Chapter 4: Complication and Connection
In which Hunk and Katie face an unexpected event in their relationship and a difficult decision.

TW: This story does address the topic of reproductive rights and decisions. The story presented itself as you see it, and I felt it fit, so I wrote it as it chose to play out in as respectful and open a way as possible.

July 8th, 2329

Morning staff briefings were not usually Katie's favorite place to be, given how terrible she was at going to sleep at a reasonable hour, especially when she was in the middle of a fascinating project. However, this morning's meeting involved her reporting on that project, so she was more than prepared, and really rather eager. Or at least, she had started that way. Roughly half-way through the meeting a wave of exhaustion slammed into her out of nowhere, as if she had just been jarred out of a dream to find that she was getting out of bed too early. A moment of light-headedness, though that passed quickly. She was still there at the table so no, she wasn't dreaming, but her eyelids felt as if they might drop at any moment. I did not get enough coffee this morning. Well, she would remedy that afterwards.

"Holt?"

Katie blinked, then realized everyone was looking at her. Shoot. What did I miss?

"Yes, Sir."

It was a good thing it was Shiro running this meeting. He gave her an odd look but continued as if nothing was off. "You've got the floor."

Katie stood, and motioned to the screen hanging at the head of the room. The schematics appeared, and she began talking. Fortunately, she had run through the information so many times in her head while working on the project, she could have explained it in her sleep, because that felt very much like what she was doing. Still, it must have made sense, because when she got to the end everyone seemed eager and enthusiastic, and no one looked confused. Then Katie was allowed to take her seat and they moved on to the report from the engine rooms.

Not that she was able to focus for most of the rest of the meeting. Katie did her best just to look like she was paying attention while she fought to keep her eyes open. By the end of the hour her stomach was also feeling a little twisted. I should not have skipped breakfast. Okay so she had grabbed a slice of toast with her coffee on the way to the meeting, but Hunk was going to scold her later.

When they were dismissed, she stood up almost on auto-pilot. Nearly to the door, a hand on her shoulder made her stop. Just the two of them were left. "Did you need something, Shiro?"

Commanding officer or not, the look on Shiro's face was all concerned friend. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she assured him. "I guess I'm just not as awake as I thought I was this morning."

"You really should get more sleep."

"Is that an order?" Katie asked.

"A friendly suggestion." Shiro smiled. "Though you do look pretty worn out. Late night?"

"Aren't they always?" she shrugged. "We're so close to being ready for the testing phase, I was too excited to stop. And I wanted this morning's presentation to be perfect."

"Well, it was definitely impressive," Shiro acknowledged. "But you don't have to run yourself ragged on our account. Your work speaks for itself."

"I'll keep that in mind."

After, she decided that the best thing to do was probably to get something else to eat and then catch a quick nap before heading back to the lab. Their quarters would be quiet, with Hunk busy in the Atlas' kitchens. She could make do with the snacks they kept at home.

"Pidge?"

Blinking slowly, Katie looked blearily up at the warm dark blob above her which turned out to be Hunk, as her eyes slowly focused. "What are you doing home?"
Hunk looked relieved. "I was going to ask you that. When you didn't stop by the mess for lunch, I tried to take a sandwich to your lab, but it was empty."

"What time is it?" She sat up abruptly, immediately regretting it as the world swam around her.

"Fifteen-hundred hours."

"Shit."

"How long have you been asleep?" Hunk asked, startled by her reaction. He looked worried.

"Since about ten this morning." Five hours was a lot longer than she had planned to nap.

"Maybe you've got another infection," Hunk suggested. "Are you sore anywhere?"

Katie shook her head. "Not really, just exhausted. I've been a little dizzy, maybe it's an ear infection." If it was early enough it might not hurt yet. She'd had a sinus infection a couple of months back. Maybe the last round of antibiotics hadn't been as successful as they thought. "I thought I was just tired."

"Well, you were definitely tired. I keep telling you to come to bed earlier."

"Yeah, but you rarely say anything about sleep," Katie grinned at him, despite being exhausted.

Apparently, Hunk was not in the mood for jokes. "You should go to the infirmary and have them take a look. Then I'm ordering you not to work this afternoon or tonight. Is that understood?" His tone was firm, but also full of worry. It was also cute when he pretended that she might do anything other than whatever she felt like.

It was also not a bad idea. Katie couldn't keep going on like this, or she would never get back to her project. Now was the worst time to come down sick. "I'll go now," she promised. The faster it was treated, the faster it was over.

"Want me to come with you?"

Katie squeezed his hand. "That's sweet, but I think I can handle a walk down to the infirmary on my own. No reason to make dinner late on my account." Pre-dinner prep would be starting soon, and while the kitchen staff could get along with routine preparations without him, she knew he preferred to be there. Besides, he had three new staff in training to keep an eye on during this mission.

"Fine, but I mean it. I expect you to come by and get some dinner, and then come home and relax."

She gave him a quick kiss. "I'm sure it's nothing severe."

"Well, there's no sign of infection," Rebecca Shelton, the Atlas' physician, said as she moved the little light away from Katie's ears and sat back. "Nothing in the ears or sinuses. No signs of strep. Everything appears normal."

"That's great," Katie replied, trying not to sound sarcastic. "But that doesn't really give me an answer."

