Chapter 29

Unable to take his eyes off of his mother, Lucien turned to keep her in his sight as she moved around the room. The bathroom door clicked closed as Elain disappeared inside, no doubt to give them some privacy, and worry began to seed itself inside of him.

"What's wrong?" He asked, wanting her to just tell him. He took several steps toward her. "Did father do something?" The look she gave him stopped Lucien cold and he just stood looking at her.

"I…" she ran a frustrated hand through her hair, and Lucien grew more worried.

"Are you hurt?" he asked, and she shook her head.

"No… I've been dreading this..."

"Dreading what?"

He blinked when she moved toward him, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders as she pushed him back slightly. "Sit down."

"Okay." He sat on the edge of the bed, and she kept her hands on his shoulders as he looked up at her. "What is it?" he lifted his own hand to her sleeve, his attention caught on the regret in her eyes.

"I never told you this to keep you safe." She said gently, one of her hands coming up and smoothing his hair as she had when he was small. "As long as you didn't know, I was allowed to keep you with me." Lucien just stared up at her, worry growing within him.

"Know what?" he asked.

His mother frowned, clearly trying to work up the courage to say whatever it was she had been keeping from him. Lucien just waited, his eyes never leaving her face. "Ah…" she stroked his hair again, "Beron… is not your father." Her russet eyes met his and Lucien was sure he stopped breathing.

"…what?"

Her face crumpled and she dropped to her knees before him, taking both of his hands tightly in hers. "I'm sorry." She breathed, looking up into his face. "I'm sorry I never told you that, but it was one of his conditions. You could stay here and I could keep you with me if you believed that you were his and he could pass you off as another of his own sons…"

Lucien just stared at her. "…what?" he drew a breath as another thought occurred to him. "…who? Then, who is my father?"

"Helion."

Lucien sat back, reeling. "Helion? The High Lord of Day?"

Ashk held more tightly to his hands, not letting him pull away. "Yes… I knew him when I was young… we…" she shook her head, "I loved him…"

"You had an affair with him?"

Tears fell from his mother's eyes as she looked at him. "I loved him… and Beron was so angry when he found out. I thought he would kill you… but when you were born you looked like me, and enough like the others to pass as one of them. As one of his."

Reaching forward, Lucien brushed the tears from his mother's face. "Why are you telling me?"

"You're safe now." She breathed, her eyes wide. "You have the protection of the Night Court. Rhysand and his High Lady…"

Lucien just blinked, his mind racing. He barely noticed her lifting a hand to his cheek, her thumb tracing his right cheekbone.

"I'm sorry, love." She whispered, her eyes firmly on his own, "I love you so much…"

"I love you." He murmured in response. She threw herself forward then, her arms going tightly around him and he breathed in her familiar chestnut scent.

"You're still my Little Lucien…" she murmured, finally sitting back on her heels and looking up at him again. He nodded, confusion beginning to swirl within him. "Say you forgive me…"

Lucien shifted forward, taking his mother's hands again. "There's nothing to forgive." He knew she had done everything she could to protect him, no matter how much it had hurt or cost her to do so. The relief on her face was evident and she sniffed before getting to her feet.

"Thank you." She said, her fingertips brushing his cheek once more, "I should leave you. You have much to think about, I'm sure."

Lucien didn't move as his mother left the room, closing the door behind her. He just sat on the bed, his mind racing until he heard the bathroom door open slowly and he felt Elain emerge.

Pushing the door open slowly, Elain paused. Ashk was gone, and Lucien sat alone in the room. She swallowed thickly as she looked at him, sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to her as he appeared to stare, unmoving, at the wall. The moment Elain had sunk down into the bath, her vision had shifted. She had witnessed the entire conversation Lucien had had with his mother, watching through his eyes and feeling everything he had felt. Once she had shifted back to herself, she had gotten out of the bath and dressed hurriedly. She could feel him now, hurt and confusion battling within him and she moved slowly toward the bed.

Slowly, Elain climbed onto the bed and then crawled toward Lucien on the other side. She could hear his heart thundering wildly, and knew that it had nothing to do with her presence. When she reached him, she hesitated for only a moment before she wrapped her arms around him, pressing herself against his back. His only response was to draw a deep breath.

"Lucien…" She murmured.

"Beron isn't my father…" his voice was soft and Elain nodded.

"I know." She breathed, pressing her lips gently to his shoulder. He turned his head toward her then, his eyes questioning. "You showed me…"

"Oh."

He looked back to the wall and Elain tightened her arms around him. "Tell me what you're thinking." She could feel all kinds of emotions roiling within him now, but knew that putting his thoughts into words would help.

"I don't know." He murmured, "I don't know what to think."

"Are you glad you know?"

