Author's Notes

No grand reason why I'm restarting this story. I had the chapters written and was sitting on them in case I ran out of stories to post (so I would still have something each week to avoid losing relevance, and since the chapters here aren't related and can be read individually), but that only really made sense when I was down to just Living The Dream. Now that I've got Origin Story and Murderess and LTD/You, Me, and The Tuna about to keep y'all busy for a while, there's no need for me to have spare stories in the tank, and it seems like a waste to withhold them.

In theory, RWBY But Worse will never end. I could always think up some new dumb idea and write it up, but for now, there's one more complete chapter and two more partially complete chapters after this one. I'll probably add them randomly, not on any particular days. Enjoy.

Happy rats, and don't do crime!

Chapter 7 – Cardin Prankchester

Ever since the day he came of age, Cardin was a prankster.

Not just any prankster, mind you. No, our boy would only pull off the cleverest, most intellectual pranks. Days, sometimes ever weeks of planning went into these hardcore missions to spread humor, mock those who deserved it, and satiate Cardin's eternal desire for comedic shenanigans.

Today was to be the magnum opus of his lifetime of pranks. His team of huntsmen had gathered around to witness the spectacle. They were a lucky three, for they were about to bear witness to the most epic practical joke ever pulled. It had taken all of Cardin's brainpower to formulate the plan, but it was now foolproof and free from any chance of error.

Step 1: Approach the target, Velvet Scarlatina, when she arrived in the cafeteria.

Step 2: Yank on her rabbit ears.

Step 3: Ask if they were even real.

Step 4: Rake in massive profits and bear witness to the fame and fortune that came from such an astounding maneuver. Ah, Cardin truly outdid himself with this one.

And there she was! The Faunus that was about to be had had just entered the dining hall, completely alone and without the more powerful hunters on her team that could've thrown a wrench into Cardin's plans. The time for comedy was upon him.

"Wish me luck, gents," he said.

"Kick ass and chew bubblegum, bro," said Sky, throwing a steady fist in the air.

"He's a hero," gushed Russel, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Gaaaaw-dayum, that's one fine prankster," Dove whistled as Cardin set out.

Lunch tray in hand, Velvet never saw him coming. Her back was turned to the master of hijinks as she looked for an open seat among the many busy tables. Cardin could barely hold in his snickers as he reached out a meaty hand towards the pair of fuzzy bunny ears. It took biting down on his tongue just to keep the pre-prank giggles from revealing his presence behind her.

"HEY!" he loudly cried as his hands made contact with the target. Several passersby and lunch-goers turned at the sudden declaration. Velvet stiffened.

Here goes nothing.

"Yo, are these even real?" He grabbed hold of her bunny ears. "Filthy Fau–"

As soon as he yanked, thee ears popped off.

Cardin blinked.

Apparently...they actually weren't real.

Cardin paused mid-prank, with the ears completely detached from Scarlatina's head and now in his hand. "W-What?"

"Shit!" screamed Velvet. "Code 999! He saw through it! I repeat, he saw through the ears! We've been made! Make like a tree and fucking run for the hills! Scatter! SCATTER!"

Velvet's fist rammed into Cardin's gut, knocking the wind out of him and causing him to keel over. In a single swift burst of speed, Velvet ran towards one of the windows and smashed through it headfirst, diving out to the courtyard and breaking into a sprint.

"What?" Cardin weakly asked once more. "What was…?"

"Damn it!" someone cried. "How did he know?!"

The black-haired girl in his year, Blake something-or-the-other, rose from her seat, ripped off her bow to reveal a pair of cat ears, and then tore both of them off, revealing the ears to be fake. Reaching into her pocket, she threw a smoke bomb onto the ground.

A large black cloud permeated through the air, obscuring Cardin's view of everything around him. When the smoke eventually cleared, Blake was gone.

"The White Fang will never bow down to human oppression!" Adam screamed. "Never!"

The recruits in the audience roared their approval.

"And when the Faunus rise up to –"

The red-haired man's scroll vibrated softly, and he paused the rousing speech to check what the message was.

Blake: It's over. They found out.

Adam groaned audibly. "Shoot. It's a Code 999, guys."

The crowd of Faunus all made noises of disappointment.

"Welp, no use pretending anymore," Adam said dejectedly. "Take 'em all off." Reaching to the top of his head, he began to twist his horns repeatedly, unscrewing them from the top of his head. When both came off, he threw them onto the ground and kicked them away into the bushes.

His close ally, Ilia Amitola, was equally busy. Unlike Adam and the others, she had no horns or ears to speak of, but that didn't mean she was done. Reaching towards the back of her neck, she tugged on a zipper. As it came down, so did the fake color-changing skin and spots, revealing her entirely normal body beneath it.

It was the same for everyone. Sienna Khan was unravelling the threads that sewed the fake tiger ears to her head, while Trifa had grabbed a wet cloth and was rubbing off the black markings that ran up and down her arms. Deery snapped the antlers from her scalp, revealing them to be little more than carved wood that had been spray painted.

"Damn it all," said Yuma as he reached around to his back and loosened the strings that held his bat wings to his back. "How could they have possibly known? Years, wasted!"

"You're asking the wrong questions," said Tyrian, the visiting emissary from Salem's castle. He was currently using a chisel to break off the glue that held his scorpion tail to his back. "It's not how they knew, but who found out?"

"This is Lisa Lavendar reporting. In a surprising turn of events, it was recently discovered that all Faunus are not, in fact, an entirely different species, but merely humans masquerading as Faunus, which we at the VNN would like to remind our viewers do not exist. All former Faunus have recently removed their animal trait body parts and entered into the general population as humans. This startling revelation was discovered by local douchebag and prankster Cardin Winchester during an act of comedy turned heroism. It is unknown why the entire Faunus race chose to pretend that Faunus exist, but one this is certain: life will certainly be more difficult for furries in the coming days. This is Lisa Lavendar, signing off."

Author's Notes

Before you ask, Sun did not have a certain…rectal insert…to attach his tail to his body. It was stuck on with Scotch tape.

Lionheart did, though.

Happy rats, and don't do crime!