Chapter Five: Catch-22

"Soooo, that was…interesting."

Ren stretched his arms over his head before resting one over his eyes. "Yeah, you could say that."

By the time Ren had finished cleaning the cafe, including sweeping and mopping the floors, it was nearly ten o'clock and he was exhausted. Now that Sadayo-san had gone home, the excitement that hanging out with her had brought was now wearing off faster than he'd imagined. He yawned loudly as he laid on his back. Morgana tiptoed and rested alongside his chest.

"So, um, ten thousand yen?" Morgana's voice was hesitant, like he knew he might be treading on dangerous ground. "That seems like a lot of money just to hang out with someone like Kawakami."

Ren didn't move and his eyes didn't narrow, but his voice sure sounded like they had. "And what do you mean by 'someone like Kawakami'?"

In truth, Ren knew precisely what his partner was alluding to: that was an exorbitant amount of money to pay for anything (well, for something that would've had no use in the metaverse, anyway), let alone for two hours of cooking for someone else and then chatting for the better part of that time. That that person had been one of his teachers at Shujin - and no more than that, he'd add - made the whole thing even more bizarre.

And when he spelled it out like that to himself, the whole notion seemed, well…kinda stupid. Except it wasn't, not really. Not to him, anyway.

"Joker, you know what I mean. She was just your teacher."

"Morgana, did you not listen to a fucking word I said after that party? I thought I was pretty clear why I'm doing this."

Morgana blinked a couple of times. "Uh, no you weren't. You actually said that you weren't even sure why you wanted Oracle to look out for her in the first place."

Ren opened his mouth to retort before closing it. The not-cat was right; he hadn't actually explained his reasons then. Did he even understand his reasons now? He huffed a breath.

"Fuck. You're right. Sorry Morgana. Didn't mean to snap at you." He felt a soft presence press into his hip a couple of times.

"It's okay, Joker. I'm sorry I keep pressing you. Heh, it's funny."

"What is?"

"All that talk when we were thieves about 'chivalry' and all that -"

"Which you still bring up, by the way. You did it tonight, too."

"Yeah," Morgana let out a deflated sigh, "but, I talk so much about stuff like that, and then when you actually are chivalrous, I get on your case about it anyway. That…that's not right either."

Ren scratched between his ears. "Nobody's perfect, Morg. We're just doing the best we can, I guess." He yawned loudly. "But to answer your question, I think I care so much because I just…I get the feeling that Sadayo-san is more than what she is? Like, yeah she's a pretty average teacher - at best - and from what she says, a pretty bad maid. But I just get this feeling that there's more to her than that. Like, why work two jobs that you're either not good at or don't even like? Hell, one of them is like a 'career' kind of job. I don't get it, and I want to." He blew out a breath. "Besides, everyone is more than just a job, or a label or whatever."

"Like a 'delinquent'?"

"Yeah, like a delinquent." He shrugged. "I guess I want to get to know her. Color me intrigued."

Morgana himself yawned. "So…it's a maid fetish," he deadpanned.

Ren snorted a laugh. "Yeah, definitely a maid fetish."

There was a beat of silence before he heard the not-cat yawn. "Hey Joker?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're trying to help her."

"Thanks. That means a lot."

Another beat of silence.

"Hey Morg?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think she's lying about her sister?"

"I don't know. Maybe? Why? Do you?"

Ren scratched at the side of his neck. "I'm not sure. It just feels like she's not telling me something."

"Well, so what? She's allowed to have secrets."

"Yeah, I get that, but it just doesn't add up."

"Heh, trying to use your Third Eye?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"You're gonna keep requesting her, right?"

Ren sighed, rubbing at his eyes. He really should be asleep. "Yeah."

"Hmm." Morgana stood up, turning in a complete circle next to him before laying back down again. "Well, hopefully you'll get some answers."

A few minutes later, he heard the not-cat purring softly as sleep finally overcame his partner. If only Ren could be so lucky.

Sadayo's second appointment at Leblanc had come shortly after her first, and she had vowed to ensure that if Ren-kun was going to spend the absurd sum of money that it took for her services, then she was going to make sure she earned it. She'd already felt badly enough about the ten thousand yen that he'd spent the last time for what had amounted to her eating curry, drinking coffee, and harassing him about his high school love life. It was that last part that bothered her the most because she didn't like how easily the conversation had flowed in that direction, and she knew that she could have steered away from the topic. Instead, she'd harassed him about Niijima-san, Takamaki-chan, Okumura-san…even anyone he'd dated after he'd left Shujin.

