Never too Serious 4 - (DCverse, SI)
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Link: ko-fi DOT com /justbukharin
It's night. It was the club. The Iceberg Lounge is a fancy place. Mind you all, of all investments I could truly praise the Penguin for, the Lounge is the one.
A nightclub in Gotham, one of those fancy ones, was meant to get a lot of cash. Like, a lot. I wasn't sure how expensive the entire operation was, but since it was the finest money-laundering schemes for other nefarious money-making criminal affairs, I guess that wasn't truly a concern.
Not to the Penguin, at least.
I didn't go there alone. Normal grunts wouldn't do, but that's why Bane was around. He had previously visited the place- hell, he was a regular customer. The thing is that Bane was hitting a 'transition period' where he is becoming less of a crime boss and more like 'should I quit or not'. So, he was fine with being a guard, but that's where he drew a line.
Dunno if this was a 'canon event' or not. I just knew that was the case, and that it worked well enough for me.
So, Iceberg Lounge. The fee was not cheap. But the basic refreshment was free. Anything above ten bucks by regular market was to be paid extra. A bit of a robbery, but that 1% checking the place loved it. I wasn't anywhere near that, nor I wanted to to begin with.
Then again, we didn't even need to wait much that one of the tall guards came by and asked for me to come along. I knew Cobblepot had needed only a quick glance to let me in. I wasn't the smiling monster that anyone with common sense would think twice before approaching.
Yet, I bet I was freaking him out as I was that one Joker without a damn smile on my face.
The walk was brief, but then I was asked to enter alone the room. A bit worrisome, but I nodded at Bane. Maybe the Penguin wanted to play 'tall' by having a one-on-one with me. It sounded about right. I had a gun anyway, and I could tell those hideous clawy fingers could be any faster than my trained hand.
Yet, as I stepped inside the office and the door closed behing me, I realized this wasn't the case.
First, a vine suddenly rushed at me after slithering by the floor, wrapping around my leg and suddenly yanking me around until I was upside down and glancing right at a certain frowning blonde.
"Hm..."
I blinked. "Hello, Harley. And Ivy."
"Cobblepot, the fuck?"
"These two are quite 'persuasive' when they want," The short bastard remarked, shrugging cheekily and I felt a scowl appear on my face.
"So... what's the story here? Did you get hired by him to play the part or-"
"Killed him. Hopefully in a permanent enough fashion," I interrupted the girl. "And to be sure of it and list out how: I shot him in the face multiple times, burned his corpse, the charred thing went through high-density acid until it fully dissolved and then I disposed of the acid so that nothing truly remains of the bastard."
...
...
"Neat."
I expected a bit more than just neat, but then I found the vine holding me shifted to put me closer to Ivy.
"Quick question, are you planning to nag at Harley?"
"Nope."
The redhead raised a surprised eyebrow. "Any particular reason? I need to know since-"
"I really don't have a bone to pick with Harley, that was my predecessor's business and I have no reason to nag at her at all. Heck, I would bless your situation since, you know, I don't need to get more trouble on my ass."
"Sounds fair and... you are being honest," She mumbled, turning to Harley and the blonde... was giving me one of the most thoughtful looks imaginable. "So?"
"Why?" Harley asked.
"One too many bad days. But instead of crying or laughing, I decided it was time to be a bit more direct in the resolution. Then again, I am surprised no one thought of what I did. Guy was scouting people that were down the drain, and struggling in most part because of his dumb shit."
"That's his charm," She remarked quietly, then sighing. "Well, I am bummed. He doesn't sound like a madman."
"That's because you don't know my plans. I think. I doubt that Pottie there would be that expressive of his business collabs."
"Don't call me 'Pottie', you shitty clown," The Penguin snapped, the silence from him revoked as he got on my ass. "I ain't even sure I want to go ahead with that plan of yours-"
"But then you would be missing on that sweet income you're making with your yacht scheme, Pottie," I interrupted dryly, the short fuck pausing at my words. "Sure thing, I reached out for ya because you were the first on the list, but you aren't the only one I can ask to. A backstab can be enough to see your little pretty iceberg go down worse than the Titanic. Either that, or I can get you cancelled on the internet, it all depends on how I decide to wreck you."
Ivy blinked as she carefully had me released. I had to turn to not fall head first, but I was soon walking up to his desk, fists slamming on it.
"Threats don't work on-"
KA-BOOM!
A distant explosion echoed through Gotham, and I gave a quick look at my wristwatch. "Took a bit longer than I wanted but... oh well, that's the thing. I am not threatening you, Pottie, I am telling you that I am in no rush to see this done through. I want this city fixed, no more Batman and no more Mafia-playing with the locals. Gotham can be corrupt, but it will not be the playground for idiots anymore."
I leaned back, "How's the Roman? I hope you actually were able to do at least that for your own sake?"
Cobblepot was still recoiling from my little stunt, eyes narrowing at my lack of 'unease' at his glaring.
"He's singing."
