Chapter 7

Elain stared at herself in the vanity mirror. What had happened in the kitchen last night had played through her mind a million times since she had returned to her room and tried to sleep until dawn. She had allowed Lucien to hold her there on that bench until he'd gotten himself under control enough to loosen his hold on her, and she had slipped back to the floor. He hadn't wanted to let her go entirely however, so she had allowed him to hold her hand as she'd walked back up to her bedroom. Elain had been unsure of what would happen when they reached her door, but Lucien had released her and stepped back, giving her the space to open her door and step inside. She had looked back at him to see him just watching her, and she had told him that she would see him in the morning. She had then closed the door and stood listening as he had retreated to his own room before she moved back to her bed. All night she had listened to his heart through the stones, and she knew that the feeling of embarrassment and mortification that kept flooding her was coming from him.

Until last night, Elain hadn't properly realised how hard this whole situation must have been for him. She'd known that he'd felt the bond more keenly than she had, but she had not realised how much, or how strongly it could drive him. She had felt him struggle against it, even with her pressed to his chest, and she fully intended to ask him if it was like that all the time. She hoped not, because that would make the whole thing just entirely too cruel. Elain wondered if she should ask Feyre if anything like last night had happened to her, or if Rhys had dealt with trying to control himself in such a way. She suspected that Lucien would probably appreciate it if it remained just between the two of them, however.

How had she known what to do? Elain had no doubt now that her decision to move toward Lucien when she realised what was happening had been the right decision to make. She might not have known exactly what she was doing at the time, but she could see that giving him the opportunity to touch her, to hold her, had been what had helped him to get control of that need that he had been struggling to leash. Perhaps that, too, had come from the bond. She really did need to know more about this.

Lucien paced the hallway. He had not slept a wink after what had happened last night. He had tried for hours, and then he had gone searching every bookshelf in the house to see if Rhys had copies of the books he'd mentioned to Elain the day before. He'd come up with several that she would probably enjoy, and he had discovered that the High Lord of the Night Court had only one. So, as soon as he knew the stores in Velaris were open, he'd gone into the city to find the others. He had returned not long ago, and he was now trying to work up the courage to knock on Elain's door.

He had no idea if she would even see him. He certainly didn't deserve it after the way he had behaved in the kitchen the night before. He couldn't believe he had just grabbed her the way he had to lift her to that bench. Running a hand over his face, Lucien groaned. "Shit."

He needed to try. He needed to do this before the rest of the house was up and active and someone found out and killed him before he got his apology out. He needed to not be a coward. He didn't know what he would say to her. He could promise that it would never happen again, but he wouldn't lie to her. He did not know that he could promise that, because the next time she was strolling around the house smelling the way she had, it probably would happen again. What had she been thinking walking around like that anyway? She could have come across anyone. Granted, it was highly unlikely that anyone else would have reacted they way that he had, but just the thought of Elain coming across anyone else even just wearing that tiny nightdress set his blood alight. Snarling at himself to pull it the fuck together, Lucian tugged his hand through his hair. He was scared, he realised. He was scared that he'd ruined the gentle friendship that he had begun to build with Elain. She had been comfortable with him. If last night had shattered that, he didn't know what he would do. So, he was scared of knocking on her door only to find out that she didn't want to speak to him.

He would do whatever it took to make up for what he had done. He knew that. He would beg, do whatever she asked of him. He'd crawl through hell if he had to.

The knock on Elain's door was not unexpected and she eyed it for a moment before calling for him to come in. She would have known it was Lucien, even if she hadn't been able to hear his terrified heart right through the door. He didn't quite meet her eyes when he opened the door, and she turned in her seat to look at him.

"Come in…" she gestured for him to actually enter the room rather than stand at the door, and he did so, gently closing the door behind himself. He looked tired, and Elain was suddenly certain that he hadn't slept at all. "Lucien…" she began, getting to her feet.

"Please." He murmured. Elain stopped and just looked at him. Slowly, he lifted his gaze, that metallic eye whirring as he evidently tried to read her. "I am so sorry…"

"It's okay." She told him gently.

"It's not."

"Lucien."

