News that the city's limited army intended to attack our enemies reached the nobles, and Elthina, just as Cullen and I were finishing up our tour of the lines.

To my complete lack of surprise we were both immediately summoned back to the Grand Chantry to find that the reports had done nothing but divide everyone even further.

On the positive side, it seemed to make a handful of them remember that the Qunari ships really were on their way, and that the military crisis was anything but over and done with. Another ten knights, plus a minor baron, all quickly volunteered to join in. Combining them with their various squires, guards, and levies, and that gave us another forty or so swords to work with.

By Cullen's accounting, our numbers were actually looking all right as far as our attack plan went, and he'd laid it all out for Elthina when she'd demanded the details in a private briefing for just her and Saemus.

Our primary attack would have Cullen leading a full hundred Templars into the Gallows, with another fifty as backup. The remaining members of the order, a bit less than three hundred in total, would serve as the central core of my little army at the Docks. The fifty mages were eager to prove themselves, as were the hundred and fifty or so knights, mercenaries, and lesser nobles.

Adding in the Night Watch, who Brennan had agreed to relieve at the Chantry, plus what Guards she could spare, and I'd be commanding damn near six hundred men and women.

Two to one wasn't as one-sided as I'd have liked, but that was what the mages and Isabella's cannons would be for.

Plus, if things really went to hell, Brennan would have the rest of the Guard ready to come down and join in. We'd accept more rioting in the city if it meant a final victory over the Qun. That part of the plan we hadn't told to Cullen, or Elthina, who began making unhappy noises long before we'd finished describing the plan to her in her personal office.

The Grand Cleric had been clearly displeased that we'd gone around her to plan an open attack, openly telling us that she'd intended for our plans to be strictly defensive in nature. For once in agreement with his puppet-master, Saemus was openly terrified that we'd get most of our men killed. Something that would leave him entirely at the mercy of the rest of the nobility, without any hope that we might one day stage a coup to save him from the role he'd been thrust into.

Our counter-point, that we had to do something to knock out either the Mages or the Qunari before more enemies arrived, had met with Elthina's grudging admission. She'd accepted that point, but had remained extremely doubtful over the scale and ambition of our plans.

That we'd ruined most of her hard work convincing everyone that things were fine was clearly at work as well, making the normally collected woman far more snappish than usual.

The circular arguments on the subject went on until near midnight before the Grand Cleric finally let us go, saying she'd make a decision over the coming days. Cullen had still been extremely confident that she'd approve the plans in the end, while I'd been far less sanguine, and openly so.

Only our mutual exhaustion had stopped us from arguing about that on our way back to the Alienage.

He'd headed to Elowen's home, staying as her guest of honor, while I'd headed for the Chantry's basement.

The Eluvian was shut down and covered once again, and someone had brought a large mattress down. It was laid out on the floor, and was where Isabella and I had found Merrill long since asleep.

Getting my armor off had woken her, but we'd all been too tired to talk. I'd collapsed into Merrill's arms at once, burying my face in her throat, while Isabella had pressed up against my back, hugging the both of us.

I knew I'd be sweating in the morning, but in the moment all I could think of was how good it to be held by them both.

I'd enjoyed about five seconds of darkness before my eyes had opened to the Fade, something that drew an entirely petulant groan from my lips.

"Not tonight." I whined at the swirling sky. "I just want to rest."

Footsteps heralded Longing's approach, my personal devil settling down beside me. Her own expression was serious in a way that boded ill even before she spoke. "I am sorry, but we must speak."

I sighed. "Is the Nightmare here?"

"No. Worse."

I froze, feeling my mouth go dry. "...the Wolf?"

"He found the Dream-Catchers." She confirmed quietly. "Curiosity led him to one after I refused, and he scented out this one as soon as he knew what to look for."

My hands trembled as I pushed myself up, quickly looking around. I couldn't see Solas anywhere, but what I did see were more than a dozen scantily clad demons. Each and every one of them was armed with swords, their tails thrashing as they stood guard just outside of the web. for her part, Longing stood as well, her own expression rigidly under control. Not that it stopped her own tail from whipping from side to side just as badly as her subordinates, betraying the fact that she wasn't as calm about this as she was pretending to be.

