The 26 remaining teams of genin stood in front of a large fence perimeter. Beyond it was a forest with towering trees and, unknown to most of them, treacherous wildlife. Warning signs were posted on the linked chains. Even the first gate had half a dozen locks and a tag warning of danger. It was overkill but not without good reason.

"Welcome to the stage of the second test, Arena 44: the Forest of Death." Anko smiled oh so maliciously. "You'll find out for yourself why it's called that."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Bitch, please! I was more scared of the freaking paper exam."

Anko drew a kunai, threw it at the boy's whiskered cheek, and was behind him in the span of a second. "Bitch?" Securing him by the shoulder and the other cheek, she dragged her tongue from his jaw to the bleeding cut she made, establishing her dominance. "You're lucky I like you."

"Uh…" He glanced back and saw her slight blush. Then she saw her draw another kunai when some foreign ninja handed the one with his blood on it back with her tongue of all things, killing his growing erection.

"Here's your kunai," the ninja somehow said.

Anko's reddened tongue snaked back into her mouth. "Why thank you." She took it, holding the two kunai together. "But the next time you get behind me, I just might kill you."

The stranger stepped back and sheathed her own overly long tongue. "I just get excited when I see fresh blood. And you cut my hair; I couldn't help it." She walked back to her team.

Kiba, who could smell certain feelings and pheromones, grimaced. "Those three...really are freaks."

"Naruto," Hinata whispered.

"This is going to be fun!" Anko fished some papers from her inner-coat jacket after putting away her kunai. "Before we begin, I need you to sign these consent forms. Some of you will die, and it'd be a shame if I was held responsible for your bitch ass selves, but first, let me explain." She went over the layout of the forest, the goal to reach the tower, the competition for scrolls, the rules for disqualification, and then handed out the forms. "Oh!" She pointed at a far off tree branch. "And unless the Hokage himself was here to permit your presence, you can fuck right off, you green cat mask bitch!" She laughed as nearly everyone else made confused faces. "Yeah, you! I can see you!" Shaking her head, her hand fell back to her side. "Fucking anbu."

The stranger hummed as she filled out her application. They noticed it as well but didn't find anything really noteworthy. Seemed much like a rogue or independent agent. Whoever it was, they seemed to be interested in someone taking the exam. They would've been apprehended already if they were suspicious enough to warrant a tail.

The teams signed their applications and got their scrolls. Each got a gate to make sure everyone had a slightly even shot. Instructors led them to their assigned entrances, as the only one with keys. All were let in at the same time too.

"Let's fucking do this!" Naruto punched into his open palm.

Sakura frowned. "That woman was a little too close to you. And who was she talking about?"

"She had tits." He held out his hands and squeezed. "Nice big tits!"

Sasuke shook his head while Sakura twitched. "We shou–" Screams in the distance cut him off. "Focus on the goal at hand."

"First, I need to take a piss." He gave a wave and walked towards the foliage, knowing his teammates would protest him doing it in front of them. Behind a tree, he moved to unzip his fly but shifted into an elbow when he heard ruffling grass behind him. He spun on his heel to face a recoiling Hidden Rain Village genin. He followed with a kick to his gut and jumped on to his back when he keeled over, driving him flat against the ground. "I knew you were there, by the way." He picked him up, dragged him out, and threw him over to his teammates.

"Already?" Sakura asked. She made a few hand seals. "Let me figure out what he knows."

"No need." Naruto hopped over, squatted down, and broke one of his fingers, making him scream.

She winced. "We're attracting attention this way, and isn't that a bit much?"

"You've been on edge since we met Rock Lee's team," Sasuke said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Naruto broke another of the Rain ninja's fingers. "...I know." He focused on their captive. "But we need to know where the other two are."

"Genjutsu." Sakura pointed at herself and pointed at the squirming stranger. "Mind rape."

"Only action you'll get anytime soon." He flinched at her displeased gaze. "Sorry."

The Rain ninja grunted. "I came here alone, you asshole! I don't have my scroll either, and I told them to go on ahead without me."

Sasuke moved an arm in Naruto's way when he drew a kunai. "I mean it: you're off-center. I'm not sure what's going on or what you're feeling, but we have more important things to do than torture some weakling."

"Hey, fuck you, Leaf brat!"

