Reunion: Side Final
The Bitter End
Six Months Later
The alcohol thrums in my veins with the low music that's playing in Neji's party. Men in skimpy bikinis writhe against poles seductively while several men watch the show. It's a complete male gala when men assemble each month to satiate their depraved lust. Alcohol and men's juices flow like a river. Some drugs are also being passed around.
I've become a regular since the past six months. Drinking till people's faces stop making sense, doing drugs when the drinking stopped working. And so far, a couple of hits were doing me good. A specific type, a good night so I could stop thinking of that night. I also had an alcove I preferred. Far away from it all. Far away from him.
Ironically, each month it's in a different city and tonight, it's in Oto. Oto the place where Naruto currently lives. And the whole night, I've been thinking of him. In fact, these past six months I've been doing just that.
An arm wound around my waist when my partner for the night returned with a refill of my drink. His hair was blond. Dyed but that worked too. Natural blonds were a preferred favorite though. It made me pound them harder. Whether it was me punishing Naruto subconsciously or me making do with a substitute, I didn't know.
I didn't bottom. I didn't feel that inclination with anyone. That space was only reserved for one person. One person who wracked utter havoc over me. Always did, always has and now always will. I looked at my partner with unfocused eyes, when I moved towards my drink and took a sip of it. He leaned forward a little and I noticed the little blue pill. I covered the distance in a kiss, taking it and swallowing it.
I knew, even with the drug, I won't have any problem getting it up. I've been pent up. Frustrated, troubled, confused. So many things all because of one man I can't let go, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I fall. I don't regret my choice about what we did that night. I wanted it. I wanted it for every day if I could. But it only had to be him. And we both knew it was never happening again.
Oto gave me possibilities I didn't want to think about. I am doing this to stop wanting him.
And so for now, this will do.
He leans in for another kiss and I oblige. A hand on my bicep, hard enough to hurt through my state of oblivion, jars me to sobriety for a second. I turn the same unfocused eyes on those of a furious Uzumaki Naruto.
What is he doing here? Is he here for me?
I am sure I'm dreaming. But he roughly runs a thumb over my mouth, pulling my face closer. "Selling your lips for drugs now, Uchiha?" Naruto's voice is contained, casual almost.
I shrug. "This doesn't involve you."
Blue eyes turn to my companion and then to me. "I think it does."
He turns to my partner. "You won't be needed anymore. Please find someone else. This one belongs to me. Good night." And then he turns to me, rudely dismissing him. My partner looks flabbergasted at me but I cannot look away. I'm standing here, in the surrealism of seeing a face I came here to forget. His eyes are such a familiar shade of blue. Every freckle of anger he's ever felt between us, frozen into that cold blue. This is the only thing we understand better about each other. And it shines in those eyes when he looks at me.
"I'm taking you home, right this second!" Naruto's voice brooks no arguments.
"No, you aren't taking me anywhere. Please find someone else to harass." I turn to find my partner gone.
I'm alone with him. I need to get out of here, now.
I'm lifted in the air when Naruto grabs me by the shins with one hand and my chest with the other. He picks me up and runs like I'm a sack over his shoulder. I don't struggle, too scared to fall. He mercifully puts me down. I lean against a nearby car to get my bearings while he opens the passenger seat.
"Get in," he nods towards it.
"No," I cross my arms across my chest. His face begins losing focus. There are three…four…of him surrounded by rainbow colors. The drug hits me like a hurricane. All voluntary muscles suspended when I go into that quiet space inside my brain. I stand still, unable to move away or towards him.
"Sasuke," His soft voice hits like a dart through my foggy brain that keeps losing track of its surroundings. "Let me take you back, please."
The drug must be kicking in full power because I look him in the eye. "Then take me home."
He really excites me like no other. Satisfies me like no other. And I know no matter who I took to bed, the ecstasy I felt with him is like no other. At least I could get to do it with him. My dick showed interest. My ass clenched like it remembered. Oh I wanted it. And he was going to give it to me.
