Every Little Thing

by wolvesjr34

Sequel to What if It's You. Jane and Maura face major hurdles in chasing their happily ever after. An attack on Missy six months ago has widespread ramifications as she falls apart and Jane swoops in to play saviour. But at what cost? It's a soap, characters have evolved since the prequel and are going to be OOC by the sheer nature of it being a SOAP.

31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty One

"...and then my head fell off and I sewed it back on with dental floss."

Jane's eyes snapped away from the mirror. She had been staring at her own reflection, buried in her thoughts. She looked over at Melissa who was holding out a tube of toothpaste. Jane blinked a couple of times. She couldn't even remember walking into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She took the tube and squeezed some paste onto her brush before turning her focus back to Melissa who sipped some water and spat into the sink, before reaching for the Listerine.

"I'm sorry Sweetheart, I completely spaced."

Melissa held up one finger indicating she needed a moment, despite the fact her gargling the mouthwash was all the indicator Jane needed. Once she had spat and rinsed her mouth out Melissa answered, "I could tell. Are you still worried about Maura's reaction?"

Jane shook her head. Maura needing time was understandable. It sucked, but her concern wasn't so much with the state of their friendship, she had every faith in time they could repair it. They simply meant too much to one another to not try, it was a more general concern. "I'm just worried about her in general. Gabby's unstable right now and Maura's going to need someone."

There was a flicker of concern in Melissa's eyes that immediately raised hairs on the back of Jane's neck. She remembered that Maura had asked if Melissa said something, when she hadn't. What had those two talked about? When had those two talked? "What aren't you telling me?"

"I can't really say." Melissa half mumbled as she slid past Jane out of the bathroom; clear avoidance behaviour.

Jane hurriedly finished brushing her teeth and followed after her girlfriend, who she caught up with in the bedroom. "What do you mean you can't really say?"

Melissa let out what amounted to a heavy, reluctant sigh. "Look, at the service this morning I saw Maura slip out and she didn't look great."

Jane's eyes lit up with recognition. "Is that where you disappeared to when you told me you'd be right back?"

Melissa nodded. "I was worried because I knew Gabby wasn't going to show. We talked briefly and I gave her my word that I would keep her confidence."

Jane felt her concern grow, but she sat down on the edge of the bed facing the door with a heavy heart and a reluctant acceptance that while she could undoubtedly get Melissa to break that confidence, she shouldn't. Doing so would only damage any relationship, no matter how minimal, her girlfriend shared with her dearest friend. "This sucks," she ground out through her teeth. "Just promise me you won't keep anything from me that I should know."

Jane felt the bed behind her dip and then hands started gently working the muscles in her neck and shoulders. Jane couldn't help the slight moan that escaped her lips, the tension had been building all day and it was a welcome relief.

"I'd never keep anything from you I thought you absolutely needed to know, Jane." Melissa confirmed quietly next to Jane's ear as she worked on a particularly tense knot in Jane's shoulder.

"How's she doing?" Jane asked, suspecting that as ridiculous as it felt, that Melissa probably had a better idea than she did. Her girlfriend was incredibly empathetic and her kindness knew no bounds and she'd clearly worked enough magic that Maura had opened up a little. Undoubtedly it was everything Jane wished she knew, but she'd settle for whatever insight her girlfriend decided to share.

"Not well, but I think there's some light at the end of the tunnel. She will be okay, Jane."

"I just wish I could do more, you know?" Jane grimaced a little and flinched when Melissa found a particularly sore spot. "I'm alright, keep going," she implored when her girlfriend briefly paused the massage.

Melissa went straight back to kneading the sore spot and said, "You've made the most important step. She can now focus on beginning to mend her heart, just respect the process. Give her some time."

Jane nodded before flinching again and muttering, "Ouch, okay, enough for tonight I think."

Melissa kissed the side of her head and said, "No pain, no gain."

Jane ignored the playful teasing, turned her body and gently tackled Melissa down onto the bed. She straddled her girlfriend's hips and pinned Melissa's hands above her head before leaning down for a kiss. She had every intention of seeing if she could collect on Melissa's earlier promise of 'later', but Melissa's phone started ringing.

"Jane, I need to get that. It could be important." Melissa squirmed a little, breaking one hand free and attempting to reach over to her phone on the bedside table. "I told Gabby to call anytime."

Jane huffed and relented, freeing Melissa, allowing her to reach her phone. It would be just her luck if twice in one night her chance at getting laid was foiled by first her ex lover, and then her girlfriend's ex lover.

Jane watched as the cheeky smile that Melissa threw her way when she answered the phone, quickly fell. The mirthful, "Hello, Melissa speaking," was followed by a persistent shaking of the head and the repeated almost silent utterance of, "No, no, no, this is not happening."

Jane could only make out the words falling from Melissa's mouth because she was paying close attention. Jane shifted closer and her girlfriend grabbed her by the hand, squeezing tightly as the caller continued speaking. Jane couldn't make out what was being said on the other end of the phone but her gut just kept sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of dread as the blood drained from Melissa's face.

"Is she going to be okay?" Melissa asked, her grip tightening to the point Jane's bones hurt. "Her blood type is A positive, oh right, yeah, no, no new allergies. Okay, okay."

It didn't take long for Jane to realise this call had to be about Gabby. It sounded like she was in the hospital and quite frankly it was impressive the level with which Melissa was keeping it together verbally, because her face and her grip was telling Jane a very different story. Melissa was not okay. Whatever was happening, was not okay.

"She's headed into surgery now?" Melissa asked, finally moving again. She moved from the bed and started changing out of her pyjamas, even while she kept talking on the phone. It was an impressive juggling act, and then Melissa was motioning at Jane to get moving.

Jane realised she had fallen into spectator mode and quickly followed her girlfriend's lead as she changed into clothes and grabbed Melissa's shoes, placing them at her feet. She put her own shoes on and headed out into the living room where she had dumped the contents of her pockets after walking with Maura. Jane grabbed her keys, badge, phone and wallet. She heard Melissa's voice waver as she asked for more information on what had happened and then the call was over.

Jane felt Melissa's movement behind her and turned around to be engulfed completely by Melissa, whose arms wrapped tightly around her. There had been a clear driven urgency to her actions and questions while Melissa had been on the phone, but Jane realised that may have just been her brain on automatic pilot gathering all the pertinent information. Now that her girlfriend had it, she seemed as fragile as a glass teetering on the edge of a table. She sounded it too. Melissa's chest was heaving under the weight of her sobs and it was all Jane could do to rub her hands up and down her back until she calmed down.

"I've got you," Jane murmured, pressing several kisses against Melissa's hairline. "Let's just take this one step at a time okay?" Jane felt Melissa nod against her chest and let out a sigh of relief because for a moment she worried that this news, which she was still only half sure of, was going to lead to a terrible spiral. Gabby had been a part of Melissa's life for a Hell of a long time and if she was in surgery and it was serious, which she didn't need to be a detective to understand to be the case, then this was a big concern.

Melissa drew back to arms length, tears shimmering in her eyes as she tremulously stated, "Somebody stabbed her, Jane."

And just like that Jane's entire world slowed down dramatically even while her brain attempted to whir into overdrive. With the spectre of a psychopath who happened to enjoy getting stabby hanging over them, she was going to overload very quickly. Had Gabby had a run in with this asshole? Was he making good on his promise to punish Melissa for going to the cops? Is that what was happening right now? Was she failing at protecting those she loved this badly?

Melissa's hand gently stroking her cheek drew Jane back into real time and everything sped up again as she looked at her girlfriend wide eyed. "She's in surgery though right? She's going to be okay." Jane had hoped to sound convincing. She hoped to sound sure of herself, but she knew that she had come off sounding terrified that Gabby wouldn't be okay.

"I don't know," Melissa admitted quietly, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand. "We just, we have to go. I have to be there."

"I know." The desperation in Melissa's eyes wasn't lost on Jane. Gabby mattered a great deal to Melissa and the end to their romantic relationship couldn't change that, heck even Gabby walking away from Melissa completely couldn't change that. Gabby was an essential part of who her girlfriend was and is, as essential as needing air to breathe. There was zero underestimating of the impact Gabby's potential death had in this situation. It fucking terrified Jane.

"Let's go," Jane said as she took Melissa by the hand. The pair quickly made their way out of the house, locking the door behind them and engaging the security system.

The house was half a block from the hospital, but before they even made it to the street Melissa stopped in her tracks, causing Jane to stop and turn when the tension nearly pulled their hands apart. Melissa spoke with an unexpected firmness, "We need to tell Maura."

"It's that serious?" Jane felt stupid asking, because being stabbed sounded pretty damn serious. She had just spent many moments ruminating on how serious it was and yet the moment Maura was brought into it Jane couldn't help but spit out the first stupid thing that came to mind. The end of her relationship with Maura had left scars that were flaring up painfully. Her timing couldn't have been worse as far as that particular sensitivity went, because she found herself staring into determined blue eyes.

"She's lost a lot of blood. Call her."