"Are you sure you don't want me to?" Naruto asked. He shrugged and moved his hands to his fly when his partner nodded. "At least let me take that piss."

"What?!"

"Sure," Sasuke said, walking away to give him space. Sakura held back laughter following him.

"No! Noooo!" The Rain ninja couldn't help but cry, literally, at the disrespectful treatment he suffered. He was left with two broken fingers, possibly a ruptured intestine, bruised ribs, and covered in another man's waste. Nothing could restore his pride. His enemy left him catatonic.

Naruto snickered to himself as he pulled his fly up. "That guy was from the Hidden Rain Village, right?" He joined the rest of his team, and they kept moving. "Think he'd be used to it."

"You're so awful!" Sakura giggled.

Sasuke kept his smile hidden from the other two. "Let's not waste any–" A concentrated blast of wind staggered him. He rolled to take cover in the foliage and Sakura did the same, being the closest to him and able to see his action.

All focus shifted to Naruto, blowing him far away and right into a tree. "Son of a cunt!" He stood himself up and was met with the sight of a giant snake the size of the forest roots slithering towards him. "Ah, fuck." He narrowly dodged a bite, but he failed to take into account the lack of limbs and flexibility of a snake: it coiled its tail around his body. "Ah," he said, getting an eye-full of the creature's oral anatomy, "fuck!" The world around him became pink and moist as it swallowed him whole.

"To think you'd die by becoming snake dung." The Tailed Beast laughed

Naruto's eyes turned red for a few seconds but faded back to blue. "No way in hell!" He put his fingers together for the Shadow Clone Jutsu. If he could create enough to fill a classroom, he could create more than enough to overwhelm the beast and make it spit him out, if not kill it.

Like a cockroach infested with wasp eggs, the giant snake exploded forth over a hundred Narutos.

He collectively wiped the blood off his face, blinked, and took a deep breath, creating another Naruto chorus. "I am Naruto Uzumaki." The original cleared his throat. "You all know what I'm thinking. Right now, you're not just me, and I'm not the real Naruto. We are Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki, the many yet only." The army of Narutos nodded with him. "Now! Tell me! What are we going to do!?"

"Kill them all!" They raised their fists into the air.

"And who are we going to kill!?"

"Everyone not Team 7!"

"But who especially are we going to mutilate the absolute fuck out of!?"

"Any spineless fucking snake we come across!"

He raised his own fist in the air. "We are Naruto!" He aimed it at the center of the forest. "Let's go!"

A tide of orange and blue swept through the forest, screaming bloody murder all the way.

Anko, all the way back to where she introduced her test takers, held on to her sides at the coming storm. "Oh fuck! Oh hell! I knew that little bastard was going to be fun!" Laughing, she looked at the screaming Narutos scouting the farthest reaches of the forest. "Keep going, boys!" She wiped the tears from her eyes and cooed. "I want one."

Tenzo was on the branch he was shooed away from, staring with his mouth gaping beneath his mask.

Little did they know of what was to come.

Team 8 was comfortable in their safe spot surrounded by traps when they heard the screaming.

"Is that…" Kiba drifted off, his back on the ground. "Naruto?"

Hinata, leaning on a nearby tree, activated her Byakugan and jolted straight. "He's coming!"

"Big deal." He blinked as the yells grew closer and in number.

"They're shadow clones!"

He kip-upped to his feet. "How many?" A drop of sweat ran down his face when her lips parted and closed again and again until she just shook her head. "Oh right, he filled the fucking classroom." His eyes widened. "Oh shit! He filled the fucking classroom!"

Yells and poofs surrounded them for a few seconds before two Narutos swung like rabid monkeys from the highest trees into their safe zone. "Well, well!" One ran, dropped, and hooked Kiba's leg with his knees, rooting him, while the other jumped in and punched him twice in the face. "What we have here!?"

Hinata jumped on to the Naruto hooking her teammates leg, turning him to smoke, and Akamaru jumped from his owner's sweater to bite the other clone in the face.

Kiba steadied himself and wiped blood from his split lip. "He's been training with Sasuke!" He crouched down and picked up his dog.

Several wasps emerged from Shino, who was still sitting on the ground. "We may be pinned down."

