Chapter 87
Dinner in the Summer Court was a small affair, with only Tarquin, on a low balcony overlooking the harbour as the sun set. Elain was seated beside Lucien, watching with awe and adoration as the crimson sunset just about set her mate's hair alight. She had always thought that she favoured pretty pastel colours, but there was nothing pastel about Lucien, and she had never seen anything more captivating. His red hair appeared to glow like molten metal and it took a good deal of her self-control to keep herself from lifting a hand to touch it.
"See something you like, Petal?" he asked, his eyes still on his own plate as he speared a piece of fish on his fork.
"Very much."
He looked up at her then, a quick flash of russet and golden eyes, and his smile with mischievous.
"A year ago, Lucien," Tarquin began from where he sat across from Lucien, "this is not where I would have expected to find you…"
Elain felt the slight twinge of defensiveness from Lucien, but he smiled nonetheless. "Where is that?" He asked, his tone light, "In your Court?"
Tarquin smiled back. "Well, yes." He agreed, "I would have through t you would still be with Tamlin, yet you are now the Emissary to the Night Court… working for Rhysand… and with a mate of your own…"
Lucien's hand settled possessively on Elain's knee under the table and she glanced at him as he looked at the High Lord. "Well, you're not the only one who thought I'd never have a mate."
Elain frowned, one of her own hands trailing up the back of Lucien's chair to his back. She rubbed him gently, wondering how it must have felt to have lived for centuries, knowing that mates existed and figuring that he would never have one. Especially after having lost Jesminda.
Tarquin gave a soft chuckle, however. "Who would have thought I would be High Lord?"
"Fair." Lucien agreed, a small smile playing on his lips. Elain relaxed slightly. "From Prince of another city to High Lord of the Summer Court must have been a surprise."
"Even worse when Amarantha called us all to her Under the Mountain."
"None of us had a good time Under the Mountain." Lucien replied, and Elain remembered the vision she had once had of Amarantha forcing Tamlin to whip Lucien in punishment for helping Feyre with her first trial.
"She did enjoy playing with you…" Tarquin mused, "The second trial must have been…" the High Lord broke off and Elain saw Lucien frown.
"It won't be forgotten quickly…"
Trying to remember what Feyre had told her of the second trial, Elain watched Lucien. Her sister had told her she had to solve a riddle that she hadn't been able to read, and that Rhys had helped her. If she had have failed, she and Lucien would have been crushed…
As if sensing her confusion, Lucien turned his head toward her. The second his gaze met hers, Elain saw what he had seen.
Lucien had been shackled to the ground, out of reach of Feyre. She felt his absolute terror and panic as Feyre had weighed her decision and death had descended steadily toward them.
Elain felt sick. The fact that Feyre hadn't been taught to read could have meant the loss of her mate and her sister. She might not have ever met Lucien, and she never would have known what had happened to Feyre. She would likely have married Graysen, been under his control. Even if Lucien hadn't have died, and Amarantha had continued to torture him, he would have likely gone on thinking he would never have had a mate.
"Elain…?" Lucien's hand rubbed at her knee.
Blinking, she realised that tears blurred her vision. "Sorry…" she murmured, "That second trial…"
"Did you see it?" he asked softly and she blinked the tears away until she could see clearly.
"Just a flash or two…" Lucien's hand slid into Elain's and she met his eyes for a moment.
"I'm sorry if I said something to upset you, Lady." Tarquin's voice was gentle, and Elain shook her head.
"Not at all."
He looked at her doubtfully, and Elain could see the wariness in his crystal blue eyes. "Let us move on to more pleasant topics, then." He replied, smiling after a moment and turning those bright eyes on Lucien once more. "Do you believe Rhys would work with us in regard to the Lesser Fae?"
"I do." Lucien said simply. "His High Lady, as well."
Tarquin raised an eyebrow and bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement. "Ah, of course." The High Lord smiled, "And you?" he asked, "You would as well?"
"Anything I can." Lucien assured him, moving things around his plate carefully. "I have always wanted the world of which you speak."
"Yes…" Tarquin said slowly, his eyes still on Lucien, "I imagine that is so…"
Elain wondered just how widespread the story of Lucien and Jesminda was throughout Prythian. Swallowing the unexpected jealousy that flared within her, she looked back to her own plate as she tried to breathe slowly and force herself to let it go. Lucien's hand tightened on hers and she felt even worse when she caught the confused look he gave her.
None of this exchange had been lost on Tarquin, apparently. "What is it like to be mated?" he asked, "How does it feel?"