"Have you considered getting more sleep and regular meals?" Rebecca suggested with only a slight hint of sardonicism. It was an ongoing conversation with the young, but generally friendly doctor. The Atlas wasn't her first assignment, but it was her first time as the senior physician on board.

"Haha, Bec. I mean I just took a five-hour nap, and I still feel like I ran the length of the Atlas and back in the middle of emergency drills after an all-nighter." The on and off dizzy spells weren't her primary concern.

"And you're sure you just started feeling this way today?"

"This morning, at nine-oh-seven, if you want a more precise answer. Before that it was just normal levels of not-enough-caffeine."

There was a moment's consideration, then Rebecca went over to one of her supply shelves, and came back. "Have you taken a pregnancy test recently?"

"No," Katie scoffed. "Why would I?" Every woman on the ship was on a biochemical cycle regulator. As she had told Hunk once, being female in space could be very inconvenient. A moment later, her mind caught up to what the doctor was suggesting. "There's no way… right?" But there must be, if she was suggesting it. Her stomach flipped.

Rebecca held one out. "There's always the possibility, and it would also fit the symptoms you're describing. Antibiotics can mess with the effectiveness of our shots."

Something that Katie knew very well, though she hadn't bothered to think about. Quiznak. "I take it you have a restroom."

"In the back." Rebecca nodded motioning behind her. Her expression turned a little more sympathetic. "If that's not it, we'll know in a few minutes. If it's positive, we'll run more tests."

Some of the longest minutes of Katie's life, she thought, as she waited for the results with a feeling that bordered on impending dread, but was mostly still too confused and shocked to process that she had completely forgotten one incredibly important chemical fact two months ago. She wasn't even sure which way she wanted the answer to come out. Sure, she and Hunk had discussed the possibility of having kids, but those conversations had so far been maybe, someday and eventually. Out in deep space on the Atlas on assignment for months on end was not the ideal time to start a family.

Except that, it seemed, they might be doing just that.

The nerves did not improve the nausea.

"Yep, that's a definite positive." Rebecca confirmed. "I'd say congratulations, but you don't look thrilled."

"Well, it wasn't really on the to-do list," Katie quipped dryly. Her mind was whirling too fast for more than a quippy come-back. Pregnant. So much for a quick fix with another round of medicine. She was going to feel like this for months. And how was she going to tell Hunk? Oh, he'd probably take it all in stride. He was far more ready for kids than she was, even if they'd agreed not to make any real decisions until life was a little more settled, probably back on Earth. How was she going to rework her entire schedule? How-… calm down, think rationally. "How many weeks?"

"Let me do an exam and run a couple more tests and I can tell you."

About fifteen minutes later, Katie had more answers. Based on bloodwork and an abdominal exam, and a quick ultrasound, right about nine weeks by traditional counting, seven weeks from actual conception; a healthy little fetus of undetermined gender, with a solid heartbeat. To Katie it looked a bit like a large-headed alien in the images, but there were the vaguest vestiges of what might eventually be toes, fingers, a nose. It also kind of looked like a legless shrimp.
"How do you want to proceed?"

The question startled her. "What do you mean?"

"Do you want it?" Rebecca restated the question more clearly. "There are no regulations against being pregnant on board, and there's enough research into interstellar travel on reproducing females of multiple species that we know what to expect, and it's certainly safe enough on a ship like the Atlas. We've got the facilities to handle most of anything that might come up before we're due back on Earth. It really comes down to how you and Hunk feel about it and what you want to do."

Katie's mind hadn't even gotten that far down the thought process… to question if there would be repercussions, or if it was safe medically. She was still stuck on the question of want. "We haven't really talked about it much," she admitted. "He has no idea. I never thought about what I'd do if this came up before we were back on Earth." Of course, she hadn't thought she might get pregnant outside of whenever she decided she wanted to be either. Which might have been the most arrogant and least forward-thinking idea she'd ever had, in retrospect.

"Then you should talk to him, and work that out." Rebecca handed her a data chip. "This has all the information we have on-ship about human reproduction, what to expect through pregnancy and delivery, early infancy… and also what to expect for the next few weeks if you choose to terminate the pregnancy."

"How long do I have to decide?" Katie asked, taking the chip, grateful that what Rebecca was giving her was facts. While she knew the basics of mammalian reproduction from a scientific perspective, she'd never given a lick of thought to pregnancy symptoms or parenting styles.
"For a non-surgical termination, you've got about a week," Rebecca said with an apologetic tone. "I know that's not a lot of time, but I'm not an obstetrician, or trained in that particular surgical procedure. I'm a combat surgeon."

"Then we'll just have to be decisive." Katie just wished she knew how Hunk would respond. She wasn't even sure how she wanted Hunk to respond. "I'll let you know soon."

Katie knew she had promised Hunk she would get dinner from the dining hall, but the last thing she wanted him to do was ask her how the appointment went in a public setting. She wasn't sure she would be able to give him an answer that would satisfy him without being weirdly vague. Not that he would believe even a little white lie told to keep public face.

She returned to their quarters, pulled out some snacks, poured a large glass of water, and put the data chip into their home system terminal. At least she could read up on all of the information while she waited for him to get off his shift. Maybe it would help her come to terms with what was happening, and give her a better idea of how she felt. Functionally, it was her decision. It was her body, and she appreciated that Rebecca had given her all the information. It was facts, pure and unopinionated.

