Author's Note: roses are red, violets are blue. sebastian has fingers, and tonight i'll get two :)
Warning: language, lime
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler. All rights to Yana Toboso.
Amend
Days pass and for some strange reason, Ciel began to feel restless. He reflected on the events that took place within the past several weeks and the depression Sebastian spoke about hit with great force; so much that he didn't care how disordered Sebastian's escape plan seemed, he was desperate. He wanted to let Sebastian know his feelings, but oddly, he hadn't seen the man all morning. Sebastian usually returned to the dayroom a little before breakfast was served, but he had not came. He knew he wasn't still in the kitchen cleaning, especially when noon came. It wasn't like Sebastian ate breakfast anyways, but it was still worrisome. Perhaps the raven had returned to his bedroom? He needed to get this off his chest.
Ciel requested to go to the bathroom and was let out of the dayroom. He walked briskly to Sebastian's room and looked through his room door window. Nothing.
His brows knitted and he continued down the corridor to the bathroom, growing meek and insecure. Sebastian had promised him he wouldn't hurt him again. He didn't take the man as a liar, but he is human after all and he did fear of what he could find once casting his eyes on the backrooms.
The door to the bathroom opened and Ciel stood for a moment, listening for anyone else thought could have been occupying one of the stalls. Hearing no one, Ciel dashed to the large stall. He bent down to look across the floor just to make sure there was no one else in the bathroom. He trotted to the wall and listened for any movement or muffled sounds before pressing. Icy air poured from the darkness and Ciel's hand quickly covered his nose from the dust.
"Sebastian..." He whispered out, but no one replied. "Sebastian!" He whispered more roughly, hoping his voice would carry, but not make much noise. He was again met with silence. It was disappointing, but not as disappointed as he would've been had he walked in on something else.
Ciel closed the wall and sighed. There were only so many places Sebastian could be unless he were in trouble. Not that he deserved it, but Ciel knew Sebastian wasn't the one to hold his tongue or mince his words. Sebastian lived in sarcasm and found amusement in ruffling feathers and while it was lighthearted, it cost him. He wished he would stop doing that as it pained him to see Sebastian under the mercy of a superior and being hurt or belittled in any form.
However, it appeared that much didn't move him; even after that beating, he moved on without a blink or second thought. Sebastian was brave. The thought made Ciel's heart skip, thinking of where Sebastian could be and what he was feeling and that he was okay.
Amend
If worry didn't consume Ciel before, it sure as hell did now.
The day he went looking for Sebastian, the man hadn't showed up at all, not even for bed. And now two whole days have passed and there was no sign of Sebastian. It was out of place and unsettling to not have him here. Even if Sebastian wasn't directly in his presence, he was able to be content with simply knowing that he was somewhere in the building, unharmed.
Not knowing where he was or if he was okay or not mortified him. Ciel tried to reason with himself that Sebastian was okay or that he had in fact gotten himself in trouble and was facing punishment by solitary confinement which would be the most reasonable conclusion to him not being present the past few days. But the most morbid of thoughts couldn't help but cloud the blue-nette's mind. One's that were of Sebastian not being here anymore; Alive.
Ciel sat at his and Sebastian's table with a look of confusion and worry. He held a hand to his head with his hair pulled back. He couldn't hide his unease. His mind raced through horrid possibilities and wondered what he would do if something happened to Sebastian. There would be no fight left in him, no opportunity for escape, for a second chance.
"Ciel Phantomhive." A man rested a hand on Ciel's shoulders. He looked up to one of the staff who gestured for him to follow. "You have a visitor."
Ciel stood and followed the man to the visitation room, unsure of who could be here to see him. Walking in, Ciel's eyes immediately went right and saw a tall tan woman with deep blue eyes. She sat with her purse to her side and kept her eyes down, waiting for whomever she was here to see.
Motion in Ciel's peripheral caught his attention and turned his gaze to it. The tall blond with soften icy blue eyes smiled at him and Ciel ran over to hug his brother. So much has happened to Ciel in these past few weeks that he had actually forgotten Alois promised to see him.
