Chapter 9

Elain sat, her arms wrapped around herself, in the cool night air of the garden. It was dark, and quiet, and the stars twinkled overhead, almost as if she had company. She had heard Mor leave the house, and then Amren not long after that. She suspected Cassian and Azriel had also made themselves scarce, and she wondered what had happened in the sitting room since she had walked out. She had been more than a little surprised at Lucien's reaction to Rhys' announcement that she would be accompanying him to the various courts. He knew that she wished to see them, and she would have thought he'd have been pleased to have her go with him, no matter how unpleasant his family were.

If she hadn't heard his heart growing louder, she might have been surprised when a coat descended around her shoulders, warm from where he'd clearly just taken it off. She looked up when he sat beside her on the stone bench. "You're upset." Lucien said softly.

Elain turned her head to look at him, taking in the tightness around his eyes. "You're angry." She returned.

Lucien sighed, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, nodding silently.

"Why?" she asked, "I… thought you'd be pleased to have me coming with you…" She watched as he straightened, turning to look at her. He lifted a hand, as if to touch her, but appeared to think better of it.

"It's not about not wanting you with me, Petal."

"Then what is it about?"

"I … don't want you to get hurt."

"You'll protect me, won't you?"

"Of course."

"Then I'll be fine."

An odd look passed across his sharp features and Elain felt a heavy surge of sorrow and bitterness wash over her down the bond. "… what did Feyre tell you?" he asked, "About… why I left the Autumn Court?"

Elain shook her head. "Your father killed someone you loved."

Lucien looked away, his metallic eye clicking and whirring as he glanced around, searching for something to focus on. He didn't say anything for a long time, and Elain found herself actively seeking the bond for the first time. If she could somehow figure out how… "Her name…" Lucien murmured, "was Jesminda."

Elain went still, her eyes on his face as he turned to look at her. Pain was evident in every feature of his face and she remained silent, giving him space to continue.

"She was a Lesser Faerie…" he said the words with a sneer, "And my father did not think it was appropriate for High Fae, especially one of his sons, to marry beneath them like that…"

"You were going to marry her?" Elain asked softly and he nodded, now looking at his hands. Swallowing a flush of unexpected jealousy, Elain shifted slightly closer on the bench. "So he killed her?"

"He had her executed in front of me." Lucien replied, his voice devoid of any emotion. "He caught us before we could leave, had my brothers hold me down, and…" he shook his head, going silent again.

"Lucien…" Elain stared at him in horror. "I'm sorry… That… I…" she didn't know what to say. Instead, she reached out a hand to him. The instant she touched his skin, however, something else rushed down the bond at her and her ears began to ring.

Elain stood in a large hall before a long dais. Cold stone and dark wood rose around the walls, making the whole room look important and imposing, but an instant later it was the people surrounding her that caught her attention. Kneeling on the stone floor was a sobbing female faerie, her skin the colour of rosewood and her features pointy and feral. "Lucien…" the faerie cried, her eyes looking past Elain who turned and froze.

Lucien, younger than she had seen him, without the scar that had become so familiar to her, and with two of his own eyes, was being held on his own knees on the stone floor as he struggled against the two other redheaded males who held him there. Elain stared. The bond was showing her this she realised. This was Lucien's memory. She was in his memory, but not his mind…

"When will you learn?"

Elain turned her eyes on a tall faerie with brown hair standing nearby. His eyes were on Lucien and a sneer worked its way onto his face as he moved closer.

"Let her go." Lucien panted, struggling to get to his feet again, "Let her go and you can punish me…"

"Oh, I will." Elain figured this was Beron, "You had your chance to get rid of her. I told you. I warned you there would be consequences."

"It's not her fault." Lucien wrenched at his brothers' grip, but couldn't get free, "It's my fault. Let her go, please…" he all but whimpered the final word as his brothers forced him forward onto the floor, and Beron gestured to one of the guards standing sentry by the double doors nearby. "No!"

Elain looked away from Lucien and back to Jesminda who had begun sobbing again when she realised what was about to happen. She tried to crawl away, but the guard seized her by her dark hair and yanked her back. Elain took several hasty steps forward, before stopping, realising that there was nothing she could do. This was just a memory.

