Trigger warning: This chapter includes the topic of child loss

Chapter 22

Decisions In The Shadow Of Loss

With the wedding only two weeks away, Rose found herself caught in a whirlwind of excitement and anxiety. The air buzzed with anticipation, and the calendar pages seemed to flip faster than she could grasp them. The closer the date loomed, the more her nerves tightened their grip, pulling at the edges of her composure. She noticed it in the way she behaved herself, even no; like a lunatic on the edge of a breakdown, she rushed through the house, collecting Cora's final belongings before putting it in her back. Looking at the clock, Rose groaned.

"Why isn't he here yet?"

"He should have been here five minutes ago." Cora answered, also in an annoyed manner as she entered the kitchen. She fidgeted with her math books, glancing at the clock every few seconds, while Rose tried to keep her nerves at bay, stealing occasional glances at her own watch. The mathematics practice was starting soon, and Cora couldn't afford to be late. As the minutes ticked away, the sound of the doorbell echoed through the house. Rose rushed to the door, expecting to see Henry's familiar face. However, when she swung the door open, her surprise was palpable. With a lopsided grin on his face, he tucked away a loose strand of his blonde hair behind his ear.

"Hello again."

"Jack?"

He noticed something in her expression, a slight hint of discomfort. "I might have a feeling as if it is not a convenient timing of me."

Cora peered over Rose's shoulder, her eyes widening in delight. "Jack! I didn't know you were in town!"

The minute Rose let Jack into the house, the doorbell rang again. This time it was in fact, Henry. He stepped inside when his eyes locked onto the presence of a familiar stranger. "Mr. Dawson?" The tone of his voice was bitter and it was all too clear that he wasn't happy to see him, "What brings you here?"

"I just wanted to give you something and wish you all the best for your wedding before I am leaving."

"Leaving?" Cora asked shockingly, "What do you mean leaving?"

Rose stepped forward, her head dizzy from all the stimuli. "Why don't we talk about it tonight? I shall make us a nice hearty dinner. Cora you must go now."

"Yes." Cora nodded and looked at Henry, "We really must go now, Henry. I can't be late for my practice."

With his annoyance evident, Henry gazed at Jack one more time before walking Cora up to his car. Once they had driven off, Rose closed the door behind her and let out a deep sigh. Then she turned to Jack with an apologetic smile. "It's usually not this chaotic around here."

"Listen," Jack said in all seriousness, "I can sense that it's not a good timing for me to be here. So I'll just give you this and then I'll leave." He pulled a small box out of his pocket and handed it to Rose.

"Don't be absurd, Jack. You are not leaving." Then, she gently took hold of the box, but did not open it. She walked back towards the kitchen, pulled open the refrigerator and took out a can of freshly made lemonade. In the meantime, Jack slowly strolled around the house. It was small, but the big windows let in enough light to make it appear grand. The whole ambiance of Rose's home felt warm and welcoming. Her interior perfectly matching, but with a great sense of bohemianism. Jack couldn't help but feel proud, how she had managed to built this life for herself. He could feel the pride plastering on his face and he walked back in the kitchen. Rose was looking at the small box whilst holding two glasses.

"You don't want to open it?" Jack chuckled.

"Of course, I do. But not when you are on the opposite side of the house. Come, let's sit in the yard. I don't believe we'll have many of these lovely summer days left."

The two sat down, the late summer sun castings it's final moments of warmth on their faces. Rose then dared to open the small wooden box which had been burning in the palm of her hands for the past minutes. Inside, two wooden hearts, both painted a beautiful crimson red. She took one out and inspected it when she noticed a small quote on the back of it: Aimer, c'est vivre. Aimer, c'est voir. Aimer c'est être.

"To love is to live, to love it to see, to love is to be." Rose whispered.

"My grandmother made this before marrying my grandfather. On their wedding day she kept it inside her stocking and he kept it inside one of his pockets, both believing that would bring their marriage eternal luck. My parents did the same thing on their wedding day. Now I want you to have it for yours."