Sure, she was a hopeless romantic at heart, an easy assessment to make if anyone caught a single glance at her DVD collection, but it's not like Ren-kun knew that, right? As far as he knew, she was just the tired teacher that worked nightly as a maid. It certainly didn't excuse her pushing the conversation in that direction. But this led to bigger, more uncomfortable questions about herself: Was she so desperate for companionship that she'd hoped to live vicariously through him? Maybe she was only hoping to find that after everything he'd been through at Shujin and with Shido, Ren-kun had still been able to be a normal teenager. That was the one she hoped for, it was the one that she told herself was the real reason. In either case, she had to steer clear of that topic again. Something about its directness didn't sit right with her. She had to maintain her distance of maid and master, at least to some degree.

"Hiiii, Master!" As soon as she opened the door to Leblanc, Becky immediately was cranked up to ten. After he took her coat and hung it up, he pointed to the middle booth, which already had a cup of coffee ready for her. Undoubtedly it was made precisely how she liked it.

"Why, Master! You're so kind, but Becky isn't here to drink! Becky is here to serve!"

He'd not cared for that response at all and rolled his eyes.

The damn kid rolled his eyes!

Sadayo was too flustered to even respond, so she dumbly eased into the booth and took a sip of the ever-exquisite coffee - all the while giving Ren-kun what she hoped was a disgruntled helping of side-eye.

He'd taken her annoyance and smirked before returning with a bowl of curry. "I hope you like it, Sadayo-san. I changed the spice ratios a little as kind of an experiment. I hope you don't mind."

She rolled her eyes. "Great. So I get to be your guinea pig," she deadpanned. Again, she tried to show him that she was well and truly annoyed, but she either did a terrible job at it or something else struck him as funny, because his only response was to laugh at her.

"'Guinea pig', huh? I guess you could say that." He laughed again in a way that hinted that there was a joke to which "guinea pig" was the punchline, but it was hearty and contained no malice. He rested his hand on the table, and Sadayo had the sneaking suspicion that he was uncertain about…something else before he shoved it back into his pocket. "Anyway, I hope you like it. Let me know if you need anything, okay?" He'd dropped the teasing tone with that last question, and there was a certain earnestness about it that both made her happy yet uneasy at the same time.

"So Sadayo-san, how have you been? How's your sister?"

"Oh, my sister is doing, um, better. Thank you."

Ren sighed. Always the hesitation. Do I…? Hmm, maybe not. I'll try again next time?

His first question had at least managed to pry her open about the rest of her troubles, though. Maybe it was just the way he asked it, with that earnest look on his face, and before she knew it, she was venting to him about Shujin, about some of her other clients, about how she still didn't get requested much, about how money was tight ("Wait until you graduate from university and you get out in the real world, Ren-kun"). But he always listened attentively and politely while she ate, rarely interrupting her and when she finished, she somehow felt better and lighter.

It was almost like he knew what she needed.

When she finished both the coffee and the curry ("it was a nice change, Ren-kun"), he asked if she would help him clean up the cafe.

"Which one do you want, Becky: the floors or the dishes?"

She certainly didn't feel comfortable washing dishes that would be used by other customers. In truth, she couldn't even remember the last time she'd hand-washed a dish. There was no way in hell she was doing those dishes. But hey, at least he was actually getting something out of the services he was paying for.

"I'll take the floor, Master," she purred.

Again, he gave her a little smirk in between two lightly blushing cheeks before he pulled the broom and mop out of the closet. He looked directly into her eyes; his steely gray eyes somehow full of warmth. "Let me know if you're too tired or anything." He fidgeted a little. "I mean it. I'd have you relax the whole shift if you'd not been so hell-bent about this, you know." The way he told her this, full of nervousness and care was disarming.

Sadayo pushed Becky aside for a moment. "I know, Ren-kun. Thank you. But I can't have you spend your money and not get anything out of it. I know I'm not a very good maid, but I'll at least earn my fee if you don't mind."

He opened his mouth to say something, but instead he sighed with a little nod.