Three other Narutos swooped in. "You got that right, fucker!" One nodded. "Damn right!" The last held out his hand, a gesture the other two mimicked towards the members of the team. "Give us your scrolls or so help us we will beat the ever loving shit out of you!" The first to speak blinked. "Wait a minute, how do we know about them being here?" Another scoffed. "Like we give a shit. We are Naruto!" They nodded. "Yeah!"

"We only have the Scroll of Heaven," Shino said.

The Narutos each made their own dejected faces. "And we lost almost ten of us to you." Another made a fist and held it to his chest. "Damn it!" The last saluted. "We are Naruto forever!" They ran up the trees and went back to rampaging.

Kiba swallowed a lump in his throat. "That guy has issues, man."

"I think he doesn't know how else to spend his energy," Hinata said, pressing her fingers together. "This is his way of having fun."

"He's lonely. Sentient clones may do peculiar things in accordance with the original's subconsciousness. They act that way to make him feel better," Shino said, to the great confusion of his teammates.

Their side of the Attack of the Clones had ended.

Team 10 was hiding in the bushes when the horde of orange and blue locusts descended upon the forest.

Shikamaru was the first to act, transforming into Naruto. "Guys, transform now."

"I think I'd rather die," Ino, cringing, said.

"I'd not." Choji complied, turning into the perfect image his own teammate had. "We're never going to make chunin if you do anyway."

"N–" She couldn't stop Shikamaru from covering her mouth with his hand and forcefully transforming her.

"Hey!" Two Narutos stopped on the opposite sides of them. "Are you guys Naruto?"

"…We are Naruto!" Shikamaru shouted.

Choji munched on some of his chips. "We are Naruto!"

"Mfe aw Nawto."

"Yeah!" One said. "We are Naruto!" The other finished. They resumed their Naruto business, leaving the weakest Leaf team unmolested.

"Troublesome." Shikanaruto shook his head.

Inaruto pushed his hand away. "Ugh, someone kill me."

Chonaruto kept munching. "He seems like he's having a lot of fun."

Really, it was making up for the grimness of nearly being made snake droppings.

All the other teams varied in their effectiveness against the Naruto Horde. Team Guy was left alone entirely, the clones knowing the original had dibs on one particular man. Gaara and his siblings were unharmed physically yet Temari was offended by the comments the Narutos made about the ampleness of her rump contrasting the mediocrity of her breasts. The ninja with Sound forehead protectors kept somehow instakilling his clones, so they avoided them. Two teams from villages Naruto didn't care to remember were actually taken out but neither had the Earth Scroll. Whichever Narutos weren't in battle were scouting. Some died to the wildlife or traps, but that only served to make the remaining Narutos more knowledgeable.

Six of the Narutos laid sight on a weirdo freaking out the rest of Team 7 by coiling herself around a tree branch, like a snake. "It was you!" They drew shuriken from their pouches and threw them.

The snake person dropped to escape. "I heard you yelling earlier." It licked its lips. "That chakra of yours is immense! Split a hundred and fifty ways yet you were no worse for wear whatsoever!" It threw a fanning number of shuriken back, popping half that were too slow to get away.

"You poor, creepy motherfucker!" A Naruto laughed. "Now the rest of us know where the asshole who fed us to a fucking snake is!" It was true. All other battles ceased in favor of righteous vengeance for attempted murder via giant snake.

Sasuke took out their Scroll of Heaven and held it out to the stranger. "Take this and leave"

Immediately, all Narutos focused their attention on the Uchiha. "Did… Did he just…" Another nodded. "He did." One other shook his head. "You've gotta be fucking kidding me." The last jumped over and grabbed the scroll himself. "I'm sorry, the fuck you say?!"

"This guy is too strong for us," Sasuke said. His eyes spoke of fear where his lips did not. "Trust me, Naruto."

The clone made a fist. "You…"

"Wait!" Another Naruto yelled from the ground. He ran up the tree and on to the branch. Giving the clone a high-five, he took his place.

Sasuke blinked. "Uh?"

He back-handed him hard enough to almost knock him off, to the cheers of himself and shock of Sakura. "Who the fuck are you, and what have you done to Sasuke?" He glared into his eyes. "The Sasuke I know would sooner spit on the grave of his dead clan than let anyone so easily make him their bitch." Pointing a thumb down at the observing, gleeful creep, he scoffed. "Do you really think she'd just let you go if you gave up your scroll? She tried to feed me to a fucking snake!"