Jane nodded having emerged from her temporary bout of stupid and tried calling Maura. She was sent straight to voicemail. "Gah," Jane growled in frustration, "Of course this happens tonight. She's not going to answer my calls, Missy. I'm gonna have to go up there."

Melissa nodded, her body already moving forward again towards the street, her stride as determined as her eyes had been moments before. "I'll meet you at the hospital."

Jane didn't want to leave Melissa's side, not after what happened the last time she didn't think Gabby was going to make it. She also absolutely knew she had to inform Maura of what was happening. Gabby, as infuriating as she could be, was Maura's support person. Practically her only support person right now, she couldn't not tell her. She couldn't delay telling her either. Fuck.

Jane quickly chased after Melissa and grabbed her hand and tugged to get her attention. She then grabbed a hold of Melissa's shoulders and looked her in the eyes, "I don't wanna leave you."

"If you don't go up there and do your damndest to inform Maura of what's happening, I won't forgive you Jane Rizzoli."

Melissa wasn't messing around. In a less stressful situation Jane may have thought to admire the big heart her girlfriend had, thinking of others while her own heart was breaking. Instead Jane just shook her head and tried to wish away the tears that she felt pricking the corner of her eyes. She couldn't shake the memory of Melissa collapsing to the ground after she pulled the trigger. If it weren't for the safety, Jane may never have gotten to know her. That was an existence Jane didn't want to think about, just as she didn't want to think about a future without Melissa in it, but she was, she couldn't help but do so.

Melissa gently pushed some of Jane's wild hair back behind her ear and softened her eyes, "Yes this is scary, yes she is important to me and yes I know exactly what you're worrying about, but please trust me Jane. I'm not just going to go off the deep end because you leave me alone for ten minutes. Just go, get Maura. Please."

Jane nodded and kissed Melissa's forehead tenderly, lingering for all too long, finding it difficult to break away despite knowing that she had to. She had to do this not just because Melissa was asking it of her, but because Maura deserved to know what was happening. "Call me if you need me. I love you."

"I love you too." Melissa said before quickly checking the road and running off, giving Jane no choice but to do as she was asked.

Jane quickly got into her car and drove up Howick Street, turning the corner onto High Street and following the road until she could do a u-bolt back down the other side. A minute later she was pulling up outside of the house that had until recently been her home for the last two and a half years. This wasn't how she imagined coming back here.

Jane mentally braced herself before knocking. She had given many death notifications before that bothered her less than this moment right here, and she felt every single one of those down to her core. Gabby was still alive as far as she knew, serious and in surgery was definitely better news to give than a death notice, but the underlying current of dread she felt in the pit of her stomach was hard to shake. Maura was already in an emotionally vulnerable state, how was she going to take this?

The door opened and Maura stood there, still dressed, with a glass of wine in her hand. Jane watched as Maura gave her a once over and tried very hard to keep her own features neutral, but was fairly certain she looked nothing more than grim.

Maura visibly blanched, Jane could tell she was worried by her presence, especially once she saw her friend gulp down the last of the wine and set the glass down on the table just inside the foyer.

Jane locked eyes with her ex-fiancée and cut right to the chase, "Gabby's in emergency surgery, it's serious."

Maura stood there for a second, staring in a disbelieving manner before bracing herself against the doorframe. Jane wanted to reach out and support her, but didn't know if it would be welcomed or not. As a result her hands moved forward a little, but stopped and dropped back by her side. "I'll drive you to the hospital."

Maura disappeared for a moment, then returned, nodding her head. She stepped into the front entranceway with Jane and closed the front door. "Thank you," she said tremulously, tears already beginning to pool in her eyes.

It wasn't a very long drive, it took three minutes tops to turn back onto Howick Street, drive down and hang a right at the roundabout onto Charles Street where she then turned into the hospital car park not long after. It was a long silent three minutes though, where Maura simply stared out the passenger window and Jane felt an emptiness gnaw at her insides. She wasn't the comfort Maura needed. In fact she felt like her presence was only making things worse, but what could she do? She had to be there for this, because if the news wasn't good, Maura wouldn't be the only one to be an absolute wreck.

Thankfully Maura had an understanding of where they actually had to go, because Jane was a little lost. She followed her ex-fiancée through the hospital until they made it to the surgical waiting area. At which point Maura immediately marched over to Melissa and the pair huddled together, presumably asking questions and sharing whatever answers were available. Jane simply hung back, her hands jammed into her jeans. If she ever wanted confirmation that her girlfriend was more useful to Maura than she was, she now had it. What a strange world she was living in.

Jane watched as Melissa placed a comforting arm around Maura and led her to some chairs across the room. Content that the two most important women in her life had their mutual support sorted, Jane took a moment to step out and make a phone call. They weren't the only people that gave a damn about Gabby. After making a note of precisely where she was, Jane found her way outside and pulled her mobile phone out of her pocket. She quickly called Alec.

"Hey, where are you right now?" She asked when he answered.

"On my way to a call in St Leonards. Why, what's happening?"

"You might want to pull over."

"Yeah, hang on a sec, just pulling over at the scene now." She heard the sound of his turn signal and then he said, "I thought Gabs was on leave?"

"What do you mean?" Jane asked warily.

"Just pulled up behind her vehicle."

Well that answered one question Jane had. "Where abouts in St Leonards?"

"Outside the pub. So what's going on?"

Fuck. Jane's stomach dropped, she was more than aware that the pub was the primary social spot for the Van Diemen's Riders. She'd learned it while getting some light background on all the players at the periphery of the broader investigation. Was she the reason Gabby had managed to go and get herself into a fuck tonne of trouble? Did she err in passing along the old leads from the 2005 murder? "Um, yeah, so, Gabby's not there. She's in emergency surgery right now."

"What?"

Alec sounded disbelieving, and she couldn't blame him. There were so many pieces to the puzzle that needed sorting out. "Apparently she was stabbed, it's serious. You should probably get down here after you're done with the scene you're on."

"Fuck that, I'll call Davies. He can attend this scene. I need to be there."

"Morris," Jane said firmly, "I think she was following up a lead to do with Rachael's death. Whatever you find out there might be important. You should stay. I'll call you if there's any news."

"You told her about the Bertans' involvement?"

He sounded slightly pissed, and Jane didn't need to hear it. She felt it in her gut. She had misjudged the situation and now Gabby was in a very bad way. "I didn't think there was anything she could do with it unless she wanted to go looking in New South Wales for Bertie!""

"Rizzoli," Alec muttered, "Bertie moved back to take over the gang a couple of months back. He's been quiet, out of sight, out of trouble. Drugs unit knew of course, but those bastards are fuckin' slack with their paperwork. Known addresses were only updated with that information yesterday."

Jane started chewing on her thumbnail, she'd checked in to Todd Bertans last week. His last known address was in Wollongong, New South Wales. She absolutely wanted to speak to him, but could only put a call into the New South Wales Police, who were unable to locate him. She let out a frustrated sigh, "Fuck, Alec. I looked earlier this week, there was nothing. I thought it was a safe lead I could give her to feel useful."

There was silence on the line for a moment, then the sound of Alec barking orders at someone, before he returned his focus to her. "I had an alert set up. That's the only reason I knew. I was going to tell you when I saw you tomorrow afternoon. You couldn't have known, but Jane this is exactly what I've been worried about. She was on a suicide mission. She was never walking out of this building in one piece."

Jane leaned back against the hospital outer wall and rubbed her temple with one hand, while continuing to hold the phone to her ear with the other. "It's my fault," she uttered, her mind just going around and around in circles because of it. If Gabby didn't survive, she wasn't sure Melissa or Maura would ever forgive her and she felt as if someone had come along and thrust a knife into her stomach and twisted it repeatedly. "They're never going to want to look at me again if she dies."

"Jesus Christ," Alec said under his breath, not bringing Jane any comfort at all.

"What is it?"

"There's just so much blood. Someone was definitely hurt next to the dumpster. There's a trail of blood leading to the corner here." Jane could hear his footsteps as he presumably followed the trail. "Another pool of blood. I have no idea how she's alive at all if this is her blood, Rizzoli. No ambulance was called. I'm here for a dead bikie. He took what looks to be a 9 millimetre to the head. No one's talking. If they know what happened here, they're looking for their own private payback, or they're scared."

"Let me guess, Bertie is nowhere to be found?"

"No sign of him. You're right though, I have to stay here. Just keep me updated and don't worry, they won't hate you. You couldn't have known. Besides, If she made it onto the table, she's got a fighting chance. Hold onto that, Rizzoli. I sure as Hell am."

"Yeah, thanks Morris. Keep me updated if you learn anything useful."

The call ended and Jane took a moment to try and clear her head. It was going to be a very long night and the last thing she needed was to let herself spiral out of control because of the guilt she felt. There were two women in that waiting room that needed her and that meant she had to be mentally present, putting their needs first. Though there was one big question bouncing around in her brain. If no ambulance was called, how the Hell did Gabby end up in emergency surgery in the first place?

