Chapter 187

Elain had rather become accustomed to being able to feel Lucien down the bond. As they had grown closer and she had become more adept at using it and understanding it, the bond had steadily grown clearer and clearer. When she had formally and officially accepted it, the full force of it had hit her, and she wasn't yet used to the sheer intensity of the emotions that she would feel from him and, as she sat with Nesta in Helion's library, she pressed a hand to her chest when a wave of sadness washed over her. "Lucien…" she murmured, closing her eyes, and trying to focus on what she was feeling from him. Nesta, reading nearby in the sun, appeared not to have noticed.

He was hurt. Elain could tell that. Not physically and, as far as she could tell, he was in no danger. Someone had hurt him, though. He had told her that he wished to speak with his mother earlier in the morning, and Elain wondered if it had been Ashk. She couldn't really see the Lady of the Autumn Court intentionally hurting her beloved son, however, so she wondered what had happened. Perhaps it had not been Ashk at all who had hurt him. Perhaps it had been Helion. Wanting to get up and go to find him, Elain forced herself to remain in her seat by the window. He had needed to have important conversations with his parents, and she would allow him the time and space to do so. Just because somebody had possibly said something to him that he hadn't enjoyed didn't mean that he needed her to go running off to find him and take care of it. She still wanted to, though.

Instead, Elain focused on the window, her eyes moving over the spectacular view outside, as she tried to take in every little thing that was reaching her down the bond. It wasn't just hurt that Lucien was feeling, there was also a little pride, and there was love. His mother, then. He was likely still speaking with Ashk. Elain wondered what she might have said to Lucien that would have caused him such hurt.

Unable to focus, Elain flicked through the book in her lap. Why would the bond have showed her that emotion from Lucien if she wasn't meant to go and see if he was alright. It had always shown her visions of things that had allowed her to get to know him better, to better understand him, and therefore grow and develop their relationship. These things had never been arbitrary. So why would it now send her something like that if she was just meant to ignore it?

She had just resolved herself to give him ten minutes before she went looking for him, when Elain realised that she could hear Lucien's heartbeat growing louder. She could practically feel him getting closer and, by the time he had pushed open the large heavy doors to the library and walked in, she was on her feet and moving toward him before she had realised what she was doing.

"Petal…" Lucien had barely gotten the word out when Elain threw herself at him, wrapping her arms firmly around his neck as his own wound around her waist as he lifted her from the floor.

"Are you alright?" she asked, her cheek pressed to his as one of her hands moved up the back of his neck and into his hair.

"Yes. Would I not be?" he asked, and Elain's feet were back on the ground an instant later. She looked up at him, trying to read his face, but found nothing but curiosity.

"I… I could feel…" She bit her lip, glancing around at Nesta who had finally looked up from her book and was watching them. "How did your talk with your mother go?"

"Ah." He gave what she thought might be a rueful smile then, "She is returning to the Autumn Court."

"She isn't staying here?" Elain asked, watching as Lucien shook his head, "But… what about Helion?"

"He hasn't asked her to stay."

"Oh…" Elain frowned, looking down at her hands and wondering if she had misread Ashk and Helion's relationship, "I thought they…"

"As did I."

"Maybe…" Nesta put in, and both Elain and Lucien turned to face her, "They just need to have a simple conversation and admit that they want one another."

"Yeah," Lucien muttered, and Elain saw his eyes narrow at Nesta, "imagine that being the only obstacle standing between two people being together…"

Elain turned away quickly before Nesta would be able to see her face. "Have you spoken to your father?" she asked Lucien who shook his head.

"No." he replied, "I thought I would speak to you first. We need to settle on some things before I have some conversations with him."

"We do?"

"Yes." He took one of her hands in his, "Would you like to talk now?" His russet and golden eyes flicked Nesta's way for an instant before returning to settle on Elain's own. "Unless you were occupied…"

"No, we were just reading…"

"See you at dinner." Nesta murmured, returning to her book and Elain smiled before allowing Lucien to lead her out of the library and into the hallway.

She had thought that they might return to their suite, but Lucien lead them out onto one of the many balconies of the palace, into the fresh air and bright sunlight. "What did you want to talk about?" She asked, "Are you upset that your mother is leaving? Was that why you were hurt? You wanted her to stay here where you could see her every day?"

Russet and golden eyes slanted a glance at Elain and she fell silent, realising that she had just asked a bunch of questions, but given him no chance to reply. "That did hurt." He told her gently, "It felt petulant and silly, but I suppose I had hoped she would remain because, well partly, because she would want the chance to be close to me…" he smiled at her then, "Which leads me to what I wanted to ask you…"

"Does it?"

"Do you want to stay here?" he asked, and Elain raised her eyebrows at the directness of that question. She looked out over the balcony to the view which was nearly as good here as the one from the library had been. She wanted a home. She had known that for so long now, just as she knew that that home would be wherever Lucien was and wherever he was happy. She hadn't really picked a Court to focus that particular fantasy on, but she knew that they had options.

"I want you." She told him. "And I have you… so I am happy." Elain stopped walking then and turned to face Lucien. "Where would you be happy?" She asked, "Because that is what I want." Lifting a hand to run up his chest, she met his eyes. "What do you want?"

Lucien held her gaze for a moment before his eyes lowered and he blinked. She could just about see him thinking, that thoughtful expression passing across his features. "I am not sure how to answer that." He told her, "I'm not used to being asked what I want. I'm so used to being on the periphery, nobody has really cared about what I want for a long time…" Elain imagined that were true, being Emissary to the Spring Court and then the Night Court, not having a home of his own, or a family. "I haven't been anyone's priority."

Lifting both of her hands to Lucien's face, she held him gently, making him look back up to meet her eyes. "You are not in my periphery." She told him, "You are all I see."