and gave it a quick shake.
"Well, aren't you both so formal and respectable. I'm Sirius Black." Sirius said with a roll of his eyes and did not extend his hand.
Remus just nodded. He had heard of both the Black's and the Potter's and now understood the fighting. The Black family was a very dark family. Where the Potter's were definitely light. Both families were old wealthy pureblood families. These boys couldn't be more different from Remus if they tried. Remus took a deep breath and returned to his seat. He opened his book and didn't attempt to look back up at the boys.
A moment later Remus was surprised when he heard one of them sit down across from him. He didn't look up. But just as that happened Remus was shocked when he felt the other land in the seat next to him very close. Just as Remus went to look up, an arm draped over his shoulders. Suddenly he had long black hair brushing up against his cheek as the boy looked down at the book he was reading.
"Potions for play" Sirius Read out loud.
He pulled away from Remus and laughed in a loud bark of laughter.
"School for fun huh? Your right James he is a Ravenclaw." Sirius said with a smirk to his friend.
Remus raised his head now and looked at James sitting across from him. He had his arms folded in front of him and a matching smirk.
Remus felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. He had only been on the train for half an hour, was he already meeting bullies?
"Um..." Remus said slowly clearing his throat.
Both boys turned their attention to him. Remus brought up the ball of courage again. He wanted to make friends. Even if these boys were unlikely, he didn't want to start at school with enemies or bullies.
"I'm not a Ravenclaw. I'm a first year, I haven't been sorted yet. This book is actually kind of fun. The potions are all fun things you can do for entertainment or playing pranks." Remus said, keeping his eyes on James.
At the word pranks James' eyes lit up.
"Really, what kind of pranks?" James asked.
Sirius put his arm back around Remus and began reading allowed parts from the book he found interesting. Much of the train ride was spent talking about great pranks they could all pull at Hogwarts together. Remus didn't know how to feel about the sudden inclusion into this group. But as they were joined by another boy who was apparently hiding from some older students, they all planned like they would be together forever and like they had known each other forever. Although they didn't even know what house they would go to yet.
-End Memory-
Remus Laughed at the memory and then let out another gut-wrenching sob.
He and Sirius had been so close in those early years. They both felt like they didn't belong. Sirius had a hard home life and Remus had "medical problems". They would often confide in one another. In Second year when they had cornered Remus in an empty classroom to inform him, they knew he was a werewolf. They had all been so reassuring that they didn't mind and that they would do whatever they could to help him. Sirius had swung his arm over his shoulder as they walked back to the common room that night and whispered in his ear that they were going to become animagi. Remus had nearly burst into tears. Realizing just how true his friendship was with all of them. But Sirius didn't mention the shine in his eyes, and he gave his shoulder a tight squeeze before he let his arm drop. It had meant the world to Remus that he wasn't losing his friends to his condition. That it was, bringing them all closer together.
Remus pulled his tear-stained face from the pillow. He looked up at the pictures on the wall above the bed. There were pictures of all of them. Sirius had scratched out peter's face in several. There were a few of just Sirius and James. Mostly in Quidditch gear. Broad grins on both of their faces. There were several of just himself and Sirius too. One was in a frame next to the bed. It had been taken by Lily just before they went into hiding. The photo had been taken at Sirius' flat. Remus was sitting on the arm of Sirius' chair. As the wizarding photo moved Sirius, grabbed him around the waist and pulled him into his lap. Remus face filled with a dark blush and their eyes met and then they looked into the camera and smiled Sirius face got slightly closer and pecked Remus on the cheek and then the cycle started again.
Remus felt new tears work their way down his cheeks. He and Sirius had started dating towards the end of their seventh year. Only their closest friends knew. Remus was very shy and although he felt deeply for Sirius the war was only getting worse. The more people knew about you the more they had to use against you.