"Was he really supposed to be the idiot?!" The grass ninja cut open a finger and ran it over their tattooed wrist, running from cover to cover from an ever increasing swarm of Narutos. "Allow me to correct a mistake now that I've found the real Naruto!" Another, even bigger, snake appeared beneath the ninja, and it launched itself straight at the boy's section of the branch.

Naruto moved too late, taking the full force of the rocket snake in his midsection. He caught himself with his chakra on a tree he nearly crashed into and spat blood. "You!" The rage he kept down emerged.

The stranger chuckled as the boy, manifesting a cloak of red chakra, jumped over. "Now let's s–" They stared as the cloak dissipated and his features returned to normal. "Is that involuntary?" Jumping down, they took cover from the clones' kunai with their giant snake. "Or do you really think you can beat me without that power?"

"I would rather die than ever rely on anyone else's power again!" He dropped into his stance, bouncing from one foot to the other. "Let's do this."

"I'll found out in a second." Their tongue shot out and encircled him.

Naruto shivered in disgust at the slimy embrace. "Oh come on!"

Lifting up the stomach of his vest and shirt with the tip, the stranger spread out their fingers, burning chakra patterns on them, as they lifted him over. "Your seal is showing." They thrusted them at key points among the swirl pattern. "Five Elements Unseal!"

Every other Naruto popped out of existence.

The stranger dropped the boy and walked back to lean on a nearby trunk. "This should be interesting."

"What…" Naruto's hand clutched his stomach. "What did you…" His pupils narrowed as red chakra exploded from him. "I…" His eyes turned red, cloak bubbling back up. He looked up and saw the Nine-Tailed Fox looking down on him.

"He weakened the seal." Its paws moved to close around him. "I'll make sure to thank him before I kill him."

Naruto collapsed and convulsed on the branch, which was in turn being eaten away by his cloak. "Not again!" Fully manifested, his cloak bore two tails. "Not like this, dammit!" It bubbled up another. "I...wanted to be strong." Tears emerged from his eyes.

"I am your strength. I always was. Rest now." It closed its paws.

And Naruto slept.

Anko Mitarashi was enjoying her latest stick of dango dumplings. She didn't know which one she was on, but she didn't care to. If anyone made comments, she'd sort them out personally. There was no unnecessary fat on her, and she would not stand for any slander of her magnificence.

"There!" She flicked a finishing skewer into a nearby tree, completing the Hidden Leaf emblem.

A chunin proctor body flickered to her. "We've got trouble!"

"What kind?"

"Uh, I think you should see for yourself."

"Bitch, do not make me repeat myself." She raised a hand towards the forest. "I'm responsible for an international test. I do not have the time to waste on your vague bullshit."

The man swallowed. "Well, we found three faceless bodies of Hidden Grass Ninja."

Anko froze, remembering the one that handed her kunai over with her tongue. Body modifying jutsu like that was uncommon but not unheard of. There was only one man she knew that could do anything with faces, and she knew him intimately.

"Uh, Anko?"

She stood up, jumped over the forest fence, and darted off.

"Anko?!"

Tenzo raised an eyebrow behind his mask and shrugged. It was still none of his business. He was sure she could handle it. For now, he'd wait for the Hokage.

And then he felt a vicious chakra he hadn't for thirteen years.

"That's my cue." He leaped over the perimeter and joined the proctor in scouring the forest.

They'd need each other's help for what they'd fine inside.

Naruto's lamentation was not unheard by his opponent. It was something they found admirable, albeit foolish. Few people were truly powerful on their own. And when people sought strength, they always got it from someone else in some form or another.

"Poor thing!" The stranger cooed. "So long as you are a jinchuriki, your strength will never be fully your own. That was decided for you on the day you were born."

Red consumed Naruto's eyes on the manifestation of a fourth tail. He fell through the branch and burned through foliage on his descent. When he hit the earth, his skin began peeling away into the wind, like paper. He held his head in a last attempt to hold on.

The stranger jumped down to see the transformation up close. "You've held on for long enough. Just give up."

"What?" The beast stared as its jailer began pushing himself free.

Naruto picked himself up. "What did you just say?" His influenced eyes returned to their normal red.