"No…" he shook his head, looking frustrated, "I hate… I hate what I did." She watched him try to figure out what he was saying, "I… that is not…" he raked a hand through his hair, "I know that I say things that I shouldn't… but what I do… that is not something that…"

Elain moved toward him and his eyes widened in shock, but he didn't step back from her like he had last night. "I know that you couldn't help it." She said, "I know that you fought for control. And I know that it was hard."

"You walked toward it." He breathed, looking at her through narrowed eyes. "Why?"

"I don't know." She replied, "Running away seemed like a bad idea. And… I could see you struggling. I wanted…" her eyes moved over his face. "I thought I could help."

"You did help." He told her, "How did you know that it would work?"

"I didn't."

"Elain…" She felt shame coming off of him then, "I swear that I never would have forced myself on you…" he shook his head "I promise. Never…"

"I know that."

She saw doubt cross his features, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Lucien." She replied firmly, her words from the previous night coming back to her. Please, don't… "Do I need to remind you that I didn't fight you?" she asked, "I went to you, and I made what I did not want clear. At no point did I worry that you would not listen to me."

His relief was clear. Elain could see it in his face, and the way he stood. "I'm still sorry… and I'm embarrassed."

"You don't have to be. Is it always like that?" she asked, "That… intense?"

He shook his head. "No… It's always… there. It's stronger when I'm near you." His eyes moved around her room, "But last night, when you walked into the kitchen…" his gaze slid back to hers, "You smelled like…"

Elain felt her cheeks heat. "Right…"

"It just slammed into me. I wasn't prepared."

"And now?" she asked, "If it happened again…?"

He shifted uncomfortably, but Elain waited for his reply. "I… don't know." He said softly, "Perhaps the same thing would work. If I could just touch you…" Elain nodded and his gaze slid to the floor between them. "I would understand if you don't want-" he broke off when Elain strode forward and went up on her toes to throw her arms around his neck. After a moment, his free arm settled around her waist, and she waited until she heard his heart slow down a little before she released him.

When she stepped back, she looked up at him. "If you can stand being around me," she began and he frowned, "then I would prefer it if you didn't start avoiding me."

"As you wish, Petal." He replied, and Elain smiled in relief, satisfied that he wasn't about to just disappear out of some misguided attempt to avoid hurting her.

"Does that mean you're still going to help me clear that garden out…?" She grinned when he nodded. "Good…"

"Also…" he held out several books that he'd had tucked under one arm, "These are what I was thinking of yesterday when you told me about the other one you're reading." He looked at the book sitting on her bed. "Is this it?" he went to pick it up, but Elain jumped in front of him when she realised that the book he was about to pick up was not the mystery she had told him about, but rather the book that Nesta had given her.

"That'snotit." She said hastily.

The smirk Lucien gave her told her he knew exactly what kind of book it was. "Really?" he asked, and she had the distinct impression that he was using that golden eye to look right through her at the book she held behind her back. "And is that what you were reading last night before your little walk downstairs…?"

"Maybe…" Elain was pretty sure she had turned a colour that could rival his hair in vibrance. She also could have sworn that her answer had unlocked something else in Lucien that had relaxed. He gave her another smirk and tried to reach around her to grab the book but she leaned away, shielding it with her body. "No…"

"I'm curious to know what got you so worked up…"

"No…" she tucked it under the covers, and then set the others he had given her atop it. She momentarily considered sitting atop the lot of it, but he would probably just pick her up anyway.

"Okay," he gave a dramatic sigh, "But if you want to bring it outside later for a little bookclub session out in the sun, I wouldn't be opposed…"

"Not going to happen." She folded her arms. Looking then at the pile of books on her bed, she smiled. "Thank you… for this." She touched the one on top and glanced quickly back up at Lucien's face. He looked from the books to her.

"No problem." His eyes moved across her face for several moments before he glanced at the door. "We should… get down to breakfast before Nesta comes to find you and skins me for being in here."

Elain nodded her agreement. It was a possibility. "You're right." She watched as he gave her another smile before heading for the door and slipping quietly out into the hall. After a few minutes, Elain followed him, hoping that things between them really hadn't been changed by the events of the previous night for the worse. She had been enjoying their developing friendship, and she didn't want to lose it. She didn't want him to leave again.

Author's Note:

Thanks to whoever is reading this. Let me know what you think so far?