Author's Note: Princess Zelda's appearance here will be a cross between her incarnations from "Breath of the Wild" and "Tears of the Kingdom," where she actually looks like a fighter and in clothing that would probably be more appropriate for a battle scenario as opposed to some fancy dress.
The same will go for Impa here. Her appearance is inspired by her "Skyward Sword" incarnation, where she actually looks like a fighter, as opposed to her earlier appearances where she looks like an elderly woman serving as Princess Zelda's nursemaid. Given the far-reaching Zelda multiverse, it's likely I will end up incorporating elements from numerous realities.
XXXXXX
(A feminine figure with blonde hair and pointed ears, clad in a black and blue outfit, white bandana, face wrap, black boots and a white tunic with a large red eye design swings a sword at the camera.)
Sheikah: The secretive tribals chosen by Hylia to protect the Royal Family of Hyrule...
(A Sheikah is shown cutting down a moblin with a slash to its gut.)
Vs.
(A feminine figure in a black outfit with a red and white face mask swings a dao at the camera.)
Xing Bodyguard: The fierce Xingese warriors who protect the royal family at all costs.)
(A Xing bodyguard is shown cutting down a would-be assassin with a well placed kunai to the throat.)
WHO IS DEADLIEST?!
To find out, we have gathered doctors, scientists and weapons experts to determine who would win a fight when two fictional warriors go head to head.
No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death to decide who will be...THE FICTIONAL DEADLIEST WARRIOR!
Using 21st-century science, we will see what happens when two fictional warriors clash in a simulated battle:
Sheikah
Appearing from: Legend of Zelda expanded universe
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 135 lbs.
Homeland: Hyrule
Xing Bodyguard
Appearing from: Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood
Height: 5' 5"
Weight: 125 lbs.
Homeland: Xing
"Today we have a battle between two lethal protectors, the secretive Sheikah from the land of Hyrule, taking on the Xing Bodyguard, defender of the Xing Royal Family," biomedical scientist Bradley Foster started.
"Both these combatants are charged with a very important duty in protecting their nation's respective royal families. You know they have to be on constant alert with all the enemy soldiers and secretive assassins sent to take out their charges. They are going to be in tip top shape for being trusted with such a task," trauma doctor Joseph Kaiser continued.
"The Sheikah and the Xing Bodyguard both come from exotic, far away lands and bring high quality weapons their opponent surely wouldn't be expecting," computer expert Eddie Cortez added.
"It should be an interesting fight. Now, we've got business to attend to," Bradley concluded.
The camera cut to a woman with long blonde hair and pointed ears, wearing a blue jacket with a white corset, black pants and long boots. She has an unusual looking sword in hand she is practicing a few swings with.
Up first to represent the Sheikah will be Princess Zelda.
Princess of the Kingdom of Hyrule, she was secretly trained to defend herself by her Sheikah bodyguard, even adopting the alternate persona of "Sheik" at one point to partake in the Super Smash Bros. Tournament.
"You would hear a lot of tall tales told about the Sheikah all throughout the lands of Hyrule. You would be wise to believe them," Zelda nodded.
The camera then cut to another woman, this one tall, lithe and white-haired with pointed ears and distinctive red tattoos on her forehead and around her left eye. She wore a black outfit with a matching cape and wrap covering the bottom half of her face. She picked up a spear with a crescent-shaped blade and took a few practice stabs before jamming the tip into a slab of beef.
Also representing the Sheikah will be veteran and guardian, Impa.
A personal bodyguard to Princess Zelda, she knows first-hand the dedication of the Sheikah, as well as the dangers they face.
"We have taken an oath to give our lives for the safety of the Royal Family. We are better trained and better disciplined compared to these Xing," Impa spoke.
A subrace of Hylian, the Sheikah are an ancient tribe chosen by the Goddess Hylia to serve as guardians of the Royal Family of Hyrule. Though few in number, they have faithfully carried out their duties for generations – often working in the shadows.
"The existence of the Sheikah has always been kept a secret to those without connections to the Royal Family, this enables them to work as our best covert agents to ensure the protection of the Kingdom of Hyrule," Zelda explained.
The Sheikah proved their undying loyalty to the royal family when most of them were slain while defending them during the Hyrulean Civil War, only a known handful surviving to continue carrying out their duties, which included training Princess Zelda and aiding the hero Link in his quest to defeat Ganondorf.