Remus had watched for years as James had pursued Lily. First it was teasing and picking on Severus. It had all been very childish and as they got older the grudge between James and Severus only grew. Lily had held strong by her friendship with Severus through all the bullying. She thought that they all needed to grow up. As things got more political and the war got worse, things between Lily and Severus became strained. Lily had eventually broken off their friendship after a prank by the Marauders and a particularly rude comment by Severus. Lily had confided in him later that she didn't want to break off their friendship, but she was starting to worry about both of their safety. She worried about her safety because of the boys Severus was starting to hang out with. She worried about Severus' Safety when it came to the Marauders.
Remus had also watched as Sirius shamelessly flirted with just about everyone in the school. Sirius was effortlessly handsome, charismatic, and charming. While he went on dates all the time, he never seemed to be very attached to anyone. He had an unyielding loyalty to his friends. When they discovered his Animagus form was a dog they didn't find it at all surprising. That any of them had ever thought for a moment that Sirius had betrayed the Potters was unbelievable. The fact that everyone had believed it without question for years was heartbreaking.
Remus' mind drifted as he recalled the day Sirius had asked him out. It had been a strange day.
-Memory-
Remus sat at a table in the library. He had been cramming for NEWTs for what felt like days. He wasn't even sure the last time he had slept…or eaten anything. He just wanted to do well. Life was going to be hard outside of Hogwarts. Employment was nearly impossible for a werewolf and with the war coming, Remus wanted to be prepared. Remus lifted his head as a large hand landed in the middle of the book he was reading.
"What are you doing, Padfoot?" Remus grumbled as he glared at Sirius over his shoulder.
"Taking you for a break. I haven't seen you in days. Come on, let's hit the kitchens and then will take a walk. That big brain of yours needs food and fresh air." Sirius said in a somewhat serious tone. His eyes moved away from Remus then scanned the library.
Remus also scanned the library to see if he could tell what Sirius was looking for. He only noticed other students studying for finals. With a sigh he closed his book and tucked it into his bag. He stood and looked expectantly at Sirius.
Sirius looked nervous. Remus was instantly on alert. Something was wrong. Remus had never seen Sirius act so out of character.
Sirius nodded without a word and led them out of the library. They walked in silence down to the kitchens. Remus was becoming worried. Sirius was wiping what he assumed were sweaty palms on his pants and he kept glancing over at Remus.
When they reached the kitchens, Sirius told him not to sit down. Remus watched as the elves handed Sirius a basket of food and then Sirius strode back past Remus and out the door. Remus looked around briefly and then followed. Remus had to nearly jog to keep up with the pace they were walking. Remus anxiety continued to climb. Maybe this had something to do with the Order of the Phoenix. They had just been invited to join upon graduation and had agreed. Maybe Sirius was worried about that or the war. Maybe something had happened to one of their friends. By the time Sirius had reached the grounds Remus was nearing a panic attack.
"Siri?" Remus' voice was shaky as he called out.
Sirius immediately stopped walking and turned to face Remus. Sirius set down the basket and walked over to stand in front of Remus. Sirius raised his hands and grasped Remus's arms gently just above the elbow.
"Remy you're shaking." Sirius said with concern in his grey eyes.
"Siri, What's wrong? Is someone hurt? Has something happened?" Remus voice came out as a horse whisper, searching Sirius' face for a hint.
Sirius cocked his head to the side reminding Remus of Padfoot. Then a slow soft smile crept onto his face.
Remus felt his heart slow from its panicked state. Then it began to speed up again. It had become very difficult to be this close to Sirius recently. It had been part of the reason He had spent so much time in the library instead of studying in the common room. He wanted to pull away from Sirius. At the same time, he longed to lean into the touch. He chose to stand still and wait.
Sirius smile grew and a soft laugh broke from his lips.
"Sorry Remy, I didn't mean to worry you. Everyone is fine. Everything is fine, at least no more screwed up then it was yesterday." Sirius said with a small smirk.
"You can't worry about everything. You're starting to get greys." Sirius teased.