After a minute to contemplate her next actions, Jane shook off the need to investigate and instead focused on the very real need to comfort. She could ask questions once she was absolutely sure that both Maura and Melissa were as okay as could be under the current circumstances. She quickly made her way back to the surgical waiting area and the moment she walked back through the doors Melissa's eyes met hers.

Jane watched Melissa gently get Maura's attention and say something, which Jane interpreted as a quick 'be right back' when she watched her girlfriend stand and head in her direction. Jane waited for her to approach to allow them some relative privacy on this side of the room. She opened her arms and wrapped them tightly around her girlfriend when she walked right into them. "I was just talking to Alec, I thought he should know what was happening."

"Is he on his way? There's a few off duty officers already here. News is spreading fast."

It always did, especially in the smaller communities. Jane paid closer attention to the room and recognised the people that Melissa was talking about. There was one uniformed officer and a couple of folks in their regular clothes, milled around the opposite side of the waiting room to where Maura sat. Gabby was pretty well respected by her colleagues so it was no surprise to see them already piling in waiting anxiously for news.

Jane pulled out to arms length and searched Melissa's face for any telltale signs that would concern her, but apart from looking pretty worried she didn't look like the world was ending. "He's working a scene at the moment, but he'll be here as soon as he can. Any updates?"

"Something about her hepatic artery being damaged, they're working to repair it, but because of the blood loss it's very touch and go."

Jane winced a little just thinking about it and then pulled Melissa back into her arms again because of a sudden overwhelming need surging within to hold her close. She pressed a gentle kiss to Melissa's hairline and said, "She's a fighter, she'll pull through."

"I hope so," Melissa murmured quietly.

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm just trying to focus on the fact it's not over yet. I have to keep reminding myself not to assume the worst, but it's hard Jane. This will hurt."

That was something Jane had zero doubts about and was perhaps part of the driving force behind her desire to hold Melissa so tightly. Could this be the final straw? If Gabby dies, does Melissa's sanity go right along with it? Was she about to lose Melissa to her demons after they finally got their shit together? Not if she had any say in the matter. "She will be fine. If she isn't, you won't be alone."

"I'm more worried about Maura, than myself, Jane." Melissa said quietly.

Jane's eyes flicked in Maura's direction and she took a moment to assess the situation. Maura's hands were sitting on her lap and her eyes looked to be fixated on the clock above the door that led into the surgery wing. Her best friend epitomised external stoicism. It was her nature in difficult situations. "How's she doing?"

"She's scared. She's been focusing on the medicine, trying to calm herself down, but it's not good Jane. You should sit with her for a bit, let her know she's not alone." Melissa said softly as she pulled away from the hug and turned to look in Maura's direction.

Jane felt thankful that Maura's struggles were at least distracting and fortifying Melissa who had clearly initiated her own caretaker mode. However, she hated the impact of the timing on Maura. She wasn't so insensitive as to not understand that Maura needed Gabby right now. To be facing a genuine possibility of losing her, well Jane felt sick to her stomach about it. Despite deep apprehension regarding being able to provide Maura any comfort, Jane nodded once in agreement at Melissa's suggestion and quietly navigated her way across the room. She sat down beside Maura and placed a hand on her shoulder briefly just so that her ex-fiancée knew she was there.

Jane kept her eyes forward, only averting her gaze when Melissa sat down the other side of her. She reached out and took her girlfriend's hand, holding it while they settled in to wait for news. After offering what she hoped was a comforting smile, Jane went right back to staring at the same doors as Maura, while leaving her free hand sitting open on the arm rest between them. After a few minutes Jane felt Maura take her hand and while she didn't dare risk taking a look at her ex-fiancée, she felt a lot better. It might take time, but there was definitely a path forward for their friendship. As long as Gabby played her part and came through the surgery alive and well. The alternative was not a future Jane wanted to envision at all.

For the next hour Jane sat there, hand in hand with both the women in her life, staring at the doors simply waiting for an update. Several more off duty cops and even a couple of on duty cops had filtered in or stopped by in solidarity with their fallen comrade, but any of them who even thought of looking her way quickly recognised it might be best to talk with their colleagues milling around on the other side of the room. Jane's palms were pretty sweaty, but she held on until Alec arrived and busted through the other doors, drawing her attention solely to him.

Jane leaned close to Maura's ear and quietly said, "I need to talk to Alec." Maura immediately let go of her hand but didn't make any further acknowledgement. Jane then repeated the same with Melissa who let go but also stood and accompanied Jane to where Alec stood just inside the room. Jane didn't have the heart to tell her to stay behind, in fact she wiped her hands down and immediately sought out Melissa's hand once more as they huddled in the corner with Alec.

"Any update?" He asked, searching both of their faces for answers.

"No, which I'm choosing to take as good news." Jane said, "Were you able to piece anything together from the scene?"

Alec's eyes shifted from Jane to Melissa and back to Jane. "We should walk. Missy, do you mind?"

"I know the drill," Melissa said softly, "You two go do your detective thing. I'll be over there with Maura."

Jane leaned over and kissed Melissa on the cheek and said, "I'll try not to be too long."

"Do what's necessary, we'll be here." Melissa said, her eyes drifting towards Maura. "I think we could both do with some answers, whichever way this goes."

Jane nodded and waited for Melissa to walk back over to Maura and sit down before turning to face Alec again and motioning for him to lead the way. She followed him out of the waiting area and the pair quickly found their way out of the side entrance into the cool night air.

"It was as I said, nobody wanted to talk beyond the basics we could already determine from the scene. Skid marks in the parking lot backed up claims of squealing tires and then a gunshot, but nobody claimed to have seen the incident or to have even ventured outside afterwards."

"Can't say I blame them. How often are shots fired in this city?" While the question itself was a reasonable observation, she knew that when shots were fired, it was usually this crew responsible.

"Whoever pulled the trigger on the victim had to have been the one to drop Gabby off here, otherwise I have no idea how she made it here alive." Alec mused.

Jane had to agree, afterall she had been wondering a similar thing. Who had been the one to drop her off? "So who reported the shooting in the first place?"

"Someone called triple zero, but I don't think it was anyone in that pub."

"So do you think the vic was the one that attacked Gabby or was it simply a case of wrong place wrong time for that guy?"

"The victim had discoloured knuckles, so it is possible. Hopefully forensics will tell us more. I'm thinking yeah."

"So what? Someone shows up see's what's happening, puts a bullet into his head and then grabs Gabby and drops her off here? None of this adds up."

"Agreed. I want to go and speak with admissions in A&E, see what they can tell me. You want to come with me?" Alec asked.

"Just try and stop me," Jane answered, matching him stride for stride as they headed around the front of the building towards the Accident and Emergency entrance.

Jane let Alec take the lead because he was the detective on record for the case in the books and because he clearly knew one of the administrators well. After some subtle flirting between Alec and a petite brunette, he and Jane were buzzed through the doors and led to the break room.

"Penny, this is Detective Rizzoli, she's helping me on this one. Rizzoli, Penny was here when Detective Wilson was brought in." Alec made introductions, taking the time to pull a chair out from the table for Penny to sit down on, before taking a seat next to Jane.

Jane smiled at Penny and said, "It's nice to meet you. Though I wish it were under better circumstances."

"Likewise detective."

"Tell Detective Rizzoli what you told me," encouraged Alec.

"There was a lot of blood soaked into the detective's clothes when she was brought in. I honestly thought she was already dead, but I buzzed them straight through. After they rushed her into surgery one of the nurses told me that if it weren't for the use of hemostatic wound dressings she would have been wheeled to the morgue."

Jane's brows furrowed for a minute until a memory triggered in her brain from the emergency field medicine course she had done back in Boston. "That's the quick clotting stuff right?"

"Yep that's the stuff. Unfortunately I couldn't find the woman who brought her in to ask follow up questions. She just left." Penny explained.

Jane and Alec shared a look before he asked, "Did you get a name at all?"

"She was just very regimented, calling out the injuries and the name of the detective, which was really helpful. She hurriedly signed some paperwork, I can check for the name."

"Please do that and is there any chance we can take a peek at the security footage for the waiting room?" Alec asked.

"I'll have to clear it with my supervisor. Give me a few to track him down." Penny said before getting up and leaving the room.

"So we're looking for a woman who is skilled enough to shoot a man in the head. Who also carries around emergency medical supplies. This couldn't have been some random event." Jane shook her head as she tried to piece together what they were learning. "This doesn't make any sense. Why not just do what you can, call an ambulance and leave if you don't wanna be caught?"

"Someone who knew Gabby by name and brought her to the hospital herself? I agree with you Rizzoli, this doesn't make any sense at all. I definitely want to see if the cameras caught her face. We need to know who this is."

"Maybe the mystery woman stabilised her and then checked Gabby's person for identification, you know, so she could give useful information to the staff here when she arrived. So she doesn't necessarily have to know Gabby by name at all." Jane countered.

"Well I've got her badge, it was left on the pool table at the pub. Her phone is sitting on the passenger seat of her vehicle. I'm willing to bet her identification wasn't on her, this whole thing doesn't sit right with me at all."

