I'm back, returning from a period of sickness and winter holidays. Chapters will resume rolling.
This chapter takes place partially during and after the previous chapter. We are still at 12 Grimmauld Place, in the aftermath of the Dementors' attack.
LILY XXXVI
Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Arthur Weasley, Molly Weasley, Alastor Moody, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Bill Weasley and Albus Dumbledore all sat around the table in the dining room of the Twelve, Square Grimmauld, in London. This was no official reunion of the Order, merely a gathering of people who were exhausted. Dumbledore himself looked exhausted, which spoke a lot. He just arrived, a few minutes after Harry came in. Lily's son was currently reuniting with his friends up in the chambers. Molly had wanted to send or keep them all to sleep, but Lily said they wouldn't close the eyes until they met Harry after being separated for an entire month.
Lily was exhausted too. But that didn't make her anger disappear. She was still furious.
"How is Harry?" the Headmaster of Hogwarts asked.
"Not well," Lily replied.
"Physically, he is fine," Sirius declared. "Mentally… It's another story."
"As I feared and expected," Dumbledore whispered.
"Who is the fool who had the idea of sending Mundungus Fletcher to watch over my son?" Lily asked, not for the first time tonight.
"Lily, you have every right to be angry…" Dumbledore began on a very soothing tone.
"Im not angry, Albus. I'm not even furious. I'm…" She hesitated. "I'm more than furious. You promised that you would keep my son safe. That the protection he got the day James died would protect him, and that someone from the Order would be there at all time to watch over him. But the one time, the one time he needed your help, our help, where was the Order?!"
A deep silence settled in the dining room. It was finally Molly who broke it.
"We never should have let Mundungus watch over Harry," she blurted.
"Molly, this is not…" Arthur began, but Dumbledore calmly interrupted him.
"No, Arthur. Molly and Lily are both right. We should never have thought that we could entrust such a mission to Mundungus. I made a mistake. This is my fault."
"Dumbledore, we all accepted to let Mundungus stand guard to protect Harry. This is not…" Remus began.
"Thank you, Remus, but in the end, this was my decision. So this was my fault, and I assume it."
"It is strange that those Dementors attacked the young Potter at this moment," Alastor grumbled. "That they chose the very moment Mundungus chose to disappear… Coincidences are possible, but I don't believe in them."
"The timing is suspicious," Remus agreed.
"Could Mundungus be…" Sirius asked between his teeth.
"A traitor?" Dumbledore completed, reflecting the thoughts of many people, including Lily herself. "I don't think so. I discussed in length with him. He didn't sell us. He just ran away from his duty."
"It is still quite a big coincidence that Harry was assaulted in the very moment Mundungus disappeared," Sirius said. "I agree with Mad-Eye. This is no coincidence."
"How can we be sure that he will be safe here?" Lily asked.
"The Fidelius Charm is protecting this place, Lily," Dumbledore reminded her. "Even if there was a traitor in the Order, he couldn't tell where our headquarters are, and as such, he couldn't tell where Harry is. This is the safest place where he can be right now. And he will be surrounded by members of the Order at all times here."
Somehow, this barely reassured her. It seemed that no matter the precautions they took, Harry always found himself in danger. Lily knew they would always be in danger now that Voldemort was truly back, but understanding this didn't make her feel better.
"What do we do now?" she asked. "Dementors attacked my son. If Fudge didn't believe that Voldemort was back, he should see now that this is true. Why else would Dementors assault Harry in the middle of London?" She raged internally about the Ministry denying Voldemort's return.
"We are not yet sure that it is Voldemort who sent those Dementors," Dumbledore stated.
Everyone stared at him in utter surprise. "What do you mean?" Sirius asked before Lily could. "We know that Voldemort is approaching the Dementors and trying to get them on his side. You told so to Fudge early when he came back, that the Dementors would defect to Voldemort."
"Yes, but this assault doesn't look logical from Voldemort's intentions. He wants to kill Harry, there's no doubt about it, but he wants to kill him with his own hand. Harry humiliated Voldemort by surviving yet another time in June. Voldemort is set on killing Harry himself. Furthermore, he wants to remain hidden right now, while he reconstitutes his army. It wouldn't do well for him to have Dementors attacking Harry in plain sight, right here in London. And Severus said that Voldemort looked surprised when he told him that Harry was attacked by Dementors."
"Do you really think we can trust a reaction from Voldemort?" Lily asked, unbelieving.
"I have to admit…" Kingsley then began. "Ever since Voldemort came back, he made himself very discreet. And we have been keeping an eye on Azkaban, specifically to make sure he couldn't approach the Dementors. Even the Department of Magical Law Enforcement increased its surveillance on the Dementors. It would have been hard for Voldemort to approach them so early."
"We all know that Voldemort has means to contact the Dementors that we cannot oversee," Sirius pointed out.
"True," Dumbledore acknowledged. "Voldemort may already have contacted the Dementors in one way or another. But we must not let what happened tonight blind us. It is possible that someone else ordered the Dementors to attack Harry."
"Who?" Lily asked, hostile.
"One of his servants. A Death Eater. Maybe even one who is currently in Azkaban. An idiot who may have thought it would please Voldemort, without consulting him. That may explain why these Dementors could attack Harry if Voldemort had no direct hand in this assault."