He carefully helps me into the seat, his actions gentle and mechanic and slow, so slow. I blink, once, twice. I must have dozed off because the sound of a door shutting jars me awake. "Naruto, is that you? I'm dreaming. I have to be." He laughs under his breath and my lids close sleepily. I want to tell him so many things, right all wrongs. I close my eyes to recall them and don't recall opening my eyes for a long moment.
When I do, someone is muttering something under their breath as they try to remove my shoes.
I look down and, "Naruto, is that you? I'm dreaming. I have to be."
The shoe he was struggling with drops fast before Naruto laughs again. I look down at him, registering the sound of his laugh, the feel of his hand on my foot. It's in multi-color and Naruto, he fucking shines so bright. I laugh in delight, my hand moving to land on his face. I stroke it gently. This is not a dream. Naruto's laugh trims down to a smile. "Stop looking at me like that. We're not having sex tonight."
"But you want me, don't you?" I look at him heatedly, wanting all of it all over again.
Naruto looks at me for a long moment. "That's the problem Sasuke. I want you. I want all of you."
I didn't need to be told twice. My hand moves to the button of my jeans and his hand moves to cover mine, to stop it. His face hardens. "You only want this, don't you little slut?"
Call me crazy but those degrading words turn me on. He can think the worst of me and I can live with that. Do his worse. And I know, if I had another chance with him, I'd do it all over again. It was him I couldn't stop thinking about. Couldn't stop wanting.
"You know I do." Lazily my hand moves to the front of his crotch. The body never lies. And a part of him hard is proof of that. "And I know you want it too. So, let's lose our pants and get to it."
A muscle ticks in his jaw. "Not tonight. You went ahead and got drugged! Why are you so stupid Sasuke?"
Words climbed to the surface. I wanted to tell him it was because of him. Because I spent six months trying to find someone to replace him. That after that night, I can't get him out of my mind. That I couldn't for the past thirteen years of knowing each other. To confess that I always thought of him on nights I wanted to be touched. That I could never, in my wildest dreams, ever, consider bending over for someone else.
"I'm a lunatic for being obsessed with you." Did I say that out loud? I look at Naruto's face to see a stunned expression. Yup, I did.
"Obsessed with me?" God, the expression on his face and his soft, soft blue eyes look at me.
Time stands still. It holds no essence when I look into those eyes. I've imagined them, alright. Angry, always angry blue eyes. Not like his eyes darkening to a different shade that makes me feel warm all over. It's beautiful. Magnificent. His entire being feels different. "How could I not be obsessed?" I say that bit out loud again.
Naruto chuckles under his breath and it's beautiful. I'd heard it, alright. Each time we was with his friends. I'd been obsessed back then too. Learning all his laughs, memorizing them. We were so far apart that we didn't even have mutual friends. But I knew of his quirks, his smiles. "And since when have you been obsessed?"
"Thirteen years, seven months and four days." I look away and bite my tongue.
That must have been the correct answer because it earns me a playful nip on my neck which turns into a kiss. He gives in and brings his mouth upwards. "And finally," he turned my face towards his. I could feel his breath on my lips. "Why are you obsessed with me?"
Where should I start from? Shining bright golden Naruto lay beside me, his eyes so beautiful all lit up. "The first time I saw you, my dick tingled." I cover my face and laugh in embarrassment, missing how his jaw hardens. "I was hard in three seconds." I look at him from between my fingers, "That still hasn't changed."
"Where was this?" he asks.
"First day of school. You were standing by the bulletin board, ruffling someone's hair."
"Oh my god! Since then?"
He pauses for a while. I busy myself kissing his neck. "But why did you say you didn't know me when I asked you?"
"Because I didn't want you to know."
"You could have just told me Sasuke! Why did you not?"
"Because you hated me. Ah, that still hasn't changed either." I move to undo the button of his jeans.
Naruto exhales, pushing me away. "Stop, we're not doing this."