Rose shook her head in disbelief. "Jack, I can't accept this. This is your family's heirloom." She placed the heart back inside the box and handed it back. Jack refused.

"It's not as if I'm going to get much use out of it very soon. So if I'm going to feel any of my family's love. I want it to be through you."

"I don't know what to say, Jack." She stared at her gift for a few moments longer before looking back at Jack. "Tell me about them. Your parents."

A wistful smile touched Jack's lips as memories of his parents flood his mind. "It was love at first sight, they'd always say. They were complete opposites, but they complemented each other in the most beautiful way. Dad was the dreamer, the one who'd paint the skies in hues of gold and blue. Mom, she kept him grounded, rooted in reality."

As Jack spoke, Rose could feel the depth of emotion in his words, a mixture of nostalgia and admiration. "They faced their fair share of struggles, you know. Life wasn't always easy. Money was tight. But through it all, they never let go of each other."

Her heart felt warm as Jack continued to speak about his life and everything he hadn't told her before. She quickly came to the notion that he was even more full of surprises than she thought. Then, they sat in silence for a while until it an important question popped into her head.

"Through all the whirlwind of the past weeks I totally forgot to ask you, but I would really like it if you could come to our wedding, Jack."

He didn't respond right away, but sat up straight in his chair. "I'm sorry, Rose, but I can't," he simply said, "You see that's why I've stopped by so unexpectedly. You see, I am leaving tomorrow to go to Paris for four months."

"Paris?" Rose's eyes widened.

"Yes. I know it's all very unexpected, and I barely believe it either. But I came in contact with a French artist and he offered me an apprenticeship at his school."

"But the gallery? You only opened it two weeks ago." Rose was aware of the tone of her voice and she didn't like it. Yet, she couldn't help but feel disappointed, as if she was being left alone once again.

"Mrs. Taylor will take care of it for the time being."

"And she doesn't mind that?"

"No. She even is the one who encouraged me to go."

At a loss for words, Rose shot up from her chair and looked at her watch. "My goodness. Look at the time, I have to start preparing the stew."

"Rose." Jack stood up as well.

"I do want to hear everything about it, Jack. But right now, I really have to get into the kitchen."

"You want me to help."

"No," she heavily shook her head, "I want you to enjoy the sun and I'll call for you if I need any help." Rose quickly rushed inside, leaving Jack confused with emotions. He wanted to go after her, but something inside him told him that he needed to leave her be for the moment. It was a great honor, Rose wanting him to be at her wedding. Yet, even if he wasn't going to Europe, he believed that that would be a near impossible task to do.

Jack sat down again, lingering in his own emotions. He had wanted to see her so bad, still as Rose, before the future would swirl them into a new dimension. Right now she was still the woman who he had met all those years ago. There was no sound coming from out of the house. No scattering of pans. No knife cutting through vegetables. There was nothing but pure silence.

"Are you sure you don't want any help, Rose?" He asked whilst entering the kitchen. Rose wasn't there, but what Jack did see made his stomach drop.

"Rose?" He asked with a slight hint of panic in his voice, "Rose where are you?" He quickly noticed there were some muffled sounds coming from upstairs. He followed the noise, leaving him standing before a closed door. He knocked.

"Rose what is going on?"

"I'm fine Jack," Rose murmured from the other side.

"There is blood in the kitchen. There is even blood on the staircase." He tried to open the door, but she had locked it.

"I just had a little accident. I'll be there in a minute."

Jack realised that she was crying. "I know something is up, Rose. Open the door."

"I told you I'm fine!"

It did not take him long, but it did take him a lot of strength to burst through. The scene in front of him was worse than he had anticipated. Sitting in a pile of blood, Rose took hold of a bar of soap and threw it in his direction. "Get out! I don't want you to see me like this!"

Slowly but surely, Jack walked up to her. "I am going to help you." He stated steadily, trying his best to hide his own fear. He lifted her from the floor and managed to put her inside the bathtub. Jack moved quietly around the small space, cleaning up the remnants of a heart-wrenching ordeal. The crimson stains on the tiled floor seemed to mock the fragility of life itself. He spared her a fleeting glance, his heart aching for the anguish etched on her face. The water in the bathtub had slowly turned tepid, and Rose, her once vibrant eyes now dulled by a heavy sorrow, sat huddled in the tub, her knees drawn up to her chest. Droplets from her damp hair clung to her face, reflecting the pained emotions etched across it.