Her first discovery was that she had been feeling the effects of increased hormones more than she realized. Starting at the beginning she had read up through the end of the second trimester before the door opened, and a frowning Hunk entered, carrying a dinner platter.

Katie looked up from where she sat, cross-legged on the couch with a data tablet in hand, reading. Maybe it was the water and the empty snack wrappers that convinced him she was okay, or at least that she had listened to some of his advice, because the thundercloud abated.
"You just like to make me worry, don't you?" Hunk huffed in frustration as he set the tray down on the side table. "What happened in the infirmary?"

No small talk. No kitchen gossip, just right to the topic she wasn't ready to discuss.

"Well, the good news is I don't have any infection." That was the best place to start. Katie shrugged. "Aside from the usual Rebecca-and-Hunk-gang-up-on-Pidge-to-sleep-more I'm in perfect health."

Hunk did not look reassured. If anything, his frustration was more evident. "Pidge… don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying." Just… avoiding the subject.

"I went down to the infirmary when you didn't come to dinner," Hunk admitted. "I thought maybe you were still there. Rebecca said she'd sent you home already."

"What else did she say?"

"Just that I needed to talk to you."

Of course, she wouldn't have broken patient confidentiality, not even to her husband. Katie finished the last bite of the protein bar in her hand. She had to admit, food and some proper hydration did make her feel a little better. "Fine. I just wasn't sure how to tell you."

"Then just come right out and say it, Pidge." Hunk reached out and squeezed her hand. "Whatever it is, you know I'm here. I'll take care of you."

Oh boy. It took all her courage to look him in the face. "I'm pregnant."

One thing she appreciated about Hunk's features; it was like watching a mountain have emotions. Everything played out clearly on his face. From the moment of realization and startled silence, moving almost immediately to surprise, and his mouth fell open. In less than two seconds however, he was smiling like the sunlight gleaming off a waterfall. "Wow."

"Yeah… wow." That summed it up pretty well, though his expressions told her everything, and it was a lot.

Her quip took some of the sunshine out of his expression, and then it was like watching a balloon deflate. "You're not happy about this. It is kind of sudden."

"I don't know how I feel." Katie fought the welling tide of complicated and conflicting emotions that seemed to have replaced half of her rational thought processes. Stupid hormones. "Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Kind of nauseated… but I just… I don't know. Somehow, I never thought this might happen before I meant it to."

Hunk slid a little closer. "Yeah, it's a surprise…a huge, awesome, unexpected surprise. But it'll be okay. I said I'll take care of you, and I meant it. Cravings? Consider them cooked. Sore back, I'm your on-call masseuse. I'll spoil you rotten… if you let me."

"So, you want it?"

Hunk froze. "Of course, I do! Why wouldn't I… oh." She hadn't thought his expression could get lower, but she might have said she'd beaten a puppy… or worse. It wouldn't have gotten the obvious imminent heartbreak in those dark, warm eyes. "I mean… if, if you do."

No, he meant it exactly as he'd exclaimed it, but she appreciated the attempt. "I haven't decided. I do…and I don't. I just… I don't know. I'm conflicted. I was just reading through the information Rebecca gave me, hoping that maybe if I had a better grasp of the facts—all the facts—I could figure out how I really feel, and what I want to do. What… we want to do."

It must have taken every ounce of decency in his soul to say what Hunk said next. "No, Pidge. It's your choice. Whatever you decide, I'll support you."

He meant it. There was so much pain radiating from him, but she knew he meant it. "Then, will you go through the rest of this with me?" she asked, softly.

"Absolutely. But you have to do one thing first."

"What's that?"

"Eat the dinner I brought before it gets cold."

"Sure."

At least she was finally getting a full night's sleep, Hunk thought a little bitterly as he watched Katie, passed out in bed, so deeply asleep he doubted an alien war fleet would wake her. The best thing for her right now was rest.

He sat on the little couch by himself, wide awake, reading back through all of the information Rebecca had given them, for both scenarios. After worrying about his wife all day, even he hadn't suspected this result. Pregnant… their child, forming its little existence in Katie's uterus.

From a biological perspective, it was still just a bundle of developing cells. Academically, he knew that. But his heart didn't seem to care about science. As much as babies had terrified him as teenager, that was a long time ago. He had loved playing with his niece and nephew once they were old enough that he wasn't afraid of breaking them. Hunk had no illusions about the challenges of being a parent, but his parents had made it clear how much joy they found in having him and his sister in their lives. It was obvious how much the Holts loved being parents, and they had balanced it with two professional careers and raised two very successful and wonderful progeny. Of course, Hunk was entirely biased on the issue, but he still felt it was a valid assessment.

No, they hadn't really talked about children as an immediate future concept, but he'd been starting to look forward to maybe having that discussion whenever they were ready to settle back down on Earth.

Unplanned pregnancies happened, but it hadn't even occurred to him that, when it happened, they might not both be ready for it. He'd never considered that he might be at this crossroads and then not be a dad. Not because of a health concern, but because maybe Katie didn't want it.

That was not something she had ever even proposed in their conversations. He had no idea what to do besides support her, but he had never wanted so badly for her to see things his way.

And it wasn't fair that they only had a few days to make a decision, but if that was what they chose, it was best not to delay… for everyone.

He read it all. Whatever happened, he needed to be ready to take care of the woman he loved more than anything else.