So they spent the next twenty minutes or so doing clean up. It wasn't really hard work, Sadayo realized, and it made her wonder if Ren-kun hadn't already given the floor a once-over. As she worked, she couldn't help but look over at him, occasionally catching him stealing little glances her way. At first she thought it was just him making sure that she was all right - and for the most part, he probably was - but the touch of red that she would see on his face before he snapped his attention back around to the dishes hinted otherwise. The realization that he might be stealing glances at her for some other reason pinked her own cheeks and, despite her best efforts, caused a little smile to form.

Once they'd finished, he stood in the center of the café with his hands on his hips, appraising.

"The place looks great," he praised her with a smile. "Thanks for the help, Becky."

Sadayo beamed and made a little heart with her hands. "Of course, Master! Becky is so happy that she has pleased Master this evening!" Then she winked at him.

"Well, uh, Becky sure is good at pleasing her Master," he added with a smirk and flushed cheeks. For a moment they just looked at each other like that - stoic Master and eager Maid - until they both broke into a fit of laughter.

"Thank you, Ren-kun," she said honestly after she finally caught her breath. Sadayo gave him a warm little smile as he slipped her jacket over her arms and onto her shoulders.

"You're welcome, Sadayo-san."

His little smile remained long after she'd texted him that she was home safe.

That had been her second appointment with Ren-kun.

Yeah, so much for "keeping her distance".

She would note later that evening, as she tossed in her bed instead of sleeping in it, that she was doing what she vowed not to do.

Ren-kun was already getting too close. She had to slow this down, but she needed the money and he was her only reliable customer.

There was an American book that she'd heard of before - and had turned into a popular term there - that she thought summed up her predicament rather accurately:

It was a Catch-22.

The third appointment had started out largely the same as the last one.

Again, she'd been hesitant to accept his kindness directly. He was full of "here's your coffee, have a seat, curry will be up in a minute" like he had been every time she'd been here. Her hesitance was, once again, ignored with vigor and all of the grace of a bulldozer plowing through a flower garden. He'd left her no choice but to sit, have dinner, and relax.

"You look tired, Sadayo-san. Is everything okay? How's your sister?"

Her face flushed at the concern he showed her and the lie she continued to tell. But at least she remembered what she had to do.

"Better."

That's it, keep it short and sweet. It's easier to keep track of the lie.

"Hmm. That's good." He drummed his fingers for a moment, hiding his thoughts behind an unreadable face. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath before meeting her eyes with his - coffee brown to his granite gray. He'd been pondering this next move since after the first time he'd requested her. When he'd asked her why she was working as a maid, she'd said that it was for her sister's medical bills.

He'd seen through that lie and hadn't even needed his now dormant "Third Eye".

"What are the payments really for, Sadayo-san?"

Her eyes narrowed in reply. "They're for my sister, I told you."

He sighed, looking at the table before meeting her face again. "I know, but I…think there's more to it?"

Ren knew that he was pushing her, and that he was doing so on very shaky ground. But he'd resolved to try to get to the bottom of it, not because he wanted to hurt her, but because he wanted to -

"Ren-kun, I don't know what you think you're doing, but please just drop this."

The number of scenarios that zipped through her mind were myriad and nauseating. Did he think she had gambling debts (doubly-taboo since it's effectively banned), or maybe was deep into some loan shark with ties to the yakuza? Did he think she had some kind of drug habit? It wasn't so much that she was paying whom she was paying, it was what she was paying for. Sadayo had a suspicion that the troublemaking barista in front of her would have quite a lot to say on the matter, and little of it good. She figured that the chances were high that for him to know would all but confirm every awful thing she'd been as his teacher, and with Futaba-chan in the mix as well? No, this was his final warning.

He wasn't sure how long he stared at her, stoic and unmoving while watching those brown eyes of hers search his. It was probably little more than a few seconds at most, but between the pulse in his ears and the sound of his breathing, he couldn't rightly say for sure.

Do I? Don't I? I have to know, and it's an obvious lie…or omission. But I can't help her if I push her away by badgering her. And if I do that, then I can't help her at all.

Regroup. Find a safe room.

Back down, live to fight another day.

Ren put his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. I'll drop it, I promise." He offered an uncertain smile that he hoped would serve as an olive branch. "Sorry about that, Sadayo-san. You're a grown woman and you have your reasons. Sometimes I just, I don't know, get a hunch and then I can't let it go. I can't tell you the number of times I've ended up with egg on my face because of it."

