A/N: Well hey again, I'm talking to you from my straight jacket in the asylum of x-over writers! Now... some of you will probably recognize this chapter. Why? Well that's because I accidentally posted it last week! And then Seyd (thanks again) pointed out it made no sense. Then I went back and they were right, it made no sense. So now, the correct chapter is posted for last week, and this is the chapter for this week. I'd... recommend going back and reading what chapter 36 is supposed to be. This chapter will probably make a lot more sense :P Anyway, here we are again. I'd like to say thank you to those who are still with the story. I know the last few chapters have been... different considering Damon's absence. As I said in last week's author's note, there's a reason for that. A very good one. It's important to me that I (and by extension the reader) get the opportunity to explore the world more thoroughly. I've enjoyed writing these chapters from Nate's POV, and I think they add a lot to the story. But hey, that's just me (and I'm the one writing the story MUHAHAHAHAHA :D). Please leave a review if you're so inclined, I'm always open to feedback, even if it's negative (so long as it's constructive, to the person who just called Nate a bitch, that isn't constructive) and, as always, enjoy!

Chapter 37: Decisions and Consequences

Nate sat in the living room of their temporary haven, chewing on a meal bar.

Or maybe 'chewing' was a bit generous for the shuddering motion his mouth was doing. As much as he tried to keep it under control, the ex-soldier was shaking, bad. His breath was coming in struggled heaves, and his hands were trembling so much, he didn't trust them to hold his rifle which was lying next to him. He told Jackson he'd watch the front door while the other man searched the house, and he was, but the only real protection he'd provide would be warning his companion by getting shot.

His mind was racing, pulling at memories he hadn't thought about in years, about firefights he'd been in back during his years in the military. Fighting through cities and suburbs, not dissimilar to Boston, always on the knife-edge of death. Bullets missing him by inches, a few catching themselves on his armor plate. How had he done all of that? How did he get through two decades of that?

The fight a few hours before, that had been benign by comparison, but still, he'd almost been shot twice. He'd killed a few of them too. It was- the familiar, subtle sense of satisfaction, of a job well done, of a target down made itself known again. The man wasn't a sadist, he didn't enjoy killing people, but his enemy dying meant he got to survive that much longer. It meant he might live to see the next day. That's all, he just wanted to survive.

It's what he'd told himself anyway.

After the third attempt to eat his first bite ended the same way it had the last two times, falling out of his mouth, the ex-soldier placed the bar back in the wrapper and put it in a pocket. He wanted to ask what had happened to him, but it was a question he'd asked a dozen times since his first episode with the Supermutants, it was an answer he'd known for a long time.

Despite all of that, he was proud of himself. Nate managed to keep it together long enough to get himself and Jackson out of the fight, and hopefully, the Coursers had gotten back to the Institute with Sam.

Breathing deeply, letting the tension drain from his limbs helped, but he knew he needed time. He never talked with a shrink about PTSD, but they'd mentioned it before. It was… deeply disturbing to feel like he didn't have any control over his body. To know he was panicking, but not being able to do anything about it.

Deep breath. Deep breath.

As he struggled to get his lungs under control, he heard Jackson's footsteps coming back down the dried, frail wooden stairs. A few seconds later, he emerged into the living room.

"Everything looks clear", he whispered. The man was much calmer now, being away from a gunfight did that for most people.

"G- good", Nate struggled out. He didn't try to hide the stammer, he knew he wouldn't be able to.

Jackson looked down at him, a concerned frown on his face. "Are you alright?"

The ex-soldier shook his head. "I have- PTSD." He cleared his throat, struggling to suck in another deep breath.

After a brief pause, Jackson slipped into the living room and sat across from him.

"And- I guess- I guess I haven't killed anyone in- in about two and a half years." The ex-soldier clasped his hands together to try and control their trembling.

"You didn't have to while you were out here looking for Fa- for Shaun?"

Nate thought for a moment, replaying the two months he and Damon had spent wandering the Commonwealth.

"N-no, I didn't. Damon-" the ex-soldier paused, and not entirely because his body was fighting against him. "Damon did most of the shooting. The-there were a few t-times I had to kill some animals", he smirked, "sc-scored a Deathclaw. And Supermutants."

Jackson's eyes widened. "A Deathclaw?"

A small wave of pride surged in the back of the ex-soldier's head, tempered slightly by the knowledge the SPARTAN had already wounded it.

"Yeah", he said with a nod. "Damon- Damon did the heavy lifting, but I got one an-and wounded a few others."

There was a brief pause as the Institute technician blinked. "A few others?"

"Three. There were seven total."

Jackson clamped his hand over his mouth as he sputtered. "Seven?"

"Seven." The ex-soldier smiled, but it was more than a little sickly. "Damon was… i-it's difficult to s-say how good of a fighter Damon was. The first day I knew him h-he killed something like 30 Raiders. And that was an appetizer."

More silence. Jackson's eyes were wide, but it wasn't fear, at least Nate didn't think so. Maybe surprise?

"Were you there when he fought Z2-47?"

"You- you mean the Courser he killed?" the other man nodded. "No. I stayed in Diamond City."

"How did we manage to kill him then?" Jackson mused, more to himself, but the question hit Nate like a freight train.

"It was my fault."

Jackson's eyes snapped back to the ex-soldier. "Sorry, that- that wasn't right of me to ask. I didn't-"

"No", Nate whispered, shaking his head. "I can't hide from it. Shaun used me to do it. I- I-" the ex-soldier paused to clear his throat, suddenly choked with emotion. "I didn't know they wanted to kill him, but I should have. I should have known they were setting me up as a weapon against him. I hurt him. Without going into detail, we had a complicated friendship, but he was changing, figuring out how to care about people, and I threw that in his face." The ex-soldier wasn't stammering anymore, but he couldn't remember the last time his voice was this bitter. Jackson remained silent, watching him with a mixture of curiosity and understanding.

"Then, asking him to destroy the Railroad, and what I did when we were there- it distracted him. He wouldn't have-" Nate's voice caught in his throat. He wouldn't have been caught off guard if I hadn't done that. If Nate had just thought for a second instead of reacting, even though he knew he was incredibly unstable, emotionally. They would have been able to figure it out, and sure, Nate probably wouldn't be in the Institute anymore, but at least the SPARTAN, at least his friend would still be alive.

"Damon's sniffed out ambushes on multiple occasions. I don't think I'd ever seen him caught off guard. If he hadn't been distracted, he wouldn't have been caught in that ambush."

As Nate fell silent, the night pressing down around him, the guilt of what happened hit him full force again. Damon hadn't been changing, he had changed. The SPARTAN cared more about other people than Nate did, that's for damn sure. Hell, the ex-soldier was ready to kill- to have Damon kill the Railroad just to be with Shaun. Despite knowing the armored titan would… disapprove.

"So Shaun used you too", Jackson whispered, breaking into the silence.

The infantryman nodded. "Yeah." He turned away. "I'm still not sure what to think, with everything you and Li said the other day. And now, Porter's telling me Shaun wants me to be a go-between for the Institute and the people out here."

"What do you mean?"

"Apparently he wants to establish more regular relations with the Commonwealth, improve their image so they can help them once the war is over." Nate met the other man's gaze. Jackson was frowning, a hint of confusion on his face.

"I haven't heard anything, but I know the two of them work closely together." He shrugged. "It's possible."

"I don't know", Nate replied, shaking his head. "You don't bring a soldier in for public relations."

"Maybe he has something in mind." Jackson shrugged again. "If I can say anything for your son, it's that he usually has things planned ahead."

"Maybe", Nate echoed before falling silent. So much of this situation didn't make sense. After ambushing Damon? It's possible Shaun didn't want the SPARTAN's influence, that easy solution. Maybe they're dedicated to the idea Porter suggested, but the temptation to use the nuclear option might have been difficult for some to resist. They'd try to use him. Clearly, the Institute already saw other people as means to an end. According to him, Damon had been used as a weapon his entire life, so the connection wouldn't be difficult for them to make.