Lily thought about that for a moment. Indeed, it was possible. If Voldemort already had some hold on the Dementors, one of his followers might have managed to order them to attack Harry. However, this didn't change much to the situation. Harry was in danger, and they failed to protect him.
"There is, however, another possibility. And it might be worse than the possibility of Voldemort being behind what happened that night," Dumbledore almost whispered.
"What could be worse?" Arthur asked.
"Let's suppose that the Dementors did not happen to be in this street on Voldemort's or one of his servants' orders. This leaves us with two possibilities. Either these two Dementors happened to be wandering there and fell upon Harry by chance, which is so unlikely that it is almost impossible."
Of course, it is impossible, Lily thought. The likelihood of Dementors wandering on their own, without orders, in London was already very small, but that of all the people in this city, the Dementors would randomly choose to target Harry defied all probabilities.
"Or, and we should be way more concerned about this eventuality, someone did send those Dementors after Harry, but it was not Voldemort nor one of his supporters."
A heavy silence fell upon the room. Lily was stunned by Dumbledore's suggestion for a time. Then Kingsley spoke up. "Dumbledore… Are you suggesting that this attack might have come… from the Ministry of Magic?"
Even as Kingsley said that on an unbelieving tone, Lily felt this was indeed a real possibility. "Who can give orders to the Dementors? Within the Ministry, I mean?" she asked.
"Many people," Alastor declared. He looked to take the situation very seriously. "Those who manage Azkaban, to begin with. Many high officials. Anyone with enough authority within the Ministry could potentially give such an order. Including Fudge himself, if he wanted."
"You believe that Fudge set those Dementors on Harry?" Lily asked.
"I don't think Fudge is behind this," Dumbledore said. "At least, I hope he's not, or he has turned even worse than I think."
"Fudge is a politician," Arthur said. "He loves being Minister of Magic and he's afraid of losing his position. To keep it, he's ready to throw both his friends and enemies under the bus, to use a Muggle expression. He can remove them from their positions, ruin their reputation, put the blame for his mistakes on others, but…" He seemed to be thinking for a moment. "Ordering a murder? If he's willing to do that…"
Arthur Weasley looked both stunned, unbelieving… and afraid too. Kingsley looked concerned as well. Lily herself was terrorized. If the Ministry was ready to use such tactics… They already had a lot to do with Voldemort and an inactive Ministry. What if now they had to face a Ministry that used the very same tactics as Voldemort and who was ready to kill the people who opposed it? Alastor Moody seemed to be taking all this very seriously again.
"Fudge is weak. I don't believe he has the nerve to order a hit. But someone else in the Ministry, someone who would like to get favors from him, I have no trouble imagining it," Alastor declared.
"If all that comes from the Ministry, then we have to worry a lot," Bill said. "Who knows what they could do next…"
"Let's not panic or jump to conclusions," Dumbledore interrupted. "For now, these are all conjectures. One thing is sure, Harry was attacked, and he is in danger. He should be safe here, and we will keep him here until September, when he goes back to Hogwarts."
"If he goes back," Moody pointed out. "Fudge will not hesitate to condemn him. He has a golden opportunity to get rid of Potter."
"Harry was only defending himself," Lily protested.
"Do you think it will matter for Fudge?" Moody retorted. Lily knew immediately he was right.
"Fudge will not be the only one to matter in this case," Dumbledore said. "I'll make sure that Harry is cleared of all charges. I'll be with him for his hearing."
This reassured Lily a lot. If Dumbledore was to be there in person, Harry had far less to fear.
"Don't worry, Lily," Molly told her. "I'm sure he will be cleared of charges. He has the law on his side. Everyone can use magic when his life is threatened."
"Not to mention that whatever Fudge tries to do, he's not the one who will decide of the verdict," Kingsley said. "It's Amelia Bones who is going to preside Harry's hearing. No matter the pressure Fudge will put on her, she will never declare Harry guilty in such circumstances."
"Especially when she learns that her niece nearly got killed in the accident," Bill said, grinning. "I mean, whoever did that, I think he just made a formidable enemy."
"It's no laughing matter, Bill," Arthur said. "Whoever did that, if he is ready to unleash Dementors in broad daylight on people like Harry and the niece of a top ranking official in the Ministry, we should be taking this person very seriously."
On that, they all agreed.
"Whoever sent the Dementors to London tonight, we are going to find him," Dumbledore assured. "But not tonight. I think we all need some well deserved sleep."
As if to emphasize it, Dumbledore stood up.
"Keep me informed on Harry," he told everybody. "And take care of him. He will need help."
Dumbledore exited the room, and soon they heard the entrance door to Sirius' family home close behind him. They all remained silent for a time.
"What a night," Arthur sighed.
"Talk for yourself," Lily snapped all of a sudden. "It's not your son who almost got killed tonight."
A part of her immediately regretted her harsh words. But she was still upset against whoever decided to let Mundungus Fletcher stand guard over Harry.
"Lily, we are all sorry for what happened," Remus assured, his voice kind. "But Harry is alive and safe now. This is what matters."