"The Sheikah are staunchly loyal. They will fulfill any task without question or concern. They are literally willing to give their lives to their cause, and that is what will make them the Deadliest Warrior," Impa concluded.
The secretive defenders come equipped with a deadly arsenal used for defending the Hyrulean Royal Family:
Short Range: Eightfold Blade
Mid-Range: Serpentine Spear
Long Range: Throwing Needle
Explosive: Burst Grenades
But how will they fare when pitted against an equally committed, equally deadly new adversary?
The camera cuts to a young woman with long black hair tied back and wearing a black uniform covered by body armor. She is sitting at a table with several circular objects at her disposal, revealed to be bombs.
Representing the Xing Bodyguard will be one of their own, Lan Fan.
A loyal protector to the Xingese prince Ling Yao, she is a master of their weapons and tactics.
"Our warriors are trained in various forms of combat, both armed and unarmed. These Sheikah and their outdated methods would be no match for us," Lan smirked.
The camera then cut to a young girl with long, dark braided hair and wearing royal attire. She is shown with multiple knives in both hands, tossing them simultaneously at a cluster of wooden targets.
Also representing the Xing Bodyguard will be Mei Chang.
A Xingese princess from the Chang clan, she was personally trained alongside her own bodyguards and knows what they are capable of.
"Members of the royal family train from an early age. Sometimes, we even fight more than our own bodyguards, but when it comes down to it, I wouldn't trust anyone else to be watching my back," Mei spoke.
The land of Xing is ruled by a monarchy, in which the Emperor takes a concubine from each clan to bear him a single heir. While it ensures fealty to the Emperor, it still leads to tension among the clans as the heirs compete to inherit the throne.
"The heirs to the throne are always competing with each other for the Emperor's favor. It is a violent competition in which assassination attempts are common among the royal siblings aimed at clearing the playing field," Lan explained.
Given the hostile nature of their succession process, it is common for Xing royalty to hire bodyguards for added protection – warriors who are noted for their deadly skill and intense, undying loyalty.
"The lengths the royals will go to gain the Emperor's favor is far. If they succeed, they become the next in line for the throne and all the power and prestige that comes with it. We can't make it that far without the aid of our trusted bodyguards," Mei concluded.
The Xing Bodyguards defended their royal charges with the finest crafted weaponry of their homeland:
Short Range: Xing Dao
Mid-Range: Meteor Hammer
Long Range: Throwing Knives
Explosive: Bombs
Both of these deadly bodyguards relied upon blades for cutting down their foes at close range.
For the Sheikah, they had a blade crafted from ancient technology that slashed through all threats against Hyrule, the Eightfold Blade.
(A Sheikah is shown cutting down a Yiga Footsoldier with a slash from her Eightfold Blade.)
Eightfold Blade
Single-Edged
Length: 36 in.
Weight: 2.5 lbs.
Material: Steel
"This is the Eightfold Blade, one of the sharpest blades in all of Hyrule," Princess Zelda said showing off the blade for the panelists, "Sheikah trust these more than anything in battle. Unlike most blades, this one has a prong hook on the front of it, which they can use to hook an enemy's weapon and get it away from them."
"Indeed, a very unique design compared to most other blades we've featured on here," Dr. Kaiser commented.
"We want to see what that blade can do and we have a scenario where a Sheikah is being attacked by two enemies at once, both represented by the suspended pig carcasses before you. You have 5 strikes to make your point," Bradley explained.
"Very well," Zelda said taking her position.
"Alright Princess, on 3...2...1, slice 'em up!"
Zelda swung the blade and it cut through the pig carcass, sending the lower half falling to the floor. She then went a little higher and cut another large chunk out of the first pig before swinging again into its neck. She then set her sights on the second target and drive the tip through the pig's belly before pulling out and delivering another swift swing that cut the carcass in half.
"Some very impressive cutting power you have with this blade," Dr. Kaiser commented as he stepped in to assess the damage. "Your first strike alone cuts this guy in half and then you cut another large chunk out of him after that before beheading him. This looks like the katanas of our world, yet the cutting power reminds me of a kilij."
"A true testament to the effectiveness of ancient Sheikah technology," Impa added.
"That's only if you could hit your target," Lan cut in.
"And that we would," Impa shot back, narrowing her eyes.
"Our warriors train with swords from an early age, and with blades that are far more powerful and versatile," Lan continued.
To answer the Sheikah's challenge, the Xing Bodyguard swings back with their own lethal blade, the Xing Dao.
(A Xing bodyguard is shown slashing an assassin across the stomach before running them through with the Xing Dao.)