But they didn't know him, not like Nate did. It might have been different when they first met, but that had been a lifetime ago. For as much as the armored man was still trying to figure things out, he was always as stubborn as they came. Despite everything he'd been through, and some of the more questionable decisions he'd made, he had a conscience. A strong one. If they asked him to do something he didn't like, he wouldn't.

Nate got a taste of that first hand.

Or maybe the ex-soldier was being too charitable; Shaun told him they'd killed him because Damon was a threat.

He didn't know what to think at this point.

"Get some sleep", Nate said, looking back at the other man. "I'll wake you up in a few hours so I can get some shut-eye."

Jackson eyed him suspiciously. "Are you in any shape to be on watch?"

Holding out his hand again, he nodded. It was still trembling, but no more than it had before they left the safety of the Institute.

"I've played guard plenty of times before and, no offense, I'd feel more comfortable with taking first shift. We still don't know if anyone followed us."

The other man held his gaze for a few more seconds, the incredulous frown just visible in the dim living room. Nate maintained the stare. Even if he wasn't operating at 100%, he had infinitely more experience in… unfriendly environments. Experience, in this case, is what mattered. Neither of them were superhuman.

"Okay", the SRD technician finally replied with a shrug. He climbed slowly to his feet and ambled back up the stairs, leaving Nate alone, nothing to keep him company, but the still, cool night air, silence, and his own roaring thoughts.

As the interminable hours dragged on into the night, Nate found himself wondering how Damon had done this time and again while they were up here. The SPARTAN was one of the least patient people he'd ever met most of the time, but he had an impressive ability to slow down to an almost glacial pace when the situation called for it. Thinking about that, why he was able to do that, sparked a small fire of frustration in the back of his mind too. He'd been drilled since he was five to be a weapon, to sacrifice everything for the mission. His comfort may not have been high on that list, but the principle remained.

Every time the ex-soldier checked the display on his Pipboy, thinking an hour or two had passed, it would turn out to be 15 or 20 minutes. It was infuriating.

Even so, he remained still and silent, breathing as gently as he could. It wasn't just to avoid detection, but he didn't want to miss any potential noises that may be his only advanced warning. There was no telling what may be out there looking for them; Gunners, Brotherhood, Supermutants, Kleo. It was simultaneously irritating and terrifying.

After a while, his thoughts began drifting to Samantha, and what had happened to her.

"If something goes wrong, and my mind isn't wiped before you and the Coursers capture me, shoot me."

He obviously hadn't been able to do that. It occurred to him that, if her mind hadn't been wiped by the time they captured her, their secret would be out, and whether Shaun was telling the truth about his intentions wouldn't matter. That thought was nowhere near as frightening as it should have been. It might be because he wasn't sure he wanted anything to do with the Institute and its intentions, whatever those are.

Instead, his thoughts were on the Synth, what she'd given up at his request.

What she volunteered to give up.

That didn't make the idea any easier to stomach. He was usually the one putting himself on the line at the behest of others. The ex-soldier wasn't sure he liked being on the other side of that equation.

Was that selfish? That Nate was thinking about the way he felt when it was Sam who lost everything, regardless of whether her mind wiped or not? Probably. The woman's smile when they met was stuck in his mind though. The way she almost seemed eager to help. In the few minutes he had to meet her, Sam left an impression, and it was the same one he got from Damon: the people around him were better than he deserved.

Then earn it dammit. Sitting here feeling sorry for myself isn't going to change anything.

It was true, he just needed to figure out exactly what that looked like.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Nate checked the time and it was 0100. He could wake Jackson up and get a few hours of shut-eye before the sun came up and they started moving.

Climbing stiffly to his feet, the ex-soldier crept to the stairs, careful to place his feet on the joists to minimize the wooden floor's creaking. Jackson woke with a start when Nate reached the second floor, but he calmed down before doing anything dumb.

As Nate laid down in Jackson's place, he tried to calm his racing mind. It wasn't just being stuck out in the middle of the city's suburbs with a novice watching his back, it wasn't just the mission they'd just done, it wasn't just his sense of dread with what was to come, it was a combination of everything weighing down on the ex-soldier at once. More than anything, he wanted the world to go back to the way it was, for him to open his eyes, laying in bed at home that morning before the bombs fell and his world was destroyed.

That wasn't going to happen though and he knew it.

Make it work the best I can. That's all I can do now.

Those words had kept him moving for so many years now, how long until they didn't work anymore?

X

Sleep didn't come quickly, and when it did, it sucked. Nate hadn't expected anything more though, laying in a destroyed house with who knows what trying to kill him.

Jackson looked exhausted when the ex-soldier roused himself to the thin rays of deep red light spearing through the many holes in the house. They reminded him of the bolts the Brotherhood's laser weapons fired. Not exactly a comforting feeling.

"Let's get moving", Nate whispered as he began pacing the house, looking out each window, careful to remain away and tucked into shadows. The last thing he needed now was to take a shot because he was negligent. With the red light slowly fading to orange, the suburbs around them took on a distinctly hellish appearance. The ex-soldier supposed that fit, considering.

Once he was reasonably sure there were no obvious signs of an ambush lying in wait, Nate slipped out of the house's crumbling back door and began heading north. They had about seven miles of city to cover before arriving at CIT. Their safest path would be to avoid the scene of yesterday's firefight entirely. Provided no one tracked them from where they teleported in, that area should still be clear.

As the trek began, Nate led, the SRD technician trailing 10 feet behind him. It was as stressful as the battle yesterday had been. Despite his panicked reaction, the ex-soldier always found it easier to deal with potential threats when they were already shooting at him. Creeping through the corpse of the city he'd called home for so long, unsure of if or when a shot would come was a great way to fry someone's nerves.

Before they'd made it the first mile, the ex-soldier stopped in a half-collapsed building, both to calm himself and eat the meal bar he hadn't last night. His stomach was on empty, and while it wouldn't necessarily do anything to temper his anxiety, it would give him one less distraction. The occasional gunfights he would hear breaking out around the city weren't doing his concerns any favors.

The sun was above the eastern skyline by then, washing everything in a dull orange and casting long shadows from the buildings around them. That was both good and bad; as long as they kept to those shadows, they'd be difficult targets, but on the few occasions they had to cross an intersection, or debris forced them to the opposite side of the street, Nate's heart rate peaked.

Taking slow, steady breaths helped, but nothing could rid him of the fear and frustration swirling around his head.

It was close to noon, and his nerves were absolutely shot, when the ruined remains of the college's central building came into view between the other, half-collapsed structures, towering over the rest of the campus. The ex-soldier couldn't allow himself to relax; the last hundred yards were always the most dangerous.

"Stay sharp", Nate whispered to Jackson behind him, "we don't know if there are any Brotherhood or Gunner forces in the area. Stick to shadows and keep your weapon ready."

"Got it", came the quiet response. If the other man's voice was anything to judge by, he was even more rattled than Nate.

Despite his fears, the next fifteen minutes passed in relative silence, even the distant spurts of gunfire seeming to fade away. When they finally reached the campus, Nate allowed himself a deep, calming breath.

They'd made it.

"Call it in", the ex-soldier said as the two of them huddled into one of the half-destroyed structures. If he remembered right, this was the humanities building.

So much for that.

"This is Jackson", the SRD tech said into his radio, "Nate and I have arrived back on campus. Can you send a Courser up here for extraction?"

An instant of static-y silence followed, but before any concerns could form in the infantryman's mind, a voice came back. "Yes Jackson, it's good to hear you two are alright. We'll send X6-88 up, where are you?"

