Veela Inheretence

by anon hufflepuff

SNARRY An entrance into the world of creature inheretence and in this book Harry needs to learn how to deal with it along with the events of 6th and 7th year. CANON. His want for a mate is pushed aside and little does he know his mate has pushed him aside too, on the word of an old fool. BAD DUMBLEDORE. warnings inside.

1. Veela Inheretence

Ok I'm going to Put the warnings for the entire trilogy here as there is nothing worse than starting something and then not being able to finish it because it goes a way you didn't expect or triggers something.

book 1

light swearing

child abuse.

brief implication of rape

book 2

mxm sexual acts.

implied rape, almost rape, described trauma from nearly being raped.

swearing.

mention of mpreg.

book 3

swearing.

mxm sexaul acts

mpreg

This is my version of veela and not canon. This book will follow canon through 6th and 7th year at least the major events. This also goes into the realm of Fantasy fiction by the second book and delves deep in the third. So there is that to consider as well.

enjoy

km

Harry looked out of the window of number 4 privet drive. The night was oily and dark he could just make out the trees waving in the wind. The back garden fences of the small landscape. The stars glinting in the sky but the moon not visible. It was crazy he didn't know why he did it to himself. Every year he sat and waited for his birthday and this year was no acception. Every year he hoped it would be better than the last. That his family if you could call it that, would do something for him. Anything rather than hand him an old pair of socks or begrudgingly give him a pound. He thought about Sirius..how his birthday may have been different this year. A tear slid down his cheek.

At the strike of midnight he held his breath before sighing it back out through his teeth. Happy birthday to me, he whispered before the wrenching pain screamed through his back. He gasped as the feeling of white hot pokers scoured across his skin. Making it arch and then making his body writhe on his bed. A distant screaming. Harry realised it must be him as the lights from the neighbours suddenly turned on. Large fat foot falls coming from the bedroom opposite and into the hall.

Oh no. No no nono. He thought as thick hands could be heard on his door and uncle Vernon's cursing under his breath came to his ears. He could do no more than allow his body to jerk on the bed the pain slowly subsiding. It ended as the door swung open and a large figure entered the room

"What are you screaming about boy." A dark voice hissed as the figure came closer. Harry now with control of his body scooted away from the figure trying to get distance between him and it. Tried to escape from those bruising petrifying hands.

"Fucking freak." His uncle bellowed taking a swipe at the boys head. The hit made stars appear in Harry's eyes. They danced in different shades for a moment. Before more blows fell.

"I'm sick and tired of you, you little freak." Uncle Vernon scream whispered to Harry grabbing hold of his ankle and pulling him closer toward him so that he could land more blows. He punched him in the side, the back, the head and the arms, peppering him with blow upon blow. Harry covered his head to protect himself but he couldn't protect his whole body even curling into himself didnt protect him from everything.

A fist landed on his ribs and a loud pop of bone breaking sounded in the room. His uncle was breathing hard and staring down at him tiny piggy eyes gleaming in the star light as the neighbours lights started turning off again.

"That should teach you. Consider it a gift for your birthday." He hissed at him before leaving the room, slamming the door and locking it.

So much for my birthday. Harry felt hot tears stream down his face. It was hard to breath. A gurgle in his chest with every outward breath. His mind started to panic. He was in real trouble this time. He pulled himself across the bed and wincing with a low moan on his lips he grabbed his glasses and his wand. He needed help real help. He set the hospital in his mind. He was only 17. He had never aparated before he wished he knew more than theory. He twisted in the bed and felt the weird sensation before he landed on cold stone flag stone.

He looked up. The room was pretty quiet but people were at the desk. He cried out in pain and loss for any hope he could ever have had of anything normal. Tears streaked down his face. Then blackness took over.

--'--

Severus awoke. The pain blooming in his chest, his back, his heart. He took a steadying breath resisting the urge to curl up into himslef to protect his body. Each pain seemed to come down on him like fists. He was left breathless. Finding it hard to breath but eventually he mastered himself and pushed the pain into the box in his head. It would have good company in there at least.

Sighing he checked the time. It was only 12.07 in the morning. It would seem his mate had finally come into their inheritance. What an entrance he thought to himslef.

Images of raven curls and big green eyes flashed before him. He shut out the images. Turned away from them. Don't touch those raw spots on his soul. A death eater and a student. If they were just coming into there inheritance now then they must be a student, somewhere at least. The thought curled into his stomach.

A child.

This would never be allowed. A death eater and their mate was bad enough. He had had problems even getting a job until Dumbledore offered. What life could he give a young mate anyway. He sighed.

--'--

Waking at the hospital Harry wasn't even vaguely surprised at the sea of red hair surrounding his bed. Hermione stepped forward.

"Are you ok Harry." She breathed looking worried for her friend. He reached up and caught her hand squeezing it lightly.

"I am now." He said simply.

"Those blasted muggles" Molly's voice was louder more veherment. "What did they do."

"Beat the freak I think they call it." Hermione groaned at his side when he said that.

"What happened." She asked a look of concern on her face.

"Nothing had to happen. Its literally their past time. " He muttered but went red at the thought of the fact something definitely had happened but he just didn't know what.

Harry noticed Ron approaching with cups of coffee. He handed one out to Harry who thanked him profusely. He stood and stared at him for a moment. Slight frown on his face before speaking.

"Mate you look different what happened last night."

Hermione looked down at him. She had a crease between her brows as well and George's head popped around her shoulder to give him a look. Molly bustled over to see what the fuss was about and she slightly gasped at the look of him.

"Harry dear. Did you come into an inheritance on your birthday."

"I, I don't know" Harry stammered. Not even quite sure what one was. It meant he had creature blood he guessed but how was he supposed to know what was happening it wasn't like he had anyone left to talk to about it.

A door creaked open and into the room bustled a small and bespectacled witch.

"Hello my name is healer Hanson. I have been assigned your healer for today." She looked about the room. "I will need you to wait outside while I discuss treatment with the patient. "

Harry's heart sank low. He didn't want to do this on his own. He watched as everyone started to shuffle out of the room. "Wait can I have my step mum and sister stay please. " He almost begged the witch. Molly shot him a pleased look. So glad to be referred to as someone important. Hermione looked at him. Confused the only girl in the room. Harry held his hand out to her.

"Yes that's fine." As the rest shuffled out of the room and gathered just outside by the window. Hermione and Molly sank down in the chairs next to the bed.

"Right. Well Mr Potter you had quite a bad beating." She frowned. " Your veela should heal you up much faster than would be normal though. Your rib has been set and healed and although you are I'm sure aching. You should be fine to go back home." She beamed at him and who she thought was family. Harry turned his eyes to Molly pleading to her silently begging her not to send him back to that hell hole he came from. Her eyes softened more looking at his helplessness.

"He will come home with us I think. The family he was with did this too him. Harry dear you can stay with us."

"Wait" Harry said as the doctor nodded and made her way to the door. " I'm a veela? " He asked perplexed.

"well yes Mr Potter you came into your inheritance at midnight of your 17th. As most magical creatures do." The realisation dawned on her of who she was speaking too. " Oh I'm so sorry Mr Potter. You would not of known." She blushed slightly and then came to the end of the bed. " Your father or mother or both must have had the gene. From my understanding it must of been dormant for a few generations." She explained and patted his foot "If there is anything else you need to know please ask."

He nodded at her not sure what to do with this new information. As she left he turned to Hermione. "Can I see a mirror please Mione." She nodded to him and conjured a mirror handing it to him. He gazed at himslef for a minute. His features were different more feminine. His skin was softer. freckles played across his cheekbones and nose. His eyes seemed bigger. He also noticed his jaw was more defined more squared off. More masculine as well as his brows. The mop of hair on his head that was always unruly was now a mop of raven curls. He sighed and put it down.

"Whats wrong dear." Molly turned to him at the sound. Wanting to comfort him. She laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I can't decide if I'm cute or manly. this is all to much. what does it all even mean."

"I would say you're."

"Cute with manly"

"Over tones." The twins chuckled as they entered and Harry rolled his eyes at them before smiling.

"Yeah mate it could be worse you could have a beak and feathers." Ron said saddling up to the bed. Hermione hit him as he approached. "Oi what was that for Mione."

"Your a prat Ron." She said with a withering stare.

Molly cleared her throat. "Let's get you home Harry. We can postpone our trip to the alley until tomorrow. Let's get you settled first. " Everyone moaned and groaned about this. Pleading with their mum. "No honestly Harry's health is more important." She sighed with frustration at their behaviour.

"Honestly molly I will be fine you heard the healer. I just need some clothes. I can't exactly go out in Dudleys old pyjamas. " He grinned around the room as everyone cheered.

Shortly after, sore and slightly tired Harry was bustled out into muggle London surounded by the Weasleys. chattering and making mischief. Sporting a hoodie and a pair of jeans from Ron's wardrobe Harry felt almost normal if it wasn't for his bandaged and slightly throbbing ribs. He allowed himself to get swept around Diagen Alley. From one shop to another. pleased that he had the time to really look around.

School books were brought and robes and clothes were ordered. Eventually they all split up to go and do some personal shopping and Harry took the opportunity to drag Ron and hermione back to the book shop. Ron groaned when he saw where they were going.

"Mate we have just been in there."

"I know mate but I need to get a book on veela, how else will I learn." He questioned. Ron nodded to this. It was a fair point and they hurried over.

"Harry" Hermione called 10 minutes later. "I think this book will cover the basics until we can get to the school library" She said waving the book in the air. He beamed at her.

"Thanks Mione."

After making the purchase Ron dragged them to the sweet shop, the quiditch shop, and the joke shop. Harry pushed his pain away and enjoyed his afternoon with his friends. Getting swept up into the heady freedom of being there with them.

Back at the burrow he put his purchases away in to his and Ron's room and sat on his little camp bed turning the book over in his hands. It was small and slim with a plain black cover. Veela embossed in gold on the front. then a thought struck him his stuff was still at Privett Drive. How could he be so stupid he couldn't replace it all. he sighed and laid on the bed. What to do, what to do. He looked up at the ceiling.

pop.

Startling, Harry sat up fast and then groaned and grabbed his ribs. "Dobby." He wheezed as the elf rushed over.

"Master Harry Potter sir." He cried throwing his arms around Harry who suddenly felt the deceptively strong arms wrapped around him and squeeze. "Dobby is so sorry to frighten you sir." He wailed.

"Dobby" He breathed in the bruising grip. "Your hurting me." Dobby threw himself across the room..

"I'm so sorry master Harry potter sir." He wailed again and yanked on an ear. "Dobby just brought your stuff master Harry Potter sir from the bad mugglss house."

Harry sighed spotting the trunk. Then a wide smile spread across his face. "Thank you Dobby so much. That is amazing. Your truly a good friend." He beamed at the elf who almost fainted from the beauty of the sight.

"Thank you Harry Potter sir. Dobby is always glad to be of service." He answered slightly breathlessly before popping away.

Harry laid back again on the bed trying to find a comfortable position before he opened up his book. He flicked through the pages. Not wanting to read the full thing there and then..Eyes skimming until they got caught by a chapter page and so he read on.

Mates/Soul mates/Bonding.

Veela mates can be a long and arduous to discover for the veela in question. Whether the veela will be dominant or submissive is determined by the quality of the mate that has been selected. The veela will select the mate thats soul completes their own. A veela will recognise there soul mate or mate from the calming aura that surrounds them in there presence.

This chapter will explore. The intricacy of mates, soul mates and the bonding rituals associated with...

"Dinner is on the table. " Molly calls up the stairs. The sound of feet running from different rooms is shortly followed. He groans and sits up and places the book under his pillow to look at later before making his way downstairs.

--'--

The pain severus's chest eases throughout the day but throbs. He had tried to keep pushing it aside but it always seemed to creep back to him. What was his mate doing he wondered. Where was he and what was he thinking of.

He sighed inwardly and then stirred the potion infront of him 6 times counter clockwise before smartly changing directions and stirring another 8 times clockwise.