Remus rolled his eyes.
"You know that has nothing to do with worrying." Remus said returning the smirk.
Sirius faced changed when Remus smirked. His eyes seemed to linger on Remus' mouth for a moment. Remus felt like he stopped breathing at that moment.
"You're shaking again, Moony." Sirius half whispered.
Remus was having a hard time speaking. So, he settled for a slight nod.
Sirius seemed to steal himself with a deep breath and then looked right into Remus' eyes.
"Remus, I don't want to mess up our friendship…" the words hung between them for a moment and then Sirius right hand left Remus elbow. Remus looked away from Sirius towards the forest. Remus heart felt like it was shattering. He wanted to run away from Sirius.
Sirius knew, and he was rejecting him. Remus' mind kept repeating it over and over.
Just as Remus made to pull away a hand came up and cupped his cheek. Remus' looked back at Sirius just in time to see him lean in. Remus closed his eyes as he felt Sirius' soft lips push against his.
For a long moment they stood there. The kiss never getting more intense yet neither pulled away.
Remus could feel a light tremble running through Sirius. He slowly pulled away and locked eyes with Sirius. Remus felt very confused for a moment. Hadn't Sirius just said he didn't want to ruin their friendship? What did Sirius want from this?
Remus took Sirius' hand that had fallen away from his arm and just held it for a moment. He waited while Sirius decided what he wanted to say.
"Um…Remy?" Sirius said hesitantly.
Remus looked back at Sirius. Sirius looked scared. Remus gave a gentle squeeze to his hand.
"It's okay Sirius. You're ok." Remus tried to reassure.
Sirius looked down and shook his head. His long wavy hair swaying back and forth. With a deep breath he looked back at Remus. There was determination in his eyes.
"Remus…Would you…Um…would you go out with me?" Sirius gestured vaguely back at the basket that had been forgotten.
Remus raised an eyebrow. His eyes flicked from the basket to the obviously nervous boy in front of him. The pieces began to fit together. The whole thing had been a set-up. Sirius was taking him on a date. Remus just hadn't known it yet. But why was Sirius so nervous? He had asked out plenty of dates.
"Why are you so nervous? It's not like this is the first time you've asked someone out. You are shaking worse than I was earlier." Remus said as he raised a comforting hand and lightly ran it down Sirius' arm.
Sirius smirked as his eyes followed Remus' hand on his arm.
"Because I mean it this time." Sirius said in a rough whisper.
Remus would have missed the words without his more sensitive hearing. Remus just waited and listened while he continued to rub Sirius' arm.
"I don't just want a date. I want us to be together. I've never really wanted more than a date or two with anyone. I…I really like you Remy." Sirius said with a sweet smile. His grey eyes danced with joy and mischief and hope.
Remus swallowed hard. He felt like he was having some kind of strange dream. This couldn't be real.
"I…I…Um…" Remus stammered.
Some of the light dimmed in Sirius' eyes. He leaned a little away from Remus.
"I'm sorry. I…I guess I just didn't read the situation right." Sirius gave a joyless laugh.
"Not the first time. Well…um. We've got food. We should probably still eat before you head back to studying." Sirius said, his tone a forced carelessness. He shook his head and walked away from Remus towards the basket.
Remus could only hear his own heart pounding in his ears. He hadn't been able to come up with the words and Sirius had thought he was turning him down. Remus mind raced. No. No. No. This was not turning out this way. He summoned his Gryffindor bravery and marched over to Sirius.
"Padfoot!" Remus shouted as he chased him.
Remus reached out a hand and grabbed Sirius' arm. As Sirius turned around Remus reached up and slid his hand over Sirius' cheek and then into his long locks. Holding the back of his head he pulled Sirius to him. Their lips crashed into a more heated kiss than their first. Sirius didn't respond right away but slowly he began to kiss back. Remus dropped Sirius' arm and slid his arm around Sirius' back and pulled him closer. Sirius responded by wrapping his arms around Remus.
