A/N: Hello! I was responsible and actually posted the chapter I said I would! I don't have much to ramble about before getting into the chapter this time, but I would like to say, once again, thank you to everyone for taking the time to read this story. It's sort of ballooned into something a lot bigger than I ever originally intended, but I've grown attached to it, and I hope the characters and story have grown on you as well. Anyway, leave a review if you're so inclined, and as always, enjoy!

Chapter 35: The Price of Responsibility

The fading light of the teleportation flash was different. It lingered, and wherever he was reflected it back at the former infantryman.

Blinking away the spots swimming through his vision, Nate began studying the target location. It was a large, half collapsed room with crumbling stands, shelves, and counters that made it seem like this was some sort of grocery store about 200 years ago. Some items were still on the shelves- some sort of food maybe? He couldn't tell, the packages were too far degraded. The ceiling a dozen feet above him was intact apart from the light fixtures that were now scattered in pieces across the floor. All in all, it seemed like a good insertion point.

Surrounding him, a half dozen Coursers were gathering their bearings as well, swinging their weapons, those gauss rifles as Jackson called them, around the room. It was odd to see the Institute hunters dressed in anything but their customary long black armored jackets. Each of them was carrying a large backpack and on the ground between them were three three foot square boxes with lifting equipment. Everything they'd need to gather their supplies. Hopefully.

A few seconds later, another Synth appeared in front of them, as if melting out of the long neglected storefront's shadows. How Damon managed to track one of them down when they had that kind of technology was beyond Nate.

"The area is clear for now", the squat, light skinned Courser said. He motioned toward the front of the store, his new brown jacket rustling uncomfortably loud as he did. "Please follow us quickly. We have heard gunshots nearby, and an explosion that may have been one of the Supermutant suicide bombers."

Suicide bombers?

That wasn't the time for wondering and speculation. They needed to be in and out.

"Lead the way."

X6-88, apparently his appointed guardian, stepped to Nate's side as the recon squad member X5-15, he recalled, slipped toward the dark street outside. Night vision wouldn't go amiss here. That and a suit of power armor.

And the SPARTAN.

Focus.

Yes. Focus. The infantryman pulled the laser rifle he was carrying into his shoulder, scanning the street outside, pushing the thoughts of Damon and the ambush from his mind.

"The street is clear", the lead Synth whispered and they stepped through the broken, crumbling face of the store into the night.

It had been a while since he was in this part of the city- before the bombs fell that is. Nate took a moment to orient himself and imagined a map of the area. Looking up at the half collapsed skyline, he tried to position them relative to any landmarks he could recognize…

Okay- this is good.

From the looks of it, they'd inserted about a quarter mile from the factory. Maybe that was a sign of good things to come? Nate almost laughed. A promising start to any op meant a shitstorm was waiting for them down the line.

The ex-soldier glanced back to see the others jumping their gear, following closely behind.

"We're good."

"Understood", the recon squad member replied in that still disconcerting, robotic voice.

He repeated the instructions and, after a moment, waved for them to follow. Their reconnaissance forces would scout ahead of them, unburdened by the packs and containers, to clear the area.

After taking a deep breath of the crisp, unfiltered air, Nate started after the lead Synth. The rest of the Coursers spread out along the west side of the street. It was almost impossible to avoid making any noise with the amount of rubble and debris strewn across the sidewalk, but they all did well enough.

Despite trying the ex-soldier's damndest to push himself back into the insulated sphere that managed to keep him calm through countless firefights, Nate felt his heart begin pounding as the darkness and silence wrapped themselves around the small group like a thick, smothering shroud.

It was nothing new to the ex-soldier. No matter how much he lied to himself, and other people did the same, this was the worst part of any operation. They were sneaking through a dead city, an unclearable number of firing positions in the crumbling buildings around them. Shooters could be watching from any number of those broken windows, and they wouldn't know it until someone got shot.

This is where he missed having the SPARTAN around. Twice during their ill-fated escapade through the city for Kleo, Damon, somehow, sniffed out ambushes. He may not have stopped Nate from being shot at the second one, but it was his sixth sense for finding enemy positions, and his inhumanly fast reactions, that kept the two of them alive.

These Coursers were, supposedly, good, but they didn't have the armored titan's experience or instincts. They also couldn't have cleared half the buildings around them if they had a week.

Distant gunfire sounded somewhere to their south, but it was nowhere near them.

Even so, Nate felt adrenaline tease into his bloodstream. The itchy, restless energy crept its way into his arms and he subtly shook them out dispel the discomfort. He hated being the jumpy one.

Their plodding journey continued into the night. It wasn't a long one, but it felt like the walk dragged on far longer than the five minutes it should to get there. It was nerves and Nate knew it. He was nervous, and uncomfortable, in the middle of hostile territory with no one he trusted. That's what he signed up for though, and he'd need to deal with it.

The dead, decrepit city he had called home his entire life didn't do his discomfort any favors. Walking through a post-apocalyptic facsimile of his city had been hard the first time. It hadn't gotten any easier.

Reaching the corner onto the street where their target lay, the small group came to a stop. They were, undoubtedly waiting for a report from the recon squad. It didn't take more than a few seconds before the lead Synth waved the rest of them forward.

As they crept around the broken structure in front of them, Nate spotted their query: a large machine shop set between a half collapsed tower, and an even larger factory. Kleo had said the processing center was for… fish maybe? The ex-soldier didn't remember, but it didn't matter. For now the only concern was gathering what they could as quickly as possible.

Despite his misgivings, the short journey down the rubble strewn street happened without incident. The non-descript front face of the building was mostly intact, but the entrance hung ajar, edge of the steel door glowing from whatever they'd used to cut through it.

"It's secure", the recon squad member whispered.

Nate nodded. "Let's move."

Entering the machine shop, the ex-soldier found himself thrust into darkness. It wasn't until he heard the door clang shut he pulled one of his chemical light sticks out of a pocket and cracked it into life. It's sickly green illumination spilled across the interior of the factory, and he found himself looking at a collection of workstations that, surprisingly, looked largely untouched.

A spark of excitement flitted through his stomach as he scanned the interior. Everything from a simple, manual lathe to CNC machining equipment and several, larger apparatuses he didn't recognize were set in organized rows throughout the shop. Most of them even had their tools still set on carts or, he assumed, in the rusting toolboxes nearby. They had to cut the lock off the door to get inside, and looking around at the thick, undisturbed layer of dust across everything, they were the first people inside the building in a very long time.

It made an odd sort of sense: most people wouldn't be able to make use of the equipment here, and even if they could, the building hadn't had any markings on the outside. Considering how dangerous this area was supposed to be, it probably wasn't worth it to scavenge.

Unless you had prior knowledge about it.

"Start packing", Nate whispered to the Coursers around him.

