Chapter 19
My eternal gratitude

Kazuha didn't need too much explanation or prompting from his hostess to start speaking. Some of the words he would pronounce he had repeated several times in his head over those eight years, not knowing for sure if the day would come when he would have to pronounce them. But the day had indeed arrived; strong, forceful, and inevitable.

"When my father died, my uncle had to take the clan's leadership since I was too young to do so," he explained in a firm and solemn voice. Ayaka, still sitting right in front of him, was listening intently. "That did not prevent him from explaining to me in his own way the situation we were going through and telling me that it was my responsibility to do something to solve it. Back then, I... could only understand part of what was happening. They had already told me before that things had not been going well since my grandfather's time. And trying to recover somehow, my father got involved in several businesses that did not turn out well. I don't know if his gambling addiction came as a result of his failures, or maybe it was the other way around. Anyway, needless to say, that didn't help either. Instead, he got involved with bad people and he ended up owing large sums of money to them; even after his death..."

Kazuha lowered her eyes a little and let out a short sigh; maybe of tired, maybe of embarrassed...

"I was just a kid," he pointed out apathetically. "I did not understand at all any of those topics my uncle talked to me about, nor everything they actually involved. It is even possible that I do not fully understand it even today. And, of course, much less did I know how I could solve any of it. My only alternative was to trust my uncle and that he would do what was best for our family and me. And it was then when he managed to get your brother to consider me a viable candidate to be your husband."

Hearing that, Ayaka instinctively turned her face to the side as if she didn't want him to look directly at the emotion that had drawn on her. Was it anger? Was it sadness? She wasn't sure, but it wasn't a nice one.

"To be honest, even now, I don't know how he did it," Kazuha added right after. "And I especially don't know how he hid the real situation of our family from the Kamisato clan advisors."

Maybe he didn't know it, but Ayaka was present that day to witness her brother's anger, and she knew from that moment that he did have a theory about it. He obviously didn't share it with her back then, but Ayaka found out about it through other means.

"My brother has always believed that your uncle somehow colluded with his advisors to deliberately withhold that information from him, taking advantage of the fact that he had just become head of the clan and was not yet soaked in the entire situation of our vassal clans. Perhaps he did it through bribes, or perhaps with other types of promises in the future when the marriage took place."

"I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case," Kazuha replied with bitterness in her voice. "Anyway, all I knew at the time was that I had to impress you and your brother to accept the engagement, and so I did. Because they had convinced me that it was my responsibility as the future leader of the clan."

"But you didn't want to, did you?" Ayaka asked. And although she received no verbal response, the boy's silence was enough. "So… it was all just about the money? From the beginning…?"

"For my uncle, it was," Kazuha said quickly, looking up again as confidently as he could. "All I wanted was… to somehow fulfill my supposed duty to my family. But, Ayaka…"

Kazuha leaned his body forward, planting one of his hands on the ground for support and inching a little closer to her. Ayaka was slightly shocked to see that his gaze had turned firm and determined, very different from the sense of defeat that seemed to grip him just a moment ago.

"I swear I never knew my uncle's true intentions," he declared fervently, holding his listener's gaze. "I didn't know that he had kept our true situation from your family, nor about the loans he took out using your brother as a guarantee, or any of the dirty business he was running. I found out about all this practically at the same time as the others. But…" He was silent for a moment, but almost immediately, he continued. "In hindsight, I should have known. It was quite obvious, and I didn't see it…or didn't want to see it."

He slowly backed away, resuming his seat, crestfallen.

"You said it, Kazuha: you were just a kid," Ayaka pointed out, remaining calm. "You can't blame yourself for that."

"I've told myself that many times," Kazuha muttered with some discomfort in her voice. "But the only truth is that I was my uncle's accomplice in all this in one way or another. And just like Katsumoto said, I was just as guilty as he was for ruining my family..." He slowly raised his gaze back to Ayaka, forcing himself to face her again. "And also to ruin our friendship… and our engagement."

Ayaka felt slightly embarrassed by those words and the intense pain they conveyed to her. Again she was forced to turn her gaze elsewhere. Her fingers pressed lightly against the fabric of her skirt.

