Chapter 154

Watching the water fill the bathtub, Elain let her mind go over everything that had happened that evening. It seemed so long ago that she and Lucien had been teasing one another and getting ready for dinner, and she let out a weary sigh. It had been a long evening.

"Petal?" the door to the bathroom creaked a little, and Elain heard Lucien's soft footsteps as he entered the room. Not his heartbeat, though. The faebane was still very much in her system, and Elain hoped that it was gone soon because she wanted the bond back. "Are you alright?" It hadn't escaped Elain's notice that he kept asking her that question and she turned to him, nodding her head. He crossed the room to her, stopping when he was close enough to touch her, and Elain lifted one of her own hands, bringing it to his cheek.

"I miss the bond." She breathed, "I miss being able to hear your heart, I miss being able to feel you…"

"It will come back." He replied, "I promise."

"I know." Elain ran her fingers down his cheek, over his scar, tracing it from his brow to his jaw. She didn't want to take her hands off of him, some part of her fearing that if she couldn't touch him she would lose him, unable to find him without the bond. She watched as he glanced at the bathtub behind her, and then lifted his eyes, both russet and gold, to her face.

Lucien's hands were trembling slightly when they moved to begin loosening her dress. Elain just watched his face, letting him trace his hands over her. At first she thought that he was simply fumbling as he tried to get the dress off of her, but then she realised that, as his hands moved carefully over her skin, he was trying to check her over. "I'm alright." She told him, sliding her own hand up into his hair, "Lucien, I'm fine."

"I just wanted to be certain." He replied, lifting her dress and folding it over his arm. Elain cast a regretful look at the dress. She really had liked it. "It's not damaged." He said gently, having evidently seen her look. "I'll have it cleaned for you…" She nodded and gave him a small smile.

When Lucien turned to hang the dress on a hook, Elain stepped into the tub, sinking down into the heat with a pleased sigh. He returned to the edge of the tub, sinking down to look at her and Elain raised an eyebrow. "Are you not going to join me?" she asked, and he tilted his head.

"Do you wish me to?"

"Yes." She just watched as he stood and removed his own clothing before stepping into the tub with her. Elain shifted and got to her knees, shuffling closer to him and then sinking down against him. When Lucien wrapped his arms around her, she leaned into his chest, laying against him and closing her eyes as she allowed the heat to soak into her, relaxing her.

"Tell me what happened to you." His voice was soft, and Elain was silent for several moments. With her ear pressed to Lucien's chest, she could just make out the soft thud of his heartbeat and she was reluctant to lose that. One of his hands moved slowly up and down her back, bringing hot water with it and she let out a soft breath and nodded a little.

"When it all fell," she murmured, feeling the way that Lucien drew a slow breath, trying to keep himself steady as he listened to her, "I ended up on a little ledge maybe about halfway down the cliff. Eris was there…" Elain felt Lucien's hand still against her back. "He lifted the thing that had landed on my leg off of me…" she looked up at her mate then, "And I realised that I couldn't hear your heart." Laying her cheek against his chest again she continued, "I don't suppose I reacted well. Eris tried to calm me down. Then Aelius found us. Eris made him take me first, and nobody up on the balcony had seen you… I stayed with Nesta…" Letting out a huff of breath, she fell silent. That had more or less been what happened.

"I am sorry that I couldn't find you sooner."

Elain shook her head as much as she was able, still laying against him. "I have you now."

"It was much the same for me." He told her, "Although where I landed there were many others. Tamlin and I tried to get as many as we could back up the cliff, but some were already dead."

"I wonder how many died."

"I suppose we will find out tomorrow." Lucien's hand moved over her back again and Elain resisted a yawn. "Do you want to go to bed, Petal?"

"Yes." She pushed herself up and reached for a nearby towel. It did not escape her notice when Lucien's hands followed her as she stood and she smiled gently to herself when he quickly followed her. She was tired but, after everything that had happened, she definitely wanted to keep him close to her.

Having dried herself off before she'd reached the bed, Elain tossed her towel over the chair by the window and slipped beneath the covers. A slight dip in the mattress an instant later told her that Lucien had followed her. When the fire in the fireplace suddenly burst to light, Elain realised that Lucien had done it, and she shuffled closer to him, able to see him now in the dim, flickering light. He wrapped her in his arms immediately, and she felt his lips brush her forehead as he half rolled over her.

When he yawned, Elain threaded her fingers into his hair. "You must be exhausted." She breathed, "You winnowed up and down that cliff, rescuing people… and then you healed me…" He must have nearly drained himself in the last few hours. "You need rest…" He nodded then and Elain smiled gently at him before turning onto her side and pressing her back against him. One of his arms came around her waist and she let out a slow breath, trying to match her breathing to his.

"I love you." His words, murmured against her ear, sent warm shivers through Elain and she smiled. With her back pressed against his firm chest, and his arms around her, she felt entirely safe and secure, and she told him so. His lips brushed against her ear and then moved to the back of her neck, and Elain's eyes closed in pleasure. Reaching back, wanting to touch him, she did not expect to find him completely hard.

"Lucien?"

"Sorry…." He breathed, and she felt him shift slightly behind her.

"No…" turning her head to look over her shoulder, she met his eyes in the soft light. "I want you."

"You're exhausted, Petal."

"So are you." She slowly stroked him, enjoying how he bit back a groan, "It's not about that. It's … It's…" she didn't know how to explain what she wanted. "I can't hear your heart… I can't feel the bond…" Elain swallowed thickly, "I… want to feel you…"

Lucien's hand slid down Elain's thigh, and she knew that he understood. She let him carefully lift that leg, and then she felt him pressing against her, in just the right place. When his lips returned to the back of Elain's neck, she braced herself, knowing what was to come. Then, as he so very slowly pushed himself inside of her, she allowed herself a quiet whimper.

Lucien was still for the longest time and Elain had almost wondered if he had fallen asleep, but then his hips moved and she bit her lip, her hand still reaching around behind herself. She let that hand settle against Lucien's thigh, urging him to move again, and he did so. Holding her leg up and holding her open with one hand, every other movement that Lucien made was so very slow and tender. Every breath was deliberate, and Elain realised that this was about the connection for both of them. They needed to feel that with one another, while missing the bond, and facing that blank emptiness, especially after what had happened that evening. This was how they clung to some form of connection between them.

Every time Lucien pushed deeper inside of her, Elain could almost imagine that she could hear his heartbeat, and she tried to convince herself that it had matched to hers. She kept herself pressed firmly back against his chest, listening to his breathing, and enjoying the way that he had begun to breathe her name against the back of her neck.

Exhaustion continued to creep up on Elain and she allowed it to happen. Bringing her hand back around in front of her, she grasped a hold of the bedspread, trying to balance herself as Lucien continued his careful movements. Even her soft whimpers had begun to fade as her eyes closed and she focused on the soft, careful rhythm, so very like a heartbeat.