"First building inside the northwestern corner of CIT."

"Got it, one moment."

Jackson slumped against the decrepit wall beside them, eyes fluttering closed as he released a heavy sigh.

"That was a lot more than I bargained for."

Nate laughed. It was more relief than anything. "I can't say I disagree. I didn't think it would be that… intense."

"Yeah", the dark-skinned man said, smiling, "next time, remind me to decline your offer to come." The reassurance in his voice was so thick it was almost contagious. Or maybe that was just Nate's own nerves finally unwinding.

True to their word, the telltale brilliant flash of a teleportation lit up the area just outside of their haven. "Nate and Jackson", the monotonous drone of the Courser's voice called quietly.

"We're here", the ex-soldier replied and the two men exited the building to find X6-88 standing just outside.

"Good." The Courser nodded, waving them over.

As soon as they reached him, the intense flare overtook them, and suddenly they were standing in one of the Molecular Relay's bays.

A wave of relief crashed into Nate and his legs went weak. He had to catch himself on one of the large pieces of equipment ringing the small room to stop from dropping to the ground. He turned to Jackson who had collapsed to the steel floor. The two men held each other's gazes for a silent moment before they both began to laugh.

They made it back.

Their return wasn't mankind's greatest accomplishment, but, at that moment, it sure as hell felt like it.

Beyond their small bubble, Nate heard several sets of footsteps hurrying toward them. He craned his head around, feeling muscles popping in his neck to find Shaun, Dr. Li, Porter, Isaiah, and most of their leadership team standing in the room beyond, staring at them. The ex-soldier wanted to say something witty, but if he was being honest with himself, he couldn't. His mind was fried, he was exhausted, and he could feel his entire body beginning to tremble again.

It was better than he thought he would be last night though.

"I know-" Nate started before his voice cut out and he had to clear it before he could speak again. "I know there's probably a lot that happened over the last 18 hours, but can it wait a bit?" He glanced down at his legs, still leaning on the equipment for support. "I don't think I'm in any shape to deal with it right now."

Brown began to speak, but Li cut him off. "Yes, it can wait. We still need to hammer out the details." She glanced at the others. "Get some rest, we'll meet in the evening."

The ex-soldier breathed a sigh of relief. Madison was really turning into a lifesaver. He smiled at her in silent thanks.

"Isaiah", she continued, "do you have your notes compiled?"

"Yes", the younger man said, nodding.

"Good, we need to get started." With that, she ushered most of the people standing outside of the small chamber away, leaving only the technician sitting at the controls, Nate, Jackson, X6-88.

And Shaun.

The man's… older son looked, for the first time in a while, at a loss for anything to say. He stared at Nate, eyes and face unreadable, but his slumped shoulders said something was running through his head.

"I-" he said, pausing to frown. "I am relieved you have returned. Sending you out on that mission was a mistake."

Nate blinked. It wasn't exactly a tearful reunion, but it might as well have been considering how much emotion Shaun normally showed.

Pushing himself away, the ex-soldier shook his head. "You didn't send me out, I sent myself out. It was important we got the Synth back."

"I'm the one who signed off on it."

"Shaun… if you want me to be in command of the fighting, you can't think like that, and you can't undermine me." Nate's voice grew harder. "If you don't trust me to lead, don't put me in charge of it."

The Institute leader's frown deepened. "I did not intend to undermine you, I am merely stating I am responsible for the wellbeing of the Institute and everyone in it. That includes you."

How Shaun said that, his tone, caught Nate off guard. The white-haired man's voice was normally as robotic and emotionless as the Coursers'. Now though, there was something creeping past the carefully controlled monotony. It sounded like fear.

Nate walked forward on rubbery legs and placed a hand on his son's shoulder. "This is my responsibility too, that's why I didn't want anyone else out there without me." He smiled. "Don't worry, we made it out okay."

It looked like Shaun wanted to say something else, but he kept it to himself and just nodded. "I cannot tell you how happy I am you did."

Unexpected emotion welled up in the ex-soldier's throat as he saw worry crease his son's eyes. Was he being too hard on him? Assuming the worst after what happened? Nate was no shrink, but the emotion that, relatively speaking, was pouring out of Shaun seemed as genuine as it got.

He'd be lying if he said it didn't hit him. Hard.

"Me too", the ex-soldier said, voice thick. "Now, I need to get a bit of real shut-eye. I don't doubt there's a lot to go over with the raids."

The Institute leader nodded and stepped aside. "I will have food brought to your room as well."

Nate smiled. "Thanks."

With that, he shuffled toward the elevator that would take him down to the Institute's main floor, followed by Jackson. The promise of a warm, soft, safe bed was all too alluring.

Even so, Nate didn't allow himself to hit the sack right away. He knew if he did, he wouldn't be able to sleep, or if he did, it would be about as bad as the sleep he'd gotten in that collapsing house: terrible.

Instead, the ex-soldier stripped his gear, setting it on the table as orderly as he could before getting undressed and climbing into the shower. He stood there, hot water running over him, washing away the grim and the tension from the night's events. It was something the infantryman had done countless times before, but this time it felt different. The odd melody of emotions running through his head made no sense. He was proud of himself for handling that situation as (relatively) well as he did, frustrated he hadn't been able to come up with a better solution, and downright angry he'd been in that position in the first place.

Nate's fear didn't just stem from his PTSD or Damon's absence. He was afraid in a way he'd never been during his time in service. He wasn't a soldier anymore, he'd left that life behind. Now the man was supposed to be a civilian, a husband, and father.

But he wasn't.

In a strange way, he found himself exhilarated too. This wasn't what he signed up for, wasn't what he wanted, but despite his fears and his discomfort, his years of training and experience came back to the surface when he needed it. He wasn't just serviceable, he was good. That was also a relief. He might not be the SPARTAN, but he hadn't lost what made him an excellent soldier, even considering the circumstances.

As the ex-soldier shut the water off and dried himself, he felt a small smile slip onto his face. It probably wasn't the best reaction to have after killing people for the first time in years, but knowing if it came down to it, he still could…

That was a good thing.

A few moments later, after he slipped a fresh pair of pants on, Nate crawled into bed, feeling like his body was melting into the mattress. He didn't bother pulling the covers over himself, and the next thing he knew, he was asleep.

Bang.

Nate woke with a start, twisting around and sitting up in bed, hand scrambling for a weapon it took him a moment to realize wasn't there. He'd left his rifle on the table-

Knocking came from the door into the hall, and the infantryman felt his heart begin to slow. It was just someone coming to wake him.

"One sec", he called, looking around for a shirt.

After climbing out of the bed, and pulling a clean white undershirt from a drawer, he padded over to the door and keyed it open.

"Hey", Isaiah greeted him, holding a tray of food and cup of-

Coffee. Black coffee.

Nate's opinion of the young man shot up an order of magnitude.

"Did I wake you?" The way he asked, and his glance at the clothes Nate was wearing told Isaiah already knew the answer, he was just trying to be polite.

The ex-soldier shook his head. "Don't worry about it." His voice was barely audible, even to him. Taking the coffee from the analyst, Nate waved him inside. "Thanks."

"No problem", he replied as he followed him into the living room.

Once he'd taken several too large gulps of the steaming hot nectar, Nate cleared his throat. "Am I keeping things waiting?"

"No, we decided to meet in a half-hour, thought it might be nice to wake up some before hitting the ground running."

The infantryman nodded his thanks. "I appreciate that", he said, sitting on the overstuffed couch. "Maybe you can give me a heads up for what I should be expecting." Nate grimaced, and judging by the look on Isaiah's face, he knew what the older man was referring to. They couldn't talk about Sam though, not when the apartment was probably bugged.

"Well, the big news is both raid parties returned."

There was more to that sentence.

"But…?"