"We drove him away." Longing gently helped me up, nodding to the other Spirits of Desire. "They keep watch for him, and fend off those lesser wisps he has sent to try and observe from a distance."

"...shit and fuck." I whispered. "Not this too. Not fucking now."

Longing slid her arms around my chest, pulling my back to her front. Holding me against her, trying to provide the comfort I badly desired. "I am sorry. I could not keep him away."

I bit my lip, shaking my head once. Then twice.

Of course she couldn't have kept him away. Sure, in the mortal world right now, Solas would be weak as a kitten, if he was even awake. Probably barely able to manage even a candlelight spell. It would take him years to get up to anything close to full power there. Inquisition plus two years, if I remembered right, which would be... most of a decade from now.

But here? In the Fade? Here he was probably approaching full Dreamer-God levels. Fully capable of throwing down with anyone he wanted to deal with. Capable of killing other dreamers in the Fade, ending their lives in reality.

He was capital-D Dangerous.

"What did he want?" I asked after a few calming breaths.

Her shoulder twitched behind me. "To understand your Dream-Catchers. This one, in particular. It has begun to cut into his own Veil, disrupting it, creating discordant noise. He believes that I taught you how to create them. I suspect he thinks I did so with the intention of weakening his Veil to the point where I might cross over without difficulty."

I hummed, slowly relaxing into her grip. As I realized that he really wasn't here, wasn't listening in. That I had time to think for once.

"Is that possible?" I asked.

It was her turn to hum. "In theory, perhaps. You would need to make further adjustments to your Catcher, a great many of them. I also doubt it could be done anywhere the Veil was not as thin as it is in Kirkwall. Even then, what would the point be? I have seen the mortal world several times, and have little desire to return."

I believed her, if only because she'd had every chance to possess me. If wandering around Thedas had been her goal, she'd blown several easy chances to accomplish it.

"All right." I mulled it over further, "Odds that he's going to come back?"

"High." She admitted, grip tightening for a moment before she seemed to force herself to relax. "I cannot keep my tethered spirits here indefinitely. They must feed their desires as well. Right now I am rotating them a few at a time, but the Dread Wolf is powerful, and we are not... the most combative of spirits. We can hold him at bay, drive him off, but even that is a dangerous proposition for us. Worse, it is a distraction in a dangerous time."

I nodded, still thinking. She had a point about that. I'd really been hoping she'd be able to look into Martyr, and what the hell it had meant with what it had said to me. Why it had done what it had to help cover up my magic in front of the Templars.

But that wasn't going to be possible if she had to constantly stand guard against Solas trying to break through my Dream-Catcher.

"His plans." I said finally. "You think he'll try and break it, like the Nightmare did? Could he manage that?"

"Perhaps. He was startled by its power in his first attempt, but he will not underestimate it again. Further, this form of magic is exactly his specialty. It is... entirely possible he could unmake it, once he understands it. Or simply slip through. It is a remarkable spell in many ways, but you are a novice and he a master."

I winced at the mental image of Solas casually strolling through my most powerful defense, entirely unbothered. I shuddered, leaving Longing to hug me a little tighter.

"Uh, right." Stopping him was out of the question, so that meant I had to fall back on avoidance. "Will the Catcher moving around in reality affect his ability to find it?"

Longing considered that for a moment. "Only for a short period of time. The Veil is, after all, his creation. Your Catcher's effects on it will be something he can track now that he knows what to look for."

"But it might buy us some time." I said, "Plus, if he is waking up in reality soon, he'll have a mortal's schedule. He won't be constantly dreaming, cutting down on the time he can spend looking. Especially since he's got to have his own reasons for waking up, his own plans. He'll be distracted, which will make it harder for him to focus on one little mystery."

"True." Longing replied. "I assume you mean to depart this city shortly?"

I relayed our rough plans to her, confirming that our time in Kirkwall was over and done with. That we'd be getting the city's elves through the first safe Eluvian we could find. Once they were settled in, I'd be making for Amaranthine. By conventional means, or by the Crossroads, whichever would be faster.

"Once I'm there," I spoke my thoughts out loud, "We'll be able to settle in to Hawke's castle long term. Do you think he could breach standard dream-wards?"