"Perhaps if I had been braver, more cunning, or more intelligent like you, I could have done something so that things didn't end the way they did," she listened as Kazuha pronounced slowly, almost as if it was more for himself than for her. "But the truth is that by the time my uncle fled, the damage was simply irreparable, especially if it was left in the hands of a business inept little boy like me. In the end, I decided to leave everything, and whatever happened had to happen. The Kaedehara clan fell, not because of the action of just one, but because of the bad decisions made by three generations before me and because I was not able to deal with it."

"If you could redo something differently... would you do it?" Ayaka whispered with slight curiosity.

"About letting my clan fall to ruin? No..." Kazuha replied slowly. "I still think it was the best I could do at the time. Although I am ashamed to say it, the truth is that after my father, uncle, and grandfather's actions, the Kaedehara clan no longer represented even a shadow of what it was before. What I could come to regret about that was how it ended up affecting others, like Katsumoto. But after what happened tonight, I understand that I can't regret the decisions and actions of others. I chose my path after what happened, and it is clear that Katsumoto and his followers did the same. However…"

There was a moment of silence and a small flash of hesitation, but calm and firmness returned to him. And holding Ayaka's gaze fully again, he added:

"If there is something that I would like to redo or change somehow, it is the damage that I could have caused you, Ayaka… or what you could have ended up believing about me after what happened."

Ayaka was slightly startled to hear him say that. Again some blush was painted on her cheeks, but this time she did not turn her face one bit to hide it.

"Because," Kazuha continued, "beyond everything I've told you, I ask you to believe me when I tell you this: although I first went to meet you because of what my uncle had told me, the truth is that was never my main reason to continue visiting you. Life at the Kaedehara Estate had become unbearable after my father's death. I quickly began to feel like a complete stranger, suffocated in my own house… But everything changed whenever I saw you. The moments we spent together those two years were by far… the happiest of my childhood. And I have always carried each of those memories engraved in my heart. And if I've been avoiding you all this time, it was out of sheer cowardice and feeling unworthy to even tell you this. And because… I thought your life would be much better without the memory of that betrayal haunting you. But now that you have given me this opportunity, I have no choice but to do this..."

Kazuha placed both hands on the ground before him and slowly leaned his entire body forward until his forehead touched the ground. Ayaka watched him, puzzled.

"I want to offer you my most sincere and profound apologies for all the pain I caused you and your family. I know that coming from a man who is now just a simple wanderer, a pitiful apology like this is worthless. But having nothing else to remedy the damage caused, I'm afraid it's the only thing I can offer you..."

The room fell silent. Kazuha remained in the same position, motionless as a statue. Ayaka watches him silently, slowly calming the incessant pounding that hammered in her chest. As soon as that conversation started, she felt very confused about what she felt hearing her old friend's explanations. But those last words, and seeing him there bowing before her with such regret crushing him… Ayaka finally had it quite clear.

It wasn't an explanation or an apology what she really wanted when she searched so hard for Kazuha. What she really wanted, the only thing she wanted… was him. See and hear him again; have her old friend once more in her life.

"Look up, Kazuha; please," Ayaka murmured slowly, not as an order but a sincere request.

Kazuha did just as she was asked, standing up again. And as his gaze rested on her, he was surprised to see her smile broadly at him. And there was no disgust or anguish in her eyes but totally opposite feelings.

Ayaka moved a little closer along the floor until she sat closer to him. Kazuha sat up straight again and faced her head-on. He was trying to focus and prepare for whatever was coming… but the intoxicating scent of flowers wafting from her distracted him again as soon as she was close to him again.

The young Kamisato then began to speak in a cautious voice:

"The truth is that in these eight years, I thought a lot about what I would say to you if one day I saw you again. There were many things I wanted to ask or claim you. Things that my brother, the time, and the pain made me believe. But as soon as I saw you tonight, all those things just slipped out of my mind. Seeing you standing there in front of me in that dojo, I didn't think about anything I thought I wanted to tell you. The only thing I thought about was how really happy I felt to find you and know you were okay..."

The smile on her thin lips widened even more, and her entire face was suffused with a radiance that Kazuha found almost blinding. But he didn't look away; his whole body refused to take his eyes off her as if he thought she might simply vanish into thin air at first distraction.

"Kazuha," Ayaka continued, "the moments I spent with you were also the happiest I've ever had, especially after the shadow over me due to my father's death and my mother's illness. And I don't forget either that you were my greatest support when she died. You were my best and my only… friend. And I have fondly carried those memories with me over the years too. And for that, what I owe you is my eternal gratitude."