"NO!" Lucien screamed again, trying to get free, and Elain flinched when one of his brothers, who were clearly struggling to hold on to him kicked him in the ribs before forcing him to the stones again. "No… Jes…"

Elain shook her head. She didn't want to see this. She felt sick.

Beron stalked closer, his eyes still on Lucien, as if Jesminda was beneath his notice at all. "You will watch…"

Lucien ignored him altogether, trying to crawl across the floor now. "Jes…"

"Hold him." Beron snapped at his elder sons and they bent to yank him back up to his knees, both arms twisted high behind his back so he could do nothing but watch as the guard who had hold of Jesminda pulled her hair back to expose her throat. Jesminda sobbed harder, her bony fingers scratching uselessly at the guards hand in her hair, and Elain watched with horror as the guard drew a long blade from his belt.

"Jesminda…" Lucien's voice sounded strange, but commanded attention and the female faerie's eyes went directly to him. "Look at me." He said, holding her gaze. "Just look at me…"

She did, keeping her dark eyes on him as the guard brought his blade down before her. "I love you." Jesminda said softly before that blade was ripped across her throat, and Elain spun away with a cry, covering her face with her hands. She heard Lucien's anguished scream and she shifted her hands to her ears, wanting it to stop.

"Elain!" Hands shook her and Elain found herself sitting on the grass in the garden, Lucien kneeling before her, his hands on her arms. The second she saw him she burst into tears, before scrambling away to be sick in a garden bed. "… what?" he asked, "…what did you just see?"

Elain just cried, trying not to vomit on her hair. She felt him behind her a moment later, his hands gathering her hair back from her face and holding it gently. "I'm sorry." She sobbed.

"…I don't understand what just happened."

"I… I didn't mean to…" When she was sure she wouldn't vomit again, Elain sat back on her heels. He let go of her hair and came to sit before her again, looking at her with concern.

"Tell me what happened."

"I don't know." She could feel tears continuing to fall, sliding down her face and she wiped them away, trying not to look at him, but failing to do so. "I… just touched you and then…" She saw the moment he worked it out.

"No…"

Elain tried to choke back a sob, and she nodded. The devastation that filled his face brought a fresh wave of tears and she gave up fighting it, and just cried, throwing herself forward to wrap her arms tightly around his neck. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry… How could they do that?" Lucien didn't answer her, but she felt him shake his head and one of his arms went around her waist.

She let him lift her to her feet, before he apparently came to the conclusion that she wasn't about to walk anywhere, and he swept her up into his arms to carry her inside. Elain just cried as he carried her up to her bedroom, kicking the door shut behind them with his foot. Lucien set her carefully on her bed before striding into the bathroom. Elain heard him filling the tub before he appeared again.

"You'll feel better after a hot bath." he said gently. She just stared up at him. How could he just go about his business every day after having had that done to him? Blinking, Elain reminded herself that what she had seen had happened a long, long time ago. Another tear fell, streaking its way down her cheek and Elain's breath caught when Lucien strode toward her and carefully brushed it away. "I'm sorry that you saw that…"

"No…" she murmured, "I… I understand why you got to angry at Rhys…"

Lucien nodded. "I can't… I can't take it again."

Elain lowered her eyes. She did want a bath. She knew that she wasn't done crying, and it felt a bit ridiculous crying in front of Lucien when he had been the one to live it, while she had only been an observer. "I'm sorry…" she murmured, "It was private…" she looked at him again, "But I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay. You should know anyway…" He let out a low breath, "I had intended to tell you… Not like that, but I had wanted you to know."

Elain got to her feet. She stepped closer to him again until she could go up on her toes to hug him. "If you want to tell me about her later, I'd like to hear it." She said before releasing him.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You want to hear about Jesminda?"

She nodded again. "If you want to tell me."

"Later." He agreed, running a hand through his hair. "Your bath sounds ready."

"Okay. Goodnight…" She watched as he quickly left the room, before she went into the bathroom and struggled out of her dress before she could settle herself into the tub. Sinking into the warm water, Elain allowed the tears to come again. She cried for Lucien, for what had been done to him by his own family just for loving someone his father hadn't approved of, and she cried for the poor faerie who had been killed because she had loved him. When she was finally able to breathe without more tears coming, Elain wondered why the bond had seen fit to show her that whole horrible scene at all.

Author's Note:

DO let me know what you think!