"Ahhh." I felt her chin nudge the top of my head when she nodded, "You mean to have Merrill ward the castle, and to cease using your Dream-Catcher?"

I nodded as well, "Yeah. Shut it down as soon as we leave the city. Rely on you and Merrill for safety until we get settled again, give him nothing to track me down with. Would that work?"

A hum. "It should. Modern wards are a constant presence all through this realm, he should have no reason to suspect that Merrill's would be the ones shielding you. Even should he attempt it, if she powers them with blood, they could be enough to slow him down. Let you rouse yourself before he could harm you."

That sounded like a plan, and I said so.

"Agreed." She went on, warming to it as well. "We would have to cease your own experiments as a dreamer, they are extremely loud, and he will assuredly contract other spirits to listen for you. That being said, I believe it would work long enough for us to come up with a proper means of confronting him, if that is your wish."

"Good, and it is." I exhaled. "That's the plan then. Avoid him for at least a year or two. Until I can get myself settled down, get my brain into better shape. We'll still have plenty of time to hunt him down before the third game kicks off."

At her quiet noise, I made one of my own. Completing a decision I'd been gnawing on for a while. "Soon as I'm at Hawke's place, we'll trade. You get my memories of game three, I get the details of your plans and just how I fit into them."

"...you are certain?'

"Not really." I said quietly. "But I'm running out of both time and options, and I really need more opinions on what's coming. Do you accept the deal? You didn't want me to know your plans, like I didn't want to give up all of my knowledge of this world to you."

A not-real breath fluffed my hair a bit. "I do not, but I fear that I need that information more than ever as well. Are you certain you cannot share the information with me now, however?"

"I want you well motivated to protect me." I replied.

Another breath, almost a snort. "I am that regardless, Maeve."

"Well now you're extra motivated." I told her. "You want the knowledge or not?"

"Yes, yes." She almost nuzzled my scalp, "I accept your deal, and the restriction upon its timing."

Good. I needed her opinions on what to do about Solas and his own insane plans, just like I needed to know just what she wanted me with. Just why she'd been so supportive, protective, and generally helpful.

It would also spread out the mental impacts of the crap I'd have to deal with. Once we were back at Hawke's place, I'd get that information, and Longing and I would relay the truth of my origins to Merrill. After that we'd still have half a year, probably, before Longing was due to give me her theory on my mysterious power-ups. On the blocker in my soul that stopped me from telling anyone where I was from.

Enough time to get myself back into a healthy mental place, surrounded by my friends, companions, and, hopefully, Merrill.

Longing let out a petulant noise, finally releasing me. Mostly so that her tail could swat my ass hard enough to make me jump. "Enough of that, Maeve. You know that Merrill will be more fascinated than upset at the truth of your origins."

"You sure about that?" I stalked away, pacing a little. "I mean, the fact that I probably couldn't have ever told her the truth might take the sting out of it, but I still lied to her for years, Longing. Still manipulated her when we first met. Still knew half her life's story before we met."

The spirit matched my pacing, rolling her eyes as she did. "Do many mortals not know such stories before they truly meet one another?"

I mean, I supposed, but those people were ones like Varric, or Hawke. Celebrities, more or less. The kind of people who got used to people assuming they knew them personally.

"Further," Longing went on, "I can assure you that the woman's desires run deep. Any pain she feels will be balanced against what she believes she owes you. For the support and aid you gave her regarding the Eluvian, against her longing to feel her skin on yours."

Heat rose to my cheeks. "Longing!"

A scoff. "I am not telling you anything you do not already know. Nor anything that you do not desire yourself."

That was truer than it had been just a couple of days ago. Well, I mean, I'd been growing progressively weaker to that kind of desire ever since my arrival, but it had really started to get out of control after I'd kissed Merrll for the first time.

Longing gave me a flat look, then I had a sudden mental image of the time Hawke had tricked me into walking in on her while she'd been in the bath. Standing up in the bath, actually, giving me a full view of the water running down her body.

"Oy!" I squawked.

Her chuckle was low and amused, "Just reminding you of when you actually began to accept that you weren't going to make it through your stay in Thedas celibate. Did you not admit that you'd have begun stripping had she stayed upright for a few seconds longer?"

