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"Hey, a-Luo?"
"Hm? Yes, Yingying?"
His wife set down her teacup, expression serious but not seeming too upset. Luo Binghe put away the map he was looking over to give her his attention.
"I was just wondering…," she spoke. "I know that he's still your prisoner, but…what do you think about maybe letting Shizun out of that room sometime? It's just that… he hasn't left it since you brought him back, right? And he hardly sees anyone, so he's alone most of the day. So maybe… Maybe he would start feeling a little better if he could go somewhere else for a little? Just another room or the gardens if you think it's okay?"
As soon as she spoke the suggestion aloud, Luo Binghe felt himself tense.
In reality, he had no desire to let anyone else see his Shizun, even having not been entirely sure of letting his Empress see him. In letting him out of that room, anyone could look at him, take his attention away, and Luo Binghe didn't like that. He may not harbor nearly as many malicious intentions toward his former teacher as he once did, but that just fueled his possessiveness. If Shen Qingqiu wasn't quite as bad as he once thought, then that was all the more reason why he should have him, all the more reason the man should look at him and only him.
He didn't want other people looking at what was his unless necessary.
Then, of course, was the more practical side of things. There were plenty of reasons why it was safer to keep Shen Qingqiu locked up.
To begin with, the man had created many enemies for himself, some of Luo Binghe's wives among them. Liu Mingyan and Qiu Haitang would undoubtedly be furious if (when) they found out about his resurrection, and he was reasonably concerned that at least Liu Mingyan would try to kill Shen Qingqiu outright. Qiu Haitang would most likely throw a fit rather than kill him herself, but she'd certainly support Liu Mingyan in doing it. Then there were the many faceless others who might hate Shen Qingqiu for one reason or another and would balk at the idea of his sentence being so heavily lightened.
And then, of course, was the fact that Shen Qingqiu was still threatening and trying to kill himself, and if he was let out of the room, that would instantly become a much more likely possibility. If he managed to slip away or snatch something, he may actually be able to fulfill his threat. Safety-proofing one room was already difficult enough- he couldn't safety-proof the rest of the world quite so easily.
In the end, he decided to only tell Ning Yingying the last two reasons he was against it.
"Yingying, I believe that Shizun may end up dead if I let him out, either by his own hand or someone else's," Luo Binghe explained. "If Liu Mingyan knew he was alive, I would already have a hard enough time stopping her from going to his room to kill him."
"Mingyan wouldn't… She is not so impulsive."
"She is when it comes to her brother," Luo Binghe corrected. "She will never forgive Shen Qingqiu for Liu Qingge's death."
Luo Binghe was still torn on this matter. Because Liu Qingge was dead, and Liu Mingyan was his wife, and not even Shen Qingqiu himself knew if he was guilty or not. He now knew that his Shizun hadn't really been in control of what he was doing, but that didn't bring the dead man back to life, and therefore, it wouldn't settle his wife's resentment.
"I wish you could bring Liu-shishu back…," Ning Yingying sighed. "Then Mingyan wouldn't still grieve so much."
"He has long-since reincarnated," Luo Binghe told her. "The only reason I could bring Shizun back as I did was because his spirit had been too restless to reincarnate."
"Are you sure? If he was murdered, wouldn't his soul be restless as well?"
"I did check, once," Luo Binghe answered. "And the circumstances of their deaths… were not quite the same, Yingying."
He really had. Granted, he didn't particularly care about Liu Qingge, but he did care about his wife, and he thought it wouldn't be fair to her to not even look into it. But all he found was that Liu Qingge's soul was nowhere to be found and therefore could not be transferred to a new body.
He could see her shoulders fall a little.
"I know…," Ning Yingying agreed solemnly. "I just can't believe Shizun would do such a thing. I know that he's capable of terrible things now, but it's still hard to believe it sometimes…"
As much as Luo Binghe was completely aware of how terrible their Shizun could be, he did know that Shen Qingqiu was perhaps a little less guilty of this particular crime.