--'--

The week past in a normal Weasley way. George and Fred flitted in and out setting up their shop. They seemed to be vying to see who could make Harry laugh more. Ron would show off in a goofy manner whenever his brothers were around and once Harry caught him staring at him in the morning as he slept. He sat under a tree with his book in hand. Surely there was something in this that would help. Ah here it was.

The Allure.

To whatever gender the veela is attracted too many will fight for their attention. They may also be stunned to much to speak in their presence. This can be a blessing and a curse. A veela that doesn't have control of there allure may find themselves in some difficult situations.

In this chapter we will be covering the power of allure as well as the dangers. With exercises of how to control and manipulate there power.

Harry sat stunned for a minute and skimmed the first line. This couldnt mean. did this mean. Was Harry gay. He stared blankly at the page for a moment. He couldnt be gay. It was true that he had been noticing more men than women. His mates would talk about girls and their observations but Harry's eyes would often drift to Dean and Seamus who spent most nights kissing on one of their beds. I'm gay. Harry thought stunned at the realisation. Then he really thought about it was it that stunning. He had often thought about Malfoy. There fights and back forth had always thrilled him. He would often watch a certain professor as well through his eyelashes as he walked about his class correcting those around him.

Harry was gay he decided. It was a realisation that felt right as it clicked into his head. He wasn't only gay but quite liked snidy sarcastic men he realised. He wondered what would happen at school. What if Malfoy was his mate. What if it was someone who didn't challenge him the way his professor did. Easily making him blush with his dulcet tones. Not just from the scathing words that tumbled and crashed out of them. He sighed.

"You alright mate." Ron said plopping down next to him.

"Yeah I think so I just realised something." Harry said blushing when he realised he would have to explain further.

"Whats that then." Ron asked fluttering a hand over Harry's shoulder before laying it in his lap.

"I'm gay." Harry almost whispered. He knew his friend may not understand but then the way he had been acting maybe he would, he mused. His friend blushed slightly.

"Thats OK mate. Nothing wrong with that." He brushed his arm then, maybe comfort maybe something else. Harry rose away from him getting up and staring down at his friend.

"Thanks mate I'm glad you feel that way." He said and smiled down before leaving. A Groan sounded from his friends direction. Yeah, Harry thought. I need to read the rest of this chapter and learn how to control this. It was just getting weird.

--'--

Walking through the bustling station. Harry was unsure on how to proceed. To find his mate. He needed to keep a close eye out the more he concentrated on that the more his walls unravelled and the more his allure leaked out. The chapter on allure had many stark warnings and he really didn't want to test what would happen if he allowed it to uncoil from his body in a place that was this crowded. He hoped that he would sense a calm aura as he walked through the crowd. That was the best that he could hope for he surmised. Pushing through the wall to platform nine and 3/4s he was sourounded by aura. He pushed through the crowd and then waited for the customary hug from Molly before getting on the train with Ron and Hermione.

"Harry are you ok. That must of been hard." Hermione said sitting opposite him. Ron sitting on her left. He huffed out a breath..

"It was overwhelming. I don't know what I thought would happen. My mate standing by the train." He laughed at his own stupidity. "I wouldn't of been able to find them in that even if they were there. It was just all to much."

He turned and waved out of the window as the train began to move. Molly waving back as the others joined. Ginny showed at the door once they were on their way followed by Luna and Neville. They all greeted each other and settled into to talking about their summer.

"Harry you seem different" Luna said dreamily to him. So he explained to Neville and her what had been going on. They were angry at his relatives and then shocked that he was a veela. It kind of made sense though Neville conceded as he had changed quite a bit.

The trolley came round and as usual harry brought everyone some treats. He laughed as Ron who acted like he had never eaten before shoved a whole pumpkin pastie into his mouth.

"what" He mumbled around the food as everyone joined in with Harry. The door swished open and everyone turned to see who the new arrival was. Draco Malfoy leant up against the door of the carriage flanked by Crabbe and Goyle, sneer plastered on his face.

" Oh look who it is lads. " He sneered looking at them all in turn. "If it isn't Potter and his fan girls." He glared at Harry. He wasn't sure why he did it..but he did. Maybe just to see what happened. He looked him in the eye and showed him a wide and beautiful smile pushing all his allure into one simple moment.

Draco stuttered and stood up straight blushing from his neck to his hair line. Harry beamed at him again. Draco straightened his clothes and stared wild eyed.

"Hello malfoy" He said his voice low. "Can we help you" The boy stammered again and went even redder before rushing away from them. His goons following confused behind. It took a moment for everyone to realise what had happened and they laughed so hard it echoed to the toilet Draco had locked himself in.

"Harry you need to be careful." Hermione turned to him and whispered as the others settled down. Either reading or chatting amongst themselves "It's dangerous. you don't want to antagonise anyone." She looked truly concerned and Harry knew it was from a place of love.

" Its OK hermione it was one time. You have to admit it was worth it. " He beamed at her.

"You need to remember that smile doesn't work on me." She pointed out. "But OK just be careful this isn't a toy to be played with." He rolled his eyes before nodding that he understood. He turned to Neville and drew him into a conversation about the coming year.

The group chatted and played exploding snap until finally Hermione said they were close. Quickly changing they waited as the train slowed down. A happy buzzing in Harry's chest. He was home and not only was he home but he may find his mate he beamed.

--'--

Dumbledore sat to his right and Fillius on his left he could think of a hundred things he would rather be doing than the sorting feast right this second. One of them being drowning. He watched as this year's torture devices walked into the hall. Sneering as he watched the little brats walking in and smiling at each other chatting. This would be a difficult year like any other. He sighed inwardly.

"Is that Harry Potter." Dumbledore said. His half moon spectacles half way down his nose as he looked over the hall. Severus sighed again inwardly. Then looked in the direction the headmaster was facing.

There was the golden trio. Ron and Hermione in the lead. Looking back at a boy with curly raven hair and big green eyes. Freckles spread across his nose. It didn't look like the Potter brat.

"Do we have any arrivals for their year maybe it's a new student. Certainly not Potter."

"No, no we definitely dont and I don't see him anywhere else. Minerva." He turned away from Severus. " Is that, is that Harry." He asked tentatively.

After a silent moment in which he imagined Minerva staring over the hall. she responded. " I don't see how but I don't see him anywhere and his already got a gryfindor tie, if he was new he would definitely need to be sorted. "

"Potter is probably just late. He likes to make an entrance." Severus rolled his eyes. "This is probably just an old student who had used to much attraction potion."

Why had he said that. Attractive. It wasn't even the name of a potion he shock himself inwardly waiting for a comment from the others. But none came and the evening proceeded. He watched as after the main meal Minerva made her way down to the gryfindor table to go and see what she could find out. Severus over dinner had surveyed the hall at intervals noticing the looks that this boy was getting. At times it almost seemed like his own eyes couldn't move from him. He rose from the table as Minerva made her way back and was about to leave.

"Severus wait a second." She called. Before coming and joining him next to the headmaster who turned to join the conversation.

"It is Harry. " She said slightly breathless. she turned to dumbledore. "His a veela. I think you may need to meet with him tonight." Her words made a suggestion her voice broke no arguments. Severus nodded in curt agreement and stared at Dumbledore for a moment. "I cuncor." He said before sweeping his way out of the room.

--'--

"Harry you need to control yourself people are staring." Hermione hissed in his ear. Ron was looking at him strangely and he was really trying to do his best at this point.

"I'm trying Mione. It's not easy. Everyone always stares and it shatters my concentration the more attention the more it shatters and the more I get. " He sighed deeply. It dawned on him that this was not going to be an easy year.

"Can you feel anything of your mate at least." She asked in anticipation. Dean was staring Harry noticed and seamus was getting upset. This is so awkward.

"No and I'm not sure I will in all this. I'm not sure I should keep looking." She gave him a shocked look. " Mione with everything going on gallivanting about and looking for something or someone isn't going to solve anything is it. It's not like I will die if I don't find them straight away maybe I should concentrate on what is infront of me rather than chasing a mate."

She looked at him sadly. "Rather than chasing happiness. Oh Harry. You deserve happiness so much don't give up on it after two weeks."

"I'm not giving up but for all I know they could be across the planet or not even born yet. That happens as well Hermione. " He sighs suddenly not wanting his pudding he pushes it away. He pulls everything he can back around himself again. But hermione speaking again pulls his attention.

"Professor how are you how was your summer." Hermione had turned and was talking to professor McGonagal. Harry turned as well and gave her a small smile.

"I'm well miss Granger it was a good break how was yours." She replied her gaze shifting between her and Harry.

"It was good wasn't it Harry. We spent the last two weeks at the burrow. " McGonagal turned to him with wide eyes. He blushed maybe she hadn't even recognised him he realised.

"Well it was a bit of a traumatic experience in parts for me I have to admit Hermione, but the last few weeks have been great." He smiled up at his head of house. Willing Her to say something. She stared for just a moment.

"I would really like to hear about it in more depth maybe we should visit the headmaster after dinner Harry." He nodded at least this way it was over with in one day. He watched as she walked off and went to talk to Snape and Dumbledore. Snape then swept out of the room looking every bit as regal and terrifying as usual. He grinned again.

"Oi potter." Seamus called down the table." Can you please turn that down." He was holding Dean down in his chair who was looking at him again.

"Sorry, sorry. " He called and pulled himself back in once again.

Not long after the meal was done and he looked up at the table expectantly. Dumbledore gave his usual speech and as the first years were being gathered by the prefects to be taken to the tower, McGonagal swooped down to his part of the table and led him from the hall. They swept through the castle and up to the headmasters office. She whispered the password to the gargoyle and they went up into the office.

"Harry, it's good to see you my boy. I feel like there is much to discuss." Dumbledore said the instant he was in the room. Sitting at his desk his eyes not quite managing to twinkle. He indicated the seats before him. An indication he wanted Harry to sit. "Now my boy please tell us what is going on."

Harry sat and told them of his summer.

It felt weird to tell them all of what had happened considering he had never really spoken about his abuse before with them. It had always seemed like a dark thing to not be spoken of in the presence of adults.. He poured it all out into the room though and it actually felt quite good. McGonagal was glaring at Dumbledore by the end of this verbal diarhea.

"Harry, I'm so very sorry if i had known I would of done more." She whispered to him after. The truth be known she had noticed his thin frame whenever he came back. Sometimes he would flinch. She thought to herself that even though she had warned Dumbledore some blame was at her door too. She sighed.

"It's OK professor. " He turned to Dumbledore.

" How did you get into an inheritance though." Dumbledore said barely meeting his eye. So he explained this as well. Going over what he had learned so far and his hunt for a mate. Looking down at his hands after. Feeling a bit weird that this man. His grandfatherly old professor was now acting weirdly toward him. He checked his allure but it was all secure around him.

"Harry. " He said softly and Harry raised his eyes to meet him. "I can understand your want for a mate, but there is a war we must win. ..." He trialed off from his thought process. Harry sighed it was where his thoughts had been going of late and he knew that even if his mate was right infront of him it wouldn't be fair to take them knowing that he would have to leave again. McGonagal scowled at Dumbledore again.

"Surely the boy should have some happiness." She said clipped.

"No professor it's OK. It's a thought I have had myself. Maybe when this is all over I can concentrate on this. For all I know they are across the world or not even born yet. I had been hoping, wanting, looking for this but the more I think of it the more it would be wrong" He sighed but the twinkle in Dumbledore s eyes were finally back and directed at Harry again. Relief flooded him.

"That my boy is very wise. We have much to do and learn this year. It would be such a shame if you were... distracted. Its very important stuff. "

Harry nodded along to the headmasters words but his stomach dropped slightly as well. Of course this was the right thing, he scolded himself. Soon he was ushered away from the headmaster.

They walked through the corridors again. Silently before McGonagal spoke again.

"Harry your allure works on men I take it." A slight ringing in Harry's ears started as he stammered a response blushing wildly at the meaning of her knowing this about him.