"Yes, we are. Throughout school you were selfish to a fault, now it is my turn. And I need this."
"Sasuke, you're high! Stop! Get off me." I push him down with ferocious strength.
"I don't care if you accuse me of rape tomorrow, Naruto. But tonight I swear I'll die if I don't get this." His hands are roughly captured in mine, pinning them above his head. My other hand moves to undo his pants where he's rock hard. I bend down and sniff an open armpit. "Please lend me this body."
He frees his hand in an instant and reverses our positions. "Rape? You're a million years too young to think you can do it to me."
I lean up and bite his ear. I use the pad of my thumbs to circle his nipples. "Oh, but I can. I can show you what I am capable of if we were to switch. I am quite skilled in that department. But for now, I want your dick rammed deep in my ass."
Naruto is all animal when he attacks me. I don't know what sets his trigger but one second, he's looking at me all fire blazing in his eyes and the next second, he's pulling down my clothes and tearing my shirt open. It's hard to tell who's going to get raped. Me, who's clothes lie in tatters, my body dying to be touched by him, to be hurt by him. Or him because I'm only just holding on when I watch him undress, pushing down his pants with newfound vigor.
A naked Naruto against my skin feels much, much better than anyone else I've held. It's like a fight for each of us to get more skin, touch, kiss, feel each inch of skin. He feels familiar, good. He bites my skin, some places prick where he bites harder. "I've wanted you for thirteen years too, you bastard. Each time I held someone, I touched someone, hell, each time I took the slightest interest in someone, you were all I could think about. And after the last time, I can't get you out of my mind." He leans up and bites my lower lip.
The sick concoction of everything I've downed from the alcohol to the drugs, hits me. "Then fuck me like you mean those words."
"It should have been me Sasuke, you stubborn asshole! Why did we start the way we did?"
"It doesn't matter now. You want me and I'm ready for it. So hurry up."
"So hungry for it!" he pushes me face first into the bed and slaps my butt. "We need to prep you up, since you didn't come prepared." He squeezes the butt he slapped, pinching the skin. It clenches in anticipation.
"I'd have prepared myself if I knew I was seeing you."
"Why? Not going to bottom for anyone else, anymore?" His cruel words sound hopeful for some reason. He picks up the lube and works it on his fingers.
"Never have, never will." Naruto leans up from where he was pressing his lips over my neck and kisses me, all tongue. I love it.
"My little slut, you can't forget about tonight, okay? And you can't hold it against me, you get that?" He forces me to look at him. I nod, my focus on his lubed up finger over my hole before he pushes one in, then adds another.
Oh…oh…oh…my body knows these fingers. I've imagined them in shameful, frenzied moments in the dark, working me the same way as they do now. There are sounds that fill the space around us, shameful sounds that leave my mouth, my body. My hands grapple his sheets like my life depends on it. He's relentless when he begins jacking me off simultaneously. His fingers find my weak spot; he teases it mercilessly even as he pries me open while his finger teases the slit of my penis. Breathing is a task. More sounds fill each time I clench my hole around his fingers. Sounds that leave his mouth. Sounds of me reacting to the double stimulation. It hits me like a wave, drowning me in never ending pleasure and pain. I'm about to come and just when I'm about to scale that mountain (two more thrusts of his hand or his finger teasing my prostate, whichever comes first). I wait for the magic to happen but his hands leave me. I look at him in disbelief.
"Patience," Naruto smirks at me and lubes himself mixed with my precum. My cock juts out angrily, impatient as all fuck. My whole body is a contradiction to what is expected of me.
For all his savagery, he enters me slowly, careful about not hurting me. "Is this alright?" he asks, pushing his hips a little forward as if scared of tearing me apart. After doing what he did to me last time, he can't ask that now. But he's pressed over my back, his hands perched over my mine as he grabs my hands for control. So, I let it go.