And with those words pronounced, Ayaka closed her eyes and slightly inclined her body towards him, in a bow that was perhaps not as deep as the one he had made but that, given the circumstances, felt much more important.

"I don't deserve your words, Ayaka…" Kazuha muttered, a little embarrassed.

"I think totally different," answered the blue-haired girl, straightening up and opening her eyes again. "The fact that you stood here before me, and told me all this face to face, shows that you are still the noble, good and kind boy that I knew."

"You forget yesterday I ran like a coward as soon as I saw you."

"You must have your reasons for doing so," Ayaka answered in a slightly playful tone, shrugging. "But you didn't run away tonight, and that's what counts for me. You are here right now, with me..."

Kazuha was utterly speechless. There were no words in his mind that he could use to express what was going through his head and flooding his chest at that moment. His crimson eyes were absorbed in contemplation of her as if he wanted to memorize every inch of her face.

And so, as sudden and spontaneous as everything that night had happened, Kazuha was struck by clarity. The affection and gratitude he felt for the memory of the Ayaka he met years ago were not compared to what he felt right now towards the beautiful woman before him, who smiled and looked back at him with so much light radiating from her. They were the same person, of course, but at the same time, they were too different. And in a way, this whole encounter was almost like seeing her for the first time. And with just that short time they had been talking, Kazuha was hopelessly captivated. Or, he would even dare to say that he was…

"Ayaka…" he uttered suddenly with some force. He didn't even think about it; his body simply did it of its own accord, as if somehow wanting to get rid of what was stuck in his chest.

The young Kamisato jumped, a little surprised by the sudden mention that broke the slight silence they had fallen.

"Yes...?" She spoke slowly, a little unsurely.

Kazuha hesitated. His heart was pounding, and his breath had almost entirely left him. Her lips opened, but no words came out of them. What exactly did he mean? What words together could give shape to what he wanted...?

"I…" he said slowly, instinctively bringing his body closer to her. Ayaka tensed a little but remained still in her position, expectant. "Ayaka… I…"

The calm that had been perceived until that moment was broken by a sudden hustle and bustle coming from outside the room. Some shouts and especially hurried footsteps against the wooden floor of the corridor.

Kazuha's sharp instincts kicked in, and his first reflex was to grab his sword from the ground and jump up to stand protectively right in front of Ayaka. His hand rested near the hilt of his sword, ready to draw, and his eyes fixed on the door.

An instant later, before either of them could do anything else, the screaming became much clearer to both of them:

"Taromaru, no!"

"Tama, wait!"

And before the astonished looks of the two young people, the room door opened, and the small white figure of the cat Tama jumped inside, followed closely by the slightly larger one of the dog Taromaru. Both animals meowed and barked, respectively, running and chasing each other, right around them now. It didn't take long for Thoma and Tomo to appear as well, each behind one of the combatants.

Ayaka reflexively pressed herself against Kazuha's back a bit. Not out of fear, but rather not to get in the way of that persecution. From their position, she and Kazuha just watched all the sudden chaos.

After several attempts, Thoma and Tomo managed to bind both animals to opposite room corners.

"Stop, Taromaru!" Thoma exclaimed loudly and quickly took the Shiba dog tightly in his arms. It jerked and barked frantically, but Thoma managed to not let him get away. "What's wrong?! You don't behave like that!"

For his part, Tomo had taken Tama in his hands a few moments before she ran away between his legs.

"I'm very disappointed with you, Tama," he said angrily, holding the cat in both hands in front of his face. She responded with a loud, threatening snort. "Hey, don't talk to me in that tone, young lady."

One of the waitresses, who seemed to be behind them, suddenly appeared in the doorway, visibly agitated. Thoma hurried over to her along with Taromaru and passed it to her.

"Get him away from here, please," he instructed the girl, who held the canine as best she could. Once he was outside, Thoma quickly closed the door, thus trying to keep at least a barrier between them. "Taromaru never behaves this way. It seems to me that he must have sensed someone's bad intentions..."

Making such a comment, which almost seemed like an accusation, he discreetly turned in Tomo's direction.

"Hey, Tama is a good girl," the wandering samurai defended himself. "I won't let you accuse her like that."

"Who said I was talking about the cat?" Thoma muttered with some sarcasm.

Tomo, more than annoyed, seemed amused by that.