"I can imagine you think poorly of me now." Rose whispered through her tears.

With a shocked expresion on his face, Jack turned around. "Why on earth would you say that?"

"Because I got pregnant before being married. And look at this mess, Jack. It basically looks like a murder scene. I feel so ashamed.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jack stammered as he kneeled next to the tub, "Don't you ever think I think poorly of you. You don't have to feel ashamed. This is not your fault and you're not disgusting. Not for a second."

"How am I going to tell Henry."

"Did he… Did he know you were pregnant?"

Rose nodded her head. "That's the main reason why we decided to marry so soon."

"I understand."

"And you know what the worst thing is, Jack… When I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't happy. I was scared. All I could see was my own mother and I was scared that I was going to be just like her. I had this belief that I was going to be a horrible mother and maybe the baby felt that too. Maybe it thought: "Yes. You are going to be a horrible mother and I don't want that." So maybe this was its way to save itself before it would be too late."

Jack could now feel the tears burn behind his own eyes and tried his hardest to hold them back. He had to be strong for her. "And what about Cora?"

"Cora?"

"Cora might not be your child, but look at how you've taken care of her for the past years? She has grown into a beautiful and strong young woman and she didn't do that all on her own, Rose. That is also because of you. Because of your love," he took a deep breath, "This is nothing but a horrible and unfortunate event you are going through right now, but promise me; you are going to make lots of babies and watch them grow and you are going to be an amazing mother."

"You really think that?" Rose sobbed.

He smiled gently. "I know it. And now I am going to bring you to bed because you need rest."

With a slight nod, Rose let Jack help her get out of the bathtub. Her wet dress clinging against her skin. She knew in that moment that, to get herself dry again, she had to take it off. He was going to see her naked. Jack stood behind her, his hands finding its way to the buttons on the back of her dress. Slowly, he unbuttoned them. His touch felt familiar, comforting even. Before rose could fathom wat was happening, her dress feel onto the floor and Jack quickly wrapped a towel around her body. She let him walk her to her bedroom, where he prepared her bed with such delicate care, afraid that the slightest hint of discomfort would cause even more trouble.

"You have a nightgown or something?"

Rose shuffled towards her closet and took out a light blue cotton dress. Jack held his breath and turned around when Rose put it on. As she crawled into bed, Jack carefully tucked her in.

"Do I need to call for the doctor?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It only hurts a bit, but I'm not bleeding anymore."

"Is there any way I can contact Henry?"

"I don't want you to," Rose admitted in a soft whisper, "he'll be back tonight. Then I'll tell him."

"All right," Jack nodded, "I'll be downstairs. Please, call for me when you need anything." As he was about to walk through the door, Rose called his name one last time. She looked at his silhouette in the doorway.

"Thank you," was all she said, "thank you for everything."

Jack had promised to be there when Henry arrived, to face the consequences together. He knew the truth would be a bitter pill for Henry to swallow, but there was no escaping it.

The front door creaked open, and Jack's heart pounded in his chest. He stood, his eyes focused on hallway, bracing himself for the confrontation that awaited. Henry's footsteps echoed through the house, growing louder with each step.

As Henry entered the living room, with Cora following close behind him, his eyes met Jack's, and the air seemed to thicken with tension. The shock that flashed across Henry's face was palpable as he took in Jack's disheveled appearance, clothes stained with the haunting reminder of the recent tragedy.

"What the hell happened to you?" Henry demanded, his voice a mixture of confusion and anger.

Jack stepped forward. "It's Rose. She just had a miscarriage."

A stunned silence enveloped the room as the gravity of Jack's words settled. Henry's face contorted with a mixture of shock, grief, and anger. "A miscarriage? Why the hell didn't you call me, Dawson. This is my fiancee we're talking about!"