The slow pace hits me unexpectedly. Sensations magnified by the drug hit me like little fireworks. He pulls out more times than pushes in. His breaths slow and steady beside me. The head of his cock brushes against my good places, driving me to another kind of madness. Because each time he pushes forward, my cock rubs mercilessly over his sheets. The friction compensates for his hand which was giving me a handjob. Even though the pressure is less, it manages to send little sparks up my brain. But it always ends before I can pursue that pleasure, before I can begin to grab that euphoria which awaits me. I hate the teasing.
I push him down, grab his cock before he can move, realigning my hole against it before I slide down his length impatiently. It pushes brutally against my innards, driving me insane. I still over him and move my hips to settle him in better, to find that pleasure. I lift myself a little and this time when I push down, it get it just right.
Naruto's hands dig into my waist as he fights for patience but I've got my hands digging into his pecs like I want them to. I lift my ass up and keep bringing it down again and again and again and again. The frenzy of exploding along with the firework that's moving to shoot in my brain is overwhelming. I finally, finally touch myself. And the second I do, my fingers grab skin to latch on to and then I'm coming. No warning, no threat. I've wanted this too much, too much. My sphincter muscles are probably strangling Naruto's cock but I don't care. I watch in absolution how my spunk flies out and lands all over his chest. A few drops reach his chin and I know he'd have licked it had he not been busy with his own orgasm. His cock expands inside me once and then his fingers on my waist clench painfully. "Coming," He graces me with a warning and then his hot seed fills me. I lie on his chest in boneless exhaustion, panting like a dog, at the end of it.
"You may hate my guts all you want, but you can't deny our compatibility."
He gives me a hard look again. "You mean our sexual compatibility, don't you?"
"Of course," it takes effort to move off him. My asshole gapes open and wet goop slides down. "We need to do this again, soon. With condoms. Probably in thirty minutes. Yeah, I just…" My lids feel heavy, the surge of chemicals in my blood too strong to ignore. Not to mention, the orgasm which sucked everything out of me.
"Sasuke?"
"Yeah?" my tone resonates his soft tone.
Warm fingers slide over my cheeks and I turn to look at him through hooded lashes. "Do you know who I am?" Dream Naruto looks younger, leaning with his arm over me.
It's always the moment where I fucked up. Not tonight. Not this time. I smile up at him and nod. "You're Uzumaki Naruto, the guy who took my breath away the moment I saw you. You have twenty-two smiles, but my favorite is the one in which your lips tilt up." Said lips, tilt up.
Naruto exhales sharply. "God, you stupid prideful bastard! Always…always so hard to get." He looks at me regretfully. "Doing all this when I know you're going to deny every single thing tomorrow! But we need to sort this tonight because I'm done with this hot and cold attitude of yours. So if it's taking you drugs to tell me everything then I'm willing to use it." My eyes have almost closed with blissful sleep calling me. His lips on mine jerk me awake. "Selling your lips for pills! I'm still holding that against you."
"Please stop talking. I'm sleepy."
He jerks me awake. "No. We are starting over! This is the most important part!"
I sit up with a grunt, my eyes barely managing to stay open. "But I thought we covered that already? Look can we just do this after I'm awake? I haven't slept properly in the past six months and I need to catch up."
There's a beat of silence, then two, then sleep calls.
Naruto exhales, "I'm waking you in an hour. Tonight, we really have to start over."
"Start over what?"
"Us."
"Us?
"From the moment I saw you, I wanted you. So, will you go out with me?"
"Ask me such things when I'm awake. I think I'll-"
His groan is the last thing I hear before I succumb to sleep.
I can't sleep.
No, in fact, I fight every temptation in my body that argues with the idea of settling my arms around him and leaning into his warmth. He'd let me. I know he would.
Six months have been an insane drive into work and work and more work. Only to forget about this man.
And then, tonight I was at my bar, when a friend sent me a picture of him. Only standing in the background, downing alcohol was none other than Uchiha Sasuke. I'd raced there as fast as I could.
And now, I lie next to him on the duvet, watching him sleep, even when he faces away from me.
