musical mood: dancing with our hands tied – taylor swift

When Cass stepped into her dorm room for the first time in weeks, she didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't Theodore making out with Ana on her old bed.

"What the-" Theodore, who was on top, shot up, nearly falling off the bed as he did. Ana stared at Cass with an expression of pure terror, her mousy nose twitching with anxiety. "Crouch, no offence, but what the actual fuck are you doing here?"

"I got readmitted to the school…why are you on my bed?"

"Technically, it isn't anyone's bed anymore." Ana piped up, her entire face a bright shade of red, either from her steamy make out session with Theodore, or her subsequently being caught by Cass.

"Well, it's mine again, so get off. Come on, up you go." Cass pushed her trunk on top of her bed, forcing the two to stand up.

"Er, sorry about that, Cass." Ana gave her a small smile, to which Cass rolled her eyes. It was hard to be mad at Ana for anything.

"Yeah, uh, sorry, Cass." Theodore bit down on his lip, refusing to meet her gaze. "Er, I actually have to get to Charms…so…uh…bye…" He slipped out through the door, shutting it behind him, muttering something about fucking sneaky bitch under his breath.

"So, you and Theodore, huh?" Cass raised her eyebrows, ignoring whatever Theodore had to say about her, and Ana's face somehow managed to burn even more red.

"It isn't what it looks like."

"Oh yeah? What is it then?"

"I…I don't know." She shrugged, sitting down on the edge of her own bed. Why they didn't just use Ana's bed for their fun, Cass would never know. "We can't really be together, his father would have his head because of my blood status. But I really like him, and he likes me. Or he says he does."

"Trust me, he does. He told me so last year, at the Yule Ball."

Ana's green eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah, he really fancies you." Cass sat down on her own bed, pushing her trunk off to the side so she could stretch out her legs, and when Ana didn't say anything, she spoke again. "So, what have I missed?"

"A lot. Bloody hell, Cass, it has been insane here."

"Insane?"

Ana nodded gravely. "Umbridge has completely taken over, calls herself the High something…I can't remember the word, sorry. She's disbanded all clubs and organizations, Naia and Terry and the others on the Quidditch team had to beg her to let them re-form and play. It's horrible, Dumbledore hardly has any real power anymore."

Cass's brow furrowed together. "What the fuck? Seriously?"

"Yeah, and she's refusing to do any actual teaching, but luckily, Harry Potter-"

Whatever Ana was going to say about Harry Potter was cut off when the door to their dorm swung open, and in walked Naia and Luna, mid conversation.

"And then I said to Angie – Cass?!" Naia stopped dead in her tracks. "What are you doing here?"

Cass once again repeated that she'd been allowed back into the school, and Naia's face lit up. Her hand slipped from its grip with Luna's as she ran over and tackled her in a tight hug. "Fuck, I was so scared, we thought we'd never see you again!"

"I was expelled, I didn't die." She laughed to herself, hugging Naia back.

"Welcome back, Cass." Luna greeted when Naia finally let go of her. She wore a polite smile, and her eyes were wide and ernest as she spoke. "You're looking dreadful."

"Er…thanks?"

"Oh, ignore Luna." Naia waved a playful hand. "You look fine, I just got to touch you up a bit. Cover your scrapes and whatnot."

"My scrapes?"

"Yeah, and bruises. On your face. You look like you've been beat up."

Her brow furrowed together. Sure, she had a lot of injuries from That Night, as she called it in her head, but that had been weeks ago, surely they'd faded by now? She hadn't looked into a mirror recently to check on her markings – every time she saw herself, she was reminded of Barty, who she had been doing a rather good job of pushing out of her thoughts for the time being.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Cass forced a smile at her friends. "I…er, I missed you guys."

"We missed you too." Naia grinned back at her.

Cass knew she would have to face George eventually, but she hadn't expected it to be so soon.

She hadn't wanted to go to dinner in the Great Hall, she'd have preferred to hide in her dorm and read a book, avoiding seeing anyone who might judge her, but Ana had begged her to, and it was impossible to say no to Ana.

