I am still alive but a lot has happened. I have had the worst days of my life, but I'm trying to come out stronger. It's been so hard to want to work on this. Especially because I feel like it got away from me, the rewrite has changed direction from the original version lol
Two weeks later, Dawlish arrived. He arrived at the Ministry while Harry and Neville were dueling Senior Aurors from the French Ministry and he stood quietly to watch them for a moment.
Larry had pointed out that they might be too familiar with each other's dueling styles and it would do them well to try their hands at dueling more experienced Aurors- but Tonks had pointed out that this didn't seem like more of a challenge, considering Harry and Neville had been fighting Dark Wizards since they were- in Harry's case- preteens.
A lot of the training so far had been focused on refining their dueling, because while she knew they could hold their own in a duel, they needed to be able to match the speed and stamina some Dark Wizards had. The other stuff could come later, but with how well-known they were, Harry and Neville had to know the best ways to defend themselves while out working. She could tell they preferred the more practical lessons over the book lessons anyway.
At first, Larry has tasked them with fighting two Senior Aurors at first, but that ended up still being a bit difficult for them, so they were given a break and were each just fighting one Auror instead.
Neither were sleeping well, she knew. Both had dark bags under their eyes and it was becoming more common for them to already be awake when she got up. Harry's nightmares were getting worse, he was the one she heard around the flat at night the most. She could tell, based on how they walked, who was who. Harry walked nearly silently, likely from wanting to escape detection throughout his childhood at the Dursleys. Neville's footsteps were a little louder but it was obvious he tried to make no noise. He'd learn eventually, once they worked more on stealth.
Harry would mutter sometimes. She had only really heard what he was saying a few times.
She watched him as he dueled his Auror. He didn't seem to show any signs of exhaustion, which she supposed was good.
It was during this dueling exercise that Dawlish entered. He looked tired, she noted, but it was understandable. Things at their Ministry were not getting better, she imagined. Everyone was always tired now. She wondered if that would ever end.
"Auror Lupin, let's talk somewhere private." Dawlish said after a moment. He was nervous about something, he always fiddled with the buttons on the wrist of his robe when he was nervous. Another Auror, wearing the French Ministry's robes, was with him. She had sleek bright silver hair, but did not look old enough to have silver hair naturally. It was a direct contrast to Tonks' dark and currently messy curls that were falling out of the loose plait she had wrestled them into this morning. It made her realise she missed being able to control her hair.
The Head Auror was quite pretty, with no scars or outward signs of having worked such a rough job long enough to have earned the Head Auror badge pinned to her robes.
Tonks nodded.
"We will take care of your trainees." Head Auror Genevieve Thomas said, giving her a quick smile. Her accent was dainty, softer than even Fleur's. "We'll keep them busy."
Tonks returned the smile. She liked Genevieve, even though she had only met her once before. She was a likeable person, which likely helped her control a department primarily staffed by men who might not yet be comfortable with a women for a boss. Or, perhaps, France was not as behind as London's Ministry and a woman in charge was not an issue.
"I don't doubt that." Tonks said, and then she followed Dawlish out of the training room, through the department and to the Head Auror's office.
"Is something wrong?" She asked, when he closed the door and gestured for her to sit.
"Not entirely, but I wasn't sure how you'd take it." Dawlish said. "There has been some concern on your ability to train anyone."
"What? Why?"
"The examiners have concerns about someone so young being capable. After all, you have the least amount of experience in the department."
"Right, so why did you ask me if my experience was an issue?" Tonks asked.
"It's not, for me. I would say your work for the Order more than qualifies you."
"But they don't think so."
Dawlish shook his head. "You're young, and a lot of older Aurors won't want to admit you're more experienced than they were in their twenties." Dawlish said. "However, they're willing to give you a chance."
"I sense a 'but'."
"They would like you to prove yourself."
"How?"
"A trial." Dawlish said. "They'll formulate a variety of tests and trials to see how you handle them. They'll allow Harry and Neville to observe, so they can see some of the training in a more practical setting. They also want to test Harry and Neville."
"Okay, when?"
"Yours starts this evening. Harry and Neville will be tested this afternoon."
"So soon?" She asked.
Dawlish nodded. "So, go back to your trainees, make sure they feel comfortable with a large variety of spells. I don't know yet what they will be tested on. Maybe get yourself some practice too, make sure you're ready. Your trial will not be in the Ministry, you will be out in the city."
Tonks nodded. "I'll prepare, it'll be fine."
"I know." Dawlish said. "I have complete confidence in you. Prepare the boys, they've created a new test for the trainees. It won't be gentle."
Harry stood in the middle of the training room, his heart racing.
He knew the reason behind this test, but he hated it. He felt very on edge.
"These tests are meant to scare you." Tonks had said to them. "They're meant to test how much you can withstand. One hour, that's what they like to see for each test. Some Aurors last hours, some don't make it one. They just want to see how long you can withstand it."
"How long did you last?" Neville asked.
"Fifty eight minutes. I couldn't summon a patronus to chase off a dementor, but I had only learned the charm a few weeks before." Tonks said. "They counted it as a pass simply on the technicality that I didn't actually get attacked by the dementor, I evaded it until they called off the test. The room wasn't dark, though. That's going to be an added layer of difficulty."
"To someone who hasn't experienced much, or any dark magic, it's jarring to do something like this. To you two, it will be unfortunately familiar." Tonks continued. "They just want to know you can handle it and how you can handle unsavory conditions, like darkness, because sometimes we do have to work in nearly pitch black conditions. Light up your wand, you're dead. They'll want to know your instincts are sharp."