Isaiah frowned. "... But one of them, the ones who were attacking the I-73 route, well the supply caravan they were supposed to hit never showed. After about an hour, they investigated and found it destroyed, a mile north of the ambush location."

The caravan had been destroyed. A Brotherhood caravan. Not many people would want to pick a fight with them outside of the Institute. He had no clue how large the Gunners were, but he doubted they had the firepower to do it. Raiders might be stupid enough to, but considering that caravan had two power armored escorts… would they have the weaponry to? And then what about Supermutants? Hell, it was possible Kleo did it too.

"What did it look like?"

"The ambush?" Nate nodded and Isaiah sat down, placing the tray of food on the couch between them. "It was well coordinated, maybe a bit sloppy though. Someone set an IED in their route. One of the armored guards got taken out by that. The other was peppered with conventional weapons fire. The other four unarmored soldiers were killed the same way. It seems like a lot of extra shooting though, most of the unarmored targets had at least a dozen gunshot wounds."

Well shit. That doesn't really narrow anything down. Well-coordinated, but sloppy. Someone with good planning, but amateur soldiers… That could be Kleo, or an especially good Raider gang. The Gunners too. He doubted any Supermutants would be that patient, so that ruled them out at least.

"I'm guessing there've been some thoughts about who did it?"

"Yes, but I think it would make more sense if you saw the evidence first. In any case, I don't think it affects our plans or timeline. It could have just been someone looking for equipment, supplies, and weapons."

"It was raided."

Even though it wasn't a question, Isaiah nodded. "Picked clean, except the armor."

Nate blinked. "Except the armor?"

Isaiah smiled sympathetically. "That was a surprise at first too, but one of the suits was damaged beyond usability, and even though the other wasn't, I don't think anyone who would perform an ambush like that has the equipment needed to disassemble T-60."

"Oh", the ex-soldier said. Duh. "That's right. And that would be way too heavy to drag anywhere."

"Right."

"Anyway", Isaiah stood, stretching, "I don't want to overload you with anything, just give you a heads up for what's coming your way." He motioned at the food. "I'll leave you to it, I need to get some coffee myself."

"It's a lifesaver", Nate said, smiling.

"Yeah, that's for sure."

With that, the younger man left Nate to his food.

He idly sipped on his coffee while picking at the tray. Someone else had hit the Brotherhood caravan. That meant at least someone out there didn't like them, or at the very least weren't afraid to start a fight with them. Not that it meant anything, or that group would be their ally, but it was a relief in its own way. They might not have allies, but at least they weren't alone in the fight.

Maybe.

After he'd finished eating, Nate pulled on a clean pair of khakis and slipped his boots back on before keying the door open and beginning the short journey to the conference room. From what Isaiah had told him, they had a lot to talk about.

Now that Nate had some live-fire experience with both the Coursers and Jackson, he had a few things he wanted to discuss too.

Some parts of the Institute still showed scars from the Brotherhood's infiltration. It wasn't obvious, a shrapnel spattered bulkhead, laser scoring across an otherwise bright, silver floor, but the signs were a stark reminder. They weren't the only ones looking for a way to break down the other's defenses. The Brotherhood had already managed to hit them at home, and the Institute was still working on putting together a damned offensive.

On top of that, there were parties within the Institute with ulterior motives, including him now. He didn't think Madison or anyone in her group would oppose the fight against the Brotherhood, that would be suicide for them too, but they had other goals. Ones he shared. Putting together the war effort around their plans would make things more difficult. That was something he owed them though.

When the ex-soldier arrived at the conference room, it was already crowded with the usual suspects. The only one missing was Jackson, but he would probably join them shortly.

"Did you sleep well?" Weller asked as Nate strode into the room.

"Better than I did last night on the floor of a bombed-out house."

That drew a smile out of the older scientist. "The Institute is a bit more comfortable than the accommodations out there."

"... Yeah." And yet we don't do anything about that. It had shocked him when Porter said Shaun intended to bridge the gap between the Institute and the Commonwealth the day before, but he wasn't so sure after having most of the night to stew on it. Like he'd said, you don't send a soldier for PR.

But who knows, this entire situation is beyond him.

"Is Jackson joining us, or is he still getting his beauty rest?"

Dr. Ayo nodded. "He will be here shortly."

True to his word, the SRD technician walked into the conference room a few moments later. Looking far better than he had a few hours ago.

"Glad you decided to come by", Nate said with a mocking smile.

Jackson rolled his eyes dramatically. "Well sometimes it's difficult to sleep when you're being shot at."

"We weren't being shot at the entire night." He cleared his throat. "Let's get down to business. Starting with the raids, Isaiah already told me the I-73 route was hit before we could get there, so let's get that one out of the way first."

Brown stepped forward and put a folder on the table. "Yes. It appears to have been hit at least several hours before our team found it." She produced several images from the folder and spread them across the steel surface. The first one she pointed to was obviously the detonation that killed the first armored soldier. It was set directly in the road, which was now a large crater with the twisted heap of what had probably been the suit of power armor tossed off to the side. Whoever was in it had clearly been caught in the blast and thrown across the street.

"Judging from the explosion, this was an improvised bomb. It left a significant amount of soot and the Coursers were unable to find any signs of military-grade explosives. This appears to have been a fuel-air bomb."

"So something simple almost anyone could cook up", Jackson said.

"Yes", Brown continued. "However, judging from the damage to the armor that was caught in the explosion, and the pack animal", she pushed forward a picture of the brahmin, it had lacerations across its heads, chest, and front legs, "this bomb was packed with shrapnel. It's simple to make, but a very well-made IED."

That still didn't really rule anyone besides the Supermutants out. If someone was good enough to come up with an ambush like this, they were certainly smart enough to make an effective explosive, even if it was out of scraps.

Their presenter pulled out four more images of the other people who had been with the caravan. "As for the others, they appear to have been hit quickly; none of them moved far from the pack animal. It is likely they were disoriented from the blast, but whoever put this together knew what they were doing." She pointed at an image of the other armored soldier. Their chest and helmet were riddled with gouges from bullet impacts. One of their lenses was shattered too, dried blood around the housing. "This one was killed directly behind the brahmin. It seems they eliminated the other armored escort before moving to the easier marks."

"So what we have is a well-organized, intelligent group that ambushed this caravan for their supplies", Nate said.

Brown nodded. "It appears that way."

"We need to be careful", Ayo said. "We do not know if this mystery group is amicable to us, or merely hostile to the Brotherhood."

Wow… he said something that makes sense. "Agreed. Do we have any other information about them?"

"No", Weller replied, shaking his head. "The Coursers swept the immediate area but were unable to find any other evidence. The city around it provided no clues, and they couldn't find tracks for whoever did this."

Well… if they'd found who this was quickly, it would just spell signs of other problems. Nothing around here is that easy.

"Alright, we'll have to stay vigilant. We won't need to change much about our methods yet since we're still establishing our supply locations, and don't have regular patrols, but we need to be ready for an ambush like this." He turned to one of the other techs. "I want a model of this ambush, and training for how to counter it ready for the Synths and Coursers."

"A model… timeline, directions of attack, and weapons?" she asked.

Nate nodded. "Best guesses, assume the most difficult circumstances."

"Got it."

"Thanks." That was as much as they could do for the time being. They'd continue studying the scene as part of constructing their training, but unfortunately, there were no clues about who might have done this. That may be an indication itself, but it was dangerous to assume on that front.

"Does anyone have anything else to add?" The ex-soldier scanned everyone assembled in the conference room. No one spoke up. "Okay, let's move on to the successful raid."