"We will set you up in the girls dorms in a private room I think." Harry started to protest to almost pleaded to be with his friends. She just shoke her head. " Harry even a well trained veela cant control there allure fully before mating. You sleep in a dorm with 4 boys. It seems rather unfair to them as well as a risk to you. "

He thought this over. There had been occasions even with Ron that the hairs on the back of his head stood up. Maybe he conceded to this one request especially after deans reactions and seamuss reaction to them. He nodded slowly in understanding and once they reached the tower made their way through the throngs of students and was led up to the girls dorm. Many of them stared at him curioisly as he was led down the hall and into a private room.

It was a very neat little room with a four poster bed, desk and wardrobe. Another door seemed to lead into a small bathroom for his own use. As he stood in wonder at having his own space his luggage arrived with a pop. He beamed at his professor.

"Thank you this is amazing." He breathed and she smiled her small cat like smile back.

"I'm glad" Was her response a small knock interrupted her.

"Harry." Hermiones head was in the door frame. "Oh wow this is amazing." She said looking around the room before siddling in.

"I will leave you with your friend" McGonagal said before sweeping out of the room.

Harry started to unpack as he explained his meeting with Dumbledore. Hermione looking for all intents and purposes the spitting image of McGonagal as he told her of the agreement not to look for his mate.

"But Harry that's just so unfair. You have a right to have a mate and actually be happy." Harry just shrugged at the comment. Honestly he would be lucky if he even had a spare few hours a week to himself let alone go on a search. As he unpacked girls flitted back and forth from his door to say hello to him. It was quite nice he decided. Being on this side of the tower.

--'--

A couple of weeks later and Harry was settling into the routine of castle life again. Smoothing over his absense in the dorms had been easier than he thought. Seamus was remarkably grateful and must of had a word with Ron at some point who had been quite petulant about the lack of Harry next to his bed but on the third day he came down from the dorms and seemed more himslef and life had continued.

Surprising himself Harry had found he was enjoying potions more this year. The dour man that used to take his class was now replaced by Sloughorn and on his first day not only did he beat the rest of the class to get his felix potion but had discovered a book that had been a god send in being able to do so. As he looked at the small controlled handwriting a feeling of calm would wash over him. It felt good and he would sit for hours and study it in his room.

His defence classes were also going pretty well..Snape would lecture the class for the first half and then practical lessons would ensue. He was still dour, still a git and sarcastic as hell. When he walked into the room though the familiar butterflies would always rise up and make themselves known. He made sure he sat far away from him though hoping that his acid tongue wouldnt flay him alive every lesson like the years previously in potions. So far they had had very little interaction. Harry was quite happy to observe from a distance.

Harry had ccompletely given up paying attention to auras. Pushing the knowledge of his fellow students out of his head and pulling back his mind when it began to roam. He knew that Rons aura was smooth and quite playful..with undertones of darkness and sulen moods. He knew that anyway. Malfoys was spikey with a underlining current of what Harry could only assume was fear. A darkness surounded it that he hadnt seen in anyone else and it soon became an obsession.

He had also noticed that Malfoy was looking pale. Ill even. He wouldnt turn on harry with his acid mouth dripping venom. He just hunched over and made his way to wherever it was he was going. Harry had his suspicions and voiced them regularly. His friends would roll their eyes at him and ask if he thought Malfoy was his mate. He seemed so obsessed.

--'--

The last few weeks had proffesor Snape on edge. His dreams were of green large eyes. Impossibly big or the smattering of freckles along the bridge of an aristacratic nose that just hinted at the feminine but was truly quite masculine as well.

He frowned watching the children walk into the hall for breakfast. Tiredly sipping at his coffee. His thouhts were trying to push this into his mind again as he was contemplating the last death eater meeting he had attended. As the thoughts battled the golden trio walked into the room.

There he was the reason he was in this mess. Potter. He had sworn to protect the boy with his own life if necessary. He couldnt help but feel resentment toward the figure sitting there laughing with his friends. He scowled. The pain he had gone through the last year for him. The doubling over affects of the crucious and the pulling and tugging between one of the most powerful wizards on earth and a mad man.

He had been lucky in the last meetings he wasnt the one to be tortured to be humiliated and taunted. The one to lose control of his bowls or be pawed and raped by gods knows who. His luck wouldn't last though.

With these dark mumerings in his brain he stood to leave and as he swept the hall one last time green eyes connected with his his own.

He blinked at them. Feeling pinned to the spot. Then moved to sweep out again.

--'--

Harry frowned. What had just happened. He could feel the misery inside him swell and ebb. It didnt feel like his though. Long had he known the raw emotion. He had only just really gotten over Sirius and even prodding that emotion now would set off a flood of feeling. This wasn't his though. His eyes swept the room and then connected with black. Something inside him lurched forward and then he was gone. Snapping his cloak and leaving the hall. What a weird thing to happen with professor Snape.

He turned back to the conversation.

"So yeah. We went through some memories of Tom Riddle. Dumbledore said it was important too really understand what his past was. Im not sure when the next lesson will be but i cant wait it's truly interesting. " Hermione looked at him strangely and then back at the staff table. Before nodding her head in agreement.

Ron was stuffing his face as usual. Crumbs flew out of his mouth as he talked "What do you think the point of all this is." Harry shrugged.

"Im sure there is one. You know what Dumbledore is like . Hopefully it will make sense at some point"

"Thats what we have hermione for." Ron said after swollowing.

"Er ron thats disgusting can you please eat like a person." Hermione wrinkled her nose.

They bickered for a few minutes. Harry went back to scanning the hall again.

"Malfoy's not here again." He said when therir was a break in the arguement.

"You and your obsession with Malfoy. " Ron rolled his eyes.

"Im telling you somethings going on."

"Oh harry." Hermione said exasperated.

They made their way down the halls and into the room just before professor Snape swept in and locked the door.

"Today we will be working on our wordless magic." Everyone groaned but not as loudly as they would in other classes. Great thought Harry. I really suck at this. He sighed and paired up with Hermione. Hermione had already managed quite a few spells wordlessly. He had wanted to team up with Ron at least with him both of them could mutter their spells as they waved there wand but with Hermione no such thing would be allowed. He sighed and they took their places.

"Remember visualise the spell and its name before casting...and begin." The silky voice was heard across the room and Harry shivered slightly as it settled into his bones. Turning to Hermione they nodded at each other. He was going to try and defend while she sent in attacks. It was a familiar routine they would stop and change half way through.

Hermione sent over a stinging hex and harry knowing he wouldn't get a shield out in time dodged round to avoid it. She sent another and he managed with the extra time to visualise the sheild and got it up just in time to counter her strike. Harry beamed and turned to Ron.

"Did you see... argh." Not realising harry was preocopied with showing off Hermione had sent another. The stinging sensation ran up his side and leg.

"Argh Hermione that really hurts."

From the other side of the room came a small shocked sound. Before Snape came glidding across the room.

"Who used a stinging hex. " He demanded as he glared around the room standing in the centre. Hermione gulped and raised her hand. Everyone turned to stare at her.

"Please sir. I... was just sending them to Harry." she gulped as his eyes travelled over her and to Harry..who had just straightened up the pain receding. He rubbed down his side. Harry met his eyes and a soft feeling of calm washed over him. He stared back. Unsure of what the man was thinking. He took a step forward toward him but Snape whirled away and to the other side of the room. The only sign of anything wrong a small flick of his fingers running down his side

"Class dismissed. " He declared as he sat down. The whole class turned to him jaws slack. " Did you not here me. GET OUT." He yelled and everyone gathered up their belongings and ran to the exit.

Harry was pushed and tossled out of the room by his friends. He took one last glance back before following them down the hall.

--'--

He sat heavily at his desk chair barely seeing as the last of his students rushed from the room. What was this it couldnt be. He had waited a life time for something hoping deep down even though it was ridiculous. Now he knew just how ridiculous it all was. A laugh tried to bubble up into his mouth but he pushed it down. Then it struck him again the irony of the world around him. He sank his head into his hands and tried to rub away the images playing in front of him.

A child indeed and not just any child.

He must tell the headmaster and with that thought and that thought alone he swept from the room stalking to the headmasters office possibly walking to his doom. Students scurried out of his way as they made their way to the next class. He sneered at them all as they darted from his presence. Mind working over time. He would need to be careful need to make sure that his feelings were spoken his disgust clear. Anything else would see him thrown out of the one place that secured not only his place with the most powerful wizard but security with the Dark Lord.

He knocked and entered when he was told too. He stuttered slightly in his step his normally strong strides faltering as he realised just what could happen. He sat in front of the headmaster and waited to be addressed. Eventually the man looked up from his work.

"Ah Severus. What can I do for you?"

He gulped as he met the man's eye. There was no point in bulking from this. " I have found my mate." He whispered into the room. " I must make it clear I do not believe they know it is me they are mated to and I ..." He didnt want to say the words that would nulify the bond. Not outright not without thought. He stammered slightly. "Am not inclined to pursue it at this moment."

Dumbledores eyebrows shot up into his hair line the twinkle in his eyes were lively and a smile graced his lips.

"Pray tell, who is this mate of yours Severus, don't be shy." His lips tweaked up even further looking at this man lose his composure.

"It is a student. " Was all severus could grind out. He had come here to say more he should say more so he sighed and forced the word through his teeth. "Potter."

The light flickered above him and a wind went through the room. He looked up in surprise at the powerful magic in the room but he wished he had not. The headmasters face looked cruel with shadows washing over his old and kragged face. His eyes glowed blue and the twinkle within had morphed into rage full light. Slowly it all ebbed away. Dumbledore regarded him.

"No you will not be pursuing that Severus Snape." His voice came out forceful but low. " You will not go near the boy again. Do. You. Understand. He has a job to do, a destiny fulfill, as do you."

Severus lowered his head his chin sitting on his chest. "I am aware Albus and have no intention of doing so."

"Good now get out". The voice ordered "We will meet tonight and discuss what to do with you." He spat.

Severus fled the room all dignity stripped away.

--'--

The thought of Severus wouldn't leave Harry's mind it seemed to get even more powerful with each passing day. Even now as Christmas approached he couldn't get the man's eyes out of his head. The sweeping motion of his hand down his side the feeling of calm. The only time he didn't feel wound up and tight was when he read through the potions book defaced by the Half Blood Prince. He had noted that Severus was never in the hall. He was never in the corridors when Harry was. His classes had been taken over by some almost blank faced professor that he couldnt be bothered to even remember the name of.

Other classes had Severus though. He had heard talk of it in the great hall. It seemed that only his year had been moved to another teacher. He sat sullenly thinking this over and over till even his mind was bored at the subject but didn't seem like it could stop.

He had a meeting that night with Dumbledore and maybe he would bring it up then. He had been concerned about the headmasters hand being shriveled and dead. Not wanting to push the man but maybe tonight was the night to ask questions. All of the questions not just about Severus but about it all what was the point of these meetings and how would they help? Would be the first thing that he brought up that night.

With determination he pushed his legs to move faster as he moved down the corridors to the headmasters office. When had he started thinking of the professor as Severus anyway. He started to muse in his head before the sound of footfalls behind him drew his attention. Turning around sharply he caught Malfoy of guard.

"What is it malfoy." He stared stony faced.

"N,nothing." The other boy stuttered before coming to a complete stop.

" What are you up to." Harry asked stepping forward into Malfoy's space. The boy lowered his head and tried to shuffle backwards. Harry caught his chin in his hand and forced him to look at him. He smiled into his face. Knowing what affect that would have and Malfoy's legs almost gave way beneath him. They stood like that for a moment before Malfoy wrenched his face free.

"Nothing." He said stronger then met Harry's eyes with anger. "And don't use that veela trick with me." He jutted his jaw toward him.

"I'm hardly doing that" Harry stepped back away from him giving him more space. " If I was you wouldn't be so angry at me would you." He watched as Malfoy's face changed. His jaw dropped and then his mouth moved like a fish out of water. His face flushed and Harry had to admit he liked having that affecf on him. " Why do you keep going to the room of requirement?" Harry asked low.