After the initial shock wore away to find him asleep, I laughed at the comedy of errors.
And the biggest joke is on me because I brought him home.
The thing is, it's not his fault. I know he is going to be an asshole tomorrow. I knew it the moment I brought him home. I was so mad at him, it hurt. But how is it that this man turns into something so fucking irresistible at night and then an absolute jackass the next morning? It's an enigma, really.
I didn't confess anything the last time we did this. When I felt the softness of his prepped asshole, the script I was working on when I went to collect my phone, went down the drain. Anger took over. I said words I've never used before and not once did he look hurt. So nonchalant, so cruel, so uncaring. I hated him so much for that. And to come prepared…It wasn't like I didn't expect him to have his share of…fun, but imagining someone else having something as exquisite as that hole, wasn't it. Imagining him letting out a single sweet sound for someone else, just about makes me want to do them in.
Or laugh with. Or talk to. Or even breathe around him. Or exist, really.
And so I didn't sleep a wink despite knowing the slimy bastard is going to deny everything like the coward he is. But not this time. Now he's given me enough ammunition.
And now after last night, come rain, come shine, I am going to make this man mine.
Uchiha Sasuke, the bastard, sleeps like the dead, in one single position, for eight hours, forty-seven minutes and fifty-two seconds before he stirs then groans loudly. His bones pop, his carefully styled hair from last minute, a messy artless mop on his head, making him look cuter. It takes a second but his whole body freezes and then he finally, finally turns in my direction.
Midnight eyes meet mine. They blink once, then twice before a tongue moves out to lick a swollen bottom lip. "Na- Naruto," his scratchy, hoarse voice from last night breaks the first time, eliciting a pleasant tingle down my spine. I fucking love this man! And last night was…last night was so beyond my dreams, I need to ascertain it really happened.
"Uchiha Sasuke, will you go out with me?" He blinks at me once, then twice in quick successions.
He exhales loudly then looks at me. "What brought this on, first thing in the morning?"
"You told me to ask you such things when you were awake."
"Yeah, but I didn't say I would say yes, did I?" Sometimes that old urge to punch this motherfucker's face drives me so crazy, I have to really hold back.
"So you do remember last night. That's a good place to start."
He sighs. "Yes, I do. I was at Neji's party then you came over, ruined everything, and brought me here. We had good sex. End of story."
"Neji?"
Midnight eyes rise to look at me. "A one-time hookup."
"Who clearly sent you an invite to such a fancy party. Don't you work in Konoha?"
"That's none of your business." There, just like that, he pushes me to the side.
"Now it is. You talked about last night but oh-so-conveniently omitted the part where I have twenty-two smiles but your favorite is when I slightly tilt my lips upwards."
He blushes. Revealing secrets wasn't his plan. "So what does that prove? I confess I was observant like that."
"Jesus Christ, Sasuke! Why is it so fucking hard to say yes?"
"But why should I? You have your life, I have mine. I don't think it's ever going to work."
"We have thirteen years of only wanting each other and this is what you have to say? God, last night you almost said yes!" I exhale loudly and let out a hollow laugh. "Damn it! Why did I get my hopes up?"
A shadow passes over his face. "Look, I'm just being practical. Besides, there's a lot going on with the new hospital in Konoha, while you run a business here in Oto. So…between our busy schedules, I don't think it's going to work. It's fine as long as we happen to meet if we're in the same town, spend nights like this." After last night, this little bitch has the nerve to shrug, smiling flirtatiously.
I eye the movement with disdain, shaking my head. "No. I'm not going to be your fuck buddy. Don't even think of it!"
"We don't have to be exclusive, you know." I hate him because it hurts; this bluntness, this crudeness.
After I finally make him mine, the first thing I'll teach him are some basic social manners, the fucking sociopath!
"I'm asking for absolute exclusivity, Uchiha Sasuke!"
I fight the urge to slap a hand across that face I love. Sasuke has the audacity to look at me like I've grown horns. He lets out a laugh. "Of course, not! Are you stupid or what? We don't even live in the same town!"