"We'll know soon enough once Gabby comes out of it, or heaven forbid, we have to go through her belongings." Jane felt like Alec was right, but what did it mean? Did Gabby know her saviour? Was it an off duty, or even an on duty cop? The whole thing smelled of someone who cared about Gabby, who was angry enough to end a man's life but had the awareness to provide emergency treatment and bring Gabby to the hospital herself, rather than waiting for an ambulance. But who? It sure wasn't Melissa or Maura. Was there someone else in Gabby's life they weren't aware of?

Penny returned and said, "Mike from security will take you guys through to the security office. As far as I can make out, the woman who dropped the detective off signed her name as Rebecca Thompson. Hope that helps."

"It all helps, thank you so much Penny." Alec said politely.

"No problem at all. I really should get back to work now though. Mike will be here shortly. Oh and Alec I'll text you next week about dinner."

After Penny left and they were waiting for Mike to rock up, Jane smirked a little. "Look at you using your movie star looks and talk show host charm to get that girl opening up to us."

Alec shrugged. "Sometimes you gotta take one for the team."

"Oh yeah." Jane said, nodding in an exaggerated manner, "Real tough one you're taking too."

Alec simply smirked. He didn't lose the smirk until they were both standing in the security room watching Mike cycle through the footage from the cameras in the emergency waiting room and the treatment area itself. The woman was dressed in a large hoodie and jeans, with a ball cap and gloves on. She also appeared to turn her head like she knew precisely where the cameras were. They never got a good look at her. It sank the moods of both detectives very quickly. They even cycled through the outside cameras, but any time they caught a glimpse of the hooded figure her head was turned.

"This is some bullshit," Jane ground out when they left the security office and were on their way back to the surgical waiting area.

"It's certainly not ideal, but hey maybe Gabs will remember something when she comes out of this."

"I sure hope so." Jane didn't share Alec's optimism. She wasn't used to this level of failure as an investigator. Between the Alexis case and now this, she was feeling a lot of doubt creeping in. What was she missing? Had she lost her touch? She never had this many issues solving crimes in Boston. Christ, she'd managed to capture Hoyt after all. But with people she loved depending on her to figure it all out, she felt like she was failing miserably.

The moment they crossed the threshold back into the surgical waiting room Jane's eyes fell on the spot she had left Melissa and when she couldn't immediately locate her Jane felt panic crawl along her spine. It was an overreaction, she knew that, much like she had overreacted a bit the night Alexis died, but it was hard to dampen her instincts when it came to Melissa.

Jane briskly crossed the room and coughed, drawing Maura's attention. "Where's Missy?"

Maura stared at her for what felt like an eternity, thinking God knows what, before finally answering, "Relax Jane, she simply went to the bathroom."

Jane forced a smile and mumbled her thanks before turning on her heel and making a beeline for the exit into the hall. She shook off how condescending Maura had sounded, reminding herself that her agitation was likely to cloud her judgement of practically everything right now. She told herself that Maura had probably assessed her demeanour and was simply trying to calm her down. Anything to stop from turning around and ripping into her because she was scared. Because she had been too busy playing detective instead of being right here with Melissa, where she ought to have been the entire time. It wasn't fair to take it out on Maura. She ducked into the main corridor and turned in the direction of the nearest bathroom, practically slamming into Melissa.

"Thank God, there you are." Jane said, her hands immediately reaching out and gripping Melissa by her shoulders so she could look into her eyes for a moment before pulling Melissa tightly against her chest. She pressed multiple kisses against the top of her head.

"Jane," Melissa sounded worried. "Jane," she repeated, pulling away from the fierce hug. "Come with me."

Jane let Melissa take her by the hand and followed as they made their way down one hallway, turned right into another and then stepped through glass doors into a peaceful outdoor courtyard that the hospital was quite literally built around. A paved path split into a T and went to three different entrances. There were several tables and chairs and a couple of stone benches without back support interspersed amongst the greenery. Jane joined Melissa on one of the stone benches and tried to figure out what was going through her girlfriend's head.

Apparently that was Melissa's primary concern as well, because she entwined their fingers and stared right back at her. "Jane, I think we should talk about the fear you're feeling right now."

Jane closed her eyes, mostly to hide her desire to roll them. Of course she was afraid. She had every reason to be afraid. Their lives were a literal fucking shitshow that even the writers of Days of Our Lives would baulk at filming. They'd have more consideration for their fictional characters than life was having for her and Melissa right now. If they were the canvas, and life was the artist, it was simply flinging everything at them to see what stuck. It was just so damn much and yet she didn't even know how to begin to address that. She always afforded Melissa a certain level of her vulnerability, but right now she felt so damn insecure it couldn't possibly be helpful.

"Jane," Melissa said, drawing her out of her thoughts, "Life is different now. I know that doesn't stop you from worrying at times like this. I know my suicide attempt has never sat well with you. I know you fear a repeat, but Jane, even after Chicago, I'm still here."

Jane opened her eyes and exhaled slowly. It was heavy, much like her heart, weighed down by every little thing. "I know," she acknowledged quietly, "It's just a lot. These past couple of weeks have brought about a whirlwind of change, all while a spectre of death hangs over our heads. I'm struggling to keep my head above water right now."

"I know." There was an all new level of softness in Melissa's eyes and Jane wondered if this was a reserve her girlfriend only ever tapped into when she was channelling her empathy superpowers.

"I've never felt as powerless as I do now."

Jane had no idea how Melissa had kept a straight face when she heard those words escape her lips. Because those words came from a woman who had been pinned to the ground by scalpels through her palms. They had come from a woman who had given up when Hoyt had leered over her one last time with a scalpel to her throat. Jane still felt like she had more agency in those moments than she did right now. Her inner fortitude was at an all time low and she didn't know which way was up. She was drowning under the weight of it all.

Melissa swung a leg over the bench so that she was straddling it, allowing her to face Jane front on. Jane followed her lead and mirrored the position, allowing her girlfriend to take both of her hands and hold them between their bodies. Melissa gently rubbed her palms, allowing Jane to release a small amount of the tension building in her body.

"Your love shines brightly through the dark. It always has. During my darkest hours, you've been there picking me up and carrying me on your back when I couldn't walk. It's strengthened me, Jane. You don't have to worry about the worst case scenario with me right now, because I know when I fall, you'll be there. You will catch me."

Jane believed her too. There was a look in Melissa's eyes and a steely determination on her face that told Jane no matter how much her girlfriend might be hurting, or may yet hurt, she had an inner strength she'd never had before. It allowed Jane to breathe easier. She breathed in several deep breaths and exhaled, nodding slowly with the understanding that she did that. She was a beacon in the dark, much like Melissa had been for her their entire time together. She needed that light more than ever right now.

Melissa recognised this. "You're not alone in this, Jane. You don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You don't have to fix everything yesterday. There is so much out of our control right now that you will drive yourself crazy trying to take it back. I just need you to be here with me. In it. Trust my love for you, Jane. Can you do that?"

Jane nodded. She had no words. She felt several tears carve out a path down her cheek, but she resisted the temptation to wipe them away. She wanted to stay here in this moment, feeling the connection between them grow stronger and shine brighter. She needed it like oxygen.

Melissa smiled warmly, leaned forward and whispered, "I'd like to kiss you right now, if you don't mind."

Jane managed a soft smile and closed the gap between them, her hands framing Melissa's face and pulling her ever so closer as they kissed slowly. A new level of tenderness was expressed by a beautiful synchronicity in their movement. Jane savoured the taste and sensation of Melissa's lips, their kiss gentle, graceful and lingering. When the kiss finally ceased Jane brought her forehead to rest against Melissa's. "I can do that."

Melissa pressed a kiss against Jane's forehead before pulling back so that they could make eye contact once more. "Thank you."

Once again Jane found herself stuck in spectator mode as she watched Melissa swing her legs to one side of the bench and stand up. She held her hand out toward Jane and waited. Jane took one extra moment to appreciate the woman standing in front of her before lifting her leg over, swivelling and standing up herself. She took the hand offered and they quietly made their way back to the waiting room.

Once there Jane noticed that Alec had sat down next to Maura and the two were talking. Maura seemed responsive, which was a darn sight better than she had been with her. Jane was grateful to see Alec taking the time to talk to Maura and just be there. She made a mental note to thank him later.

The time she spent getting to know Alec by working with him helped her understand why Gabby was so defensive of the guy. He was no nonsense, but he was genuinely kind and thoughtful. He lived by his personal moral code, he didn't just tout it in moments that suited him. He lived it twenty four seven. It was impressive. She still had questions she wanted him to answer, but she suspected in time once he was sure she met his standards, she would get them.

Jane sat down next to Melissa on the chairs nearby. Clearly her girlfriend had noticed that Alec and Maura were deep in conversation too. It was incredibly sweet how much thought Melissa had been putting into Maura during this difficult time. Of course Jane was sure that a small part of it was that it enabled Melissa to keep her mind focused elsewhere, but so much of it was simply Melissa's nature to consider other people. She never intentionally set out to hurt anyone and carried deep scars from those moments where she had.