Sadayo knew that he wasn't backing down because he believed her stupid "my sister is very sick" sob story. If anything, he had just confirmed that he hadn't believed it at all. But maybe that was okay, she didn't need him to believe her. She needed him to leave it alone, at least for now. Someday, maybe she could tell him about Takase-kun and what she was guilty of, but now was not that time.

And besides, he was a reliable source of income.

Mercifully, she flashed him a somewhat understanding smile, but there were traces of residual fear in her eyes. "Listen, Ren-kun, I appreciate you caring, I really do, but there's nothing for me to tell you."

He nodded, no sign of animosity to be found. "Okay, fair enough." He cleared his throat. "So, aside from me putting my foot in my mouth, how are things?"

Sadayo felt her unease melt away as he poked fun at himself, allowing herself to ease back into their comfort zone. Before she knew it, she was spilling her troubles on the table to him again, and with each passing syllable, she felt lighter and freer.

Her stressors were the usual suspects: Chouno-sensei was on her case again because she had to cut out from a meeting early, student scores were down from last year and they needed to find out why, she needed to get her brakes checked and really didn't want to put out the money for it…the usual "being an adult" kind of troubles. Then she told of him that she'd stubbed her toe on her desk, burnt rice for another of Becky's clients…the usual. It was all so…undignified.

She laid her forehead on the table. "Ren-kun, I just can't catch a break, can I?"

Smirking, he reached forward and tapped on the table near her mug. "Oh, I don't know. It's not all bad, right? Even though this 'Master' is kind of an idiot?"

When Sadayo lifted her head, she couldn't help but feel - despite the previous bit of tension between them - lighter as she looked at him. The dark bangs that framed his face around his glasses accented the small smile that he so often wore. She sat up with a little smile of her own. "You're right. It isn't all bad," she began before finishing off her coffee, "and you're not an 'idiot', Master."

He snorted a laugh. "Says you."

Sadayo crossed her arms across her chest, giving him a scolding look. "Damn right, 'says me'. Now get up, Master. You need to show Becky what she's doing tonight," she finished with a smile.

With that, and satisfied that she felt better after dinner and the little venting session, Ren suggested that this time, he'd take care of the cafe while she went upstairs and changed the bed sheets, watered his plant, and swept the floorboards. He could hear her footsteps overhead as her weight would 'creak' the floorboards sometimes. Whenever he turned the water off to dry a dish, he could hear what he thought was the sound of Sadayo-san singing. He turned the water back on and quietly made his way to the stairs, ears pointed in the direction of her voice. She was definitely singing, though he didn't recognize the song. Her singing voice was soft and perhaps a little deeper than he expected for a woman, but yeah…he quite liked it. After eavesdropping on a few more bars of the song, he smiled softly to himself and finished the dishes before heading upstairs to check on her progress.

When he joined her, he was greeted with a sight that he hadn't expected to see. The broom and dustpan were leaning against the wall by the couch, and on said couch he found his maid stretched across with an arm over her eyes, snoring softly. One stockinged leg dangled off the side of the couch, foot resting on the floor, while the other was laid over the armrest, her shoe hanging on for dear life haphazardly from her toes. He stood by the edge of the table that was in front of the couch, uncertain about what his next move should be. He settled on starting with the simplest one.

"Hey, Sadayo-san, you okay?"

Thank God it was that easy.

"Hmm?" As soon as she said it, Sadayo realized where she was and shot up with a start. "Oh yes, Master! Sorry, but Becky just needed a bit of a breather!"

Ren smirked. "It's no problem, honest. Do you need to rest a little longer before you go? I can study a little bit so you're not up here by yourself."

"Oh no, Master! Becky just -"

He put a hand up. "Look, I know tonight was a little weird, but I want you to know that you don't need to pretend to be Becky for my benefit." He averted his eyes and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I think it's pretty obvious that I like having you here as, you know, you," he murmured quietly.

Sadayo bit her bottom lip. What if she told him that she did it for her benefit?

She dropped the act anyway. "O-okay, Ren-kun. It's just…"

…easier for me to keep my distance with Becky around. I can't afford to get close and old habits die hard.

This is so damn exhausting.