July 9, 2329

The next morning was awkward, though Katie had to admit that sleeping had helped. When she woke up, she found that Hunk had turned off all the alarms, and it was already mid-morning. There was breakfast waiting under a warming tray: fried eggs, oatmeal heaped with fresh fruit and brown sugar, thickly buttered biscuits. Enough to feed three people… or Hunk. Next to the water was a small insulated carafe of coffee.

There was also a note.

Eat it all. No arguing. Doc's data said a little caffeine is okay, but hydration is important so drink lots of water too. I lied and told folks you've got an ear infection so you don't have to go anywhere, or tell anyone anything you don't want to. I'll be back to check on you after the lunch shift. Love, Hunk.

He really was the most considerate man in the universe. Feeling a twinge of guilt, she set the note aside, and did as he had requested. She didn't think she could finish it all, but after the first few bites, her appetite seemed to realize she was actually going to feed it, and before she even thought about it, she had devoured the entire plate, and her stomach growled for more.

There weren't a lot of snacks left in the room, so she made do with finishing the cup of coffee, then dutifully drinking a glass of water before finishing the last protein bar. Finally sated, she debated what to do with the rest of the day.

The last thing she wanted to do was talk to people. Sympathy for an illness she didn't have would be awkward, and the last thing she wanted to do was tell anyone else what was really going on. Especially not if they didn't go through with it.

Would they think something was wrong with her? Did she think there was something wrong with her? Katie had never been less sure of herself in her life. She had always thought she knew what she wanted. She was the decisive one. Everything she had ever seen made it pretty clear that women either wanted kids, or they didn't. Either was fine, but they knew what they wanted.

No one had ever told her it wasn't that easy. Not that it was a topic that came up often with her female counterparts. Dating, romance…big topics of gossip and discussion. Eventual parenthood…not so much. Not that they were entirely a celibate bunch, but if any of them had ever made this decision, she'd never heard about it. Now…she was sort of afraid to ask. And if I called my mother, she'd figure it out in a half a tic and all the grandparent genes would kick in and I'd never be able to bring it up without crushing her.

It was up to her, and she had never felt more like something that was absolutely her decision, was a puzzle. Part of her wanted to blame the hormones that were already messing with everything else, but the rest just wasn't sure she wanted to know her own answer. Could she choose something with any certainty it would make her happy? Which choice would she regret least?

That was what bothered her about this decision. She wasn't excited. It wasn't optimal. But if she ended it now, would she regret it once it was too late to change her mind? Katie didn't want to regret or resent a child either, but it wasn't as if she hated kids. She had never been opposed to the idea. Just… not yet.

She was no closer to a decision when Hunk did just what he had promised, coming to check on her. As she had suspected, he had another plate of food and more to drink for her.

He crossed the room and bent over, kissing her forehead. "Lunch has arrived. How are you feeling?"

"Starved." It was both honest, and had the effect of making him smile. "Breakfast was delicious, thank you."

"I'm glad you liked it." He set the tray down, swapping it for the empty one. "I think everyone we know told me to tell you they hope you feel better soon, and if you want company pretty much all of them would be willing to come over and hang out. I… promised I'd pass it along." An awkward silence fell.

Katie lifted the top off the tray, and found that lunch consisted of what could only be described as a gourmet hamburger, given that some of the toppings were Earth and some were substitutes based on what Hunk had in the kitchen. Altean red-leaf in place of standard lettuce, for example. It smelled amazing. She decided to just eat. It was less awkward, and it showed she appreciated the effort.

He certainly watched her eat every bite. Hunk didn't say a word but sat, watching, purposefully not asking the questions she knew he must be burning to ask. But he didn't.

When she was done, he collected that tray as well and kissed her again, briefly. "Do you need anything else?"

"Not right now. Thanks. I think I'm probably going to take a nap."

"Okay. Then I guess I'll see you later. Love you."

"Love you, too."

July 12th, 2329

Three days of this and Hunk wasn't sure he wasn't going entirely insane. Keeping up the lie was the easy part. Katie definitely wasn't feeling great, and wasn't up to company. For the first time in months, she was sleeping and eating and hydrating properly… and the fact she had not yet made a decision about whether or not they were having this baby was killing him. Not that he could say that.

She was already pregnant. At this point it shouldn't have been a question. In his heart, he was trying very hard not to get too attached to the idea, and failing miserably.

At least she wasn't avoiding him. They had talked, in the evenings, going over the information provided, discussing the options. If she decided to terminate the pregnancy now, the after effects would be more emotional than physical, though her body would not immediately go back to 'normal' either. If she didn't… would they settle back on Earth at the end of the mission? They would be home before the baby came. Their families would be thrilled and happy to help them make arrangements. They could guarantee an endless supply of free familial babysitting. It wasn't like they couldn't both keep working at Garrison headquarters. Shiro wouldn't force Hunk to go on long missions if he said no. That was part of why Hunk had spent so much time training up an elite team. There couldn't just be one of him. There was far too much work for that. It was all things that, until now, they hadn't really tried to plan for.

Until now he hadn't realized just how excited he would be to become a father when the time finally came.

Three days and Katie hadn't left their quarters, not once. Obviously, this decision was eating at her as much as it was eating at him, and it wasn't even his final decision. The fact that she had not just outright excluded him was evidence of the love and respect between them. If she had just wanted to end it, she could have done it right there in the infirmary, and told him it was a cold or something, and moved on.