"I, I don't." Malfoy looked confused and wouldn't meet his eye.. Probably trying to figure out how he knew. Of course Harry wasn't going to admit he watched him every chance he got with his map. He seemed to alternate between Malfoy and Severus. One in a kind of longing way and the other in more of a frenzy.

"Why has your aura got darkness swirled in it." Harry knew he was pushing this. He was already late for Dumbledore. He just couldn't resist the feel of pent up energy when he was around him. Draco's eyes widened at his words and then he looked around for an escape route. His already shattered mask seemed to slip completely from his grasp and a tired and frightened boy stood in front of him.

"I have to go." He breathed and then ran away down the corridor with speed that Harry had only seen Draco use on the pitch. He sighed. It had been worth a try and he walked on.

--'--

"How did your meeting go. I didnt see you last night after it had finished." Hermione had ducked her head round his door and was now slowly walking over to his bed. She plopped herself down next to Harry who was reading. He carefully stowed the book away under his pillow and glanced at her before sighing and telling his tail.

"Malfoy approached me before I went up and I still don't know why." He mused and then at Hermiones eye roll he decided to move on."Horcruxes Hermione. I have to find out from Slughorn about horcruxes or at least get a memory of him and Tom talking about them. "He sighed and laid down next to her.

"Didn't get any answers to your questions" Hermione looked apologetically at him.

"No, didn't even get the chance to ask before I got swept up in it all. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get this memory from the professor. " He rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling.

"It will work out. Maybe you just need to ask him. " Hermione said before following suit and laying on her back.

"Knock knock." A voice called and Katie bell walked into the room.. "Come on guys its Hogsmead today let's go and have some fun."

They walked down into the common room and before Harry could turn Hermione away she caught sight of Ron and Lavender on the sofa. The whole way to the small village she dwelled on the act before falling silent when they got there and they wondered around a while.

"See you guys in the three broomsticks." Shs called leaving them to their shopping she was meeting the others there but Harry needed some supplies.

It was a pleasent afternoon. With lots of laughter and chatter but Katie wanted to leave abruptly and nobody could talk her out of it. So they trapsed up behind her still chatting away while she argued with her best friend over a package she was carrying. It all happened so fast. One moment Katie was fine the next she was in the air. The next Hermione was moving a necklace and Harry was kneeling over a body on the floor. The last Hagrid was rushing Katie to the school in his arms.

They weren't allowed to visit her.

It had been a real shock and for days the conversation was of nothing else as Katie got transfered to St Mungos.

Harry became speculative about who could of done such a thing. He felt he knew. He wished he could just go and see what the blond said. Turn up his allure if he needed too to see if that would work. Malfoy was impossible to get to though even with the map almost like he knew Harry wanted to speak to him and did all in his power to avoid it.

He growled at the thought. How dare he.

Just before the winter break Harry decided to wait outside the room of requirement for Malfoy to emerge. He watched as he slipped from the room at 1 am. His anger flared at the boys face. Sunken and ill looking before he knew it he was behind him and was whirling him around then pressed against a wall. Their bodies flushed. Draco's eyes grew wide and darted around Harry's face. He was taller but didn't push Harry of him he just watched his eyes, his mouth, his freckles and then eyes again.

" Why do you look like this and why do you keep going into that room?." He breathed hot breath up into Draco's face.

"I, I can't say alright they will kill me, they will kill my parents. " He almost cried out holding onto what self respect he still had. He managed to quel the emotion at the moment.

Harry breathed for a moment trying to rail in his temper at not being answered straight. He didn't understand his need to know. He pulled Draco's arm up and pinned it against the wall. Draco's eyes grew wide again and for the first time he struggled in Harry's grip. Harry held him firm with his body and with hand pinning him he pulled at his sleeve with the other. He hissed at the dark mark under that sleeve. He turned his green eyes onto Draco. The boy almost melted away. He stopped fighting him and just stood slumped. Harry caught his chin and pressed his lips against Draco's who stiffened against him before seeming to melt again. iI was a kiss full of feeling. Soft and caressing. One of reassurance and comfort given. Not possessive or even particularly passionate.

Harry pulled away first and watched Draco. His cheeks were flushed and breath was coming in small hicupped gasps. It had been a flat experience for Harry. Looking at Draco though panting in front of him elicited a deep feeling in his groin. He pushed off draco to stand a step away from him. He wracked his hand through his hair. He wondered if this was what kissing Severus would be like. He watched Draco as he pushed himself from the wall and straightened his shirt watching him all the while.

it came on suddenly.Harry dropped to the floor. The shock on Draco's face was complete when Harry started screaming back arching away from the flagstone floor. his senses were overloaded and every nerve felt like it was on fire.

"Sorry Harry." Draco breathed as he knelt over his body." I can't be found here. " And he fled. Harry cursed at him in his mind as rolls of pain shot up his back from his what felt like arse hole. He cried out again. Wracking sobs running through his body as the shotting pain went on and on.

Darkness fell eventually.

After his body was wracked and nearly completely broken. It ended.

--'--

He dragged his bruised and aching body over the wards of Hogwarts and sent his protonus off to the dark hut in the distance before collapsing onto the floor.

He felt strong arms lift him from the ground and he groaned. Strong large hands search his pockets pulling out vials from them. Pressed glass to his lips and mutters of comfort. He was carried into the hospital wing and unceremoniously dumped onto a bed in the corner.

A wash of calm went through his body and as his mind unclouded soft whimpers emerged from the bed next to his. His eyes caught the movement on the bed. As green eyes met his stare.

"Professor what happened." A small voice called to him and his heart pushed through his chest to respond. It took every ounce of his strength to turn away from those large scared eyes.

He had felt everything. He shut his eyes and images of what had happened to him surged through it. A child had at least in part experienced such things. A tear trailed down his face. What had he done to him.

The sound of shuffling and movement coming closer toward his bed. He closed his eyes. Poppy would be here soon. He wanted this night to be over.

"Severus." A bolt ran through him at his name. " Whats going on." The feeling of the rightness of all this. His presence with him, the use of his name. He closed his eyes against it. Steeled himself to say those words that would end this.

" Leave me be child." He ground out of his mouth. "Just go away from me. Just leave this old man be and dont come back."

The hand that reached out to him snapped back. The feeling of belonging seemed to crack slightly around them. Those weren't the words he screamed at himslef. That will not be enough.

"Your not old Severus. I am also not a child. " A clipped angry voice said into the night and then sharp footfalls on stone floors rushed out of the hospital wing. The feeling of goodness and right disapated and Severus was alone.

--'--

The anger had subsided. The denial still hurt but Harry pushed it away. He had been distracted enough pushing aside his important work to brood on Severus or to find comfort in Draco's deep blushes. The blonde was like a drug one that had surprisingly led to deep feelings of protectiveness and awe at those feelings. Of feeling like he belonged somewhere for once.. He knew in his core it was all wrong for him. Still the feeling of pleasuring him. The vision of his hair messed and panting breath. Blushes across all of him. Of holding him at night to his chest. Yes he was a drug indeed.

Tonight was an important night however and he sat with Hermione waiting for a lull in the common room so that he could drink his potion and be off. Nerves jittering in his stomach. Ron being poisoned had probably spurred him on to do this tonight. Yes it was most definitely a mistake but it made him realise just how fallable everything was, just how important ending all this had become. Especially once it was realised the poison was actually meant for Dumbledore.

So he had got the memory that was needed in a long convoluted way. That would never have occurred to them without the potion.

The most annoying part of it was after that was all said and done his feet carried him to Severus's door but then deserted him just before he knocked. He felt the change. The fading feeling that he could accomplish anything being replaced with the calm feeling that came from being so close. He stood a full 20 minutes staring at the door before slowly forcing himself to walk away.

--'--

The feeling of calmness pulled Severus from his sleep. He groaned. There was so few times that he slept at the moment. Then his head registered what he was feeling. He sat up in bed and looked at the door opposite. The feeling felt like a soft caress. He leant into with his mind. Almost as if he was leaning into a hand stroking his face delicately. He got up and crossed the room. Laying a hand on the door in front of him. Moving that hand down to the door nob. Holding his breath and slowly twisting it so that any minute he could open that door. He felt like he was in a trance. Then the feelings slowly ebbed away. Then popped and it was gone.

Severus sank to the floor and for the first time in years he sobbed. His shoulders bounced up and down as heaving breaths escaped his body.

--'--

6, 6 Horcruxes. The book the ring and the snake. He knew they would go to get one soon. But that still left two. Two horcruxes. 6 all together. Two yet to find. 2 but more there were 6. 6 Bits of soul. Harry felt sick. His legs were shaking as he wondered the hall at lunch. Food had turned to ash in his mouth of late and the Horcruxes kept circling in his mind. It swirled around thoughts of Severus of Draco. Of being a veela. Of calm and excitement. Of dark and of light. 6 Horcruxes. 4 that he knew. 2 that he didn't. 6.

The light sound of sobbing came to his ears as he past the girls toilet yet again. He had been passing this hallway for 15 minutes deep in thought. The sound only now penetrating his mind. He looked at the door. He should go. No he couldn't he must go and see. See if he could help. You have enough to deal with right now but he aggressively pushed that thought out of his mind. He stepped over to the door light and nimble and stuck his head into the toilets. What he saw broke his heart.

Draco was sobbing clutching the side of the basin and staring at himself in the mirror. His hair was a mess and tangled, as if just the minute before his fists had been pulling at it. His eyes were bleak. They met Harry's and he whirled around.

Harry entered the room and went straight to him holding him close and uttering reassurances as he stroked his matted hair.

"What is it? Whats wrong? It will be OK, you will see, it will be. Can I help. What do you need? It will be all OK." Words tumbled from his lips. Slowly Draco stilled in his arms and rested his cheek on Harry's head. Slowly melting into just the feel of being held. They stood like this for what must of been minutes but felt like a lifetime. He hesitated. His entire being stiffened and then he pulled away from Harry looking him dead in the eyes.

"Am I your mate Harry." He asked in a whisper. It had obviously been something that had played on his mind for a while. Harry had thought he would of brought it up sooner. It seemed like he almost did on several occasions. He would have to be honest. This was going to be hard.

"I care about you very much Draco." He trailed off.

"But I'm not your mate am I." He said almost accusingly. Harry looked away from him and Draco reading what he probably already new pushed him away bodily. "How could you." He cried and it echoed round the room.

"I DO care for you Draco a great deal."

Draco stood there for a moment as the rage built up in his face becoming all angles and aggressive jutting of his jaw.

"I thought this was real...I thought this meant something bit it's not is it. I'm just a dalliance until the real thing comes along." Draco's breath came into his lungs hard. Chest heaving.

"My mate..." He couldn't think of the words. "I do..." He stepped closer not having the words to say anything more for a moment but then tried again. " You aren't just a dalliance " He roared.

"Get away from me.," Draco screamed raising his wand. "How could you. How could you."

"Draco no please listen."

Draco raised his wand and sent a curse at Harry. It took a moment for him to realise what was going on. His hand reached for his wand and he pointed it at Draco hoping it would make him stop. It didn't and Harry ducked and weaved as more curses were frown at him. He threw a few stunners at the blond. Before he could even catch a breath Draco screamed.

"Cruci..."

Harry's wand flicked up and without thinking just following on instinct. He screamed the first spell that came to his head.

"Sectumsempra"

Draco flew back and crashed into the mirror and then landed in a heap on the floor. Harry rushed over to him. Already nervous butterflies exploding in his gut. Oh no. Oh no no no no. Is all his head could produce. His hand shot out and slowly as if in slow motion Draco turns and falls on his back.

The picture is grim. Red blossoms over his chest and long brutal slashes flare in his skin. The blood washes onto the floor and starts to pool. Draco's eyes are wide and his breathing sharp.

"No no no. Draco. I'm so sorry." Harry lands hard on his knees beside him. Hands fluttering around the wounds but not wanting to touch it.

"HELP HELP SOMEONE ANYONE HELP ME." He screams. Draco's eyes don't move from his. Harry catches them as he looks down at him.

