Chapter 10

The gentle knock on Lucien's door the next morning surprised him, and he opened it hesitantly. Part of him had thought it might have been Rhys wanting to speak to him about the previous night, but he was pleasantly surprised to see Elain standing in his doorway. When his brain got over the surprise, he remembered the way he had left her in her bedroom, tearstained and horrified, and he remembered what she had seen. Before he could ask her if she was okay, however, she had spoken.

"Will you come into the city with me?"

"Of course, Petal." He tried to remain light-hearted, but anxiety clawed at him. "…is something wrong?"

"No." she shook her head slightly, "Just… thought we might get breakfast at that bakery…"

Lucien nodded, looking her over. She was already dressed and clearly ready to go. "Now?"

"Yes…" She held out his jacket, the one he had put on her in the garden last night. Well, she knew what she wanted. Lucien took the jacket and put it on, stepping out into the hallway with her and pulling the bedroom door closed.

"Okay, then."

Lucien walked beside Elain, heading for the bakery she favoured. They hadn't spoken much since leaving the house, but he could feel her eyes on him every few moments, and he wondered how her opinions on him had changed since that little vision she'd had last night. Did she think he could have saved Jesminda? Did she think he could have done more?

By the time they had reached the bakery and placed their orders before finding a pleasant spot to sit outside by the river and wait for their food, Lucien had built up an impressive bank of questions he had no answers to. He looked at Elain as she waved to a passer-by with a smile. It was evident that the people here knew who she was, and they liked her. How could they not? As someone else walked past their table and greeted her with warmth, Lucien watched the way she gave a genuine smile in return. It was as if she were the most beautiful flower in the garden, attracting all the bees.

"What made you want to come and have breakfast here instead of at the house?" he asked. Those warm brown eyes turned his way and Lucien saw something else fill them as she looked at him.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Ah." He murmured. It was clear she had something she wanted to say to him without the others overhearing. Elain tilted her head, however.

"Why do you look like you think I'm about to punch you in the face?"

Lucien gave a surprised bark of a laugh. "Do I?"

"Yes."

"I just want to talk to you about The Autumn Court."

"Oh…" He frowned lightly. "You still want to go?"

"I do."

He forced himself to look up and meet her eyes. "I understand why you don't want me to go." She said, "I do.. and I'm sorry that it causes you alarm..." She paused when their food was placed before them before giving the faerie who had served them a bright smile of thanks, "Lucien, I think that it's important. It's important to do everything we can to ensure that all the courts continue to feel united… even if it is through my silly book idea."

"It's not silly." He told her softly. "It's a good idea. And, you're right, it is important. I just…"

"I know."

Lucien nodded and turned his eyes on his breakfast.

Elain watched Lucien push his food around his plate, clearly struggling with whatever thoughts were swirling around his busy mind. "… will your mother be there?"

He looked up at her words, that metal eye glinting in the morning sun. "My mother?"

"When we go to the Autumn Court. Will she be there?" She smiled, but then felt sorrow and longing wash over him and down the bond. He missed her greatly.

"I think so." He said softly. "I don't see why she wouldn't be…"

"I'm sure she'll be pleased to see you…"

Elain's heart lifted slightly when he smiled then. "Yes…" She smiled back at him, and then began pulling apart the small danish on her plate, trying to work up the courage to ask her next question. "Would you tell me about Jesminda?" Her eyes flicked quickly up to Lucien's face and then back to her plate. He was silent for a while before he replied.

"What would you like to know?"

Elain wanted to know if he was still in love with her, but it was not fair to ask that question. "… what was she like?"

The corner of Lucien's mouth quirked up in a smile. "Wild." He said. "She was the first thing you would notice when entering a room. No matter where you were or who else was there, it was always her." Elain watched his face light up, his russet eye bright. "She didn't care who I was. Right from when we met, she didn't see the High Lord's son, she just saw me." Tears filled Elain's eyes and she blinked them away before he could see.

"You loved her." She said softly.

"Yes." Lucien met her eyes. "Very much." Elain swallowed another unexpected twinge of jealousy at the heat behind those words.

"She loved you." She knew that was true. "I could tell…"

"I know." He murmured. "She refused to stop seeing me. I told her what my father had said, I knew that he would hurt her, and I told her for her own good that she should forget me. But, she wouldn't. So, we were going to leave…"

"I'm sorry…"

Elain bit her lip when he suddenly looked up at her again. "What exactly did you see?"

"It was your memory." She told him. "But, not from your perspective. It was as if I was just someone else in the room. An observer." She frowned, "But I couldn't have done anything…"

"Why did it show you that?" She knew he meant the bond.

"I don't know." Elain shook her head.

"It was cruel to show you."

"Maybe…" Elain began, "Maybe it thought it would help me understand you better."

"By showing you one of the worst moments of my life?"

Elain held his gaze. "By showing me that you have endured unimaginable cruelty, but have not become cruel yourself." She said, "You're not cold or closed off. You feel everything, react to everything around you… You're kind…" She closed her mouth to force herself to stop speaking. He was looking at her with interest.

"Can I ask you something?" he was watching her warily, and Elain nodded. "Graysen…" Lucien said his name hesitantly and, Elain thought, possibly, through clenched teeth.

"What about him?" she asked, surprised that she'd felt nothing at the mention of his name.

"Do you wish you were married to him?" He sounded casual, but Elain wondered if he was even breathing. He was so very still.

She continued pulling the danish apart on her plate, considering. "… No." she eventually replied, looking back up at him to see his reaction. "I don't love him anymore."

Lucien didn't even try to hide his surprised reaction. His eyebrows shot up, and he stared at her. "I… I'm sorry." He eventually replied, "I'm sorry you lost the future you wanted."

Elain couldn't look away from him. "I didn't want a life behind those walls." She said gently, "I wanted safety, and security." She paused for a moment, "I like this better."

"This?" Lucien asked. Elain gestured around them and he nodded, his gaze dropping to the table. "Ah." He looked up again after a moment. "Is this your home, then?"

Elain looked around them, she watched several people walk past and then cast her eyes toward the Sidra winding through Velaris. "This is Feyre's home." She said gently, "So I'll always feel welcome. I don't know what Nesta wants, but… this isn't my home. I've not found my place." She looked back to Lucien, finding him watching her intently. She stared at him, and he stared back, and she knew that he didn't have a home either. "We'll find it someday." She told him. "Home." Deep longing crept toward her down the bond, and she gave him a small smile.

Author's Note:

Let me know your thoughts, guys.