Lucien lifted a hand, running it slowly over his face. "Obsessive…" he said, and Elain raised an eyebrow. "It is all I can think about. Elain… is… always at the forefront of my mind." He paused for a moment before continuing, "It's even more so when we are apart…"
"Obsessive?" she asked and Lucien turned to look at her.
"How would you describe it?"
"…Any way that doesn't sound negative." She said flatly, "Powerful, all encompassing, comforting…"
"I didn't mean it to sound negative…" his hand squeezed hers again, "Not at all…"
Glancing up when the High Lord got to his feet, Elain watched as he picked up his wineglass and took a sip. "You have the evening to yourselves." He said, blue eyes sliding from Lucien to Elain and then back again. "Please enjoy the view. It is my favourite in all of Adriata." He strode quickly away and Elain stared after him before looking back to Lucien.
"Did we scare him away?"
"I think so."
She pushed away from the table herself and got to her own feet, making her way to the balcony wall so that she could look out at the harbour. A moment later, she felt Lucien come up behind her, his arms snaking slowly around her waist as he pressed himself to her. "Lucien…"
"I'm sorry for my poor word choice."
"It's fine." She murmured, taking a slow breath when she felt him press a kiss to the back of her shoulder.
"There was something wrong before that…"
"It's nothing."
"Tell me…"
"I don't want to." She felt him flinch at those words, and she sought to explain further. "It's stupid and unfair."
"I want to know." His arms tightened around her waist, "Share with me…"
"If Jesminda was never killed…" she breathed, not able to make her voice any stronger, "What would you have chosen to do?" She turned to look at him in the orange sunset, "Would you be with me or with her?"
Lucien stared at her. "Elain…"
She blinked back tears, "You loved her…"
"I love you. You're my mate…"
"I know that…"
"This… isn't something you should be worried about…"
"I can't help it." She murmured, "You loved her. You never would have hurt her…"
"Petal, we likely wouldn't have met…" he said gently. Elain sniffed. He would have probably been waiting for the mating bond to snap into place with Jesminda, not realising that it wasn't going to happen.
"You would have probably still been in Autumn. I would still have been the High Lady of the Night Court's sister. We would have met at one point." She looked at him, frowning. "It still would have happened." She bit her lip. "You thought she was your mate…"
"I did." He sighed, "But if I still would have had her… and then met you, and the bond snapped into place and I realised you were my mate…" Elain tried not to hold her breath, but couldn't help it. "I don't know, love." He said, "I wouldn't have wanted to hurt her, you're right… but… I can't imagine fighting the bond." She could see the hurt in his eyes as he tried to consider the scenario and she felt awful for asking him in the first place. Without pausing to think further, Elain threw her arms around his neck.
"I'm sorry…" she breathed, "I couldn't help the jealousy. He knew about you and her. In that world he wants with High Fae and Lesser Fae alongside one another would have meant that she would have been okay. You still would have been able to be with her… she was your choice…"
"You are my mate." He said firmly. "The mating bond is considered more sacred than any other relationship for a reason…" Lucien's lips brushed Elain's cheek and she shivered, "Nobody will ever be as close to me as you are. Nobody will have a connection stronger than what you and I have with one another…"
"Obsession…"
"That was a poor choice of words on my part." He kissed her cheek again, and she felt his hands in her hair. "But I am obsessed with you." He held her to himself more tightly, "I don't consider that bad… It is completely passionate… a special kind of love…"
"I love you." She breathed and his lips moved to her forehead.
"Either one of us could have rejected it." He reminded her, "But we haven't. We chose each other."
Nodding, Elain felt something soften inside of her. She relaxed, leaning into his chest and wrapping her own arms around his waist. "It makes me sad that you thought you would never have a mate."
"Look at me now." He murmured into her ear, "I have the most stunning mate anyone could dream of…"
"You've changed just about everything I ever thought about myself and the world…"
"Oh?" Lucien leaned back enough to meet her eyes with his, russet and gold. "Like what?"
"Like…" Elain paused to consider, "… my favourite colour."
"That has changed?"
"It used to be pale green…"
"What is it now?" his eyes moved over her face as he smiled at her.
"Hmm…" Elain slid a hand up his arm to his shoulder, and then around to the back of his neck. Gently, she moved her hand to comb through his vibrant hair with her fingers, bringing what she held around for him to see. "This colour…"
She watched Lucien's eyes take in the hair she held before they flicked to meet her gaze once again. Emotions flickered through his russet eye and Elain felt his hands tighten on her waist before he bent to kiss her, and she dropped his hair to wrap herself more tightly around him as he lifted her from her feet. When he held her like this, there was no room in her heart for any kind of jealousy as there was nobody in the world beside the two of them. Nobody and nothing else mattered, and she wondered if perhaps that was her own kind of obsession.