Chapter 34
His gaze sliding to the door, Lucien listened. He'd heard Elain's door open across the hallway and, as he strained his ears, he heard soft footfalls approach his own door. Sitting up suddenly, he threw the light sheet back from his body and dove for some loose pants sitting on a nearby chair. He'd just gotten them on, tugging them up into place, when he heard the gentle knock. Hurrying to open the door, wondering what was wrong, he struggled to do his pants up. "Elain?" he asked as her eyes swept over him as the door creaked open. "Are you alright?"
"I…ah… yes." Her eyes caught on his hands, and Lucien turned away as he finished what he was doing. Still able to feel her eyes on his back, he drew a deep breath before turning back to her. She had moved into the room and closed the door behind her and he could see her now, just looking at him. "I… wanted to see if you were able to heal your wound…" those brown eyes moved across his chest and down his ribs. He absently touched where his brother had been able to slice him open. Nothing but smooth skin now.
"I was." He replied. "Like I said, I've had worse." Her eyes lifted to his face, his eye, his scar, and he turned away again, sending a brief thought to the fireplace before it grew little brighter, sending more warmth into the room. "You see?" he asked, "Good as new. Well, apart from the obvious."
Watching her, and able to feel her hesitation, Lucien tilted his head. "Are… you sure they wont follow us?" her voice was soft and Lucien nodded, trying his best to sound reassuring.
"Yes." He said, "For one, they're scared of Tamlin." He gave her a grin, "And two, they have enough mess to deal with without adding another war to their pile of troubles. If Eris is High Lord, he has no reason to chase us, and if Malak is, then he will be having enough of a battle getting things under his own control to worry about us."
Elain nodded, taking his words in, and Lucien realised she had come to him wanting to feel safe.
"Okay." She murmured and he saw her dark eyes flick to the bedroom door before looking back to him as he felt himself begin to respond to having her here in his space.
"Do you…want to stay?" he asked gently.
She looked at him steadily then, silent for a few moments, and he could practically see her weighing her options.
"I don't want sex." she said.
Lucien practically choked. "Oh, Petal. I didn't think you did." He lifted a hand to his hair. "I can sleep on the couch if you prefer." Elain shook her head, and Lucien shifted slightly. This was different to last night. Last night they had slept atop the bed, and he had been wearing his regular day clothing. This would not be like that.
"I… can sleep over on the far side… if that would help…" she began, but this time Lucien shook his head.
"It would not." That would feel like torture. He knew that he would be unable to resist touching her, that if she was to be in his bed, he would need to be able to hold her.
Turning, he bent to pick up a shirt and lifted it to pull over his head. "Do you… usually sleep… without clothing?" Elain's voice was barely more than a whisper.
Lucien threw her a grin. "Well, usually there's nobody to see me and complain."
Her brown eyes moved over him. "I don't imagine you've heard many complaints." She muttered, and Lucien just about died.
Once he'd pulled his shirt on, he moved back to his bed and shifted back to where he had been laying before. Elain was watching him from where she still stood by the door, and Lucien gave her an encouraging smile. He didn't know what to say to her that wouldn't sound like a command to join him, and he wouldn't do that. Instead, he shifted further over, leaving the space for her clear and inviting and, after a moment, she crossed the room to him.
"Lucky you." He said softly, "You get the bit I already warmed up." Elain met his eyes with a quick glance before she silently slid into the bed to join him. Not wanting to get anything confused or cross any lines, Lucien figured he would just ask. "Am I allowed to touch you?"
"Yes."
He moved slightly closer, propping himself on a pillow and couldn't contain a wide smile when she slid closer and settled against him, her head resting against his shoulder. Wrapping his arm around her, Lucien hoped that she wasn't paying attention to the way that his heartbeat had increased. Was this what she had wanted when she had decided to cross the hallway to his room? He sure hoped so.
"…I thought you were going to die." Elain's hand came to rest on his chest and Lucien looked down at her.
"I would have." He told her, "If you hadn't have done what you did." He paused when she frowned, "He would have killed us both."
"Yes." She murmured
"…why didn't you run when I told you to?" Lucien watched her face carefully. "Why didn't you leave me?"
"How could I?" she asked, shifting closer until she was pressed against his side, "And what good would it have done? You would have been dead, and he would have caught me anyway." Her eyes lifted to meet his gaze, "And I would have rather been dead."
Lifting his other hand, Lucien brought it to Elain's cheek. "I'm sorry." He murmured, "I'm sorry I couldn't stop him. I'm constantly wanting to keep you near me, keep you with me, so that I can protect you… but I couldn't." Shame and guilt washed through him. "I couldn't do a thing."