"…just part of the job, right? This is my 'Maid Persona', so it's sometimes hard to shrug it off." She sat up uneasily. "But, if I'm falling asleep, then I should probably be going home. I'm sure my shift is over by now."

The thought of Sadayo-san unleashing Becky in the metaverse almost made him lose it and erupt in laughter. She would, in full maid outfit with twin tails and all, shout "Becky" in anger as some weird, twisted version of a maid appeared behind her, feather duster in hand. What would her magic specialty be? Would Sadayo-san be the true healer? Would she clear status effects with little to no effort like she was cleaning a carpet?

"Yeah, it is. Thanks again, I'm sure I'm a hassle."

She frowned at that last part, but said nothing.

He led her back downstairs, stopping only long enough for her to grab her purse and phone from the middle booth. Stopping near the door, Ren once again took the time to slip on her jacket.

"Hey, I'm so-"

Sadayo faced him, eyes earnest. "Ren-kun. I told you it was fine."

He turned away, sheepish as he found himself so often with her. "Okay. But, uh, fair warning: I'll probably apologize again."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from such a caring Master."

Like he needed a reason to keep blushing.

"You'll -"

"Message you when I'm home? Of course."

He nodded without another word, but when she took a few steps out into the cool evening, she looked back at him over her shoulder, pigtails dancing lightly.

"Thank you, Ren-kun. Good night."

She marched off before he could wish her the same.

Locking the door behind him, Ren took a few more minutes to give the cafe one last inspection before heading upstairs for bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow, a certain orange-haired hacker grabbed his attention.

Oracle: Good save, joker

Oracle: wtf were u thinking tho

Oracle: that was the kind of thing I expect from inari or queen ffs

Oracle: not u. So what gives?

Joker: dunno. got ahead of myself I guess

Joker: i'll be more careful

Oracle: u better

Joker: yeah. Tell mona I said good night

Oracle: the bum's already asleep

Oracle: but good night

Joker: u 2

Plugging his phone to charge on the side table, Ren laid on his back and tried to unwind his frustration at himself for getting carried away with Sadayo-san.

Looked like if he was going to help his friend - and that's what she was whether she liked it or not - he'd have to be far more subtle.

Thankfully, Joker knew how to do "subtle" too.

Sadayo was relieved that the march up to her apartment had been a lonely one. There were no witnesses, no gawkers to study her appearance and silently judge her. Maybe some of that was due to the main elevator being out of service (Typical, she'd thought), forcing her to trudge her way up the flights of steps, arriving at her front door more winded than she had any right to be. The thought that she should really make time for proper exercise and go on something resembling a diet crossed her mind.

She slipped her key in, unlocking her front door with a little doorknob shimmy just as the sound of a neighboring door swinging open told her that she was about to have a witness. She poured into her apartment before that neighbor could even greet her, just how she'd wanted. If she looked the way she felt, there was no way in hell she wanted anyone to see her like this.

Being dressed as Becky would have only made it worse.

"Ugh," Sadayo groaned as she shut the door behind her. "That was a long one." She dropped her bags on the floor with a heavy thud before stepping out of her sneakers. She pulled her feet from her socks, holding each one down with the opposite foot as she did so. She had to do it this way because bending over to yank them off was too much work and if she sat down to do it, chances were high that she wasn't getting off the couch for the rest of the evening. Unfastening the button on her jeans, she shimmied her way out of them before simply rolling them down her legs. Rolling her eyes, she pulled her underwear back up after they'd tried to hitch a ride with the jeans to the floor.

It had been two days since Becky's last appointment with Ren-kun, and today had been a long day. She certainly wouldn't have minded spending some of this evening at Leblanc. Sighing, she checked the time on her phone: 10:13 PM. Alongside the time, she had three new voicemail messages that she wasn't keen on listening to. "I'll deal with you after a shower and a drink, how about that?"

A few minutes later, she was in the shower with nearly scalding hot water pelting her skin like wet fire. She didn't really mind it, to be honest. After days like today, there was something about the heat, steam and violence of the heavy water that helped to release much of the tension in her body (but never all of it; never enough of it).