"About that…," Luo Binghe began to explain. "Along with the research I did on what happened at the Qiu estate, I've discovered other things as well."
He brushed a piece of hair behind his ear, getting it out of his face.
"The day Liu Qingge died, he was experiencing a qi deviation," Luo Binghe continued. "So was Shizun. He was trying to stop Liu Qingge's qi deviation when it happened, they fought, and by the time they were found, Liu Qingge was already dead. But Shizun himself doesn't remember what actually happened, and there were no other witnesses, so it's impossible to know the truth of the matter."
Ning Yingying's eyes went wide.
"Shizun told you this?!"
"… In a sense, yes."
"So, he might not have killed Liu-shishu after all?!" she exclaimed. "You have to tell Mingyan about that!"
"I can't," Luo Binghe denied. "No one knows what happened. Shen Qingqiu may still have killed him. What comfort will such unknowns bring to her? All it will do is confuse her grief. You know as well as I that having her grudge against Shen Qingqiu fulfilled is what helped her start moving on. If I tell her this, it will just reopen her wounds without offering a balm to heal them."
"But what if knowing what happened could help heal her?" Ning Yingying pressed. "If he was having a qi deviation, then it wasn't cold-blooded murder, even if Shizun did actually kill him! Might she not find comfort in the thought that her brother at least wasn't killed in cruelty?"
He wanted to deny her outright, but she was making enough sense that there was a chance she was right. But he also thought his own words made sense.
"I'll think about it," he acquiesced. "But I'm still not sure if comfort would be her response to such news."
He smoothed out his robes.
"And besides that, it's not only Mingyan's reaction we would need to worry about, but also Qiu Haitang's," Luo Binghe added. "She still doesn't know the truth of what happened, so as far as she knows, Shen Qingqiu is still the man who brutally murdered her family and burned down her estate for no reason. She would never accept him being brought back to life with what she knows now."
"Well, why can't we tell Haitang what happened?" Ning Yingying asked. "You told me, and it wasn't even my grudge."
"That's different, Yingying. I didn't give you any details," the demon disagreed. "But Haitang would demand them, if she even believed it at all."
He knew that what happened wasn't as simple as being beaten up a little. No, Qiu Jianluo had been cruel and sick and perverted in a way that twisted Shen Jiu into the person he was today. He knew that. He didn't want his wife to know that, and Shen Qingqiu had already had a bad enough reaction to Luo Binghe insinuating he knew something, without even saying what it was he knew. Shen Qingqiu probably thought he'd somehow heard about the beatings, while everything else was still hidden in the past. What would happen if he found out that Luo Binghe had seen everything through his memories?
"…And I don't think Shizun would agree to giving such details," he said aloud.
"Can't you just tell her what you know so she will accept it?" Ning Yingying questioned.
"I really think she'd want to speak with him."
"Well, maybe they should speak to each other," Ning Yingying huffed. "With such a serious misunderstanding, there's no other way to deal with it, is there?"
Luo Binghe really wasn't keen on getting Qiu Haitang involved in this. Ning Yingying never really hated their Shizun, but Qiu Haitang despised him. Really, even coming from her husband's mouth, would she actually believe that what happened was the truth? He doubted it. Most likely, she'd demand to see Shen Qingqiu so she could scream at him, and then she'd scream at Luo Binghe for being so cruel as to bring him back in the first place.
It would be a huge headache.
"It is not so easy, Yingying..
She crossed her arms over her chest, pouting a little.
"… But if Shizun agreed, will you allow it?" she asked. "I really don't think that he'll get any better locked up in that room."
"He won't agree."
"He might."
He sighed. His wife could definitely be stubborn. Perhaps she'd picked it up from their Shizun, the lord of stubbornness himself.
Thinking the conversation was over for now, Luo Binghe returned to his map, half-distracted by thoughts of the older man.