But she wouldn't do that to him either.

Hunk tried to act like she was otherwise fine, because he didn't want anyone thinking it was more serious than what he had told them, but it was difficult. He was constantly distracted, and the stress was definitely getting to him in a way he had not felt in a very long time.

If it went on much longer, he was going to critically fail on a will save and all his hard-earned self-control was going to go right out the airlock.

Hunk had no idea how he was going to get through it if she decided not to keep it.

"Hunk, are you okay?"

Startled, Hunk looked up from the dough he was kneading, into Romelle's face. He hadn't even heard her approaching. "Yeah," he lied. "Why?"

Romelle was clearly unconvinced, but she didn't pry. She did look down at the dough. "If you work that any harder, you'll be baking rocks."

Hunk looked at the dough in question. She was right of course. He had beaten it almost into submission. Too much kneading and it would just make dense, hard loaves instead of the light, fluffy bread it was intended to be. As it was, he was going to have to start over. "Thanks. I ah…You know what, could you finish this? I forgot something in the storage bay I wanted to bring up for tonight."

Again, she looked unconvinced, but she nodded. "Absolutely. They'll be light and fluffy and perfect by dinner."

"Thanks, Romelle."

Katie was so surprised to hear the door chime she went to answer it without thinking. "Hands too full to even hit the door button?" she called out, teasing lightly as it slid open. She stopped dead. It wasn't Hunk. "Oh… hi Shiro." Suddenly she was more than aware that she was standing there in nothing but sleeping shorts and a tank top, the least restrictive items she owned, because today her abdomen and breasts had decided they were sensitive to anything and everything that touched them.

Shiro didn't seem too startled, if only because he had been expecting her to be home sick. He looked more surprised to find her alone, scanning the rest of the room. "Have you seen Hunk?"

"If I had, would I have thought you were him?" Katie asked.

"Fair point." Shiro frowned. "Do you have any idea where he might be?"

"I'm assuming you already checked the kitchens. It is the middle of the dinner rush." The fact that he might be anywhere else was concerning.

"That's why I'm here. He's not there."

Katie's stomach sank. "I have trouble believing he'd have left without telling anyone where he was going."

"Romelle said he went to get something from the food bulk storage in the cargo bay, but he never came back. I've already checked down there. He's not there either."

The Atlas was huge, but it wasn't unending. There were only so many places Hunk could have feasibly gone. Especially without being seen.

"Pidge, is there something going on?"

She looked at Shiro, and for a moment she wanted desperately to know if he was asking as their commanding officer, or as a friend. Of everyone on the ship, Shiro might understand the difficulty of her position, and her hesitation. He was logical enough to see this from a non-emotional perspective, and he wouldn't tell her what to do. But… Hunk of all people disappearing in the middle of a busy duty shift, Shiro couldn't ignore that, and Katie had a pretty good idea of why Hunk might have missed something he cared about that much.

"It's private," she managed to get out with an even, steady tone. "And it's not something I am obliged to report to a superior officer."

Shiro could suspect all he wanted, but she knew that while he could, in theory, go to the infirmary and demand the information by virtue of being the highest ranked officer on the ship, and she under his authority, he wouldn't.

All of which he knew, and he seemed to understand. At least, that it was connected somehow. "When you see him, tell him I need him to report to my office at the earliest opportunity."

When Shiro was gone, Katie closed the door and dropped backed onto the couch. She suspected Shiro had not given up the hunt, and if Hunk had done something stupid, he was going to have to be written up for it. The question was what, and where? If he'd been injured there would have been a call over the comm system, or a damage alarm on the ship.

What did he keep down in the bulk storage anyway? Assuming he had actually even gone down there. There were far too many ingredients to narrow it down.

It was more concerning that he hadn't just come back, which implied it was a pretense.

To what? She wasn't sure she wanted to know, but she was a little afraid to not find out either. Her best scenario, was he'd been keeping a favorite snack tucked away somewhere and the last couple of days had driven him to it.

Should she go look for him? Katie didn't want to see people, or get scolded for being out and about when she was sick, or draw more attention to the fact that Hunk was not where he was supposed to be in the middle of dinner. Or get asked awkward questions…

But she was worried.

Reluctantly, Katie pulled on real clothes, though she went with comfortable off-duty wear. There would be far more questions if she wore her uniform when she was supposed to be sick. If she saw anyone who wanted to talk to her, she'd just say she was heading to whatever other place she might normally be heading in that direction. She wanted something to tinker with from her lab, or a snack, or she'd left something in storage and needed it. Katie was good at ad-libbing excuses and little white lies when the occasion warranted them.

The one place she avoided was the mess and kitchens. It was the middle of dinner rush, as she had reminded Shiro, so a huge amount of the Atlas' crew was eating, or in line to eat, or lingering over having just eaten before going on or off shift. It left her with some peace and time to hunt for the wayward husband.

He wasn't in the labs-where she did grab a couple of her smaller projects-or the gym, or the onboard pool, or any of the casual public lounge areas. Not that she had expected the last but at this point she just couldn't put anything by him. Finally, she made her way all the way down to the cargo bays where he had claimed to be going. Just because Shiro hadn't seen him didn't mean Hunk might not be there. After all, if someone didn't want to be found, it was possible to get very lost down there in storage, and doing it on purpose was probably even easier.