Lucien turned to face her, and Elain released him. His russet and gold eyes met hers and he nodded. "Yes." His gaze fell, "I just… I've always been the seventh son of the High Lord of Autumn… only, I'm not…"

"You're the seventh son of the Lady of the Autumn Court." She replied, "You've always known that and it's still true."

He nodded, his hands twisting together. "It… it's why he always hated me…" he looked at her again, "My whole life." Elain lay a hand on his knee. "I am glad not to be his…" he leaned back then, running his hands over his face. "Ugh…" He flopped back against the bed, and Elain moved to lay beside him. "Eris knows, I'd put money on it." He said, now staring at the ceiling.

"What makes you think that?" She asked, watching him carefully.

"Nothing." He murmured, "Everything…"

She wanted to touch him again but, before she could, Lucien turned onto his side, looking back at her. She could see half of his face now, his russet eye bright as it moved over her face. "Do you blame her for keeping it from you?"

"No." he said softly, "And I'm glad that she has had some love in her life. She gets none from Beron." Elain's fingers found Lucien's sleeve. Confusion slammed into her down the bond and she drew a deep breath. "I don't know how to be Helion's son." He said. "I don't know who that is…"

"You don't have to be anyone other than who you are." She told him, "You're the same Lucien you were this morning, or yesterday."

"And who is that?" he asked, "If not the son of Autumn?"

Elain pushed herself up on one elbow to look at him. "You've never been Beron's son." She said gently, "Even when you thought you were. You have never been like him, or your brothers." Her eyes moved across his face, trying to read him as she spoke. "You're kind. Even after everything that has been done to you. You've never become twisted. Do you know why that is?" he met her eyes with a questioning look, and Elain went on, "Because you are the product of love." He blinked and she smiled, "That's why you're her favourite…"

She lay back down beside him and he was quiet for some time. "I can't believe he got away with it for so long…"

"Who?"

"My fa- Beron." He said.

"Why didn't she leave?" Elain asked, "Your mother… she loves someone else. Why didn't she leave to be with him…?"

"It would have begun a war." Lucien replied softly, "And she wouldn't have been able to take us…"

"She could have taken you."

"But not the others." He looked at her, "It is that, I suspect, that she was apologising for. Not taking me and leaving…"

"What does Helion look like?" Elain asked, her eyes moving over Lucien slowly. He blinked.

"Uh… he…" Lifting a hand, Lucien slowly brought his fingers up to Elain's cheek, "Let me see if I…" the image of a startlingly handsome man filled Elain's mind and she gasped. "Did you see?"

"Yes…" her eyes moved over his face again. "Your mother told me that your nose was your fathers…"

"I can't believe nobody has noticed." He muttered, "I can't believe I never knew…"

"How could you know?" She shifted closer to him, her fingers moving over his arm again, "Have you secretly been hiding some fancy abilities inherited from your father?"

"No." he laughed, but then frowned, and Elain raised an eyebrow at him. "I…" he glanced at her.

"What?"

"They call Helion the Spell-Cleaver." He stared at her and Elain blinked, not following. "… when Hybern ordered you put into the Cauldron he bound Tamlin and I with some kind of spell…"

"Yes…" Elain remembered them struggling and unable to move.

"When they tipped you out onto the floor… I broke that spell…"

Elain stared at him, remembering him wrapping his jacket around her and lifting her off the floor. Tamlin had still been bound behind him. "You… broke it…?"

"That's Helion's power…"

"How did you do that?"

"I don't know…" he shook his head and Elain felt his warm fingers moving up her own arm, "Maybe it was just because I wanted to get to you so badly… it was instinctual."

Leaning forward until she could press her lips to his cheek, Elain smiled. "Thank you for that." Lucien's hand caught at the back of her neck, preventing her from pulling too far away.

"Thank you." He said, eyes meeting hers, "For listening to all of this…"

Unable to move away, Elain settled against him. "If anyone knows what it feels like not to know who and what you are anymore, it's me…" She had sat for so very long after being made fae, trying to sort out everything going on in her mind, not understanding half of what she saw or who she was meant to be. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"You're not very good at lying."

"I am, actually." Lucien replied, giving her a court-trained silky smile that didn't reach his eyes, "Just not to you."

Allowing herself to lean into him again, Elain rested her head against his shoulder. "I'm glad for that."

"As am I." his warm hand moved slowly across her back and she smiled.

"Is Helion nice?" Elain murmured, feeling exhaustion creeping up on her.

"Yes, I suppose so." Lucien's voice was soft and comforting and she allowed her eyes to close. "I always liked him."

"Good." She breathed, giving a sleepy smile. "That's good."

Author's Note:

Hit me with those thoughts, friends.