Xing Dao
Single-Edged
Length: 36 in.
Weight: 3 lbs.
Material: Steel
"This very blade is favored by royalty and our soldiers," Lan said showing off the blade to the panelists, "It can thrust as effectively as it can slash an enemy."
"It's the same test for you, Lan. You have two attacking Sheikah and you have 5 slashes to prove your point," Bradley said motioning to the fresh pig carcasses.
"Consider it done," Lan said taking her position.
"Then on 3...2...1, cut 'em up!"
Lan drove the dao into the first pig's gut before swiftly pulling it out and following up with a slice that nearly cut the pig in half. She then went for another strike that cut the pig in half before turning her attention to the second pig, delivering two slashes that cut the pig in half.
"Also some very impressive cutting power," Dr. Kaiser said as he walked over and picked up the bottom half of the first pig, "You cut the spine right in half from the first swing. Not only that, you showed off better thrusting power as you punched through to the other side, tearing through the heart and one of the lungs in the process. As for the other guy, you delivered some deep cuts that would have been instant kill shots either way."
"A Sheikah would see your blade coming from a mile away. Even if you tried thrusting, we'd still find our way around you," Impa spoke.
Both blades cut through their targets, but where do our panelists stand?
"I'm calling this a draw," Bradley started, "Both blades can slash effectively, yet the Xing Dao shows the superior thrusting power, whereas the Eightfold Blade has the prong hook that could lock down an enemy if they manage to get them up close."
"We didn't actually see that happen in this test with the Eightfold Blade's prong, yet I wouldn't doubt it could become a factor that could make things more difficult for the Xing Bodyguard. The dao's greater versatility I think could still keep it on even footing," Dr. Kaiser replied.
"I agree. It's too close to call the edge for either here," Eddie concluded.
In short range weapons, our warriors are even.
XXXXXX
The Sheikah and the Xing Bodyguard, two fierce protectors of their respective royal families.
"Our orders come directly from the Goddess Hylia. Her will must be carried out at all costs, even at the cost of one's own life," Impa spoke.
"I'd dare these Sheikah to get close to one of our own...they would pay dearly!" Lan Fan said, an intense glare in her dark eyes.
When the battle went to mid range, both combatants broke out two very different weapons.
For the Xing Bodyguard, they put their martial arts prowess on full display with the Meteor Hammer.
(A Xing Bodyguard is shown gracefully moving about to distract an assassin before striking them hard in the face with a weight from their meteor hammer.)
Meteor Hammer
Length: 16 ft. rope
Weight: 6 lbs.
Material: Rope, brass weight
"This is a personal favorite of ours," Mei Chang said letting the meteor hammer slide out from beneath her sleeve, "It's easy to conceal and lets me keep my enemy at a distance, plus the constant movements are good for distracting them, easy to strike them from multiple angles. We can catch them off guard, ensnare a weapon or limb, or just slam the hammer upside their head."
"I'm kind of iffy about this right away," Eddie commented, "Don't you worry about the hammer coming back and hitting you?"
"This is why even the royals train as intensely as our bodyguards," Mei smirked.
"Well, we are setting up a scenario where you are being attacked by multiple enemies at once, and where you can show off the numerous things your meteor hammer can do," Bradley said motioning to the targets behind him.
"We have 3 water-filled clay pots suspended at 16 feet away, nearly the same mass as a human head. Next, we have two armed thugs coming at you," he said motioning to two mannequins equipped with swords, "Disarm them, bludgeon them, do what you must."
"You can count on it!" Mei said taking her position.
"Alright Mei, then on 3...2...1, take 'em down!"
Mei had one end of the rope tied around her wrist and she began to twirl her body to build up momentum before shooting her arm outward, the melon-shaped "hammer" smashing through the first clay jug and spilling water all over the floor. She twisted the hammer's rope around her body before shooting it out beneath her leg, smashing through the second pot. She then made a final turn and shot her arm out like she was launching a fireball, the hammer shooting out and shattering the last jug.
With the pots destroyed, Mei turned her attention to the mannequins and shot the hammer outward, ensnaring the sword held by the first target and tearing it away before shooting it out and striking the target in its chest. She then focused on the second target and swung low, tripping up the dummy before swinging again and bringing the hammer down on its face.
"Hell yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about!" Eddie exclaimed.
