Some of you might remember this chapter. I posted it near the start of Covid before realizing maybe it wasn't the best thing to be posting in timing with a global pandemic. That said, I am no fan of lost media or fanfics being pulled from the internet, even if it just means one chapter of this old weird collection I made, so for the sake of preservation, here you go. Everything after this is completely unedited from how it was originally (except for me removing the massive list of ideas that used to take up the top of it).
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Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Awakening, all rights to the owners.
So, someone once made a joke about Memetic Cognitohazard Robin, and then just a little while ago ToAruKagakuNoPersona suggested Living Hallucination Robin. I think it's a sign… so here we go. Memetic Cognitohazard is a bit further away from this idea than Living Hallucination, but I hope it scratches the same itch. This chapter is the Robin Virus.
"Wing Commander, we're getting more reports about that thing."
"Clarify." Phila says, not looking up from her paperwork. "There are many things I know of, Vila."
"Phenomenon R, Commander."
"I see…" Phila frowns and spares the girl a glance. "Leave those reports here. I'll handle them myself. You've told no one else?"
"Of course not Commander."
"Good. You are dismissed."
The girl snaps a sharp salute, turns on her heel, and exits the room. As soon as the girl is out of the room Phila grabs up the reports and starts looking through it.
Phenomenon R, or as it's known to Emmeryn's inner circle, Virus R, is new. It's been around for only a month and it's not like any other virus Ylisse has ever seen. As of currently they're acting under the assumption that Virus R is magical in nature, but they're unsure if it is an attack from Plegia, an independent party, or naturally created via one of the magical hotspots in the country. This wouldn't be the first magical virus to come out of the Fey Jungle, nor the Titan Sinkhole or the Dead Jungle, though such origins for the virus would imply it has come through Plegia to reach them and therefore surely they would have heard of this long before it hit Ylisse.
Most of the symptoms are negligible. A small cough and the most minor sensitivity to bright lights are hardly something to be concerned about. You can easily forget those symptoms even exist. The last symptom, however, is the most bizzare and potentially very dangerous, and also make Virus R hard to distinguish from other illnesses because it doesn't always manifest.
Sufferers of Virus R occasionally see a figure. The figure is apparently Plegian, with pale skin, short black hair, and red eyes. It appears to be male and of average build, and wears a modified Grimleal hierophant cloak. Under most circumstances he simply watches from a distance.
The only reason the healers managed to determine the figure was part of the illness, a hallucination induced by it, was the fact that only infected people were capable of seeing him even when he was supposedly unhidden and in plain sight.
The figure has also spoken on two occasions so far. Once, when the pegasus knights were flying into the territory of a pair of wild Manticores, the figure shouted a warning up to the squadron, and that warning proved true.
Still, heeding words from a hallucination is not something Phila wants her girls doing. While not mentioning that interaction specifically, she made it clear that they were to heed their squad captain over anyone else.
Unfortunately Emmeryn's inner circle doesn't know how to handle such a unique issue. Virus R can leave a person seemingly at will, making it hard to study as it is always gone from a person by the time it is inspected.
"At the very least it is not a fatal illness…" Phila thinks. The reports are nothing special this time. Just more sightings of the figure. She writes instructions to have the girls who saw him undergo a medical check, but she knows the healers won't find anything. She summons a messenger to deliver her orders before dropping back in her seat. "It's out of my hands. I have to hope the mages and healers can think of something."
###
Today there's an update on Virus R awaiting Phila in her office. Virus R is not unique to the pegasus corps, it has infected multiple branches of the army. This update is from the cavalry corps, and they managed to confirm completely by accident that the figure seen as a result from Virus R has a consistent place in time between those infected. That's to say if two people are infected with Virus R, they will both see the figure in the same place at the same time rather than two seperate hallucinations.
Also, Vila is late. Though just as Phila thinks that the girl in question walks through the door.
"Wing Commander, pardon my lateness." The girl says. She salutes the older woman. "I had to see a healer."
