Chapter 124

The morning passed quickly, and Elain was more than a little pleased that Sorcha didn't appear to be anywhere nearby during breakfast. As they were finishing up, Helion had approached them and, aside from being evidently pleased that both she and Lucien were again in Day Court attire, he had informed them that he had arranged things so that they may borrow anything they liked from any of the libraries in the city. The thought had both pleased and excited Elain. She did want to find out more about her abilities as a seer, but she was also interested to see if there were any books like the one that she was compiling on the flowers of the various Courts of Prythian. She had thought that Lucien might have other things to do acting as the emissary for the Night Court, but he had told her that he would help her look for what she needed first, and she found this promise to be reassuring as she much preferred the idea of him being with her in a library and not wandering around Helion's palace and bumping into that blonde priestess again.

Elain supposed that she was being paranoid and maybe a little unfair in her reactions to Sorcha, as she hadn't actually seen the priestess do anything wrong and, in fact, the blonde faerie had even told her of the personal accounts of well known seers that Elain might look for in her research. Even so, she couldn't shake the feeling that the other female had ulterior motives. It might have been what she had seen of Ianthe in her visions combined with what Lucien and Feyre had told her about the other priestess, but Elain just couldn't dispel her distrust of Sorcha, whether it was well founded or not.

About an hour after they had finished breakfast, Elain and Lucien were back at the library they had visited previously. This time, they walked with purpose to the section they needed and collected several of the books that Elain had written down to have a closer look at.

"What do you have?" Lucien asked her, sinking into a chair by a large window, where they bright golden morning light was spilling in to illuminate the room.

"It looks like an overview of the lives of several seers from the Dawn Court. Several centuries old." Elain murmured, moving to sit on the thick carpet by Lucien's chair. She placed the heavy book in her lap and flipped the cover open. After several minutes she had decided that while much of the description of the seers' lives was generalised and vague, it did give a broad image of the direction in which their lives had turned when they had begun to use their abilities more frequently. None of them had enjoyed very pleasant lives as it appeared their abilities had had an impact upon their minds over time.

Elain put the book aside and pulled the next into her lap. This one appeared to be an account of several interviews that the author had conducted over a handful of decades, going back to speak to the same seers over and over. Elain's stomach twisted uncomfortably when she encountered much of the same discussion as the previous book. Those seers who had used their abilities more frequently had appeared to become mentally unstable. More than one had even ended their own lives.

Almost tossing the book aside, Elain dragged the next toward herself, opening it quickly and scanning the words. She glanced up when she felt Lucien's cool fingers come to rest on the back of her neck. He was sitting straight in his own chair, a book in his lap as his eyes scanned the pages. He appeared to have reached out to her unconsciously and she smiled before looking back to the tome in her own lap. This one was a personal account, and Elain found herself relating to the confusion of the earlier chapters. This seer had discovered her gifts in her earlier years of life and, at first, she had not had much control over what she saw. Visions had come to her semi-regularly, much as they did for Elain. This seer had used what she had seen to help herself and others in her life, and then she had begun to try and develop more control, summoning visions when she needed them. This appeared to have carried on for decades as the seer had called on her gift more and more.

Dread began to grow within Elain as the words she was reading began to make less and less sense. The story became nonsensical and Elain knew that the same thing had happened to this seer as had happened to the others she had read about. It wasn't until she had closed the cover of the book and set it aside with the others that she realised she was crying.

"Petal…" Lucien's fingers slid down her neck to her shoulder and Elain turned to look up at him. He moved slowly, slipping from the chair to kneel on the carpet in front of her, his other hand coming up to her cheek and wiping the tears away.

"They all went mad…" she breathed, her voice hitching. "All of them… when they tried to use it more… it … it ruined their minds…"

The way that Lucien's eyes, both russet and gold, flicked to the book he had been reading before returning to meet her own gaze, told Elain that he had discovered the same thing she had. "That won't happen to you." He told her gently, his thumb caressing her cheek as he held her eyes with his own. "I won't let it."

Elain tried to hold in further tears, but she couldn't so much as draw a breath without a sob escaping. "It already nearly did… when… when I first…"

"No." He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her in to his chest. "No… that was different." He held her tightly to himself, and Elain allowed herself a deeper breath, "That was completely different, and you moved through that."

"Lucien…" she breathed, "If I keep using it I'll get lost…" she closed her eyes as she rested her cheek against his shoulder, "I'll get lost in that place the visions come from, and I wont be able to find my way back…"

"No, you won't." He told her, one of his hands now moving in circles across her back. "You won't get lost because I'll always find you." She felt his lips press against her hair, "If I have to tether you to myself, I will." His hand paused then, and she could just about feel him thinking, she could see the thoughtful look on his face in her mind. "The bond already exists between us…" his voice was soft, and Elain found it comforting, "Do you remember how I tried to use it last time to reach you?"

"It felt funny… like you'd pulled at a string attached to a rib…" she was surprised that she did remember considering everything from that time was so foggy in her mind.

"Yes…" his hands stroked her slowly, "The bond is stronger now." He murmured, "And it will only get stronger yet." When she accepted it, she knew that he meant. "I will always be able to follow it to you. No matter where you are or where you go… I'll follow."

Elain lifted her head and pulled back just enough to look at his face. "Even there…?" she breathed, "Into that … nothingness…" She didn't know exactly where those visions came from, but she knew that it was dark and confusing.

"Even there." He told her.

Even as tears fell and traced their way down Elain's cheeks, she leaned forward again, wrapping both of her arms around Lucien's neck as she kissed him.