That was a far less interesting conversation which, in Nate's experience, was always a good thing. It went off exactly as they planned, and almost identically to this mystery party's ambush sans the explosives. The caravan was larger, five armored escorts, two pack animals, and a half dozen unarmored targets. Their forwardmost fireteam had taken out the lead escorts with gauss rifle fire and the two flanking duos had opened fire as soon as the guards' attention was diverted. Two of the Coursers had been hit in the ensuing gunfight, but no major wounds. They'd recovered their supplies, which included several high-caliber rifles, ammunition, food, and water, but none of those were overly important.

With two of their supply lines being hit, the Brotherhood would begin tightening their security which meant regular patrols, more guards, or airlifting supplies. That was another liability in their operation: it was isolated and needed supplies, but their supply base wasn't easily accessible.

This is a strange war.

There were no other updates, but he knew it wouldn't be long before they saw changes along those supply routes, and at their production bases. They also needed to be wary of whatever response Maxson would organize. Maybe the Brotherhood couldn't strike at them directly again, but it would be foolish to think they wouldn't come up with something. It was their job to anticipate what that something, or somethings, will be.

Which led him to the last question, and the one Nate was dreading most.

"What happened with the extraction? The Gunners attacked us, but do we know why?"

"Obviously, it was to recover C2-61", Ayo replied, barely reigning in his scoff.

"No shit." Nate stared the smaller man down. "Next time I need to know what color the sky is I'll look outside. How did they know to head there?"

"We have no way of knowing", Li answered, shooting a glance at the SRD leader. "The only thing we were able to determine was they arrived there shortly before our recovery team. They may have had people in the area, found C2-61 by chance…" She trailed off, but Nate knew where she was going.

"Or have some way of tracking us or her."

"Yes." Li nodded.

There was no way of knowing that last one until they performed some tests, but it would certainly complicate things.

"We will need to determine the answer", the ARD leader continued. "It will affect how we deploy forces in the future if our Relay signals are traceable."

"Agreed", Jackson said. "We should be able to test that fairly simply." He looked at Isaiah. "Would you mind helping?" The young man nodded.

"How difficult would it be to provide away parties with some means of activating the Molecular Relay. If we run into a problem like that again, we can't only rely on Coursers to get us back to the Institute."

Ayo did scoff this time. "If it weren't for your reckless use of our units, you wouldn't have been caught in that position, and we wouldn't have lost a Courser."

Reckless? His tactics were reckless?

"If I hadn't sent X6-88 ahead to assist the scout team, C2-61 could have been captured by the Gunners. That reckless deployment made sure we didn't lose an important target to the enemy. We have no clue what the Gunners would have done with her if they'd gotten away. For all we know she could have been sold off to the Brotherhood."

"Before we chase that rabbit", Weller interjected. "I believe Nate is correct. None of us are well qualified to judge his actions considering it is always easier to discuss these things in retrospect. He did not have all the information we do, and we do not have all the information in general. I believe it is certainly possible, given the circumstances, C2-61 may have been captured. The actions Nate took were done to minimize that risk."

The ex-soldier blinked. Weller was usually reasonable enough, if he asked too many tangential questions, but to outright countermand his boss? That didn't seem all that in character for the older scientist.

Jackson nodded. "Yes. A split-second decision had to be made, both once the shooting within the building started, and once Z2-17 was disabled." He met Nate's gaze. "Considering what was at stake, he made the right call, and prioritized getting the highest risk members of the team out of the field first." The dark-skinned man paused, a small smile flashing across his face. "Even if I never want to spend a night out there again."

That drew a few chuckles from around the conference room, including Nate.

"If we want to make any corrections to the operation", the infantryman said, "the best one would probably be to have all people involved better trained, both as individuals and as a unit. Things went south because the Coursers aren't trained for those types of engagements. While I've been in plenty, we haven't been in them together."

Shaun, after remaining silent for the past half hour, cleared his throat. "Are you suggesting we begin training our technicians and scientists to be soldiers?" There was no incredulity in his voice, only a strange sort of curiosity.

"No", Nate responded, shaking his head. "Changing how we train the Coursers would be a start and providing combat training to anyone who will be out in the field."

"And I presume you would like to lead this effort."

It had been a long time since he went through boot. Even while he was out, Nate kept up on PT, even going so far as to say he was proud he'd been able to keep up with Damon on their endless journeys across the Commonwealth. That was entirely different from taking on the role of drill instructor. Especially considering he was also in command of their impromptu generalship. And of course his… extracurricular activities helping escaping Synths.

"I can provide pointers, but I don't need to be part of the training. I'm sure we have plenty of training manuals to pull from, and I can help put the plans together."

"That seems reasonable", Jackson said. "It would make me feel a lot more comfortable if I ever have that misfortune again."

The Institute leader glanced at the other man before meeting Nate's gaze once more. "That is agreeable. Would you concur we should begin as soon as possible then?"

"Yes", the infantryman replied, nodding again. "Brown, pull up whatever reference material we have for PT and basic combat training. We'll need to go over that before we put together a regiment."

"Understood", she responded.

After that, the debrief was clearly drawing to a close. They discussed a few more ancillary subjects, but Nate tuned them out for the most part. He hadn't asked the main question he'd wanted to, he'd worried about. In part because it may have been suspicious, and in part because he didn't know whether he wanted the answer to be 'yes' or 'no'.

Was Sam's memory wiped before the Coursers recovered her?

He couldn't imagine what that would be like, having everything you remember, the person you are just… erased. It was terrifying. If Nate couldn't, who would remember Nora? Or Cook? Or Martin?

Or Damon?

Everything Sam had been, the fiery, proud, and dedicated person he'd met a few days ago was gone. Just- gone.

A few minutes later, the debrief concluded and everyone began dispersing. The ex-soldier wanted to beeline to Li's office, ask her what had happened in more detail, put his mind at ease either way. That could draw suspicion though, and the last thing they need, especially now, is suspicion. Neither Ayo nor Shaun suggested they trusted Nate anymore after this operation, but he couldn't risk endangering that chance, no matter how much he wanted the answer. He'd have to stew on it until morning when it would be more reasonable for him to check in on the progress of their new weapon's program.

So instead the ex-soldier occupied himself with heading to the gym. Yes, he was still exhausted from the day before, but he needed something to help him loosen up.

And he needed some time to think.

X

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

Nate's feet pounded on the treadmill in a slow, rhythmic beat. He wished he had some music playing, anything to help his mind get into the same tempo. For as much as he tried to focus, it kept drifting between three things: Damon, Sam, and Shaun.

His thoughts swirling around the SPARTAN were simple: if he had been there the night before, the Gunners wouldn't have mattered. It was just another reminder of how Nate betraying his friend had been one of the worst mistakes of his life. One he would probably never live down.

For Sam, her sacrifice was immense, but it wasn't finished yet. He had to make sure he took advantage of the opening they all thought would be there, if not now then soon. It could provide them with huge opportunities, including one to, maybe, get back in touch with the Railroad. He was sure they wouldn't want anything to do with him, especially Cass and Tommy, but maybe, eventually, he could earn back even a modicum of their trust. Those opportunities would be that much better if what Porter had said was true.

And that brought him to Shaun. It was still impossible to get a read on the situation, on what the Institute leader wanted him for, on what he wanted to do. Nate hadn't been wrong when he said soldiers aren't PR personnel. He may have been the de facto politician between himself and Damon, but considering the armored titan had the social skills of a hand grenade, that wasn't saying much. How could he repair the massive distrust between the people of the Commonwealth and the Institute? Sure, he had some ideas, but things like 'stop kidnapping people' and 'give them food' were things anyone with half a brain could come up with. Long story short, the ex-soldier wasn't convinced that's what Shaun wanted him for.

Even if, more than anything, he wanted to believe it. Porter was good. Really good. Even though Nate was on guard for it, she still managed to dig back into his head and put him in a vulnerable position. It probably wasn't that hard for someone who both had training, and he gave two weeks of, essentially, free reign to poke around in there.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

While all of those things were subjects the ex-soldier wanted to think about, he didn't want to think about them all at once. The most important one in the short term is what to do next with Li and her people. He realized that, as if subconsciously, he'd decided to help them. It was the right thing to do, or so it seemed, and Damon probably would have done it.