"Glad to hear that. And I expect that we can all be friends about this since, while I am not smiling like a madman, that doesn't mean I care much about morality over your little plotting, Penguin. I don't have smiles for people like us, but I sure as well have a bone to pick with society."
...
"I'll keep in touch. Once you feel you have enough trash on the mayor, do give me a call."
I walked out of the door, Bane soon shadowing me and...
"Why are you following me, by the way?" I hummed, glancing over my shoulder to see Harley and Ivy keeping close behind.
"We were leaving too," Ivy pointed out. "Plus, kind of surprised you are not planning to blow up a hospital or something of the kind."
"That's because one of those 'games' made me what I am now. I am not him to the fullest, but..." I looked forward. "Someone will always claim this title. The Joker. It's either me, or some cracko from the past that was somehow forced to 'become' the Joker due to crazy reasons. I am... just warming the chair one last time before the Revolving Door is broken."
The term was an unofficial one used to define how all villains ended up in Arkham. Well, most of them, at least. The idea was that 'if the worst offender can be saved through Arkham, then other criminals can'. Plus there was the fact most of the thugs taken by Batman were brought to the police with limited proof of their crimes.
Small fishes were quick to get released, which is why most weren't that terrified of what happened after being captured. It wasn't resignation to a lengthy sentence that drove their calm demeanor, it was the awareness they would be free in no time.
"...That sounds fun."
"No." "No."
Ivy was the first one to say it, but she appeared just as surprised as she heard me mirror her feeling on the matter.
"Look, I appreciate the interest but... Harley, with all due respect, you just got in a stable situation."
"I-"
"And I get it, I sound like this 'ideal version of Mr. Jay', but I am not interested in having an Harley Quinn right now. I need just to have people that aren't too deep about it. And you definitely need to enjoy some peace with the whole Suicide Squad thingy."
There was a lengthy pause at that, and I saw the two sharing a look before Harley sighed.
"Fiiine, but that doesn't mean you're off the hook just yet, buster. Wanna see if you're going to keep up this 'good talking'."
I shrugged. "Sounds fine by me."
The two were soon off to their own way as I stopped with Bane by the entrance of the Lounge. I was thinking of what to do next. I looked up by instinct, feeling watched, and I saw a certain shape looking down on me.
"Hm."
He wasn't going to strike me, I doubt he had much on me to do anything about it. I wasn't in the middle of a crime so... I just left off. Was he giving chase? I wasn't sure, I just walked at the nearest parking lot where my car was waiting for me, I paid Bane and I left without him.
The car had dark windows so I doubted the Batman had any clue which one I took, but I still looked around out of unease. Nothing. Maybe I had shook him off from my back (for now). But I resolved to just slep for the remainder of the night and do nothing else.
The next day I took for a walk, expecting to be cornered by Batman or something but... I wasn't. In fact, the only meaningful development was meeting Olive and... her mother. I finally met the girl's only alive parent, and I finally realized what I was dealing with.
"I-I am so sorry for my daughter. I understand she can be a handful and-"
"None of that, Ms. Silverlock. I understand that you are a busy woman and Olive has been a polite child."
Sybil Silverlock.
Which meant that I was dealing with the descendants of Amity Arkham, crazy wrathful spirit that turned her female descendants into the fire-wielding 'Calamity' villain. And from what I remember, the death of Sybil's husband was one of the signs that she was truly losing control to Amity.
She had dark bags under her eyes, and I could tell that she looked extremely tired.
"I... I am glad to hear that."
"Miss, you sure you are alright? You look like you went through a marathon or something."
"I-It's fine, really, no... no need to be worried," She replied, but her voice was giving off the opposite of what her words were trying to imply.
"Let's just take a seat, miss."
She looked unsure, but Sybil nodded as she saw the concerned look on her daughter's face. So, we sat by a nearby bench, and she looked a bit at ease now that she wasn't standing.
I couldn't exactly call out the fact she was a ticking bomb, not until I had a way to fully contain the 'blast' that may soon ensue. Still, I couldn't leave the kid with her mother if she was truly losin control so...
"Oh, I used to work as a babysitter. See, the whole gear I got is because kids like either the Joker and the Batman nowadays. If you need any help-"
"I-I wouldn't want to impose... but if it's possible starting today..."
"I wouldn't mind, miss."
I was kind of lucky her mind wasn't fully focused. Sybil just was so drained that it was clear she wasn't anywhere near 'sober'. So... I now could have Olive around a bit more than usual as the woman used this chance to go back home to work there.
And this is how I got my loyal little and most adorable plan-checker, as Olive sure loved looking into 'evil plans' and trying to make them work. All without hurting people, that is.
AN
Olive is... Olive Silverlock! Yes, there's no reason to storm me with that! Ugh! Still, Olive is still a kid, and one that has yet to become a brooding teenager that can't handle her powers.
Also, her mother is unstable and... in need of a 'savior'. Uh, what? Why would I say no to a widowed milf? Heh.