For how long? And was he really safe now? They thought they were safe under a Fidelius Charm fourteen years ago, and James died. And once back to Hogwarts, Harry would not be protected by this charm. Worse, now that Bartemius Crouch Junior had the Marauder's Map, he could locate Harry everywhere in the castle from now on. Hogwarts didn't look that safe all of a sudden.
"Yes," Molly confirmed Remus' words. "And he should be resting now. I think he reunited with the other children long enough, it is time to go to bed." It was indeed one in the morning. "For all of us," she added.
"Before we go to bed, there is something we should discuss," Sirius said. Everyone looked at him. "Harry." He looked at each of them, Lily the last one. "We have kept him in the dark about everything that's been happening since June. I believe it's time to tell him the truth."
His words were welcomed by a heavy silence. Lily, on her side, didn't know how to react. She wasn't even sure what to think about this. She felt frustrated, when she had the time to feel like this, over the whole summer to not be able to tell anything that was going on to Harry, on Dumbledore's instructions. On the other side, she still wanted to keep him safe. But would keeping information from him keep him safe? Tonight's events didn't seem to support it.
"Sirius, have you forgotten what Dumbledore told us?" Molly then said, her voice sounding scandalized. "Harry must not know more than he needs to."
"Since when not knowing more than he needs to means knowing nothing at all?" Sirius countered.
"Since he doesn't need to know anything at all."
"I don't think you would say the same if you escorted him to the headquarters, Molly. Harry was not only shaken by what happened tonight. He was furious as well. And who could blame him? He's the one who was attacked by Dementors tonight. And his girlfriend almost got kissed by one of them."
"Yes, and we all agree that Mundungus was irresponsible. One of us should have been there. But this is no reason to tell him what the Order is doing. He's not a member of the Order, and he's only a child."
"And he already dealt with as much as most in the Order. And more than some."
"No one is denying what he has done. But he's still a child. Just like Ron and Hermione. He's even younger than them. We shouldn't forget about that. We are the adults responsible for him."
"I don't think he believes it after what happened tonight."
"Stop that, Sirius! We made a mistake. But we brought him to the headquarters right away, and now he's safe."
"For how long?" Lily's question seemed to come out of the abyss. She listened to Sirius and Molly arguing about her son silently, her mind boiling about what to do, but she had her word to say. "In September, he will go back to Hogwarts." If he ever went back, if Fudge had something to say about it. "We will not be there to protect him anymore."
"Dumbledore will be there," Molly reassured her. "And Minerva and Severus will be there too. He will be watched over. Nothing will happen to him." But Lily felt the uncertainty in Molly's voice, and she exploited it.
"Do you really believe it yourself? In four years there, he already faced Voldemort thrice, including two times within the school walls. And Wormtail managed to get to him on several occasions. And now Voldemort has the Marauder's Map. He will be able to know exactly where Harry is at Hogwarts at any hour of the day. So forgive me if I have doubts over our abilities to protect him. If Harry is alive tonight, it's only thanks to his own magical skills and because Remus taught him to create a Patronus." She turned to him. "Thank you, by the way."
Remus acknowledged her thanks. But it was Molly who reacted to Lily's words.
"I admit that the situation is far from ideal, but… Lily, you don't think seriously about telling Harry everything that's going on in the Order?"
"Why not?" Lily replied, exhausted, the words coming out without thinking.
"Why should you? What good will come out of it? Except terrorizing him even further?"
"Knowing the threats around him." Alastor's grumbling voice raised from the corner of the room. "Being better prepared to fight."
"To fight?" Molly almost screamed. "Listen to yourself, Alastor. He's only a child!"
"And he's my child, Molly. Not yours!" Lily almost burst. She was tired of hearing other people saying what was best for her son. She was his mother. She remained the best placed person to know what was good for him.
"Lily is right," Sirius supported. "Arthur, Molly, we understand that you didn't want to tell your children and Hermione about what was going in the Order. This is your decision. But for Harry, this is not your call."
"I still believe," Remus started carefully, "that we should not give all the information to Harry."
"Of course not! What are you thinking about?" Lily snapped.
She almost regretted it the moment she spoke up. Everyone looked surprised by her reaction. She was really tired. But the truth was that she knew certain things that the others didn't. Well, except Sirius and Remus. Lily, Dumbledore, Remus and Sirius were the only four people in the Order to be aware of Harry's ability to see though Voldemort's mind.
Realizing this situation first terrorized Lily. It began when she was informed that Harry witnessed a meeting between Voldemort and Crouch Junior not long before his return. Then during summer, Harry mentioned making dreams. Lily was worried that he kept having nightmares about the events surrounding Voldemort's return, but also worrying were his dreams about the door. Harry didn't seem to realize it, but the dreams he regularly made about a dark plain door in front of which he remained standing came from Voldemort's obsession with the copy of the prophecy in the Department of Mysteries. Voldemort had come to the conclusion that a certain mental link somehow existed between Harry and Voldemort, allowing Harry to see pieces of his mind when his own mind was more relaxed, such as while sleeping. Dumbledore was afraid that Voldemort might discover this link and find ways to use it against Harry to spy on his life and even the Order's activities.
For Lily, the worst was that Voldemort might try to use Harry's mind against himself. Dumbledore was of the opinion that it was better to keep Harry in the dark about this, while keeping a close eye on him to make sure Voldemort could not use this mental connection. Voldemort seemed to be unaware of it so far. Lily hoped it was the case. But this was one of the reasons why she wouldn't give Harry detailed information about the Order's operations.