"So, distance is the problem, am I right?" I cut to the chase of what he's going to start reiterating. He honestly gets on my nerves when he behaves like this.
"That's one of the few things."
"We can work towards it. Next?" I look at him. It's almost endearing how flabbergasted he looks.
"You're just feeling all these things because we had sex. Mind-blowing sex. His mask cracks for a second before he gets on his asshole of a high horse. "So don't you think it's a win-win situation?"
Again with the sex. When he brought up the dick tingling at the sight of me, it sort of resonated because I was pleased. But now, he's pushing my buttons. I miss the Sasuke from last night.
I rub my forehead. "Alright, fine. So how does this work again?" I ask him. "Do we text each other our coordinates from time-to-time? Do we set up a place to meet? I mean, I've never had a long-distance friends-with-benefit situation like this. So you'll have to teach me the ropes."
"Fine, then. We can…uh…text each other if we're in a different city or if one of us goes to the other's. That way, we can meet up."
"And in the interim?" I force the words out despite knowing how deep this bastard's words are going to cut.
Sasuke shrugs like it's obvious. "We can seek pleasure elsewhere. I'll only top, obviously, since I don't seek that pleasure elsewhere. I said I'm okay with us not being exclusive."
"And what if one of us was to get into a relationship?"
That cold mask cracks a little when he looks at me. "Then we come clean and end this."
"And what would happen if we lived in the same town? Would that make us exclusive?"
"If we wanted it to be." He looks at me like he hasn't thought about it.
"Understood."
"Quick question?" I look at him and he nods at me to continue.
"When you mention texting each other, does that include normal conversation?"
Sasuke considers this for a moment. "Sure," he says.
"Fine. We'll do it your way."
From this point on, I'll dance to all his tunes if it makes him mine.
Five Months Later
I open the front door to my house to find a drunk and stumbling Uzumaki Naruto on my porch, getting drenched in the rain. I pull him inside immediately and make him shed his clothes and direct him towards the shower where I bring him fresh towels and a change of clothes. I have questions I want to ask him but for now, getting him warm is important.
He was here not three days ago. Maybe his work ran longer today. I shrug. Him showing up unannounced in my apartment is nothing new to me. Three months ago, he showed up at my doorstep for the first time. Something about working on a long-term project. I didn't particularly care because quite honestly, I was thinking about how convenient not to mention frequent our meetings would become.
Only there were some other perks added to the mix. Things like Naruto making breakfast in the kitchen. Things like pretending to read a book on my off day only to watch him do his work on the living room sofa, feet up on the coffee table, tablet in hand. We share pizzas and stories. We share baths, space on my bookshelf, my coffee table, my closet, space on the sofa, and in my bed.
And I don't hate it. In fact, the house becomes unbearably quieter when he's not around. In these past three months we've had days when we haven't gone past a blowjob and I've been fine with it, satisfied even.
So, I don't really make a big deal of him coming here. I'm more worried about why he's so drunk.
Setting the water to boil for tea in the kitchen, I bring his wet clothes from the entrance to run them in the dryer.
I empty out his pockets to find a business card in one. It is of a bar on the opposite side of town. His name catches my eye. I wonder about it for a second. But oh well. Work is something he usually does not talk about. I often catch him doing some work on his tablet but even though I'm inquisitive, I don't ask.
I'm pulling out a hand-rolled teabag left by my housekeeper to let it steep into a clear mug of water when Naruto walks in. He's slightly taller than me and bulkier; more muscle than fat. My pajama pants look slightly tight against his powerful thighs that clench me hard when we're in bed. My t-shirt is taut across his wide chest. White was a strategic choice. The material is thin enough to see the outline of his nipples. His pecs and abs are also defined by the t-shirt. His arms in the sleeveless t-shirt, bunch showing muscles I've embedded my nails into in the throes of passion. Hard, the skin is hard there.