"These would all be shattered skulls if they had been actual human challengers," Dr. Kaiser noted before making his way over to the mannequins and examining the damage done. "You first did as you intended to do and disarmed this guy. What followed was a rather interesting blow, one where you could either have collapsed this guy's lung, or even hit his heart. It would leave it harder for him to breathe with the former, and could be a delayed kill with the latter.
He then made his way over and knelt down by the second target, "You struck this guy in the dead center of his face. You obliterated his nose, knocked out his front teeth, broken cheek bones...everything in the frontal portion of his face is gone –"
"Hamburger meat," Eddie interrupted.
"Exactly!" Dr. Kaiser replied, "This guy was hit with enough force bone fragments would fly into his brain. This is a kill."
"And this was all done in less than 3 seconds," Bradley read from his stopwatch, "That was fast!"
"But at the same time, she had to wind up and build momentum before she could have put that weapon to deadly use," Impa commented, "Within that span of time, a Sheikah could have cut her down where she stood."
"Not to forget the unpredictable nature of a roped weapon like that," Zelda added, "The 'hammer' could come back and hit her instead."
"Fortunately, our mid-ranged weapon is more simplistic and with that, more deadly," Impa nodded.
To counter the Meteor Hammer, the Sheikah stabs back with the Serpentine Spear.
(A Sheikah is shown driving their spear's tip through the back of a Moblin who had been threatening a Hyrulean royal.)
Serpentine Spear
Length: 8 ft.
Weight: 5.5 lbs.
Material: Steel head, wooden shaft
"This is a staple of Sheikah gear," Impa said showing off her spear to the panelists and its uniquely shaped blade, "We have a crescent-shaped blade that enables us to catch our opponents and deliver brutal cuts."
"Indeed, we've never seen a spear's tip shaped like that on here before," Dr. Kaiser commented.
"Then let's put it to use," Bradley said as a large beef slab was rolled in, "Here, we have a beef slab that is the same weight as a 200 pound human being, filled with blood and entrails to boot. Impa, we are giving you three thrusts to prove your point...literally," he said, eying up the crescent-shaped blade.
"Glad to oblige," Impa said taking her position.
"Then on 3...2...1, stick 'em hard!"
Impa thrust the spear high with her first strike, before going lower and punching through to the other side, and then going lower for her last strike, pulling out a strand of entrails.
"Brutal!" Eddie exclaimed.
"Indeed it would have been had this been a human target," Dr. Kaiser commented, "Your first thrust would have pierced right through this man's windpipe and with the blade's crescent shape, would have actually punched into the bottom of his skull. Your second strike pierced the heart and went all the way through to the back. Your last strike, well..." he finished while motioning to the entrails now on the floor.
"With the greater reach of our meteor hammer, we'd have you disarmed and dead before you could get that close," Mei commented.
Both mid-ranged weapons showed their very different capabilities, but where do our panelists stand?
"The meteor hammer can be an interesting weapon to watch in action no doubt. It's able to effectively disarm and cause blunt force trauma. Yet on the other hand, a spear is much better at killing and its reach would ensure it hits before someone can swing the meteor hammer. Edge Sheikah," Bradley started.
"You also notice how much energy is required to put into every single attack with a meteor hammer. The user could be fatigued before they even attack. Not only that, it can be just as dangerous to the user if they aren't careful, not something you would ideally want in a weapon. The spear might not have the hammer's reach, but it is easier to use and it has the killing power, coupled with the Serpentine Spear's uniquely designed tip," Dr. Kaiser seconded.
"I agree. The meteor hammer looks cool when in action, but you gotta build up all that momentum before attacking, whereas with the spear, you thrust it forward and that's that. Edge Sheikah," Eddie concluded.
In mid-ranged weapons, the Sheikah takes the edge with the Serpentine Spear.
XXXXXX
The time has now come for both combatants to break out their long ranged arsenals.
For the Sheikah, they pierced their enemies with the Throwing Needle.
(A Sheikah is shown throwing multiple throwing needles into a would-be assassin who was about to stab a high-ranking court official.)
Throwing Needle
Length: 6 in.
Weight: 1.5 oz.
Material: Steel
"These are specially crafted needles we use to take down our enemies from afar," Impa said showing off a throwing needle for the panelists.
"Aww cute! Maybe you can knit Prince Ling a sweater with those!" Lan called out.
"These are designed only for killing. We can turn a target into a human pin cushion within seconds when we have these at our disposal," Impa replied.
"Would you please be kind enough to show us, Impa?" Bradley asked motioning to a gel torso, "We have a 'volunteer' for you to test them out on."