There were several large cargo bays in the lower depths of the Atlas. Two of them held kitchen stores. Katie walked into the first one, the lights coming up automatically upon her walking in. Which meant, realistically, Hunk was probably not here because otherwise the motion sensor-based lights would have been on.

Unless he was asleep. It was possible he'd simply passed out somewhere and taken a nap.

Katie stepped into the chill room, wishing she had brought a sweater. "Hunk?" she called out loudly. "If you're in here you had better answer me!"

Her voice echoed slightly off the back bulkhead. After several seconds, she heard no other sounds. Taking a quick stroll up and down the aisles, she determined Hunk wasn't there, and moved on to the second storage bay, where she repeated the process, also not finding Hunk.

She was starting to get worried. Surely, he hadn't left the Atlas. A launching ship or pod of any kind would have been noticed at once by the bridge crew. He also would have had to have walked past the entire ships bay crew, and that deck was never empty.

Maybe he had meant the personal storage lockers, and not the kitchen ones.

Before hiking her exhausted self all the way back up to their quarters, it was worth a look. Her headache was coming back, and her stomach and chest ached from being confined to even the most basic decent clothing. Can you give me a break for five minutes, kid? I'm trying to find your dad as fast as I can. Then we'll go get comfortable again, promise.

The personal storage lockers were in a different bay entirely, and by the time Katie reached the area where her and Hunk's personal items were stored, she was sure she had walked the equivalent of several kilometers around the Atlas. Her stomach was starting to growl, and she needed to pee.

The lights were on in this one. That was promising. Katie didn't bother shouting, but walked straight to where their locker was, and opened the door.

Hunk was sitting on top of one storage box, and leaning back against another. The first glance told Katie that she had been right… on all possible counts.

He was fast asleep, leaning back, mouth open and snoring. Around him littering the unit was a small rain of empty snack wrappers, and beside him on another crate lay two empty bottles.

Her heart ached even as she felt a rising surge of anger. For a moment, she was tempted to leave him there to be found by Shiro or not. Or at the very least, to sleep off whatever stupor he was in. She picked up the bottles, and looked at the labels. One, a bottle of rum with a Cuban label—probably something Lance had given them at some point, she didn't remember specifically—the other a French wine. Either could have been something to be used as an ingredient, though they were both much higher quality than she would have expected Hunk to cook with. They were definitely fine drinking quality.

Well, were. He drank them all right. The remaining waft of alcohol caught her nose, and turned her stomach. Ugh. Won't be drinking that any time soon. She set the bottles down, and reached out, poking Hunk's shoulder. "Hey you, wake up."

It took several pokes before he actually budged. Then he snorted, blinked, and looked up at her. His cheeks were still flushed. Crumbs fell from his stomach as he sat up. "Pidge? What are you doing here?"

"Saving your ass, not that I'm sure you deserve it." She frowned. "Shiro is looking for you, idiot."

Hunk's eyes widened. "What time is it?"

"Almost twenty-one hundred. I've been trying to find you for almost two hours."

Hunk lurched to his feet, but moved too quickly and almost toppled over into the wall.

Katie stepped back out of the way. "Dinner's over. I hope you've got a really good excuse to give Shiro and the kitchen crew for why you just up and disappeared on them." Or for me, about why you're drunk in a corner instead of at your shift…or home.

Hunk steadied himself with one hand on the wall, and slowly regained a better level of alertness. "I was just… I came down here for something."

"And…just what…decided to pass out drunk instead?"

He scowled. "I didn't… I hadn't meant to…" He stopped, and sighed. "You know what. I can't do this anymore. If you have to ask me that, then maybe you're denser than I thought."

Wait.. "What?"

"I'm trying, Pidge, but I do care what happens in all this. It's your choice, and I meant it when I said I'd accept it, and I'll be there for you… but that doesn't make it easy." He looked down, meeting her gaze. "I know it's sooner than planned. I know this isn't brilliant timing… but for all of five seconds, I thought wow, this is it. I'm a dad. And I really, really loved that feeling, with all the awe and nerve-wracking reality that came with it. And then… I saw your face and… it never occurred to me before then that maybe you wouldn't feel the same. I mean, we'd talked about it enough I thought… well, I guess it doesn't matter what I thought. I was wrong. Do… do whatever you have to do, Pidge. I won't stop you if you decide you're not ready for this yet. I'd be terrible if I did… but I'm going to need time. This waiting…this not knowing… it's worse than at least getting it over with."

There it was, everything in his face he hadn't said to her three days ago, while he did his best to be silently supportive. He was sure she was going to choose no…but not sure enough to be able to just get on with mourning what he clearly saw as a loss.

"Why didn't you just say so?" she asked, quietly, feeling horrible.

"Because I'm not the one who has to carry it. Because… because no one should be a parent until they want to be, or before they're ready, or unless they'll be happy, and not because someone else thinks they should." His voice cracked, and he wiped his sleeve quickly across his face. "So, it's got to be up to you. I was just trying to make it easier on you, which I've now failed at, spectacularly."

"Well… I appreciate that, but this isn't doing it." Katie sighed, most of the anger running out of her like water. "Come home, take a shower, and sleep this off. Then you'd better go to Shiro first thing in the morning and beg forgiveness."

"What do I tell him?" Hunk asked.

Katie shrugged. "I don't know yet. Give me until morning and I'll let you know."