To people who didn't know her well, or didn't want to know her well as in Maura's case, Melissa easily presented as a selfish, broken individual. Jane understood why her ex felt the way she did about Melissa, especially given all relevant circumstances. However, Maura had never taken the time to look past the surface to see this incredibly kind hearted woman who had dealt with tragedy at damned near every turn in life. As far as Jane was concerned it was a miracle Melissa was still kind and hadn't grown bitter. Jane hoped that this difficult time in her life and the absolute thoughtful kindness Melissa was showing toward her would thaw Maura's heart out a little when it came to her girlfriend. She wasn't expecting miracles or it to happen overnight, but she really hoped that there was a chance Maura could tolerate being in the same room as Melissa under normal circumstances a little more often.

Jane sighed quietly and turned her eyes to her girlfriend, she leaned close to her ear and at a low volume said, "Thank you for looking out for Maura."

"It's the least I could do, Jane." Melissa responded equally as quietly. "I imagine she would be feeling quite isolated right now, given everything. So, it just felt right."

Jane nodded, more than aware of Maura's current reality. She gently shook her head a little, her heart breaking thinking about how much worse it would be for her ex if Gabby didn't come through this surgery. "I really don't understand their friendship," Jane admitted, keeping her voice low to ensure they weren't overheard. "But it's there and damn vital right now."

Melissa's eyebrows shot up and her mouth formed a surprised shape before melting into a soft smile. Jane wasn't sure what she was missing and lifted one of her own eyebrows in encouragement for her girlfriend to explain herself. "Jane," Melissa's voice, while low, definitely sounded a little amused, "Do you really not see it?"

"See what?"

"Stubborn, loyal, protective, intelligent, great sense of humour, a propensity to withdraw in emotional situations… ringing any bells?"

Jane's brows furrowed and she shook her head. What on earth was Melissa getting at?

"Oh and very oblivious to the obvious at times." Melissa's smile had turned into a cocky smirk and Jane rolled her eyes in response.

"We are not that similar." Jane huffed. "Besides, she likes to lead with her fists, I do not."

Melissa raised a challenging eyebrow. "I remember a certain surprise visit, then a surprise declaration and then you threw your fist."

Jane sighed heavily and shook her head. "That was different. She was trying to take you away from me and I was pretty messed up at the time."

"You mean like she felt every time she cold cocked you? It was always around me, Jane."

Jane turned her head and looked over at Maura, who was actually smiling a little in her conversation with Alec and then back at her girlfriend. She had recognised early on that she and Gabby had a lot of similarities, but she'd never really looked beyond the whole alpha female cop thing, and had somehow forgotten that along the way. Maura clearly had a type.

Wait a minute.

Jane's eyes locked onto Melissa's. "History is repeating, isn't it?"

There was a flash in Melissa's eyes that almost caught Jane off guard, but Melissa simply shrugged. "I don't know what you mean."

Jane closed her eyes and laid her head back, she blew several deep breaths through her lips and then shook her head. She looked back over at Maura and the head shaking only increased. She felt Melissa's hand on her arm and she turned to meet her eyes again, "I don't like it."

"Jane," Melissa said softly in warning.

"No," Jane said again more firmly, but still remembering to keep her voice low. "You don't understand. This isn't jealousy. I know I belong with you and I want Maura to move on, I want her to be happy. I just…"

"Gabby makes her happy, Jane. She always has and you know that."

Jane did know that. Jane had always known that. She regretted blowing their relationship up in the first place, but she still couldn't shake her concern. Gabby's path to self destruction had taken a very violent course and she didn't want Maura getting swept up in the wake. "Gabby threw a punch at Alexis."

As soon as she had uttered the words Jane knew she had screwed up. Melissa's eyes widened in surprise and then she shook her head, stood up and walked out of the doors, exiting the waiting room in such a huff that Jane felt all eyes on her. She gently banged the back of her head against the wall behind her chair several times. Each time she did so she muttered the word, "Stupid," to herself. There was a time and place for discussing things like this and in the middle of waiting to see if the person you are discussing is even going to live was probably not the time for it. She had royally screwed up, no doubt about it.

She shook her head and turned to her left, looking down the wall towards Alec and Maura. He looked concerned, but it was the subtle eyebrow from Maura quite poignantly and silently questioning what was going on that hit her quite unexpectedly. Jane tried to smile her off, because she was feeling pretty sheepish about it all but then Maura's eyes flitted in the direction of the exit and widened alarmingly. Of course she had to follow Melissa and fix what she broke. She knew Maura was right. Jane exhaled to release some of the tension she felt, a part of her thankful that in the midst of a dark, dark time, she and Maura were still able to communicate silently. The fact that Maura even chose to left Jane feeling buoyant despite suspecting she had put her foot in it with Melissa. For the first time in weeks Jane felt hopeful that things would be alright with Maura. Jane offered Maura a slight nod that indicated her thanks and quickly exited the room in search of her presumably perturbed girlfriend. She had some grovelling to do.

"Missy, wait up." Jane called out, having to smile off an orderly who glared at her as she passed by. Yelling in a hospital probably wasn't a good plan of action either. She caught up with her girlfriend as she stepped outside the main entrance and hung a right, ducking down the path that led to the carpark. "Hey, talk to me."

Melissa shook her head, but Jane got the sense it wasn't directed at her as she watched Melissa slide down the outer wall of the hospital and draw her knees up into her chest. The hospital building depth changed and Melissa had slid down the wall around a corner that provided a windbreak and a modicum of privacy. Content that the ground beneath them was clean enough, Jane slid down the wall next to her girlfriend who she recognised was feeling quite distressed. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned that right now."

"Your coworkers could have heard you, Jane."

"I know," Jane answered softly, her head turned so she could watch the expressions on Melissa's face. "I got caught up in my worry."

Melissa was silent for a while before she turned to meet Jane's concerned gaze and asked, "Did she really hit Alex?"

"I said she threw a punch, but no, she didn't connect. Alec said she stopped it in time." Jane decided it may be best to stick with the facts and not venture too deeply into her own emotions on the topic. Though from the way Melissa's face fell further, it didn't appear to be helping.

"That's not who she is, Jane."

"So everyone keeps telling me." Jane understood that she was probably the last person who should be judging Gabby based on an almost event, but the almost event was pretty serious given all of the other acts of violence that had been increasing in regularity during the lead up.

"When did this happen?"

"The night before Alexis died."

Melissa let out a loud shuddering breath and closed her eyes, squeezing several tears free. Jane reached out and wiped the ones nearest her away. She hated seeing Melissa in so much pain when she felt so helpless to fix it. God, what she would give to just be able to take Melissa away from all of the reminders of her past.

The guilt shimmering in Melissa's eyes right now was causing a knot to form in Jane's stomach. She needed a fresh start, she couldn't keep living in this place surrounded by all the ghosts that haunted her. Jane's mind settled. When all of this was over and she had caught the psychopathic asshole that had murdered Alexis and been playing mind games with the both of them, she was going to take Melissa away from this place. She'd walked away from one career for Maura, she would walk away from another for Melissa. It really was time to go home to Boston. It was time to wipe the slate clean.

"It's my fault," Melissa said sadly, the tears threatening to fall thick and fast. "I broke her."

Jane had to take several deep breaths and count to ten in her head, because her instinct was to absolutely roar down the suggestion. Yelling wouldn't help. The decision she had made moments ago only strengthened in her mind, she had to get Melissa away from this place. "No," Jane said quietly, but firmly. "Don't you dare blame yourself for her actions. She is a grown ass woman and she has autonomy. She should have walked away if her anger was that volatile. She made the decision to stay in a situation that led to her throwing a fist in anger, not you Missy. So don't. Just don't."

"But if I hadn't…"

"Hadn't what?" Jane interrupted. "Loved her to the best of your ability? If she wasn't equipped to handle a relationship with a traumatised woman, then she should have done the right thing and stepped away sooner."

"Jane."

"No," Jane repeated firmly, "I'm tired of it, Missy. You have been through so much already, you don't need to be carrying this guilt too".

"She told me that I was the love of her life that night and then she walked away. Her heart was breaking so damned much, Jane, because of me. Because she wanted me to be happy."

Melissa looked and sounded so damn desperate for her to understand, but Jane couldn't. She wouldn't. She refused to. She was an outsider. She had a different perspective because she hadn't lived through all of it. Jane decided it was time that Melissa understood what her relationship with Gabby was really like. "Are you forgetting that for six Goddamned years she fucked with your feelings? You spent so much of your life feeling guilty for falling in love with her best friend. She never let you forget it. She never forgave you until she thought she was going to lose you. Just let that sink in for a while. This isn't some grand love story where a strong woman holds on to her love for the traumatised woman through all the shit flung at her. It simply isn't. Whether it was deliberate or not, she manipulated the fuck out of your feelings, so don't feel sorry for her. Don't feel guilt. Don't blame yourself. She chose this life. She chose the pain and heartache that came with it. All she had to do was forgive you when Rachael died and none of this would even be happening right now."