XXX
The next time Ning Yingying came to visit him by herself, she looked oddly determined about something.
Shen Qingqiu had been having one of those days where he didn't feel like doing anything, so he was laying in the bed when she opened the door. He wasn't particularly motivated to get up so he could greet her.
"Shizun."
He let out a breath.
"Hello, Yingying."
"Are you feeling well?" she asked. "You're still in bed."
"I'm fine. Besides, what does 'still' mean when I don't even know what time it is?"
She set down food he wasn't going to eat on the table.
"It's a bit past mid-day," she informed him. "But it's unlike Shizun to remain in bed after he's awake."
Honestly, this girl had no idea what was or wasn't normal for him anymore. He was a long distance away from being a peak lord now, and he certainly wasn't the same person as the Shizun she remembered.
He really didn't want to get up. The last dose of drugs had already worn off, but it was easier to blame his lethargy on that than himself, so he did.
Though it wasn't very dignified (as if he could even be dignified anymore), Shen Qingqiu flung an arm over his face.
"Shizun?"
"Hm."
"Can I talk to you about something?"
Oh, what now?
Sitting up, he let his arm fall to his side. He didn't get out of the bed, though, just waiting for the woman to speak.
"So, I was talking to a-Luo…," she began. "And I think it would help you to be able to go somewhere else in the palace for a little bit, but…"
Instantly, Shen Qingqiu froze.
What was this girl talking about, going somewhere else? As if that would happen. And even if he was allowed to leave the room, what would be the point? He'd still be a prisoner, still under Luo Binghe's control.
"But he's worried about Mingyan and Haitang," she continued. "He thinks they'll be upset to find out you're back…"
Of course they would! Did Ning Yingying seriously believe that her fellow wives would just be fine with the man who wronged them so much being brought back from the dead?
"But I think, if we explained things to them, they might come around…"
If the first part of what she said made him freeze, this part turned him to ice. His blood began to rush in his years.
"Explain what, Yingying?" he questioned, breathless.
"About what actually happened."
His fingers clenched around his arms, the grip weak and his nails too short to do any damage.
"What do you mean 'what actually happened'?!" he hissed. "What would you know about 'what happened'?!"
She frowned at him.
"I mean, not much, but a-Luo told me that Haitang's brother hurt you, which is why you killed him and…," she looked away. "He also told me that you had a qi deviation and don't remember whether you killed Liu-shishu or not…"
Haitang's brother hurt you.
Her words were still vague enough that he could assume that, perhaps, that was all she or Luo Binghe knew. Maybe they didn't know any of the details, and he didn't need to panic over it. Maybe they didn't know how the Young Master had beaten him or locked him up without food or forced him to hide in his sister's room or-
But something was prodding at him, telling him that, even if Ning Yingying didn't know, Luo Binghe did. Because Qiu Haitang's grudge wouldn't be resolved by knowing he'd been hit a few times. And Liu Mingyan's wouldn't be satisfied in just knowing he had a qi deviation. The only thing that might have even a possibility of changing their hearts was knowing the details (if even that would). And Luo Binghe wasn't stupid. He would know that his wives' grudges ran deep and would not be easily swayed.
So what did Luo Binghe know that made him think they could be?
"Breathe, Shizun!"
He hadn't even realized that he'd started hyperventilating, but now, he was painfully aware. His chest hurt, and with every gulp of air he took in, his throat felt tighter.
"I-I'm sorry! I didn't…"
How would he have found out? It didn't make any sense- even if Luo Binghe had managed to track down one of the surviving Qiu servants somehow, he couldn't have done the same for what happened with Liu Qingge. There had only been two people there that day, and one of them was dead while the other couldn't even remember what he did. He had never explained himself, just let people believe whatever they wanted and let Yue Qingyuan smooth things over. Everyone thought he killed Liu Qingge. Even he himself thought he probably killed him. There was no way for Luo Binghe to know that he didn't remember. So how could he tell it to Ning Yingying?