The Synths around him exploded into action. He didn't need to direct them; Dr. Li uploaded the items they needed and their schematics before they'd left. Instead, he made himself useful and began helping X6-88 remove tooling from one of the CNC machines. He was no expert, but it looked like the equipment they were working with was used to produce barrels.

Excitement had replaced his discomfort at this point. It seemed like the target was a good one, and with the disassembly of their piece, he and 88 stowed the fixtures and tools in one of the large crates and began packing some of the hand tools into Nate's backpack. The other Synths were similarly occupied, moving equipment or packing their findings. The recon squad was still on watch, so if anything did-

"We have a contact", one of the Coursers said. Nate turned to see the one who had broken off of the recon squad slipping toward him.

The ex-soldier groaned. My thoughts must be cursed now too.

"Details."

Their response was delayed a moment, probably collecting information from the Synths on watch.

"It appears to be several people, they are armed, and heading this way."

Nate's stomach did a flip. "Do we know if they're coming to this building?" If they were, he needed to intercept them before they got there.

"Unclear at this time."

Dammit. "Do we know how long it will be before everything we need is packed?"

"At least five more minutes."

At least that was some good news. Five minutes isn't long to hold a position as defensible as this, especially since they didn't need to go anywhere to extract.

"What would you like to do?" The Courser asked after several seconds of relative silence.

What I came along to do. "Stay hidden and hold your fire."

Still cursing his habit of jinxing missions, (why had he thought about that?) the infantryman stalked toward the front of the factory, X6-88 beside him.

"What is your intention?" the Synth asked.

"Talk."

"I must advise against this course of action. Placing yourself in danger is not the optimal solution for this situation."

Nate glanced at the Courser. "An optimal solution would be to never have been found. I'm not dumb enough to go out into the street if that's your concern."

"It was."

Of course it was. "Good", he said with a nod. "Then there's nothing for you to worry about.

As they reached the front door, Nate turned back to X6-88 and asked. "Where are they now?"

A short conversation with one of the Coursers on watch later, he said, "Nearing the front of the factory."

"So we're sure they're coming here now."

"Affirmative."

The butterflies that had been flitting around the ex-soldier's stomach since landing back in the city were still there. He hated himself for it. 16 years serving, most of the time in urban combat zones, and now he's nervous? What the hell is that?

There was no time to focus on that now. "Give me some space."

88 hesitated a moment before creeping away, staying close enough to maintain sightlines on the door, but far enough they wouldn't both be caught by gunfire.

Deep breath in.

Slowly push out.

Deep breath in.

Slowly push out.

Uneasiness still frayed the edges of his nerves.

Nate banged twice on the door and shouted. "Whoever's outside, we don't want any trouble, we're just here for some supplies."

Under most circumstances, this was a really dumb idea. They were trying to be quiet and maintain as small of a presence as possible. Pounding on metal and shouting is a great way to ring the dinner bell. The difference here is they'd already been spotted, and they were almost done. Maybe if they actually had to leave the factory to get back to the Institute, he would have approached it differently, but being able to teleport had its perks.

Scrambling from the street beyond made its way through the thin steel walls of the shop. The ex-soldier's legs coiled as he prepared to throw himself to the ground. Anything larger than a .22 would go straight through, and for as much as he wanted to help, and wanted to keep anyone who stumbled across them alive, he wasn't trusting them.

And he didn't want to take another bullet.

"Who's in there!" someone yelled back.

"Just some people looking for a few things. We'll be out of your hair in a few minutes."

"Oh yeah? What are you lookin' for?" The voice was scratchy, way too scratchy. It reminded Nate of… what was his name? The 'mayor' of Goodneighbor-

John Hancock.

The ex-soldier smiled. At least someone had a sense of humor. He'd been a Ghoul. One of the regular ones. Is that what this guy was?

"Equipment to make a few things we need, nothing to write home about."

"Is that why you're sneakin' around in the middle of the night to get it?"

Why was this guy so curious? "What's it to you? This place has been around for a while. We aren't here to fight so please just let us gather what we need and go."

"So it isn't just some random odds and ends, which means it's valuable."

…Shit. Whoever this guy was, he's more concerned with money than fighting. Why did he always have to get the fun ones?

"Sir, I said we don't want to fight, not that we can't. I think both of us will be a lot happier if everyone goes back home with the same holes they came here with. Whatever you think you can get from the equipment in here, it isn't worth someone's life."

"If that's the case, why are you willin' to die for it?"

I'm not. That's why a dozen Coursers are here with me. "It's more important to me than something to sell. Plus, you don't even know what's in here."

"I know it's important enough for you to risk your life comin' to a place like this. That's good enough for-"

BANG!

A gunshot exploded into the night and Nate's heart tried to leap from his chest as he dove away from the door.

What felt like an instant later, a barrage of others rained down from somewhere outside, followed by shouts of panic and rage.

Who the hell fired? The ex-soldier turned to X6-88, fury mounting. There was still-

It wasn't one of the Coursers. That had been a conventional firearm. They were all carrying laser weapons or gauss rifles. Whoever was out there shooting, it wasn't them.

"Do we know what that is?" he asked, scrambling toward the back of the factory, and better cover.

"Negative", the Synth shouted over the battle outside. "It is coming from the north, but the units on watch do not have a visual."

They made it back to the main effort where half of the Coursers were collecting the equipment in a pile on the floor, and the other half were taking positions for a potential fight.

"Are we done here?"

"Three more minutes."

Of course.

The ex-soldier retreated toward the rear of the factory, taking cover behind what might have been a CNC mill at one point.

"We're here for this equipment. That's all. Z0-54."

"Yes sir", came the monotonous, emotionless response.

"Have the recon squad stay on watch. I want to know what's attacking them." It wasn't Brotherhood, so who else decided to try their luck? Another group in the area? It seemed unlikely considering the brash approach. These people seemed to think they owned the place. Maybe someone was trying to muscle in on their territory. Awfully bold way of doing it.

"Understood."

Sounds of the gunfight continued reverberating through the factory while the half dozen Coursers who were still collecting material hurried to complete their tasks. They were, by all accounts including Damon's, very good fighters, so he had little doubt they could win whatever battle was happening outside. The last thing they needed right now though was another reason for the people in the Commonwealth to come after them.

As the last of their take was collected, the gunfire began petering out. Nate couldn't tell who was winning, but it was about time for them to bug out.

"Sir", Z0-54 called, "it is Supermutants."

Nate's gut clenched and his hands tightened around his laser rifle.

Supermutants. The last time he'd been face to face with one, he'd lost it and blown the damn thing's head off. He hadn't seen what they'd done in the West Everett Estates where Cass, Thomas, and Julian were, but he'd heard enough.

"Are they going to win?"

"It appears that way."