"With pleasure," Impa nodded and took her position.
"Then on 3...2...1, fill 'er up!"
Impa grabbed a handful of throwing needles and started chucking them one by one at the gel target, striking it at various points all around its body before she ran out.
"You weren't kidding around. You promised to turn your target into a 'human pin cushion' and you delivered," Eddie commented.
Dr. Kaiser went over to assess the damage done, "I am definitely seeing some critical strikes in your needle storm," he said before pulling some out of the target's ace, "You managed to poke out this guy's eye and even got him once between the eyes, which could prove to be a fatal strike right away. You also pierced his windpipe, another kill shot. I can see another needle that would pierce a vital cord in his bicep, thus crippling his arm, yet it appears that most of the other needles would only hurt this guy."
"You wouldn't have that problem with our throwing knives," Mei said, producing three held between her fingers.
To answer the Sheikah's attack, the Xing Bodyguard responds with the Throwing Knives
(A Xing Bodyguard is shown tossing a knife into the chest of an assassin disguised as a merchant.)
Throwing Knives
Length: 6 in.
Weight: 1 lb.
Material: Steel
"We carry a bunch of these at once," Mei Chang said showing off her knives to the panelists.
"They're lightweight, lethal, can be used for close range, and are accurate when thrown," Lan Fan added.
"We've seen similar knives used on here before, yet we have yet to see the Xing skills in action," Bradley said motioning towards three foam targets.
"Well then allow me," Mei said taking a position.
"Then let 'em have it!"
Mei Chang threw the first knife into the first dummy's chest, before drawing another knife and striking the target in its shoulder. She then drew the last blade and chucked it into the third dummy's throat.
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to assess the damage, "Your first blade struck this guy in the left chest. It most certainly guarantees a punctured or collapsed lung. However, it might not hit the heart, which would be an instant kill shot. If not, it would be a painful wound and cause breathing problems. Your second strike would cripple this guy's arm, but not kill him. As for your final shot, you hit him right in the neck for an instant kill shot. Altogether, we have one guy wounded, one guy who's a maybe, and the last an instant kill."
Both long ranged weapons showed their deadly killing potential, but where do our panelists stand?
"I'm with the throwing knives on this one. They showed to do more damage when they connected, and if needed, could be used for melee combat," Bradley started.
"I agree. The needles could kill if they struck an opponent anywhere in the head, but once you get lower, the possibility becomes less and less likely. Edge Xing," Dr. Kaiser seconded.
"I'm with you both. No doubt those needles could hurt someone, but will they kill? It's just too unpredictable for my liking. Edge Xing," Eddie concluded.
In long range weapons, the Xing Bodyguard takes the edge with the Throwing Knives.
XXXXXX
The time now comes for things to get explosive.
Both warriors brought their own incendiary devices for taking down foes in a fiery storm. Up first, the Xing Bodyguard brings their own Bombs.
(A Xing Bodyguard is shown tossing a bomb that explodes and riddles a target with shrapnel.)
Bombs
Size: 2-3 in.
Weight: 1 lb.
Material: Black powder, shot and chemical
"We have many different types of bombs at our disposal," Lan Fan said showing off three laying on a table before the panelists, "We bring in the classic shrapnel bomb, the ceramic grenade and the flash bomb."
"The flash bomb, eh?" Eddie asked.
"It's like a modern stun grenade. It emits a blinding flash of light to stun an enemy so you can finish them off through other means," Lan explained.
"Well then we want to know how much damage your more lethal bombs can do," Bradley spoke before looking over to an enclosed space. "We have 3 targets in a room where both bombs will be detonated from the center. Each target is outfitted with two shock patches, one is a 38G patch, which if tripped, means the target is stunned. The other is a 100G patch, meaning if it's tripped, the target is dead."
The ceramic grenade will be tested first.
The ceramic grenade was suspended from the center of the enclosed area, while the panelists and experts stood behind a glass barrier. With a nod, Eddie pushed a button and the grenade was detonated. Once the smoke had cleared, Dr. Kaiser made his way over to assess the damage.
"With our first guy, we have instant death from the shock wave. Our second guy is rattled, but still alive," he said before looking over to the last target, "And this guy is completely unscathed."
Up next, the shrapnel bomb will be tested.
Three new targets were set up in the enclosure and a shrapnel bomb was suspended. With everybody safely gathered, Eddie pushed a button and the shrapnel bomb was detonated, sending jagged bits all around the enclosure. Once again, Dr. Kaiser had to wait before he could enter.