"This is impossible!"

Blood spurted from the openings in his skin when the fourth tail dissipated. He had far more internal damage, but he wasn't in the mood to care. "What did you say to me!?" His third tail went the way of the fourth. He stomped forward, every step growing weaker. "I…"

"You fool! You're going to die against him!"

His second tail went. "Never give up! No matter what!" When his last tail dissipated, he glared at the enamored stranger with his determined blue eyes. He pulled back a fist and moved to punch, but his new injuries took their toll on his body, so he collapsed on to his stomach. Still, he stared down the foe towering over him.

"Amazing!" The stranger knelt down and patted him on the head. "You've done well, phenomenal even." They chuckled at his involuntary blush.

Naruto watched in disgust as they coughed out an Earth Scroll and set it down next to him. "…You can keep that."

"Come now! Don't be modest; you've earned it."

"Really making me feel like a cheap whore pulling chakra tricks for scrolls." Naruto grabbed it, but the stranger didn't move their hand. "Uh?"

They tilted their head. "Do you love the people of this village?" The look of disgust on his face was his answer. "I thought so." The stranger stepped back. "We'll meet again." They looked up at the two other members of team 7, who were absolutely out of their depth on the situation. "As for them." They turned to the patient snake. "Feel free to eat."

"Hey!"

A shuriken that twisted the very wind around it to boost its speed and cutting power nearly decapitated the snake on its way to the stranger.

"Is that?" They questioned, jumping out of its range.

Anko, shaking in seething rage, appeared by Naruto's side. "Orochimaru!" She made several hand signs and blew beams of wind that leveled everything in the stranger's direction.

"Holy shit." Naruto struggled to rise but fell back down.

"Relax." She made the Shadow Clone Jutsu hand sign and a single copy of her appeared to dart into the smokescreen. "It'll all be over soon."

Orochimaru was some ways out of the demolished area, examining a hole in his arm. "Oh, that Anko. You're so much like her, boy."

"Yeah!" She appeared out of the wafting debris, pushed him against a nearby tree trunk, and made a unique hand seal with his ruined arm's hand. "And you're going to pay for fucking him up and for everyone else, you piece of shit!"

"Twin Snake Sacrifice?" He tilted his head. "Did you really think I'd teach you a jutsu that kills the user?"

"No, that's why I'm not the real Anko." The clone's smile was smug.

Orochimaru blinked before it exploded.

"Yes!" Anko jumped into the air, pumping her fists up. "I got him! Get fucked! I told everyone I was going to be the one to do it! Eat your heart out, Jiraiya!"

Naruto gaped as the ruined part of the forest became even bigger. "...Can you teach me that?"

She picked him up and hugged him, unintentionally pressing his face between her breasts. "Of course, I can!" She smiled down at his red, still bleeding face. "I'm the one who killed Orochimaru!"

Cackling laughter emerged from all around them.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Anko scowled and let go of Naruto. "I was so happy for a moment, you asshole!"

Tenzo appeared, looked at his target, and examined the destruction. "What the hell happened here?" He looked at the proctor. "Also, you kind of left those two alone with the giant snake."

"Did you kill it?"

"...I had other priorities."

Naruto squinted at the anbu. "I'm sorry; wait, I'm not sorry. Who the fuck are you?!" He clenched his teeth. "And where the fuck are my teammates?!"

"Dealing with a giant snake."

"Why!?"

"Because Orochimaru summoned them."

"Who the fuck i–" Naruto shot him a look. "Bitch, you know what I meant!"

"Well." Orochimaru clapped his hands and walked into view from the ruined parts of the forest, real face laid bare without a mark on him. "This is turning into a lovely evening!"

Tenzo made the snake hand seal and the turned over trees began to entangle the figure, growing as they did. "If you have any fire and wind jutsu, now may be a good time."

Anko made a shadow clone, drew a handful of shuriken, and blew wind chakra over them while her clone made hand seals. "I never thought that Hashirama experiment would amount to anything." She threw them, and her clone breathed fire on them with the Phoenix Flower Jutsu, turning them from giant wind infused shuriken to very giant flaming shuriken. "Combination Jutsu: Sundowner Bonfire!"

"...Really?" Tenzo asked before the wood around Orochimaru erupted in flame.