Katie sat cross-legged on the floor. She had never been one for meditating, but it seemed like the right position. Though it wasn't particularly comfortable. She set a pillow behind her, giving her the ability to lean back a little more into the cushion, opening her stomach up a bit and easing tension. Looking down, she placed her hands gently across her lower abdomen which, aside from feeling abnormally sensitive, looked as smooth and flat as ever.

"The one I really need to be talking to is you, if that's possible." If it was, she needed to try. If she couldn't connect with the being forming within her on even a simple, primal, natural level, how could she ever be its mother?

The Olkari had taught her that everything in the universe was connected, and part of nature. She had felt that bond, had nurtured it, had perfected it in her relationship with the Green Lion. It had been a long time since she had ever really given it thought, or even tried to connect with anything on that level. What if that power was truly gone? What if it had needed Green all along to work?

Still, if she could feel how rocks and trees were connected to aliens and humans and all other plants, animals, and even cosmic dust, then she ought to be able to at least connect with an embryo inside her own body.

If I said this to Rebecca, she'd think I'm insane.

This might have been easier with an Altean to guide her through it, but she just hadn't been able to convince herself to tell anyone she knew what was going on. The only one she would have trusted on the ship was Romelle, and Romelle wasn't precisely the most spiritually in-tune of Alteans. Allura could have done it.

If there's any part of you still around, Allura, I wouldn't mind the help.

Or maybe being on the Atlas, which still carried within it the original heart and Altean magic of the Castle of Lions, would give her what she needed.

It was now or never. Hunk had showered, and had some water, and passed out on the bed as she had instructed. Katie had contacted Shiro long enough to let him know that she had found Hunk, he was all right, and that he would report to Shiro first thing in the morning with an explanation.

Which meant that Katie needed to make a decision, because whatever they told Shiro tomorrow needed to be the truth.

"Okay, what do you want, kid?" she asked aloud before closing her eyes, focusing on the weird sensation that was her uterus slowly expanding, and reached out to…anything really… as she would have to Green or the other Paladins when they were still directly connected through their Lions.

There was no immediate connection, but as she sank deeper into her own mind, the minor sounds and sensations of their quarters melted away. The whirring of air in the ducts, or water in plumbing…Hunk's snoring behind her. All became silence, and dark…but it didn't feel empty or cold. Katie focused on her own energy, her own warmth, and heartbeat. The flow of blood in her veins. Her stomach digesting a very late dinner. The weird hum of hormones in overdrive… something she'd never really noticed during her time as a Paladin. Of course, she'd been a lot younger then… and not pregnant.

Now how do I connect with you?

Trying to visualize the connection, she reached out, even though she was reaching in. Then she felt something familiar… like a blue glowing energy. Was it… Allura?

Something was there, but that wasn't quite right. Atlas?

A vague sense of confirmation. The Atlas, the Castle reborn, was full of the magic of Allura and Alfor, even though both of them were physically gone. While it had been some time since there had been any reason to try and transform the Atlas, Katie knew that Shiro could still communicate with it the way they all had with their Lions. He was the only Paladin who still had that kind of connection.

Apparently, that didn't stop the castle from recognizing one of its own.

Not that it could speak. Any consciousness it had was like that of the Lions, and it spoke in feelings and concepts, not words.

It expressed concern.

Katie wasn't sure how to explain what she was trying to do, so she just projected her thoughts at it, and her feelings, and her confusion, and tried to generally gesture that the thing inside her was the cause of all of her recent internal conflict.

After a minute there seemed a general sense of comprehension, even if Atlas seemed confused as to why there should be conflict about new life.

How did a person explain to a magical construct about careers, and personal space, and the complexities of raising a child?

Suddenly there was an image directly in her mind… of Allura as a little girl, and Alfor, and Allura's mother, playing in the Juniberry fields, then another of the royal couple sitting in state, while their toddler scampered underfoot without any decorum what-so-ever… then the images began to pick up in speed, all with one or the other parent, all centered around Allura. Sometimes a baby, sometimes an Altean teenager, and anywhere in between. Allura happy, Allura crying, Allura sick, Allura in a temper…. But all with an overlying feeling of deep and abiding love. No regret. Not even in the moment where Alfor shoved Allura into that fated sleep pod.

These were Alfor's memories… imbued in the Castle as they had been, they remained in Atlas. Katie remembered meeting Alfor, and the other original Paladins during their insane and almost unbelievable mission into the very fabric of the universe itself. They existed everywhere and nowhere…but they had felt nothing from them since Allura's sacrifice.

That apparently didn't mean they were necessarily gone; any more than the Lions were truly gone. There was so much she still didn't understand about Altean magic, but she couldn't dismiss what she was feeling now or all that she had seen as a Paladin.

Whatever it was, Alfor's message, at least as she chose to think of it…was clear. There is no deeper love, or reward, than that between a father and a child…or letting that child become what they were meant to be.

But how was she supposed to know? It was so hard to connect to an abstract, and she just couldn't imagine herself in that role yet.

Imagine your own mother.

It was true, Mom and Dad had made it work without either one of them giving up their careers. She and Matt had loved their childhoods, and getting to be involved in their parents' work, but also free to choose their own paths. They had encouraged them… and their kids, like Alfor's daughter, had ended up working to save the entire Universe. Even if Matt hadn't been there for the crazy metaphysical parts.

Touch your memories.