The ex-soldier chewed on his lower lip. He wanted to order the recon squad to open up on those green skinned motherfuckers, to blow them back to whatever hellhole they came from.

Then he remembered that hellhole, at least for some of them, was the Institute. The FEV lab. The thing where everything started to go wrong.

Where he refused to acknowledge his son was authorizing experiments on innocent people.

Not the time. Nate shook his head. They were here for the equipment, and that's it.

"Are we ready to exfil?"

There was a brief pause before X6-88 called back, "affirmative."

"Let's get the hell out of here then."

An instant later, the blinding flash of the Molecular Relay enveloped him and in the next instant, Nate was crouching in one of the teleportation rooms.

It was a… dizzying experience yet again, to go from being a few feet away from a firefight, to the complete safety of the Institute. Instead of the decrepit remains of a pre-war factory, he was beside his self-appointed escort surrounded by new, glistening machinery. The feeling was the same as when they returned from the assault on Cambridge; his body was expecting a fight, prepared for a fight.

But there was none to be had. No more bullets flying, no more imminent danger, no more threats. His body didn't know that though. Adrenaline was still pumping, his hands still shook ever so slightly, and he could feel his heart beating its way out of his chest. How the hell was he supposed to get used to that.

The two of them rushed from the platform as more flashes of light erupted from the other relays and more Coursers, and equipment, piled in. It wasn't more than 20 seconds before the room was full to the point of discomfort.

Nate weaved his way through the crowd of Coursers depositing their haul before pulling more from the small bays. A dozen technicians were waiting for the last of the supplies to be recovered before they'd whisk it off to the ARD. The ex-soldier would be lying if he said he wasn't excited. They'd, hopefully, gathered the supplies they needed and would have a more effective way to fight the Brotherhood.

That was one step closer to figuring out what the hell is actually going on here. Sure this may help the Institute, but that also meant Nate was staying safe and alive. For now.

Finally extracting himself from the throng of bodies, the infantryman found his way into one of the adjoining halls and took a deep breath. He leaned against one of the steel walls and bent over to grab his knees. The queasy, itchy feeling in his arms was worse than ever, and they were trembling along with his legs. Nate hadn't been that nervous about a gunfight in a long time. One he hadn't even been involved in. His chest felt like it was being crushed, and breathing was labored and tight. His mind flashed back to the Supermutants he and Damon had attacked. How the SPARTAN ripped through them so fast, Nate had barely managed to empty half a magazine before the fight was over. How he completely lost control once he was face to face with one. How-

Stop.

Breathe.

Deep breath in.

Slowly push out.

"What happened?" Jackson's voice came from behind him.

If it had been a decade earlier, Nate might have been embarrassed about someone sneaking up on him in his present state. That type of bravado was for people who didn't have better things to worry about.

"We-" the ex-soldier started, words shaky. He took another deep breath to calm himself. Or at least try. "We were found by a group that lives in the area, but Supermutants attacked them." Another deep breath. "Damon… wasn't the only one that had issues with those giant bastards." He looked at the technician. "What about you?"

Jackson stiffened. "The production facilities are set to receive the equipment you recovered. I'm sure Dr. Li will want to meet with us about the implications once things are sorted." His voice was even more wooden than his posture.

Despite fighting with his own body, Nate couldn't help but roll his eyes. I'm not that stupid.

"We were talking about the weapons, Jackson."

The dark skinned man eyed him suspiciously. "Uh huh."

Whatever they're up to, it must be very sensitive if he's this nervous about it.

Nate pushed himself away from the wall and turned to face the SRD tech. "I'm sure we'll have a conversation about how this turned out tomorrow morning, but for now, I need to take a few minutes to decompress."

"No debrief this time?"

"Not one I'll be involved in", he said, shaking his head. "Feel free to run it in my place."

With that, he stepped past Jackson and began toward the elevator. They'd have to change how these exfils went, this wasn't a habit he wanted to adopt.

The shower wasn't as refreshing this time and, as he collapsed into his bed once again, Nate already knew why. Unease continued tugging at his stomach thinking about the fact Supermutants had moved that far into the city. The ex-soldier hadn't exactly been in a stable state of mind during the interrogation, but that Supermutant Damon tortured said something about them capturing territory. If they did, en masse, that would complicate things on the fighting side, and at the same time… a shiver ran down his spine as he thought about the implications for the citizens living in the ruins of his city.

It would mean more victims, like the kids. He couldn't imagine that, working the fields on their farm one moment, and the next being swarmed by those massive, disfigured monsters. Hearing the screams, breaking bones, and tearing meat as they butchered their victims, waiting for your turn to be slaughtered. Little wonder the three of them attached themselves to the SPARTAN after he saved them from that. Even if he was… not the most inviting character.

Another tidal wave of guilt crashed into him. How had he been so blind? How could he have even considered putting them in harm's way to wipe out the Railroad? How could he have asked Damon to destroy another home of theirs? It was little wonder the titan attacked him instead.

Nate buried his face in his pillow. Goddammit! How could I be so stupid?

Now they were in the wind, and he'd probably never have the opportunity to make things up to them. At least not personally. Hell it wasn't like he deserved that chance anyway.

Rolling on to his back, the ex-soldier stared up at the steel ceiling, untidy mess he once called a mind throwing everything it could at him.

All of it was noise though. The only thing that mattered was doing what he could to figure out what the plan was, and stop it.

But that would never rid him of the guilt rooted deep inside. Just like the opportunity to mend his relationship with Cass and Thomas, he didn't deserve that. What he'd done was unforgivable, and that was going to be with him for however long he had to suffer this hellhole that had once been Earth.

The infantryman's eyes drifted shut as his mental and physical exhaustion took over. Tomorrow would be another chance to get closer to his goal. Whatever Li and Jackson were up to, he'd at least get an introduction to it in the morning. And hey, they might have some weapons they can fight the Brotherhood with soon, so that was a win too.

Those were the types of wins he was good at getting. He made a career out of it after all.

X

The next morning, Nate was awake and out of his room early. He stopped by the Commons to pick up a tray of food once again and began toward Li's office. He wasn't just eager to find out what was going on, it was the only thing he could think about. Whatever they were doing, they were desperate to keep it secret from the rest of the Institute's leadership. That meant they didn't have the same priorities, and those priorities were actively opposed to the others. Considering it would be difficult for them to be any worse than what it seemed his son wanted, that was something that had Nate's interest.

Knocking on the sliding steel door, it whispered open to admit the infantryman to Dr. Li's office. As with the prior visit, Jackson was already there, sitting at the desk waiting for him. This time, however, the SRD technician seemed to be much better controlled. He watched Nate approach with a calculating gaze and, as the ex-soldier set the tray of fruits and rolls on the desk, remained silent.

