Dean wasn't entirely prepared for Ellie to kiss him. And he would willingly admit that he pushed her away a little more slowly than he should have. But he'd learned his lesson with that Amazon. There was only Sophie. Only.

"Ellie, listen, I really didn't mean to offend earlier but…" he rubbed the back of his neck self consciously, "it's not that you're not gorgeous…It's just that…"

"I'm not your type?" Ellie sat on the foot of the bed, defeated.

"Ellie I've got a pregnant wife back home," Dean said. He dug his phone out of his pocket and fumbled his way through the three layers of passwords he had on the folder where he kept the pictures of him and Sophie: their wedding photos, a few pictures from their honeymoon, one from each of the times she'd gotten a positive pregnancy test. Give or take a week and he should have an ultrasound photo in there too.

"Right," Ellie rolled her eyes, unconvinced, as he punched in the last string of alphanumerics and handed her the phone.

"She's real," Dean assured her, "See."

It was a picture from their honeymoon, his favorite picture of the two of them, taken at the end of the Castle Trail out in Badlands National Park. The light caught on Sophie's eyes and made them sparkle and her hair had that reddish cast it got in the sun. And the lines in his own face were softened with relaxation. He didn't get moments like that often, and he liked to remember them when he got the chance.

"She's pretty," Ellie replied, "Congratulations."

"You should see the pies she bakes. Now," Dean shoved the phone back into his pocket, "Hellhounds."

—

"Dean," Sam protested, as his brother slumped dejectedly over the failed trial, "What the hell is wrong with you? Let me complete these trials. You're taking this on as a suicide mission. I'm not. So, let me close the damn gates. Because you're right, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. And I can bring you to that light with me if you'll let me."

"Sam…" Dean began, but his brother cut him off.

"And why the hell can't you see that light at the end of the tunnel? You've got your own room. We've got a place to live," Sam continued, "Sophie just made tenure. Sophie's pregnant!"

"And look how that went last time!" Dean snapped, startling himself.

"Is that what this is about?" Sam asked.

"Shut up," Dean replied, staring at the enochian spell in his hand and avoiding Sam's eyes.

"Dean she is fine," Sam insisted, "You've been calling her every two hours. She's alright. The baby's alright…Garth is there with her and you know he would have called if something was wrong."

"And everything was alright until she lost the last one," Dean's voice was choked with tears.

"Dean," Sam said, "You may not see a way out of this life. That's fine. I don't need you to. But I need you to want to stay alive. For Sophie. For that baby. For me. So let me do this."

"I couldn't save them Sam," Dean's gaze was unfocused.

"Yeah, you couldn't save her baby," Sam replied, "But you saved her. You and I both know Sophie wouldn't have survived that miscarriage without you. And if you saved her then you can save yourself and show up for the new baby. The new baby that is still very much alive. You want your kid to grow up without a dad?"

"Of course not," Dean said automatically, his eyes starting to brighten again.

"Then let me show you the light," Sam said, "And let me complete the trials."

Dean took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Okay," he agreed, "I may not be able to see the light. But I'm a damn good grunt and if you point me in the right direction I'll drag us both towards it."

"For the last time you're not a grunt Dean. You're the best hunter I've ever met. Better than me. Better than Dad. You're a genius when it comes to lore," Sam paused, "You know people usually marry others of similar intelligence right?"

"I don't want bullshit statistics right now Sammy," Dean replied, brusquely shoving the spell into Sam's hands.

"This isn't bullshit," Sam insisted, "You're married to a professor. She sees all that brilliance in you. I see all that brilliance in you. And I need you to see that you're not some expendable cog in the machine. I need you to actually believe in that. And I need you to believe in me."

"I'll work on it," Dean replied.