They swayed back and forth in a tight embrace. They parted and the visitation door opened again. Ciel and Alois sat down and both looked at the man who walked pass them.
Claude.
The golden eyed man walked across the room to the woman and hugged her tightly before sitting down.
Ciel hadn't seen Claude since he walked in on him and Sebastian in the backroom. Seeing Claude again was an unpleasant reminder. Perhaps he knew where Sebastian was. While he missed and was worried about Sebastian, he hadn't seen his brother in weeks. Alois was here and he needed his family.
"Oh my God..." Alois said breathlessly. "He's gorgeous."
Ciel's face fell and he stared blankly at his brother through annoyed half-lidded eyes. "Really?"
"Do you even see him? Look at him." Alois's eyes locked on Claude without any self-awareness of his staring.
"Yeah, I see him. I see a mental patient."
"Well that makes two of you, doesn't it?" Alois looked back at Ciel, cocking his head.
Ciel tensed up, but had no rebuttal. He immediately felt guilty, remembering that Claude was still Sebastian's friend and Ciel didn't know Claude to have any hostility towards him. Outside of their intimate relationship, Sebastian cared for Claude. Ciel wasn't in a relationship with Sebastian and he had much more history with Claude than him. Sebastian had no obligation to him and had every right to prioritize Claude, but instead, he promised him he would no longer sleep with Claude to cater to his feelings. That should be enough for Ciel to learn how to let go, shouldn't it?
"Sorry..." Alois became meek. "That was so insensitive."
"No." Ciel shook his head. "You're right." He reassured. It was him who was insensitive and should've held his tongue.
Moments of silence pass and Alois searched for the right words to say to his brother. It had been so long and he missed him, obviously, but so much has transpired that Alois didn't know where to start. Ciel was going through a lot and under public scrutiny and he was sure that he knew this. He had so much he wanted to ask, but didn't want to say anything that would trigger a negative reaction, but what could he find in this ordeal was not negative?
"I don't even know where to start..." Alois scoffed.
"I know we have a lot to talk about, so... Maybe from the beginning?"
"Yeah..." Alois exhaled deeply. "But first, how have you been? I know it's a stupid question..."
Ciel looked down briefly and thought about his time at Creedmoor. Solitary confinement was hellish; not because of the solitude, but his tormentor had followed. Ciel hadn't been haunted by him in a while and he was always on edge in fear of his return, especially when alone. And that beating by Ash was etched in Ciel's mind. Fortunately the pain and swelling and redness subsided, but it was one to remember. Outside of that, the only contentment and sense of security Ciel had was when around Sebastian and that had been enough for him. But now that the man had disappeared, Ciel didn't know how he would fair anymore.
"Uh... I've been... Surviving." Ciel said in a sad laugh. "That's the best way I can put it."
"You're not being hurt or anything, are you?"
"No." Ciel answered immediately.
Alois raised a brow, hoping that Ciel was truthful.
"I'm fine, Alois."
"I'm just concerned. You look a little thinner since I last saw you."
"The food is actually good here so you don't have to worry about me starving."
Alois nodded with a smile seeming to believe Ciel.
"You said you made a friend? What's his name."
"Yeah... Sebastian. He's really all I have in here. I wish you could meet him. He's what's been keeping me sane."
"I'm just happy you have someone. I wish I could be here with you so you won't feel alone."
"You coming to see me is more than enough." Ciel smiled. "Is Lizzie alright?"
"She's managing. Everyone is giving her a hard time about standing by you. Trying to be strong for all of us."
Ciel nodded. "And what about you? How are you holding up?"
Alois looks down with sad eyes. "I... I don't even know how to answer that." Alois leans and crosses his arms on the table. "I miss our parents." Alois voice cracks. "I'm just confused..."
"I miss them too, Alois. I promise you what everyone is saying isn't true." Ciel reaches for Alois's hands. "I don't know what evidence they say they have, but Alois, you know me."