"So, I'd be a bit wary of Terry, he's been a bit…off about you, since you got expelled, but he'll come around eventually. Just try not to come off too strong on him and scare him off." Ana was explaining to Cass as they descended down the staircase and headed towards the Great Hall. "Other than him and Bethany, you should be fine. Beth doesn't even care that you got expelled, I don't think, I reckon she's just mad that you upset Dahlia. Wait, no, I take that back, Theodore and Henry have been acting funny too, but I don't think it has anything to do with you. But be careful anyways. Got it?"

Cass blinked at the rapid flow of information being thrown at her. "Uh, yeah, got it."

"Brilliant!" She clapped her hands together as they entered the Great Hall. Cass could feel the eyes of students turning to face her, to stare at her, but she tried to ignore it as panic welled in her chest. She wanted to run, to get the fuck out of there, but she couldn't do that without causing an even bigger scene. It would only put more attention on herself, and that was the last thing she wanted. Everyone already thought she was crazy.

"What the hell are you doing back here?" Bethany scrunched her nose as she approached the Ravenclaw table.

She didn't have time to respond, as the moment she sat down in between Luna and a very confused Padma, she heard her name being called from behind her.

"Cassie?"

She pursed her lips, taking a deep breath to calm her pounding heart before she turned around to face George Weasley. He was staring at her from just feet away, eyes wide like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. His voice was raw, desperate, and he repeated her name again, taking a step towards her.

Cass stood up from the table, suddenly sick to her stomach as she made the mistake of staring at him for a second too long. She'd missed him so much, but she couldn't have him, and it was about to destroy her.

"I have to go."

"Cassie, wait-" George called after her, but she didn't listen, no longer at all concerned about making a scene as she raced out of the Great Hall.

Apparently, being expelled for a month didn't overrule the detention she'd been given on her first day of class by Umbridge. She wasn't pleased about it by any means, but of course, she wasn't going to try and do anything about it, that might just get her re-expelled.

Though, as she made her way to her detention, she was cut off from her journey to her detention with the pink bitch when someone grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her into a closet with enough strength, her arm nearly came out of its socket.

She screamed as the door slammed shut in front of her, and a hand covered her mouth to keep her yelling to a minimum. Was it Barty, who's body was pressed against her back, holding her close and keeping her silent? Had he come back, after a month of not seeing him? Why? Was he here to finally finish her off?

Whoever it was, it didn't matter. This was how she was going to die, she could only assume as much. Not by her own hand, but by a stranger in a closet. She'd wanted to die, for so long, but now that she thought she was genuinely about to, a primal will to live filled her, that only relaxed when her captor spoke.

"Cassie, don't scream, it's just me." The hand came off of her mouth, and she whipped around to face a very flustered George Weasley.

"What the actual fuck is wrong with you?!"

"I'm sorry, shit, I'm sorry, I didn't know how to get you alone!" He flinched.

"So you dragged me into a closet?" She stared at him incredulously, her heart still beating faster than it should. Though the closet was only lit by the light that poured from the cracks in the doors, she could clearly make out George's features, his expression, the way he looked at her in a way she'd never seen before - a look of genuine hurt.

"You ran away from me yesterday. Why? Did I do something? What did I do?"

"I'm not having this conversation in a closet." Cass moved to open the door, but the handle wouldn't budge. "It's locked."

"Yeah…"

"You did that intentionally, didn't you?"

George pressed his lips together, clearly trying to suppress a smile. "Fred will let us out in an hour."

"An hour? I have detention!"

"Didn't you just get back yesterday?"

"Yes, and Umbridge said I have to go to the detention she gave me on my first day. If I don't show up, I'll just get into more trouble." She ran a hand through her hair, taking a deep breath. "Seriously, George, let me out. This isn't funny."

"I can't, I'm sorry. Not until we talk."

"I have nothing to say to you."

His expression of hurt morphed into an even worse form, and Cass had to look away, stare down at her feet instead. "Why not? What did I do?"

She shook her head, pressing her lips together and not answering. "I'm going to get more detentions because of this, you know?"

"Don't go to any of them."

"Why not?"

"Umbridge is a lunatic! She'll hurt you! Just…trust me, alright?"

"She'll hurt me?" Cass blinked. "I think you're being a bit dramatic."

"I'm not, look." He pulled out his hand, showing her the back. Even in the dark, she could clearly make out crimson writing sprawled across his skin, reading I must do as I'm told.