Once Nate sat in the other chair, Madison cleared her throat. "I believe it is time we provide you with answers, considering what you've done for us." She opened a drawer and pulled a small cartridge out. "This was found in the Molecular Relay's data storage. It has a program specifically created to mimic the encryption codes of a Courser, specifically X6-57, and a pre-programmed set of coordinates. No one thought to look for it until Damon told me about Dr. Virgil's escape."

The ex-soldier remembered something about how the scientist had escaped, how he had to upload a program directly to the servers.

"You didn't use the distraction just for that", Nate said.

"No", the ARD leader replied, shaking her head. "However it is something I am familiar with because I've used it before."

She's used it before? What the hell did that mean? She's had to trick their teleportation system to beam something to the surface?

"You had to fake out the Molecular Relay? Why?"

"Because", Jackson answered for her, "we have had to use it to transport… things without the others knowing."

Nate almost groaned. Why do these types always have to build up dramatic reveals. "I don't like playing these sorts of word games, you had to sneak things out of the Institute. It had to be done in a way no one would be able to track unless they knew exactly what they were looking for. That's why you were able to find Virgil's program. The only things you would need to do that for are supplies or-"

… No way. The ex-soldier's mind began racing and he felt his mouth fall open. The Railroad- their mission, their technology, the knowledge, the only way they would have access to those things is if they had help from inside the Institute. Li clearly isn't the original contact, but if she's an outsider, and the one running it now…

"Synths", Nate breathed. "You're the one who has been smuggling Synths out of the Institute."

The realization hit him like a freight train. Why they wanted Damon's help, why they need windows to move without detection, why they might be willing to trust him now. They've been working with the Railroad to get the Synths out of the Institute.

"Holy shit."

"Yes", Li said with a curt nod. "We are. There are others who share in the sentiment Synths are treated more like slaves than sentient individuals. I am aware you contacted Nick Valentine to track down Kellogg. You know just how… alive Synths can be."

"I am but…" The ex-soldier stared at the division leader, wide eyed. This wasn't what he was expecting. He didn't know what would happen but this… this isn't it. There were so many implications- so many different variables that come into play now. "This is-" A sudden sense of elation hit him and a smile slowly spread across his face. "This means I have a chance to help the Railroad."

Nate saw Jackson eyeing him out of his periphery.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean after what happened, after what I did, I get the chance to help them, to do something good. I've- the two kids with them, I betrayed them too." The night before he'd been thinking he'd never get this chance. The ex-soldier still knew nothing he could do would ever make up for what happened, but that didn't matter. What matters is he can help.

"What do you need me to do?"

"Slow down Nate", Dr. Li said, "this is a very delicate operation that has been carefully planned over decades. This is not something you can dive into. The reason I'm telling you this is because you can offer invaluable assistance, but in an extremely specific way."

"The war. You want me to give you more opportunities with the war."

She nodded. "In part, yes. However, your value extends beyond this war effort. You have Father's ear, even if his consideration of you is tenuous at best. I believe you are in the best position possible to effect change in the long run." The doctor held up a hand before Nate could say anything. "I understand you have questions, and the opportunities here are exciting, but this has to be done correctly. We can't waste the efforts of everyone who has fought, and many died, to establish this network. You know what you're fighting for now, though, and that is a good place to start."

Li was right, Nate did have questions. Dozens of them careening around his mind so quickly he barely had time to grab one before another came barreling to the forefront. There were just so many things he wanted to know, so many possibilities and even more reason to figure out what Shaun's plans are. But she was also right about needing to take this slow. If he tries to dive into their operations without knowing how it all works, he would inevitably screw something up, and burn it all to the ground.

"Right", the ex-soldier said, "you're right." He looked from Li to Jackson and back. "That being said, I'm not going to be a blind partner. Whatever I'm in on, I'm in all the way."

A brief silence filled the office as the two Institute scientists exchanged a glance, something passing between them. It was impossible for Nate to tell what it was, but they'd let him know this much, if he was there to put them in the ground, all he had to do was take what he knew to Shaun.

"You understand how this complicates your position, right", Dr. Li asked. "You'll be working very closely with Ayo and Father on the war effort along with this. You can't slip up."

Nate nodded. "I'll be fine. We all know I'm good at misleading people." That didn't come out how he wanted it to, but it was the truth. He had a lifetime of practice lying to himself anyway. Lying to other people? Well that's easy.

"I don't think that's as comforting as you want it to be", Jackson said.

"Well it's too late now", the ex-soldier responded with a sickly smile, "you've already let the cat out of the bag." His expression went deadly serious. "This isn't about how any of us feel, it's about doing the right thing. That being said, I have a few questions I am going to ask before agreeing to anything."

Madison squinted. "Such as?"

"Well… you want to free Synths from the Institute, but up in the Commonwealth they're the boogieman. I can't tell you how many times I heard someone fear mongering about them. Hell, the first time I was in Diamond City, one woman refused to sell to us because we might be Synths. How is what people want to do to them up there better than how they're treated here?"

"That's-" the ARD leader paused, frowning. "That's a pretty long story."

Mockingly checking the screen on his Pipboy Nate grunted. "My schedule looks pretty free today."

That got a smile out of Li. "Fair enough."

The more the pair talked, the more questions Nate asked, the worse and worse the pit in his stomach opened until it was a yawning chasm.

Damon thought the FEV was bad… that was the beginning of their Synth experiments. They used the third generation constructs like test subjects. From what Li told him, the gen threes were almost identical to humans, outside of a few additions the Institute made. That meant they were prime study material: readily available, customizable, and programmable. The Institute used them for everything from live medical trials, to experimental studies.

Like what different levels of radiation does to the human body.

On top of that, the Institute essentially used them as slave labor. As they said before, many of the techs in the Institute are Synths. They're worked hard, all day every day. They're used without consideration for what happens to them, and for all intents and purposes, according to Jackson who worked with the programming and development team, they're human. The goal was to make them as human-like as possible; they can feel pain, they have emotions- they're scared.

It put how Li treated the people in her division in an entirely new light.

"Yes", Madison said, "they're grown, not born, and many have mechanical components surgically implanted, but they're people all the same. Doesn't matter what is done to them."

"Why are they treated more like things than people then?"

"Because that's how 'we' think of them", Jackson replied, biting off the end of each word. "They're supposed to be objects, tools, means to an end."

"The original goal was to create the next step of mankind's evolution, and in a sense we've succeeded." The older woman cleared her throat. "But somewhere along the way, I think the message got lost."

The ex-soldier… it was difficult to hear. How could someone decide to treat the Synths like that? Hell, he hadn't even know who was Synth and who wasn't. The guards, which were second generation models, apparently, were more obvious, but then his mind flashed back to Valentine. Nick might have looked like a circus horror prop, but he acted like any other human.

"What about the Coursers? They don't seem very… human."