"Stay with me please. Please Draco." Harry begged. "Just stay here keep your eyes open." Harry watched as Draco's eyes droop. " DRACO stay. Pease just stay." Draco's lips move. And Harry can't make out what he is saying. His hand suddenly grips Harry's arm and futiley tries to pull him closer.

"Help me, help." Harry cries again before leaning over Draco.

"I will never forgive you." Draco whispers just loud enough.

Harry rocks back from his words and looks down at him. His heart squeezed painfully in his chest.

"HELP ME. HELP."

Harry's wild eyes looks down at him again. Still holding his hand.

"I'm so sorry. You never have to see me again ever just please don't die. Draco just please don't die."

A firm hand suddenly rested on Harry's shoulder and he was shoved across the room. Skittering across the cold and slimey surface. Harry blinked and then looked to where Draco lay. Blood all around him and then up to Severus. He looked him in the eye briefly then turned to Draco. Whispering incartations and moving his wand this way and that. Like a snake charmer. The blood slipped and slid back into Draco's body and his back arched up off the tile.

"Stay right there." Black orbs peirced his brain and then were gone carrying Draco's limp body in the arms of Severus Snape.

--'--

"I had warned you a million times. Especially about Draco. He has every right to be upset with you. You know that it was selfish and it was really bad form Harry."

At this point Harry had tuned her out. This little speech had been repeated on nearly a daily basis. Listening to this just brought up the squirming feeling he had in his stomach. Images flashed before his eyes. Draco's words ran round his head. She was right though this had been badly done. What had he been thinking. Those thoughts led down the line to thoughts of his Professor. He Darent even think his name.

He did not shout, he did not scream but the quaking pulsating disappointment that ran through what was normally a calm space between them. His low voice scary in its whispering tone. The look of abject disgust on his face. It was almost so much he wanted to kneel in front of the man and submit. To stretch his kneck bare and let his submission be whole.

His legs had barely held him up.

Now all he felt was shame and guilt. He had just wanted one thing. To feel like he belonged. That he was cared for and by doing that he had hurt someone. Hurt them so badly and would never be able to to talk to them again. He was surprised his mate hadnt out right rejected him. It was the least he deerved and ever present was the day he would go and hunt a Horcruxe.

He needed to be ready to be prepared but his mind just spun circles of Draco and Professor. Over and over again. Pushing everything his school work, his duty, all to one side and away.

He followed Hermione from class to class not really hearing or seeing what was going on around him. Blank eyes to the world

--'--

He paced up and down his small living quarters. Wishing he could find some form of escape from his mind.

Was he actually going to do this. At some point was he actually going to have to kill Dumbledore. With the passing of time it had become more and more real. The thought of doing it made his stomach roll and bile come up his throat. He needed to calm down he needed to stop thinking of this just for a moment.

Guilt washed over him as he thought of Harry. Of the want to go and see him and just be calm just for a moment. Even after everything that had happened. The warning off from Dumbledore , the near murder of his godson. He just couldnt seem to get those green eyes and dark curls from his mind.

He should be mad. He should be so full of white hot rage that the link between them should be irrevocably destroyed. He should utter the words that made it so. He didn't understand why he hadn't. Maybe it was just the fact that he was linked even partially to something so pure and so good. Even after what he had done to Draco he couldn't deny he was either things still.

"I shouldn't of created that spell." He muttered into the room. His eyes slowly closing trying to unsee it all.

Now, now he had to kill the headmaster because his soul was already broken. He was already dark and twisted. So to be linked to something that wasn't was a beautiful thing. A tear fell down his cheek. How was he supposed to do this. How was he supposed to do any of this.

How was he supposed to tell the person that he was intrinsically linked to he must die too. How could he even watch as the inocence broke in front of him and he felt every shard fall to the floor. How could he live in a world without Harry Potter in it.

He sat in his arm chair tears free falling down his face now and thought of his freckled faced green eyed boy with raven curls and making a vow he wouldn't live in a world without him.

--'--

Eyes unseeing and staring at a wall as people fluttered around the room. Running this way and that and trying to check to make sure he was OK. That others were OK. The hospital wing was busy. But his mind was numb just replaying the horror of a few hours previously.

He had left with Dumbledore to go and get that bloody locket . The cave was eery and his heart had knocked through his chest as they entered and made their way to the island to retrieve the prize. He watched as Dumbledore deteriated in front of him and then forced the man to finish his job. The flight from the cave made all the hairs on the back of his head stand on end. The feel of slimey hands grabbing his skin. The scorch of fire and Ash still mingled with the other smells on his clothes.

The landing on the astronomy tower. The sheer panic that the headmaster would die. Being frozen in place and watching as his former lover crashed into the room. The hope as the man lowered his wand. Draco his mind screamed. You don't have to do this. All he had wanted to do was rush to his side. Then others turned up taunting and goading. He wanted to shut his eyes to the world and pretend it wasn't happening. The pain in his chest almost complete.

A presence arrived and he felt the calm before the Professor arrived and new hope blossomed in his chest. Then realisation as the man raised his wand. His eyes darted around the room for a moment almost like he was. Searching for him. Harry held his breath and then the unthinkable.

The Professor had killed Albus Dumbledore.

The rush of chasing them through the castle and through a battle to catch his mate and his lover. The hatred that surged in him and burnt his lungs as he sped after them. The horror of Hagrids hut ablaze and the giant fighting the foe.

His mate turning on him and firing a hex before striding toward him and commanding that he stop that he give up, that he submit. The feeling of sagging under his words. The raising of the wand as he tried to fire the hex that was burned in his brain after Draco and their fight. The laughter from the tall dour man that sent shivers down Harry's spine. The revelation he was the half blood Prince.

Finally the body laid crumpled beneath the tower. The locket secured in his hand. The sounds of people howling and crying in distress. The sparks of magic filling the air. The discovery that the locket was fake.

It had all been for nothing.

7th year.

Harry stared off into the distance. Glamour secured around his person as the wedding was due to begin in just one short hour. His mind was tripping and spinning as it had been from that fateful night. he wanted to push it all out. To pour it away down the drain but he couldn't so he focused on the plan ahead. They would leave, they would search and they would concur this. It would all be over.

The ripping of the tent and the screams of the wedding goers echoed through his brain as terror once again set in. Grabbing his friends hands and running away like a coward. Harry was firmly disgusted with himself. The sick rolling of his stomach now an old friend fluttered around his stomach as the three ran from an all night cafe and the death eaters within.

0000000000

Severus stood in the headmaster's office and looked around with bleak eyes. A new portrait stood above the old oak desk. The eyes twinkling down at him. He closed his own. Not wanting to meet the old man's gaze. The betrayal and hurt ran deep. His own feelings intrinsically linked with that of his mate. Fear and self loathing and horror.

He opened his eyes and sat at the desk. ignoring the tug within him that had started just a few months ago. The tug to protect and search for his mate to make sure he was OK.

Severus sighed and pulled paper work towards himself. This all needed doing before he could go to bed. He also needed to make a plan to curb the carrows whims while still seeming to be on the side of dark. What did he mean by seeming he didn't know he didnt know how much more into the dark side he could possibly be at this time.

Lowering himself into bed at 2am. He wrapped his brain around the only thought that gave him comfort. Harry.

0000000000000

They were in a woods. Everything had gone spectacularly wrong and spectacularly right. Ron was splinched and in severe pain. The flight from the ministry had been scary and traumatising but they had the locket it was secure. They just had to find away to destroy it and survive. They were cast out from there hidden hole now though and survival he realised may just be as hard as getting the damn locket.

He sat and watched the woods around him. Ron had finally slept and it was his turn to be the lookout. A branch cracked and the night fell silent. Harry whipped his head around to the noise. A feeling of calm settled over his mind. It was probably just a deer. He sat in the feeling though relieved to finally have some resemblance of peace. Hermione came out and found him sitting there not 3 hours later . He tiredly made his way to the tent and slumped and groaned rolling his shoulders against there aching before climbing into bed and nestling into the feelings surounding him. Sighing and then falling asleep.

The next month was very hard on the three friends. The locket making them all short tempered and the need for food not helping. The only times that Harry felt any form of calm and stillness in himself was the late shift in the early hours of the morning where it would settle over him like a fog or a caress.

It all proved to much for Ron. Harry found it hard to believe but his friend the one he had since he was 11. His first friend he had ever made had abandoned them. He sat in the 3 am shadows and cried that first night. He wouldnt let Hermione see. she was already finding it to hard as it was. He had to be strong for her. Just like most nights the feeling of calm settled over him and he pulled it toward himself with relief. Holding onto the feeling for dear life.

"Dear gods when will this end." He breathed into the night.

00000000000

"I don't know." Severus whispered into the night. One tear rolling down his face as he watched Harry through the wards.

It had become regrettably harder and harder to curb the carrows and their need for violence. Although he was in the dark lords good graces the feeling of walking a tight rope on a swords edge in bare feet didn't dwindle.

He breathed steadily focusing on the boy and relishing the feeling of being so close to him. His hair was longer. The curls at the back of his head gracing his back. His face was worm and thin but the jutting of his jaw showed determination and maturing. Innocence was being washed away from him. Severus was quite sad to think about it.

He layed his head back on the tree he was leaning against. Only a few more hours until he would need to go back. So he let the feelings wash over him. Another tear escaping his eye.

Lost inocence, lost hope and lost love. Running through his mind.

00000000000000

His wand his beautiful wand. The wand that had seen him through it all. He rubbed Hermiones owm in-between his palms so it danced between them twirling this way and that. The horror of the snake in the human skin almost didn't touch Harry. He thought about this maybe there was just no more space for any more horror within him.

The blow of losing his wand though. How was he supposed to defeat the dark Lord using someone else's. It would never feel the same never feel like it completed him. He looked at the stick in his hands twirling back and forth. All hope was nearly extinguished from him. This was the lowest he had felt. Days of brooding and still he couldn't muster more than a spark. He was going to die in this and his death would destroy everyone.

The feeling of calm washed over him an old familiar feeling but this night he wanted to just push it aside and howl at the moon. Scream at the stars and curse the world. He mentally prepared himself to do just that to push and strain against the feeling till it left but a light caught his eye and a doe delicately picked its way through the forest toward him. Stopping in front of him and lookong him full in the face. Made of light and happiness. Before picking its way back and into the dark.

Harry couldn't explain it he had to follow. Had to hold onto something so beautiful. Ethereal, so full of life. He scurried after it tripping and falling over tree roots but keeping it in sight.

She stopped by a pool of iced over water. snow surrounding the edges and looked within it. Harry cautious now not wanting to frighten her away edged closer looking at the ethereal being. The feeling of familiarity and rightness coursing through his veins. He studied the deer for a moment not 2 metres away he could see the small nubs of horns on the proud and beautiful head of the animal.

Not a female then but a young buck just coming into his own. He studied it for a moment. Just beautiful. Delicate and powerful, regal and almost shy in its bearrings. He stepped forward and reached out a hand to touch the animal. Slowly it disapated away before his eyes.

He looked around the clearing. Someone was hear he had been so stupid so entranced by the beautiful creation that he had allowed himself to be led away. He had no idea how to get back. His eyes scanned the floor and saw his own foot falls through the forest. His heart removed itself from his throat and went back to where it should be. He looked about again and then glanced down on the pool that the deer had shown him. Laying at the bottom he saw the glinting of gold and red. He stepped over the ice gingerly and looked closer at the object.

It was the sword if Gryfindor.

00000000p0000p0

If ron hadnt shown up in that exact moment Harry didnt know what would of happened to him. As the Horcrux shudered and twisted around his neck in the cold freezing water. The job of destroying the damned locket was Ron's and as the images the Horcruxe offered up went a long way to explaining to Harry what had been going on in his mates head.

The fire and brimstone of what was Hermiones furry when Ron and himself emerged from the forest was nothing compared to the relief that washed over her face at seeing the redhead. It was obviously mutual. Listening to Hermione all of last year talk about Ron and Lavender he wasnt overly surprised as now they looked like there was some form of hope for the pair. He clung to this hope of something good to come of this as his mind still mulled over the deer and its meaning.