"They found your fingerprints on the knife used to stab them... And the gasoline jug outside the house."
"You know I wouldn't do this." Ciel pleaded and Alois looked up.
"I don't believe you would, I'm just confused."
Ciel let go of Alois and sat back defensively. His own brother isn't even confident in him enough to take his word for it. It pained him and he wanted to be upset with Alois for his doubtfulness, but it was understandable. If police and investigators matched his fingerprints with ones on weapons that killed his parents and caused the fire, who was he to tell Alois he was wrong to believe he did it or just not know what to believe at all; he wasn't there after all. What wasn't understandable was how his fingerprints ended up on the weapons. He was just as confused as Alois if not more.
Ciel didn't have a history of violence. He barely raised his voice. There was nothing that could have possibly made Ciel want to hurt his parents and sabotage his life. If he were on the outside looking in, he would think that after murdering his parents and disappearing for almost a month, he would want to stay hidden and not leave behind fingerprint evidence that would link him to the crime.
Absolutely nothing made sense.
"I can't even be upset if you don't." Ciel said lowly.
"It's not that I don't... I just... What happened, Ciel?" He shifted. "That day went so well. Nothing about how you acted that day made me believe you would do something like that. I don't see you having that much potential for violence in you."
Ciel looked off to the side. He reminded himself that he never told Alois his side of the story, he's only ever heard what was in the news to draw his own conclusions.
"I fell asleep after you left. Woke up for dinner and then went back to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night to the house on fire. When I ran to their room, the door was locked from the inside. I busted it open and saw them still in bed, but they were already dead... They must've been killed before the fire. I got knocked out and then woke up in a cage. They kept me in there for weeks and then branded me before I escaped. I waved a car down and a woman pulled over. I asked her to take me to the police, but we stopped at a gas station where I saw officers. I tried to get them to listen and come back with me to the place I escaped, but they weren't hearing it and arrested me on the spot... Now, I'm here."
Alois watched Ciel tell his side of the story and took metal notes, analyzing his story for any hints of lies and contradictions and he most certainly felt guilty for doing so. Rachel and Vincent were his parents just as much as they were Ciel's and Ciel was his brother; he knew him, or so he hoped.
Vincent and Rachel were found stabbed to death before the fire and signs of forced entry was found during the search. If Ciel did it, but claimed that he woke up to the fire, it would make no sense to kill them and set the fire just to return to break down the door. Ciel had disappeared for a month and said it was due to a kidnapping. If Ciel committed the murder and escaped, being unable to be found for a month, it would make sense for him to stay hidden. But instead he returned and had intention of going straight to the police. Only someone oof a guilty conscience would turn themselves in, but his brother was adamant about his innocence and he wanted to believe him so, so bad.
Ciel saw Alois lost in thought, seemly combing through his story and letting it sink in. The silence agitated his nerves, wondering if his brother's faith in him was withering until he spoke.
"You said... When you escaped, a woman pulled over and you're the one that asked her to take you to the police?"
"Yeah." Ciel nodded.
"When they arrested you, did she talk to the police at all?"
"I... I think she did." Ciel jogged his memory to the night of his arrest. He did recall seeing the woman speaking with one of the officers, but what exactly what was said was unknown. Surely they obtained her information seeing as she was in direct contact with him.
"Did you tell your lawyer this?"
"No, I don't think so..." Ciel trailed off, truly not remembering if he had or not.
"You have to, Ciel. If they're able to find that woman and ask her about seeing you and that you wanted to go to the police, maybe they will-"
Ciel shook his head. "I don't think that's gonna work, Alois." He cut the blond off.
"Why not?" Alois frowned.
He understood his brother's thinking. If the woman were to give her testimony that he was in distress and demanded to go to the police, insisting the police to follow him back to where his kidnapper had prisoned him to prove his innocence, but by now, Ciel had not even known where he was taken. Perhaps in that moment he could retrace his steps and lead them back to where he escaped, but what truly does it mean anymore? His kidnapper and any evidence of Ciel's capture were long gone by now and what good would her word do? It could be written off as having a guilty conscience and that would defeat the purpose of his insanity plea.