"So much paranoia," he commented into the air as he tucked Tama back into his kimono, much against her will. Once all was quiet, he turned to the two previous occupants of the room. "Excuse us, please. Did we interrupt you in the middle of something…?"

The tone in which he had asked that question confused Kazuha and Ayaka a bit. However, they both became aware almost simultaneously that Ayaka was still pressed against the boy's back, so they quickly jumped to the side, marking a suitable distance between them.

"We were just talking," Ayaka hurried to clarify.

"Of course," Tomo muttered with evident skepticism.

"Be more respectful," Thoma admonished him, though there was a hint of concern in his voice. "Is everything alright, Lady Ayaka?"

"Yes, of course," the young Kamisato answered quickly, clearing her throat a little. Then, with forced calm, she turned back to Kazuha. "Thank you for jumping like that to protect me… but it wasn't necessary. I told you this was a safe place, remember? But still… thank you for your concern."

Kazuha sighed slowly, letting out a bit of the weight he was carrying inside. Sure, if there had been any real danger, she would have jumped to her sword and defended herself without him having to intervene. And in fact, in other circumstances, he might have realized that it was just a dog and a cat chasing each other, and he wouldn't have reacted in such an exaggerated way. And yet, at the time, his body had moved on its own, without much thought.

"What were you going to tell me?" He heard Ayaka ask suddenly, drawing his attention back.

"What?"

"Before Taromaru and Tama came in, you were going to tell me something… right?" murmured Ayaka slowly, her white cheeks turning rosy again. "What was it…?"

The moment came crashing back to Kazuha, and he was almost tempted to thank the Archons for the interruption. What right did he have to say what he intended to say at that moment? He had simply gotten carried away for the moment, not thinking of the consequences his words might have on Ayaka. And that made him feel totally despondent.

Being interrupted had been for the best.

"I think we've caused too much trouble already," he muttered suddenly, standing up quickly and practically ignoring Ayaka's question. "We should go now…"

"No!" the young Kamisato uttered forcefully, also standing up. She instantly brought a hand to her mouth, embarrassed to realize she had inadvertently raised her voice too high. "I mean... it's a little late. Are you staying somewhere?"

"No," Kazuha replied, shaking his head. "As I told you, it is not recommended that we stay in the city near the Tenryou guard for a long time. So we're camping on the outskirts."

"But... you could stay here for this night if you want," Ayaka suggested quickly, taking everyone, including Thoma, by surprise. "It is a safe place, as I already mentioned. The Tenryou Commission won't bother you here. And if you haven't had dinner yet, I can also ask someone to prepare something to eat... if you want..."

Ayaka's lips pressed together slightly as she stared at Kazuha for his response. He seemed a bit stunned. Did she really not want him to leave? And, to be honest… did he want to leave?

Tomo cautiously advanced towards his friend, standing next to him.

"It would do me good not to sleep a night in the open for a change," the samurai added calmly. "And of course, also eat something hot. But you decide, friend."

That didn't sound like he had the decision, though Kazuha knew deep down that his words were sincere. And what he was doing, in part, was giving him an excuse to accept the invitation without putting all the blame on him. That was the kind of person Tomo was…

"If we don't cause you any trouble…" Kazuha muttered slowly.

"No problem at all!" Ayaka replied quickly, smiling as broadly and beamingly as before. And at that moment, Kazuha knew there was no way he would get away from her. Not for the rest of the night, at least. "Thoma," said the Heron Princess, turning to her servant, "can you ask the attendants to prepare a room for two and also something for dinner?"

Thoma seemed visibly unsure about it. But once again, it was not his place to contradict his mistress's wishes.

"Right away, my lady," the blond man replied solemnly, heading immediately for the door.

"Ah, how is Mr. Ouji?" Ayaka asked quickly before he left.

"He's not awake yet, but he's already settled in his room."

"Very well; I hope he reacts soon. Thanks, Thomas.

The young servant responded with a simple smile and a nod before leaving the room to fulfill her request.

Author's Notes:

Not too important to mention, but I wrote the entire draft of this chapter in one sitting, and now my fingers hurt. It's just that the whole scene with Ayaka and Kazuha required all of my concentration, and I couldn't get distracted. And being already in Chapter 19, in addition to closing with its pending issues, it was necessary to move things forward a bit. What did you think? I am happy with the result. The night between these two has been long but still refuses to end. In fact, do you realize that all of this has happened in just two days? Don't you feel like much more time has passed? That's crazy…