But he couldn't help the thought swirling in the back of his head: what if Shaun was right? What if there was something Nate was missing? Some reason he did what he did?

Then he thought maybe he just wants to think there's some justification for the awful things the Institute does. Maybe he wants to think Porter is right, and they want to change how they interact with the Commonwealth.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

And now he's back to square one again.

Nate tapped the controls to slow the treadmill to a fast walk. This wasn't getting him anywhere, and he was almost ten miles in. His breath was coming in ragged heaves now and sweat was pouring from his forehead into his eyes. The distance would have disappointed him if it weren't for the last 24 hours.

What am I supposed to do about this?

The easiest answer would be to continue his current trajectory: help Li, Jackson, Isaiah, and the rest of the people trying to help the Synths. It wasn't the easiest just because it's the one he was already doing, but also because it was the one that felt right, morally.

Too many questions, not enough answers.

After five minutes of walking, the ex-soldier slowed the treadmill to a stop and stepped off. He grabbed a towel he had set on a chair beside it and wiped the sweat from his face.

No one else was in the Gym, which wasn't a surprise. Glancing at his Pipboy on the chair as well, the display read 2257. It was way too late, especially with what happened the day before, and the fact he'd be up around 0500 to get started on the day. He'd promised himself he'd wait until tomorrow to talk with Li about the results of their gamble, but his patience didn't have a long dwell time.

A few minutes of stretching later, Nate left the gym, heading for his room. Despite his best efforts, his mind was still racing, questions angrily crashing from one end to the other with no answers being offered. He felt as though he were being pulled in five different directions and he couldn't figure out which was best. The most infuriating thing about it was his own uncertainty.

How could he not know the best route to take? Things seemed pretty cut and dry: the Brotherhood was bad, but the Institute, the way it is, wasn't much better. So, beat the Brotherhood, and change the Institute for the better, right? It should be simple.

It should be.

Reaching his room, Nate showered and slipped into bed. It was funny how, after having slept in this nice, comfortable, warm bed for a few weeks, he could all of a sudden be reminded about how nice it is to have one after one night out. Hell, he hadn't slept in a bed for almost two months. Goes to show how quickly one can become used to relative luxuries.

The ex-soldier frowned. He just answered his question- or the largest one at least. Laying in a nice bed, safe from all of the horrors that lay above from the wildlife, to Raiders, Gunners, Ghouls, Supermutants, the Brotherhood, and whatever the hell else that wasteland wanted to throw at people… that was luxury. That was something most of those people probably never experienced before. Maybe the Institute can't get rid of all of the problems up there, but they can damn sure make them better.

Damon, in his own way, had wanted to help the people of at least Sanctuary. Nate told him he would stay, he would change the Institute, and he would make a difference.

As the ex-soldier's eyes drifted shut and he felt sleep start to take him, a small, contented smile crept across his face.

He would make a goddamn difference.

Sleep held little reprieve for Nate's racing thoughts. The only thing waiting for him once it took hold was more of the same: nightmares, watching horrid experiments being conducted on the word of his son, failing to do anything about it.

A new batch of 'subjects' were being operated on, turned into Supermutants, and Nate stood by, doing nothing. Images of the ones he and Damon had killed flashing through his mind, knowing those could have been innocent people the Institute had experimented on.

The memories and nightmares continued assailing him, with little organization or reason. The only thing he knew was he was horrified.

Then he was trapped out in the Commonwealth again, alone, cast out from the Institute, turned away by everyone else. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to survive?

Why was he supposed to survive? He'd failed everything. Nora was dead, Shaun was a monster, he betrayed the Railroad, and word had gotten back to Sanctuary, he was already banned from Goodneighbor and Diamond city… All he could do as the war between the Brotherhood and Institute was watch as it tore the Commonwealth apart.

Nate couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let everything that's led here, that he's done be in vain. Too many people have been hurt, too many people have died for him to fail. It's something he's thought countless times since watching that church drop on Damon.

But now, after someone else sacrificed themselves at his request, more than ever, he wasn't going to let that happen.

Not a chance in hell.

The ex-soldier's eyes fluttered open, and he rolled over to look at the clock beside his bed. 0415.

Dammit. He groaned. Another hour of sleep. That would have been nice. Waking up this early, especially after the last two days, was… unfortunate. He knew he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep though.

Sitting up, he yawned as his eyes drew in the darkened bedroom. Fixing things, or at least attempting to, was all that mattered. Those fears, those dreams- they were just things to get in the way. He needed to focus on helping Dr. Li, and along the way figure out how to change the Institute. Considering he'd pranced across a post-apocalyptic wasteland with a supersoldier from another universe, somehow finding his son after 60 years, that seemed like a cakewalk.

Nate flipped the sheets off of him and swung his legs off the bed.

How would he change the Institute? There were a few ways to do it, he supposed. The simplest would be if Porter was telling the truth, if Shaun really did want to begin helping the people of the Commonwealth. That was… dubious at best though.

As he stood, the infantryman felt his body tighten in protest. He may not have been old, but the last few days had been difficult.

The next best option would be to gather as much support on Li's side of this internal struggle. It would be longer, and riskier, but if they could do it, they would both be able to help the Synths and the Commonwealth.

Something Curie told him and Damon after rescuing her came to mind. The Synths alone would be a boon for the Commonwealth. With their programming and knowledge, they could dramatically improve conditions up there. Maybe they could start by finding some way to limit Ayo's ability to track them down? That would allow the Railroad to leave their memories intact-

Nate was getting ahead of himself. The people here had, no doubt, thought about that before. Wasting his time considering things people smarter than him were already working on would be no use. Maybe he could help, maybe not. Right now the best thing he can do is learn.

Well, maybe not right now considering they're probably all still asleep.

He didn't want to bother anyone this early, so instead, the ex-soldier decided this would be a decent enough opportunity to explore some of the upper levels he'd never been to before.

Getting dressed, Nate meandered the largely empty halls until he found a staircase that took him up toward the floors that were, supposedly, additional family housing. After 20 minutes of searching, that appeared to be the case. Level after level of uniform, white-washed corridors with the same indirect LED lighting stacked themselves above the main floors.

Nate would be lying to himself if he said he wasn't at least a little disappointed. It wasn't that he wanted them to hide something else from him, but a dozen levels of apartments wasn't exactly exciting.

After wandering for the better part of an hour, the ex-soldier found himself standing on the uppermost walkway crisscrossing the cavernous open space over the commons. For being underground, it really was an incredible view. The glass tube he and Damon had ridden down in when they first arrived stood in front of him, dominating the center of the expanse. The gaping hole where the SPARTAN had broken through during the Brotherhood assault had been repaired, so the impressive piece was whole once more.

Looking down at the 'ground' level far below, the walkway was high enough to give the ex-soldier a complete view of the various planters, pathways, other bridges, eating area, fountain- the entire hub of the Institute. More people were starting to mill around the commons, but it was still mostly empty. Were they trying to make this feel like an outside space? With the Institute members living underground their entire lives, they could have wanted somewhere they could go to feel… freed. Nate would certainly need it. He couldn't imagine living his life like that.

But considering what was above ground now…

The peace and quiet in his temporary perch was nice. Standing here, at the top of the Institute, Nate felt as though he were somehow separated from it, from everything it had come to represent for him. This place, for all of its issues, was incredible. The technological feats they'd achieved, especially given the circumstances, were a miracle.

And Shaun had been a huge part of that.

A modicum of pride and contentment settled in the back of his calming mind. Yes, this is a complicated situation, and Nate had made almost every mistake he could have to this point. He still had the chance to help though.