"Why so?" Phila asks critically. Vila looks perfectly fine. Phila is definitely going to check with the healers later to ensure this isn't a lie to excuse oversleeping or something like that.
"As I was doing my morning training, I saw our phenomenal friend." Vila says quietly.
"Ah." Phila's brow furrows. She's infected. "And what did the healers say?"
"The healers did not find anything more than cold symptoms." Vila says. "However the mage noted that arcane sight revealed a faint aura of magic around me, so it would seem Phenomenon R is indeed magical in nature."
Phila had already been assuming that, but it's nice to have confirmation. "What else did they say?"
"They claimed the magic was concentrated around my eyes and ears." Vila says. "And that when I cough, the magic spikes. With that knowledge the healer suggested that my coughing is being induced rather than it being natural, perhaps as a way to spread this… virus."
Well, it would seem Vila is aware Phenomenon R is a virus now. She thought it was a curse before. Phila supposes it would have happened at some point. "I see. Are you still infected, or has Virus R retreated from your system?"
Vila blinks in surprise. Phila knows the girl is just realizing that Phila always knew it was a virus. "Pardon?"
"Virus R has a tendency to flee infected victims before they can be analyzed by a healer. You are an unusual case as you are the only one who has gone to a healer on their own rather than being prompted." Phila explains calmly. "And as your situation is different, I ask you: Are you still infected?"
"I was when I left the healers." Vila says. "Right now… I-" She pauses, then coughs into her sleeve. "I suppose I am."
"I see." Phila frowns. "When did your symptoms start? Not when you saw the hallucination, just your cough."
"Two days ago Wing Commander."
"I see." Then there is a small chance that Phila is also infected. She'll have to be careful. "I have a special job for you Vila."
"Yes Commander?"
"Find the hallucination and follow it. I want a full report of it's movements by the end of the day. If you can, figure out who else can see it." Phila istructs. "Wear a scarf so as to not spread the virus."
"Yes Commander!" Vila salutes, then quickly turns around and rushes out of the room.
Perhaps Vila's infection is a blessing in disguise, Phila muses. A way to track the hallucination is very useful indeed…
###
Tracking the figure is not as simple as Phila hoped it would be, though it's not for lack of effort on Vila's part. The brown-haired girl spares no expense in tracking the figure, but sometimes the figure is simply not in the area and there's nothing Vila can do about it.
Vila has managed to gather some valuable information though. The figure spends a lot of time in their various military camps. They watch units as they train, follow patrols, and sometimes even wander the barracks. Sometimes they leave though. They walk out into the city or off into the forest and it can take a while for them to come back.
Sometimes, the figure also goes into the castle. Vila can follow to a certain extent thanks to the clearance Phila has granted her, but sometimes the figure goes where she cannot.
It worries Phila that the figure occasionally ventures to the royal quarters. She informs Emmeryn of as much, and the Exalt thanks her for the warning.
A few days later Phila get a message from Emmeryn informing her that the reason the figure went to the royal quarters seems to be because one of the servants that cleaned Lissa's room had contracted the virus, and the figure made a point of conversing with her. Emmeryn also presents a new theory on how the figure's location works: any patrol the figure follows coincides with an infected individual going on patrol. Therefore, perhaps the figure's location is limited to the proximity of infected individuals.
That would make sense. This is a virus they're talking about. The figure is a hallucination. A collective hallucination perhaps, but a hallucination. Who's to say it is bound by the logic of reality despite the fact that it appears to comply with it? Is there any reason why it could not teleport if it wanted to? Or walk through a wall? The figure is likely a fabrication of the virus in the first place.
Phila sighs. This is confusing. She didn't think she'd be dealing with magical viruses when she became Wing Commander.
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Phila looks long and hard, arms crossed, and a frown on her face.
It's her first time seeing the figure. They're more or less as she expected them to be, though she was expecting something strange about them. Maybe a shimmer around their body, disjointed movements, something, but no, they look very normal.
As normal as a grimleal walking through the Ylissian royal palace can look anyways. Phila sees them pass by the open door of the meeting room she's in out of the corner of her eye. She only got a brief glance, but they're unmistakable.