Her memories? Maybe she wasn't translating castle-sense correctly. Katie had no memories that were relevant here. Did she? Can you show me how?

Connect.

Katie was clueless what it meant still, but she let the feeling guide her, and she felt it reach out and then in and down until she connected with a tiny spark of life that she had never felt before, yet felt immediately familiar.

That little spark suddenly exploded, filling her mind with another torrent of images this time… of her own lives…lives she had not lived, or had lived in other realities, spiraling around her. Not all of them, but the memories streaming in were from realities in which she had chosen the path to motherhood. In the majority of them, she appeared to have ended up with Hunk- that was nice to know- though not all of them. Realities with one child, or two, sometimes an entire herd. Some where they raised children in space, on Earth, on completely alien worlds. Even a couple in which the Lions had not left, and they were still Paladins of Voltron.

Not all of them were happy. In some one or the other of them died in the line of duty, in a very scant few she died in childbirth… usually on a dangerous mission or an alien world, or due to some freak complication.

But the majority of them, the vast majority, were happy memories, with the two of them working together to fulfill their dreams and be parents.

Katie hadn't even known that all of those memories existed within her- connected in some way by their reality-jumping. There were too many, too fast, in too many little snippets to fully grasp them all, but the effect was the same, and through them all, she could have sworn she was looking into a pair of deep, brown eyes that didn't belong to Hunk, but still looked very familiar.

Not unlike her own.

But they were not hers because they were… yours. Hello there, little spark.

In that moment, she felt the connection, and through the memories, that little bit of life that was not her, that was not Atlas/Alfor/whomever.

It wasn't a consciousness, but she would never have expected one from a barely formed fetal brain in development. But given time it would become one… if left to grow.

A beautiful brain, behind a beaming, bright face, with the best of them both. The possibilities, were virtually endless.

Her choices would direct that path. Some doors would open and others would close.

In some, she had chosen worlds in which some children existed, and others did not.

The only one of them that mattered right now, was the choice she would choose here.

This one, if it was permitted to grow into a human being and exist.

Her life would never be the same and she couldn't know that everything would turn out all right.

But even if she chose to end this possibility, it wouldn't necessarily turn out better. And what about next time?

Would she feel any more ready next time, however she tried to logic it now?

Would Hunk?

You know all you need to know. The feeling seemed to say.

Then suddenly Katie was back on the floor, her hands resting over her stomach. Her face was wet with tears, though she wasn't sure when she had started crying.

But the knot of indecision inside of her was gone, and the relief was overwhelming. She knew now, with at least a clearer certainty, which decision to make. The one she would be determined not to regret, no matter how life turned out.

July 13th, 2329

Shiro had not been expecting Katie to come with Hunk when they appeared in his office the next morning. She looked as if she hadn't slept much, and Hunk looked positively wrung-out, but they stood there, hands clasped, even as Hunk looked nervous.

He had been right. Whatever was going on, it had to do with them both, and Katie's illness the past few days. Given the tension in them both, he was worried.

They both seemed to be waiting for permission to speak. He decided to go easy on them. "Would you like to explain what happened yesterday?"

He expected Hunk to speak, but it was Katie who spoke up first. "Shiro…it was my fault."

"I'm not sure how it was your fault that Hunk missed an entire shift in the kitchen, which is his primary responsibility upon this ship." Shiro replied pointedly. "Given when I talked to you yesterday you had no idea where he had gone either. Or so you told me."

"I know… Sir." Katie was keeping it professional, so they certainly thought that this was an official meeting. Maybe it needed to be. "After the meeting the other day, the one where I almost fell asleep, I took your advice and got some sleep, but I was still feeling really drained, so I went down to the infirmary."

Shiro nodded. So, he had surmised when Hunk had told everyone she was sick. "I take it you don't just have an ear infection."

"That would be accurate."

"Is it something worse?"

"That really depends on your perspective." Katie shared a quick glance with Hunk. "I found out that, after the antibiotics I took when I had that sinus infection a couple of months ago… it rendered my birth control shot ineffective."

That was not what he had been expecting. Katie, pregnant. Or was she? Neither of the friends in front of him looked elated. Which meant it could be one of a few things they were telling him; that they had lost a child, or that they might have chosen not to keep it. It might have not been viable. Assuming would not get him anywhere. "Go on."

"It was a bit of a shock, and… I was having trouble coming to terms with it. You know how much I love life-altering surprises. Hunk and I weren't really in agreement on what to do at first, but… that's not the case anymore."

Okay, enough was enough. Shiro stood up. "Pidge, Hunk… this isn't an interrogation. No one is in trouble of being written up, demoted, or thrown in a cell for stupid behavior. Just tell me what's going on."

He'd surprised them, but some of the tension tangibly drained from the room.

"I'm pregnant," Katie said. "I'm still kind of in shock about it. I'm not sure I feel very maternal yet-mostly just tired and hungry- but, it's sinking in."

Shiro smiled. That sounded more like the Katie he'd expect. "I'm sure it's a lot to take in. But you're all right then… all of you?"

"We're healthy." Katie nodded. "Everything looks good so far. There's no reason to be worried, anyway."

"And I promise we won't cause any more disruptions," Hunk finally spoke up. "I'm sorry, Shiro."

"Apology accepted." Shiro came around the desk, and folded them both in a hug. "You were starting to worry me."

Katie chuckled. "Only starting to?"

"Well, this time."