Standing so far above the bottom level, the ex-soldier almost felt as though he were above ground, looking down from one of the many towers that now stood in ruins.

The satisfaction didn't abate as he strode from the walkway and back toward the staircase that would lead him to the bottom floor. Nate may not have gotten there the most conventional way, and he would have done plenty of things differently along the way if given another chance, but he was somewhere he could make a difference.

And that's what matters.

X

"How are you feeling?" Madison asked as he entered her office.

Nate shrugged. "Well enough with what happened. It isn't the first time I've slept out there." Might be the hardest though.

"No, I guess not, but that was a… stressful situation."

"Yeah", he said, chuckling, "Damn near gave me a heart attack."

The ARD leader smiled. "I don't doubt it. From you and Jackson's accounts, however, it seems you handled things well. I very much appreciate you getting him back in one piece."

"I'd have never heard the end of it if I hadn't."

She nodded. "True. So you're here to learn what happened with Sam?" The ex-soldier nodded in return. "Her mind was wiped prior to recovery, so that portion of the operation was a success." The way the doctor said 'success' made it sound like the word was constructed of a dangerous substance that must be handled with care. "As for putting you in higher regards with Ayo and your son, I have not heard anything yet."

Figures. Getting the answer to that question was both a relief and sent another pang of guilt shooting through the ex-soldier. Their operation had been 'successful', but that meant Sam lost everything. It wasn't satisfying.

"I understand." He frowned. Jackson hadn't known for sure either way, but Li has been around the leadership a lot more than he has. It's possible she has better insight into whether what Helen had said might be true. "I wanted to ask you something else. Before we left, Dr. Porter told me Shaun intended to begin repairing relations with the Commonwealth once the war with the Brotherhood was over. She said he intends to begin providing assistance to them. Have you heard anything about that?"

Dr. Li blinked slowly, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "I haven't, no", she said equally as slowly.

"Do you think that's possible?"

"Yes, it's possible… but I don't know if I put much stock in it." Her eyes were suddenly sharp again, fixing him in their gaze. "Your son is certainly capable of deciding to do something like that, but it would be in contrast to everything the Institute has stood for, and how he has operated for the past 15 years. Are you having second thoughts about this?"

It was Nate's turn to hesitate. Was he having second thoughts about helping them? Helping the Synths? Well… he certainly had the night before, he couldn't lie about that, but it wasn't like he was going to stop. He has no idea what the truth actually is, considering how Shaun and Porter manipulated him before.

"I want to change things. What she told me… I don't know. Yes, I thought about it, but I have no clue if they're lying to me. I can't trust them after what they did the last time I believed what they said." The ex-soldier's jaw clenched and unclenched as he thought. How the hell was he supposed to know what the truth was?

"I'm going to talk with Shaun about it", he said, finally.

"Why?" Li's tone wasn't accusatory, and her face wasn't either, nor was it impassive. If anything the older woman looked intrigued.

"Because if it is true… it would make things easier on us." Easier for me. He smiled. "I think I'm still trying to make excuses for Shaun."

A hint of sympathy softened the doctor's expression. "Nate, your son- he's not a bad person, in fact he's been very good to me. I disagree with many of the decisions he makes, but that isn't just him. The Institute is an entity unto itself, and you have to remember most of the people here, including him and to an extent myself, are beholden to it. I am not trying to justify what has been done in its name, but it has operated this way for a long time. Eventually, those things become a force which perpetuates all on their own."

That made a lot of sense to Nate. Sometimes inanimate things, concepts take on a life of their own. Look what the world did to itself.

"I know… I know. It's just hard, not having been there, seeing what's happened and thinking 'what if I had?" He offered a weak smile. "I missed my son's life. Even if I know that isn't my fault… it's something I can't ever get back."

The ARD director met his gaze with a solemn one of her own. "I never had any children, but I understand. I-" She fell silent, brow furrowed, like she didn't know if she wanted to say what she was thinking."

"It's okay", Nate said, holding up a hand.

"It isn't- well it isn't a secret", she said, chewing on each word. "During my time with the Brotherhood, working on Project Purity, I- someone there was… important to me. But he fell in love with a different woman and they had a son together. James- that was his name, James, he lost heart after she died, and left. The project fell apart after that. I blamed him for a long time. Then one day his son shows up and helps James restart the whole project. I don't think I'd ever seen someone so proud as James was of his son." Madison met his eyes again, this time an old, painful sadness deep within them. "He died to defend Project Purity, to keep it out of the hands of the Enclave. I understand what it means to someone when they care for their child, and when they believe in something."

It took the ex-soldier several seconds to process what Dr. Li had said. It wasn't the first time she discussed Project Purity, nor was it the first time she talked about the cost to finish it. But it was the first time she told him what she lost to finish it.

Saying 'I'm sorry' would have been an empty platitude. She didn't need his pity, she told him what she did because she knew, at least in part, how he felt.

"Thank you."

Madison nodded before gathering herself once again. "I say that because I believe you want to help, want to make things better, in the same way you care for your son. You don't have to choose one or the other, so long as you do the right thing."

The right thing? Nate blinked. "... And in this case the right thing is helping the Synths."

"That is what I believe, yes, but if we want to make lasting changes, it will take more than helping the odd Synth escape into the Commonwealth."

So this is something she's been thinking about for a long time. The ex-soldier chastised himself. Of course she had. She's been here for a decade, and clearly has ambitions to help people. The idea he was the first person to think of changing the Institute for the better was selfish.

"Is that why you agreed with my idea for Sam? Because you think I can do more the closer I am to Shaun?"

The ARD leader nodded again. "And it will give you the opportunity to help your son. I'll admit, that isn't my primary goal for doing this, but if it helps you at least come to terms with what's happened, then I think it's a good idea."

At least she was being open with her intentions, that was more than could be said for his son.

"By the end of this I'm going to owe you more than I'll ever be able to pay back."

"No", Li said with a small smile. "This isn't about payment, it's about making a difference. After all, isn't that what we all want to do in our lives?"

"Yeah…" Nate nodded. "Yeah, I guess it is."

It was good to know someone else was thinking the same way he was. Hell, the ex-soldier didn't doubt most of the people Li had convinced to follow her thought the same way. It was little wonder she made such a good leader.

"So I think we should begin implementing our next move", she continued. "I haven't discussed this with you since we're still working out the details, but we need to re-establish communications with the Railroad. They've gone to ground since the ambush, but there have still been signs of movement." The older woman tapped on her desk. "Besides feeding them new escapes, the most important thing we can do for them is provide information about the Brotherhood, and our engagements with them. Not only do they need to remain clear, but they're quite good at moving unnoticed, and striking hot spots in a pinch."

Striking hot spots in a pinch…? Equipment? Conventional and laser weaponry? Ambush tactics?

"Did they hit that Brotherhood caravan?"

Li shook her head. "No, that was a little too obvious, plus they'll be maintaining a low profile for a while now. The last time the Institute found their headquarters, it didn't go well for them."

Damn. The information wouldn't have changed much, but at least they would have known whoever put that ambush together wasn't likely to attack them too. "Okay, so how do you suppose we go about this?"

"Come with me", she said, standing, "there are a few other people who have already been putting together a plan. Jackson's impromptu inclusion in your last mission gave them an idea, and I believe we already have a few volunteers."

Volunteers? To go through field exercises?

Nate followed the ARD leader from her office and back through the now bustling development wing to the firing range. Even as they approached, the ex-soldier could hear the booming reports of conventional weapons' fire through the insulated walls ahead. That was a promising development, both because it meant their new guns were working, and people were familiarizing themselves with them.

As they neared the door, Li pressed a button beside it, and a loud buzzer sounded on the other side. A few moments later, the gunfire trickled to a halt and, once it stopped completely, she keyed the door open.