"But he should get the general picture from us," Remus continued after recovering from Lily's outburst, "instead of some nebulous and incorrect version from other people." He looked to everybody. "Let's not fool ourselves. We know that Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred and George have seen and heard things they probably are reporting to Harry as we speak. We should at least tell him in general what Voldemort is doing and planning, and what the Order in general is doing to stop him."
Molly looked totally outraged. She turned to her husband. "Arthur! Back me up! We cannot tell Harry what the Order is doing. This is not for him to know that. And we know that the first thing he will do when he hears those things will be to tell the others."
"They already know some of it, Molly," Sirius said, sounding exasperated.
"That's not a reason to reveal to them everything we're doing to protect them. Arthur!"
Arthur Weasley had removed his glasses and put them back on his nose. He spoke very slowly, carefully. "I think that the situation has changed. Dumbledore knows things are different now that Harry is staying here. And I think Harry has a right to know certain things. To a certain extent. And I believe it is to Lily to make this choice. Harry is no one's son here, except hers. We chose to not tell Ron, Ginny, Fred and George. This was our choice. But for Harry, this is not ours." He looked at Lily then. "I just ask you to be careful with what you will reveal. Having too much information might be dangerous, not only for the Order, but for Harry himself."
"I know," Lily replied, exceeded. "But he should be aware what Voldemort is preparing, and what we're doing to stop him. In general," she specified in the end.
"I agree," Alastor voiced. "This boy is going to be targeted by Voldemort. The Dark Lord will not stop until he's killed him. Keeping Potter in the dark will only make things worse. He must be prepared for the coming fight."
"He's not going to fight!" Molly protested. "He's only a child!"
"For how long? He's fifteen. In two years, he will be an adult, and in three years, he will be gone from Hogwarts. What do you think he will do then? You expect him to remain hidden while the others fight? I know this boy. He will join the fight."
"You don't know him at all!" Molly opposed before Lily could say anything. "You have been his teacher for what? Two months?"
"Yes. And during that time, and based on both what I've witnessed and what he achieved prior, this boy is not going to stand idle while others fight the Dark Lord and his supporters. And one day, he will join the Order."
Alastor's blunt way of speaking stunned Lily. But it didn't stun Molly. "You don't know that. You don't know if Harry or anyone else will join the Order one day. You cannot predict that."
"Yes, I can. This boy wants to fight, and he can fight. I saw it with my own eyes. He has the potential of becoming one of the greatest wizards of his generation. He has been able to produce a Patronus since the age of thirteen. No one in this room can brag something similar. When I tested the Imperious Curse on my students, he was the only who could resist it from the first attempt, and who succeeded in totally overcoming it. Letting him aside would be a waste of an opportunity for the Order."
Lily was almost outraged that Alastor seemed to decide her son's future right away, and even more that he viewed him as an opportunity, but she didn't speak up, and Molly didn't get the chance to speak up either as Alastor continued.
"Anyway, the boy is too curious for his own good. One way or another, he will find out about our plans. So I agree with Remus, we should tell him ourselves before he hears the wrong truth from someone else."
On the latter words, Lily at least silently agreed with Alastor. Harry was indeed sometimes too curious for his own good. Perhaps it was better to tell him.
"Well…" Molly stammered. "I can see I'm going to be overruled. I'll just say this. Harry… Not only Harry, but Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, George… They are still children…"
"Fred and George are adults," Bill pointed out.
"They're still at school."
"Yes, but legally, they are adults…"
"Whatever! Even if we wanted to tell Harry, and only Harry about some of what's going on… He's going to tell the others. We shouldn't forget about that. And what if our plans get leaked then…"
"Molly, don't underestimate them," Remus intervened. "They're not going to climb on Hogwarts' roof and scream everything they know about the Order. Even Fred and George wouldn't do that. They are responsible kids."
"Of course, I know they will not do that, but… We know that they cannot keep secrets to themselves. Sooner or later, they'll tell their other friends, and…"
"I don't think so. They know the Order's operations are important, and that nobody must know their parents are part of it. I think you and Arthur already made sure they understood that."
Arthur silently confirmed Remus' words by nodding, but Molly was not over. "Yes, but… They remain children. They make mistakes. Look at what happened when you were teaching at Hogwarts. Look at how people found out you were a werewolf."
"This wasn't their fault," Remus assured. "First, Molly, your children never knew about my condition before it became common knowledge…"
"Which is proof that we must not give them this kind of secrets…"
"But Harry and Hermione both knew, and they never revealed it to anybody. They kept the secret for entire months, and they didn't even tell Ron or Ginny."
"Wasn't it Harry's girlfriend who revealed the truth to everybody?"
"No, it wasn't her fault. She… she was studying on werewolves one night, and she somehow whispered something suggesting that I was a werewolf. One of her friends heard, and she's the one who made the truth known to everybody."
