Literally: to (fist)fight your own thoughts
Meaning: to be undecided about something
Rough English equivalent: to be of two minds about something
The Thieves were taken aback by the sudden drop. There was something… deja-vu-inducing about this situation, like they have seen this scenario played out in a past life or some such. There was a brief moment of collective stupor, broken by a loud scream:
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" went Akira. He then pulled out and unfolded a large butterfly knife, and tried to pierce the bulkhead with it. It failed to do that, but made a small dent, which got longer as he scraped down with his blade.
"Akira!" Makoto raised her voice.
"She's on the other side and in danger and none of this would have happened if-" He raised the knife and tried to strike the spot again, but Makoto got in front of him.
"And we have more efficient ways of making a hole in this thing than your balisong," she said, firmly. "You, Fox and Skull will take turns attacking this spot with Physical spells. The back row will be healing you so you can cast until we're out of SP and healing items. I'll dictate the rhythm."
Akira nodded. Yusuke and Ryuji stepped forward as he stepped back, so they were standing in one row.
"Alright," Makoto took a breath; she was the leader now, she needed to maintain her composure. She pointed at Yusuke, "One,", then at Ryuji, "two," then at Akira, "three." She moved out of the way. "Everyone ready?"
Flames appeared by the masks of the three.
She pointed at Yusuke again. "One."
Shadow Sumire was briefly distracted by the dull thud of something hitting the bulkhead she had just dropped from the other end. Then another and another and another, all in rhythm.
The real Sumire's phone buzzed and she pulled it out. Despite the lack of signal, she had somehow received two subsequent text messages from Futaba's number:
were coming for you
stall for time
She took a breath and glanced at the Shadow in front of her. She then removed the ribbon wrapped around her ankle and rolled it up in her hand.
"Look at you," the Shadow grinned, and she couldn't tell if it was genuine or mocking. "Finally decided to keep living."
"I did not decide jack," Sumire spat, putting the ribbon in her jacket's pocket. "And considering you have weapons and I don't, I still don't get to make decisions."
"That is a fair point." In response, the Shadow put away her firearm and a second smallsword manifested in her offhand. She tossed it at Sumire, who let it fall to the ground before picking it up and holding it at the ready. "Now we are on even ground. En garde!"
The Shadow lunged forward, slashing vaguely in her direction, and Sumire recoiled away. She tried to follow up with a backhanded strike, but Sumire sidestepped it with no issue. The scenario repeated itself a few times – Shadow trying to attack, and Sumire dodging it with little effort.
Sumire and the Shadow started circling one another. The rhythmic banging on the bulkhead continued. "You can't dodge your way out of this!" the Shadow snarled.
"Oh, but I can," Sumire dared to display a little bit of confidence. "All I need to do is waste enough of your time for the Thieves to break the barrier and deal with you."
"You know," the Shadow said, as Sumire parried her low attack, "it's funny how you did a one-eighty about the Phantom Thieves once it turned out your darling senpai is leading them."
Sumire let out a sharp sigh. "I was wrong on that front. I see I was wrong now. Do you expect me to repeat my mistakes over and over?"
Their smallswords clanged together again a few more times. Sumire remained untouched, to the Shadow's growing irritation.
"Do you think they'll actually dare to strike me?" she grumbled. "If I die, you go with me, and they know it."
"They've been doing this for months. They know how to smack you hard enough to stop you, but gently enough to keep you alive."
"Kobayakawa would disagree."
"That was Goro-san's doing though, wasn't it?" she scratched her head with her left hand. "I mean, he didn't confirm it and I won't ask him, but-"
The Shadow lunged forward again, going for a piercing attack, but Sumire deflected it and continued:
"-but he and Okumura-san were the only ones allegedly killed by the Thieves, and Goro-san confessed to that other one."
The Shadow glared daggers at her, before realization flashed on her face and she put on an obnoxious smile. "You know what? Let's talk about Goro-chan. Or your admiration for him."
Sumire raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"
The Shadow spotted an opening and lunged again. Sumire parried her strike and moved out of range. The attacks from the other end of the barrier had made a noticeable bulge in it, but were far from piercing it.
"Oh, are you going to deny that?" the Shadow continued. "Do you not find his persistence commendable, in spite of all the vile acts he committed?"
"He's trying to atone for his crimes, regardless of personal cost," Sumire retorted. "And honestly? Morality aside, he was an effective bad guy. More effective than I am as a hero." She paused. "And more effective than what you're trying to do now."
"What are you on about?" she grumbled.
"I see what you're doing here," Sumire explained. "Throwing out the things I wouldn't admit to out loud. 'Oh, you thought the Thieves are unnecessary.' 'Oh, you think a villain is cool.' 'Oh, you want to hold hands with both Akira-senpai and Goro-san, maybe at the same time'…"
"I didn't say that last one."
"Like I'm going to go 'no, that line isn't how I feel, you're not really me!', and then be so upset that you'll have an opening to strike me," Sumire continued. "But I know you know that, you can't shock me! You are me! You're the stupid, stubborn, act-first-think-never part of me that got me to make so many mistakes. And now you're trying to prove to me that you're not useless, but… you are." A pause, for dramatic effect. "When push comes to shove, you can't even keep up with yourself."