"I'm already seeing a lot more severity in the outcome," Dr. Kaiser said as he knelt before the first target, "Although as it was before, this guy appeared to be killed by the shock wave alone. With our second guy, he now has a fresh hole in the middle of his chest from a particularly large chunk of metal. The last time around, our last guy was completely unscathed, but this time around, he has a piece that would drop a lung, another through the shoulder that could render his arm useless, and then a small piece lodged in his eye. This time around, you are 3 for 3 in kills."
"Team Sheikah, think you can top that?" Bradley asked.
"We can and we will," Princess Zelda proclaimed, "We come with our own variety of explosives that would blow the Xing out of the water."
To answer the Xing's challenge, the Sheikah bounces back with the Burst Grenade.
(A Sheikah fighting an otherworldly plumber atop a castle tower tosses a burst grenade that seemingly sends the invader falling to his death.)
Burst Grenade
Length: 2-3 in.
Weight: 2 lbs.
Material: Black powder, shot and chemical
"We have 3 grenades of our own," Princess Zelda said with 3 grenades laid out on the table before the panelists, "The aforementioned burst grenade, the gravity grenade and the skimming grenade."
"The gravity grenade?" Dr. Kaiser asked.
"As its name implies, a target hit by the blast will instead knock them towards us, which then allows us to follow up for whichever attack we please," Zelda explained.
"As it was before, we want to test the more lethal grenades in action. We will start with the burst grenade against 3 patched targets," Bradley spoke.
New targets were placed in the enclosure and a burst grenade was suspended as the onlookers took cover behind the safety glass. Once everything was set in place, Eddie pushed the button and detonated the grenade.
Dr. Kaiser made his way over to assess the damage done. "Once again, we have our first target dead following the shock wave alone. With our second guy, once again we are seeing someone who is rattled, yet alive," he commented before looking towards the final target, "And as it was before, our last guy is left untouched. There's really no difference compared to the last time."
Up next, the skimming grenade will be tested.
Three new targets were set up and Eddie waited before everything was in place before pressing the switch that detonated the skimming grenade.
Dr. Kaiser again made his way over and checked out the targets. "With our first guy, it's another case of him being killed by the shock wave," he said before making his way over to the second guy, "It's the same thing with this fellow right here." He then made his way over to the third target, "But yet this guy, once again remains completely untouched."
"Not looking very good if you ask me," Lan Fan said to Zelda, who only rolled her eyes.
Both sets of explosives showed their devastating power, but where do our panelists stand?
"I'm with the Xing on this one. Their bombs showed more power compared to the Sheikah's," Bradley started.
"Indeed, with a wider blast radius, especially concerning the Xing's shrapnel grenades, I'm with them on this one," Eddie seconded.
"Their bombs showed more effectiveness, especially from shock wave damage alone. The shrapnel damage in this case was just some extra icing on the cake. Edge Xing Bodyguard," Dr. Kaiser concluded.
In explosive weapons, the Xing Bodyguard takes the edge with their Bombs.
As it is with all warriors, there is a critical X-factor that makes them who they are. For the Sheikah, it is their secretive nature and how they have been able to remain an enigma to outside forces for centuries.
"Our existence is known only to the Royal Family of Hyrule. It has been that way for centuries. That great degree of secrecy means nobody else knows to expect us coming, or how to handle us. We are the last thing they never see," Impa explained.
For the Xing Bodyguard, it's their mastery of Alkahestry.
"Alkahestry is our answer to the Alchemy of the western lands. It is centered on a concept called 'The Dragon's Pulse,' which speaks to the Earth itself and its flow of chi. We use it for medicinal purposes, unlike the Amestrians, who use it for military supremacy. We can heal ourselves when necessary, as well as others," Mei Chang explained.
Coming up, two bodyguards clash to determine who is "The Fictional Deadliest Warrior!"
XXXXXX
With our testing complete and our X-factors evaluated, we are now one step closer to deciding the victor.
Our teams tested 4 weapons used by the Sheikah: the Eightfold Blade, Serpentine Spear, Throwing Needles and Burst Grenades.
On the other side, 4 weapons used by the Xing Bodyguard were tested: the Xing Dao, Meteor Hammer, Throwing Knives and Bombs.
In short range weapons, both blades had their advantages that left them on even footing.
EDGE: Even
In mid-ranged weapons, the Serpentine Spear stuck it to the Meteor Hammer.
