If I could only be heard once by my Sisters, then I would remind them: desire is the fuel to all achievement.
- DARWI ODRADE, THE BENE GESSERIT CODA
Visella dived often. She liked diving bare-skin, without the drysuit needed in the cold waters of Buzzell. Arbatar accompanied her sometimes, perfectly fluid movements chasing her scrambling strokes. The ocean's deep blue soothed her. The reef brimmed with pink, scarlet, canary yellow and ultramarine coral, alive with fish that each looked like a mosaic. The silent movements underwater, the resistance of the medium against her sharpened her sensitivity. The bubbles rose in endless strings of white beads. A giant tuna would grace her with the gift of a close encounter before disappearing in the depths. Dirt and algae floated unpredictably, slaves of the currents.
I feel weightless, unstable like those particles.
Much had happened since her ship had landed on Agarath for repairs. She felt changed, but captive. Underwater she could perceive no limits, no boundaries. That was her escape, a world that put very clear constraints on her body – air, buoyancy, pressure – but otherwise let her into an infinite blue.
When diving together, she always connected with Arbatar via the implant. To see through her eyes, they would swim with a hand on each other's shoulder so that they could look in the same direction. She tasted the explosion of hue and contrast and drank in the fleeting watercolor painting in front of her. A dizziness would overtake her, an overpowering elation. Euphoria. Goosebumps made her skin prickly. She swam among green algae forests and purple starfish. Once she fainted, only to open her eyes in the bright sunshine, on the shore, the sound of waves breaking, the android gently stroking her forehead and calling her name softly. Visella...
She rose on her feet, still dizzy, and the diving was over that day. They walked for hours on the beach and for once talked about the small things of life, one innocent soul to the other. Only later she made peace with the revelation that she had liked to hear her name called that way. As twilight approached, a chilly wind rose and they found refuge in a local restaurant. She had not tasted sea urchins in decades, and the local white berry wine was a delectable pairing. As the evening came to an end and it was time to say good bye, she realized the implant, and the connection, had stayed on for all that time.
"So when I am connected through you, can you feel anything I feel?" she asked.
"In our world it'd be considered an invasion of privacy," was the android's polite answer.
"Ever the charming talker. Don't think I did not notice how you evaded my question."
They were walking down the cobbled street dimly lit by a crescent moon. "Why don't you walk me home, on the off-chance I faint again on the street," she continued, taking her under her arm. "I may need a strong arm to lean on."
"So I learned from Leerna that androids can love," she added after a pause as they strolled away.
"You ask about love. Can't sentient beings have a heart?" the android replied.
"You told me before you had a heart only metaphorically."
In a very human way, the android paused to think. "You left our connection on. Do you want to know if we feel feelings?"
"I wouldn't dare intrude."
"It's an invitation, not an intrusion."
She closed her eyes, and timidly sent her mind out. It was the mental equivalent of extending a hand and softly reaching out. How is it to touch somebody's mind? Unlike Sharing, this was a gentle act. There were no memories to exchange, just feelings. Arbatar's mind was a warm, kind, alive thing glowing with joy and trepidation. Her heartbeat accelerated. She stayed her hand there, on that living thing she could not but compare to a warm, fuzzy puppy; she listened intently to music that ran through her head, full of wonder. After a while, she reluctantly retreated.
"I liked it," she said, opening her eyes and staying quiet after that, not speaking about the other, deeper emotions she had sensed. Not far along the road she could see the profile of her house, placidly lit against the dark sky.
"To love one of us is to feel a connection to your loved one at all times."
"Always connected, in an endless chatter? Seems dreadful." Visella replied sternly, but unconvinced. Their arms were still locked.
"What are you humans doing, walking the paths of life in such desperate isolation?" asked Arbatar. "Your minds and hearts seldom connected, and physical divides separating your own individual cells, then your bodies and souls, multiplied by entire planets and galaxies, trillions of creatures treading water in solitude, often speaking languages alien to one another? Doesn't the immensity of this loneliness make you gasp?"
Visella stumbled on a cobblestone, not understanding.
"We... Reverend Mothers commune in the act of sharing our living memories sometimes. It's... electric," her memories stirred up a long-lost sensation which rippled through her body. "But are you saying..."
"That you are born alone, separated by your own organic limitations... yes, even the legendary Reverend Mothers. What is love if not a communion that leads to the total exaltation of the senses..."
"Senses? Now I discover if you are a hedonist..." her voice stumbled.
"Are you really sure you are getting me, Visella?" The android stopped and held her closer, faces almost touching. Visella's skin prickled. Her heart raced. Their foreheads touched. This time she was enveloped by warm light, her thoughts and emotions completely transparent to the other being, just like Arbatar's were. She was mentally naked, defenseless, a fiercer and deeper state than any physical nudity. She stood there vulnerable as a flower, knowing, feeling the other shared the same trepidation. Their breath in sync. She stood there and withheld her gaze in awe. It was not the Bene Gesserit Sharing, but something even deeper, closer. An earthquake shook her deepest emotions.
And just like that, the light was gone. Her eyes opened as she leaned on the android, and they were already at the gate, then to her doorsteps. The Reverend Mother, adept of the Missionaria Protectiva and Governor of the southern continent of Alkadi, shyly said goodbye, her mind obsessed with the arm-long distance between them that felt as large as a continental rift. Arbatar walked away, and behind her closed door Visella took deep breaths.
Her rational mind started lashing at her. What had just happened? Why was she so confused? I need Leerna to enlighten me... What was that called on this planet? An unexpected date? Why was her heart racing? Her body escaping her Bene Gesserit self-control? With two paces she stepped into the living room where the lights were already on.
"Leerna?" Visella stopped in her tracks, "Why are you here?"
Her aide stood alert, and after reading her face in a fleeting instant, she turned around before Visella could invoke any of her self-control. Leerna only took an instant to read me like an open book, she thought, cheeks flushing, feeling a bit ashamed but not without a touch of pride for how quickly her protege was making progress in her Bene Gesserit curriculum . "I know you just read me, you can turn around, I can take it."
"There are developments on the Imperium front," Leerna replied, staring directly into her eyes, then blushing and looking down. "Avatasuyara wants to see you."
"I am ready."
"Yes. Well, the ground car is waiting by the back entrance. I had brought you some dinner just in case..." she hesitated, "... but I presume..."
"I had dinner already,"
"Yes," her aide replied while turning toward the exit.
"Leerna?" Visella called out.
"Yes, Reverend Mother."
"How is it, to love an android?"
Her aide stood silent for what seemed a long time, searching for words.
"The first time Tregon and I connected, I felt... like I didn't know I had been so incredibly lonely all my life. Before I had found him."
"And then?"
"I saw... a gold tree. And after we disconnected... I realized I could not stand the thought of living my life apart again."
"Noted. Thank you. Let's not make Avatasuyara wait, now."