After classes had dismissed, there had been a faculty meeting discussing the upcoming mid-terms, then she had rushed out to her stocking job at one of the local stores. Sadayo had been in such a hurry that she hadn't had time to eat - so it was a couple of snacks and an energy drink to power through the shift. Then there had been a massive spill in the stock room because someone hadn't stacked items on the pallet correctly (why the hell would someone put the heavy laundry detergent on top of the paper towels?) and because of call outs, she'd been alone doing the clean up. Painkillers were definitely on the menu tonight. Hell, they might even be the main course (and the appetizer…and dessert).

In truth, she'd hoped that she could've found a job that would've been a little easier on her body since Becky usually needed more of her physicality. Unfortunately, anything else would have put her front and center with the public, and there was no way she wanted to take a chance encountering one of her students, or now more importantly, Ren-kun. Considering the status of that relationship, the last thing she needed was to see him out in public. Thank God he wasn't her student anymore. But that fact only made it worse. He wasn't her student, he didn't have contact with her every day, yet he still reached out to her. It brought up a whole host of things that she couldn't properly digest during the best of times.

Ugh!

She wasn't sure what would be worse: this "meeting by appointment only" or actually having to face him every day in class knowing that he knew about her other self. Sure he was nosey, and pushy, and made great coffee and curry and let her rest and relax on his dime, but on top of that, he listened to her! He didn't make her feel stupid!

The nerve of that damn kid.

It was a fatal flaw of Ren-kun, she thought. He always showed her that he cared about her. The why was irrelevant. It was unnerving, the way he did that. This was especially true after the last two times she'd been there. Each time, she'd tried to arrive as Becky, full of fake cheerfulness and a voice full of "Master", only to have him shoo Becky out the door and sit Sadayo down in her place. Becky had only come back at her insistence. In any case, he listened to her quietly and attentively as she griped about her day, about how the other teachers treated her, about what she wished she could do. She'd also noted that he rarely saddled her with what problems he was having, though she was sure that he had them. Instead, he chose to saddle her with rest, great food and drink, and a companionship that she had been starved of for far too long.

It was unnerving, and it had made her feel uneasy every time she returned home. She wasn't supposed to be doing this; he wasn't supposed to be doing this. He was a customer! He was still just a kid (relatively-speaking)! Furthermore, she was a disgrace and no amount of companionship or care from others would ever wash that stain from her. But there was just something about him that allowed her guard to drop, and damn it she loved it despite how much she tried to chase it away.

The last few years of running herself ragged, coupled with why she worked so much in the first place, had done wonders in managing to bring her social life to a screeching halt. She rarely talked to anyone outside of Shujin, and those she did speak to seemed to mostly be comprised of Becky's clients. So, you know, kids and weirdos.

It didn't allow for what she would exactly call "stimulating conversation" or normal relationships.

Which is why it had felt so refreshing to just have a conversation with another person for once, without pretenses or any expectations. Ren-kun didn't really ask anything from her, or expect anything in return despite the fact that he was technically paying for the conversation. For the few hours that she spent with him, she almost felt alive again. Sadayo had nearly forgotten what it was like, but being with him was like soaking up heavy rain after a drought of months. She was gulping it down.

She hadn't realized how much she needed it until she had gotten a taste. And then at the same time…

The ramifications of even being his friend, or allowing him to have her as one were, in a word, unnerving. But the thought of it - having a real friendship - unfurled a whole host of new concerns. Chief among them would be that he would be showing that he cared, well, more than she knew he already did.

But the question persisted:

Was she even allowed to enjoy being with Ren-kun?

And if they were friends, as her imagination liked to pretend that they were, it would mean their friendship literally cost him money. She was, in a way, stealing from someone whom she considered to be her friend. Which only made Sadayo feel worse. Was she allowed to get closer to him? He wasn't her student anymore, but even so…it still felt a little strange. That he might have also saved her from what would likely have escalated into a dire situation complicated matters as well. Did she owe him her company if he asked for it? No, that was preposterous. She didn't owe him anything more, but she wanted to spend more time with him because she simply wanted to. Would that extend to seeing him if she ever had down time? If she just went to Leblanc on a whim as he'd originally suggested?

Would she then allowed to be considered his friend? A more pertinent question might be: would he even want to be her friend, outside of the pretense of "Maid and Master"? What would he think of her if he knew precisely why she was working as Becky, or at any of the other small part-time jobs that she had carouseled through over the last few years?

She was thinking in circles and it was making her nauseous.