Li didn't answer, instead turning to the SRD technician. He had his eyes on the steel floor between his feet.

"That's because we reprogram them to be that way." Jackson looked up to meet the infantryman's gaze. "They aren't supposed to be human. They're hunters, and weapons, meant to track down escaped Synths and eliminate any obstacles in their way. Now- well now they're going to be more than that I guess."

"And weapons don't need things like emotions."

The dark skinned man shook his head. "They're programmed to make the most logical, expedient decision given a set of circumstances. Getting emotional can hamper that ability."

"Ah."

Quiet settled back over the office as Nate considered the implications of what they'd told him. Why they were so desperate to get the Synths away from the Institute.

How could Shaun let all of this happen? … Or how could he order any of it to happen? His son had been there for 60 years, and at least a significant portion of that was in a leadership position.

"What was Shaun before he became the Institute's leader- before he became Father?"

"He's been the head of the Institute for 15 years now", Jackson replied, "before that he was the Advanced Research Division leader. Prior to that he headed the gen three development project."

"So… he's been involved in the production and use of the Synths for more than 20 years?"

The scientist nodded. "30."

A lump in Nate's throat joined the pit in his stomach. "Does- does that mean he's the one who's responsible for how Synths are used?"

"I don't know the answer to that, Nate. I'm sorry. I'm sure I don't have to tell you there's always pressure from the people around and above you to make sacrifices for the Institute and its goals. That's how we're all brought up, and how we're all educated."

Nate cleared his throat, trying to make some room around the growing boulder trying to suffocate him. "But that means the people who are promoted are the ones who do that the most, who get the best results. If Shaun is as- as ruthless as it seems…" How his own son manipulated him, used him to ambush Damon came to mind. "Did he do all of this on his own?"

"Slow down", Madison said, an apologetic frown spreading across her face. "I know where you're going with this. I wasn't involved in all of them, but there were several discussions about you and your role here over the last few months. And I know Shaun well enough to know he wasn't lying about his feelings for Nora."

"That doesn't matter though, does it?" The ex-soldier's jaw tightened. "If anything it only makes things worse. He decided to do that, to use Nora, and how I reacted to manipulate me into- into betraying Damon." His head fell into his hands. "What has he become? What have I let happen to him?"

Damon's words rang through his head again. "You're in bed with a monster. More of a monster than I've ever been. All because your son is the head of that monster." They SPARTAN had been right. Again. He'd been able to recognize the danger when Nate couldn't. He'd even tried to warn him, in his own infuriating way, despite what the ex-soldier had done and said. Shaun had become a monster and-

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "Nate, you can't do this to yourself", Jackson said. "We're giving you the worst perspective possible here, but for as much bad as he does, your son has also done a lot of good. The Institute, and the people here have flourished under his leadership."

"Does that excuse it though?" the father whispered.

"Absolutely not, which is why we're here, doing what we can to mitigate it. You can help us do more though." His head shot out of his hands as he lifted his eyes to meet the SRD technician's. He gave Nate a nod. "You have his ear, and you're in a position he isn't used to. You aren't an authority figure to him, you're an emotional connection. That isn't something, as far as I'm aware, he's ever had. We can make things better, we just have to play things right."

And now Nate's chest twisted into a deep, painful knot. "What do you mean he's never had an emotional connection?"

Jackson blinked slowly, the ghost of a smile flitting across his face. It looked incredibly sad. "I don't know everything, but after he was used as the foundation for the third generation Synths, he was groomed from a young age to become a scientist on the project. That's how he became attached to it, and jumped to higher and higher positions. The leadership before him didn't just want his DNA to underpin the project, they wanted him to be its driving force."

How- how could that be? How could someone do that? Rip a toddler from his mother's arms, experiment on him, then- then force him to work on the very project he was kidnapped for? More than that, make it his only reason for living.

And that happened to Shaun. His son.

"So- so he's been alone this entire time? His entire life?" The ex-soldier's eyes were wet with tears. His mind flashed back to just before the bombs fell, standing in the nursery, over his crib spinning the mobile for him. Even that young, the wonder and life in his son's eyes was so… Nate could stare into them for hours, lost in their incredible depth.

"I don't think-"

"Yes", Dr. Li interrupted. "He was. But he has you now."

The ex-soldier turned to the other scientist. The muscles in his neck felt like they were made of stone.

"What do you mean?"

"This is an opportunity for you to change things around here, yes, but it's also a chance for you to give Shaun someone to finally connect with. Even if it's at the end." There was something in her tone- pain. A deep seated pain.

"Do you think I can help him? After all this time?"

She gave a small, sharp shrug. "I don't know, but you have to try. Even if you don't do it for him, changing how we do things will help countless Synths, and maybe even people in the Commonwealth above."

Nate rubbed the tears out of his eyes and cleared his throat. Maybe he owed Shaun too. He hadn't been there for him. Couldn't have been there for him. He was trapped in that goddamn cryogenic chamber while Kellogg took him and killed Nora. He couldn't be the father he'd always wanted to be.

It was too late now. But if he could do something to make the end of his life a little better, and make the change Damon had been so convinced he wouldn't be able to pull off happen-

Just as much as figuring out why Shaun had wanted him at the Institute in the first place, that would be a goal to give everything for.

I guess I have some large shoes to fill, he thought as he pulled his hands down and met Dr. Li's gaze once again.

"I want to help."

She nodded. "I thought you would. It's good to have you on board, officially." The scientist smiled. "Before we go any further, we need to talk a little logistics."

As much as Nate tried to pay attention, the rest of the conversation passed in a blur. It was one thing for them to say he had an opportunity here, but the idea that his son had spent his entire life alone… that he never had a life beyond the Institute and the third generation Synth project… how could he let that happen?

Intellectually, the ex-soldier knew the answer: there was nothing he could have done to save either of them. But that didn't matter. He'd been right there- he'd watched it happen.

And the horrors Shaun had been through, the things he had to do to achieve his goals, what he had to rationalize to do what he did, it turned him into a monster. Is that something what little time they had left could fix? Especially when they'd be fighting a war against the Brotherhood while Nate was essentially stabbing him in the back.

Dammit.

Dammit.

Dammit.

DAMMIT.

Why did this happen? What had he, Nora, or Shaun done to deserve any of this? Hadn't Nate paid his dues? Given up enough?

"Nate, I think you should take some time", Li's voice broke through the torrent of thoughts swirling through his mind. "I should have figured this information would be… difficult for you to process." She stood from her desk and motioned for the two men to do the same. "It was insensitive of me to continue this conversation after forcing this on you. I would recommend not attending the meeting scheduled for this afternoon. We can handle it."

The ex-soldier stood alongside Jackson, bewildered mind still struggling to take in everything he'd been told. "But they'll be suspicious if I don't."