"Is that…?"

"Blood? Yup. Fred has one too. Half of the school does, I reckon."

Her stomach clenched up. "Shit, George, that's fucked up."

"I told you."

A long silence fell between the two.

"Cassie, there are some rumours going around…"

Cass resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Yeah, I know; they're that I'm crazy, that I'm just like my brother because I had a dark book, and I'm going to go on a murderous rampage just like he did. That I'm responsible for everything that happened last year, and that I'm evil and horrible and not to be trusted. I know."

He shook his head, frowning. "No, well, I mean, yeah, I've heard those, everyone has, but I also heard that, er, that you were in St. Mungo's. In their mental facility."

Cass's stomach dropped.

"H-how do you know that?"

"Dahlia told me. She said that I dumped her for a lunatic. I'm not sure how she would know about that, but she's been blabbing that nonsense to anyone who will listen. I tried to get her to stop, but, you know her."

Fucking Adelaide, she must've told her. Did that mean Bethany knew? Did that mean her dormmates knew? Naia and Ana and the others? They'd been so nice to her, had that been an act, simply to make sure she didn't snap and try to jump off the astronomy tower? Did they secretly think she was crazy? Was she crazy?

"I'm not mad." She repeated the statement she'd been saying since the day she'd been admitted to St. Mungo's, despite not knowing how true the words were.

"I never said you were. I don't believe what Dahlia said, about you being crazy, I promise. I just…I wanted to make sure you were okay now. When you never responded to my letters, I was so worried, fuck Cassie, if something happened to you, I don't know what I'd do with myself."

"Wait a minute, what letters?"

"Did you not get them? I sent you like twenty."

She shook her head, exhaling a sigh of relief. So he didn't hate her after all. He'd been trying to contact her, maybe her friends had been doing the same. But he should hate her, he really should. It would make everything so much easier…

"Fuck, I bet it was Umbridge. She reckons you're unhinged, need to be locked up for good. Told me as much in detention – I guess she knows we're…whatever we are."

She tried to ignore the final few words that he said, though those certainly struck her more than the fact that a professor would openly discuss a student in such a manner. "A professor said that?"

George nodded. "I wouldn't give her the honour of the title professor. More like tyrant."

Cass pressed her lips together, brown eyes staring into his. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. You just scared me."

"It's alright, I reckon I had that coming. I'm sorry I locked you in a closet."

"Well, it's better than getting my hand carved into, I suppose."

"Definitely. Like I've said before, I quite like your hands. I'd prefer they stay how they are."

She looked down at his hand again. The cuts were clearly deep, and would leave a scar for a long time, if not his entire life. "I can probably brew a cream for yours, help the scars fade. You and Fred, of course."

"That would be brilliant. Thank you."

"I think I need to tell you something."

George's eyebrows perked up. "Yeah? And what might that be?"

I love you.

"I slept with Connor." She hadn't been meaning to say that, the words just flew out before she could stop them, but it was probably for the best. He had a right to know. She didn't want to lie to him, not anymore.

His face fell. "Connor…as in that muggle friend of yours?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

She shrugged, a heat rising in her cheeks, and she stared at the ground, unable to meet his eye. "I was drunk. I was lonely. I wanted someone who wanted me."

"Was it…you…were you okay with it? You were okay with it, right?" He sputtered out, and Cass froze for a moment, unsure how to respond. She'd just told someone who she knew fancied her, that she'd been with someone else in the most intimate of ways, and his first thought was to ask if it was consensual, and not be upset? Why didn't he hate her?

"He didn't assault me, if that's what you're asking." She let out a soft laugh. "I came onto him, actually. It's a bit embarrassing, now that I think about it."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Because I love you.

"Because you deserve to know."

A silence passed between the two, and Cass thought she might just die from the awkwardness in the air.

Eventually, George spoke. "Well…I slept with Dahlia, while her and I were together, so I suppose I don't have any right to be upset with you."

While Cass wanted to point out that they were very different situations, she didn't, not wanting to talk about the subject further.

"Lucky her." Cass laughed, before realizing what she had just said, and quickly clasped a hand to her mouth. "Oh my God, I can't believe I just said that, I…I didn't mean that how it came off, oh my God I'm so sorry."