He glances once at me where I stand at the counter, adding honey to his tea, knowing he doesn't like it bitter, with an innocent look while the inside of me feels tingly and naughty. I can't deny this reaction. He lifts the grey towel I handed him out of my personal collection and runs it through his hair when he starts walking over to me. I pass him the tea before I can do something stupid, like tweak a nipple and suck on it. He takes a seat at the bar, lifting the mug. I watch him quietly as he sips it quietly and gulps it down his throat.
"So what brings you here?" I ask, moving around the counter with my own mug of tea.
"So direct! At least ask a man how he's doing first" Naruto sips the concoction.
"You're doing fine if you've started nitpicking." I deflect and move back to the point at hand. "Well?"
"A cab?"
"This drunk?"
"Yeah, I could only remember your address." He looks at me a little strangely. "Am I not welcome here?" A sad look overcomes his face.
"That's not what I meant. I'm just asking why you're this drunk."
"Ah! I had a celebratory party today."
"For?" Is his project complete? Will he go back now? I don't like the thought of that.
Naruto straightens then raps his knuckle on the granite. "I…uh…opened my own bar here in Konoha. It's on the opposite side of town but you said we could become something more if we lived in the same town." He closes his eyes and takes a breath. "So here I am."
I'm shell-shocked. "You moved your entire life here to Konoha to be with me?" I summarize, staring at him.
"Something like that."
I narrow my eyes at him. "You seriously expect me to believe that?"
He shrugs. "I wouldn't be out getting drenched in the rain, if I did not want to tell you." He looks at me. "Uchiha Sasuke, will you please go out with me?"
I must be drunk on his words or his presence because I nod.
Six Months Later
Once we got to the going out part, it was smooth sailing to getting me to move in with him. I know he'd never move into the penthouse I own, so I moved in to his condo. And once we started living together it was really easy. He still runs hot and cold at times, but mostly he leans towards warm, so I think we're doing okay. But there were obstacles. His meals were an absolute mess and these days I was working on that.
I love Sasuke. I had, I have and I think I always will, but now for entirely different reasons. But I haven't said the words to him. I fear they'll spook him away for all eternity. But I want to. These days I feel like it's sitting at the tip of my tongue. Sasuke snorted at something on the screen when we were watching a film yesterday and it slipped out. He gave me a strange look and asked me to repeat but I didn't, covering it up with something else.
I want him to know that we're worth it. The forever I want. He may be difficult and picky and give me reasons to want to punch his face but he's mine.
The doorbell rings impatiently and I run across his condo to open the door, wiping my hands on a kitchen towel. I open the door and in he walks straight into my arms. He holds me tight to him and cries. "Bad day at work?" I softly run my fingers through his hair. He nods.
I move to lift him up and carry him all the way to the sofa. Seating him down on my lap, I hand him a glass of water. Once he's taken a few sips he looks at me. "I lost a patient at the table today," he looks pretty shook. I grab his hands tighter in mine and he closes his eyes and tries to compose himself. "There was a prior surgery gone wrong and by the time he reached out to me, there wasn't much I could do." His face turns unbearably sad. "It's the first time I couldn't save someone."
I hold him to me quietly, letting him cry. "It's okay, sweetheart. I'm sure you tried your best."
He quietens at length while I hold him quietly. There's a part of me that marvels at his growth. "Feel better?"
He nods, "Sorry for…uh…being like this, but right now I knew I had to see you." I hold him tight to me.
"You never have to apologize to me for something like this."
He sniffles cutely. "Thank you."
"Or say thank you." He nods. "How about you shower quickly while I heat up dinner."
"I don't feel like eating."
"And I can't send you to bed hungry. C'mon, I made you a special tomato salad along with spaghetti and meatballs."
He smiles up. "Okay."
There's a part of me that feels so much regret for ten wasted years. But our life together now is good. Initially, I was submissive to his whims outside of bed and he was submissive to my whims inside of it. But I'm changing him, I think. If he can walk up to me and let everything out then I think we're doing more than okay. If I can get him to sleep with his belly full, then we're doing more than okay.