"Yes." I turned away, pacing in a new direction, desperately trying to banish the picture from my brain. "I don't need you reminding me of that right now. There's too much-"

"You," She abruptly appeared in front of me, making me jerk to a halt. "Are a bundle of competing emotions held together with string and hope. A situation that is getting worse instead of better."

I scowled at the annoyingly tall spirit. "You want to tell me something else I already know?"

Longing gave me a flat look. "That you need something to soothe your soul, or you are going to fall apart, Maeve. More than you already have, that is. I know you did not wish for it to happen before I told her the truth, but that time has passed."

"Are you seriously trying to give me the 'have sex or die' speech?" I demanded.

"No. I'm telling you that you need something, and she is both nearby and willing." Longing countered. "If not sex, then you need to spend a morning returning to your earlier hobbies. Craft something of note, or aid in repairing buildings or gear. Do something that you know will calm you, will fulfill your desires."

That... wasn't bad advice. Even considering the source.

"You need it." She insisted more gently. "You fell apart once already, Maeve. I felt it when it happened. We both know that was merely the prelude if you cannot balance your own needs against the demands being made upon you."

My hands rose, rubbing tiredly at my face. As always, the most annoying thing about her was that she wasn't wrong.

I had already fallen to pieces once, in Merrill's arms. I'd managed to keep my control until we'd been alone, had been able to collect myself with her help. But if more shit kept going wrong, if more responsibilities kept getting piled onto me... my next break down might not be as private. It would also be the kind of thing that would absolutely tank everyone's morale.

I was, after all, now Meredith's chosen. I was tiny, and bitchy, and demanding, and the Alienage and Templars alike had bought into that image of me. Believed that I fully knew what I was doing, that Andraste herself was guiding me to some kind of special destiny.

Sure, my friends knew better, and thank God that they did... but to everyone else, I'd become a symbol rather than a person. A good one, to those people who agreed with my aims. A lurking villain to those that didn't.

"All right, you have a point." I muttered, letting my hands drop to my hips. "I'll set aside time in the morning to work on something. To at least get breakfast into me without anyone banging down my door to tell me it has to be a working meal. I'll make it clear I'm not to be disturbed unless there's a full blown attack underway."

Longing regarded me for several moments, probably gauging my emotions to make sure that I was being honest with her.

"Good." She said finally. "Thank you, Maeve. You need to take better care of yourself."

I sighed, "I'm trying. Speaking of taking care of myself, since I'm here, we should see how bad the upgrade was this time. Full check on how deep my mana is, and how the hell I pulled off that light spell without blinding myself."

She nodded, and the pair of us got to work on my soul.

All right, that made it sound a lot more grandiose than it was. We ran through all of my spells, Longing doing some kind of check against how they felt in the Fade. That gave her a pretty rough idea of how much of my mana they were using up, which she compared to how much they'd used to

I cycled through my flamethrower, my telekinetic strike, my barriers, my noise-maker, the silence bubble, and finally my light spell in order.

And each and every one of them felt, well, cleaner than they had a few days ago. It was easier to keep the numerous bits of the spells together, easier to make them work in harmony. To make each part of the flamethrower build on the last, making it more efficient mana-wise, and far hotter temperature wise.

At the end she confirmed what I'd suspected; my mana had roughly doubled yet again. Her best guess had me now with as deep of reserves as Merrill had, which meant I was right near where a Mage my age should have been. Maybe on the weaker side, since Merrill had lost some of her mana in exchange for learning blood magic. I supposed that was good, compared to the utterly pathetic amount I'd had when I'd first arrived, but the fact that I had no idea how it had happened threatened to destroy my mood yet again.

Longing was there to make sure that didn't happen. She hustled me along into trying to match my light and noise spells together, not letting me dwell for too long. And, when I nearly did anyway, she started getting handsy to really distract me.

Between batting her hands away from my chest, and her tail away from my groin, I didn't get in nearly as much practice as I probably needed. I was, however, sufficiently distracted to not slip into yet another depressive funk.

I was in the middle of telling her off for smacking my ass, again, when heavy knocking in the real world dragged me there.

My tired groan was mostly swallowed by tanned skin, making me realize I'd rolled over at some point during the night. Not that my companions had seemed to mind; Merrill was tight up against my back, and Isabella was somehow managing to hold onto both of us.