What exactly had Luo Binghe done to get that information?
Something was touching him, and he gasped, but he was too focused on trying not to choke to struggle this time.
"It's okay, Shizun… It's okay…"
Luo Binghe must have done something. He didn't know what, but he did something. He must have.
.
.
By the time he started to calm down, he realized that someone was holding him, patting his hair, and as soon as he was able to register it, he jerked back.
Ning Yingying let him go easily, and he fell into the mattress.
"What do you think you're doing?!"
She put her hands up in a placating manner, giving him a worried look.
"Sorry, Shizun, I was trying to help you calm down," the woman explained. "Are you okay?"
He righted himself again, putting as much distance as he could between them.
"Your shameless husband is rubbing off on you," he bit out.
Ning Yingying smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. His chest shuddered painfully.
"I… know that, whatever happened, it clearly pains you, Shizun…"
He scoffed.
"Who's pained? Please stop speaking of this, Yingying."
"Don't you want to be able to leave the room, Shizun?" Ning Yingying asked. "I know it will be hard, but if we explain what happened, a-Luo will let you out sometimes."
No. No, no, no. He was not going to let this happen. Ning Yingying having an idea was bad enough. Luo Binghe knowing was even worse. He may not care very much about Liu Mingyan herself, but Qiu Haitang was a different story. She'd once been his sanctuary, and later, she'd become his accuser. Even still, she was never supposed to know what had happened. His last spark of fondness for her, small as it had become, would not allow that. Nor would his own remaining scraps of shame.
"No," he breathed. "No."
"Shizun-"
"Yingying," Shen Qingqiu spoke firmly, trying to sound like the peak lord he had once been and failing. "I would rather spend the rest of my life in the hell your husband created for me than to discuss what has happened with Liu Mingyan and Qiu Haitang. The past has already happened, and it's over. Let it remain that way."
"But…"
"No," he repeated, grabbing her shoulders and looking at her. "I will not allow it."
He was practically begging. He knew he was powerless here, that Luo Binghe could spill his secrets whenever he wanted, apparently to whoever he wanted. He'd already told Ning Yingying some of it- so what would stop either him or her from spilling his past to the rest of the damned beast's wives?!
Yelling didn't work. Protesting didn't work. Fighting didn't work. Threats didn't work. Spitting, biting, cursing- none of it convinced Luo Binghe not to do something after he'd already decided to do it. The only thing he could do was act pathetic enough in front of Ning Yingying that she'd listen and perhaps influence her husband.
"Your husband has taken everything from me," he growled. "My peak, my sect, my title, my pride, my home- even my limbs, my sanity, and my life. He does not get my past, and neither do you. He can keep me in a cage all he wants, do whatever horrific things he wishes to me, and I can't do anything about it. Please, let me keep just one thing."
He let go of her, resisting the urge to shove her away like he would have done to Luo Binghe. It was hard to separate them, then. Ning Yingying was her husband's tool, even if she wasn't trying or wanting to be.
"If you actually knew what happened, you would understand," he told her, still pleading.
This was the only thing he had left, and he was already losing it. Luo Binghe was really going to take even this from him, wasn't he? But this wasn't Luo Binghe's to take- what Qiu Jianluo did to him and what he did in return were not for Luo Binghe to meddle with. They were crimes that had nothing to do with him.
"Please…"
After a moment, Ning Yingying took his hands, much more gently than he grabbed her shoulders.
"Okay," she said. "Okay. Calm down. I'm sorry for bringing this up, Shizun. I was trying to help, but I should have known you wouldn't want to talk about this. I won't tell them, alright? I'll figure out some other way."
He should have felt relieved. Instead, his brain was still ringing alarm bells.
And his chest wouldn't stop pulsing with pain.
XXX
Yingying is… trying…
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