A moment later they broke the kiss, and both gasped for breath. Remus leaned his forehead against Sirius'.
"I really care about you too." Remus whispered, with a slight smirk.
"Yeah?" Sirius said a little breathlessly.
"Yeah. How about that date?" Remus replied with a little laugh.
-End Memory-
Remus smiled at the memory. Things had been so easy back then. Once they had been out of Hogwarts and the war was at its worst, it had become so difficult. Their relationship was difficult, their jobs, their lives.
Since Sirius had escaped Azkaban things had become even more complicated. Sirius had been on the run for nearly two years before Voldemort's come back and they had landed at Grimmald Place. Sirius Had come to Remus' parent's small cottage a few times but he could never stay long. He had been staying near Hogwarts all of Harry's fourth year and Remus had been away a lot looking for work. And sorting through a lot of emotions about Sirius not being guilty and having met Harry and Peter still being alive. It had all been too much and he had run away.
Once Sirius had settled in at Grimmald Place. At least as much as he probably ever was going to, he had invited Remus to come and stay with him. Dumbledore had Order members coming and going at all hours. But Sirius wanted Remus there with him. Now the place once again sat empty, and Remus' heart felt empty too.
They had never formally broken up or gotten back together. Remus really didn't know what they had been this last year. They had slowly gotten to know one another again. Sirius Talked about the old days. He talked as much as he could about his time in Azkaban. He talked about being on the run and his hopes and fears. He talked about wanting Harry to be with him. With them. Sirius had wanted them to be a proper family for Harry. Remus mostly talked about all the things Sirius had missed. All the things that had happened in a world that Sirius had been completely cut off from.
They often sat in the middle of the night on Sirius's bed and looked through old photo albums that had been saved from Sirius flat. A few boxes of personal items had been packed and shrunk down by Dumbledore after Sirius had gone to Azkaban. He had given them back to Sirius when they had opened Grimmald. Dumbledore said he had kept them initially to look through as evidence of his involvement with the death eaters and then with all the chaos that happened, he had simply forgotten that he even had them.
Remus had noted over his time there that Sirius had obviously opened the boxes over time. Maybe too emotional over their possible contents. Or perhaps as something to entertain himself. Remus had noticed his old leather jacket hanging in the wardrobe a few months ago. He also knew that Sirius had given Harry the mirror at Christmas.
Remus briefly looked around the bed and over to the desk, but he didn't see the mirror. He must have had it when…
Remus choked back another sob. He felt so unbelievably broken. He loved Sirius. He had for a very long time, and he had already lost him once. He could still hear Harry's screams for Sirius. He had held Harry back from trying to follow Sirius through the veil. He had seen the spell hit Sirius. It didn't look major. Something like a stunner. But the force had him stumbling back and then Sirius had just vanished.
Remus let out a long sigh. He stood and wiped his eyes. He opened the drawer of the nightstand and withdrew a large stack of letters. They were between him, and Sirius and he didn't want anyone to find them. He took another glance around the room and left.
Remus returned home feeling exhausted. The full moon was only a few days away and all the emotional turmoil was making it so much worse. It felt as if the wolf inside him was trying to claw his way out looking for his mate. When Remus had lost Sirius to Azkaban, he had a year of the worst full moons of his life. He suspected even with the possibility of wolfsbane this time, things that were already difficult were about to get worse. Everything else in their world was currently getting worse. His personal life was no exception.
Remus set about making tea and collapsing into his favorite old armchair. He took a deep breath and opened the latest book he was reading. He just needed to get his mind off of everything for a little while. The smell of Sirius clung to his clothes from holding the pillow. It was a comfort.
Meanwhile in the woods overlooking the clearing that The Lupin cottage sat. A pair of large eyes watched the house intently. Large paws itched to charge, and pointed ears strained for noise from the cabin. He would wait. He would watch.