EDGE: Sheikah
In long range weapons, the Throwing Knives outperformed the Throwing Needles.
EDGE: Xing Bodyguard
And in explosives, the Xing's Bombs blew the Sheikah's Burst Grenades away.
EDGE: Xing Bodyguard
Our scientists and weapons experts have concluded their testing. The results are in and the time has come to decide who will emerge victorious. To ensure the battle won't be decided by a single, lucky blow, the battle will be simulated one thousand times in a duel to the death.
Who will prevail in a battle of two fierce combatants?
Bodyguard
(A Sheikah watches from a distance as the King of Hyrule sits upon his throne.)
vs. Bodyguard
(A Xing Bodyguard is shown cutting down an attacker before they can get close to a Xingese prince.)
Direct
(A Xing Bodyguard stands alongside her prince with a dao drawn as they are surrounded.)
vs. Secretive
(A Yiga Footsoldier falls after taking a needle to the back of the head, compliments of the Sheikah behind him.)
"All the data is uploaded. Now, we sit back and watch the fireworks," Eddie smiled while typing in the final commands.
XXXXXX
Outside of a small village in the land of Hyrule, a woman clad in a blue and white outfit with a white head wrap and matching cloth mask over her mouth is perched on a tree branch as she scans the area for any signs of movement. The large red eye on her uniform identifies her as one of the Sheikah, the defenders of the royal family. A spear with a crescent-shaped blade is strapped to her back, an Eightfold Blade is hanging from her side, and pouches on her belt are filled with throwing needles and various explosives.
She is acting on a tip off from the Zoras about possible assassins targeting members of the royal family and has been on patrol for any possible threats.
Meanwhile, a woman clad in a black outfit and a red and white mask is leaving the village. She has a dao strapped to her side, along with a various knives and a pouch containing an assortment of bombs in a pouch attached to her belt.
She is a bodyguard from the far away land of Xing and is involved in a frantic search after becoming separated from the prince she was traveling with on a diplomatic mission. Even though he is a capable fighter in his own right, she has sworn her life to defend him and wants to find him as soon as possible. There was no sign of him in the nearby village, so she was now making her way along the woodland trail in search of somewhere else he could have disappeared to.
The bodyguard made her way down the trail, yet came to a sudden halt when she could sense someone watching her, and it was then she felt the slight ruffle and heard a loud 'thwok' as a throwing needle was embedded in the tree next to her.
The Xing Bodyguard turned around and drew her dao, yet she was forced to roll out of the way as an entire flurry of throwing needles rained down upon her. She looked up to where she believed the flurry had come from and acting on instinct, grabbed a throwing knife and tossed it in the tree's direction, watching as a shadowy figure leaped over to another nearby tree. The Xing warrior chased after the mysterious figure, keeping herself close to the wide tree trunks in hopes of avoiding any more projectiles.
The Sheikah continues leaping from branch to branch until she sees the ending of the tree line and the river beyond that. She comes to a halt at the last tree and suddenly leaps down, landing in the bushes below. She watches from cover as the Xing Bodyguard runs into view and reaches into her pouch, pulling out one of her burst grenades and sending it bouncing along the ground towards her opponent. The foreign warrior notices the explosive, but manages to leap out of the way before she can take the brunt of the blast and is sent flying into the foliage.
The Xing Bodyguard grunted as she pushed herself into a sitting position, her outfit tattered and blood leaking from the shrapnel wounds caused by that grenade. She wasn't out of the fight yet as she used one of her knives to carve a pentagram into the ground and performed an alkahestry enchantment that largely healed her wounds.
With her opponent having vanished from view, the Sheikah slowly crept into the open with her spear drawn, looking around for any signs of the black-clad invader. She was about to move along until a throwing knife sailed past her head. The Xing Bodyguard leaped into view and tossed another knife at the Sheikah, who swatted the blade away with her spear. The Sheikah attempted to run her Xingese opponent through with the spear's tip, yet the foreign warrior dodged the blow and tossed another knife that caught her in the arm.
Seeing her opponent stalled, the Xing Bodyguard allowed the meteor hammer she had concealed up her sleeve to fall and she wrapped the end around her wrist before she began spinning it above her head to build up momentum. The Sheikah pulled the knife from her arm and kept her spear raised, yet the Bodyguard swung the hammer end to keep her opponent at bay.