"Fuck you, test tube baby! It's awesome!"

Naruto shook his head at the inferno he could feel from his position. "Basics and fundamentals over spitting fire and lightning, my ass."

"With more experience, I think you're likely to find some truth to statement, but ninjutsu is just too potent for anyone who knows how to use it," Orochimaru's voice said, ringing through the forest.

"Can you just die already!?" Anko yelled.

His laughter emerged next. "It was nice seeing you again, dear! And a pleasure to make your acquaintance, survivor! If you cancel the Chunin Exams or disqualify Naruto Uzumaki, I'll have to destroy the village though: I am simply far too interested to see what he does from this point!"

"Am I supposed to be flattered?!" He asked, legitimately wondering. "I have no idea who the fuck you're supposed to be!" He frowned. "And you fed me to a snake!"

Orochimaru's laughter surrounded them one last time before fading into the forest.

"He does that to a lot of people. To be fair, so do I," Anko admitted. She looked at the anbu. "Report to Lord Hokage. I know his tricks best, so I'll keep on his tail." She nodded as he did. Turning to Naruto, she ruffled his hair, to his pleasure. "You've got some balls, kid. If you really make it to the tower, I'll show you a trick or two. Just try not to die."

An explosion of fire several times the size they made some ways behind them drew their attention.

"That's where the…" Anko scoffed. "Did we just get fucking outdone by a genin?!"

"Sasuke," Naruto whispered.

It was him. Neither subtle nor outright unwarranted. He was being chased and hunted by an even bigger snake than the one that ate him so he understood.

The rest of Team 7 ran after the snake was nearly decapitated. It was the only thing they thought they could do against a creature of its size. While they heard Naruto's success, they lacked the same ability he did to create an army of themselves.

Sasuke, the one man Naruto compared himself to and the one he'd given a stern talking to, was livid. He was right: he was letting himself be degraded. And that was something he could not stand. "Sakura!" He turned to her as they jumped from branch to branch. "We should split up and try to make it trap itself! When it's trapped, I want you to put it under a genjutsu for a few seconds and run! I'll handle it from there!"

Sakura nodded, understanding what he meant. "I'll do it!"

"On the count of three! One! Two! Three!" Sasuke went to the left and Sakura went to the right.

The snake paused for a second, weighed its options, and chose the physically weaker of the two, charging straight for the pink-haired girl.

Choking down her fear, she jumped from branch to branch, elevated or lower, and in circles. It took half a minute for it to slow enough for her to tell it was having trouble. She spun on her heel and went through a few hand seals. "Demonic Illusion: Tree Binding Death!" She blinked. "I could've probably done that sooner, now that I think about it." Remembering Sasuke's words, she started running.

Sasuke himself followed after the snake split off, knowing he had to be in range or else it wouldn't work. The jutsu on his mind could extend to the entire forest if he had the chakra for it. He just barely had the chakra for a lesser version now. When he first went through the hand seals, he understood that it was going to kill him. That was when he was a child and was looking for anything in his clan texts that could work against Itachi. He'd been expanding his chakra reserves through consistent practice to last for extended confrontations and for situations like this.

And now was time.

He went through hand seal after hand seal to minimize the cost as much as he could. Chances were there would be tests after this one, but he needed to be alive to take them in the first place. Finishing with the tiger seal, he breathed a torrent of fire that could've killed everyone in the academy and burned that accursed building to ashes. 'Fire Style: Majestic Destroyer Flame!'

The snake was too busy thinking it was stuck in a tree to slither out of the way, not that it could. Team 7's teamwork put it in a position it couldn't escape from. Had Naruto not been blown away before Sasuke's will was broken for a moment, they would've had a decent chance against their surprise opponent. Its flesh was burned black as were its scales.

Sasuke took several deep breaths and whistled at the destruction he had wrought. For a second, he thought he was too taken by his accomplishment before he remembered the chakra cost. He jumped away from the growing fire, nearly falling on the next branch he landed on. If he stopped, it would consume him, so he couldn't take the time to recover.

Madara Uchiha, wherever he was, would be proud.

AN: I'd hate to end it right here, but this is a natural stopping point. I don't really like long 10k+ chapters, writing or reading them. Pacing extends to more than just storytelling. Oh boy, am I excited though.