The Shadow lowered her weapon for a moment. "You…" Her face then twisted into a furious scowl. "You ungrateful stagnant CUNT!"
Bright blue flames started coming from behind the edges of her mask, startling Sumire.
"All that defiance you're finally displaying? That's me! You wouldn't have done that without me! You'd just curl up and DIE!"
Cendrillon manifested above the Shadow. Sumire found herself intimidated by what used to be her Persona now pointed in her direction.
"But fine!" the Shadow snarled. "If I am so useless to you, then I don't have to hold back anymore!"
"Hold it!" Makoto raised her hand.
Akira, Ryuji and Yusuke all paused to take a breath. The continuous barrage left them drained. The healers in the back row were almost out of SP and down to items that didn't heal enough health to make up for the three's attacks.
"There's a hole in the barrier," she continued, approaching it. "I'm gonna look-"
"But fine!" someone with Sumire's voice snarled on the other side of it. "If I am so useless to you, then I don't have to hold back anymore!"
Makoto put her eye to the hole just in time to see Cendrillon smack the real Sumire and send her flying back like a ragdoll. She tumbled a bit and landed on the ground in a heap.
"No. No, no, no, no…" she muttered under her breath.
"What's happening?!" Akira asked.
"Worst goddamn case scenario," she barked, moving out of the way. "No more counting off, hit that breach with everything you've got!"
"Get up," the Shadow ordered.
Sumire was still conscious, but decided to remain still and quiet. Partially because she had her weapon knocked out of her hands, partially because she wanted to spite herself, but most importantly, because she was in a metric ton of pain.
"If I am still standing, you're still alive, get up!" she snarled.
Why should I? she thought. You stopped holding back, I'm unarmed and defenseless. Might as well just stop clinging to consciousness, and whatever happens, happe-
The thuds from the other end have gotten louder. More irregular too. More frantic.
Sumire thought about how, for all her flaws and missteps, the Thieves cared about her like she had been with them this whole time. How they were willing to go through whatever was in their way to save her. The card game they played in the monitoring room, their happy reactions to the okonomiyaki, the ramen she ate after they had gotten out of the regret rooms… all the little moments came back to her, giving her some odd sense of… motivation? Empowerment? Willingness to not let the bad parts of herself shout her down.
"I've seen that hand twitch!" the Shadow barked, marching up to her. "You pathetic, worthless-"
She was interrupted by a strike to the jaw. What it lacked in force, it more than made up for in speed and unexpectedness. Before she realized what happened, Sumire was back upright, and a hand wrapped itself below the guard of her smallsword and yanked it away, throwing it far from both of them.
"Sneak attack, huh?" the Shadow muttered, impressed.
Sumire's reply was a jab to the face. The Shadow stepped back and attempted to pull out her gun, but Sumire yanked it to the side. After a struggle (involving a bullet that went in the ceiling), Sumire pried it out of the Shadow's hands, broke her nose with a pistol-whip, and tossed it the way of her sword.
"Why did you disarm yourself, you idiot?!" the Shadow screamed, throwing an inaccurate haymaker.
"To make a point," Sumire replied, putting her guard up. "To get through this without hurting myself more than I have to."
"Typical!" the Shadow spat, as blue flames came from behind her mask again. "How will you ever measure up to her if you keep choking at the last seco-"
She didn't get to finish that sentence, as Sumire tackled her with her hands wrapped around her throat. The flames fizzled out instantly.
"I won't measure up to anything if you keep making me run into fucking traffic," Sumire growled. Her right hand moved to the Shadow's face and gripped her mask tightly. "And you might be my defiance personified…" She pulled on it. There was resistance, and her own aches intensified, but she kept on pulling. "…but you can't do anything without the rest of me!"
The mask came off with bloody chunks of the Shadow's skin. Sumire tumbled a bit backwards, and watched as the Shadow sat up on the ground and glanced at her, the top of her face covered in crimson. She smiled faintly – it wasn't a taunting smile, to the contrary, she seemed… proud?
"Nice golden eyes," she said.
The clock has struck twelve, and yet you're still dancing.
Sumire was startled by the voice that seemed to come from her own aching head.
There were missteps, but the only way to avoid them is to never step on the parquet.
The hole in the barrier was now wide enough that the other Thieves could've climbed through it, but they stayed on the other end – the immediate danger had passed and they decided to let the situation unfold.
It takes a strong lady to defy the unjust, but it takes an even stronger one to defy her own imperfections.
She watched as her winter jacket got burned off in blue flames, revealing the familiar coat-over-leotard combo.
Now, ride into battle! Shape the future with your defiance!
She spun her mask in her hands, then put it on her face. It fit her more than ever before.
I am thou. Thou art I.
"She would've been proud of you," the Shadow said as it disappeared in a flash of white light.
Sumire took a breath and picked herself up from the ground. The barrier disappeared alongside the Shadow; the only things left behind were the short-barrelled rifle and the smallsword she used to wield.