He stared at her, his lips curving back up into a grin. "Sorry for what? Do you think I'm going to take offence to you thinking sleeping with me would be a good experience?"

"I didn't say that."

"No, you said Dahlia was lucky to have been with me."

"I didn't mean it like that." She groaned, refusing to meet his eye.

He snorted. "Anyways, Cassie, aren't you a bit young to be sleeping around. I mean, you're fifteen years old."

"I'm not sleeping around, it was one person!" She insisted, and George laughed again. "And it may not have been assault, but I regret it."

"Why's that?"

"It was selfish. I don't love him, and I know he loves me."

"Bold of you to assume such a thing."

"I'm not assuming anything. He told me."

"I was joking, don't worry. He'd be crazy not to love you." George reached over, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. His touch was electric, and she felt her breathing stop. "What happened to your head?"

"Hm?"

"You have a massive gash on the side of your head. Did you hit it?"

Oh. Right.

"Er, I fell on concreate. And down the stairs. Not sure which one caused it."

"How did that happen?" He stared at her in disbelief, shaking his head. "You're not that clumsy, are you?"

"I'll tell you later." Cass waved a dismissive hand. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin the mood by talking about her suicide attempt. But, there was something she should tell him, and now was probably the best time to do so. She took a deep, shaky breath, and began to speak, the words that had been spinning in her head for the past month. "I don't think I'm good for you, George. That's why I've been avoiding you. I…I'm not good for anyone, but especially not you."

His brow furrowed together. "Why would you say that?"

"I don't know. Well, no, I do know. I hurt people. I hurt Cedric. I hurt my father. I hurt Connor. I hurt myself. I think you'd be happier, safer without me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you wound up hurt because of me."

"But-"

"Stop. Let me finish, before you talk."

He took a deep breath, like he wanted to protest this, but didn't. "Alright. Sorry. Continue."

"I'm not a good person – oi, no, I said let me talk, you don't get to interrupt. I've done fucked up things, and I keep doing them even though I don't mean to. I'm not mad, but I am unstable, that's been made pretty clear to me, and I thought, maybe, if I stayed away from you, nothing bad could happen to you like it did to Cedric. You wouldn't be caught up in my bullshit, be it Barty or my own mental state and stupid choices. But fuck, George, you make it really hard for me to keep away."

"Go on." He urged her, a smirk slipping onto his lips.

"I mean, when I first met you, I couldn't stand you. You poured water on me, for fucks sake!" He let out a laugh at this, and she couldn't help but smile at the memory as well. "You were a pain in my arse – you wouldn't leave me alone, and it drove me mad. Then, I don't know when, you became my friend, even though you still drove me mad then, and I know I haven't been the greatest friend all the time - oi, I said no talking! I haven't been a great friend all the time, you know that, but I do want to be. I want to be the person you deserve. And, I also don't know exactly when, but something changed between us. George, somewhere along the way, I think I fell in love with you, and I hate myself for it. I hate myself, for being so selfish as to want you, because I know I'm not good for you."

A pregnant pause fell between the two.

"Can I talk now?"

"Go ahead." She gulped, preparing for the worst. But it didn't come.

"Cassie, I've loved you since that day in Myrtle's bathroom."

"Last year, when I had the panic attack?" She frowned. That would certainly be an odd time to fall in love with someone, but to each their own.

He shook his head. "No, when you were poisoned. When I thought you were dead, that's when I fell in love with you. I couldn't handle the idea of losing you, even then."

She stared at him, eyes wide in disbelief. "George…we were just kids then."

"I know. I don't think I really realised it at the time, but I loved you, and only you, for years, ever since that moment. I love you, in every sense of the word."

"I love you, George Weasley." Cass leaned up, standing on the tips her toes to meet George's face, and gently brought her lips to his before she could stop herself, before she could remind herself to not be selfish, to not want him, to not crave him. He responded to her chaste kiss with passion, his hand wrapping around her head and pushing her onto him with more force than she'd ever seen from him. Their lips fell together without any rhyme or reason, but still felt perfect, like their shapes were built for one another.

While just hours ago, she had been once again desperate to end her life, now, she finally had found something worth living for. Even if she knew, deep down, whatever spark of a relationship that had blossomed between them was born to die.