Melissa's mouth hung open a little in shock and Jane realised she may have unleashed a little too hard. Especially as she started replaying what she said in her own head. She wasn't a big fan of the last part of what she had to say either, because if Gabby had been smart and forgiven Melissa back in 2005, then she may have never met Melissa. She may have never gotten to know her. An immediate pang of pain shot through her gut. Jane closed her eyes and lay her head back against the wall behind them.

"I wouldn't change anything," Melissa whispered.

She sounded very close. Jane opened her eyes to see that her girlfriend had shifted and was now leaning across her body. Jane's eyes closed again as their lips met and she felt the intense surge of emotion running through Melissa's blood. A whoosh of air as Melissa's hand braced the wall right beside her ear and then the uptick in passion as Melissa's tongue slipped inside her mouth. Jane didn't even care that anyone could stumble across them. Not at this moment. There was an electricity arcing between them that left her chasing Melissa's mouth when she finally retreated. Jane opened her eyes, her chest heaving as she sucked in the oxygen. Melissa's ocean blue eyes had taken on a deeper shade and Jane just wanted more of her. However, she took several mentally fortifying breaths because this wasn't the time or the place.

"Me either," Jane finally stammered out. She was staring at Melissa, simply marvelling at the fact that everytime she thought she understood the level of love she felt for this woman, a whole new level opened up.

Melissa stared back at her with loving eyes and a soft smile. Jane couldn't remember her ever looking this beautiful. She felt her heart skip a beat and she wondered for a second if this woman would be the death of her. Loving Melissa Sanderson was like riding a roller coaster; she took you to great heights, but you knew a hair raising dip was always around the next bend. Right now was definitely one of those moments where the roller coaster was climbing back to the top and she wanted to revel in the moment, because inside the building a group of medical staff held her future in their hands. Would she continue to ride this high because Gabby came out of her surgery alive or would they be plummeting to scary depths because she didn't?

"What happens if she dies?" Jane's question fell out of her mouth quietly, surprising even herself. Her own eyes widened a little and she locked onto Melissa's to see if she had absolutely spoiled the moment.

"We'll figure it out, together." Melissa said, standing herself up and holding a hand out to Jane. "But I don't think we have to worry. I've got a good feeling about this."

Jane accepted the hand offered and clambered back to her feet. She then pulled Melissa into her body for a quick hug. She quietly murmured into her girlfriend's ear, "I love you so damn much Missy. I hope you truly understand that."

"I've never felt more loved." Melissa placed a gentle kiss on Jane's cheek and said, "I love you too. Now let's get back inside and wait for the good news."

Jane pulled Melissa into her body for a side hug as they walked side by side back into the hospital. There was so much up in the air, but it was good to know that Melissa really did seem to be genuinely positive and despite having the odd moment of being hit by the shitstorm of emotions that liked to invade her from time to time, she was really fortifying herself to handle things well. Jane couldn't have been more proud.

---

"Let's walk." Alec's suggestion drew Maura's eyes from Jane's retreating form.

Melissa's sudden departure had most definitely caused a stir and when her eyes had briefly locked with Jane's, she could tell her ex was feeling a little embarrassed. Maura had done her best to silently communicate with Jane that she should chase after Melissa because she suspected it had been a case of Jane not fully thinking before speaking. That was one of Jane's habits she considered to be mildly amusing, even though at times it could be quite infuriating. There was rarely ever any malice behind it though. She found herself hoping Melissa understood that once she had a chance to calm down from whichever slight Jane had managed. Not for Jane's sake. Her heart was still quite raw from their conversation earlier in the evening, but as much as she had grown to dislike Melissa, the woman had been nothing but kind and gracious during a very difficult time. A difficult time for them both. Jane was the rock Melissa would need to lean on if something went wrong in the surgery.

Maura focused back on Alec who was sitting beside her. He was watching her with an earnest look on his face. He reminded her of an eager to please puppy and while she appreciated his good intentions, her thoughts remained firmly on Gabby. "I think someone should stay here."

Alec looked around the room and motioned to the side opposite them. "There's like a dozen cops waiting for news. We will know if there's an update. I think a walk will do us both some good."

He wasn't exactly wrong. She had been sitting in the same spot for close to two hours. It would be very good for her circulation to get up and moving, with that in mind she acquiesced to his suggestion. "Alright, a brief walk then."

His smile was effusive and she couldn't help but to smile warmly back in his direction. He held the door open for her with his arm and she stepped past him, falling in by his side and following his lead as far as their route went. He had stepped into the void left by Melissa when she and Jane had left earlier and they had shared a polite conversation. He had asked all of the rudimentary questions regarding her wellbeing and she had answered politely. He didn't push too hard and she had even found herself smiling naturally during parts of their conversation. He was a very good storyteller.

"Maura, would you mind if I were to ask you something personal?"

Alec sounded hesitant, but his demeanour didn't appear to be anything beyond conscientious. If anything he looked a bit worried. Gabby was his friend, it was understandable, but she wondered what on earth he could want to ask her that was so personal. It was her curiosity that saw her say, "You may ask, whether I answer is another thing entirely."

He smiled affably, nodded twice and took a few moments, she presumed to gather his thoughts before he asked his question. "Are you and Jane truly over?"

It wasn't a question she saw coming and she had no idea why it would matter to him, but it was certainly pertinent in its own way. She took the time to consider his question, more for her own sake than for his. Everything she had heard from Jane tonight and everything she had witnessed since she had been waiting for news told her that it was. She loved Jane, she suspected she would always love Jane, but that love was precisely why she knew it was over. Jane's eyes lit up when she looked at Melissa and it hurt her heart in so many ways to acknowledge, but Jane's eyes hadn't lit up like that with her in a long time. Could she pressure or manipulate Jane into returning? Possibly, possibly not. Did she feel inclined to do so? Not at all. She would never disrespect Jane or the love she held for Jane by doing that, not now that she had truly made a choice.

Maura sighed heavily. "Yes, we are. Why do you ask?"

"Because once upon a time I made a promise to someone I loved." He answered, a far away look in his eyes briefly before he refocused on her. "I'm sure you're quite tired of people obsessing over Missy's wellbeing, but I just needed to be sure that she wasn't setting herself up for heartbreak."

There was absolutely a story there and Maura couldn't help but feel her curiosity pique. He wasn't wrong in his observation given that it felt everyone in her life was a little too obsessed with Melissa's wellbeing, but even Maura had to admit to herself that today alone had shown her one of the reasons that might be. Melissa was fundamentally good with the kind of tortured soul that would absolutely draw in any protective personality. Maura suspected that she and Melissa would actually have been fast friends if they weren't both attracted to the same people.

"I do have to concur with that thought. It's quite the trend at this time." Maura offered Alec a smile in the hopes of letting him know that she wasn't unhappy with him for feeling as he did. She understood the power of a promise and respected that he took it seriously. "Although, I think it only fair you tell me more about this love of yours. She must be someone special, if you're keeping a promise years later."

His face fell and he looked away, pausing for a moment before he turned his head to meet Maura's gaze once more. He forced a smile, though it didn't reach his eyes and simply stated, "She was."

It took a moment, but all the details started to rapidly form a picture in Maura's mind. A promise to a woman that clearly cared enough about Melissa to ask him to look out for her. The woman being spoken of in a past tense with a sadness accompanying the statement. She couldn't help her head tilt, she was absolutely fascinated by the tangled web that continued to grow. "Rachael?"

"Can't get anything past you, can I Doc?" He opened the doors into a quaint little courtyard lit up by several wall lights, with beautiful plant life and plenty of seating sprinkled around the place. "After you."

Maura stepped into the courtyard and walked over to a picnic table and sat down. They had gotten their circulation moving, now she was more interested in hearing about Alec and Rachael. Was it a mutual love? Was it unrequited? How was it he found himself looking out for a rival in love? For a moment she contemplated if Jane were to suddenly pass tomorrow. Would she be able to step up and help support Melissa through it? Would Melissa feel inclined to do the same? She liked to think she would have that level of goodness in her, but the wounds were fresh and ran deep. It was hard to see herself being able to face the woman who owned Jane's heart in her very permanent absence. Alec's potential strength of character was fascinating and a little compelling to investigate.

"I apologise, but I find this entire situation beyond fascinating. Would it be difficult for you to talk about it?"

Alec slid onto the seat opposite her and folded his hands over on the table. He regarded her thoughtfully for a few moments before slowly nodding his head. "You know it probably won't be comfortable, but then I imagine it wasn't easy for you to answer my question either. I understand that you are very measured with your thoughts." He smiled at the curious eyebrow Maura shot his way and added, "Gabby doesn't shut up about you."

Unintentional anecdotal evidence that backed up the veracity of Gabby's feelings for her. Maura sighed and tried to focus on the compelling mystery that was Alec Morris and Rachael Taylor, because it didn't help her composure to be thinking about Gabby right now. She forced a smile that she knew couldn't have possibly reached her eyes before advising, "She's always had good things to say about you as well, Alec."