They. Harry knew she meant the examiners, anonymous members of the Wizengamot who were retired Aurors, but something about the way everyone simply referred to them as 'they' or 'them' made it sound more mysterious than it actually was. The two wizards that had accompanied Dawlish had been nice, but that didn't make Harry any more confident. They weren't the examiners, anyway, just their assistants.
The examiners already knew Harry and Neville could handle themselves in a duel, the assistant explained. They wanted to see them sweat a little and had created a new exam for this round of recruits.
It made Harry uncomfortable that the examiners could see everything while he saw nothing. It made him aware of every tiny sound, every tiny movement, so that he didn't miss a single detail.
Around him, he could hear shadows move.
It's not real.
You are not in danger.
They won't let you get hurt.
Or maybe they would, he couldn't help but add.
He heard something directly next to him, a growl.
There was a scream somewhere in the shadows, sending chills down Harry's spine.
This all felt like torture.
"Someone help!" A woman screamed. "Please, God, someone!"
He heard a buzzing and popping sound, similar to the sound of bursting lightbulbs. It took only a second for him to raise a shield, a spell violently bouncing off and crashing into a wall somewhere. Another spell followed, nearly going through his charm, and he realised each spell would probably get stronger and stronger.
It had taken a while for him to notice a lot of spells made a similar sound, but there were a few that made no audible sound at all.
There was another scream but it sounded familiar to Harry. He wasted too long trying to place it and the next spell went right through his charm, striking him in the arm. A burning sensation ripped through his arm, knocking his wand from his hand.
He dove for his wand quickly, another spell missing him by mere inches. Harry felt stupid for losing concentration, he knew that was part of the test.
He couldn't let himself be shaken. He deflected the next curse, and the next one, but they started coming faster and faster. There was more yelling somewhere nearby and what sounded like a duel nearby, and Harry knew they were trying to distract him.
He had tried to mentally keep track of time, but found it impossible to now that things were moving so quickly. Harry surprised himself when he flung his hand behind him and deflected a spell wandlessly that would have otherwise struck his back and had a moment of triumph when he realised he had not uttered a single one of his spells aloud.
However, he was starting to get tired. Sweat was dripping down his neck as he dodged and deflected, unsure if there was more he could be doing. Should he be trying to get to the woman who had screamed? Surely, an Auror should try to protect an innocent casualty?
He tried to begin moving in the direction he had heard the scream from, deflecting the rapidly firing spells. His feet felt for anything that might trip him up, certain that they would add a hazard like that.
One spell managed to get under his arm and struck him in the chest, throwing him back. His head hit the ground and his vision blurred...
And then suddenly, Harry was in a car he didn't recognise. He looked up at the mirror but could only see dark reddish toned hair. A girl with pale green eyes and long sandy hair sat behind him, giving him a small smile before looking away. He almost felt like he had met her before, but couldn't think of where.
There was a commotion ahead that didn't come into focus enough for Harry to see it, but the car swerved and slid sideways. He couldn't see the driver, or any more of himself except the reddish toned hair he had already seen, but a bright light filled the car for a second before Harry felt the oddest sensation of falling from a height.
He woke up on the ground, the darkness in the room gone, his heart pounding. Tonks was leaning over him, and for the briefest moment, he thought she was the mystery girl- somehow they looked similar and he wondered how they were connected. "Are you alright?" Tonks asked, reaching to help him sit up. He could see marks on the walls where the deflected spells had hit.
"What happened?" Harry asked. "How long- did I fail-"
"It's alright." Tonks said. "How long has this been happening?" Tonks asked quietly, kneeling in front of him. "When you're awake?"
"What do you mean?"
"Harry. When I came in here, you muttered something again, something about a car? If you're having visions again- Harry, you could be dismissed for it."
Harry's face fell. "You wouldn't tell-"
"No." She said. He could tell she was telling the truth, but this felt less like a conversation with a concerned friend and more like a boss reprimanding a slacking employee. "It makes you a liability, though. If you're on a raid and it happens, it'll put yourself and others at risk. If anyone else sees it happen, you could lose your spot in the Aurors. How often does it happen?"
Harry shrugged again. "Sometimes nightly, sometimes not for a few nights. But this is the first time it's happened while I was awake, I think."
"You think..." She said quietly. "For now, it could be assumed the test triggered some kind of post-traumatic episode or you hit your head too hard. They won't hold that against you. However, they will want you to work on it, and your next test will try to purposefully trigger something- they need to know you won't buckle."
"But I can't control it-"
"Then you better hope it doesn't happen again. If they deem you too unstable, you're done." Tonks said. She was quiet for a moment. "Is it still the same as the one you told me the other day? About the four people?"
"No. This was different. Must have been something the exam caused, I've never seen this girl before."
"Have you considered telling anyone? What you're seeing?"
"Like a Healer? No-"
"Not necessarily. Maybe talking about it will help. Maybe if you could lay it all out, all the facts... like a case. Maybe you could figure out what it means and stop it."
"Maybe." Harry said, but he wasn't convinced.
Tonks straightened up. "Come on, Neville's test is in an hour, we'll leave him work with Larry. Dawlish will want to have a meeting with you about yours. He'll also want the completed report on that assignment."
Harry nodded, pushing himself to his feet. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"
"I already said I won't. I'm pretty good at keeping my word."
Harry nodded, following her. He was pretty sure Aurors had to be good at keeping secrets, anyway. An Auror with a penchant for gossiping probably wouldn't make it very far.