The Sheikah stood back as she didn't know what to expect from the exotic weapon, but noticed it was held together by a rope she figured she could cut if she swung the Serpentine Spear's end at the right moment. She leaped back as the Xing Bodyguard swung at her feet, and then tried to thrust her spear forward. It didn't work out well as the spear became entangled by the hammer's rope and the Bodyguard gave a hard tug to pull the spear from her hands. However, she had also effectively disarmed herself.
Both women circled each other before drawing their respective blades: the Xing Dao and the Eightfold Blade. The Xing made the first move, slashing at the Sheikah, who leaned back to avoid the blood. She went for another swing, which the Sheikah parried this time and then ducked low in an effort to trip her up, yet the Bodyguard flipped backward and threw another knife at the Sheikah, who got her blade up just in time to deflect the projectile. The Sheikah responds by throwing another needle that pierces the Xing's mask and cuts into her cheek beneath. She quickly follows up with two more needles, one that tears through the Bodyguard's side and another that strikes her thigh.
The Xing Bodyguard fell to her knees and out of desperation, reached into her pouch and pulled out a bomb, lighting the fuse and chucking it at her opponent's feet. The Sheikah looked down and the flash bomb went off, blinding her.
With her opponent incapacitated, the Xing Bodyguard made her move. Drawing her dao, she avoided a wild slash from the blinded Sheikah and drove the tip through her gut.
The Sheikah opened her eyes and looked down to see the blade sticking out of her gut. She looked into her opponent's eyes and attempted to raise her own blade, yet she was weakened by the blood loss and passed out. Her lifeless body would fall to the ground as the Bodyguard pulled her blade out.
The Xing Bodyguard looked down upon her fallen opponent before continuing on her mission to find her lost prince.
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Winner: Xing Bodyguard
Xing Bodyguard:
Xing Dao: 289
Meteor Hammer: 44
Throwing Knife: 35
Bombs: 175
Total: 543
Sheikah:
Eightfold Blade: 217
Serpentine Spear: 86
Throwing Needle: 20
Burst Grenades: 134
Total: 457
"It was another close matchup, but ultimately the Xing Bodyguard prevailed thanks to her possessing the more reliable weapons for both close quarters and ranged combat, as well as the superior explosives," Bradley concluded.
"These panelists have obviously never seen an actual Sheikah in combat," Impa harrumphed and crossed her arms, looking away in disgust.
"You got it right the Xing produce the best bodyguards! The Hyrulean Royal Family better look us up next time they need protection," Lan Fan smirked.
(The Xing Bodyguard is shown, having reunited with her prince. The two of them now prepare to make the long journey back home.)
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Next time on "Fictional Deadliest Warrior," it's a battle between two front line armies carrying out the whims of murderous dictators:
(An Asian man wearing a camouflage fatigue shirt, red pants, a red head wrap and red scarf raises an assault rifle into the air.)
Royal Army: The Kingdom of Kyrat's brutal military force that enforces the will of Pagan Min with undying loyalty...
vs.
(A Hispanic man in a white shirt, tactical vest, camouflage fatigue pants and a red combat helmet points a shotgun at the screen.)
Fuerzas Nacionales de Defensa: The military forces of Yara who stomp out all threats to President Castillo's regime with excessive force.
Who will be...THE FICTIONAL DEADLIEST WARRIOR?!
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Author's Note: And so concludes a battle which I had in mind for a long time, one which I believe I almost posted after my "Edward Kenway vs. Rikimaru" chapter, yet held off on because I figured it would have been too similar to the battle before it and I wanted to throw some variety in. This battle probably wasn't much different from my last battle, yet at this time I just said "Fuck it" and got it done just to get it out of the way.
I based some of the Sheikah's arsenal off of what Sheik used in the Super Smash Bros games in regards to the Throwing Needles and Burst Grenades. I'm sure the eagle-eyed readers also picked up on the Mario cameo in the Burst Grenades intro.
There has also been a change of plans in regards to a future battle.
As of right now, Enigma Corporation vs. AMS is no longer happening. Instead, these battles will now be taking its place:
S.T.A.R.S. (Resident Evil) vs. Enigma Corporation (Lost Tapes)
AMS (The House of the Dead) vs. VSSE (Time Crisis)
The Sheikah and all "Legend of Zelda" characters and references are the property of Nintendo. The Xing Bodyguard and all "Full Metal Alchemist" references are the property of Viz Media.
With apologies to "Legend of Zelda" fans...
Until then, read and review! This is Metal Harbinger saying to KEEP IT FUCKING METAL!