"Some bonds are unbreakable," he observed.

"Like yours and Rachael's?" Maura prompted.

"I don't know. I think her death put everything between us into a different light. I was pretty angry with her at the time." He sighed and looked away, shaking his head just a little. "She did something I didn't particularly agree with and put me in a really difficult position." He returned his focus to Maura and added, "I won't do that to you by going into details."

"Fair enough." Maura's curiosity was only growing but she respected that there were limits to what he would discuss. "Did it change your love for her?"

"No, but it did take me a long time to forgive her and actually try to keep the promise I made." He sighed almost wistfully, "I regret getting wrapped up in my anger. She asked me to take care of Missy for a reason and I just didn't care for the longest time. If I had, I might have kicked Gabby's arse for stringing her along so long."

"I suspect your loyalty to Gabby played a bigger part in you not doing that, than any anger you held with Rachael." Maura observed. Alec struck her as a very loyal man, especially when she took into consideration the different things Gabby had said about him in the past. It wouldn't have been easy to keep that promise to Rachael given the impact her death left in its wake.

Alec laughed lightly and shook his head again. "No, I have learned to be the man I am today. I was just angry with Rachael and Missy for robbing me of the future I hoped for. I didn't keep my promise because it hurt too damn much to be around the woman who held Rachael's heart."

To suggest she understood how Alec felt would be a complete understatement and based on the understanding look on his face, he already knew that. So Maura pivoted direction slightly, "What helped you reach the point you care about the promise you made?"

"Because I still love Rachael today, there's never been another woman who's made me look twice." He sighed and Maura felt so very sad for him.

"It must be lonely."

He shrugged. "It can be. Perhaps one day a woman will come along and I'll feel that spark again, but in the meantime I want to honour the love I do have. It's taken a lot of introspection to reach this point."

"I think that both Gabby and Melissa are lucky to have you."

"Why do you do that?" Alec asked.

Maura was puzzled by his question. "Do what?"

"Why do you always call her Melissa?"

"Because only her friends call her Missy." Maura answered matter-of-factly. While she may have called her Missy once, after the absolute arctic freeze that had come between them there was never any point that Maura considered Melissa to be a friend, so why would she ever refer to her by her more personal moniker?

"You are truly fascinating, Maura Isles." Alec said warmly.

Maura smiled softly, she liked this man. He was kind, introspective, polite, articulate and direct. "The feeling is mutual, Alec."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Maura just breathing in the smell of the plant life around them, it was quite refreshing. It was a small piece of paradise in the middle of a place usually reserved for fear and confusion. Her thoughts drifted to Gabby and her heart filled with sadness. It was good news that the surgery hadn't ended quickly, but that sweet spot between too soon and too long was rapidly closing for the injuries as had been described. Complications were never a good thing, especially with a lot of blood loss leading into the surgery.

Her mind was drawn back into the now when she felt his hand engulf her own. She looked up to where he was reaching across the table and clearly questioned him with her eyes. His reaching out was unexpected.

"She will survive." He said firmly.

"I hope so." Maura gently patted his hand with her other hand before withdrawing both hands and placing them on her lap. She smiled warmly at him because he was simply attempting to comfort her and she appreciated the gesture but she wasn't comfortable with being comforted physically unless it was by Jane or Gabby. She had allowed Melissa to comfort her a little today, but circumstances were extreme and she had lost her senses dramatically. She was in more control now and that meant she just wasn't in a space for that kind of comfort at all.

"I'm sorry," he said a little awkwardly, pulling his hand back and tapping at the table anxiously. "I didn't mean to overstep."

"It's not you, Alec, at all. I'm just very picky about who provides me with physical comfort."

"Understood." He studied her for a while before asking, "Do you think you'll ever get over Jane?"

Both his eyes and voice were soft so Maura could tell he had his reasons for asking, but she decided to counter his question with one of her own. "Do you think you will ever get over Rachael?"

"Touché, Doc, Touché." His eyes glistened with mirth, "I think if the right person comes along, yeah, I will. I think there will always be a place for her in my heart, but I know that I would like to move forward. I would like to love again."

"You are a handsome, intelligent man with a good job, Alec. Are you telling me you haven't met a single woman that might be right for you?"

He laughed a little more. "You really are direct aren't you?"

Maura shrugged. "Who has time to be anything but?"

"I haven't been ready for a very long time. I was dark and broody. It might look good on Batman, but not so much on me."

"But you're ready now?"

"Yeah, I think I am."

"What helped you feel ready?" Maura asked.

He took a moment, which she appreciated because it was clear he was genuinely considering her question. It was a question that mattered to Maura because she was facing a similar predicament in having to look forward to a future without Jane as her be all and end all romantically and she couldn't even begin to fathom how exactly she was meant to do that.

"I think there's a few things that are important. Firstly, don't close yourself off to the possibilities. Don't compare. Comparisons will get you nowhere fast, especially with the level of love we feel for the people we love." He clearly recognised her motivation behind the question. "And forgive yourself and them, for any perceived slights or regrets. Love is a powerful thing, but it can shackle you in place and prevent you from moving on when it's time."

"I appreciate your candour."

"And I respect the grace you've shown in stepping aside and allowing Jane and Missy their shot at happiness. I know first hand how hard it is to watch the woman you love fall head over heels in love with Missy. I would not have handled the situation with anywhere close to the grace you have if Rachael had actually lived. As someone who now cares about Missy's happiness I truly respect you not making this any harder on them."

"I suspect that if Rachael had lived, you would have handled things more maturely than you anticipate. She died and that fueled your anger. It is hard to maintain that anger consistently if you truly love someone and I have no doubt at all that you truly love Rachael."

He chuckled and elaborated when Maura's eyebrows shot up in question. "I was just thinking that maybe you're right. If Rachael lived, I would have handled it better, but not Gabby. She would have absolutely lit into Rachael."

Maura couldn't help her smirk, as a witness to Gabby's jealousy on a number of occasions she had first hand knowledge of precisely what he was thinking about. "She would have absolutely punched Rachael square in the mouth, without a doubt."

His laughter died out and he sighed, "Gabby's a damn hothead, but she's my hothead, you know? I wouldn't be able to hold that against her. I can't even fathom what she must have been going through looking at that video footage and realising her girlfriend had been having an affair with her best friend. It was gut wrenching for me, and I already knew."

"You already knew?"

Alec's head was in his hands moments later. "Yeah, that's why I was so angry with her before she died." He put his hands back down on the table and made eye contact with Maura, "Rache wanted me to know. She um, she was trying to let me down easy because there had always been this spark of hope that we would reconnect. I lost my shit, not because of my broken heart, but because I've always had one golden rule. Your mates' girlfriends are off limits. So yeah, she breaks my golden rule, my heart and puts me smack back in the middle of it by telling me. In some ways I'm still smack back in the middle of it. I don't think Gabs would forgive me if she ever found out. I should have warned her. She shouldn't have been blindsided like she was."

"I'm not sure being the one to deliver that message would have ended well for you, Alec and I suspect that if she finds out you knew she will feel betrayed." Maura sighed, because in some ways she was now in the middle, except as much as she valued the idea of making a new friend in Alec, her loyalty to Gabby was unwavering. "I won't ever bring it up, but if she ever asks I won't lie to her about it."

"I wouldn't ask you to taint your relationship with her for my sake. You mean too much to her." He sounded quite genuine, but his voice was tinged with sadness. "You're the best thing that ever happened to her, Maura. I hope you understand that."

Sometimes, Maura felt the same. She smiled sadly, but before she could respond she heard the all too familiar hurried footsteps of her ex-fiancée approaching. She turned to look at Jane anticipating that she brought news. "Did Gabby survive surgery?"

Jane pulled up a little out of breath and nodded, a huge grin on her face. "Yeah Maura, she did. They said she's still in a serious condition, but she's stable and in the ICU."

"Cognitive concerns?" Maura questioned.

"Yeah I mean, I think he said something about concerns about lack of oxygen to the brain being a potential problem, but he's fairly confident that she will be okay. It sounded a lot like a guy dotting his I's and crossing his T's just in case."

Maura nodded and thought about it before turning her head and locking eyes briefly with Alec, she smiled at him softly. "Thank you for the chat, it was quite lovely and quite thought provoking. I'd like a few minutes alone with Jane now though, if you don't mind?"

Alec was up on his feet quickly. He offered a broad smile to both Maura and Jane and said, "That's fine. I should go see Missy and the guys anyway, revel in this positive turn of events."

He was gone moments later and Jane took up the position he had vacated across the table from Maura. "You want to talk?" Jane asked nervously.

It wasn't easy looking at Jane. The cuts to her heart were still fresh and deep, but Alec's earlier words were not lost on Maura. She knew that she was in a mental state that would lead to her pushing Jane away completely if she didn't heed his advice. She wasn't yet ready to forgive, but she did want to start moving forward and she did want Jane in her life. "I do, if you're amenable to that."

Jane's smile was soft and it reached her eyes. "Yeah, Maura. I'd like that."