He froze when Elain met his eyes again. "You wouldn't have let him touch me." She said, "I know that. I can feel it in my core." Her voice softened, "Your fire… you'd only just begun to use it when I jumped on him. You weren't done, Lucien. You were not yet beaten."
Swallowing thickly, Lucien sought for something to say in reply. "I appreciate your faith in me." He murmured, "but maybe you overestimate my abilities."
"Maybe you underestimate them."
He shook his head, not sure about that. It had been proven time and time again that he was never enough when it mattered.
The thought had barely crossed his mind when Elain's hand tightened around a handful of his shirt and she turned to press her forehead against his neck. Her warm breath ghosted over his skin before he heard her whisper softly. "I trust you."
"Horrible choice, really." He replied, although her words had set his blood racing.
"Lucien…" He knew she was frowning without having to see her face.
"I know. I'm sorry." he rubbed a hand over her back, "I won't fail you again. I'll be better…" he would be. What had nearly happened today was unacceptable, and he would never allow himself to be forced into that position again. He would not be helpless. Not when Elain was at risk.
She lifted her head, resting her weight on an elbow, to meet his eyes again. She was frowning, he'd been right. "You're enough." Her words were simple and plain, and Lucien had kissed her before he'd even realised what he was doing.
She leaned into him, allowing him to pull her more tightly against himself, and Lucien pressed on. Trying to convey everything that had been building up inside him since that morning, he kissed her slowly and carefully. He kissed her for her kindness, her gentle heart, for his fear that he wouldn't have been able to protect her, and for her belief that he would have. He kissed her for her trust in him, and for what had happened in that courtyard with Malak, for the way she had clung to him when she had found him afterwards, and the way she had followed him without question as they had tried to escape the house. He kissed her for coming to him now, and as a promise that he would be whatever she needed, whenever she needed it.
Feeling a slight tremble in her, Lucien lifted his head, trailing his fingers along her jaw. When she looked at him with lust burning behind her dark eyes, fire stirred within him and he went to kiss her again. Elain drew a shuddery breath and he felt her fingers in his hair before her words echoed in his mind. "I don't want sex." Pausing, Lucien pressed his lips to her cheek instead.
"Sorry…" he murmured, "I'll rein it in…" He listened to her breaths, coming heavier than usual, as he settled down on the pillow beside her, his nose practically touching hers, his fingers moving across her jaw again before trailing up her cheek to push her hair back from her face. "Here…" he watched as the bruise across her cheekbone, from where Malak had struck her, slowly vanished before he turned his attention to the hand shaped bruises on her arms.
"You don't need to do that." She murmured, "You're exhausted…"
"I have enough for this." He replied, finger trailing down her skin, "I can't stand the thought of their hands on you…"
His eyes met hers again as he felt her hand at his waist. Lucien had no idea what he would have done if Malak had succeeded in what he'd tried to do that morning. As the bruising faded he traced his fingers up her arm and across her shoulder, smiling when she shuddered. Realising that it was no small thing that on the same day she had nearly been raped she had come to him, willingly getting into another males bed, Lucien touched the tip of his nose to hers. Her soft giggle warmed him and he smiled at her. "Does this feel okay?" he asked, hoping that the way his leg was pressed against hers, and his hand had settled gently against her back, holding her carefully to himself wasn't pushing her too far.
"Yes." Elain's voice was soft as she met his gaze. "You make me feel safe."
Lucien wanted to pull her tightly against himself, roll her beneath himself, and kiss her until she moaned his name, but he didn't. Instead he smiled at her. "I'm glad." Her fingers scratched at his hip and Lucien rubbed her back. "You should get some rest."
Nodding, Elain's eyes moved back and forth across his face for a moment before she rolled to put her back to him. Lucien thought his heart may have stopped for a second before she reached back and took his hand. "Would you just…" she pulled his arm around her, pressing back against him.
"Absolutely." He murmured, settling his palm against her ribs and holding her gently.
"…do you think your mother is okay?" Her voice was so soft Lucien barely heard her.
"Yes." He breathed, lips pressed to her hair.
"Are you okay?" she asked, her fingers moving over the back of his hand slowly, "After today… seeing that happen… people you knew. That used to be your home…"
Pausing for a moment to consider, Lucien let out a slow breath. "I'm okay." He told her softly, "That hasn't been my home for a long time." He felt her nod, "And, all I was worried about was getting you away from it all."
"Thank you." her fingers stopped moving across his skin and her breathing slowed.
Pressing a soft kiss to Elain's hair, Lucien settled himself against her and closed his eyes. They both needed a sleep and he was glad that she had come to him. He would have a better rest while he was able to hold her than he would have ever had while she was anywhere else. "I love you." He breathed, letting her sweet floral scent lull him into sleep.