She nodded. "Yes, but suspicion is better than accidentally letting something slip in your current state of mind. If necessary, you can take your time in the labs or firing range. It would make for a reasonable alibi."

"I don't-" he was going to say he didn't need time, but that was a lie. He did, and badly. From coming to the Institute, to seeing Shaun wasn't a toddler, or even a 10 year old boy, but a 60 year old man, to finding out he's dying, and now coming to the realization he's been turned into a monster. Everything was wrong, everything was out of place.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Li shook her head sadly. "I can't help you with that. We've all suffered loss, but what you've been subjected to… I can't imagine what it must be like." She shared a short glance with Jackson before meeting his searching gaze again. "We're here whenever you need us though. I know you haven't had many people to trust recently, so I promise I will never lie to you. For as much as that's worth."

"Agreed", Jackson said with a nod.

Looking back and forth between the two scientists, Nate wasn't sure what to think. They wouldn't lie to him? Everyone lied to him, even his own son. The only ones who didn't were gone.

The only person he could trust in this post-apocalyptic hellhole was dead, and it was his fault. How could he believe what they said?

"You're right", the father said, his voice so thick it was almost unintelligible, even to him, "I need some time."

"Take it. We'll be available any time you need something."

Nate nodded absently and turned to leave the office. As he wandered back through the Advanced Research Division, the only thing he could think about was how easy it would be to pack it in. The only thing he had left was making up mistakes to people who were either dead, dying, or didn't trust him anymore. What kind of life was that? Yes, he was holding on because he owed Nora and Damon answers for why they were dead, but then what?

Help the Synths here. Do what I told Damon I would: make things better, no matter how little I change them, if they're better than they were before I came here, that's a win.

It was a nice thought, but it didn't do much in the face of the horror and pain gnawing at every fiber of his being.

The ex-soldier made his way to the Commons to gather more food. He didn't know what time it was, or how long he'd been in Dr. Li's office, but he was hungry again.

And he couldn't think of anything else to do but eat. Exercise seemed useless, and the last thing he wanted to do was be around other people, especially the people here. Especially people who think so little of anyone not in their exclusive little club.

My son is at the center of that.

After taking another tray of food, Nate was just about to sit down at one of the small tables when the din of the main hub finally punched through the torrent of swirling thoughts. He looked around to find dozens of people meandering through the Commons. None were paying him much attention, but talking with someone, or the risk of someone talking with him- being here was probably not a great idea.

How many of these people are Synths?

He couldn't tell. According to Jackson and Li, there would be no way to tell. Of course there were the guards dressed in their strange, white armor, but the third generation Synths… hell half the people there could be the 'artificial humans'.

Heaving a breath, he began back toward his room once more, a place he felt he spent entirely too much time. What else was there to do at this point? Li was right: going to the planning meeting would be a terrible idea.

So a few minutes later, Nate slid the door to his apartment shut, isolating himself from the already insulated world he found himself in.

It was silent.

The ex-soldier set his tray down on the table and dropped into one of the chairs.

Silence wasn't the problem, he'd grown accustomed to silence since waking up in this hellscape. Aside from regularly traveling through potentially hostile territories, he'd spent most of his time around Damon. The SPARTAN had grown more talkative during their time together, but he was still a horrible conversationalist.

Even so, the armored titan's presence had a weight that seemed to tilt the entire world toward him. It was something that had been missing since the ambush, but it felt pronounced now more than ever. Even more than when he woke up in the infirmary afterward.

What Jackson said about the Coursers came to mind again as Nate began eating: "They aren't supposed to be human. They're hunters, and weapons, meant to track down escaped Synths and eliminate any obstacles in their way."

Aside from the part about hunting Synths, that could describe Damon to a T. Or at least it would to anyone who didn't know him.

It didn't take a genius to see what Nate said and did hurt him, bad. That might be what pained Nate the most.

"WE? WE? Who the fuck is we? All you've ever done is stand to the side while I did the killing- while I was covered in blood. That's all anyone has ever done; sit back and watch me do their killing. I'm done doing it because I'm supposed to be a weapon."

The titan was angry, furious, but it wasn't the only thing in his voice. The words were ladened with pain. More pain than he'd heard from the SPARTAN's before.

Maybe their circumstances weren't identical, but the same thing happened to Shaun. He was stolen from his life, turned into a tool and used until there was nothing left. The question now is whether Nate influenced what happened with Damon, or if that was going to happen regardless. If he did help Damon, could he do the same for Shaun?

Does it matter? He's my son, I have to try. I owe him that much. I owe Nora that much.

I owe myself that much.

He didn't know how long it took him to clear the tray of food, but once he did, the ex-soldier leaned back, staring at the ceiling. It really felt like he couldn't catch a break. If it wasn't one life altering event, it was another

It probably wouldn't stop, but at least there wasn't much more the world could take from him.

That… isn't a good thought.

Ain't that the truth.

The question now is how will he help Li and her people? How does he get from there to figuring out what the long term plan is and how he fits into all of it?

He didn't have the answers, but he needed to do this like his LT kept pounding into his head: solve a problem one brick at a time.

The first brick? That's a much easier question to answer.

X

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Li asked, eyeing the ex-soldier with a mixture of confusion and suspicion. "I understand you want to get involved, but you'll have to run the logic by me again."

They were standing in one of the labs being converted into a production facility for conventional firearms. Apparently the doctor thought it was a good place to have this conversation. Considering she knew the people in the large room working on the equipment and he didn't, he decided he'd trust her judgment. It did provide good cover; if they kept having private conversations in her office, people would get more and more suspicious.

Nate nodded. "I don't think we should do it now, but with Jackson already a part of the SRD, getting someone else in a position of trust will help. Especially with my… unique relationship with Shaun."

"I agree with that, of course, but you're also asking one of my people to not just put themselves at risk, but willingly sacrifice themselves. When Synths are recaptured, it isn't just a punishment, they're reprogrammed and repurposed." Her jaw tightened. "Pretending to escape, just to be captured again- I understand the tactic, but it comes at such a high cost."

"I know", the ex-soldier sighed. "Not about the… repercussions, but the sacrifice. This isn't something I'm asking lightly. I get it-" he paused as he thought about what he was going to say. Did he have any right to make this statement? To suggest someone else throw themselves on the altar of his objectives?

"I understand what I'm asking, Li, which is why this should be a decision left up to them. I'm done making those calls for other people. Something Damon said near the end… well he told me I used everyone along the way to get here." The ex-soldier looked around the cavernous room at the people buzzing around equipment. Most were working with things he recognized: mills, lathes, 3D printers, presses, but there were plenty of things he didn't. Some of them were undoubtedly Synths, one of them might be who would volunteer for this if they could come up with a workable plan. And Madison agreed.

"He was right. I'm done doing that; I owe the kid a lot, this is the least I could start with."