Phila keeps her calm and goes through the rest of the meeting. As soon as she's done she finds a messenger, dictates a message to Emmeryn saying she cannot attend further meetings due to R, and returns to her room to find a scarf. She can't risk spreading this to someone else.
Now Phila has a problem. The virus means she's compromised. If the figure can appear wherever an infected individual is, that means they can ostensibly see any of the sensitive files and reports she makes should they appear without her notice.
This is problematic though. She cannot simply abandon her position because of an illness, yet she is a potential liability now should she choose to work. She doesn't want to give potentially important information to this virus. Clearly the virus has a measure of intelligence, or at least there is an intelligence controlling the hallucination.
How troublesome. Hopefully the healers can get some useful notes on the virus by looking her over at least.
(They don't, but it was worth a try.)
###
Phila walks into her office one day to find the figure sitting on the edge of her desk. He's staring down at the papers there curiously, and looks up at her when she enters.
"Ah, Wing Commander. There you are." The figure says calmly. "I've been meaning to talk to you for a while, but my assessment took much longer than I expected. It's not exactly easy to direct the spread of myself to individuals I desire all the time."
"Who are you?" Phila asks, and draws a dagger from her hip.
"You'd know me as Virus R." They say, and ignore the dagger. "I like to call myself Robin. It sounds a lot less… alien."
"How can you be a virus?" Phila scoffs. "A sentient virus? You expect me to believe that?"
"Eventually." Robin shrugs. "Anyhow, your recruits, and really the whole Ylissian military, display a startling lack of common sense. I do realize Ylisse is a firm proponent of keeping only a skeleton crew of a military, but that's all the more reason for them to be competent."
Phila eyes narrow. "Are you calling my teachings ineffective."
"Oh no, far from it. I'm claiming all the other teachers are ineffective." Robin hums. "Really, you should see how lax some of your captains are when you aren't looking. Even some basic camping skills are beyond them. They don't check maps thoroughly enough either. I had to warn them about well-known manticore territory once because they were too lazy to check beforehand. Disappointing really…"
"You expect me to believe you?"
"Yep. Because I know you're going to check right after this." Robin says. "Vila -competent girl by the way, you chose your secetery well- knows that you do that."
"Oh really?"
"She keeps a journal. I've seen it. Very detailed." Robin nods absently. "So, anyhow. You might want to fire Gale, and maybe Hannah. Incidentally, you should consider promoting Cordelia. I know she's relatively new, but she really is competent."
"I won't stand to have my captains insulted." Phila warns.
"You know I'm right though." The figure sighs. "Don't be so prickly, I'm trying to help here! Besides, what can you really do to me?"
To prove his point, Robin stands up and marches towards her. Phila levels her dagger, but of course Robin calmly passes right through the blade. He's a hallucination after all… but still capable of playing with her senses. He reaches out and cheekily pats her on the cheek, which she can indeed feel.
"You shouldn't raise your blood pressure so much when you're sick." He says cheekily. "Anyhow, I'm sure you're busy, and I've got a meeting with Chrom in a few minutes. I'll talk to you later."
He casually strides through her, sending a chill through her body, and moves out the door. He waves absently without looking at her as he leaves.
Phila considers following him for a moment, then decides against it. There's a chance Robin is lying, and that his claim of meeting Chrom is only a ploy to attempt to get her to infect the prince. She won't fall for such a clear trick.
That said, she absolutely has to report this to Emmeryn.
###
"Wake up! Now!"
Phila jolts awake in her bed. Her hand instinctively grabs the dagger on her bedside table, though she quickly realizes it won't be helpful.
Robin, the embodiment of Virus R, stands beside her. "You need to hurry. There are assassins in the castle. I just spotted one climbing the outer wall through the eyes of a guard. He didn't notice, but I did."
"I can't merely-"
"You have to take my word for it." Robin interrupts forcefully. "I've already alerted the Prince, but they can't leave the royal wing of the palace or they'll leave Emmeryn in danger. I've also alerted Sumia back at the barracks, but it will take time for the Shepherds to arrive. You need to move, you're the only competent line of defence!"