She had made a small mistake of letting her guard down, and was taken by surprise when Akira glomped her without warning. He tried to apologize, but since he had just spent everything that he could spend to break the barrier down, what came out was a series of gasps for breath.
"It's okay, senpai," she returned the hug and let him lean against her. "I did it. I'm safe."
"Woo," went Ryuji.
Sumire glanced over Akira's shoulder and noticed that the other Phantom Thieves were all, for lack of a better term, spent. Ryuji and Yusuke were both leaning against each other to stand upright, Morgana was resting his arm on Ann's shoulder and not enjoying it, Haru was laying on the ground, face hidden under her hat, only muttering some disagreements as Futaba kept poking her.
"Oh dear," she wriggled out of the hug and marched up to them. "You guys have exhausted yourself trying to break that barrier."
"Say we wasted our time doing that and I will hug you to death," Akira gasped out, picking up Shadow Sumire's discarded weapons.
She put on an impish grin. "I mean, I did beat her alone, so…"
"You're cracking jokes, that's reassuring," Makoto commented. "And how do you feel now? Physically and mentally."
Sumire took a moment to think about it. "I'm fine. I'm not tired or loopy or anything. And I know I've got a history of overexerting myself, but… I feel confident about myself. For the first time in a long while."
"Great to hear that. Can you summon your Persona now?"
Sumire focused on her newfound resolve. It felt… weird. Different than before. Flames flickered behind her mask and her Persona manifested above her. But it wasn't Cendrillon anymore: it was a lady with jet-black hair and crimson horns. Its dress matched the horns, and was adorned with black and gold decorations. Over it she was wearing a skirt reaching almost to her toes, resembling a pair of folded feathered wings. On her right hand was a violet long glove, adorned with decorative sharp nails.
"Everyone… meet Vanadis," Sumire introduced her.
Akira, who had a soft spot for that particular color combination, just stared at the Persona in awe. "...cool."
"What's your skillset now?" Makoto asked. "Any new attacks? Weaknesses?"
"Hm… I still don't resist anything and have no weaknesses, but I have some more attacks now. A mix of Bless and Curse type."
"What did the new attacks overwrite?"
"...nothing," Sumire realized. "I-I think I have more skill slots than I had before." She counted on her fingers. "Sixteen total."
"Twice as many as every other Persona," Morgana pointed out.
"I also had twice as many awakenings as everyone else," she smiled awkwardly. After dragging behind everyone else for the past few weeks, she was glad for the one aspect in which she stood out from the crowd.
She unsummoned her Persona and took the weapons from Akira's hands. The smallsword had a triangular silver blade with a sharp tip, a decorated guard covering the wielder's fingers, and an ebony grip. The gun had a cherry wood stock and blued barrel and mechanism. She holstered the gun and sheathed the sword. She was ready for whatever would follow.
"Alright, with that wrapped up, here's the updated plan:" Makoto announced. "We'll make a brief stop in Leblanc to caffeine up before we go back to Maruki's Palace. But before that…" She glanced at Sumire. "You, walk with me."
The two girls walked out of the Mementos dead end. The rest of the team followed from a distance, not willing to let themselves be caught off-guard a second time. "I'll be direct with you:" Makoto said. "I do not know what your current power level is. In our current situation, it will make a difference, and I want to assess it before we continue."
"Like, with a duel?" Sumire asked. "'Cause I'd rather… not."
"I was thinking about watching you fight one of the Shadows wandering around." Makoto explained, as they turned a corner. "Oh, like that one over there," she said, "I still have a few healing items left, I'll be right behind you if things go south. Get 'em."
Sumire unsheathed her smallsword and started walking, then trotting, then running. She wasn't going to try anything flashy. Right before getting within stabbing distance, she'd stop to a halt, and thrust her weapon so it'd pierce the enemy with all the kinetic energy she had accumulated with her running start.
And so she did, impaling the Shadow with an attack it didn't even see coming. It collapsed into a pile of goo. Sumire raised her guard, waiting for a follow-up.
It didn't came.
The fight was over.
For a second, Sumire stared at the puddle on the ground in confusion. Then, when he finally registered what happened, a satisfied grin adorned her face.
Things were about to become fun.
"Well, well, well," Makoto remarked, satisfied. "Looks like you've caught up power-wise with the rest of us, Green."
"Hm." She holstered her sword. "I don't think I like this codename anymore. I picked it before I even had a Persona, and I don't think it represents who I am now. Can I- can I change it?"
"File a formal request in triplicate and give us four to six weeks to process it." Makoto joked.
"What do you want us to call you now?" Akira asked from the back row.
Sumire thought about it for a moment, and then answered: "Violet."
"…that's just your name translated to English," Ann pointed out.
"I know," Sumire replied. "I have spent the past year hiding behind my sister's identity. I want to embrace who I am. And besides... our Phantom Thief disguises are all paper-thin anyway. Let me have my fun."
"Very well then, Violet," Makoto smiled. "Let's get out of here. Mona, car form."