Maura managed a pained smile in return. Jane looked so earnest, so genuine in her affection that it reminded Maura of a different time in their lives and it hammered home the unintended impact of the timing of their romantic entanglement. While she was sure that there was a certain level of relief regarding Gabby's prognosis fueling Jane's buoyant attitude, Maura was well and truly aware that her ex wasn't Gabby's biggest fan. So while there was some buoyancy for those people in Jane's life that did care about Gabby, the vibrancy she exuded stemmed from elsewhere.

It was like she had stepped back through time to when she first met Jane. The detective had been so carefree in her day to day life and that was in spite of the impact Charles Hoyt had made. She didn't just smile when she was happy, she grinned. She laughed boisterously and she whined playfully. Jane was simply larger than life. Maura could see glimpses of that returning and it hurt her heart to realise that the Jane she had been building a life with was marred by darkness and held down by invisible hands. It hurt because it was apparent that their relationship was the invisible hand holding Jane down.

"Hey Maura, are you okay?"

Maura nodded and pulled her handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed the tears dry. At what point did their innocent, pure love, turn into something gnarled and worn? At what point did she stop becoming Jane's shelter in a storm? When did she become the storm that relentlessly battered Jane? Was it when she left Boston in the first place? Did their easy way of being with one another, their pure blissful joy in each other's company only exist without the expectations that came along with romance? Was she the cause of the rot that had slowly taken root? Or was Jane right earlier in the evening when she suggested that they had simply missed their time?

It felt like nothing more than a placating line when Jane had first delivered it. It felt like she was simply trying to find a reason to justify her willingness to walk away from their relationship. It didn't matter that Maura had known for a long time that Jane's heart was conflicted. It didn't even matter that she had said yes to Jane's proposal despite a nagging voice in the back of her mind telling her it wasn't right. So even though she was the one to send Jane to Chicago to find out the truth of her heart once and for all, sitting on that bench listening to Jane finally have the self awareness to see what she had seen for so long felt so surreal that it felt just like a line said to smooth things over. It had to be. Because Jane couldn't have possibly loved her as much as she implied, and fallen for another, could she?

Maura sighed. The truth had been staring her in the face this entire time. It had been staring her in the face from the moment she flew to Boston to declare her love for Jane in the first place. She was too late and she didn't listen to the very loud and clear warnings leading up to their kiss. Jane had practically begged her not to say it, not to break them, but she didn't listen. She chose to push right through and declare her love and in the process she caused the crack that would eventually fracture and rip them apart. The way Jane kissed her that day had been nothing more than the vestige of a dream. It was a what if. It was a woman clinging to the past in spite of the future she so clearly wanted. That was the moment that she should have known for sure without a doubt that their timing was all wrong. Because even after their explosive kiss and the words that followed, Jane's heart belonged to another. Jane chose another.

Maura's heart ached because her friendship with Jane was important. It helped her grow into the woman she is today and without it she wouldn't have near as vibrant a life as she has now. Jane was a crucial part of her life and she had disrespected their friendship by refusing to listen to Jane that day. She didn't just break their relationship, she broke Jane's relationship with Melissa. It didn't matter that she had eventually done the right thing by Jane and set her free, because the scars left behind in her wake were going to take a long time to heal.

"Why don't you resent me?" Maura asked, her head swirling with so much grief and heartache.

Jane's happiness faded into a look of utter confusion. "For what Maura?"

"For standing in front of you and telling you I was in love with you even after you begged me not to. For giving you an ultimatum. For putting enough doubt into your mind that you didn't fight for her when she chose Gabby. For everything that followed. For all the damage done to Melissa's psyche that will take years of therapy to repair. For all of it, Jane."

"Because I understand what it's like to fall in love with my best friend. I understand trying not to say anything at all because my best friend is happy and still broadcasting it just enough that my genius best friend figures it out and has to let me down gently." Jane sighed heavily and glanced away, her eyes focusing on something across the way. When her eyes flicked back in her direction, Maura could see such pain buried in them. "Because none of this is your fault Maura. You fell in love with your best friend and instead of letting you down gently, or shutting it down firmly so you knew for sure no, I stoked those flames. I was the one to kiss you. I was the one to tell you that you were everything to me. I did that. I sowed the seeds of doubt in my own heart, Maura, not you. Missy needs years of therapy because of my weakness, not yours. Resenting you for my choices would be asinine."

Maura nodded slowly, allowing Jane's words to sink into her brain. It meant more than any words could convey that Jane chose not to be resentful, but despite her logical understanding of where she erred, it hurt. The hardest part for Maura, was that understanding the situation, figuring it out and making it make sense wasn't enough to make the pain go away. She could feel her anger towards Jane melting away, because Jane was very correct in her assertion that resenting someone, or in her case, being angry with someone for her own choices is absolutely asinine. Being angry with Jane for pursuing a relationship with Melissa, only after she chose to set Jane free, is also asinine. Understanding that her anger stemmed from a deep rooted hurt didn't change that. However, the hurt was still very real. Looking at Jane knowing that they had missed their timing hurt exponentially. Feeling that hurt and wanting Jane to be the one to take it away felt like an unhealthy cycle that would trap her in her pain. She needed time away, she needed space to heal, but she did not want to forsake her friendship or lose Jane from her life. There had been a simple beauty to their friendship back in Boston, it was enriching then and she believed in time it could be that way again.

"I'm heartbroken that we missed our time, Jane." Maura admitted quietly, "But as your friend, I am thankful that my rash decisions in the past haven't robbed you of the happiness you so rightfully deserve."

"Maura…"

Maura held her hand up and said, "Can you let me finish? This isn't easy for me."

Jane's entire face softened and she nodded slowly, offering what felt to Maura like a bittersweet smile.

"I feel like I am wading through quicksand when I look at you, Jane. All the hurt we have caused each other during the last three years is threatening to pull me under and all I want to do is reach out for you because I know in my heart you can save me and you do, but then I look at you and I'm right back there in the quicksand."

"I can't be the one to heal the wounds I created, because all I do is reopen them." Jane succinctly summarised, a sad wistful look on her face.

Maura nodded. "Precisely. What I am trying to say is that I value our friendship. I treasure having you in my life, but I need time. I need to find a way to heal that doesn't involve you at all so that I am capable of finding my happiness."

"Then you should do that." Jane said firmly, "You deserve to be happy Maura and if my being in your life is getting in the way of that then I'll stay out of it."

Maura could see that Jane was on the verge of tears and she hated it. She hated seeing the hurt in her eyes. "I'm not talking about forever, Jane. Just until I heal."

"Whatever you need, Maura. However long it takes. I'll be here when you're ready."

"I suspect it will be a bit of a process. It may require taking small steps forward, rather than rushing right back into the thick of things like we're used to."

Jane appeared to study her for a long while and whatever her friend saw on her face must have been enough to calm any anxiety she had about her intentions. Jane bounced to life with an eager nod. Her smile was contagious. "Baby steps. I get it. Take your time Maura and when you're ready, set the pace and don't be afraid to retreat if you need to. We move at your speed."

Maura nodded once, appreciative that Jane appeared to truly understand the seriousness of the undertaking. "I also want to thank you for letting me know what was happening with Gabby and for holding my hand earlier. I know I was stubbornly silent at the time and I'd like to say it was solely because of my worry for Gabby, but it wasn't. I appreciate that you didn't make a big deal out of it."

"I get it, I really do."

Maura nodded and stood up, she waited for Jane to follow her lead and step around the table. Then she looked up into her eyes, almost cursing the fact she was wearing flats and not the heels that usually helped her reach a more even height footing with Jane. She desperately wanted a hug, she had needed that level of comfort all night but had been too proud to ask for it. Now that they had cleared the air and she would be taking the time she needed to move forward and heal, she didn't think it could hurt. A simple step forward, before she took quite a few back. "May I?"

Jane just kept on smiling and quickly engulfed her in a tight hug. Maura melted into it and relished the warmth and safety she always found in Jane's arms. Mindful of their new reality she didn't allow the hug to go on too long, she pulled away and smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Jane."

"You're welcome, Maura." Jane was softly spoken in this moment and there was a level of uncertainty in her eyes, which belied the smile on her face.

Maura found it oddly comforting and a reinforcement of everything Jane had been saying about the importance she played in Jane's life. They may have missed their romantic timing, but their love for one another was boundless. Any miniscule doubt that may have been bouncing around in her brain about Jane's willingness to be that friend when she was ready, disappeared. Because she could see it all in Jane's eyes. She was afraid this would end up being goodbye. It was always a possibility, but Maura highly doubted it. Jane was simply too important to walk away from forever.

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A/N: Sorry that it's been a couple of weeks, but I hope the length and quality of this update make up for the delay.

My eyes got the all clear so that's great news, the issue I had last month must have been a glitch in the matrix.

Also I just want to thank you all for coming on this journey with me. I am really enjoying taking my time and just telling the story I want to tell, so I appreciate you all so very much.

Finally, lay it on me, you know I like to hear your thoughts, even if they mostly comprise of Jane being called an idiot or something thereabouts ha ha