The whole purpose of innocent by reason of insanity is to prove that the criminal pleads not guilty due to the absence of culpability and intent. If Ciel displayed any reason for the court and prosecution to believe he felt a sense of guilt by turning himself in, the intent was there and his insanity defense would be thrown out the window.
Now, Ciel would not plea guilty to a crime he didn't commit, however, if he were to serve time for it, he would rather do it in an environment that would not compromise his mental stability any further or be a constant threat on his life.
"They're defending me by insanity."
"Insanity?"
"If I'm found innocent by reason of insanity, I'll stay here for however long they sentence me to. If I'm found guilty…"
"You'll go to prison." Alois finishes.
It began to make sense to Alois, knowing where his brother was coming from and stepping into his shoes. Even with the evidence pin-pointing Ciel as the perpetrator, he had faith in his innocence. He didn't want Ciel suffering the hellish horrors of what awaited him in prison, especially over a crime he didn't commit; horrors that he knew he wouldn't survive.
"I get it…" Alois says. "I do… I don't judge you and I believe you."
"You do?" Hope sprung in his voice.
"I love you, Ciel. We grew up together. You're my brother. I know you." Alois reached for Ciel, pulling him into a tight hug. "Mom and dad knows you wouldn't do this either."
Tears sprung to Ciel's eyes, hugging Alois back. If only his parents were here to champion him; to defend his innocence because they loved their son and knew their son loved them in return and an act as violent and sinister was beyond his realm of character. He desired their embrace and security, his life when it was so much simpler, but with so much promise.
Sebastian's harsh, yet true, words rushed back to him: His parents weren't coming back, his old life isn't coming back and what has happened and is currently happing to him is his life now. And it's a life he must come to terms with wether he likes it or not.
"I love you too." Ciel cried. "And I love and missed them so much."
Alois rubbed Ciel's back, a tear slipping from his eye. The two held each other in a sorrowful caress until Alois's phone rang. They both let go and Ciel wiped his face while Alois pulled out his phone to read the caller ID.
"Shit. It's my job." Alois brushed the tears away and cleared his throat. "Just give me a second."
"It's okay, Alois. Go." Ciel smiled.
"Are you sure?" He looked at Ciel sadly. It was his first time in weeks he's seen his brother and didn't want to leave so soon.
"I'm sure. Do what you have to do. I'll be okay."
Alois's eyes saddened. He knew Ciel was trying to keep strong, but he could see his hurt, loneliness and fear and he grabbed him once more.
"I love you. I'm always here, on your side."
"I love you too. Thank you for coming to see me."
"I'll visit again as soon as I can." Ciel nodded and released Alois as they stood up.
"I'll see you later then." Ciel said, knowing he wasn't sure of that himself. He didn't know where the man had disappeared to, but now that Alois was leaving, Sebastian was now at the forefront of his mind and the more Ciel thought about his treatment at Creedmoor and the fate of his future, the more appealing Sebastian's offer became.
Alois gave one last woeful gaze before taking his leave. Almost immediately after Alois left the visitation room, and one of the staff entered and Ciel stood to be escorted back to the dayroom.
Amend
On the way back to the dayroom, Ciel felt his bladder become heavy and requested to use the bathroom.
The man stood outside the patient quarters corridor and Ciel walked inside and down the hall to the bathroom. Opening the bathroom door swiftly, Ciel jogged to the urinal stall, drew his pants down mid-thigh and released. He flushed and exited the stall to the sink and washed his hands.
Ciel looked up in the mirror and to the large stall where he heard a low deep humming. His heart jumped and he paused for a few seconds before slowly turning the faucet off to hear the humming clearer.
Ciel turned and locked on the stall, noticing it was slightly open. As Ciel approached, the greater the humming became intelligible and segued into words; a song.