Jack's shoulders slumped, remorse etched across his face. "I didn't think. I was just trying to be there for her, to clean up the mess, to... help her through it."

Henry's anger flared as he processed the information. "Help her through it? How can you help her when you can't even pick up the damn phone to call me?"

Still trying to comprehend the shock, Cora tried her best to defend Jack. "He was just trying to help her, Henry."

But Henry ignored her completely. "Is she in bed?"

"Yes."

Cora and Jack watched how Henry rushed up the stairs as if his life depended on it. It was until he was out of sight that Cora allowed her tears to flow. "I didn't even know she was pregnant." She cried.

"Come here." Jack wrapped his arms around her trembling body.

Upstairs, Henry rushed inside of Rose's bedroom. She was awake, staring blindly in front of her, barely acknowledging Henry's entrance.

"Oh my sweetheart." He cried out and sat next to her on the bed.

"There is not going to be a baby anymore, Henry." Rose said, tears rolling down her cheeks. Eventually, she managed to sit up straight, "It all happened so fast. I blinked and there was just blood everywhere."

"Try to calm down, Rose. It is all right. We are going to be fine." He kissed her softly. The salt taste of her tears lingering on his lips. Henry took a moment to collect his thoughts and stared straight into her eyes.

"Did he do something to you? Jack I mean."

"No! Why would you even suggest that?"

"Isn't it kind of suspicious that he is here all of a sudden. Like, he just showed up unannounced at your door."

"I just lost a baby, Henry. Our child. And you are worrying whether Jack has something to do with it or not?"

"I just want to protect you, Rose. I love you," Henry claimed defensively, "Ever since I laid eyes on that man I've had this feeling as if he wants something from you."

"He stopped by to give us a wedding present, Henry. But I am too tired right now to have this conversation."

And so she slept, for hours on end until Cora's soft voice woke her up in the early hours of the morning. She stood next to her bed with warm cup a tea and a plate with two pieces of toast.

"Oh Cora." Rose whimpered.

"Please, you don't have to talk about it." She responded, feeling the tears in her eyes once again. "I just want to make sure you are all right."

"Yes. I am fine." And took the cup and plate out of Cora's hands.

"And," Cora reached inside the pocket of her dress, "Jack asked me to give you this." She was holding a small envelope.

"He is gone, isn't he?"

Cora nodded her head, "He had to go to New York."

"And Henry?"

"Already at work."

"Of course." Rose scoffed, "Well, you must hurry too, darling, or you'll be late for school."

"Are you sure you can manage?"

"Yes, darling."

"I'm not going to my exam training today, so I'll be back around three." Placing a kiss on Rose's forehead she left the house, leaving Rose in utter silence. She had to move, she thought. One more moment in bed and she was going to scream. As she lifted her duvet off her body she noticed that there was still a small amount of blood on the towel underneath her. As she lifted her nightgown, she saw that the inside of her legs were also red.

With Jack's envelope in her hands, Rose managed to reach the kitchen before her body became too tired. So she openend it, scared for the words he had written down.

Dear Rose,

My heart hurts to leave right now after what happened. By the time you're reading this I'll be on my way to Europe. Still, I want to thank you for the past few weeks. To have you back into my life is the biggest gift I could have ever asked for. You have grown into the woman with such radiance and confidence I knew was within you when we first met. Those were only one of the many things that made me fall in love with you eleven years ago. But loving someone also means you're able to let someone go. I know I am leaving you in good hands with Henry and I can't wait for the life you'll build up together.

Hopefully, our paths will cross again in the future.

Love, Jack

Rose smashed the letter onto the kitchen counter, her body filling with both sadness and rage. She could not cry and only stared in front of her as if she had faded into nothingness. Her mind went back to the past; her seventeen year old self standing on deck, her mind in the same state as it was now. What she didn't then, was the man who would change the trajectory of her life was only a few feet away from her. Right now, she couldn't even comprehend how far away he must be.

A voice suddenly called behind her. When she turned around she saw one of her neighbours neighbour banging on the window.

"I've been waving at you for minutes, Rose! I've come to fir your wedding dress."