Inside were three techs setting the guns they'd been shooting down in the stalls. Beside each of them was a rack of a dozen more rifles. They were starting to produce these things quickly. That was promising.

Li waved him forward. "Nate, meet Jessica, Grant, and Kurt."

All three were young and fit, wearing the same white and blue coveralls as the rest of the ARD staff. With the same shade of brown hair, about the same heights, and faces that were slightly rounded, the three of them could have been siblings.

Are they Synths?

"They have volunteered to join you as field operatives", the division leader continued.

"It's good to meet you, Nate", Grant said in a light, clear voice.

The ex-soldier nodded. Enthusiasm was good, but they needed steel to go with it. He found for himself, without Damon to act as a buffer, the Commonwealth was a terrifying place.

"Likewise." The ex-soldier offered a friendly smile. It was the least he could do considering he was about to start grilling them.

"So why do you want to go out in the field?"

"First and foremost, it's to help", Jessica answered.

"That's always a good start, but if you need any evidence about how dangerous it can be up there, just ask Jackson."

Jessica nodded. "We all understand that, and we know the experience we have so far wouldn't prepare us for it." She looked at the other two. "But we're willing to try anyway. It's the least we can do to help the Synths here and the people of the Commonwealth." The young woman paused again, frowning. "And considering what Sam gave up, we need to make sure you have the best opportunity possible to succeed. That means more experienced people up there with you to watch your back. We all look up to her. Sam is the one who brought me in."

Another wave of emotion washed over Nate. It wasn't all guilt though. In fact, very little of it was. The more he learned about these people, about this effort, the more he felt as though he belonged. Nate could see the same determination in Jessica's voice in the eyes of the other two scientists. That would help, but knowing they had realistic ideas of what they were signing up for was a relief.

"I'm glad to hear it." They needed to plan some easier operations to ease all of them into working in the field, including Nate. He turned to Li. "Do we have any training resources down here?"

She nodded. "We have BMI simulations we can put them through. They aren't perfect…" she trailed off, glancing at Kurt who adopted a sheepish smile. "They aren't perfect, but we can at least give them some exposure so they aren't going in completely blind."

"Is there a reason we don't use them already?"

The technician cleared his throat. "They're mostly experimental at this point, still in the testing phase. We've made a lot of progress on them though, so they're safe. At least."

That sounds promising.

"Okay, then we have a good place to start. I plan to help Brown implement a training regiment. We won't have much time, so I intend to start actual work tomorrow." He smiled. It wasn't friendly. "I hope you're ready."

After another minute or so speaking with the three scientists, Li led Nate back out of the shooting range and allowed them to resume their testing.

"They're good", she said as they strode through the well-lit halls. "I know operating under pressure here isn't the same as being shot at, but if any of our people can be successful up there, it's them."

Madison had seen her fair share of hardship and combat. Maybe it hadn't been in the Commonwealth, but she'd been through a war of her own with this 'Enclave'. If she thought so, he'd trust her judgment.

"I like them. It's reassuring to hear they know they aren't prepared for what they're going to find up there."

Li nodded. "Everyone has been reading the reports, especially the latest one on Sam's recovery." She stopped when they reached her office. "I have a few things to sort out, but I will be at this morning's meeting. As you said, we will have to operate on a very short timetable to get them ready to go out into the Commonwealth. We need to impress that upon Ayo and Father."

"Yep", the ex-soldier nodded in return. "And I think we need to emphasize the establishment of those safe houses too. Gives us a little reprieve so maybe we don't sleep in a bombed-out ghost of one again."

A small smile crept across the older woman's face. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"I left it back in that house."

X

By the time the morning planning meeting rolled around, Nate was downright eager to begin discussing their next move. As the dozen or so people who had become involved with these filed into the conference room, the ex-soldier was already there, standing over the map they'd established for their proposed safehouses. While Li was 100% right about expediting training, it would be useless without static FOBs, even if they were little more than places to rest and resupply.

"Have we had any new developments from our observation teams", the infantryman asked to get the ball rolling.

Isaiah, who had become their de facto intel officer, shook his head. "Nothing substantial yet. One of the teams to the north station at…" he glanced at his notes "the Higby farm reported increased guard traffic, and a few more Vertibird flights in the area, but that's all."

"Considering their responses so far", Weller said, "I don't think we should expect them to move too quickly. The Brotherhood has been handling this situation with extreme caution. If they were to make any dramatic moves this quickly, that would be a surprise."

"Agreed", Brown interjected. "Based on the few glimpses we've gotten into the airport, we believe they have significant resources stored in reserve, so they most likely will not be desperate yet. They'll prioritize their units' safety. We expect them to take things slow, and reduce their footprint temporarily, before spreading back out with more secure transportation."

"Has there been any more information on whoever ambushed the I-73 caravan?"

Again, Isaiah shook his head. "A reconnaissance team scouted the area again yesterday night, but nothing came up. I don't think we'll get any more clues from that attack site."

That made sense. The ambush had been two days ago now, and any evidence they hadn't found would most likely be useless now.

"Okay then, the next order of business is to discuss our development of safety and resupply locations." Nate gestured at the map. "It's going to be important these are supplied and secure before we have a significant above-ground presence."

Weller nodded. "We currently have 15 safehouses established, with at least two Synths posted to each." He walked forward and indicated the locations. Most were centered on the suburbs around Boston, which was a good first step. There were a lot of potential candidates, and the area was relatively uncontested. Add that in with the large area, it was unlikely those safe houses would be found let alone raided. Even if they were discovered, the area was sparsely populated, so it wouldn't be too surprising to see someone there.

"We've slowed the deployment down because of the focus on bolstering our fighting forces", the older, balding scientist continued.

"And what about the supply caches?"

"Those are well accounted for. 27 have been hidden so far, with another 12 planned before the end of next week. I have been working with Thomas and Isaiah to put together copies of their locations to be provided to our field teams."

Nate suppressed a smile. Having backup infrastructure to allow anyone up in the Commonwealth to operate independently of the Institute hadn't been the ex-soldier's idea, but he appreciated its utility nonetheless. It would take immense pressure off of the Molecular Relay, and give them more options for when shit hits the fan.

"We need those lists ready by the beginning of next week. I intend to begin above-ground exercises as soon as possible."

A thoughtful frown drifted across Weller's face, but he nodded. "Two days should be enough time."

"Good." Now to the part Nate really wanted to get to. "Brown, what information have you compiled for our training regiment?"

"Ah", the older woman said, a wry smile on her face. "We did not have significant stores of training documentation, but I have been able to piece together basic training routines the US Marine Corps used prior to the War. For the more complicated information, I believe you are our best resource."

The infantryman expected as much. "That's fine. We can go through it today. Putting a crash course together shouldn't be a problem."

"Agreed", Brown said.

"We, apparently, have several volunteers already, and I believe I heard the ARD is working on some sort of simulator." He glanced at Dr. Li. "So we should be able to start training soon. It will also help us figure out what kind of squad dynamics we will want to implement in the regular and Courser forces."

Despite himself, Nate was excited. He'd never been a DI, but he'd been tortured enough by them, the thought of inflicting that pain on someone else was… amusing. He wasn't above a little schadenfreude. On top of that, this is something he's good at. Almost 20 years' experience will do that.

The ex-soldier leaned forward, resting his hands on the table. "Once we get this sorted out, and field teams trained, we'll get a lot more flexibility, and this fight really gets started."

A/N: So we have a bit of clarity, or at least Nate does. This is something I had to think hard about, both how I wanted to handle it and how to write it. Obviously, there are things at play here that Nate... struggles with. Considering the circumstances, I think his decision wasn't entirely based in a healthy consideration of the situation, but we'll see where it leads to! I'll see everyone next week!

Next Chapter: 5/20, A Plan Unfolding