The next few weeks were quiet and no new plans had formed. The frustration grew and the feeling of calm only appeared once or twice in those long and drawn out weeks of fruitless planning.

Then it happened the snatchers came. It Had been a careless moment when their guard was down. Hermione the only one with any wherewithal cursed Harry's face making it lumpy and itchy and they were carried away to a large old sprawling building and Harry had to face his past.

It wasnt long before steel grey eyes met green again. Harry wanted to look away to move away from the stare of a man he deeply cared for. The one that he had hurt a year prior to the point that neither could look at the other without pain surging through their core.

"I don't know. Bella. I dont think it is him." The familiar voice filled Harry's ears. Before ringing took over and the sound of crashing waves as the blood rushed through his veins. Harry looked at him confused.

"We must be sure before we call him. Draco are you sure you do not know." Luciuss voice sound cracked and broken.

"I'm sure that i do not know father. What happened to his face."

A debate ran on for what seemed like an eternity before he was cast into darkness to listen to Hermones screams.

The numb feeling settled over Harry one more time as he watched Dobby fall in slow motion onto the beach that they had just landed on. His mind that had been quick and sharp just a moment before. managing to not only get a new wand but several from the grips of his ex lover. As He gawped at him. Before running the gauntlet once again and once again finding himself safe. Then the numbness cracked and fractured around him.

Before he knew it he was digging. Pouring all of the emotion into the movement into the cool sand around his fingers. Desperately digging away at his trauma trying to free the mind of all the darkness and despair. At some point someone had placed a shovel into his bleeding and cracked hands and he dug. He carried on digging until there was not an ounce of emotion left. All spent in this one simple act. Unaware of others around him. Of others helping him as he worked. Pouring his mind and body and soul into this one simple act.

Saying goodbye to Dobby had broken and shattered him. Rebuilt him up and then repeated the process so many times that by the time the large stone was placed over the grave and he stood and etched words into the unforgiving stone he was remade into something forged from ashes and dust.

--'--

Hauling himslef out of the cold dark lake Harry wondered how many more lakes he was going to have to do this with in his life time. His shoulder hurt from the assent from the bowls of the world before being lifted on the back of a drgon and flown half way across England. There hadn't been much time to do anything with it except sprinkle some ditany on to the wound and hold on for dear life. Making sure the others had a secure position on the back of the dragon and didn't fall asleep along the ride and fall from the back of the beast.

Just another scar to add to the collection he mused as he looked it over whilst changing into dry if not clean clothes. His mind was victorious at finding another horcrux and his determination seeped into every muscle of his body. The others looked to him for what to do next after setting up the small camp next to the lake that not that long ago they had been thrashing about in.

"We will camp here for a few days and try to recover. I will take the first shift." Harrys gruff voice sounded odd even to him. Ron and Hermione just nodded their agreement and went about there chores whispering to each other. He walked a short distance from them and sat out of the ring of fire light. He watched as the two shared secret touches. To the arm, to the hand, to the knee. Companaliable. Tender even. He stared out at the sunset for a moment unblinking.

his mind wavered suddenly in and out of the sunset and the pure rage of another, inside the wreckage of the bank even as the air around him started to calm the sheer weight of rage consumed him and he spun and swirled into images.

the cave

the bank.

hogwarts

the snake.

He writhed in the pain and pleasure of anger and seering of pain with the connection with the Dark Lord. Voices echoed around him. Ethereal almost until he started to hear them.

"Harry, Harry."

Hermione cried as she ran too him and bent over him hands running over his head his chest his arms.

"Harry what happened. " Harry eyes refocused and looked up at his friends. Ron's head hovering just behind Hermiones.

"Hogwarts the last horcrux is at Hogwarts. We need to go."

The fluttering hands stopped moving and both faces before him looked stunned.

"We cant just go Harry" Hermione sounded petrified at the idea. "The place must be crawling with death eaters we need a plan."

"Fuck plans." It came out hard and bitter. Then he laughed. A true merry laugh. "When has any of our plans ever worked. Fuck it Hermione let's just get this over with."

--'--

The sight before severus was hideous. As a row upon row of death eater stood at his back he looked onto the castle the place that he had called home for nearly his entire life being attacked. Spell after spell was cast against it and lit up the protection charms around it. The ground rumbled as giants stepped forward awaiting for it's fall so that they get on with their grizzly work. He could see more charms being shot up to strengthen the sheilds. But not enough it would never be enough.

"Severus." A snake like voice called him forward as a white crocked finger signalled for him to approach. "You will stay with me." He commanded before turning back to the men behind him that were shooting spells. He held his wand to his throat and spoke to all.

"Those that will not be coming with me. Fight for us all. Fight for our supremacy and when I call you to stop. Stop knowing that I will be displeased if you don't."

He didn't offer any other explanation and Severus found himself thumbing the vial of his memories in his robes. How would he get these to Harry. Did he even want Harry to see them. To know. To see the betrayal as well as the simple baring of his heart. The Dark Lord lifted his wand and joined in the fight against the protection. Blue cracks began to apear at the point his magic touched the sheild and the ear splitting sound of spell on spell reached them all. It was all Sevurus could do not to cover his ears.

As the sheild fell the group behind him surged as one and left him standing as they rushed toward Hogwarts and its ultimate doom.

--'--

The battle had raged on for nearly an hour. An hour of mind rushing adrenaline and horror. Ron had had the first amazing idea and left with Hermione to go and find the basilisk. Harry ran to the ravenclaw towers only to be confronted by the carrows. On auto pilot he dispatched of that foe swiftly and found himslef talking to the Ravenclaw ghost. His frustration was close to the surface as she spoke in riddles and deception until finally it all made sense and he rushed again through the castle dodging debry as it roared through the halls and crashed against walls and floors. Loud booms sounding all around him.

He paced in front of the room of requirement and just as the door materialised so did Ron and Hermione. they stalked into the room not noticing the others slip through at some point. Just as he was reaching for the diadem that he had carelessly thrust onto the head of a manikin a year previously a voice. One he thought he would never hear again called his name. He twisted toward it. His body acting on its own.

"You have something of mine." The voice sneered as his green eyes met the steely gaze. Harry's jaw was slack for all of a moment.

"Really Draco with everything going on... really." The gruff voice had hints of incredulity.

"I..." But as he trailed off he was joined by his goons who taunted and threatened and pushed Draco forward. Wanting him to do violence. Draco's wand tip wavered in front of him. Hermione and Ron ran into the scene and grabbed Harry before an explosion of fire erupted from Crabbes wand. They ran, the room becoming hot the smoke becoming thick making breathing hard. As they ran Harry spotted ahead the brooms, old comets, leant up against a corner. He seized them and threw the two spares at Ron before mounting and hoping the others would catch up.

At the last moment Harry turned and zoomed back the way he came.

" The exits that way for fuck sake." Ron shouted at his back but matched his flight path.

"We need to get them" Harry screamed back.

"Fucking hell mate you're mental." He heard Ron's roar but at the precise moment he could see Draco and Goyle on top of a tower surounded by fire. It lept up toward them in shapes of lions and dragons.

"Fucking fiend fire." He hissed at draco as he secured himself behind Harry but he stroked Dracos hand around his waist to try and calm him and himslef as he steered with legs and his other.

They crashed through the door and as Ron and Hermione followed. Ron sharing a broom with Goyle. Harry lifted his wand from the crumpled heap he was in and sealed the door shut before it disappeared once again.

"The Diadem" Hermione cried out as the door vanished.

"It's fiend fire Hermione nothing would survive that." Harry stated laying back on the cold ice floor trying to catch a breath. At the sound of movement next to him he turned his head and watched as Draco ran away.

--'--

Severus stood quietly mind racing about why he had been called into the small room that held the Dark Lord. He had just until a moment ago been standing with all the usual favoured death eaters in the room adjacent. He knew there was no point in talking before he was spoken to so he stood and watched. The dark Lord was pacing along the far wall every now and again staring out into the distance at the destruction he had caused. Orange light would glow over his face every now and again and this would often set him to pacing again.

A feeling of calm and a bundle of nerves not his own made its pressence known about 5 minutes into the observation. Not now. He thought to himself. Not here, but he did not move. Did not speak did not even flicker an eye in the direction he knew that his mate was incase it give him away. The Dark Lord at last turned to face him.

"You have been a faithful servant to me all these years Severus." Nagini coiled in her bubble close by the Dark Lords side.

"Ye, yes my lord." Severus replied hairs on the back of his head standing up as red eyes wracked across his body.

"Tell me do you know why the wand doesn't work for me.."

"What do you mean you have cast unbelievable magic tonight my lord." Severus said boldly as his veins ran cold and his pulse raced.

"For the average wizard yes, but for me it is my normal level of magic. I am rather above average." Voldermort said twirling the wand in his hand.

"We can go and get Ollivander, we can see what can be done my lord." Severus tried to hope this would distract him but he knew it would not. The soft pop of a bubble bursting sounded in the room and Nagini moved forward like liquid toward her prey.

"No severus. I think the wand has a different master I think it answers to you." He spat accusingly

"My, my lord." Severus lost the war to back away and slowly inched back from Nagini step by step.

"You killed the old fool and now I must regret I must kill you. Nagini."

The snake struck and seering pain ran through his body as he slumped against the wall. She struck again ripping at his throat and the Dark Lord swept out of the room. Severus convulsed with the pain slowly sliding down even further to the floor. The sounds of footsteps approaching was all he could focus on.

"Hermione." Harry's voice rang out in a soft whisper. As clinking and clattering came up behind him.

"Wait, here, I have got it." She passed Harry a small vial but all Severus could focus on was the face in front of him. If he was going to die he would focus on that face. His body shuddered and his eye sight wavered as a vial was pressed to his lips. Blackness crept in and then receded. He grabbed hold of anything he could he grabbed hold of Harry's hand and with the other shakily pulled the vial from his pocket.

"Take this." He croaked around seering pain and burning throat. Harry took the vial and placed it somewhere before he came back into his view.

"Look at me." Severus said with the last ounce of his strength.

"Beautiful" He whispered as he focused on his eyes. Those beautiful green large eyes that danced before him as blackness took him away.

At least the pain has gone. He muttered into the blank space.

--'--

Harry sobbed for how long he did so he couldn't say. On the other side of the body Hermione knelt wand twitching above the body and then hands dextrous moving over it dabbing salve wherever she could think to put it. Ron knelt beside him rubbing his back. The grief of Gods knows how long just poured from Harry's lips. Raw and bitter. Tinged with loss and hopelessness.

Ron passed him the small vial at some point and he calmed staring at his last and only gift from the man. Pensive. His brain kept insisting. Find a pensive. He pushed back into his heels and rose from the ground qrabbing his pain as he had learnt to do and shoving it deep inside him. Hermione still worked but the calm feeling of just a few minutes ago was gone and so was Severus.

"We will give you one hour. Collect your dead give them the fair well that they deserve in the dignity that should be shown them. It should not be this way. Every loss is to much to bare. Harry this is directly for you..You have hidden behind your friends for long enough come and face me like a man and stop this blood shed. " The voice boomed inside his head. Hissing and dangerous. He looked at the others and it was obvious that they heard it too.

He turned to walk away.

"Harry you can't. " He shook the little vial at Ron.

"I'm not but this was important l. I'm going to go and see what it is." He pushed from the room.

Walking up to the castle the bleakness settled in..A feeling he had pushed away for months as he entered the entrance hall. Neville came and easily swept him into the hall. Promising food and rest. His legs took him along. At the great doors he stopped and looked around. Bodies were lined on the top of the dias with families and students alike grieving over the bodies that would never move again. The hall was littered with wide eyed students and adults alike some bandaged some freely bleeding in places. Poppy was rushing back and forth with proffesor Sprout tending to who they could. When she caught sight of Harry she aproached.