The ARD leader frowned. "You called him kid before. Why?"

Would the SPARTAN be alright with Nate saying? His age was one of the things he wasn't very secretive about, and it isn't like it would hurt anyone. But did the ex-soldier have the right to say anything on his behalf?

Li was still watching him. "If you don't-"

"He was 19."

A short silence fell over their small corner of the facility as she blinked at him. She looked exactly how Nate felt when Damon told him the first time.

"19…?"

"Yes. I can't tell you any more. I'm sorry."

The doctor looked dissatisfied, but she didn't push any further.

"This idea is a good one for logistics, Justin and Father would be desperate to retrieve any newly escaped Synths, and your assistance would be viewed as a boon. However you're asking me to look for a volunteer that would essentially throw their life away."

Nate nodded solemnly. "It's just a suggestion. I'm not going to push you to do it. You know the situation and these people better than I do."

A frown spreading across the doctor's face, she turned to study the people working on putting together their makeshift assembly line. Nate could practically see the questions running through her mind: how she would ask, who she would ask, the risk- the sacrifice vs. the reward. It's a call countless commanders have had to make, but no one likes being voluntold for a suicide mission, the same way no one likes signing them up for it. "I'll have to think about it."

"Of course. I didn't expect you to make a decision on the spot. This is your show." Maybe it was because he wasn't as invested in the efforts to help the Synths escape, maybe he really was a ruthless bastard, but not thinking of this before was… a little surprising. The infantryman couldn't blame them though. Li was right, they were asking someone to escape knowing they'd be captured and reprogrammed.

They aren't military, and they don't think the same way. In war, lives are a resource, and as sacred as that resource is, it's expected to be spent.

But he wasn't about to spend it without the consent of the person they were sending to their effective death.

Nate's brow furrowed. He was back here again, thinking about this shit. He'd barely spent two years out, barely enough time to break the habits, and now he's reforming them. Luckily he never had the responsibility of sending anyone else to their death.

He does now, and he didn't need the knot in his stomach and the heavy pounding in his chest to tell him he didn't like it.

"I'm sorry Dr. Li. These are your people and what I'm asking is-" Nate looked at the ground. "It isn't easy."

"I appreciate your concern, but we dedicated ourselves to this. If it will help, and I believe it will, I have no qualms about posing the question. It is up to them whether or not to accept." When the infantryman met her gaze, her face was set in stone. "I just need some time to process it. I've never asked someone to do this sort of thing before."

He offered a small, sad smile. "Neither have I." I've been asked, and volunteered for it plenty of times though. That was easier than this is. "It's always easier when you're the one making the sacrifice."

A hint of curiosity snuck into the ARD leader's eyes. "I take it you have experience doing so."

The ex-soldier nodded. "Suicide missions were just Tuesdays for us."

"Well hopefully we all live to see Wednesday."

Nate's smile turned more genuine. "I second that."

As much as he didn't want to, the infantryman began walking toward the lab's exit. They had a planning meeting for a number of supply chain raids he needed to help set up. If he was going to keep his promise to Li and Jackson, he needed to keep the rest of the leadership busy. Plus, the more experience they had doing these smaller scale, low risk operations, the better their chances would be. The Institute needed to do as much damage as it could while they still had the advantage of isolation over the Brotherhood.

Leaving the makeshift production center, Nate gazed around the room at the few dozen people deep into their tasks, working toward the war effort. Goddamn, the war effort. As if Nate hadn't fought enough wars. As if the world hadn't seen enough wars.

When he got to the conference room, Weller, Brown, Jackson, and Ayo were already there, waiting.

"How are the manufacturing advancements coming along?" Jackson asked.

And now he's here. The ex-soldier at least had an ally in the room, and he opened up by insinuating that's what the two of them were talking about. The SRD leader seemed to trust him, he raised no concerns with the three of them meeting after all, in fact he'd been downright eager to have the tech with them. Maybe that was just as carefully constructed as the rest of their operation, or maybe it was just luck…

No, you don't get lucky like that when you're walking such a fine line with an enemy like the Institute. You're good, or you lose.

Thinking about the Institute as 'the enemy' wasn't a good idea though. Nate isn't here to destroy it, he's here to find out what their plans are, and change it. This isn't where the fighting needs to be. That's with the Brotherhood.

"Good. Most of the equipment is set up, they're working on retrofitting the tooling now. Dr. Li didn't give me any commitments yet, but it looks like we'll be able to start testing the new equipment in the next few days."

Ayo nodded sharply. "I'm glad. After looking at the ballistic test results, I believe your suggestion was warranted, so this is good news."

Getting more consistent agreements from the infuriating man felt… odd. "Do you know what changes you'll have to make to our forces' programming to use regular weapons?"

Brown cleared her throat. "We're still working with the simulations, but we think they will be ready before any conventional firearms are deployed in the fields."

Hand wavy statements like that never did Nate's nerves any good. "Which is how long…?"

"Judging by our trials so far, we are at about 65% success rate, including the improvements we discussed after our assault on Cambridge. If our rate of progress continues, we will be finished within the week."

"Okay, so they'll be ready for uploading into the next batch of Synths?"

This time Weller spoke up. "Yes, they should be. It would be better this way as well. We will be able to start from scratch instead of modifying the programming currently loaded into our combat units. Easier to test and debug."

Nate nodded. "If we're still waiting on that, then I'd like to limit our raids to Coursers exclusively until we know the conventional units will be effective."

"Very well", Ayo said, "then we need to choose our targets very carefully."

They all turned to the map and began their planning.

Just like with the rest of their sessions, this one seemed to drag and soar past at the same time. The ex-soldier couldn't count the number of these he'd been on the receiving end of, now he was the one giving the orders. It really did feel odd.

By the time they were done, Nate's stomach was running on empty and he was just about ready to hit the sack. It had been a long day and, if he was being honest with himself, the infantryman didn't want to do anything else. He already spent most of his time working with and learning about the Institute (a lot of which he didn't like), so the thought of wandering around the place just didn't appeal to him.

Instead, once they were finished, Nate grabbed a tray with some sort of beef dish on it from the commons and stalked back to his room.

The tray sat on the small table untouched as the ex-soldier stood there, mind racing as he thought about everything that had happened. Like he did almost every moment he wasn't working on strategies and planning.

Nora, Shaun, Li, Cass, Thomas, Julian, Sanctuary, the Brotherhood, the Synths.

Damon.

How had all of this happened to him? Nate didn't know if reincarnation existed, but if it did, the universe owed him a cushy life on the next go around.

He sat and began eating. Whatever it was, the food was good, as always.

And as always eating it made him feel… dirty.

It did give him some motivation though. Holdren all but admitted the way they produce their food is scalable. If that's the case, they should have no problem producing enough for citizens in the Commonwealth above. After seeing what most people up there eat on a day to day basis, food like this alone would probably improve conditions by an order of magnitude.