"Wise… Men… Say…"
Ciel opened the stall and tiptoed to the wall where the singing continued, his ear just a few inches from touching the wall.
Only fools… Rush… In~…"
Ciel slowly pushed open the wall, crisp cool air pouring out and the voice was now crystal. Deep and velvety, warm and rich. It didn't match the voices of the other patients in the ward and even though the golden eyed man had a deep voice as well, it couldn't have been Claude, he had still been in the visitation room. It could only belong to one person.
"But I~… Can't… Help…"
The light from the bathroom shined inside only so far, but just enough to see what Ciel searched for. Ciel's eyes immediately locked on Sebastian sitting on the backroom steps with closed eyes, his head tilted to the side, letting his bangs hang. He was leaning back on the steps using his elbows to prop himself up and his legs gapped lazily. The opening of the wall alerted Sebastian of Ciel's presence and light from the bathroom could be seen through his lids and he slowly opened his deep fiery eyes, locking them with Ciel's.
"Taking your soul… From… You~…" Sebastian cooed the last word before smiling a toothy innocent smile.
"I don't think those are the lyrics."
"No? Perhaps the loony bin is starting to take its toll."
Ciel crosses his arms and stared at Sebastian with half-lidded eyes, trying to appear unamused in contrast to how he felt inside. He wanted to laugh straight in Sebastian's face for how unserious he was, but he wanted answers for the man's forty-eight hour disappearance.
"Where have you been?" Ciel demanded.
"Pardon?" Sebastian raised a brow.
"The past two days, where were you?"
"Taking care of needs." Sebastian straightened his seating.
"You're in a nut-house. What kind of needs do you have that makes you disappear for two days?"
Sebastian frowned at Ciel's words. Ciel always had a rather touchy attitude and slick tongue, but he would be lying to himself if he protested that it didn't raise heat in him.
"How rude. You're getting feistier by the day."
"I thought something happened to you."
Sebastian's eyes lit with amusement. "You were worried?"
"Of course I was worried!"
"Stop yelling." Sebastian hushed the blue-nette.
"I thought you did something else to piss the Jesus Freak off." Ciel lowered his voice. "Or worse… I thought you were hurt…" Ciel trailed off.
"Hurt?"
"Like you being killed and having your body dumped or burned to ash… I didn't see or hear from you so I thought the worst…"
"Like you being killed and having your body dumped or burned to ash… I didn't see or hear from you so I thought the worst…"
Sebastian stared at Ciel blankly for a few moments before a hand covered his mouth to muffle the laugh that slipped out. Ciel frowned and his fists balled wanting to hit Sebastian for laughing at his worry and how much he cared. His face heated and his body trembled at the embarrassment.
"You think my concern is funny?" He gritted.
Sebastian smiled and reached for Ciel, pulling him into his lap. "No, not at all." He chuckled. "You're just so morbid. But I'm here now. Unharmed. So, you can put your mind at ease."
Ciel huffed and crossed his arms. Now that Sebastian was here, his worry could wash away and without missing a beat, the dynamic returned. He was okay and that's all that mattered.
"Yeah, whatever." Ciel rolled his eyes. "I wanted to talk to you though."
"About?" Sebastian cocked his head.
"I want to escape. I'm ready."
Sebastian looked at Ciel with uncertain eyes. "No you're not."
"What do you mean I'm not. Yes, I am." Ciel protested. He couldn't believe after all the convincing Sebastian had been doing that now he was on board with wanting a way out, he would deny him.
"No, Ciel. You're not. I know that incident with Ash may have shook you up, but you're not ready to let go and leave behind everything. You're still going through the motions of grief. I don't want you making life-changing decisions off short term feelings before accepting what your life for what it's to become."
"So what was the point of bringing up a way out and showing me the tunnels if you're not going to follow through?"
"Because you asked. It was optional."
"And now I'm asking you to help us leave."
"Us?"