"Harry are you ok." She whispered as he leant against the great arched door frame. He just stared at her blank how could I be OK just look around. But not a sound was uttered from his mouth for a minute.

"Hermione will be bringing Snapes body up soon." And poppy gasped at the news. " I dont wish anything to happen to him. He was my mate poppy. For that I would ask that his body is respected." She gaped at this news and he turned and strode away.

"Where are they." She called after his retreating back.

"Shrieking shack." He called his head hanging low as he made his way to the headmasters office. Vial clasped in his hand shoved in his pocket.

He walked into the room and took a sharp breath. Once this room was Dumbledore's and now it was the Professors. Trinkets and baubles were replaced by a large potion collection, books were strewn on the desk. It felt odd to be in this space so dueled with love and light and chaos and mayhem.

He crossed the room and as he did so he noted that all of the portraits were empty. No doubt looking over the distruction of their once beloved school. He pulled at the cupboard doors and sighed with relief when the pensive floated out. He moved out of its way. It moved and settled on the desk and he pulled the vial from his pocket. Took one shuddering breath poured the contents into the pensive and then even before it had settled, dove his head in.

Two girls sitting in the park one red head one brunette. The brunette had slapped something out of the redheads hand and was was telling her off. Harry couldnt hear what was being said at this distance. A small boy with limp dank hair and a greying oversized tee stepped out from the bushes. As the brunette stalked away in a huff he walked down to the redhead.

"Hello there." He called. The red head looked up at him in confusion. " I'm Severus Snape at your service and you are." He enquired after taking a bow.

"I'm Lily" She sniffed, she had obviously been crying.

"Well Lilly you and me are the same we are wizards Lilly." The boy said with wonder.

The image shifted again and changed. Lilly was stalking across a Hogwarts courtyard.

"Severus Snape. What do you think your doing hanging out with those boys. Their no good you know." Severus backed up into a wall.

"There's nothing wrong with them Lilly." He almost whinged. "It's just a bit of harmless fun and it's not like those pillocks don't deserve it." This seemed to stump her for a moment

"Well they are pillocks but even so Sev I worry about you."

the scene changed again.

Lilly was walking down a corridor arm in arm with his dad..severus watched them from an alcove.

" Skulking again Snivelus. " James's voice was clipped. Edges of anger around it.

"I just wanted to talk to Lilly" Lilly rounded on Severus, face scary and red.

"I dont have anything to say to you. I can't believe you after what you said. I thought we were friends." She turned away from him and pulled on James's arm. "Come on James. " And they walked away James giving him a snide look as they did so.

Harry turned to severus who was leaning against a wall like he had just been shot.

"But I love you." He whispered after them.

The memories kept coming. Snape over hearing the prophecy and taking it to voldermort. The professor going to Dumbledore and trading his life to keep them protected. Dumbledore extracting everything he could from the man. The despair of hearing of his mother's death. The heart wrenching sobs and cries of the man as he knelt in his room at the castle and then he screamed into the air. It shifted again and showed him the memory of Severus telling the head that Harry was his mate and the fury that exploded after. The amount of times he sat in the woods just watching, waiting and sometimes sleeping near their little camp.

It shifted and swirled again. Dumbledore sat in his portrait looking down at the professor.

"So I must deliver the sword to the boy. " The professor was saying while Dumbledore nodded.

"It's not like you dont know how to find the boy is it." The Professors cheeks turned red.

The image shifted again but the only hint of it was a different scene was the light as if it was earlier in the day.

"He must die. " The Professor whispered to the portrait.

"As you knew he would. He is the last Horcrux after all and with his death the Dark Lord can be defeated." Harry's blood ran cold ringing came to his ears it took a moment to register the voices

"Yes, yes but the potion. The one I have been brewing you said..." He trailed off.

" Severus would you have done all that was needed if you thought he would of died. Would you have followed the plan." Harry watched as the dark haired man seethed with rage.

"You have raised him like a pig to slaughter. " He screamed at the portrait. "All those times all those things that I have done for this. To watch him just die." His voice became bleak and hollow. "I murdered for you. I murdered you for this. On your own instruction, to try and keep him safe "

"Still with your mate then Severus." At this Severus cast his protonus and the deer trotted out. The deer from the woods the beautiful ethereal being.

"It changed last year. " He whispered.

"And lilly."

"She doesn't even compare. " He yelled vehemently

"Give the boy the memory Severus." Dumbledore said in the face of all this rage. Keeping calm and composed. "It will be his choice. He will do the right thing." And Dumbledore looked around the room as if Harry would suddenly apear.

Harry threw himself from the memories gasping for breath. He must die. He must walk to his death. He must go into the woods and sacrifice his life. A manic laugh escaped his lips. He didn't get them all though the snake was still around. He must find someone and tell them to kill the snake before he takes the macabre walk to his destiny.

It was a slow and walk and yet it felt like it wasnt long enough. He explained about the snake to Neville who seemed to have glazed over eyes that were wide and almost unseeing for a moment he didn't think he even knew he was being spoken to until he nodded at the end and clapped him on the shoulder before shuffling off looking for more people be they dead or wounded. He stood by Hagrids burnt out hut and watched as a group of people exited the womping willow, a body floating in between them. He almost cried out almost ran toward them but he knew who it was already and his grief was far away untouchable through his aching mind.

As he approached the forest this reminder of Severus prompted him to pull the golden snitch from his pocket and place it to his lips whispering that he knew he was to die. The stone of the ring so long ago destroyed sat mocking him inside. He picked it up and stared at it before a bubble of laughter hit the air. Was this it. Was this all. He stared around himself. He was not alone however. Specters stood all around him the ones he knew stood closest but the trees were lined by so many. By so much death and the dead that he almost couldn't breath. A woman and a man stepped forward.

"Son" The man intoned the voice echoey and weird. Like he was talking through silk.

"Dad." Harry whispered before stepping toward them lowering his arms when he realised touch would not be possible.

"We are so proud of you." His mum stepped closer. "You have done so well. You have done so much." Her face turned sad. Harry looked around himself and noticed Remus. Standing beside Remus an arm slung over the taller man's waist stood sirius.

"I'm so sorry Remus... Sirius." He whispered. Tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

" I knew what could happen Harry this isn't your fault. " A head bobbed from behind a tree.

"Ginny no." Harry cried. "I can't, this is to much. " She ducked back behind the tree.," no." He howled "Come back." She slowly stepped from behind the tree toward him.

"I should of stayed in the room Harry I'm so sorry. I was so stubborn. " He broke down then and truly cried. " Harry it's OK. It is not your fault. "

Harry's eyes scanned the specters for what he told himself he did not know but part of him knew.

"Son who are you looking for" James asked.

"Oh no one. "

"Those that loved you and have past are all here Harry." He said this with a smile but Harrys heart clenched. Yes those that loved me maybe he had been a fool to expect anything else.

"Stay with me." Was all he could manage.

"Till the end." His mum whispered.

Harry's legs pushed him forward a life of there own as his guard of the dead surounded him. He felt little comfort in their presence accept to know he would join them soon. His mind wandered to what it would be like to be with his parents. His god fathers his friend. Would it be like that in the after life.

"We will all be there for you." His mother whispered as if she could read his mind. At some point the stone slipped from his hand unknown to him and he walked on in the eerie glow of the forbidden forest.

He stepped into the clearing as the madman ranted to his followers. Stepped into it without even raising his wand. He was mocked and ridiculed and as the green light flew toward him all he could think of was wasted and lost love.

00000000000

The brightness was the one thing he had not expected. He didnt know why it just didn't make logical sense in his brain to be surounded by so much light when it had just been so very dark for so very long when he was alive. He laid there wondering hhat to do now. Not really sure but eventually he opened his eyes.

Large arches and train tracks. A station he thought with benches along the platform he was laying on. A small wimpering noise as Harry lifted himslef to his feet and slowly made his way over to the noise.

"You can't help it Harry" The voice reverberated to his heart. as he cast his eyes down on a hideous mess. He wipped around and faced the voice. It was Dumbledore. he motioned for them to move away.

"You did it Harry, you're so very clever."

Harry just stared at the man. He did it, yeah he was dead. The older man carried on.

" I knew that you would make the right choice Harry. You were the hHrcrux that was never meant to be. When your mother sacrificed her life a piece of Voldermort's soul latched onto the only living thing that it could find. You. Now that it has passed Voldermort can be defeated. " Dumbledore beamed at him.

Harry didn't return the smile but looked about him at where he was. Long moments of silence stretched and became awkward around them.

"I suppose you are wondering where we are." Harry's eyes darted back to the old man.

"yes" He said before turning away and looking around himself. He could hear the sigh from behind him, laced with frustrstion.

"This is a place of choices Harry. If you decide to move on I'm guessing a train will arrive. If you decide to stay in the mortal realm you will wake up as if from a dream. " Harry turned to him again wracking his eyes over the man trying to weigh his words. Not finding anything that could have double meanings or dark intentions. He nodded and strode away.

Walking back into his body felt like he had split himself in half. Now the familiar ache in his shoulder felt raw and new all of a sudden. That short space of time without it heightening his senses to it now.

Most of his face felt wet and the smell of blood hit his nostrils. Seering pain then hit him right over his scar as if letting the other aches build up his thresh hold before hitting him with more.

Voices were echoing ebbing and flowing around him. Instinctively he held himself still. Laying on his side arms splayed out in front of him head tilted back in an awkward angle. Footfalls approached him and the fluttering sensation of hands running up his shoulder and too his neck. a small gasp and then a woman's voice.

"Is Draco still alive... My son is he still living."

Harry had flashed images of him in the room of requirement and then the great hall.. He was still alive at least he was still alive then. He nodded his head ever so slightly. Adams apple bobbing as the woman raised from her crouching position.

"HE IS DEAD."

--'--

The lights were fluttered in Severus's mind and it took him a moment to realise it was because his eyelids were moving.

He wasn't dead then. He thought to himslef, a tinge of disapproval in his inner voices tone. Can't even die right can you Sev.

His body felt heavy and unwieldy. The surroundings went from to loud to silence and then back again.

His eyes eventually did what he willed and they lifted heavy and disorganised finally opening at his will.

The noise surrounding him was suddenly to loud. The clash of pans and people crying.

"No leave him."

"HIS A BLODDY DEATH EATER."

"His, his important to Harry."

"Fine but you can't keep him safe forever."

He shut his eyes again. Truly he should of just died. This life of looking over his shoulder of maybe being murdered in his sleep. This was know life. He felt Harry approach as the wave of calm came over him. He sighed into it turning his head into the feeling. His eyes to heavy against the sensation slowly shut.

"Poppy."

"His fine, his fine. For how long." She trailed off.

"When they come for him. Which they will. Give them these memories."

He couldnt make out anything for a while. Only hearing vague voices as the sobs from a nearby place got louder and then suddenly cut off.

"What do you mean."

"I'm leaving." That was Harry's voice sounding determined. Then he could hear footfalls.

"Harry" He croaked as loud as he could manage.

Popping his eyes open it took a moment for them to adjust. He could see nothing but the back of the man blood soaked tee shirt. Head of wild curls framed by the light of a torch.

"You know how to find me Severus." The voice was low aad quiet but he heard it and then he watched as Harry walked away and the calm left with him.

5 years 3 months and 30 days later according to Harry.

Severus sat in the great hall letting the voices of the other professors wash over him for a minute. Tomorrow would be the first day of the new year and this meeting was turning into a bit of a tradition. The food was laid out at the staff table of the great hall and he ran through the meetings timetable in his head.

First years.

Watching for quil use especially around the muggle borns.

Looking for signs of abuse and anything else that maybe damaging to the children in question.

Making sure all staff kept an eye on any inter house rivalry being set up by older years.

Keeping note of any trouble makers.

Subsequent years.

Keeping an eye on the trouble makers.

Making sure inter House rivalry didn't go to far.

Picking up any warning signs in the older years or anything damaging.

The offer of counselling.

Preparations for newts and owls for the newer proffessors.

Support for those that struggle under the pressure of those exams.

Other business what to do about the size of the thestral herd.