"So, you see. Harry knew it, he told one of his friends about it, and then…"
"He didn't tell anybody," Remus repeated. "And in fact, it was my fault. When the girl asked both Susan and Harry whether I was a werewolf or not, they assured her I wasn't, and she believed them. Only, later, we met by chance in the Entrance Hall and she asked me, almost as a joke, if I had changed into a werewolf last night. And I made the mistake of assuming she knew, and my answer revealed to her that it was true. That was how it came out. It wasn't Harry or anyone else under this roof's fault. It was mine."
"Wasn't the girl who shouted you were a werewolf dating Ron, by the way?" Bill asked, a little smile on his lips. Even Sirius couldn't retain a barely visible smile. Lily was tired of the direction this discussion was taking.
"She only dated him later," Remus replied. "But anyway, the more important is it was me who revealed my condition in the end, and no one else. It was my mistake, and I assume it."
"Well… Even then," Molly resumed, "I should remind you that Dumbledore must have had his reasons for not wanting Harry to know too much, and…"
"Of course, he has his reasons!" Lily snapped again. "What do you think? You think that Harry is the only one Dumbledore has been withholding information from?"
Some looked strangely at her, but others seemed to accept it. They all knew that there were some things in the Order they were not aware of. Lily and Sirius were alone to know about Harry's visions into Voldemort's mind. And even for the prophecy, although everyone in the Order knew that Voldemort was looking for a weapon inside the Department of Mysteries, most didn't know what this weapon was. Lily was one of the few to know this was about a prophecy, and she was the only one, along with Dumbledore, to know the exact content of this prophecy. Everyone in the Order accepted to not know everything the others were doing or everything Dumbledore planned, in part to avoid the worst consequences if a traitor inside the Order began to feed information to Voldemort, like Wormtail did a long time ago. That was part of the reasons why they didn't question Dumbledore's decision to hide most things to Harry and the other children.
"Look." Lily tried to calm herself. She was really exhausted, physically and emotionally, but she needed to do one last thing before she got some rest. "I appreciate your views and your concerns, all of you, but Harry is my son. And I decide that I'm going to tell him, generally, what Voldemort is up to and what the Order is doing. I'm not going to give him details, but I'll tell him everything I can so he may know what's going on around him. We tried to keep him safe by keeping him in the complete dark, and it didn't work. It's time for another approach. I'm going to tell him about all this, and alone."
"Alone?" Sirius asked, bewildered. "Are you sure you don't want us to…"
"He's my son. I'm the one who's going to tell him, and nobody else."
On that, Lily stood up and left the dining room with all the other members of the Order behind. In her back, she heard Molly complaining to her husband.
"He's going to tell our children everything she'll tell him, for sure."
"We'll remind them to not discuss it with anyone else. It was probably unavoidable anyway," Arthur replied soothingly, resigned.
Lily climbed the stairs, decided to tell the truth to her son once and for all. She should have done this long before. She should have told him about the Order, about what she was doing. Last year, if she had told him that she was chasing Barty Crouch Junior, Harry might have taken his dream more seriously, and maybe they could have stopped this man before it was too late. Harry may never have ended up in that cemetery. Voldemort might never have returned.
At the same time, she knew she couldn't give Harry too many details. She couldn't tell him precisely which mission each member of the Order was conducting. More than everything, she couldn't tell him that he was having visions from Voldemort's mind. And she certainly wouldn't tell him about the prophecy. She wouldn't have her son believing he was destined to fight Voldemort for the rest of his life. Anyway, they couldn't even be sure that the prophecy was accurate.
She arrived in front of the door where Harry and Ron were supposed to sleep. She heard voices coming from the other side. They were clearly more than two people inside. Lily raised her wand and the door opened. On the other side, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred and George all turned to look at her.
"Go to your chambers. I need to speak with Harry, Alone," Lily specified.
They all remained unmoving for an instant, but then Molly appeared behind Lily, as if coming from nowhere.
"Come on. Everyone to bed," she said on an imperative tone.
For once tonight, she was glad of Molly's presence. She made the others leaving way easier.
"See you tomorrow," Hermione told Harry before she left.
"Good luck, mate," Ron told him.
Molly made sure all the other children left. Lily closed the door behind her once everyone was out except her and Harry. She approached him.
"How do you feel?" she asked.
"What do you think?" Harry replied, his voice monotone, as if crushed.
Lily felt sorry for him again. He hadn't been through something easy. Dementors already affected him more than most people, and he had been forced to fight in dire circumstances this time. He hadn't only happened to be close to them. They literally tried to kill him.
With her wand, she brought a chair nearby and sat down on it. Harry was already sitting on the border of a bed.
"I'm sorry, Harry," she said softly. "I'm sorry for what happened tonight. Someone should have been there to protect you."
"Was someone watching me ever since summer began?" he asked, a little edge in his voice.
"Yes."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
He blamed her. She could hear it in his voice. She looked down a moment before she replied. "I'm sorry. Dumbledore…"
"… told you to say nothing," he completed. "That's the same thing he told Ron and Hermione."
"Don't blame them. They had no choice," she said, defending his friends.
"And you? You couldn't tell me anything?"
She gulped. "We made mistakes, Harry. We believed… We mistakenly thought that it was better to tell you as little as possible."
"Why? You didn't trust me?"
"Of course, we do!" she snapped. She regretted it right away. If tonight there was one person she had no right to snap to, it was her son. He looked surprised, even hurt, and she continued immediately as her way to apologize. "We wanted to protect you… I wanted to protect you. I made the wrong choice. I… I guess that I thought I could give you a semblance of normal life during the summer."