The morning he suggested going out, I didn't think much would change. He could come over to the condo, do his thing while I did mine. We'd have sex and he'd stay, just like he always has. That didn't change, except we built a routine.
The night he suggested moving in to my place with a list of pros and cons, I wasn't much perturbed. He spent three nights and four days at my place already. He was almost already living in my place, now what would change? My house was already full of him, like a natural assortment, his things were mixed with mine. But now it wasn't three nights. Time together would grow longer and his things would increase. I didn't know the same logic would apply to my feelings, to him seeping in my bones.
The first night we slept in the same bed together, after the grand move in, I was appalled to find myself curled around him like he was my favorite heater. What can I say? I'm weak to winters and he was warm. It was alright because he let it go. But if we were to talk about what I feel for Naruto, then outside the sexual attraction I feel for him, I think he's fun to be around. We do not have a lot of common hobbies but somehow, we're doing okay. We're fitting ourselves around each other. I feel happy when I'm with him. At peace. He's no longer the high school boy I fell in love with, but he's built himself up from that same boy to a fine man. A man I like to be around. A man who is nothing and everything of the boy I idolized. A man who has crept into my very existence and woven himself into my life. A man whose face I'd like to see looking only at me, even in a crowd.
There are times when I feel like he makes me erase the lines I draw around us, before I can re-draw a new one. He's pushy, coercive and someone who doesn't know where the boundaries lie. This lack of space would have felt suffocating if it was someone else and not the man who has occupied a vast space in my head since I saw him. Ergo, why I feel more fixated on him. And then, there are times when Naruto looks at me and grins like the high schooler I loved and it throbs inside. Something squeezes my chest like a vice when he looks like that. It makes me want to say something to him. I don't know what. But his blue eyes twinkle and it's all okay.
Tonight, when he sat me down on his lap while I bawled embarrassingly like a baby, there was a part of me that felt relief. It was the part that instinctively sought Naruto. When I left the hospital, it was with the single-minded aim of getting home. And when I saw him there, the floodgates opened. Comfort, he brings me the basic comfort a human seeks from another.
If I were to say we're on the same page about everything, then I'd be lying gravely. We argue more times than naught but we come around. It turns out that apologizing to him is not all that difficult. A little, maybe. But I'm getting there. And I apologize because I fear living without him.
I am beginning to fear living without him. I've lived with memories of his for ten years and now when I'm living with him, I keep thinking of a day Naruto might grow out of it. For me, I don't think that day is coming anytime soon. But even if that day was to come, I don't think I can find companionship like this after him. Have someone move into your space and make it theirs too. Someone who's made their way to the very roots of my space.
He runs me a bath, gets me ready for bed, fucks me because he knows I need it and now we lie sated on the bed, all fresh and clean courtesy Naruto.
"If you're still sad about today, it's alright." Naruto runs his blunt nails over my shoulder on the pillow. His touch is comforting.
I manage a smile. "I'm fine," I say, genuinely touched by his concern.
"If you want to cry some more, I can lend you, my shoulder." He pats said shoulder and smiles at me.
"Can't you just lend me your shoulder for no reason?" I frown at him.
He laughs. "All of me is yours. You can borrow anything."
My head feels nice against his shoulder, his heartbeat reassuring. His collar bone slides along my ear tickling me. "Then is it okay if I borrow your heart to beat for me because I think mine beats for you."
His Adam's apple bobs when he swallows. "Sasuke, you know what this means, right?"
"Uzumaki Naruto, I think I love you."
"To think you'd say it first!" he beams at me. "Finally bastard! Finally!"
He pulls me close and kisses me. "I love you too. I have since high school."
"If that reunion hadn't happened, I wonder where we would be."
He drops a kiss on top of my head. "Thanks for coming," he kisses a trail up my jaw. "And for taking my name when you did."
I laugh, hiding my face in my hand.
The End