"Ugh! Sadayo, stop it! You're overthinking this! Just enjoy what you've got while you've got it," she chastised to herself.

But I shouldn't. Not after what happened. It's not fair that I get to be happy - even a little bit - when he can't. But I need the money. And I…

Biting her lip, she shook her head in annoyance. "Too much, much too much. Can't think of that right now. Nope."

So now Sadayo sat, sulking with a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other. She had showered but was sweating already despite the open windows because summer was fast approaching, and it sure seemed like it was going to be a bitch already. The bright side was that at least she'd be able to go fishing more often with the coming reduced workload at school in a couple of months. The downside, of course, was…well…everything else, including the heavy heat that came along with it.

She remembered those messages and decided to finally bite the damn bullet.

Accessing her voicemail, she tried to calm herself down. These days, messages left on her phone were sources of an exquisite type of anxiety.

First message: "Hi Sadayo. It's mom. We haven't talked in a while. In fact, it's been…three months, two weeks, and…four days. I know we don't talk much during the best of times, but…I miss you. I'm sure you're very busy, but you know your father's birthday is coming up in a few months. It's on-"

"August third -"

"August third -"

"-which is a Friday. You're on summer break then, and I thought it would be nice for us to…I'll come down to see you, if it's easier. I promise not to nag or anything like that. It's just…I miss you, Sadayo. Please call me. I love you."

Yeah, that went about as well as she could've hoped.

Sadayo squeezed her eyes shut, she squeezed them so hard that it hurt.

Of course she'd bring up dad.

Her father was a sore topic for them both. Of course Sadayo missed him; she missed her mom, too. But she had found it so much easier to just…drift away after her failure as a teacher. Now all these years later, it seemed to have only gotten worse. The longer it went on this way, the harder it became for Sadayo to fix things. Her shame and exhaustion sapped her courage.

Sighing, she moved onto the next message.

Next message: "Hello Kawakami-san, my name is Tanaka Iho calling from your local Subaru dealer about your vehicle's extended warra-"

Click.

Message deleted. Next message: "Good evening Kawakami-san."

Sadayo closed her eyes, holding her breath. She knew who this was.

"We're just calling to remind you that your payment of thirty-one thousandis due by the end of this week. Please have it transferred to our account by the usual method. We know that you wouldn't dare dishonor the memory of our precious child."

Her heart beat loudly in her ears, it was the only other sound aside from the voice on her phone.

"Good night, Kawakami-san."

"Shit," she whispered to the steamy air. She should have known that the payments were going to increase, after all, summer was fast approaching.

Fanning herself lamely with her hand, the thought of this heat for the next few months without running any air conditioning put actual fear into her. The idea of the sticky clothes, the multiple showers, sweating while just laying in bed did not present to her an appetizing prospect. On top of that, she knew that the financial demands of the Takases were likely just going to increase as well. This call was just a taste of what lay in store for her, considering that the previous three payments had not surpassed eighteen thousand. It had given her the barest sliver of breathing room, but with the summer coming up, that was about to change.

The reasons were myriad, of course. They had to run their own air conditioning, and it was just about time for them to start their summer vacationing jaunts. These were usually trips to far flung areas of the world, at least according to them. Their traveling excursions were some of the few times they gave her any insight into what exactly she was funding. Near the start of the new year, they had journeyed to Los Angeles in the United States. Last summer they had gone to Europe for a few weeks. She was sure that these trips helped them take their minds off of what she had done. Sadayo couldn't help but feel a little jealous, but at the same time she knew that they deserved everything that they took. She knew that she didn't deserve to enjoy more than what she had already. Which also meant that she would be fine with the extra shifts and reduced time for herself.

Okay, so that meant maybe not as much fishing or walks in the park as she had hoped. The thought of not being able to do the things that she enjoyed brought her back to her current conundrum, because she'd probably have to rely on him even more.

Friendships were hard. Their friendship also happened to be weird, too.

On a whim, she opened her messaging app. Ren-kun had sent her a direct message the morning after their little argument.

RA: Hey, I wanted to say sorry again

RA: u know for what I said earlier

SK: don't worry about it

SK: we're fine I promise

RA: ok. Thx. I'll talk to u soon

RA: hope u have a good day :)

"Ren-kun, what the hell am I going to do with you?"