Phila curses under her breath. She has no idea how truthful Robin is being, but this isn't something she can risk. He was telling the truth before about her captains slacking, so (despite her misgivings) she's going to take his word for it here. Better safe than sorry.
She throws on her chestplate and boots and forgoes the rest of her armor. There isn't time. She snatches her lance, an immaculately maintained custom weapon known as a Brave lance, and rushes out of her door towards the royal wing of the palace.
She nearly collides with the first assassin as she's running around a corner. The man has quick reflexes, but nowhere close to Phila's level. Middle-aged she may be, but finely-trained instincts are far more useful than whatever small boost the man's youth might give him. She runs him through before he can swing his sword.
"The Shepherds have entered the palace. They're still a minute away." Robin's voice whispers in her ear. The figure himself is nowhere to be seen. "Chrom, Lissa, Emmeryn, and Frederick are holed up in Emmeryn's room. There's also a masked man standing near the doorway."
"How do you know this?"
"I use all the senses of everyone infected with me. I'm seeing through your eyes along with Chrom's, Sumia's, Lissa's, and several other people. I'm also hearing through all of your ears." The voice explains.
"Where are you?"
"You mean my 'figure', as you call it? That's just something I use to interact with people. I like to keep it consistent even between multiple people so I look like a proper person. Technically it's just a precise hallucination though. I could make you see anything; like a dog, or a dragon, or I could make your whole world greyscale, or just blind you. I'm not really anywhere, or if we're being technical I'm with everyone who's infected."
Phila purses her lips. She takes another corner at high speed and meets a group of three assassins. Two with swords, and one with a spear. Without stopping she weaves around the point of the spear and strikes them all down with three quick strikes of her own weapon.
"Ah, good, I got Vila up. Deep sleeper that one." Robin's voice murmurs. "I've told her to wake the pegasus knights. Hopefully she'll listen to me."
"Unlikely."
"A virus can hope, can't he?"
Phila makes it to the royal wing of the castle and makes a dash for Emmeryn's room. She can see the masked figure Robin mentioned standing outside the door. They tense upon seeing Phila barrelling down the hall, but step back and allow access to the room when Phila slows down.
"Wing Commander." The masked figure nods. They sound like someone trying way too hard to be male. Their voice is too naturally high to pull it off properly. "I will stand guard. The royals are inside."
Phila steps inside the room to see that the masked figure was telling the truth. Emmeryn and Lissa are at the back of the room while Chrom is arguing with Frederick. The figure of Robin is standing next to them.
"We need to be active Frederick!" Chrom is protesting. "We cannot allow assassins to run rampant in the palace!"
"I agree." Robin says. "It's fine to leave some defence here for Emmeryn, but a proactive approach will be more effective in reducing the overall damage."
Frederick glares at Robin. "We do not need your input, ghost."
"I've already told you, I'm a virus."
"I will not allow you your refuge in audacity. You are clearly a spirit."
"Focus Frederick." Chrom says. "I still say we need to be active."
"I disagree." Phila barks, interrupting them. "Someone needs to be active, and it's not you. Your life is invaluable Milord. I will deal with the assassins. You will remain here."
"I agree." Frederick says instantly.
"That works too." Robin shrugs. "Sorry Chrom."
Chrom sputters with indignation. In the corner of the room, Lissa breathes a quiet sigh of relief.
Taking command of fighting the assassins puts Phila in the uncomfortable position of working with Robin, as apparently he has been acting as the Shepherd's tactician for a while now (despite Frederick's distrust).
"Lissa was patient zero." Robin admits. "I don't know how or why, my memory only extends back a few months."
So her attempts to keep the royal family free of infection were for naught to begin with. Lovely.
Through Robin's careful division of their resources, he manages to direct the Shepherds and Phila to contain and eliminate the assassins with great speed.
…
Phila still doesn't trust him, but maybe Robin has his uses.
Super weird idea, and very difficult to work with. Was fun though.