New appointments.

He looked fondly at Draco his godson at this, who had just made the potions professor. He was laughing at something Longbottom was saying. His partner not only in mischief but in life it seemed. He graced them with a sneer that to many had all the hallmarks of a smile.

The instalation of the new quiditch pitch roof.

He trailed off and then looked at this notes yes that seems like that's all. He cleared his throat and got everyone's attention.

"Let's get this meeting started." He said peering around the table and making sure he caught everyone's eye. He cleared his throat again and was just about to start speaking on the first subject when the doors burst open with a bang that echoed around the cathedral like space.

A man stepped through the door. Lithe and nimble in his steps. He walked confidently to the table slowly in no hurry. His hair swept across his face In raven black ringlets because it was lowered ever so slightly and just at the right angle to make it so.

The feeling of calm washed over Severus. One that he hadn't experienced in a very long time in person, being renovated to the feelings of dreams and whispers in the wind. His eyes darted over the man a small gasp escaping his lips. At that moment the head lifted proudly. The scar on Harry's forehead not just three small slashes in the skin now formed like a lightening strike across his face. Standing out against his olive skin. Another ran down his neck and under a leather Jerkin and down one side of his arm. Over broad muscles. Severus gulped. His lithe movement excentuated his hips a wand holster lazily swinging from a loose belt. On the other side a dagger was sheethed and swaying attached to the same loop of leather. Severuss eyes travelled to lock with green and all he could feel was the burn of fury in the gaze.

"Harry." Proffessor Granger gasped as her chair scraped across the floor. Standing, Severus presumed but his gaze never left the look of destruction coming his way. A curt nod was shot vaguely in her direction and small gasp definitely from Draco escaped into the large hall. Harry stopped 5 meters away from the occupied table. Almost as if responding to the sound that escaped his godson. If that was the reason no flicker showed on the face that only seemed to see him.

"Headmaster may I speak with you." A languid pause. "In private."

Severus shook his head in disbelief not believing his eyes. Harry. What had happened to him. The words barely registering the meaning. At the shake of the head Harry's eyes intensified and large roar came out of the man's chest as white wings ripped from his back. He stood breathing hard pinning Severus to his chair with his gaze.

"No.." He uttered just loud enough to reach their ear. " Then release me Severus." He growled. His chest heaving with anger. "Relase me or claim me but I will not live this life that you have caught me in. "

He couldn't answer. It was like his brain had shut down. He had never seen anything at once so beautiful and so utterly terrifying. The anger in the eyes increased.

"I have already lost one person I cared about because of this. I refuse to lose a chance at love. Love me or set me fucking free. " His voice increased as the words tumbled from his mouth his wings snapped open. Showing his wing span for just a moment before furling back to sit against his back. Severus stood feeling all eyes were staring at him. He barely registered what must be going through there minds, his brain was stuttering and starting barely functioning. It threw an idea at him and he grabbed onto it for dear life.

"I don't know why you choose to be bonded to me. I have never shown you anything of that side of this bond. "

"DONT LIE TO ME SEVERUS. You can lie to yourself but don't lie to me. I have seen your memories remember" He winced at the reminder but Harry was not done. " If this is truly what you want if there is no hope and no want then. I Harry James potter relea"

Before he had even started saying his name Severus was curled over. Hands pressed onto the table his back pulling and pulsing. He was going to do it he was going to break them apart. Panic ran through his mind. No he wasn't, a dark voice rang in his head.

Black wings ripped through Severus's robes and he straightened up and with one leap he stood on the table before his white winged mate. He stepped out into the air and slowly brought himself to the floor infront of him. Wings fluttering and snapping behind him. Gasps rang around them he did not care. He barred down on the man who stood jaw jutting at him. As he got closer he slowly went down to one knee and then both. Severus stood above him and hissed. Harry slowly started to lull his Head to one side exposing his neck offering full submissiin at last. At the last moment though he pulled his head back up with a jerk and then looked Severus in the eye with pure and utter violence. He scooted back and then rose before him. Severus hissed at him feeling his face contort and transform for a moment. Just seconds of feather and beak.

"You do not claim me but you wish me to submit." Harry's voice boomed again. Raspy now tinted with unbelieving "You do not come for me, you do not claim me yet you do not let me leave."

"You were a child." Severus hissed at last.

"I was not Severus and you know it. If it was just that then why not at 20 why not now."

"Why would you even want this." The question once asked couldn't be brought back again. Harry huffed in response and then vissibly calmed himself.

"I was in a war and you gave me comfort that first year knowing that you even existed gave me comfort. . I saw your memories and I saw what you felt for me in that last year. Why wouldn't I want that. I asked you to come to me why wouldn't you do that." His voice broke in the end and he looked him up and down and then turned and strode away.

"Harry wait." And he stopped head down and shoulders high wings drooping from his back. Severus walked around to face him heart fluttering against his chest. He couldn't let him leave. He reached out a trembling hand and slowly lifted his chin. Their eyes met again and Severus stepped forward a small step coming into his personal space lifting his head at a higher angle to keep eye contact.

"Look at me Harry what could I offer you." He gestured to himself. "what would you want from this old man." His voice low a murmur for his ears only.

" Love, acceptance, the feeling of safety, of home. I want to get to know you, to see."

Severus just shook his head in disbelief Harry just didnt understand.

"I'm a broken washed out man Harry" Strangely this brought a lopsided smile to Harry's face that made him drop his hand. He hadn't realised he had been rubbing his cheek with his thumb.

"As am I Severus. In more ways than can ever be said."

They stared at each other for a long time.

A loud scrapping of wood on stone sounded and made them startle.

"Draco what's wrong." Was heard and the slamming of a door. Harry turned away from Severus's gaze and looked over his own shoulder. Half the people in the room were staring at the door that was just slammed and half were staring at the two of them in the hall. One person seemed to be going over after Draco.

"We should of done this in private. " Harry uttered after turning back and looking into his eyes. Green twinkling slightly as if his eyes were the only sign of the mirth his face would not reveal.

"I don't know why you find this amusing." Severus sighed.

"You will have me Severus and that's all that I care about right now." The look he recieved was intense

"I didn't say that." Severus whispered but new that it was true that he would have him.

"You didn't need to." Harry said. Severus almost swore that he winked at him before completely turning away and walking over to the staff table. He sat himself in Severus's chair and kicked his feet up on the table. Smiling widely and just for him. Severus didn't even believe he cared in that moment. He shook himslef. what was he doing. He slowly tucked his wings away and then sat next to Harry in Draco's chair.

--'--

The meeting was long and boring. Hermione kept trying to catch his eye. At one point he tried to get up and leave the professors to it but a rumble came from Severus the instant that Harry had made the smallest of moves to do so. So he sat and drank in the calm feeling that sorounded him not really listening to what was going on around him. Lazily rolling back into his chair and making it pop back onto its two back legs. Yes he was being childish but he had earned that hadn't he.

Draco had entered half way through. His head was low and he was led by Neville. It was the only time Harry's eyes wondered up from the food he was studying. Eventually it was done and soon Severus was standing next to him looking down at him with very little expression on his face black orbs penetrating deep. He met those eyes and a shudder crossed his body. mine. His inner voice intoned. He could almost laugh at the ferocity of it. He wished he had its conviction.

The cock sure feeling of earlier had slowly faded as voices had washed over him. His anger had also disapatted and now he was left with nothing but the feeling that he had lept to far and to fast. Insecure in his hold of what he had wanted for so long. Unsure if this was even truly what he had come here for. He shook his head and looked up at the man.

"We need to discuss some things and to find you some living quarters. Come." Severus drawled. Harry nodded at his words not trusting his voice and raised a hand for severus to take. The man hesitated but then took his hand into his own and Harry allowed himself to be hauled to his feet.

They walked along in silence. what a picture they must make Harry thought. The black clad man all swishing robes and dangerous stares. The smaller man all muscle and hair looking like he had just stepped from a fantasy book. He suppressed the laughter again. Oh he had learnt some tricks over the years everyone would find him much different to who they had known before. Harry's stomach clenched at the thought.

Severus stopped them at a door on the 7th floor. One that Harry didn't recognise. It certainly wasn't the way to the headmasters office. With a wave of the headmasters hand the door clicked and swung lazily open. Revealing a small living room with old furniture. Blue leather chair that was over stuffed next to a fireplace. Old rickety table and chair set for two. Desk and a chair in one corner by the window. As Harry stepped in he could see a small kitchen through a door on the right and another door that was closed in front of him he presumed was the way to a bedchamber. He sighed and turned to Deverus.

"I will be staying here then." He sighed again.

" I think that wise." Was all that Severus would say not meeting his eye.

"why" Harry pushed knowing he was pushing.

"Why do you think." Got snapped back at him before Severus swept over to the sofa and sat down. " We barely know each other. What we do know is probably completely wrong if we do this then we should do it right. I also think that if we bonded now you may regret it later and then it would be to late."

Harry mulled this over in his mind as he pulled over a rickety chair in front of Severus and sat down. "So you want to date." He asked cocking a head to one side. That was unexpected.

"In a manner of speaking yes. " Severuss eyes bored into him and his throat ran dry.

"It has been 6 years surely the time for that has passed." Harry countered. Digging his elbows into his knees and letting his chin drop on to his fists. With an audible sigh.

" And yet you do not know me and I do not know you." Severus said. Leaning back away from Harry as if to give them some distance. Harry quirked his head to the side knowing that he gave him the look of mischief before raising himself up on his feet to lookbdown at Severus.

"I will allow it."He conceded not knowing what else to do the butterflies in his stomach flaring just by being around this man. His gaze and close proximity obviously made the other uncomfortable. So he moved away and looked around the room before coming back and settling back on the chair.

"What do you propose." This seemed to make Severus blush although his face didn't change. The pink of his cheeks gave him away that he was already skipping ahead in his brain. Harry smiled at him. Making the blush deepen.

"Just a period of getting to know one another. You can stay here for as long as you wish. " His voice was slightly gruffer than usual counter balancing its normal silken tones.

"Oo kay. " Harry agreed " But what will I do while I'm here. I cannot just sit around and wait for our dates Severus." He picked up on the slight quak in Severus's hands as he said his name. The man was obviously more affected by him than he thought. Harry mused.

"Hagrid needs an assistant which would be a good way to pass the time. If this does not suit you then maybe there would be other openings that would suit you more." The reply was smooth and silken as if it had been well thought out.

"No that should be fine." The idea of working with Hagrid and being away from these walls and in the forest made him very happy. He had never been freer than when he was alone and sourounded by trees.

Severus pulled himself out of the chair. "I should let you settle in." He said whilst looking round the room. This is your opportunity Harry take it. His brain started screaming at him imediately. He hadn't come all this way to be tucked up in a castle and not receive anything. His heart fluttered as he stood up too. Just a few steps Harry, do this. He stepped over to the man almost pulling his body flush. Just an inch between them. He gazed up at the man through his lashes.

"Severus." He whispered pulling the man's eyes to his face. His body was rigid in front of him. Now Harry now now. He let his hand trip up his chest and over his shoulder. He did not pull away. Part of him registered that with surprise but the rest of him was thrumming from this light contact. Severus's eyes softened slightly. His head slowly dipped down as if in slow motion and Harry caught his lips crossing the few inches between them by standing on his tip toes.

The kiss was light. Chaste. It was a kiss that seeped with control from both parties. Clearly daylight between their bodies. It lasted a full 30 seconds before Severus pulled away. Just desernable to Harry were blown pupils in the man's eye. As if there could of been so much more. That he was truly wanted and found attractive. The butterflies intensified. Severus stared into him as if searching for something and then strode toward the door. The warmth of his body so close was missed deeply when it was gone. Harry's head followed him as he went.

"See you at dinner?" It sounded like a question from him Harry just nodded his acceptance. Then Severus was gone.

will be continued.

old lovers and new is the name of book 2 I really hope you have enjoyed this story and the next one is a bit of a fly by the seat of your pants affair please leave a comment if you enjoyed!

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