Sadly my other prediction had come true; I was a mess of sweat, and yet...

...I was extremely aware of Isabella's breasts on mine. Of Merrill's on my back. One how soft and utterly wonderful it felt to be held by them. To be trapped between the two people I honestly cared the most about in this fucked up world. The Elf who I called my heart, and the pirate who always came back for us.

The pirate in question tilted her head enough to shout at the trap-door. "What bell is it?"

"Sixth!" Came Anders' muffled shout. "They want her for a meeting at seven!"

I freed my face enough to call. "I'm done attending all of the Goddamned meetings! Unless someone is attacking the city, I don't want to hear a fucking word until nine!"

A startled pause preceded his suddenly jovial tones, "Can I tell Cullen that?"

"Yes!" I replied. "Now fuck off, Anders!"

"Can't!" He shouted back, still sounding merry. "Isabella's first mate is here too. Says the crew wants proof she's still alive!"

Isabella let out a long, furious groan. Evidently that was crisis enough, or some kind of new code, because she started to get up after that. Her quiet swearing made it clear she wasn't happy about it, especially when Merrill and I both let out noises of protest at the loss of her warmth. I tried to pull her back, only for her to gently fend me off. Too-hot suddenly became too-cold, our bony frames huddling together for more warmth.

"Come back." I demanded tiredly. "Now."

"Can't." She sighed, "The Captain has to be seen from time to time. You know that."

I did, but that didn't make me any happier. In fact it made me upset enough that my mouth went off without much input from my brain. "Isabella... I'm... come back. Please. We'll both kiss you. Won't we?"

Merrill squeaked somewhere behind me, while Isabella merely looked amused. She was also looking in slightly the wrong direction, thanks to the limited light coming down through the cracks in the trap door, but it was the thought that counted.

"You can tease me with that another time, sweet thing." She said, already grabbing the rope ladder. I pouted in the dark, watching as she rapidly scaled up it, then flinched when it opened on too much light.

Merrill and I both groaned again, rolling over nearly in unison, leaving me trying to be the big spoon. Thankfully Isabella closed the door quickly, plunging us back into a comfortable darkness.

Ma vhenan waited for a few moments before huffing in my arms. "Maeve. Did you really have to say that?"

"Mmhmm." I hummed, nuzzling the soft hairs on the back of her neck. Feeling the hand I had draped over her belly starting to wander up and down.

She seemed to go still when wandering fingers trailed up enough to touch the bottoms of her breasts, then slid down to draw very near to her hips. When she spoke again her voice was quieter, almost breathy. "Maeve... I thought... you didn't want to. Um, not until you could tell me."

"Shouldn't." I murmured, not stopping. "Really shouldn't... but I'm... I'm so tired Merrill. Tired of all this shit. I'm sick of being responsible, and in charge, and dealing with life and death crap from dawn to midnight. I... I need something for me. Just for me."

I could feel her heart picking up speed. Feel her hips shift, her tight little butt rubbing against me. "Oh. Um... oh. You... you were serious? With Isabella?"

I hummed, kissing her neck. "Um, kind of... yeah, I guess I was. Um, I'm sorry, should have asked you first. Probably, um, want our first time to be just us. But..."

She giggled, ass wiggling a little more, "It's all right, ma vhenan You've always loved Isabella too. I've always known that."

A bit of a blush rose at how confidently she said that, at how understanding she sounded. Swallowing, I pulled her a little tighter against me, "No more Isabella. I... I want you Merrill. Ma vhenan. May I have you this morning?"

Her breathing was still quick. I could still feel her heart pounding. "Yes."

I think she tried to roll over, only for me to hold her in place. A little whine became a gasp when I got my left arm under her neck, that hand grasping at the wonderful softness on her chest. When my right plunged downwards, shoving impatiently at the pants hiding what I wanted to be touching.

There wasn't any more talking. Just quiet gasps, soft moans, and quiet giggles.

And for a glorious hour, there was nothing else in the world.

No Qunari. No Mages. No Templars.

No battles. No crises. No responsibilities.

No blood. No pain. No death.

Just two people reminding one another that we were alive.

That we were loved.