"Yes. Us. You said yourself that the only reason you haven't left yet was because you needed me. You have me now. Or were you lying?" He pressed.
Sebastian hummed letting silence fill the air for just a moment while he thought. Ciel could see the wheels turning in Sebastian's head and stifled himself, awaiting a response.
"Okay, Ciel…" He sighed. "I'll scout the tunnels again. We'll need an actual boat, but based on the weather it may take time for me to obtain one. I'll have to speak to my friend in China as well. I'll let you know when."
Ciel's eyes lightened up. Forgetting his own logic of questioning how two men using a sail boat to travel open water from Britain to Denmark in the dead of winter flew out the window. Sebastian had been confined to this building and its consequences dished out from those who run it far longer than he has and now Ciel could understand Sebastian's desperation.
"On one condition." Sebastian said and Ciel looked confused. Sebastian said that all he needed was him and his trust, he had had both. What more could he want?
"What?"
"Claude has to come too." Sebastian smiled innocently.
Ciel's face fell and he tensed. "You're joking, right?"
"Nope." Sebastian shook his head.
First he tells Ciel that Claude didn't have what he needed and that Ciel he was all he needed to escape, and now he's giving him ultimatums on whether his ex-lover will tag along or not? This was unbelievable and it was hurtful Ciel's thoughts immediately relapsed back to the night he caught the two having sex.
"Why? So you can have a fuck buddy for the trip?" Ciel spat.
"Because Claude is still my friend, Ciel. I'm not going to abandon him."
"Yeah, okay." Ciel looked away in irritation, crossing his arms.
"I gave you my word I wouldn't sleep with him anymore and I'm keeping my word. There's no need to be jealous anymore~." Sebastian cooed, purposely riling Ciel up, seeing his face redden knowing he can't deny his evident envy. "This is so interesting." Sebastian said lowly.
"What is?" Ciel questioned, refusing to turn back.
"You. You interacting with me this way is so… New to me. It's interesting."
"I'm glad I entertain you." Ciel said flatly and Sebastian chuckled. He nuzzled his face in Ciel's neck and inhaled before he nipped and kissed, making Ciel's back arch at the new feeling.
"I told you already." He placed another soft kiss. "You have all I need. "
Ciel gasped and gripped Sebastian's shoulder when he felt something hard grow and press against his bottom. His own member began to tingle and harden as Sebastian snaked his arms around Ciel's waist and positioned him to face him with Ciel's legs now on both side of Sebastian. The two members brushed and pressed against each other and Ciel wrapped his arms around Sebastians neck as he grind and Sebastian pressed his lips to Ciel's. Sebastian tongue slid inside the younger's mouth and Ciel moaned.
One of his hands ran down Sebastian's chest and gripped the clothed cock. His fingers traced the pants band before pulling it and Sebastian's hand flew to Ciel's wrist to stop him.
"I want it…" Ciel said in a shaky breath.
"Not yet."
"But why?"
Sebastian smiled softly and cupped Ciel's flushed face.
"Good things come to those who wait."
Ciel groaned in annoyance. However, he had spent his nights pleasuring himself to the thought of Sebastian's face, how he imagined the man would touch him, making him writhe in ecstasy. He had desired to be in Claude's position of having access to Sebastian intimately not too long ago, and not just sexually, and it almost seemed that his wish did not fall on deaf ears of fate. His desires were answered and he would not press any further to ruin a good thing.
Sebastian held Ciel tightly as he stood up and sat the blue-nette on his feet before dusting the back of his pants. "Come now, before someone notices you're gone." Sebastian said, pushing him out the backroom and closing the wall behind them.
Ciel's eyes widened, Sebastian reminding him that one of the staff had been waiting for him outside the hall and hoped the man didn't suspect anything by waiting so long.
"Shit!" Ciel cursed himself and dashed out the bathroom leaving Sebastian behind in the stall. The older man chuckled as he exited the stall and strolled out the bathroom, soon reuniting with Ciel in the dayroom as he began to hum the melody just earlier.
Amend