The ex-soldier allowed himself a small smile. It's like his old CO used to say: an army runs on its stomach. He found very quickly it wasn't just armies, morale in regular populations did too.

Maybe if-

A knock on his door drew Nate's attention away from his dinner. Not many people bothered him outside of their meetings. Porter hadn't come by in several days so who…

He stood and strode to the door. When it slid open, he found himself standing face to face with a solemn looking Isaiah.

"Do you have some time?"

That's never a good question to hear. "What's going on?"

"I just wanted to talk about our missions", the young man replied, motioning his head down the hall.

Nate's eyes narrowed. What was he here for? Isaiah wasn't someone he'd expect to come find him for a meeting or brief.

"Okay, anything in particular?"

He nodded. "Come on, we've got a few people waiting."

A few people waiting?

The ex-soldier followed him down the hall back toward the Commons. Instead of heading for the conference room though, Isaiah led him across the cavernous room toward the BioScience entrance.

Now suspicions were beginning to swirl in Nate's head. Was Strong a part of this little smuggling ring?

As they entered the absolutely massive hydroponics farm, walking through the orderly rows of crops, Isaiah turned his head toward the infantryman.

"You don't seem surprised."

"About?"

The young man smiled. "At least you're smart enough not to fall for that. Dr. Li told me about your idea. We had more than a few volunteers. She settled on one and said you'd probably want to meet them."

I'd want to meet them… She was right, he did, but Nate was sure the division leader had her own reasons. If he had to guess, it would be to make sure he appreciated what, exactly, he was asking. Li wanted him to appreciate the sacrifice he was asking for. She wanted him to see the Synth who would essentially be giving up their life was a person.

The pit that settled in his stomach wasn't the same as usual. He knew this is what would happen, and he had no right to feel guilty about the situation. Whoever it was that volunteered did so to give the other Synths a better chance at escaping. It's their responsibility to make sure that decision isn't made in vain.

They arrived at the rear of the hydroponics farm and Isaiah led him into another large room illuminated with cool, blue indirect lighting behind it. Whatever the place was, it looked like a processing center of some sort. A track system carried harvested plants through several large machines around the room. They were trimming, shucking, cutting, or whatever the various crops needed to be processed before sealing them in large bags. And it was anything but quiet.

At the far end were a half dozen people grouped together and talking. Nate couldn't hear them over the whirring of tracks, clatter of machinery, and the loud HVAC system that kept the room uncomfortably cool in his t-shirt and cargo pants.

"Everyone", Isaiah called as they approached, "this is our newest member."

Most of the gazes cast in his direction were dubious, but one, a taller, well built woman, stepped forward and held out a hand.

"Glad to have you on board Nate. I'm Samantha", her voice was rich and bright with an easy smile that almost seemed to radiate from her. Between that, her thick brown hair pulled into a tight ponytail, and soft face, the ex-soldier almost found himself transfixed as he shook her hand.

"It's nice to meet you", he said, looking around at the others assembled there. He didn't recognize any of them. Each was dressed in the same, white, anti-static, clean coveralls. "All of you."

Isaiah stepped forward. "Sam is the one who has volunteered for this mission."

It took every ounce of Nate's will to fend off the shudder that crawled up his spine.

This was her choice. I have to make sure I don't waste it.

"Thank you Sam."

The woman's smile never faltered as she nodded. "This isn't just about me." She looked at her companions. "We're all in this together and the more we can do for each other, the better things will be in the long run." Her piercing blue eyes met his again. "I know I'm not the only one who volunteered to do this, but I'm glad I'm the one Madison chose."

She's glad Li chose her? Nate could understand the sentiment, at least from a soldier's perspective, but he had no clue what it would be like in their situation. Curiosity got the better of him

"Why's that?"

"So no one else would have to do it." The way she said it, Nate felt as though he should be berating himself, like it was the most obvious question he could have asked.

Nate returned her smile. "That's exactly what I would have said."

"Then I think we have the right person for the job", Sam said with a nod. "But, before this goes down, can I get a favor?"

"Yes."

"If something goes wrong, and my mind isn't wiped before you and the Coursers capture me, shoot me."

For a moment, the only sounds were from the facilities around them as the ex-soldier stared at her. When he finally broke his gaze away from the woman, the others behind her were looking at him with the same sort of grim determination Sam had in her voice. They all knew the risks, and as much as they, clearly, didn't like this, they all knew what she was asking was the right call.

If that's what it takes to be in this position.

"On my life."

"Great!" she beamed with the confidence that could only come from someone who knew exactly what they were doing. The woman's smile faded ever so slightly and her piercing eyes grew hard. "And before you try to take any responsibility for this, it may have been your idea, but I made this decision. You just need to make sure you make it count."

The ex-soldier held her gaze. "That's my only concern."

Samantha stepped back in line with the others, apparently satisfied. "I'm glad to hear it."

"Dr. Li is working with a few others to iron out the details", Isaiah said. "They said they should have things sorted out by the end of tomorrow."

They would have to coordinate with other operations, but that could come next. For now, they had someone for this mission- his mission. The ex-soldier wasn't sure he liked that, but they were dedicated to this now. He'd be damned if he didn't make this work.

As the SRD technician turned to lead him out of the packaging center and into the absolutely cavernous hydroponics farm, something else occurred to Nate. Over the last few days, the only people involved in this he'd interacted with were Li and Jackson. Now he knew at least a half dozen other faces. He smiled. They were starting to trust him. Whether that was out of necessity, or opportunity, he didn't know, but it didn't matter either. Not to him.

But just like agreeing to help the Institute in their fight against the Brotherhood, he felt himself slipping backward. Nate felt himself being pushed back to battle, despite a decade of work on both his and Nora's part to pull him out.

Is this what he was running from? The knowledge that, no matter what he did, the fighting would always find him? From home, to the military, to waking up here, it was a non-stop battle.

The setting might move, the circumstances might be different.

But war… war never changes.

A/N: You knew it was going to happen eventually. Hopefully that isn't just because this is a FO story and it's compulsory; I think one of the themes I've been pretty consistent on throughout this story is that very idea: war doesn't change, no matter how much people try. This is something that has been and is going to continue to develop as we progress, but it's something that pretty much every character in this story shares. And as for the 'twist' here, I hope it didn't come as too much a surprise, I wanted Li's involvement to be one of those things that, looking back on it, makes sense. This is something I felt Bethesda could have taken advantage of but never did, and it works for me considering Li's past, and the circumstances in the Institute. Aaaaaaaaanyway, we've still got a long way to go, and plenty of time to get there. I hope you all enjoyed and I'll see you next time!

Chapter 36: 5/5, (Not) According to Plan