"Normal life?" he asked, incredulous. "After what happened in June?"
It sounded stupid coming from his mouth. And it was stupid. "I don't know, Harry. Somehow, I thought I could better protect you by saying you as little as I could. Maybe I was wrong."
They remained there, silent, for a very long time. Harry looked at her for a very long time, and she could feel some anger boiling inside of him. But it didn't burst. So he looked down, like she did after a while, and they both remained like that for a long time, saying no word. Finally, Lily decided she had to break the ice.
"What do you want to know?"
Harry looked up at her in surprise. "What?"
"What do you want to know? I guess the others have already told you a few things, but… Ask me what you want. There are certain things I will not be able to tell you. Sometimes because I'm not sure myself of the answer. Sometimes because I simply cannot tell you. But I'll do my best."
Her son stared at her. He looked exhausted, just like she was. But she wanted to give him a chance to ask her everything he wanted before he went to bed. He earned this right.
"How is Susan doing?"
Lily was taken aback by the question. But after a second, it all made sense. In fact, she even felt guilty. Of course, Harry would think about her. When Lily arrived at the Abandoned Tower to bring Harry to the headquarters, she found him in Aurelius and Rosa's apartment, with Susan and both her parents. From his behaviour, she could tell that Harry felt uncomfortable in their presence. But above all, the young girl looked totally lost in the living room, barely saying a word as Lily almost dragged Harry out. She felt guilty for not thinking about the girl much. From what Harry told her, Susan was way more traumatized by the event than he was. She almost lost her soul in the encounter.
"I don't know," she confessed. "Tomorrow, I can stop by the Abandoned Tower to take her news, if you want," Lily offered.
Her son nodded. "Am I going to be expelled from Hogwarts?" he then asked, sounding worried.
"No, you will not," she replied, trying to convince herself as much as her son. "You had every right to use magic to defend yourselves. As long as Amelia Bones manages your hearing, you have nothing to fear. She will never punish you for using magic to save your lives."
He nodded again, not looking very convinced. Then he looked straight at her. "It was him? Voldemort?" It was useless to voice more precisions. Lily knew he was asking whether the attack was from him.
"We think so, yes."
"Where is he?" Harry suddenly looked way more alert than previously. "What is he doing? I've been asking you, reading newspapers, even watching Muggle news, and no one is saying anything about what he might be doing." He wanted answers now.
"Again, Harry, I'm sorry. I should have told you some of the things that were happening, at the very least. But if you're asking me why the news don't talk about Voldemort, well, it's because the Ministry wants everyone to believe he's still dead."
"But what is he doing? Voldemort murdered countless people the last time he was in power. Why is nothing happening? Why even Muggle news don't mention anything about strange deaths or accidents?"
"Because there haven't been strange deaths or accidents. Not yet. For the simple reason that Voldemort doesn't want to draw attention for now. He wants people to believe he is still gone. The Ministry's denial helps with his plans right now."
"Why? He wasn't hiding the last time, from what I can tell."
"Yes, but this time, things are different. Voldemort is not as powerful as he used to be. You were there when he came back, Harry, and you saw the people around him."
"Yes, I did. Malfoy, Macnair, Nott…"
"He only had his Death Eaters around him, Harry. And only a part of them. Many more, his most loyal and dangerous supporters, are still at Azkaban. Others didn't dare to come back, like Karkaroff. He might be back, but for the time being, he only has a small fraction of the troops he could rely on back in 1981."
"Which troops? I thought he managed to do a lot of damage by himself and his few Death Eaters."
"Yes, but even for someone as powerful as Voldemort, he cannot rule by himself. He cannot create as much chaos as the last time only by himself and with ten or twenty Death Eaters. Last time, he had thousands of wizards under his orders. The Death Eaters were only his closest servants. Many more followed him. People he bribed, or coerced into following him. Not to mention people submitted to the Imperius Curse. And then there were all the magical creatures who sided with him."
"Like the Dementors?"
"No. Last time, they didn't join Voldemort. But today, it is clear he wants them with him."
"Looks like he already succeeded," Harry pointed out.
"Yes. We thought he would need more time to bring them on his side, but we were clearly wrong. But the Dementors are not the only ones he will target. Giants, werewolves, maybe even trolls, not to mention the Inferi he might create. This is what he wants to do for now. Rebuild his army. And to achieve that, he needs to remain quiet. If he started to commit murders right away, even if Fudge refused to acknowledge his return, the rest of the wizarding community would start believing Dumbledore and may remove Fudge from office. And right now, Fudge is Voldemort's greatest ally as Minister of Magic."
"Do you believe that Fudge could be working for him? Or even be subjected to the Imperius Curse?"
"We doubt it. Voldemort doesn't need to control Fudge directly to make him do what he wants. As long as Fudge denies his return, Voldemort can operate relatively freely. The one person who prevents him from recruiting faster and to rebuild his army as quickly as he would like is Dumbledore."
"So… Dumbledore is really fighting Voldemort? The Order was really recreated? You're part of it?"
"Yes, I am. And like you could see, Sirius and Remus are part of it. Just like Nymphadora, Alastor, and many others."
"So… you're fighting Voldemort, aren't you? You're trying to stop him?"
"We try." She sighed. "So far, there hasn't been much fight. Like I told you, Voldemort remains discreet for now. He doesn't want people to believe he's still alive. At the same time, he's hiding from Dumbledore. Most of his Death Eaters are respected members of the wizarding world, so they cannot afford to present themselves as officially supporting Voldemort. They work in the dark, like we mostly do."
"So… what are you doing to stop him then?"
"We're gathering information on his whereabouts, and the whereabouts of his supporters. We're trying to stop him from recruiting more people and creatures into his army. We're also trying to convince as many people as we can that Voldemort is back, but this proves to be very difficult with Fudge denying his return and denigrating Dumbledore publicly."
"Yes, I know. I read the newspapers. They make him look as if he was an old idiot saying nonsense. How can everyone believe it? We're talking about Dumbledore."
"I'm afraid… this is part of the problem."
Harry frowned. "What?"
"Dumbledore is the person who's been trying to convince people that Voldemort is back. He thought, and we agreed with him, that if he was the one announcing Voldemort's return, then people were more likely to believe it. But Fudge went hard on him. He did everything he could to convince people that Dumbledore is an idiot. And sadly, it worked, for the most part."
"But why? It's Dumbledore. Why do people not believe him?"
"Because… Although people respect Dumbledore… He's always had a strange side, if you understand what I mean."
Harry nodded after an instant. "Yes, okay. He is funny, sometimes, but… It remains Dumbledore. People really think he would make jokes about something like that?"
"No, they don't. And that's part of the problem. People know that someone like Albus Dumbledore would never proclaim Voldemort's return if he wasn't being serious. But people are scared. You haven't lived through that time, Harry. Everyone who lived through the last war keeps horrible memories of that time. These were the darkest years of our history. The last thing they want is to go through another period like this. As for those who were too young to remember that era, well, for them, Voldemort is part of history, even a myth. He belongs to the past. The mere possibility that he is back looks totally impossible to them."
"But we faced him again years ago. People should know he's not dead now. Not with Dumbledore saying it, and with the events at the Quidditch World Cup, and Cedric's death. What? Do they think that Cedric killed himself?"
"People know about these things, but… The last thing they want is to face an age of terror like before. So when the Ministry and its allies in the Daily Prophet declare that Dumbledore doesn't know what he's saying, that he lost his mind, it is way more comfortable to believe that than to accept reality. And the Ministry and newspapers managed to depict Dumbledore as someone just stirring trouble, even trying to cover his own mistakes. They pinned the death of Cedric Diggory on him."
"It wasn't his fault."
"Of course not. But people feel way better to think Dumbledore is crazy rather than Voldemort is back."
"But… Why is the Daily Prophet supporting Fudge? They spent the last year criticizing the Ministry. Why are they on his side now?"
"Because the Daily Prophet is made of people as well. People who don't want to believe that Voldemort is back. The people who manage the newspaper are old. They were already adults in the middle of the last war, like Fudge was. And if there is someone in their organization who believes Dumbledore and wants to tell the truth, they are shut up by their superiors. So no one says anything, and Dumbledore finds himself alone, shouting in the desert."
Harry remained silent for a time. "So… Voldemort remains hidden, he's rebuilding his army, and you try to stop him. How?"
"We have our ways," Lily said. "We try to hamper the efforts of his Death Eaters, to keep track of their movements. We're also trying to protect the Ministry."
"Why? The Ministry doesn't believe that Voldemort is back, anyway."
"Yes, Harry, but if Voldemort and his supporters manage to infiltrate the Ministry, things will be way easier for them. As much as we may dislike Fudge, he's far better than Voldemort himself." She saw on her son's face that he agreed with her statement. "And there are good people within the Ministry who believe that Voldemort is back and who are also discreetly trying to stop him and his people. A Ministry headed by Fudge remains better than one controlled by Voldemort."
She could see again from Harry's reaction that he reluctantly agreed with her. Lily didn't say it with joy either. Ever since she started working for the Ministry, her opinion of Cornelius Fudge and his closest allies had not been good. When he was first elected, she was impressed by his initial decisions, many of them protecting both Muggles and vulnerable minorities within the magical world. Of course, she discovered soon enough that Dumbledore was behind this, playing the role of an unofficial adviser to Fudge. Lily found no problem with that. If Fudge listened to people like Dumbledore, it could only mean a Ministry better managed.
But after she began her Auror training, Lily's opinion of the new Minister slowly degraded. First, she viewed him as a politician. Then he turned into a corrupted politician. Finally, he became paranoid and so attached to his power that he was ready to do literally anything to keep it, even to break the laws and endanger other people's lives.
"And you? What have you been doing?" Harry suddenly asked her.
Here came the most difficult moments. That was when they would enter specifics, where Lily had to be careful. She sighed, regretting she had to hide things from Harry and tired at the prospect of carefully choosing every word she would say.
"I collect information on the Ministry. The Order tries to have as many people within the Ministry, to prevent Voldemort from infiltrating it and to be better informed on Fudge's intentions. I guess you heard that he removed Dumbledore from his positions in the Wizengamot and the International Confederation of Wizards."
"Yes. It was hard to miss," Harry commented gloomily.
"We believe that he's preparing more against Dumbledore. There are talks to remove his Order of Merlin, but some people around Fudge are even secretly discussing about arresting him."
"What?" Harry didn't seem to believe his ears. "They want to arrest Dumbledore. Why?"
"Because Fudge is persuaded that Dumbledore wants to become Minister of Magic in his place."
From Harry's facial expression, Lily saw he found the idea just as ridiculous as she did. "But Dumbledore doesn't want to become Ministry of Magic! He's refused the position, what, ten times?"
"Of course, Dumbledore doesn't want to be Minister. But Fudge is so set in refusing Voldemort is back and afraid to lose his position that he convinced himself Dumbledore was his enemy. He doesn't want to fight Voldemort, so he imagined another enemy who is easier to fight."
"That's ridiculous!"
"It is," Lily confirmed. "And sadly, Fudge is getting worse each day. The more he hears about Dumbledore or Voldemort, the more he refuses to face the truth and the more he turns against Dumbledore. And we suspect that some Death Eaters like Lucius Malfoy are nourishing his paranoia. Which is not good as you can imagine."
Harry seemed to agree. "So what? Right now, it's a play of cat and mouse? Death Eaters can roam freely and do whatever they want while you try to avoid the Ministry?"
"In part," Lily conceded. "But not entirely. The Death Eaters are not as free as they seem. They must be careful as well, not raise suspicions. They know we are tracking them and spying on their activities, and even if Fudge is not suspicious about them, some people in the Ministry are, and they are not as welcomed as they necessarily used to be in certain circles. Dumbledore is not the only one who publicly revealed Voldemort's return. Bartemius Crouch Senior said it as well when he was forced to leave the Ministry, in quite a spectacular way. And although the Ministry does everything to discredit him as well, people can't ignore that Dumbledore and a former high official of the Ministry both believe in Voldemort's return. Fudge and his small circle may be sure that Voldemort is gone, but other people in the Ministry are still being more careful. They do not trust former Death Eaters like Malfoy or Macnair as much as they used to. And some Death Eaters cannot take action in plain day yet either. Bartemius Crouch Junior is forced to hide as well, just like his master."
"And… you're trying to catch him?"
"Yes," she confirmed. She sighed. In fact, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was trying to capture him as well through an operation that was secret even to Cornelius Fudge, but she couldn't give too many details to Harry again. "We're trying to find him. So far, I'm afraid we haven't been successful. One of the things that worry us the most is if Voldemort manages to free his supporters who are in Azkaban. They are even more dangerous than the ones currently free."
"And if he managed to free them… You believe he will start murdering again?"
Lily closed her eyes, thinking about the dark times of fourteen years ago. "We believe so. He will not remain hidden forever. He will reconstitute his forces, then when he judges the time is right and his enemies are at their weakest point… he will strike. He had over thirteen years to think about how he would return."
"And… once he… Once he reveals himself… What do you think will happen?"
"Well… I expect we will have another era of terror like last time. People disappearing, mysterious murders, individuals submitted to the Imperius Curse who begin to behave abnormally… This is going to be a war… Not a war like those described in the history books… Voldemort doesn't wage war directly. Even if his existence is known, he will continue to hide and operate in the shadows, striking from them when people least expect it."
Like when he came in their house to murder Lily's entire family.
"You? What are you doing?" Harry asked her.
She pursed her lips. She was tired. And she was tired of hiding things to her son. But there were things she couldn't reveal to him. However, this…
"Look, Harry… I cannot tell you anything specific but… I'm chasing a Death Eater."
That was the most she could tell. But this was enough for her son. "Crouch Junior? Like last year?"
"I cannot tell you. Look." She stood up and began pacing. "There are things other people in the Order are doing that I don't know, even myself. Since Wormtail betrayed us last time, we decided it was better to keep some operations and information confidential. Dumbledore is the only one who really knows everything that's going on in the Order. At least, that's what I think. And… we don't tell you everything because the more you know, the most likely you are to be targeted by Voldemort to extract information from you. Or to inadvertently let some information slip to the wrong people. Voldemort's supporters may be spying on all of you."
"I think he's already spying on me," Harry said. Lily couldn't deny this. "So… what am I going to do? Just hide here?"
Lily sighed. She was so exhausted. "First, you will go to your disciplinary hearing at the Ministry. To ensure you can go back to Hogwarts in September."
"You think I will go back?" There was an ounce of uncertainty in his voice.
"Dumbledore will be there to defend you at the hearing." This information seemed to immediately increase Harry's hopes, judging from his traits. "Look, after the Dementors attacked you, we cannot take any risk. You will stay here until school resumes, and then… You will continue studying at Hogwarts."
This seemed to lift his spirits as well. But Lily thought she was done for now. Her son looked exhausted just like she was.
"We should get some rest," she said. "The night has been long. For both of us."
"Okay," Harry replied, resigned.
Harry stood up and went to lie down on the bed right away, without changing. Lily didn't mind. There were more important things than putting on pyjamas right now. She opened the door and looked back at her son.
"Good night, my dear."
She didn't know whether he didn't reply to her because he was too exhausted or because he was already asleep, but she closed the door carefully behind her.
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Next chapter: a new (and unexpected) POV